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Cpaka posted:When I was ring shopping, I looked in a number of local jewelry stores, as well as online for a design for a nice sapphire engagement ring. I didn't really find anything that struck a chord with me, and ended up going to a small, independent jeweler and having a custom ring made. The process was interesting, creative, and involving, and one that I personally enjoyed a lot. The end result was a beautiful, unique ring that is completely and entirely "yours" and quite literally one-of-a-kind - if that sort of thing is important to you. Don't discount the possibility of having something custom made, because you have a much greater amount of control over the final product. That's...almost identical to my situation. She knew that things were coming, and had given me very general preferences of what she liked in rings, but zero input into the design. Came out really well and very one-of-a-kind!
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May 2, 2012 15:53
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I found my ring on etsy. It's not unique, but unusual and it's from far enough away that I seriously doubt I'll run into someone else with one. I guess if that ever happens, we can congratulate each other on our good taste! I've just never been a fan of diamonds (or of the premise of digging up tons of earth to find shiny rocks), and if I hadn't found this one I probably would have asked for a lab-created gemstone. But, since I proposed, it meant that I got to pick out my own ring! He could have exchanged the one I proposed with, but he decided to keep it. 
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May 2, 2012 16:19
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miseerin posted:e: Also, I don't know if you've thought to look, but Etsy.com has a TON of super unique rings. I got his ring from a guy on Etsy, and I know of at least one person on here who actually bought from the guy after seeing my SO's ring. Etsy's got a great selection, sometimes people will custom-make a ring according to her specifications. Just something to chew on while you're thinking about it. Looking for particular things on Etsy feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Do you all have favorite Etsy shops for jewelry, or shops you looked at for rings? Thanks for that one link, Emasculatrix. I really like some of the stuff on there. I don't think my SO is planning to propose anytime soon but I like to browse.
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May 2, 2012 17:31
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Butt Wizard posted:I don't think my SO is planning to propose anytime soon but I like to browse.
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May 2, 2012 22:35
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Butt Wizard posted:Looking for particular things on Etsy feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Do you all have favorite Etsy shops for jewelry, or shops you looked at for rings? Thanks for that one link, Emasculatrix. I really like some of the stuff on there. You might also like this shop. But I'm also going to point out that it drives me crazy when I see women looking at rings and making pinterests when they're passively hoping someone will come along and propose to them. This is one gender role I can't wait to see die- it puts a lot of pressure and expectation on men, and it forces women to give up any say in determining the pace of the relationship. Grab the bull by the horns and make your own life happen, girl! If you want to get married, why don't you ask?
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May 3, 2012 00:08
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We talk about it. I'm not going to force him into anything but he knows where I stand. I realized recently that while I do want to get married, I mostly really enjoy thinking about getting married and planning weddings and coming up with scenarios for stuff. Even other people's weddings. I have an active daydreaming life. Also, hilarious post/username combo. Eggplant Wizard fucked around with this message at 00:53 on May 3, 2012 |
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May 3, 2012 00:50
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Emasculatrix posted:This is one gender role I can't wait to see die- it puts a lot of pressure and expectation on men, and it forces women to give up any say in determining the pace of the relationship. Grab the bull by the horns and make your own life happen, girl! If you want to get married, why don't you ask? It isn't a gender role issue, it's about having healthy communication. A woman doesn't have to propose for a couple to sit down and talk about where their relationship is going. I didn't ask until we both felt we were at a point where we were ready to get married, and even though I took her ring shopping with me before I proposed she didn't know when it would happen. A woman not being able to propose doesn't mean you can't talk about your future, what you expect out of a relationship, when you would like to be married, and anything else. Personally, I'd have been pissed if my fiancee proposed to me. Planning a romantic proposal is something a man can be proud of. It wouldn't have happened, though. Butt Wizard posted:We talk about it. I'm not going to force him into anything but he knows where I stand. I realized recently that while I do want to get married, I mostly really enjoy thinking about getting married and planning weddings and coming up with scenarios for stuff. Even other people's weddings. I have an active daydreaming life. There's nothing wrong with loving thinking about everything but not being ready. When you're actually planning a wedding it'll probably be less fun because not they aren't just ideas, they're plans you have to execute. If you are ready, have a serious conversation with him. One of my cousins had his long-term girlfriend give him ask him to make a choice because he wouldn't propose and it had been a long time. He said he wasn't ready so they broke up. A few months of alone and he realized she was serious, so they got back together and got married. WeaselWeaz fucked around with this message at 14:18 on May 3, 2012 |
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May 3, 2012 14:14
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WeaselWeaz posted:It isn't a gender role issue, it's about having healthy communication....Personally, I'd have been pissed if my fiancee proposed to me. Planning a romantic proposal is something a man can be proud of. It wouldn't have happened, though. I'm all for communicating in a relationship, but what you just said there is a double standard for women and men AKA gender role. I planned an awesome proposal months in advance, spent hours picking out a ring for him, and then got down on one knee. I also have the right to be proud of the romantic proposal I planned, and so do other women. Why should you get that experience and pride just because you're the man? It sounds like Butt Wizard knows what's going on in her relationship, and that's fab. I'm speaking about all the women I've run into over the years who want to get married and are left dropping little passive hints and waiting around, because they don't feel it's okay to outright say what they want, or propose themselves.
