The Best (Worst) Of Conservapedia

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biglads: Feb 21, 2007; I could've gone to Blatherwycke

Lavrentiy Purr-ia

# ? Feb 29, 2012 14:38

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 13:40

UnCO3: Feb 11, 2010; Ye gods!; College Slice

Purrnesto "Che" Guepurra

# ? Feb 29, 2012 15:36

Loving Life Partner: Apr 17, 2003

Pol Puss?

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:18

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Cat Jong Il?

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:19

Stalingrad: Feb 5, 2011

Rosa Luxempurrg

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:24

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Friedomesticshorthair Engels

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:47

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

Cats aren't purely a communist thing! Moggie Thatcher, for instance.

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:47

bobkatt013: Oct 8, 2006; Youâre telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

chrisoya posted:

Cats aren't purely a communist thing! Moggie Thatcher, for instance.

Or Margret Scratcher.

# ? Feb 29, 2012 16:55

Pesky Splinter: Feb 16, 2011; A worried pug.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > The Best (~~Worst~~) Of Catservapedia

# ? Feb 29, 2012 17:05

Bruce Leroy: Jun 10, 2010

UnCO3 posted:

Purrnesto "Che" Guepurra

That reminds me, I've already picked out the name of my next dog, Chew Guevara.

# ? Feb 29, 2012 22:22

Gynocentric Regime: Jun 9, 2010; by Cyrano4747

Bruce Leroy posted:

That reminds me, I've already picked out the name of my next dog, Chew Guevara.

Well according to Conservapedia that may not be a good idea

Conservapedia posted:

Guevara was the eldest of five children born in Rosario, Argentina. His schoolmates nicknamed him "pig" (Chancho) because he rarely bathed, and smelled bad. He also enjoyed enjoyed killing dogs.

EDIT: Oh and here's a terrifying quote from this evil, evil, man

Conservapedia posted:

In capitalist society individuals are controlled by a pitiless law usually beyond their comprehension. The alienated human specimen is tied to society as a whole by an invisible umbilical cord: the law of value. This law acts upon all aspects of one's life, shaping its course and destiny. The difficult thing for someone not living the experience of the revolution to understand is this close dialectical unity between the individual and the mass, in which the mass, as an aggregate of individuals, is interconnected with its leaders.

Gynocentric Regime fucked around with this message at 22:40 on Feb 29, 2012

# ? Feb 29, 2012 22:38

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment that I'm alive, I pray for death!

Bruce Leroy posted:

That reminds me, I've already picked out the name of my next dog, Chew Guevara.

For dog names from the communist left, you really can't do better than Karl Barx.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 00:02

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

Joseph Howlin.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 00:04

Dekko: May 23, 2007

A horse named Trotsky

Emma Goldfish

# ? Mar 1, 2012 00:30

Parahexavoctal: Oct 10, 2004; I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS! DONKEY!!

From the Front Page:

Conservapedia posted:

MSNBC reports:

"NASA plans to spend about $700 million on the mission. It is tentatively penciled in for launch in either 2018 or 2020. Mars Next Generation was conceived to fill the void NASA's planetary science program created after big cuts in the White House's 2013 budget request forced NASA's exit from the joint ExoMars sample cache-and-return campaign with the European Space Agency and Russia. Those missions remain slated for 2016 and 2018."[1]

Question: Why is NASA going to "tentatively pencil" this so called future launch? Don't the high tech managers at NASA have word processing software?

This is just.. I... it...

Ah, it's a duplicate of http://conservapedia.com/Essay:_Evolutionist_nerds,_say_goodbye_to_Mars_exploration

which leads to

http://conservapedia.com/Essay:_10_telltale_signs_you_are_on_your_way_to_becoming_an_atheist_nerd

"Please note:! If you are an atheist male and you carefully examined the 10 telltale signs you are on your way to becoming a lonely atheist nerd and told yourself: "I didn't match any of them therefore I am not an atheist nerd and atheists are not more prone to being nerds", that is a clear and strong warning sign you are an atheist nerd!"

His clear and cogent argument is indisputable.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 00:50

Binowru: Feb 15, 2007; I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Parahexavoctal posted:

"Please note:! If you are an atheist male and you carefully examined the 10 telltale signs you are on your way to becoming a lonely atheist nerd and told yourself: "I didn't match any of them therefore I am not an atheist nerd and atheists are not more prone to being nerds", that is a clear and strong warning sign you are an atheist nerd!"

His clear and cogent argument is indisputable.

