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18. Apparatchik of Kwalish.
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Mar 23, 2012 11:08
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I remember an old Dragon article which had some comedy items, one of which was the Robe of Useless Items. The only one of its contents I remember was a doorframe which attached itself to openings (no door attached). The other was a Robe of Blending. It had four settings. The highest was "puree".
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Mar 23, 2012 11:16
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:10. Girdle of Average Human Strength This seems possibly useful for a character with below-average strength.
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Mar 23, 2012 11:17
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Adelheid Stark posted:This seems possibly useful for a character with below-average strength. Exactly. Those are my favorite useless magic items - the ones that could be useful in just the right circumstances.
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Mar 23, 2012 11:19
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19. Goggles of Minute Seeing. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. 20. The ability to speak the language of your choice, but not understand it. 21. The ability to conjure food at will. Creating the food costs exactly as many calories as you'll get from consuming it. 22. A bowl of porridge. 23. Potion of Mild Heartburn. girl dick energy fucked around with this message at 11:41 on Mar 23, 2012 |
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Mar 23, 2012 11:38
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24) Reverse Ioun Stones (The user rotates slowly but constantly around the stone) 25) Wings of Chicken Flight 26) Horseshoes of Sleipnir (a set of 8 that must all be on to work) 27) Cursed sword of Accounting (You can't stop doing your taxes!) 28) Hammer of gentle applause 29) Two AA Batteries Edit: Something I was wondering. Has anyone really had a long term evil game work out well? I found them fun as one shots or small games, but long games always devolve into full on party conflict. Of course it didn't help my gaming group back in the day wasn't the best. I should have realized how much of a pain one player would be when he insisted he his druids name be "Lord DukeKing Numbnuts". thiswayliesmadness fucked around with this message at 12:20 on Mar 23, 2012 |
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Mar 23, 2012 12:07
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30. Touch an item you are currently wearing. You gain perfect awareness of that item's whereabouts (relative to you) for the next five seconds. 31. Helm of Same Alignment. 32. Gain an ancient tome, rolled on subtable 7C. (Ex: "101 Kobold Jokes", "Cooking With Residuum") 33. Amulet of Protraction. (Lengthens the wearer's neck by 10%) 34. An ordinary garden snail somewhere in the world becomes your eternal and implacable enemy.
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Mar 23, 2012 12:17
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35. Ring of Spider Summoning (summons 1d6 non-magical, non-poisonous, average sized spiders) 36. The rules for playing solitare (how does this always end up shuffled in? sorry guys, just deal another card) 37. A delicious sandwich 38. A bland, slightly dry sandwich Volmarias fucked around with this message at 12:41 on Mar 23, 2012 |
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Mar 23, 2012 12:32
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Reads like a list of things you might get out of a mission item dispenser in Paranoia.
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Mar 23, 2012 12:40
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Volmarias posted:35. Ring of Spider Summoning (summons 1d6 non-magical, non-poisonous, average sized spiders) 39. A Jill sandwich. 1d20 zombies and 1d6 Umbrella Corporation commandoes appear and fight you for the sandwich.
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Mar 23, 2012 12:49
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InfiniteJesters posted:39. A Jill sandwich. 1d20 zombies and 1d6 Umbrella Corporation commandoes appear and fight you for the sandwich. 40. A sexy sandwich. A male and female (where applicable) of your species suddenly appear in front of and behind you and grind on you. Whether this is a good outcome is up to you.
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Mar 23, 2012 12:54
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41. Rod of Wander - slowly moves away from you in a random direction
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Mar 23, 2012 13:06
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Volmarias posted:40. A sexy sandwich. A male and female (where applicable) of your species suddenly appear in front of and behind you and grind on you. Whether this is a good outcome is up to you. 41. A Sandvich. Small, delicious, made with delicious meat, cheese, and one olive. Able to be used approx. once every 3 rounds. Grants +5 on Diplomacy checks with Russian mercenaries.
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Mar 23, 2012 13:07
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43. Headband of the Dunkmasters. +10 to dunk checks. Magically compels you to invent and popularize basketball so that you have a venue in which to make dunk checks.
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Mar 23, 2012 13:15
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44. Bag of Folding. A small cloth bag, ordinary in almost every way; however, any mundane piece of paper or parchment placed within the bag will be folded into a competently made but unremarkable origami crane or some other small paper sculpture. 45. Sanding Stones. A pair of ordinary but somewhat rough-surfaced stones.
