The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

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JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Aston Villa?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 07:11

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# ? May 13, 2024 22:03

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Bolton?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 07:49

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

JFairfax posted:

Aston Villa?

no!!!

Eric Cantona posted:

Bolton?

they've won the league!!!

also lmao:

quote:

How would you know what happened to our "global fans"? Ask around and I think you'll find we've still got a hell of a lot of fans from around the world who would stick with us no matter what happened to the club.

crappledan fucked around with this message at 08:00 on Mar 12, 2012

# ? Mar 12, 2012 07:57

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Everton?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 08:15

Cutsman: Apr 11, 2005; scissors on his fucking head

manchester city?

wolverhampton?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 08:21

Spangly A: May 14, 2009; God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

please be sunderland

# ? Mar 12, 2012 08:22

luvd: Sep 29, 2011; don't like omelettes but i'll eat crepes all day long

Spangly A posted:

the idea someone thinks Arsenal have an away support threw me.

what

# ? Mar 12, 2012 08:26

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

Wow, I didn't think it'd be this hard but at the same time I never realized how many clubs the previous quotes could be attributed to. According to one fan of our chippy, mystery Former League Winning Side, glory is around the corner though.

quote:

Fear us, for our time under [OMITTED] heralds the imminent arrival of a force so dark it is beyond comprehension, [CLUB NAME] will arise, sooner than expected. The trumpets have been sounded.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 08:28

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Derby or Nottingham Forrest.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 09:05

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Leeds?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 09:06

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

jyrka posted:

Leeds?

ding ding ding we have the winner :siren:

your reward is my ceaseless adoration and respect

Thanks for playing everybody.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 09:12

PirateBob: Jun 14, 2003

appledan posted:

ding ding ding we have the winner

your reward is my ceaseless adoration and respect

Thanks for playing everybody.

Holy poo poo, lmao.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 10:56

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

My methodology was to think of a team that is the opposite of those descriptions. Then post the name of that team.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 14:55

CaptainRightful: Jan 11, 2005

jyrka posted:

My methodology was to think of a team that is the opposite of those descriptions. Then post the name of that team.

Yeah, you beat me to the punch, but as soon as I saw the one about being perceived as "good guys", I knew it had to be Leeds.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 15:35

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

This was written by a United fan in January as a prediction for what Liverpool posters would be like at the end of the season. It made me laugh, and I couldnt think where else to put it

Chuggo posted:

Every atom of my being hates to say it, but with a heart as heavy as the great River Mersey runs deep, my trembling fingers must type these most painful of words, dripping with all the sorrow in all of the Worlds: King Kenny - thank you sincerely for your most greatest of efforts, but the time has come for you to exit stage left with your head held high.

Like a father, you picked up a bruised baby at the turn of the year - a pulp of a baby that had been kicked and shaken and pummelled by negligent parents (Hicks and Gillett); neglected and malnourished by a hapless carer (Hodgson); and bullied and harrassed in the school yard by a bunch of jealous cowards (the media).

You gave that baby its pride once more, with the love, strength and paternal wisdom only you could provide. You reminded the infant of its glorious blood line, and breathed life into its faultering lungs with your gentle kisses. For this we the fans - all of us your children - thank you more than this humble scribe can ever express.

But now the kindest thing you can do is let go of that little hand that grips so tightly to your finger. So much has changed in the last twenty years - you took your leave from the honest working man's game of football. Sadly you returned to the corrupt dirty business of billionaire whoredom.

Things have not gone well. But you, our liege, have done your job. You have reigned over us during our darkest hour and shown us the glimmer of hope and light that lies in the sparkle of your forever youthful eyes. But the time has come for you to perform that most hurtful of acts - a fate no father should have to endure once, never mind twice - to wave farewell to your beloved kin for the second time.

I'm in tears as I type this but thank you, King Kenny, and goodb...I can't do it. I just can't do it...

# ? Mar 12, 2012 19:25

LaneAveElite: Oct 31, 2010

There is a freaking poo poo ton of players being linked to Arsenal...I know I know...but even more than normal....Poldi, Gotze, Hazard, Mvila, Martinez, Odemwingie, Vertonghen and others...

Also were basically sure to sell Arshavin, Denilson, Bendtner, Vela, Park, Chamahk, and Squillaci...That should net at LEAST 30 million pounds to help fund the expected 50-75 million pound spending splurge that is needed.

