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vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011


Americans are the worst.

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vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Babby Thatcher posted:

that's incredible

I loved this:


like, not only does it hit all the usual GREAT ATHLETE = GREAT AT ANY SPORT poo poo but they even know that Rose would be right footed and great at creating chances... because he's good at creating chances in the NBA... with his hands.

If only Jonny Wilkinson had played football then England would have won all the world cups since 2002, don't you know.

Blue Star Error
Jun 11, 2001

For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)
American articles like that about football are my favourite loving things, they are briliant

belgend
Mar 6, 2008

me when The Club do another win

All the way from Yahoo:

How MANY penalties and Red Cards did WEBB hand out to Blackburn today?
Heard there was an elbow on someone small and ginger

and the referee didnt take any action

Knowing Webb , it was a Blackburn player that got elbowed.


Again heard a lad of 19 got slapped on the face.......knowing Webb its yet again a Blackburn player that was slapped


And I heard LUCKY United won 0-2........it was two penalties surely which Webb awarded for a Man United player pushing a Blackburn player

Am I right? (of course I am)

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle

vyelkin posted:

If only Jonny Wilkinson had played football then England would have won all the world cups since 2002, don't you know.

similarly, if Chris Waddle had played rugby,

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
That has to be parody. It hits all the right marks. They even think Celtic are an Irish team. Only someone who's really studied Americans could get all the little things exactly right.

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Babby Thatcher posted:

that's incredible

I loved this:


like, not only does it hit all the usual GREAT ATHLETE = GREAT AT ANY SPORT poo poo but they even know that Rose would be right footed and great at creating chances... because he's good at creating chances in the NBA... with his hands.

leo messi stranded on revis island

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
If only Cristiano Ronaldo was an F1 driver, Portugal could win things. And if only Leo Messi played basketball, then Argentina could win the Olympics.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Imagine if Charlie Adam played baseball... wow...

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle
if Andy Carroll played basketball he'd still be poo poo but loads of idiot fucker college fans would dub him 'the new Larry Bird' and he'd get drafted real high and doom the pacers or some shite to another decade of irrelevance and all the turds who hyped him would go back to castefootball.us

fun to think about, imo

Eric Cantonese
Dec 21, 2004

You should hear my accent.

Babby Thatcher posted:

if Andy Carroll played basketball he'd still be poo poo but loads of idiot fucker college fans would dub him 'the new Larry Bird' and he'd get drafted real high and doom the pacers or some shite to another decade of irrelevance and all the turds who hyped him would go back to castefootball.us

fun to think about, imo

This made me laugh. Thank you, IPB.

Modus Trollens
Sep 12, 2010

Leo Messi can kick things why isn't he a kicker in the NFL?

Doesn't he know the highest honor on earth is a super bowl ring

belgend
Mar 6, 2008

me when The Club do another win

What if Yakubu were a WWE...

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
Just think of Wayne Gretzky up front, breaking records for goals scored in a season.

Babby Thatcher
May 3, 2004

concept by my buddy kyle
Stone Cold Charlie Austin forever headlining 'mania

Paperhouse
Dec 31, 2008

I think
your hair
looks much
better
pushed
over to
one side
that article just cannot be real, it's too loving good

dilbertschalter
Jan 12, 2010

jyrka posted:

Imagine if Charlie Adam played baseball... wow...

this is by far the best of the responses so far, excellent work.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Babby Thatcher posted:

Stone Cold Charlie Austin forever headlining 'mania

I see nothing wrong with this

Monday Bandele
Apr 26, 2008
Americans see Usain Bolt and think "hmm this sprinting thing is all well and good, but what if he were a wide receiver???"

Spangly A
May 14, 2009

God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

Monday Bandele posted:

Americans see Usain Bolt and think "hmm this sprinting thing is all well and good, but what if he were a wide receiver???"

To be fair, Usain Bolt sees Usain Bolt and thinks "hmm this sprinting thing is all well and good, but what if I was an inside forward???"

one day someone is going to offer him that contract he wants and he's going to be the new That German Bloke Who Was Crap But Fast

belgend
Mar 6, 2008

me when The Club do another win

Mickolution
Oct 1, 2005

Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

Spangly A posted:

one day someone is going to offer him that contract he wants and he's going to be the new That German Bloke Who Was Crap But Fast

Walcott's English, mate.

Total Meatlove
Jan 28, 2007

:japan:
Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;
Did Dwain Chambers ever play a proper NFL game in the end?

Loving Africa Chaps
Dec 3, 2007


We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night, I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

Fat Guy Sexting posted:

Did Dwain Chambers ever play a proper NFL game in the end?

