Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Azure_Horizon
Mar 27, 2010

by Reene

bigmcgaffney posted:

Steve Erikson should write the next book, and just write about the ochre... everything in Dorne. Ochre dirt, ochre potsherds, ochre people, ochre masts...

And THEN bring in all the gods and make them characters who then fling around DBZ hadokens everywhere.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

bigmcgaffney
Apr 19, 2009

Azure_Horizon posted:

And THEN bring in all the gods and make them characters who then fling around DBZ hadokens everywhere.

And it turns out that the Seven are actually a group of broken immortal skeletons. Alternately, a pack of giant dogs. Or an ancient creature with seven separate bodies.

Erikson has a lot of seven membered groups.

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back
But it's like symbolism...and stuff. Yeah.

crazypeltast52
May 5, 2010



Prepare yourselves, you are about to witness a wall of text and images unseen in a thousand posts!

whowhatwhere posted:

I've never kept it, feel free to rehost it again.

Oh yeah, any new gems from the bad thread archeology?

Gems? Such as this image of Robert as the Burger King King?



And this?



gently caress thumbnails, this is art you bitches!

Also we have a discussion of whether the GRRM's grimdarkness is edgy or merely altklug:

quote:

I never said that they weren't. In fact, neither does GRRM, and that's precisely what makes it seem so questionable to me: they *revel* in it, like some adolescent power fantasy about pain, suffering and humiliation, but at the same time there's this air of "but of course we don't *condone* this sort of behaviour, it's not like you're supposed to identify with the perpetrators" about it, a sort of "that's just how it is and we're just pointing it out, is all", when it seems pretty obvious that, in fact, they do, on some level, identify with it.

I don't know, I'm certainly not saying that this kind of thing really makes the writers of 40K fluff, or GRRM for that matter, bad people or that they really do fantasize about doing bad things; it just all seems very childish to me. In German we have this beautiful little word "altklug"; it refers to when a child is putting on airs of maturity by talking about something that it really doesn't have any experience or knowledge about, by parroting something that it believes to be the common wisdom about it without any proper understanding of the real substance behind the topic, and this kind of behaviour is considered one of the hallmarks of childishness.

To me there seems to be a similar feel to all of this grimdark stuff in all of the WH fluff and ASoIaF; that's why I used the word "adolescent" to describe it in my earlier post. Grimdarkness, so to speak, is thought of as "cool", but this coolness really on some level comes from some identification with a specific sort of (adolescent, as opposed to adult) cynicism, which on the surface seems to be saying "we know all of this stuff isn't nice, but we're mature enough to realize that that's just the way the world works, it is grim and dark and bleak and the universe doesn't care about human suffering" and so on, but it readily becomes obvious that this is really just an (thus, "altklug") form of putting on airs by the way that the theme is really taken to the extremes and beyond, and therefore, revelled in.

Then we see eery foreshadowing of what is to come regarding Dany and a joke caating as Linda Hunt:

3Romeo on August 22nd, 2008 posted:

"the face that launched a thousand shits"

Also the world saw this blog update:

"The GRRM, not really, just the pre-Bad Thread' posted:

blog update: having severe chest pains, left arm kind of tingly, but struggling through writing. No matter the cost I will finish this Wild Cards book.

And because I won't give you the 40k stuff until the end of the post, here's some Redwall cross-over:

Killroy on September 4th, 2008 posted:

gently caress that faggy space poo poo, lets get some Redwall slashfic in this bitch.


It was the great RedWall feast of Noonsday, and the harvest had been more bountiful this year than most and as such the feast was one to behold. There was clearwater leek soup with fresh cream, buttered potato pie with white wine sauce, mountains of flaky biscuits as far as the mouse eye could see. The Voles brought in fresh salamander salads with crushed walnuts, dried fruits and little bits of dried fish. The second course consisted of ripped flower petals glazed in honeyed sugar and baked until they were so crispy they would crack wide open if you even looked at them. Mushrooms stuffed with pumpkin anuses and melons so ripe they exploded in your mouth. Crispy fruit cakes with hollandaise sauce and berries dripping with fresh cream were served as well.

I haven't seen a feast like this in quite some time thought Martimous the mouse.Odd that the Otters aren't here to enjoy it.

As he dipped his mushroomed biscuit into the terragon gravy an old voice, a voice as old as the Abby itself spoke to him. "The Otters are not here for a reason young one. They traveled North to investigate rumors of zombie Otters known as Otthers."