So here is my Dream Arsenal Lineup for 2012-2013 that can be trophy contenders in any competition

GK -- Szcz/Fabianski

RB -- Sagna/Jenkinson
CB -- Mertesacker/Koscielny
CB -- Vermaelen/Vertonghen
LB -- Santos/Gibbs

DM -- Song/Javi Martinez
CM -- Ramsey/Arteta
AM -- Jack/Rosicky

RW -- Gotze/Ox
LW -- Gervinho/Theo
ST -- RVP/Poldi

Last 3 -- Joel Campbell (ST), Abou Diaby (CM), Ignasi Miquel (CB)

I dont think I am forgetting any regulars...Coquelin and Frimpong could also be included depending on the statuses of guys like Diaby who are always hurt, and maybe we also buy a cheap 3rd striker whos better than Campbell.

But if that is our lineup we are a serious side for the first time since 07-08, except unlike that team wed have the depth and quality to compete on all 4 fronts and not just the league.

It would require buying (my preference of the guys linked) Gotze (too much chatter to ignore here, theres at least a 50% chance we get him), Poldi (basically a done deal, but so was mata and we fuhked that up), Martinez (Bilbao enforcer 25-30% chance right now), and Vertonghen (lots of chatter here at least a 50% chance atm). Those 4 would be in the 60-70 million range probably.

I can dream right? Its nothing unreasonable but it would be the first time Wenger has splashed out in years. However the squad has gotten so bare over time that it is needed.

Thoughts?

# ? Mar 12, 2012 20:36

dilbertschalter: Jan 12, 2010

Yeah, ok for the big Spanish clubs but when Rangers owe� the taxman we're cheats. Strange how everyone loves� having a go at the WORLD'S MOST SUCCESSFUL CLUB

# ? Mar 12, 2012 20:54

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

quote:

Liverpool's King Kenny changed his name to princess Kenny, HAHAHA LOOSERFOOLS.

quote:

To all my LFC fan.. Mampukah KING KENNY bawa our team TOP 4 of BPL.. Pls comment after 2 game defeats.

# ? Mar 12, 2012 20:58

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

quote:

City fans annoy me because they are still in the mindset of a smaller club, "Everyone is against us - why does everyone hate us? Baww!".
They haven't yet adjusted to the fact that big successful clubs are usually hated. United Barca Arsenal fans etc just shrug their shoulders and accept that 90% of people want them to fail and that they will get ripped by everyone when they do so.
Take it with some dignity or laugh it off, make a joke about buying the league rather than sob and make up paragraphs of financial bullshit trying to act like you actually turn a profit. Be grateful you were picked at random by a qatari oil baron and don't throw all the toys out of the pram when the success you buy with it is questioned.

quote:

Their support is terrible, their first ever CL game in history this season and it wasn't even a sell out - and only their 3rd semi final against Liverpool in about 20 years had about 65% attendance.
Their atmosphere is much worse than ours, when you consider this season is the start of a golden age, and its one of our worst relatively speaking.
Etihad is always quiet seems to me, most of the crowd seem to be packed out with kids who buy up the discounted tickets (ofc they can offer huge discounted prices since the money isn't actually needed by them) Most of the ones on reddit are totally obsessed with Arsenal moreso than even United, I guess we are the ying to their yang in terms of how we do things, and it burns them to think about it.
I feel sorry for the real city fans, their club as they knew it no longer exists, in its place is a plastic qatari plaything. I guess that's where their resentment on here comes from.

quote:

I'm with you %100, Man City's way of doing things is harmful to football, takes away from the real essence of football. Throws everything that was history and philosophy, ideals, out of the window.
City is not even a team in my eyes, just a bunch of mercenaries bullying their way through the EPL.
Arsenal for me is the right way to do things, you are responsible for your actions and you build your future, staying true to your values.
City is cheating. It's like a football manager game with cheat codes. They don't deserve to win.

# ? Mar 14, 2012 08:42

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

quote:

If Pele thinks he's the Beethoven of football then I'm Ron Wood, Keith Richards and the Bono of football, because I have so much passion

Guess who

# ? Mar 14, 2012 13:48

dilbertschalter: Jan 12, 2010

Jose posted:

Guess who

someone passionate and fiery. it also sounds pretty stupid, so that too.

also i like the guess the terrible comment game.