This is the very definition of trolling. He clearly doesn't believe any of that poo poo, he just wants to whip atheists into a mad frenzy so they'll write him angry, vulgar emails which will just reinforce his own arrogant holier-than-thou attitude.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 02:15

Carl Von Awesomwitz: May 2, 2006; Sisko Lied, Romulans Died

This thread, for some reason posted:

Cat puns

I renamed my cat Karl Manx and then it died of bone cancer, so don't use commie cat name puns.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 02:23

Lustful Man Hugs: Jul 18, 2010

Meow is the time for all good men to come to the defense of their country.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 03:27

Timmy Age 6: Jul 23, 2011; Lobster says "mrow?"; Ramrod XTreme

Binowru posted:

This is the very definition of trolling. He clearly doesn't believe any of that poo poo, he just wants to whip atheists into a mad frenzy so they'll write him angry, vulgar emails which will just reinforce his own arrogant holier-than-thou attitude.

Most trolls aren't prone to 28-hour obsessive edit sessions, though. My money is still on mentally ill.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 09:29

Bruce Leroy: Jun 10, 2010

Parahexavoctal posted:

From the Front Page:

This is just.. I... it...

Ah, it's a duplicate of http://conservapedia.com/Essay:_Evolutionist_nerds,_say_goodbye_to_Mars_exploration

which leads to

http://conservapedia.com/Essay:_10_telltale_signs_you_are_on_your_way_to_becoming_an_atheist_nerd

"Please note:! If you are an atheist male and you carefully examined the 10 telltale signs you are on your way to becoming a lonely atheist nerd and told yourself: "I didn't match any of them therefore I am not an atheist nerd and atheists are not more prone to being nerds", that is a clear and strong warning sign you are an atheist nerd!"

His clear and cogent argument is indisputable.

That first link is a loving goldmine.

like the full version of the quote you posted:

quote:

MSNBC reports:
� NASA plans to spend about $700 million on the mission. It is tentatively penciled in for launch in either 2018 or 2020. Mars Next Generation was conceived to fill the void NASA's planetary science program created after big cuts in the White House's 2013 budget request forced NASA's exit from the joint ExoMars sample cache-and-return campaign with the European Space Agency and Russia. Those missions remain slated for 2016 and 2018.[2] �

Question: Why is NASA going to "tentatively pencil" this so called future launch? Don't the high tech managers and scientists at NASA have word processing software? NASA better use word processing software because a foreseeable economic recession or depression before 2016 plus the needs of an U.S. aging population is going to put the kabosh on their 2018 or 2020 launch. Also, don't the high tech managers and scientists at NASA have the internet or cable news and see the austerity measures in Greece and Europe which are coming to America? NASA "plans to spend" 700 million on a Mars mission. Isn't that a joke? Evolutionists can be so amusing.

Does this person not understand American English idioms like "penciling in?"

What does NASA have to do with evolution?

Now what? Is the age of exploration over? Absolutely not, evolutionist nerds! posted:

Now that you have gotten used to the idea that evolutionists will never walk the face of Mars on the U.S taxpayers' dime, you may be asking yourselves: Is the age of exploration over? Absolutely not!

Unlike atheist and evolutionist nerds (see: 10 telltale signs you are on your way to becoming an atheist nerd), real men don't explore Mars vicariously through taxpayer funded astronauts. Real men do white water rafting to explore and see for themselves the many ways the Grand Canyon supports a young earth.

Canyon Ministries declares:
� Join a Christ-centered motorized rafting trip through a canyon with walls over a mile high. This once-in-a-lifetime experience will explore one of His grandest creations while spending time each day in God's Word and singing praises to the Lord. Share the enjoyment of this natural wonder of the world with fellow believers. Learn how the effects of Noah�s Flood, not millions of years of erosion, carved the Grand Canyon.[5] �

Yes, evolutionist nerds. Grand men explore the Grand Canyon and don't spend hundreds of millions or billions of taxpayer dollars exploring dead and lifeless planets. The United States deficit hit the 15 trillion dollar mark in November of 2011.[6] How big does the U.S deficit have to climb via liberal boondoggles that fail to confirm liberal ideologies? Mars is dead and lifeless just like the evolutionary paradigm and the abiogenesis hypothesis is. Atheists and evolutionist failed to provide proof and evidence for evolutionism and naturalism on earth, must taxpayers pay millions or billions of dollars because evolutionists are desperate to find life on Mars? Evolutionists, pony up the money to go to Mars if it is so important to you.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 12:07

Pesky Splinter: Feb 16, 2011; A worried pug.

quote:

Now that you have gotten used to the idea that evolutionists will never walk the face of Mars on the U.S taxpayers' dime, you may be asking yourselves: Is the age of exploration over? Absolutely not!