"Otthers"!, exclaimed Martimous, with flaky biscuit chuncks rolling down the side of his face.

"Otthers?What is this talk of Otthers?" said Flabbamous, the fat mouse fryar. In between bites of ripened cheddar cheese stuffed with rosemary petals he said" Nonsense boy.Childrens stories. Although there was a story about an army of Otthers that fought it's way down from the North and were finally stopped here at Redwall Abbey. Martin the Hero's magic sword was the only thing that could stop them they say. Too bad know one has seen that sword in a hundred years." After this he stuffed his mouth with baked trout stuffed lobster stuffed with tacos.

You must find the Sword of Martin and then strike against the Otthers said the Voice to Martimous.

Martimous pushed away his dried tree petal steaks and said " I will find the Sword and prote.." He was interuppted by a loud crashing noise outside.

Just as he stopped speaking a Tyrell Calvary brigade stormed through the meadow housing RedWall and all its inhabitants. Redwall Abbey was crushed beneath hoof after hoof as the mice and voles who tended it were crushed into a paste and smeared across the gound.Flaky biscuits were ground up with leek soup and the brains of several orphan mice who had just arrived. They Tyrells did not notice since it was a mouse abbey and therefore very very tiny. Not a since Abbey dweller survived and Martimous never completed his quest for the mouse sword because he was torn in two by horses hoof and the Otthers took over the mouse world.

Also Dragonlance if you guys are into that:

Killroy on September 14th, 2008 posted:

Are we done with the crossovers? I've got a pretty sweet Dragonlance one.


Eddard ascended the steps to the royal chamber. He had finally known the truth. "The seed is strong". It had been right in front of his face the entire time, but the truth...the truth was too shocking to believe. He opened the door to the bedchamber.Raistlin sat at the edge of the bed and looked up as he entered.

"Your brother threw Bran from the tower." Eddard said flatly. Raislin replied " He saw me and my twin together. I told Caramon to let him live, we could have scared him into staying silent, he was young and wouldn't know what he saw, that we were only wrestling,:a2m: but he threw him anyway".

"Then you sent an assassin to slit his throat as he layed dying?"

"That was not mine nor Caramon's doing."

"How could you have laid with your twin?"

"We shared a womb for nine months, why not share everything else? As we entered this world he was holding onto my foot. When my twin is inside me...I feel whole. We are one soul in two bodies. As his seed spills inside me I can feel our line growing stronger and stronger.:quagmire:"

The mental image in Eddards head was so grotesque it fell off and then the twins humped on his dead body and George RR Martin made million dollars from this book and spent it on pizza then his tiger ate him and a bunch of people on the internet resorted to insane speculation and self insertion crossover slash fic to ease their suffering before moving on to the Malazan thread.

I hope you guys like Dark Knight cross-over fanfic too:

Captain Controversy on September 14th, 2008 posted:

What an extraordinary feast. drat Tyrion for trying to deny her this. It was a feast worthy of any Lannister, be it her father, uncle Kevan or perhaps a celebration Lann the Clever himself would have conned his way into. But it wasn't. It was her own: a feast in honor of the beloved Queen Mother Cersei. The usual bootlickers and courtiers were present as ever. The Stokeworths and the Fairweathers, some Tarlys and some Whents, even a few Braxes. Curiously, her brother the Imp was nowhere in sight. The guests gorged themselves like a pack of direwolves, secure in their knowledge it was all paid for in Lannister gold. They feasted upon capon drenched in butterscotch, lark's tongues in cowsquirt, oven-baked buns stuffed with smoked pears, chocolate dragon's anus, Dornish anteater snout stuffed with spinach and cream, half robins upon beds of holly seasoned with delightful Braavosi spices, and much more. Cersei could only eat a tiny bit of each course, however, as her heaving bosom was already busting out of her tight bodice. The constant chafing of the Myrish cloth against her nipples reminded her of her late night encounters with the Lady Fairweather. The slender and dark noblewoman's body had awakened a lust in Cersei she had never before considered. In fact, all this wine had her looking forward to...

The usual noises of feasting suddenly gave way to a scream. And another. And another. The crowd of guests started parting and Cersei could see from her seat at the dais that a corpse was lying on the floor, riddled with crossbow bolts. It was a gold cloak she didn't immediately recognize. More disconcertingly, it seemed like a bunch of jesters had perpetrated the foul deed.