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May 3, 2012 15:23
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Butt Wizard posted:Do you all have favorite Etsy shops for jewelry, or shops you looked at for rings? Boone Rings is where I got mine for Dave. If you look at my post history you'll see the pictures of the meteorite one I chose, and Dave loves it. Someone else bought one from this site as well on here. Bandscapes is my favorite to browse through. Even though I got my ring, I loved looking at these. I am also guilty of plastering rings on Pinterest. HOWEVER, my fiance and I knew we were getting married loooong before he proposed, and he also knew I had been planning my wedding since I had Barbies, so he expected/accepted my Pinterest raid. e: Also, if you want a custom ring, Dave went to Brand Jewelers in Hammonton, NJ... picked out the design for a 1 of a kind ring.  If anyone's in the Philly/south Jersey area, I highly recommend these guys.
miseerin fucked around with this message at 16:37 on May 3, 2012 |
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May 3, 2012 16:34
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Emasculatrix posted:I'm all for communicating in a relationship, but what you just said there is a double standard for women and men AKA gender role. I planned an awesome proposal months in advance, spent hours picking out a ring for him, and then got down on one knee. I also have the right to be proud of the romantic proposal I planned, and so do other women. Why should you get that experience and pride just because you're the man? I get that point of view. I don't feel uncomfortable about the idea of proposing... I just want that princess moment that my cultural milieu promised me  I want to be able to show off my ring and go tee hee oh he got down on one knee etc. I imagine that is the real sticking point for a lot of women. Our society isn't at the point yet where it's acceptable (nevermind fun) for a dude to brag about being proposed to in the same way. I agree that it's a double standard, but I don't think that means I'm a bad feminist for wanting my slice of the sweet sweet patriarchal pie. (I know you understand and am not trying to argue, just discuss )He was reading over my shoulder last night when I posted last and he said he likes the idea of being married, but the whole 'getting married' thing seems like a hassle. I told him I'd deal with the planning and all he had to do was show up, and his answer was, "Maybe when your health insurance lapses." He's such a romantic. That's in Fall 2013 which I don't think he knew when he said it, either 
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May 3, 2012 17:50
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You seem very level-headed Butt Wizard. And I am the EXACT same way (tee hee, he proposed). My guy didn't get down on one knee (back problems, also didn't wanna hurt his precious ego :P ) but he did propose via betting on me winning a game of beer pong against him. It wasn't romantic by any means to any ordinary person, but the guy called every single one of our friends that we hang out with at this old warehouse on the weekends to come out and see me get a ring, and it was really creative. It's true about wedding planning... I was NEVER one to consider small, destination weddings or eloping (been planing this poo poo since I was 5)... but drat, I wish I could now. We have 170 people invited, and it sucks. You'll seriously be like, 2 weeks into planning for a wedding, and then throw everything and just say "gently caress it, let's courthouse this poo poo." The only reason we can't is because he family is verrrry Catholic (he is not), so we're appeasing them by having at least a ceremony and reception. If it was up to us, though, we would probably hit Vegas up for eloping (because our honeymoon is there anyways). Once he proposes, give it a couple weeks... when things start to add up, consider being frugal and spending elaborate wedding money towards a down payment on a home, a destination (SMALL) wedding, a loooong honeymoon, future baby funding, college... anything.