# ? Mar 14, 2012 14:16

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

Jose posted:

Guess who

Surely this is Maradona

# ? Mar 14, 2012 14:16

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Always

# ? Mar 14, 2012 14:18

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

I'd rather be Beethoven tbqh

# ? Mar 14, 2012 14:23

euroboy: Mar 24, 2004

Tomas Rosicky got the nickname "Little Mozart" at Borussia Dortmund.

# ? Mar 14, 2012 15:33

8raz: Jun 22, 2007; He's Scouse, He's Sound.

i can see the keith richards comparison

# ? Mar 14, 2012 16:58

Mickolution: Oct 1, 2005; Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

euroboy posted:

Tomas Rosicky got the nickname "Little Mozart" at Borussia Dortmund.

Speaking of nicknames, John Barnes was apparently known as "Tarmac" when he joined Liverpool, because he was "the black Heighway"

It was a different time...

# ? Mar 14, 2012 19:56

K U N T Z: Dec 29, 2008; The Lot Of You...

Mickolution posted:

Speaking of nicknames, John Barnes was apparently known as "Tarmachhh" when he joined Liverpool, because he was "the black Heighway"

It was a different time...

ftfy

# ? Mar 14, 2012 20:14

sebzilla: Mar 17, 2009; Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.

Mickolution posted:

Speaking of nicknames, John Barnes was apparently known as "Tarmac" when he joined Liverpool, because he was "the black Heighway"

It was a different time...

Ah, that famous Scouse ~~racism~~wit. :allears:

# ? Mar 14, 2012 22:09

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

quote:

Now, this is just a fun blog, and we�re all entitled to an opinion, AND I know that a few select readers of a blog are not a sample group for Arsenal fans in general, but I get the feeling that anything negative to say about this group shows that we are not loyal, that we are not true fans. It�s like during the W years of the USA, between 2000-2008, if you spoke out you weren�t a patriot. If you questioned the war you hated America, you terrorist..

quote:

Does anyone else find the row between Krul and Robin comical. It happens. It�s sports. Robin getting the last dig in and now Gutierrez says he is a bad person.
Really?
These guys should hear what goes on in other sports. Michael Jordan was the biggest talker in sports. It�s a sport that they get payed millions of dollars to play for a living. I don�t think it makes you a �bad person� to talk a little smack. It�s part of the game and the entertainment.

quote:

Yank Gooner MD Reply:
March 14th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
@Bunburyist,
Exactly good point! I felt bad for Jack making tweets about Chelski and getting absolutely killed for it. I mean the guy is a young Englishmen, he is going to be the next big name for England once this �old guard� is retired. Anyways, I wish he would cool it on the �Come on you Blues� comments, but I can appreciate his English pride. I was torn myself in who to root for. I of course detest our Western neighbors and want them to fail at everything, but they are old and having an extra match to play and more pressure to pile on could possibly be to our advantage. I mean who gives them a chance in hell of making the final? There�s no way with their current form.

# ? Mar 15, 2012 10:45

Grievo: Jul 13, 2006; God.

Stoke!

# ? Mar 16, 2012 14:54

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

quote:

quote:
- Squad, as mentioned in positives, got rid of some deadwood, but some on very disagreeable terms e.g. Cole/Lille and Aquilani/Milan;

WE ALL WANTED RID. LOOK AT THE FESTERING SENSE OF RESENTMENT FOSTERED BY DEGEN'S LONG TERM DRAIN ON OUR RESOURCE. ITS A NEW BROOM AND I'M DEFINITELY GLAD THESE WORK SHY FOPS ARE NOW REMOVED FROM THE BODY POLITIC.

Also:

Eric Cantonese fucked around with this message at 22:16 on Mar 16, 2012

# ? Mar 16, 2012 16:07

Sneaks McDevious: Jul 29, 2010; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

vyelkin posted:

Liverpool's King Kenny changed his name to princess Kenny, HAHAHA LOOSERFOOLS.