"Ladies and gentle-men! We are tonight's... entertainment!" the leader of them said as he moved along the terrified crowd's edges, brandishing his already reloaded crossbow menacingly.

"Does anyone here know Tyrion Lannister? Tyrion Lannister?"

The jester's voice was a shrill, nasal whine. Cersei had not known many men that produced such an unpleasant sound. Meanwhile, the jester kept harassing lords and ladies alike, slapping them on the cheek or tugging locks of hair.

"Little fella! Bout yea high! Likes whores!"
A lone voice rang out from the crowd. "We will not be intimidated by common thugs like you!"

Oh poo poo, not Rosby. The old fucker can barely hold down his lark's tongues without coughing up blood and now he wants to defy a gaggle of armed madmen?

The jester walked up to the old lord. The people around him immediately gave way. An irritated frown seemed to have clouded the jester's formerly enthusiastic face.
"You look like my father." He whipped out a small knife. "I didn't like my father."

"Enough of this!" Cersei yelled. She sat upright and bolted across the room immediately. Surely, gold cloak reinforcements would be here soon and arrest this fool on the spot.

"Oh ho ho, what have we here? You must be Lannister's main squeeze?" the fool said as he pushed Rosby away. The old man tripped and fell on his back. Some servants scrambled to help him up under his cries of having broken something.

As the jester approached, Cersei lifted her chin and tried to stare this filthy commoner down. The paint on his face was applied quite badly and his tattered purple robes smelled like Osney Kettleblack's cock. Someone had cut this jester as well. The sides of his mouth were...

"You wanna know how I got these scars? See, my wife loved the mummer's shows. She always told me to lighten up, get away from the farm and all that work. So one day, I take my wife to the town's fair. Sure enough, there's mummer's. A big fat bunch of them. Doing tricks, juggling, singing, they've even got a singing bear. Turns out, heh, heh, some septon forgot to lock that bear's cage. My wife, she, heh, she loved bears so whaddya expect? Of course she was staring at that bear, completely covered in honey. I just came back from the stand to buy our yearly lark's tongue on a stick when I see a... a crowd. And guess whose wife is... is fornicating with a bear in the middle of Duskendale? She's just riding that thing and... and she looks at me, not stopping for a second, looks me straight in the eye and asks me: 'Why... so... serious?'"

Cersei squinted. "And how... did you get those scars?"

The jester smiled a horrible yellow-toothed smile, which quickly turned into an expression of puzzlement. "I... Huh. Did I...? Look, I just wanted to cut you in the mouth, okay?"

Instinctively, Cersei slapped the harlequin. It just made him lick his lips and make some disgusting smacking noises. "Some fight in ya, I like that in a woman."

"THEN YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME!"

A dark knight Cersei did not recognize had somehow snuck up on them in full black plate armor and delivered a punch that sent the jester staggering.

"Boys, get him!"

The crowd-controlling jesters all made their bid to eliminate this newly arrived dark knight, while the leader took off with Cersei. The Queen, too astonished to really put up a fight, let herself be carried along quite willingly. The fighting had come to a standstill as the jester dangled Cersei off one of the Red Keep's parapets.

"LET HER GO!"

"Awww, very poor choice of words!" the jester said in a childishly disappointed tone. He let Cersei go.

The dark knight jumped right after her, catching the heavy-bosomed queen in her fall. He cradled the blonde bodice-ripper in his iron-clad arms and hyphenation happened. The crash was not as hard as the terrified Cersei had expected, instead more resembling a sound like a bag filled with clothes hitting a mattress. Cersei looked up at her savior's visor, already putting on the charm that had swayed so many men into becoming hers.

"Oh dear sir knight, how can I ever repay you?"
The voice came out an almost indecipherable growl. "YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO!"

With that, the mysterious knight got up and a black steed came charging towards him. Cersei had never noticed it loitering about, but it certainly intimidated her now. With surprising swiftness, the stranger mounted the horse and drove off into the King's Landing darkness. Cersei dusted the dirt off her clothes as Kingsguard swarmed about her.

"Your Grace, are you alright?" Ser Trant asked. She ignored him and walked right back inside. She hoped there were still lemon cakes left.