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May 3, 2012 19:17
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Butt Wizard posted:I get that point of view. I don't feel uncomfortable about the idea of proposing... I just want that princess moment that my cultural milieu promised me Good for you, you deserve it if that's what you want. He isn't wrong that the "getting married" thing can be a hassle, but it's all about what you want to put into it. I'd reconsider the "just show up" thing though. I didn't expect to be as involved as I am, but there's parts of that I'm glad to be heard on. I like having a voice in the decisions. I can't imagine not doing anything, that would be completely unfair to my fiancee. That said, you have to do what works for you guys. Emasculatrix posted:I'm all for communicating in a relationship, but what you just said there is a double standard for women and men AKA gender role. I planned an awesome proposal months in advance, spent hours picking out a ring for him, and then got down on one knee. I also have the right to be proud of the romantic proposal I planned, and so do other women. Why should you get that experience and pride just because you're the man? That's great that it worked for you and your relationship, and that's what really matters. Not gender roles and a double standard, but that it worked for your relationship. You have every right to be proud of that. Most couples probably would not want that, and my point was people can and should discuss a relationship without thinking they have to go as far as the woman proposing. Emasculatrix posted:I'm speaking about all the women I've run into over the years who want to get married and are left dropping little passive hints and waiting around, because they don't feel it's okay to outright say what they want, or propose themselves. Which is great, and they should. I just think that speaking up in a relationship and proposing to a boyfriend are two different things. Hell, I can't see how speaking up in a relationship even breaks a gender role. It seems more common to see a TV show or movie about relationships with women discussing these issues frankly, as opposed to "Gee, I hope we're going somewhere!". Proposing is breaking a mainstream tradition and gender role, which doesn't make it wrong but it isn't for everyone. WeaselWeaz fucked around with this message at 20:02 on May 3, 2012 |
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May 3, 2012 19:58
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WeaselWeaz posted:That's great that it worked for you and your relationship, and that's what really matters. Not gender roles and a double standard, but that it worked for your relationship. You have every right to be proud of that. Most couples probably would not want that, and my point was people can and should discuss a relationship without thinking they have to go as far as the woman proposing. Not to beat a dead horse, but the fact that you consider a woman proposing as extreme IS a double standard. I'm not saying that all women should propose, I'm saying that it's a messed up world where someone could get "pissed" at a woman for doing the same thing he did (proposing). The simple fact is that you can have all the discussions in the world with your partner, but ultimately you need to wait for someone to propose to formalize it. In a society where men are the ones who are "supposed" to propose, that shifts power away from women. I honestly think that whoever wants to get married/propose should have the support and encouragement to do it, regardless of their sex. If a woman wants their disney princess moment and they're willing to sit around waiting for it, that's their prerogative, but that also shouldn't be their only option.
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May 3, 2012 21:32
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The very concept of weddings and engagement are so deeply rooted in the patriarchy that I'm not even sure why you're in this thread? Some people are really into this poo poo. Yes it's sexist, yes the world would be better if it changed, but why not just let them have their fun in the meantime?
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May 3, 2012 22:03
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^^^ I would say she's in this thread because it's about weddings and engagement, she has an interest in and has been engaged, and has different points of view and advice to bring up. When we have sites like Etsy and Offbeatbride mentioned in here all the time about mixing things up and breaking tradition, why can't we have other opinions mentioned too? On that note... Emasculatrix posted:The simple fact is that you can have all the discussions in the world with your partner, but ultimately you need to wait for someone to propose to formalize it. I absolutely agree that women should be able to, and embrace, the idea of proposing if that's something that they like and look forward to. I do think it would depend on the couple and their dynamic of course, since some couples are happiest in gender stereotype roles and others are happiest in whatever roles they see fit. Just like how some people find it odd when a couple has a child, and the mother goes to work and the father stays at home with the baby--some people find that weird, others embrace it. Totally depends on the couple. One thing I do want to mention is that I don't think that you have to "wait" for someone to propose. Why can't a couple have a conversation, and then decide to get married, without the whole proposal bit? Personally, I always found it a little silly that couples can have a discussion, decide they're ready to get married, sometimes even go ring shopping together, but still wait for "the perfect moment" or the "official" proposal to announce that they're engaged. To me, I see no point to that, but of course for some people, it's traditional and an embraced part of the whole wedding. I certainly don't begrudge anyone wanting their proposal moment (whether they're the one proposing or receiving), but I do feel that's another personal choice. Just figured I'd mention it since there's all the talk about tradition/breaking tradition.