Still laughing at this one 5 days later

# ? Mar 18, 2012 13:41

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

These are all from the same guy, posted within a span of about 15 minutes or so.

quote:

FARCA stands for F ag gots And Racist C untalons Aloof

Farca = Al qaeda
Pep guardiola = Osama
Farca players = al qaeda terrorists

Farca and spain fans are a bunch of gloryhunting monkeys and plastic abndwagoners wihth no football knowledge and emxican pork chops and black illiterate faggggooots who ahve never been to spain and clean toilets in England

quote:

Once again farca cheat and dive there way to victory. Teh fact is: Farca will go down as the dirtiest team in football, bribing refs like Ovrebo, Stark, Frisk, Buttsacks, etc. They also inject their players with HGH. It is obvioius from tonight taht classless pep injected his players with an extra dose of HGH before the match. Farca are protected by the corrupt buttholes Uefa and Fifa. Uefalona is over 400 million euros in debt, 300 million of which come from the bribes they paid to the refs over the years. The 400 pound obese plastic american fans may not agree with these facts but they cannot think clearly due to years of inbreeding and stuffing their fat faces with cheetos

quote:

its disappointing to see farca fans cannot accept the facts presented here but msot of them are inbred trailer trash with an IQ of 40. They spend all day siotting around waiting for their benefits so they can eat more cheetos and gain another 100 pounds. PLastic American bandwagoners who can't see farca is a dirty team that disgraces football.

Messi is lucky that he live in Spain/Argentina where children are not protected from sexual predator. Otherwise, he would be in jail a long time ago.....What kind of sick person would support a guy who preyed on 14 years old kid

quote:

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN I PRESENT YOU FARCA, THE MOST CLASSLESS DISGRACEFUL CLUB IN WORLD FOOTBALL FILLED WITH DIVING CHEATING LOW LIVES AS PLAYERS AND BANDWAGON PLASTIC GLORYHUNTERS WITH NO FOOTBALL KNOWLEDGE AS FANS
barca are the most classless club in the world period:

in jecting players with hgh to illegally enhance performance
discriminating against non catalans
tapping up cesc through media
pep asking for sprinklers after being humiliated by jose
buying refs like ovrebo repeatedly
reserve gk blowing the whistle
busquets iniesta alves etc constant diving and play acting
president predicitng 5-0, what ahppened there?
REPEATEDLY PAYING REFS TO WIN EVERY SINGLE TROPHY BY PEP WRITING PAY CHEQUES TO THE REFS IN ADVANCE, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE SCUM CALL THE REFS

quote:

Messi is not even the best right now, let alone put him in all time lists. CR is the most complete and best footballer currently and would make the all time top 15 list. messi would struggle to make the all time top 25 list

Wake me up when messi does something outside of xavi and iniesta and in multiple leagues under different conditions like CR

watch messi fade away into obscurity once xavi and iniesta stop spoon feeding him

Honestly messi is media hype and fanboy propaganda. he is nothing special and should never be compared to the likes of Pele, Maradona etc as he will never be as good

To all you clowns who are riding messi jock because you happy that he can give you head without having to go on his knees??/

quote:

messy = sissy
messi = HGH leprechaun
messy = arrigant diver
messy = NOBODY outside farca cheating tactics
messy = suck farca fans dick without going on his knees
Messy = mediocre overrated player
messy = coward

quote:

In a class, the teacher is asking everyone what jobs their parents have.

Teacher to Kid: And what does your dad do?

Jimmy: He�s a stripper in a gay bar and often lets other men touch his privates.

After class, Teacher takes Jimmy to one side.

Teacher: Is that true about your dad?

Jimmy: No, he plays FC Barcelona but I was too embarrassed to say

# ? Mar 19, 2012 00:00

Healbot: Jul 7, 2006; very very very fucjable
very vywr very

A special Sunderland fan venting outside of SA.

# ? Mar 19, 2012 00:29

crappledan: Dec 17, 2009; Serious Title Contenders

trem_two posted:

These are all from the same guy, posted within a span of about 15 minutes or so.

how i felt after the game last yr tbh

# ? Mar 19, 2012 00:38

Parity warning: Nov 1, 2009; 3rd Place, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

who is Buttsacks?

# ? Mar 19, 2012 00:55

Mickolution: Oct 1, 2005; Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

I hope he doesn't get away with calling UEFA and FIFA corrupt buttholes.

# ? Mar 19, 2012 01:22

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Red Issue posted:

Compare & contrast: 2: Bolton games called off after player collapses 2: United games called off after 8 players die #dianafication

# ? Mar 19, 2012 13:39

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# ? May 13, 2024 22:03

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

# ? Mar 19, 2012 13:45

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

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