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Yeah, all that Dondarrion poo poo is awesome and pretty close to what I want. He won't reappear until next season though, right? poo poo, I just want to go read his parts again now.
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Apr 21, 2012 22:39
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^^^ Did that the other day. B. Don is the poo poo.Chinston Wurchill posted:The idea of the holy sword having naked ladies on its hilt titillates me. Your arousal is arousing. I really hope GRRM pulls a George Lucas and has someone else finish Winds and Dream, then he goes back and removes Ned dying, adds more Dany making GBS threads, puts in extra characters and monsters, changes all the scenes around, has Ned sent to the wall where he tells Jon the truth (he's the lost son of Robert and Cersei), and makes prequel books about the adventures of young Robert Baratheon that alter the timeline and previously established events.
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Apr 21, 2012 22:43
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Chinston Wurchill posted:The idea of the holy sword having naked ladies on its hilt titillates me. A sword with naked ladies on its hilt is something Shiva could wield while preparing to destroy all creation.
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Apr 21, 2012 22:52
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Tony Danza Claus posted:^^^ Did that the other day. B. Don is the poo poo. Apparently in the blu-rays of season 1 during Ned's beheading the sept of Baelor is made entirely of cgi feces.
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Apr 21, 2012 22:57
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Dear GRRM, please rewrite the season 4 episode so Joffrey lives and Olenna poisons Tyrion.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:21
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Tony Danza Claus posted:Dear GRRM, please rewrite the season 4 episode so Joffrey lives and Olenna poisons Tyrion. But then the show watchers will never ponder where whores go!
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Apr 21, 2012 23:23
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I always assumed Tyrion was setting that up for 'on my penis'.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:25
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Urdnot Fire posted:But then the show watchers will never ponder where whores go! Give all of Tyrion's ADWD chapters to Sansa, since she's pretty much written out. She can kill Tywin and ride a pig. And since there's no Reeds, just have Bran become the tree outside Winterfell in season 2, so we don't have to sit through 4 seasons of him talking to the nobody that isn't there because wise decisions are being made with this show. Lastly, just cut the Red Viper altogether. We've already had a Tyrion trial by combat, so have Olenna kill Tyrion, then Sansa kills Tywin and her and Shae have pig riding adventures and season 5 is now freed up to just be about them finding out where whores go while riding pigs.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:34
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That would be 100% better than AFFC/ADWD.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:36
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Tony Danza Claus posted:Lastly, just cut the Red Viper altogether. But then we won't get the casual racism over his black fuckbuddy and we won't get that scene Gurm lifted from The Princess Bride word for word!
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Apr 21, 2012 23:38
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IRQ posted:But then we won't get the casual racism over his black fuckbuddy and we won't get that scene Gurm lifted from The Princess Bride word for word! I'm ok with that. The point of this story isn't great characters doing cool poo poo. It's about whores and monologues. And Sansa's hairdos. And sex scenes. And Lena Headey looking like she smells a fart. So just cut Arya and the male characters and have Ros take the iron throne and Shae and Sansa go east to find whores. Boob of Boobs Season 5 will be spectacular. Oh yeah, and write out all that stuff with the wall. It's boring. More whore boobs and Sansa talking about her hair.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:44
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If you write out the wall then no one gets to visit that town full of underground whores.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:46
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run DNC posted:If you write out the wall then no one gets to visit that town full of underground whores. That's where whores go, silly. We'll have Ros go there and everyone can snowball Dolorous Edd.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:48
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I have this idea. I think Martin doesn't really want to write a fantasy story. The plot he actually cares about, the King's Landing war of five kings stuff, was all resolved in the third book. There's a reason why, whenever someone becomes involved with the magic, they get separated from the main plot either by going to the Wall or Essos or loving around int he Stormlands or Oldtown and they never interact with any of the other characters again. He's already said he was really interested in writing a pastiche of the War of the Roses without being limited by the outcome being a foregone conclusion, as it would be in a historical novel. I think he either had to, or felt he had to, tack on fantasy elements to get the thing to sell in the current market, and now that the part he actually wanted to resolve has been resolved, he has a bunch of tacked on fantasy poo poo that he was making up as he went along and he has no idea left where to go with it. It's a shame, since he has a real gift for prose (occasional excesses like his food fixation and awkward sex scenes), and with tighter plotting an excision of the cliche fantasy elements, he could have elevated his work above genre fiction and written something really deep.
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Apr 21, 2012 23:52
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Ambiguatron posted:It's a shame, since he has a real gift for prose (occasional excesses like his food fixation and awkward sex scenes), and with tighter plotting an excision of the cliche fantasy elements, he could have elevated his work above genre fiction and written something really deep. You mean like his other works?
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Apr 21, 2012 23:56
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You laugh now, but the pear shaped man will be as unnecessarily praised in 2063 as Lord of the Rings was in 2003.
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Apr 22, 2012 00:13
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So it's going to get 10 hours worth of an epic trilogy? Somehow I can see my aged self going to see it.