And hell if I know what this is, but it seems like it captures the spirit of the pre-Bad Thread:

Mr. Bad Guy on September 23rd, 2008 posted:

Heat shimmered off the brick-paved plazas of Meereen. Daenerys Targaryen, Stormborn, Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi of the Dothraki, Slayer of Warlocks, Burner of Harpies, Banisher of Knights, Rightful Queen of the Seven Kindoms Of Westeros And The Rhoynar And The First Men And The Wall And The Iron Isles And King's Landing reclined among a pile of cushions, covered in the lion pelt her Sun-and-Stars Khal Drogo of the Dothraki had given her, before he had taken a wound in battle and been left an empty husk of a man by the Maegi Mirri Maz-Dur before Daenerys had sacrificed her to the flames of his funeral pyre, resulting in the birth of her three dragons, Viseryon, who was named for her brother, the petty and cruel Viserys, who was the rightful king of the Seven Kingdoms, but who was killed by her Sun-And-Stars-And-Moon with a pot of molten gold for the crime of drawing a blade in the holy city of Vaees Dothrak, Rhaegal, who was named for her brother, Prince Raegar who died under mysterious circumstances and also maybe starte the war that got their father killed and also she named her son after him but he died, and Drogon, who was named after her Sun-And-Stars-And-Moon-And-Stallion Drogo.

She lifted a fig cake to her lips. Fig cakes were her favorite. The Lord Commander of her Queensguard, Barriston Selmy, who was the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard under her father, Aerys II, the Mad King, who had been killed in the Usurper's Rebellion, nervously approached her.

"My Queen," he began, "We have remained as long as we dare in Meereen. The Sevon Kingdoms bleed, and the fire of your dragons is needed to cauterize the wound, lest she not be devoured by the Wolves and the Lions and the Krakens and the Fish and the... Towers... and Flayed.. Men. And Roses."

Dany turned her young beautiful intelligent wise honest intimidating purple eyes on her Knight, the one on whom she could depend, who would not betray her for gold or love or blood as the others had, like Ser Jorah, who had betrayed her for the promise of returning home, from where he had fled because he had dishonored himself, but then sold her secrets to the Unserper's child who was now the King, Joffrey, but who had also died so that now his little brother Tommen was king apparently.

"I have made much progress in learning how to be a queen, Ser Barristan Selmy of my Queensguard. Right now though I am distracted by the training of the freedmen who will suppolement my Unsullied Eunuch soldiers who are unrivaled in discipline because of the harsh training they go through as children that results in them feeling no pain and having names like Grey Worm, but they are also unfailingly loyal," she said the last part perhaps too sharply, "I will return to Westeros to be Queen when I am ready, and not before. A while ago I thought I was ready, but it turned out my methods where much too long so I had to split it into two methods and then rewrite the second part so now I am almost ready to be a queen but not yet so stop asking me when we are going back to Westeros I will let you know."

Rhaegal, her green dragon, unless it was the white one, lifted his or her head because dragons are of indeterminate sex and roared, sending yellow and red and black and green fire into the air.

Dani took another bite of her Fig Cake which was her favorite. "Go, Freedmen! Keep up that good training!"

And at the end of this post I'll include the first of the 40k stories for you guys:

Kylaer posted:

At least the rain had stopped.

“Sergeant, the natives have built a bonfire in the clearing behind that ridge, only a few hundred meters away. Could we move over there temporarily, to get dried off?”

Sergeant Casao looked up from his half-assembled lasgun. With the weather being what it was, you couldn't be too careful about maintenance. The trooper who'd addressed him was still wearing his rain poncho, although the garments didn't help much when you were marching through mud and fording shallow rivers.

“Standing orders are not to fraternize with the locals, Josho. You know that. They're savages, they're unpredictable, and command says we're supposed to stay in our own ranks.”

“But sergeant,” Josho wheedled, “they've got one of those big herbivores roasting on the fire. Bet we could trade some glowtubes or something for a nice cut.”

Casao's stomach growled at the thought of fresh food, particularly roasted meat. Since planetfall, they had been living on ration packs, and the idea of something different was extremely tempting. But not tempting enough to break orders; already, one soldier from another platoon in the company had received ten lashes and a salvo of antibiotic injections for sleeping with one of the camp followers that traveled along with the native contingent. Further, being a sergeant, Casao had a standard to uphold.