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Mar 23, 2012 13:17
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42. Comes after 45 and before 46. Gain the help of an invisibile patron, who will narrate your entire experience in third person with a soothing voice.
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Mar 23, 2012 13:57
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46. Gain 2d4 followers who will follow you around and play your theme music on magical synthesizers. Bonus to diplomacy checks, negatives to stealth checks and getting to sleep at night.
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Mar 23, 2012 14:10
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:46. Gain 2d4 followers who will follow you around and play your theme music on magical synthesizers. Bonus to diplomacy checks, negatives to stealth checks and getting to sleep at night. Brave Sir Robin ran away! Bravely ran away, away! Oh brave Sir Robin! As a DM I would have a blast with this one.
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Mar 23, 2012 14:23
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47: You hit someone with the stick.
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Mar 23, 2012 14:29
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Zandar posted:I remember an old Dragon article which had some comedy items, one of which was the Robe of Useless Items. The only one of its contents I remember was a doorframe which attached itself to openings (no door attached). Is this the one that had the Ring of Spell: Turning? It seemed to be a Ring of Spell Turning, but whenever a spell was cast at you, instead of turning it back, a loud voice would proclaim: "TURNING: T-U-R-N-I-N-G. TURNING."
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Mar 23, 2012 14:44
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thiswayliesmadness posted:Edit: Something I was wondering. Has anyone really had a long term evil game work out well? I found them fun as one shots or small games, but long games always devolve into full on party conflict. Of course it didn't help my gaming group back in the day wasn't the best. I should have realized how much of a pain one player would be when he insisted he his druids name be "Lord DukeKing Numbnuts".
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Mar 23, 2012 15:08
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48. Bag of Slightly Extra Holding. Appears to hold 5% extra capacity than one would think from looking at it.
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Mar 23, 2012 15:24
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I recently had a great near-TPK experience in a 3.5 game. Our party was gathered on a mountaintop overlooking a chasm a thousand feet wide and half a mile deep, on the other side of which was the band of baddies trying to break into an ancient temple we were tasked with protecting. We buff up and prepare for a stealthy approach. The cleric cast Silence on us and the sorcerer cast Invisibility Sphere. Then the sorcerer cast Teleport to get us inside the temple, but rolled a mishap. We materialized halfway across the chasm, but the cleric dismissed Silence and cast Wind Walk with a successful Concentration check. We won the day, but it would have been an outstanding TPK had we not. If a party of silent invisible adventurers plummets to their death, will any mourn their passing?
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Mar 23, 2012 15:28
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49. Magic Hat of Rabbit Summoning Hat enchanted with a powerful spell of summoning. Can draw rabbits from the hat, 5 times per day.
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Mar 23, 2012 16:16
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GaryLeeLoveBuckets posted:Is this the one that had the Ring of Spell: Turning? It seemed to be a Ring of Spell Turning, but whenever a spell was cast at you, instead of turning it back, a loud voice would proclaim: This is exactly what I was going to post. The best useless item.
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Mar 23, 2012 17:38
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50. Goggles of Animal Vision (You can now see animals that are in your field of vision)
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Mar 23, 2012 18:21
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51: Orb of Dragons-are-kind. Dragons will be more polite to you. This has no mechanical effect and evil dragons will still attack you, but they will do so with incredible politeness and formality.
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Mar 23, 2012 18:55
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52. Goggles of Detect Air (everything not glowing is not air)
Yawgmoth fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Mar 23, 2012 |
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Mar 23, 2012 18:56
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53. Bracers of Underbite
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Mar 23, 2012 19:17
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54. A giant turtle becomes your fierce ally. However, it is deathly afraid of water and refuses to enter bodies of water.
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Mar 23, 2012 20:04
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thiswayliesmadness posted:
Seigfox is currently running an evil game using Iron Heroes d20. So far the party conflict issue hasn't really come up, mostly because we're mature players who have known each other a while. Some of us also have at least somewhat linked background stories which definitely helps with party unity. We squabble from time to time but nobody has bothered to murder anyone else yet. A guy who joined halfway through and another character could have come to blows two sessions ago but they parted ways for a little while and everything after that was cool. And on that note I hope he puts a Deck of Useless Things into our game, I will be the first one to pull from it.