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Apr 22, 2012 00:14
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Urdnot Fire posted:So it's going to get 10 hours worth of an epic trilogy? If I live to see 84 (fat chance, I'll probably punch my ticket before 40) I'll camp out in front of the theater to see that poo poo mega-3D hologram.
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Apr 22, 2012 00:17
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Tony Danza Claus posted:If I live to see 84 (fat chance, I'll probably punch my ticket before 40) I'll camp out in front of the theater to see that poo poo mega-3D hologram. You're old. How does it feel to be old, you... you... old?!
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Apr 22, 2012 00:19
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:You're old. How does it feel to be old, you... you... old?! It's like being young, but my balls dip into the toilet water and my car insurance is insanely cheap.
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Apr 22, 2012 00:22
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If they cut Obgyn Martell I will be sooooooooo maaaaaaaad
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Apr 22, 2012 02:15
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Tony Danza Claus posted:You laugh now, but the pear shaped man will be as unnecessarily praised in 2063 as Lord of the Rings was in 2003. Would that make :Wildcards: the Silmarillion? Or I guess ASOIAF would be since he is gonna die without ever finishing it
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Apr 22, 2012 04:52
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crazylakerfan posted:Would that make :Wildcards: the Silmarillion? I don't know, the Silmarillion is about as gurmey as Tolkien gets.
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Apr 22, 2012 05:10
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Dear GRRM, Please give me Syrio back. Is that so much to ask? One good swordfighter? Also, no ponies. I don't want a pony.
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Apr 22, 2012 05:13
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Arsenic Lupin posted:Dear GRRM, You get Daario~ as your swordfighter and you will like him.
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Apr 22, 2012 05:24
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Urdnot Fire posted:You get Daario~ as your swordfighter and you will like him. It's like you asked for something highly specific and your grandma got the idea right but the details horribly wrong. Jack LaLane's Putting Challenge.
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Apr 22, 2012 05:34
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Arnold of Soissons posted:It's like you asked for something highly specific and your grandma got the idea right but the details horribly wrong. Jack LaLane's Putting Challenge. Would you like to hear Dany poo poo some more? You have selected, "No".
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Apr 22, 2012 05:43
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hailthefish posted:I don't know, the Silmarillion is about as gurmey as Tolkien gets. Things happened in it though. And parts of it were good. Also I don't think it was ever really intended to be a published book. Furthermore it is about as anti-Gurm as possible in that it provides concrete evidence that Tolkien knew what the gently caress he was doing with his creation and had planned ahead in a way that wasn't posting blogs about football and inappropriately touching females at nerd conventions
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Apr 22, 2012 05:45
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Ambiguatron posted:I have this idea. I think Martin doesn't really want to write a fantasy story.
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Apr 22, 2012 06:56
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Azure_Horizon posted:You should probably read Sandkings or Tuf Voyaging. Either of those elevate themselves above genre fiction with ease. I had a very small doubt that you were trolling, but it is now gone. You gave it away, AH, you really did have me until now.
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Apr 22, 2012 07:03
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Azure_Horizon posted:You should probably read Sandkings or Tuf Voyaging. Either of those elevate themselves above genre fiction with ease. Today I decided to read Gormenghast (on an ancient recommendation from a friend, knowing that it was never finished) and so far I have not been disappointed. It has shades of GURM, or rather seems to have inspired a lot of the better parts of his, uh, work.
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Apr 22, 2012 07:05
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IRQ posted:I had a very small doubt that you were trolling, but it is now gone. You gave it away, AH, you really did have me until now. There's no way IRQ and AH are not the same person.
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Apr 22, 2012 07:11
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Apparently Tommen gets to be the king and hold the Iron Throne well into his 60s at least.
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Apr 22, 2012 09:51
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Hopefully a "GurmSlayer" will impale him.
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Apr 22, 2012 10:00
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IRQ posted:I had a very small doubt that you were trolling, but it is now gone. You gave it away, AH, you really did have me until now. I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Sandkings and Tuf Voyaging are fantastic sci fi works.
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Apr 22, 2012 10:38
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bigmcgaffney posted:If they cut Obgyn Martell I will be sooooooooo maaaaaaaad
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Apr 22, 2012 11:09
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Nurse Gregor. He's quite well-practiced at handling children. e: eugh, I just wanted to look at pretty paintings of cats and bubbles, but this came up in the guy's gallery instead. 
Blade_of_tyshalle fucked around with this message at 11:44 on Apr 22, 2012 |
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Apr 22, 2012 11:10
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Dany the Red-Nosed Targaryen.
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Apr 22, 2012 12:33
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IRQ posted:Things happened in it though.
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Apr 22, 2012 13:00
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Factor_VIII posted:Yeah. I had found it an incredibly boring read. The only reason I ever finished it was that I had taken it with me when I was at a hospital and my choices for passing the time were reading the Silmarillion or staring at the ceiling. That's kinda the thing with it. Christopher Tolkien apologized for ever publishing it, because it isn't a book, it's a massive stack of worldbuilding notes.
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Apr 22, 2012 14:37
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