“No,” he replied, sighing. “I spoke to the lieutenant about local food earlier today. He said the standing orders are that the local plants and animals haven't been properly screened against diseases yet. I mean, look at these people, they're dirt-grubbers, never even heard of the word 'sterile.' According to him, the techs will be running their assessments for another week; at that point, if they say the food's safe, then we can shelve the ration packs for a while.”

The other soldier glumly removed his parka, shook off the clinging water droplets, then spread it on the ground and sat down.

“Ration packs,” he muttered, pulling one out of his backpack. Casao had finished reassembling his lasgun and was quietly reciting a prayer to its spirit; when he was through, he leaned the weapon against a tree and retrieved a ration pack from his own gear. It would settle his hunger, even if it wasn't roasted meat. To be honest, it isn't much of anything, he thought, a private blasphemy against the perfect decision-making of the Munitorium. He peeled the pack open and looked at the bar of compressed nutrient paste; sure, it would keep you going, but after you'd been eating a steady diet of the bars for weeks you craved something, anything, else. He tugged on the string to activate the heating charge and contemplated the little row of four flavor-dust packets; sweetener, salt, hot-spice, and one that tasted vaguely of pickles. It was a ritual for Casao; he tore open the salt and hot-spice and sprinkled them over the ration bar, to somewhat counteract its complete lack of taste. He stashed the sweetener in a side pouch of his backpack, alongside a growing trove of similar packets; when they were given the all-clear to eat local food, he'd have something to trade that wouldn't involve sacrificing a potentially useful bit of his own gear, even one as disposable as a chemical glowtube. The pickle dust he poured out onto the grass; it was horrible stuff, he didn't know of a single soldier who'd ever actually used it more than once.

He took a drink from his canteen – at least there was no need to conserve water, as the surveyors had said that the local sources were safe – and reached for his ration, which by now would be as hot as the little heating charge could make it. As he bit into the soft, slightly gummy bar, he felt a fat raindrop land on his head, the first of another burgeoning downpour.

So much for getting dried off. At least no-one's shooting at us yet. You took comfort in whatever you could, in the Imperial Guard.

_____________________________

The door slammed open, the ornate brass doorhandle bending as it impacted the wall.

"My report, Girrm. Why isn't it finished?" The inquisitor's voice was raised in anger, and his augmetic-enhanced hands were twitching fitfully, as if seeking to take action on their own.

The man seated in the chair in the small office shifted his corpulent bulk and gestured with the wedge of hard-baked, cheese-laden bread in his hand. "Ahh, don't worry, I've got half of it done." He pushed a dataslate across the table with his free hand as he bit into his food.

The inquisitor raised the dataslate and skimmed over its contents. His eyes narrowed; the dataslate shattered as he flung it into the wall over the sitting man's head.

"All that time spent, on this?" he snarled. "You give me information on this 'Westeros' continent, and don't even bother to compile the data on the northernmost reaches? And nothing at all about the rest of the world? Girrm, you know as well as I that there are two prime loci of the Chaos infestation on this world. One of them is northern wasteland, and the other is that lone city nearer the equator. You have wasted your time, and worse, you've wasted mine. I've had the entire Crusade force waiting on you."

Girrm had placidly finished his cheese-bread slice as the inquisitor ranted, and now peered carefully at a scroll lying on his desk. The inquisitor read it upside-down, curious if it might be something worthwhile, but it was only the menu of items that the chefs assigned to the frigate's high-command officer territory kept on hand. "You just can't rush this kind of work," Girrm noted.

The inquisitor's face went blank, a mask hiding his rage. Girrm had come highly recommended; with the death of his previous savant, he had needed a replacement for his retinue, but the choice appeared to have turned out badly. The man's mind could work like a cogitator, when it suited him, but he was entirely undirected; it was all but impossible to get him to work on a specific, desired topic. As Girrm reached for the ship's internal vox connection, most likely to place another order with the kitchen staff, the inquisitor reached his decision.

"Bringing you into the fold was a mistake, Girrm. Now you know too much, and you're worth too little." The needle pistol came up in a blur, driven by his augmetic reflexes; the savant barely had time for an expression of surprise to cross his overly-fleshy face before the volley of hypervelocity needles tore through his head, splattering blood and shreds of brain matter across the wall behind him.

The inquisitor turned on his heel and strode out. "Alert a cleaning team," he ordered coolly to the naval ensign waiting at attention outside the room.