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May 3, 2012 23:10
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Camembert posted:One thing I do want to mention is that I don't think that you have to "wait" for someone to propose. Why can't a couple have a conversation, and then decide to get married, without the whole proposal bit? I know several couples who have done this, and in the case of most of my friends (possibly all? Yeah, probably all), the woman was an active partner in making the decision as a couple that they're ready to get married. That said, yeah, most couples still do like to the whole proposal thing, and that's because it has value as a social institution. Yes, I am aware that the down on one knee diamond ring business is very very young. That said, for the current generation, it's one of those 'milestones' like being old enough to vote or graduating from college/high school or getting your driver's license or getting married or having a kid. Each of those things isn't for everyone, but they tend to be valued by society in general as Important Moments. Sure it's not necessary, but it's a ritual, and people really like rituals. Another interesting thing to consider is that until relatively recently, graduating from college and voting wouldn't be milestones for women; they just weren't things women did. And now we do. I would not be surprised at all if the proposal thing became more unisex in coming years (though there is a huge marketing/pop culture bias against its doing so). Emasculatrix posted:The simple fact is that you can have all the discussions in the world with your partner, but ultimately you need to wait for someone to propose to formalize it. I do not think anyone actually disagrees with you. We all think 1) Proposals by whichever partner are nice and it's nice when they happen if that's what the couple wants 2) It is a double standard when it's "okay" for men to do something and not for women, or vice versa. 3) The typical man proposes to woman situation constitutes a double standard. I think our reactions to it are just different. You seem to me (and I am sorry if I am assigning feelings to you which are not there) to be not simply acknowledging these things and marking them as wrong, but also blaming anyone who does continue to value or who wants to participate in this particular double standard for whatever reason. I am totally with you: it is not fair that women "shouldn't" propose to men; it is not fair that women "should" want to be caretakers for babies; it is not fair that men "shouldn't" want to be caretakers for babies; it is not fair that women "should" take their husbands' names and not the other way around. But right now that's how things are, and you can disagree and voice your opinion all you want, but it is not helpful to look down on people for having different opinions (even wrong ones!). It does not incline people to see your point of view. I think we are getting more into general social issue stuff so I would suggest that everyone take deep breaths before posting further on the subject (Go ahead, just make sure it's even toned), or else go and raise this as a topic for discussion in the general feminism thread. eta: And YES I know this is appallingly heternormative. :teardrop: The issue here is currently a cismale-cisfemale heterosexual relationship issue, however, because there's a long long tradition of power dynamics in such relationships. I would hope that couples of different orientations and gender identities may, by virtue of their newness as societally acknowledged couples, be able to contribute to a leveling of agency in the questions around marriage and the decision to do it or not. Eggplant Wizard fucked around with this message at 02:59 on May 4, 2012 |
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May 4, 2012 02:55
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Im very much in favor of a proper proposal where he gets down on one knee and asks me etc etc. Partially because it would be awesome... but also because I imagine there will be countless, countless questions about how he proposed and Id much rather have a fun little story than have to explain that we just decided to get engaged one day.
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May 4, 2012 03:42
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Not to change the subject from one debatable topic to another but.... name changes, yayyyy! I'm actually filling out my social security card now... I really want to change my name, but I can't let go of my maiden name... has this been a struggle with any of you ladies? One of my girlfriends from basic training actually just got married a couple months ago, and her husband changed his name to hers, which I thought was super awesome. My fiance is very traditional when it comes to that, and wants me to change my name... but drat it, I love being a McG! I just got off the phone with my mom, and she suggested changing my middle name to my maiden name, so it's Erin McG Frank (just putting it out there so you all can get the feel for how boring my name will be and how much i don't want to have a dude's name or another word for "weiner"). I would LOVE to hyphenate it, but at the same time, I get really weird with paperwork, and being in the military, I hate paperwork. So... any other suggestions? It doesn't help that I have a very serious attachment and pride for my heritage. I think what I'm going to do is change it to Frank, keep McG for the military (don't recognize a name change at all), and then tattoo my clan's crest above my ankle like I was going to do in the first place  . e: V V V I was actually going to try to keep my name in the post, considering my profile links to my facebook... but meh, I'll just take out the majority of the letters. Thanks.