Unlike atheist and evolutionist nerds (see: 10 telltale signs you are on your way to becoming an atheist nerd), real men don't explore Mars vicariously through taxpayer funded astronauts. Real men do white water rafting to explore and see for themselves the many ways the Grand Canyon supports a young earth.

Canyon Ministries declares:
� Join a Christ-centered motorized rafting trip through a canyon with walls over a mile high. This once-in-a-lifetime experience will explore one of His grandest creations while spending time each day in God's Word and singing praises to the Lord. Share the enjoyment of this natural wonder of the world with fellow believers. Learn how the effects of Noah�s Flood, not millions of years of erosion, carved the Grand Canyon.[5] �

Yes, evolutionist nerds. Grand men explore the Grand Canyon and don't spend hundreds of millions or billions of taxpayer dollars exploring dead and lifeless planets. The United States deficit hit the 15 trillion dollar mark in November of 2011.[6] How big does the U.S deficit have to climb via liberal boondoggles that fail to confirm liberal ideologies? Mars is dead and lifeless just like the evolutionary paradigm and the abiogenesis hypothesis is. Atheists and evolutionist failed to provide proof and evidence for evolutionism and naturalism on earth, must taxpayers pay millions or billions of dollars because evolutionists are desperate to find life on Mars? Evolutionists, pony up the money to go to Mars if it is so important to you.

Holy poo poo, there's so much ignorance on display. :psyduck:

# ? Mar 1, 2012 12:20

Technogeek: Sep 9, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

Atasi posted:

I think it's amazing that no matter what cultural, geographical or temporal differences cat lovers may have, we all spoil our kitties the same way.

EDIT: Oh and speaking of Lenin

I would kill for a good high-resolution version of that image.

Fake edit: Leonid Brezhlev

# ? Mar 1, 2012 12:30

Bruce Leroy: Jun 10, 2010

Pesky Splinter posted:

Holy poo poo, there's so much ignorance on display.

My favorite part is the fundamental problem that the author doesn't understand what "exploration" is.

Exploring another loving planet is not really the same as some hokey Christian fundamentalist tour of a national landmark that the author is obviously hawking without a hint of subtlety.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 13:04

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Bruce Leroy posted:

My favorite part is the fundamental problem that the author doesn't understand what "exploration" is.

Exploring another loving planet is not really the same as some hokey Christian fundamentalist tour of a national landmark that the author is obviously hawking without a hint of subtlety.

But can you white water raft on another planet, nerd?

# ? Mar 1, 2012 13:17

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

The funny thing is that Mars actually has canyons carved by massive floods.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 13:21

Frog Act: Feb 10, 2012

Created by one single massive flood, man. Only the martians didn't grok the ark which is why they're all gone.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 14:52

Binowru: Feb 15, 2007; I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Conservative posted:

Atheists and evolutionist

I realize this is a pretty small and insignificant typo, but he's done it over and over and it irks me every time I see it.

# ? Mar 1, 2012 18:45

Parahexavoctal: Oct 10, 2004; I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS! DONKEY!!

Conservapedia's front page posted:

The likelihood of Jeb Bush entering the presidential race increases

Isn't it a little late for that?

# ? Mar 1, 2012 18:47

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

quiggy posted:

What really pisses me off about this is that I don't even think this is standard Conservapedia "gently caress science" thinking. It really seems like they can't grasp that relativity in the physics sense is very different from moral relativism, and that one can be true even if the other isn't.

Late, but no, they hate it because it disproves Young Earth Creationism. They're pretty neutral on most advanced physics as they don't directly contradict the Bible, but as long as the speed of light is constant, the universe is over a billion years old.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 03:37

ErIog: Jul 11, 2001

Parahexavoctal posted:

Isn't it a little late for that?