No I think the guardian summed it up as him being "the third best running back in the third worst team in a third rate league" or words to that effect.

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014
ochocinco...

Pen Express
Sep 23, 2009
For one i see a fantastic keeper thats won golden gloves and accolades galore....i see i young defensive unit that untill injuries was the tightest in the division barring city....i see a very young midfield......Jonjo-Jay-Hendo-Lucas...whats the average age with them lot?......i see Stevie fuckin G....i see one of the best attacking players in the league in Suarez....i see i giant young Geordie forward...i see loving potential....i see the big loving picture...i see a young, british orientated base that given the time and a dusting of foriegn magic will be a top side in the division for the next ten years not the next ten months...and i havnt even got round to talking about the little winger and his mates inthe reserves....i tell you what mate you keep paying your 48 quid to watch the spineless...i`ll just come onto RAWK there`s plenty of spineless on here for free.

crappledan
Dec 17, 2009

Serious Title Contenders
liverpool is on its knees and taking a gigantic load of foreign magic is the only way this nightmare is going to end imo

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


has anyone that isnt a liverpool fan ever given a gently caress about golden gloves?

Bobby Digital
Sep 4, 2009

St Evan Echoes posted:

has anyone that isnt a liverpool fan ever given a gently caress about golden gloves?

Floyd Mayweather and Mike Tyson give a gently caress about Golden Gloves.

crappledan
Dec 17, 2009

Serious Title Contenders
http://www.chelsea.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=528496

next season on the Premier League: out pops a smiling villas boas

Ninpo
Aug 6, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

appledan posted:

http://www.chelsea.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=528496

next season on the Premier League: out pops a smiling villas boas

:psypop:

crappledan
Dec 17, 2009

Serious Title Contenders
For most of my life, and all of my time on SomethingAwful, the only two sports I have shown an interest in are football and baseball. The only time my life and soccer have crossed paths was a buddy's rec team I agreed to join the summer before I left for university. Having played lacrosse the last 9 years, the season became a yellow-card-ridden trial and error process of figuring out how much contact was allowed, and getting rid of the ball before something bad could happen that would end up resting on my shoulders. The World Cup 2 years ago got me thinking that it wouldn't be hard to be a fan, so after it ended I stayed on the eastern side of the pond to begin a journey.

There were already numerous threads started by others in the same position as me, so I figured this an excellent place to start. After hours upon hours of reading, it seemed my course of action was already laid: I would watch tons of games and let the team choose me, much in a Harry Potter's wand sort of way. This seems to induce some kind of extra close bond, which in the case of world class athletes I will say "no homo" but not object. I looked up the next good match to watch, and lucky for me it was tomorrow! Which is now today!!!

The match has just ended, for those of you who don't know it was FC Barcelona vs AC Milan, and ended 3-1 in Barca's (already working on my slang) favor. Going into this game, from my reading, I knew Barcelona was always a top contender in its league, and arguably the best in Spain and the world. I also knew Milan was the best in Italy and its league as well. But it seemed Barcelona always had bandwagon fans due to its success and was a flashy team. This greatly reminded me of our New England Patriots, a team I detest in the states, so I decided Barcelona was not a team I could get behind before the game even started.

During the game, I enjoyed watching it. It was obvious Milan didn't have much of a chance. Although Barcelona was clearly better, they were not extraordinarily interesting by any means. Messi, who I had read before was a great player, obviously fit his hype and it was easy to tell I was watching one of the great athletes of the sport. The few times Milan had the ball for an extended amount of time, they didn't exactly lose my interest. I would love to see this team against someone closer to their own caliber.

All in all, today was a great introduction to the sport. After being bombarded by the cornucopia of leagues and teams Europe has to offer, even crossing just one of my list of potential favorites feels like a good start. I look forward to my journey further into the sport, and will keep this updated as much as I can. I would love feedback, conversation, and discussion. Thanks!

Ewar Woowar
Feb 25, 2007

appledan posted:

For most of my life, and all of my time on SomethingAwful, the only two sports I have shown an interest in are football and baseball. The only time my life and soccer have crossed paths was a buddy's rec team I agreed to join the summer before I left for university. Having played lacrosse the last 9 years, the season became a yellow-card-ridden trial and error process of figuring out how much contact was allowed, and getting rid of the ball before something bad could happen that would end up resting on my shoulders. The World Cup 2 years ago got me thinking that it wouldn't be hard to be a fan, so after it ended I stayed on the eastern side of the pond to begin a journey.