miseerin fucked around with this message at 04:11 on May 4, 2012 |
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May 4, 2012 03:47
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I think the maiden name husband name sounds good, actually. Do whatever you're comfortable with. Also I would really suggest editing out your real name. I have my mother's maiden name and my brother has my dad's. I always thought I wouldn't change mine, and I still might not... but I do kind of like the idea of having a shared name (and I do not think changing our last name to something else entirely would fly with his family). I am considering keeping my maiden name for my publications in academia, but using his name for other stuff. My name sounds better but I really do like the idea of having a team name...
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May 4, 2012 04:00
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On a more positive note, I dropped out of my friend's wedding party, no (lasting) hard feelings on either side. Clearly we both had very different expectations as to what being a bridesmaid should be like. I still think the whole "I want to honor you because you're special to me, but this honor is contingent on you spending lots of money to satisfy my every whim" thing is ridiculous, but our friendship will be more likely to last if I'm not resentfully bankrupting myself trying to meet her expectations. Camembert, you got me there. I prefer the romantic proposal myself, but it can be a silly and redundant tradition, that's for sure.
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May 4, 2012 04:17
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Emasculatrix posted:Not to beat a dead horse, but the fact that you consider a woman proposing as extreme IS a double standard. I'm not saying that all women should propose, I'm saying that it's a messed up world where someone could get "pissed" at a woman for doing the same thing he did (proposing). I never said it wasn't a double standard. Life is full of them. I know someone who is a stay at home dad and most people didn't get it even though it worked for his family. My main point was that on a scale of traditionalism a woman proposing in America is far more nontraditional than having a rational conversation about a relationship, not that it's wrong. I don't see how that is not a realistic statement, and it was two different topics being lumped into gender roles. I wouldn't be pissed because she broke gender roles, I'd have been unhappy because she didn't discuss the subject with me or didn't let me do something I thought was important. Not because I'm a man, because I want to be her partner and my opinions have equal value to hers. Hell, as far as weddings go it is often the only part a man gets to be involved in. That's a double standard to, and one that I'm glad is changing. That doesn't mean I think a couple are bad people if they decide not to go against it, though. Emasculatrix posted:The simple fact is that you can have all the discussions in the world with your partner, but ultimately you need to wait for someone to propose to formalize it. In a society where men are the ones who are "supposed" to propose, that shifts power away from women. I honestly think that whoever wants to get married/propose should have the support and encouragement to do it, regardless of their sex. Sure, they should. They should also take their partner's values and desires into account too. It's one thing to talk about general concepts of rights and power, but when you apply it at the detail level to two individuals it's not always as black and white. Emasculatrix posted:If a woman wants their disney princess moment and they're willing to sit around waiting for it, that's their prerogative, but that also shouldn't be their only option. It is their prerogative, but it isn't their only option. Just because a woman doesn't propose doesn't mean she's a weak flower just sitting around. She can absolutely tell her partner what she wants. She can say if they don't get married she's moving on. Just because she isn't breaking gender roles doesn't mean she's powerless. Butt Wizard posted:You seem to me (and I am sorry if I am assigning feelings to you which are not there) to be not simply acknowledging these things and marking them as wrong, but also blaming anyone who does continue to value or who wants to participate in this particular double standard for whatever reason. You're pretty much right on. Emasculatrix has complained about her friend's wedding that she's a bridesmaid in. Some of it has been about her friend being a bridezilla, but an equal amount has seemed to be complaining about traditional expectations as being a waste, stupid, or inconveniencing her. The reality is, this is what weddings are like for most people. I like that this thread is a million times more accepting than TheKnot and people talk about all kinds of ideas. However, that shouldn't mean people who are traditional (but aren't making GBS threads on other people's ideas) shouldn't be accepted.
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May 4, 2012 04:19
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 You were doing so well until that last paragraph. Do you want to edit that out so you don't end an otherwise reasonable post with sniping?Emasculatrix, I'm glad you dropped out of that wedding. I do think the bride was not being a good friend in the way she treated you, whatever weddings are supposedly like these days. In the end, it's about two people showing the community that they plan to stay committed to each other, not about how they start their engagement or how much money they spend.