_____________________________

The dragons were airborne in the bright morning light. No longer were they the scrawny creatures that had fed on fish; now they were nearly the size of horses, with wings the length of some small buildings. Drogon, to no great surprise, was still the largest; he had been loosed against a bull that weighed more than he did, and had almost managed to eat the entire charred carcass in a single feeding.

They were magnificent, Daenerys thought, as she had so often before. Another year, or no more than two at the most, and they would be large enough to go to war. Large enough to reclaim the land that had belonged to her ancestors.

Some of her followers had thought that she should begin her opening maneuvers now, while the new omen still hung in the sky. The red comet had lit the world for the return of dragons; the new stars, shining overhead like flecks of metal, visible at dawn and dusk, must mean something as well. But their message was unclear; neither she nor her advisers had been able to draw meaning from the new stars. Several sages had commented on how unusual the stars were, as they seemed fixed in the sky, not rotating through arcs as other celestial bodies did. It was surely a portent...but was it meant for her?

Regardless, she could not start the invasion yet. Her dragons were not ready. Training them was proving to be a difficult task; they were not horses or dogs, to be beaten into submission. They reacted better to her commands than to any other person's, but she could not command all three at once, so she must bring in others. She nodded at Brown Ben Plumm, who the dragons seemed to respect; at the cue, he raised the green pennant on its staff and waved it sharply back and forth.

They have to return on command, she thought. Otherwise, they might destroy their own forces. Thankfully, the three circling dragons deigned to notice the fluttering signal flag this time; each one folded its wings and stooped towards the square where Daenerys, Brown Ben, and an assortment of others stood. Their wings kicked up clouds of dust as they touched down, the weight of the impacts sending shivers through the bricks of the square.

She reached up to stroke Rhaegal under his chin, but the dragon snapped its head away, staring up into the sky. Viserion and Drogon followed his gaze. Their mouths dropped open, flames roaring impotently into the sky -

White light.

---

The primary batteries of the Glaive fell silent. The frigate reached out with auspex scans and astropathic probes, peering into the devastation that it had wrought on the planet below. The gunnery crews had done their job well; the targeted city, a veritable nest of Chaos, had been completely annihilated. No psychic trace of the minions of Ruinous Powers remained.

"Well done, Captain," Lord General Enoch Almsava commented. The precise strike would leave only the wild northlands as a haven of the Great Enemy, and that would be the job for troopers on the ground.

_____________________________

Riding the crest of the wave of charging Imperial armor, tank commander Bummey felt more alive than he had at any point in the Crusade thus far. His company had been deployed to the southwestern region of the continent, far away from any action. But the greenskins had brought the action to them, a chunk of their wrecked space hulk falling squarely down into the great plains of the Reach. This was their territory, perfect tanker territory, and the xenos would soon learn this fact.

The Orks outnumbered them. They had their own ramshackle vehicles, most likely in significant numbers; Ork vehicles, much like the Orks themselves, weren't bothered by something as trivial as a ballistic reentry from orbit. Bummey didn't care. The rumble of the tank at full speed awoke something inside him, filled him with joy. He longed for the thunder of the guns, for the sight of the enemy destroyed by his cleansing fire. This day, he would not be disappointed.

The auspex pinged. Contact. At maximum range, he could not tell if it were an Ork vehicle or the much larger, much more distant section of the fallen hulk. The company leader gave the order to shift from line formation into a paired-wedge shape; Bummey's tank took its place near the tip of the left-hand wedge.

The signals from his auspex grew clearer. It wasn't a vehicle, and it wasn't the space hulk. It was a whole mass of vehicles, a boiling front charging towards them with as much apparent bloodthirst as Bummey felt.

"Hold fire until my order," came the voice of the company commander. The Orks were already firing, their shells falling short in puffs of smoke and sprays of soil. The Ork vehicles ranged from bouncing wheeled trucks, unarmored and filled with Ork footsoldiers, to massive rusty-armored monsters with cannons that a man could have crawled through.

"Load armor-piercing," Bummey ordered. His loader nodded and slotted one of the heavy shells into place; the gunner never took his eyes from his sights. "Targets, we have targets," he said cheerfully, designating primary, secondary, and tertiary marks for his gunner. The turret pivoted slightly and the gun elevated as the first lock-on was made.