There were already numerous threads started by others in the same position as me, so I figured this an excellent place to start. After hours upon hours of reading, it seemed my course of action was already laid: I would watch tons of games and let the team choose me, much in a Harry Potter's wand sort of way. This seems to induce some kind of extra close bond, which in the case of world class athletes I will say "no homo" but not object. I looked up the next good match to watch, and lucky for me it was tomorrow! Which is now today!!!

The match has just ended, for those of you who don't know it was FC Barcelona vs AC Milan, and ended 3-1 in Barca's (already working on my slang) favor. Going into this game, from my reading, I knew Barcelona was always a top contender in its league, and arguably the best in Spain and the world. I also knew Milan was the best in Italy and its league as well. But it seemed Barcelona always had bandwagon fans due to its success and was a flashy team. This greatly reminded me of our New England Patriots, a team I detest in the states, so I decided Barcelona was not a team I could get behind before the game even started.

During the game, I enjoyed watching it. It was obvious Milan didn't have much of a chance. Although Barcelona was clearly better, they were not extraordinarily interesting by any means. Messi, who I had read before was a great player, obviously fit his hype and it was easy to tell I was watching one of the great athletes of the sport. The few times Milan had the ball for an extended amount of time, they didn't exactly lose my interest. I would love to see this team against someone closer to their own caliber.

All in all, today was a great introduction to the sport. After being bombarded by the cornucopia of leagues and teams Europe has to offer, even crossing just one of my list of potential favorites feels like a good start. I look forward to my journey further into the sport, and will keep this updated as much as I can. I would love feedback, conversation, and discussion. Thanks!

All I can think of when I see posts like this is Russ's youtube video

Loving Africa Chaps
Dec 3, 2007


We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night, I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

Ewar Woowar posted:

All I can think of when I see posts like this is Russ's youtube video

Deserves a reposting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSGpiJ1Zvhw

Ninpo
Aug 6, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Loving Africa Chaps posted:

Deserves a reposting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSGpiJ1Zvhw

Holy loving poo poo that's fantastic.

PirateBob
Jun 14, 2003
It was a set-up all along! :argh:

:tinfoil:

1. Media starts the pre season build up saying things like 'it's anyones title' ' City are dangerous this year' ' Chelsea are strong'. The stage is set.

2. Season starts referees are instructed by their paymasters at Sky to be fair and consistent, create a bit of a mish mash at the top so it looks like it will be a real competitive season.

3. Just before Xmas the powers that be give their briefing to the officials and the media prepare their ' United get stronger after xmas' headlines and 'United have the experience' ' City will bottle it' headlines. Again the stage is set.

4. Next phase is to weaken Uniteds opposition, time to throw in some strange red cards, turn a blind eye to obvious yellow cards increasing the pressure on uniteds opposition. The media now start producing their training ground photographs of bust ups(but I've never seen one from united) this creates negativity.

5. Now the critical phase which is to give united enough belief and confidence to take command, they are given penalties and freekicks and opposition players are red carded for the most minor offences. In the background the media now start their ' United are great' headlines.

6. After months of this Uniteds opponents are now so disheartened at their lack of decisions and missing colleagues due to suspension start to lower their heads.

The result = United 'win' the title the opposition manager is forced out by the media leaving them in a yet weaker position. Que the headlines 'united charge to the title' etc and the paymasters at sky count the profits from the army of armchair rags who subscribe again for next season when the headlines start again.......

frameset
Apr 13, 2008

Babby Thatcher posted:

if Andy Carroll played basketball he'd still be poo poo but loads of idiot fucker college fans would dub him 'the new Larry Bird' and he'd get drafted real high and doom the pacers or some shite to another decade of irrelevance and all the turds who hyped him would go back to castefootball.us

fun to think about, imo

The great white dope.

Pen Express
Sep 23, 2009
I think its laughable how some people just expect carra to give up his place!! carra is a fierce competitor and hell never do that...what the gently caress do people expect from him..to come out and and say oh i think a 21 year old kid from uruguay with no premier league experience can perform better than me in a team that im vice captain of and lifted several trophies with so coach please put me on the fuckin bench!! some ridiculous comments in here..this legend has a mentality most of us will never ever have so stop trying to get in his psyche!!! support him for all he did for this club for gods sake!!

I can't stop reading RAWK

CaptainRightful
Jan 11, 2005

If this thread just isn't enough for you, check out https://twitter.com/#!/RAWK_Meltdown

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Mickolution
Oct 1, 2005

Ballers...I put numbers on the boards
That's pretty funny, but would you be arsed?

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