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May 4, 2012 13:31
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I never plan to change my name. My mom was remarried, so changed her name twice, and I grew up not having the same last name as the rest of my family and never felt out of place with it. Additionally, it maintained a connection to my dad's side of the family even though I didn't get to see him much and many of them were dead. As a kid I always thought it was lame my mom had had 3 different last names in her lifetime, and watching most of my teachers go through the same had me resolved at a young age to remain My Firstnane Lastname forever. I tell anyone I date this info early on. I plan to make my last name my kids' second middle name, no hyphen. But I'm fine with people calling me Mrs. Husband's Lastname socially when I pick up carpool or get invitations. I just don't ever plan to legally change it on paper anywhere. Alternatively, lots of women keep their professional name under which they publish papers as their maiden name, but still change their name legally. To contribute to the derail, my guy's the one doing the proposing because he's the one who wants to get married. I'd be perfectly happy living together indefinitely until one of us needed the other's insurance or we wanted to start having babies. If he had to wait for me to propose he'd probably be waiting another 3 years. Though I'm more into the idea of a long engagement than he is so maybe not. A 3 year engagement [to put off] planning my wedding sounds about perfect to me. To be clear, I want to spend my life with the guy, I just need time to conceive my perfect Indiana Jones themed rustic country circus steam punk beach destination wedding at which my grandmother and stepfather don't get into a fight and none of my friends or numerous female relatives feel left out for not being in the ceremony/ wedding party. VVVVV BRILLIANT! VVVVV PopRocks fucked around with this message at 19:07 on May 4, 2012 |
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May 4, 2012 18:40
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PopRocks posted:To be clear, I want to spend my life with the guy, I just need time to conceive my perfect Indiana Jones themed rustic country circus steam punk beach destination wedding at which my grandmother and stepfather don't get into a fight and none of my friends or numerous female relatives feel left out for not being in the ceremony/ wedding party. Hmm, the obvious solution would be to have at least three different weddings with different themes and largely different guest lists. This is the only practical solution. 
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May 4, 2012 18:52
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Picked out the songs for the ceremony! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dOyjngOsNY This is for the entrance. My man loves it, and I really love this song. It's different and classy, but still bringing out the love of good rock music that we share. When she says "...kiss the bride," this is what's going to play: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=P-AYAv0IoWI#t=19s And for our reception entrance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XfRjVo5wOE I'm super excited about this. Dave thought we were going to have cheesy love songs. Nope!
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May 4, 2012 20:54
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Camembert posted:Why can't a couple have a conversation, and then decide to get married, without the whole proposal bit? My wife and I did just that. I didn't get her an engagement ring either, we spent the money on a television instead.
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May 4, 2012 21:56
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I always advise couples to buy a ring. Even a simple ring that doesn't cost much can be an important statement. I have a buddy that's a marriage counselor and he tells stories about otherwise happy couples that had long-standing issues over engagement ring disappointment, and they grew into deep resentment over time.
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May 6, 2012 03:18
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Ok goons, I have a question. Because the topic has been going through my head for awhile, when I'm at work I talk to ladies in relationships and ask them what they expect of a engagement ring. Most of them have different opinions on what they want. That doesn't surprise me, for everyone has different takes, but the thing that they all seem to agree on is that it needs to be around 1500 or 2000 dollars minimum. This disheartens me because after talking to my girlfriend of almost 4 years in June I think I have found a ring she will love, especially since she has been adamant about no huge diamond for the centerstone and she loves emeralds.  this ring will be around 350 dollars with a service plan and custom sizing. it's 10k gold with an emerald I think she'd love the ring, but I don't want to feel like a cheapskate. Should I keep looking or drat the worry? Either way I'm planning on going window shopping with a friend of mine to get more of a scope, but this one just seems right. Edit: link was broken, posting a pic and price instead Spiffster fucked around with this message at 04:28 on May 6, 2012 |
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May 6, 2012 04:23
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My engagement ring was about $85. My wedding ring cost about $10. I'm quite happy with both, and would honestly have been pissed if my husband had gone out and dropped a small fortune on a ring. There are girls on both ends of the spectrum, and everywhere in between. What matters is where your fiancée-to-be falls. If you don't want to ask her yourself for whatever reason, get a sister/girl friend of hers to sound her out for you. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with spending several thousand on a ring if it's important to you -- it is meant to be a lifetime investment, after all. But before you do so, make sure that's what she wants. Likewise if you go a less expensive route. Aubergine Despot fucked around with this message at 05:04 on May 6, 2012 |
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May 6, 2012 04:59
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Aubergine Despot posted:There are girls on both ends of the spectrum, and everywhere in between. What matters is where your fiancée-to-be falls. If you don't want to ask her yourself for whatever reason, get a sister/girl friend of hers to sound her out for you. She is more of the type to want me to spend money on good books for her collection then jewelry. Though she does like shiny babels, the bibliophile in her would scream at me if I spent anywhere near that 2000 dollar mark that some girls seem to swoon over. I just wanted some more outside perspective on the matter. Edit: And I have asked her what she wants, this ring falls around what she wants, but she never said anything about price.