There's a 12-dimensional chess scenario were Jeb Bush + others enter in order to cut the delegates up enough to ensure a brokered convention that might result in the GOP candidate not being of the current frontrunners. I like that even die hard GOP'ers are so disappointed in this year's candidates that they're entertaining fantasies of a brokered convention to make themselves feel better.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 05:34

Cool Blue Reason: Jan 7, 2010; by Lowtax

The following courtesy of the essay "Atheism is a clown and it did not know it."

quote:

I received another email about someone becoming a Christian and leaving atheism... Now as you guys know, the atheist community on YouTube and also on radio and TV...They are in panic mode. It is obvious. Everyone on YouTube can see that this question that we are asking atheists that they cannot answer is really panicking the atheist community....Here is the question and then we will get to these awesome emails of atheists leaving atheism because the atheists cannot provide proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct...The question is: What proof and evidence can you provide that PROVES that atheism is accurate and correct?...You see I left atheism because the lack of proof and evidence that it is accurate and correct. The proof and evidence is for Jesus Christ.

quote:

"The hostility I am getting over this question is unbelievable...It's like..picture this...Atheism is a clown and it didn't know it. And then I got the clown and I walked it over...I forced it to look itself in the mirror. And it sees itself in all its red hair, big nose, big shoes, polka dot glory." - Christian YouTube video producer shockofgod

quote:

"We are getting atheists leaving atheism. They are like dropping like flies. They are realizing...You know what? Atheism is madness. There is no proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct."

This has to be satire, no one could be this stupid.

Atasi posted:

I think it's two things, first is that cats are associated with gay men/sissies and old women. Real men have big dogs to go with their big trucks, big guns and ~~tiny~~ giant penises. It's also stealth Islamophobia as cats are considered clean in Islam and the Prophet Mohammed was a well documented cat lover.

Nah cats are just terrible pets.

Cool Blue Reason fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Mar 4, 2012

# ? Mar 4, 2012 06:07

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

Cool Blue Reason posted:

This has to be satire, no one could be this stupid.

Look at the edit history.

Nothing but Conservative.

He really is that stupid/insane, so you know. And he's probably the same ShockofGod that he references as a quote source for this essay.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 06:21

Rauri: Jan 13, 2008

Shima Honnou posted:

He really is that stupid/insane, so you know. And he's probably the same ShockofGod that he references as a quote source for this essay.

I was under the impression that everyone just kinda pretends to not know they're the same person out of politeness / fear for Conservatives mental state.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 08:27

muike: Mar 16, 2011; ガチムチ　セブン

quote:

"We are getting atheists leaving atheism. They are like dropping like flies. They are realizing...You know what? Atheism is madness. There is no proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct."

I don't know what thought is sadder: That he truly perceives reality as such, or that the delusion springs from a need to perceive reality as such.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 09:10

Tills: Feb 9, 2010

I've always assumed Conservative was Shock's dad or uncle. He's got too much of a angry old man vibe about him. Even worse then him though is Andy's proud little "350 million visitors!" blurb. I wonder how much he actually comprehends that most of them are just people laughing at the idiocy.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 09:55

atomivoi: Jul 22, 2007

Does Andy have kids? I couldn�t think any other reason for him to let Conservative spew his insanity if he isn�t Andys son or nephew or something.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 10:02

quiggy: Aug 7, 2010; [in Russian] Oof.

Kajeesus posted:

Late, but no, they hate it because it disproves Young Earth Creationism. They're pretty neutral on most advanced physics as they don't directly contradict the Bible, but as long as the speed of light is constant, the universe is over a billion years old.

I'd agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that the Relativity page also has a little See also: Moral relativism link. The fact that they're trying to say there's a connection between relativity and moral relativism shows that they really don't understand homonyms.

# ? Mar 4, 2012 21:11

OneEightHundred: Feb 28, 2008; Soon, we will be unstoppable!

Tills posted:

I've always assumed Conservative was Shock's dad or uncle. He's got too much of a angry old man vibe about him.

There was a pretty telling incident where Penn Jillette called Shockofgod a troll and Conservative shot back while referring to Shock in first person. You know, the kind of mistake that's really easy to make if you're talking about your other identity and really unusual otherwise. It might have been the reverse, but either way it was a nice glimpse of the man behind the curtain.

Also this is a guy who's been banned from Wikipedia and numerous other places for sock puppetry bullshit.

OneEightHundred fucked around with this message at 05:02 on Mar 5, 2012

# ? Mar 5, 2012 04:55

bobkatt013: Oct 8, 2006; Youâre telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

atomivoi posted:

Does Andy have kids? I couldn�t think any other reason for him to let Conservative spew his insanity if he isn�t Andys son or nephew or something.

Yes he does and he was their teacher.

# ? Mar 5, 2012 20:51

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 13:40

Binowru: Feb 15, 2007; I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Apparently Conservapedia is still barking up the birther tree:

In the News posted:

A crisis of Presidential succession? Yes. If the Obama birth certificate is not valid, and no actual valid document exist, then neither President nor Vice President exists. In which case the Speaker of the House of Representatives must act as President. It is therefore incumbent upon him to investigate.

# ? Mar 5, 2012 20:57

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