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Mar 23, 2012 20:59
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55: Gain a Robe of Rapid Disrobe. Made of fluffy terrycloth, this robe can be removed in less than a second as long as the belt isn't tied. 56: Turn (Around) Undead. Bonnie Tyler's hit song plays at a loud (but not deafening) volume and all undead within hearing range are compelled to turn 360 degrees before they can take another action. Every now and then, one of them falls apart. 57: Bears. 58: You invent Nutra-Sweet. Nobody likes it. 59: Hammer-toe: Your toe can pound in nails. If swung in combat, shoeless, it does 1d3 lethal damage. 60: Hammer-head: Contrary to what you would expect from item 59, instead of being able to pound in nails, your head grows two lobes from either side. e: herp, decks only have 52 cards 
wellwhoopdedooo fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Mar 23, 2012 |
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Mar 23, 2012 23:40
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wellwhoopdedooo posted:57: Bears. I do love this one however. "So what did I draw?" "Bears." "What do you mean Bears?" "Just... Bears. Everything has become bears. Good game everyone, roll up new characters, see you Tuesday."
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Mar 23, 2012 23:50
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Either that, or a draw of Bears forces you to draw from subdeck Deck of Many Bears... ouch, I drew #44 "poo poo, that's a lot of goddamn bears!"
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Mar 24, 2012 00:01
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Since we're speaking of mostly-useless magic items, my party once found a box. About a foot long, ornate metal box, carved in ornamental vines, patterns and the like. When shaken, the box emits a sound. One time it's the sound of clinking coins, next time flowing water. Or an avalanche. Or some creature angry with being woken up. You get the idea. There is no apparent way to open the box, no visible lock, and unlocking/opening spells do not work. Neither do low-to-mid level scrying spells. I had way too much fun watching them try to discover the box's secret. The box was actually a form of a term project in a wizards' academy. Some useless effect and a just exact combination of protective spells, hence the "non-magic magic protection".
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Mar 24, 2012 00:42
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wellwhoopdedooo posted:e: herp, decks only have 52 cards It's a magical deck, serious wizards put a lot of effort into making new cards, so much in fact they couldn't come up with good ideas for all of them.
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Mar 24, 2012 01:02
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wellwhoopdedooo posted:e: herp, decks only have 52 cards Not Tarot decks, which the Deck of Many Things is pretty clearly inspired by.  So let me ask - what were some of the best ways you ever saw low-level, relatively minor magical spells or items used in your game? One of my favorites was the time our wizard threw a few Continual Light spells on some blunted arrows; when we ran into Shadows or needed to throw up a flare in army combat or just needed a flashy distraction, one of the party members who could use a bow had a flying brilliant light source ready to hand at pretty much all times. It's such a simple little trick, but the applications are almost endless.
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Mar 24, 2012 01:28
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We had our wizard use Dimensional Door to *BAMPH* around like Nightcrawler. In lieu of featherfall, when we were falling from an airship, he dimension door-ed us to a few feet right above the river below us and then gave us water-walk. We just walked to shore and kept going It was like a high-altitude, low-opening drop. Screw falling slowly!
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Mar 24, 2012 01:44
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One of my players was fond of using Web and then setting it on fire. It worked pretty well. Also, back in the 90s, my party was being chased through a series of canyons by a dragon. It couldn't fly (canyons too narrow and deep), so it was chasing them on foot. I had described the rock arches and stuff overhead in an effort to make them realise that the canyons would be a good place to hide. The wizard said "I wait behind a rock just under an arch", and I couldn't figure out what he was up to until he uttered the amazing words "I cast Enlarge on the dragon". So yeah, it was wedged in there until the duration was over, and they got away. They went back much later in the game and killed it, because those fuckers bore a grudge. Edit: I have no idea if it was legal in rules-as-written, but how could a DM deny an escape plan that awesome?
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Mar 24, 2012 01:59
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During a game of 4E the party came upon what was basically a gnoll army rally where their shaman leader was whipping them into a religious frenzy before they assaulted a nearby town. The party wizard waits until there is a lull in the fervor and uses the at-will ability "Ghost Sound", loudly insulting Yeenoghu, the gnoll's demon-god. Since he did so in their language and rolled a near-perfect bluff check the gnolls start savaging the ones closest to the noise, assuming that they were the culprits. Three or four rounds later and the gnolls have reduced most of their war party to a viscous pink pulp, and the party moves in to finish off the stragglers.
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Mar 24, 2012 02:15
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