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May 6, 2012 05:05
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My fiancee said she'd turn me down if the ring costed more than 1200 or so. Make sure it's okay with her, but don't let "society" (read: exploitative diamond companies) dictate how much an engagement ring should cost.
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May 6, 2012 05:57
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My engagement ring is recrafted from one of my fiance's grandmother's bracelets and cost him nothing, and I still love it. It's got a pretty marquise diamond, but I probably would have loved anything he gave me. I also almost proposed to him, but that's a story in itself. Regarding name changes-I'm debating hyphenating or keeping my last name. My fiance does not want to change his at all and doesn't care what I do with mine. I kinda don't want to change it due to that (if I make a change like hyphenating, I feel he should too) but I'm an academic and my current firstname-lastname are super common. So, do I keep my name on principal or hyphenate to make literature searches easier?
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May 6, 2012 06:11
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What ever happened to three months salary = price of engagement ring? Did they get rid of that?
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May 6, 2012 08:29
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dingledangle posted:What ever happened to three months salary = price of engagement ring? Did they get rid of that? A lot of people still think that. It's a "rule" made up by hmmmmm who could it be oh yes the diamond industry. SURPRISE SURPRISE. Anyway, Spiffster, yeah. If you think she'll like it, and she's generally a financially reasonable person, then she probably would prefer a $350 ring her style than any $1-2k+ ring with a big ol' rock on it.
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May 6, 2012 15:21
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Spiffster posted:Ok goons, I have a question. if you think that's bad, try working at a big law firm. My sister had someone tell her the other day that she's not going to fit in if she gets engaged with a ring that costs less than $20,000. Seeing as her BF is currently not working and has massive student loans, how this is going to happen - ??? But it doesn't matter because SOCIETY SAID SO
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May 6, 2012 15:34
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dingledangle posted:What ever happened to three months salary = price of engagement ring? Did they get rid of that? It's a bad idea.
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May 6, 2012 16:25
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Rootbeer Baron posted:if you think that's bad, try working at a big law firm. My sister had someone tell her the other day that she's not going to fit in if she gets engaged with a ring that costs less than $20,000. I see this frequently with med & law students. Their friends are often doctors and lawyers already making large salaries and there's a personal pressure to fit in with the peer group. Oftentimes the pressure to buy a bigger ring is one the man puts on himself. He's looking for a signaling mechanism to let other men know his fiance is off the market, and to tell them that they couldn't compete if they tried.
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May 6, 2012 16:50
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dingledangle posted:What ever happened to three months salary = price of engagement ring? Did they get rid of that? I would kill my fiance if he paid that much for a ring. I like pretty shiny things, but three month's salary is ridiculous and arbitrary. I can't see what you could possibly buy that's so impressive other than a very, very large rock which would get in the way of me working. I'd rather spend that money on video games or food or spoiling our cat.
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May 6, 2012 16:52
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dingledangle posted:What ever happened to three months salary = price of engagement ring? Did they get rid of that? That would have ended up with me buying a $12k ring, which is completely insane. Short of part time fast food salary, it's not remotely within the realm of sanity. I'm guessing the rule was coined when the ratio of incomes to jewelry prices was way different.
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May 6, 2012 18:08
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Welp, that's what I did. ~3 months salary and I've never regretted it. The ring is absolutely awesome; I felt it was worth it to spend more on something that was really important to me and something that would be on display for decades. Most importantly, she loves it too. I like nice things, she likes nice things and it all worked out nicely in the end. To each his own I guess.
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May 6, 2012 18:24
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