"On my mark, purge the xenos from this world," the company commander ordered. "Concerted salvo in three. Two. One. Mark."

The noise of the tank company firing simultaneously shattered the air. It was the best sound in the world. Some of the lighter Ork vehicles vanished completely, blown into shrapnel, while larger ones contained the destruction wrought by the shells within their armored hulls. Bummey gave a whoop of victory as he saw hatches blow out on the battlewagon he had targeted; the enemy vehicle ground to a halt, smoke pouring from every opening.

"Come on, boys, more where that came from!" he shouted, over the noise of explosions outside their tank. Their main gun roared again, this time blowing a heavy top-mounted turret cleanly off, flames shooting out of the crater it left. The driver veered off to the left as an Ork war-bike tore past, launching missiles through the space they had just occupied. Others in the company weren't so fortunate; several of their tanks were badly hit. Some crews died instantaneously; the unlucky ones burned, their screams audible over the vox units. Bummey ground his teeth at the sound, then his gunner drowned it out by firing the main cannon. The shot's angle was poor; it glanced off the Ork vehicle's thick armor, arcing off into the distance. The Ork swung an enormous cannon to point at their tank, and Bummey winced, preparing to meet the Emperor. The cannon fired, creating a wall of smoke that obscured the whole enemy vehicle...and missed. Laughing in relief, Bummey opened his mouth to order a change of course - and with a horrible clang, a missile struck the treads on the left side of the vehicle.

The right-side treads dug in, spinning the tank in a helpless circle, as the Ork battlewagon emerged from the smoke-bank it had created. At this range, even an Ork gunner couldn't miss again, and the turret couldn't swing fast enough. The gunner started reciting the Emperor's Benediction, and the loader joined in after a handful of words. Bummey glanced to the side, where he'd stashed a foil-wrapped treat that he had intended to eat in celebration of victory. Didn't look like that was in the tarot, so to speak. Frantically, he tore it open, retrieving the lemoncake he'd bartered from the locals. They were his favorite. He bit down into the delicious lemoncake, half a second before the Ork shell sent him and his crew to oblivion. There are worse ways to go.

---

Following the swath of churned earth left by the tank company, a combined force of Imperial rough riders and Westerosi knights crested a low, rolling hill, looking down onto the war zone below. The Imperial tanks were giving a good account of themselves, but the Orkish numbers were simply too great. Soon, they would be overwhelmed.

Coming up behind the horsemen rumbled the Chimeras of the Imperial infantry. They stopped on the rise and began dismounting, unpacking tripod-mounted missile launchers, heavy bolters and stubbers, and long-barreled lascannons. "If you can create enough of a distraction for the tanks to retreat back towards our lines, we'll cut the greenskins apart," the infantry colonel said confidently, addressing the commander of the combined cavalry forces. "Can you accomplish that?"

Jaime Lannister nodded. He flexed his augmetic hand and loosened the power blade in its sheath at his side, then hefted his explosive-tipped lance. "Of course we can," he replied, smiling. He turned his horse and faced his men, raising the lance above his head. "You hear that?" he shouted, to reach the ears of all of his soldiers. "One pass, give the tanks a chance to break off, and then return here. And don't get in the line of fire of our own weapons!" The men shouted their acknowledgment, hefting their own weapons.

Jaime turned his horse to face the foe. "Charge!" he shouted. "For Casterly Rock! For the Emperor!"

crazypeltast52
May 5, 2010



Part 2 of this post:

Since you've all been good sports about the poo poo I've thrown at you thus far from the threads of old, the promised 40k cross over fan fic is here:

Kylaer, Beloved of the Emperor posted:

"Now that's a job well done. Or half of one, at least." Captain Solaron straightened from peering through his surveyor's auspex on its spindly brass tripod, nodding with approval. The bridge was a shade over half built, the most recent pylons standing in the middle of the swift-flowing river - the Green Fork, as the locals called it. With nightfall approaching, the piledrivers had fallen silent, and were now receiving their evening blessings. Wisps of incense drifted from dangling censers as the tech-priests moved among the machines, soothing them to sleep and anointing them with their sacred oils.

The machines were preparing to sleep; the human members of the engineering company, on the other hand, were preparing to eat. The two hundred and fifty men under Solaron's command had been performing their jobs well, as the bridge's progress proved. The thousand-odd native auxiliaries were useful too, he had to admit; he wouldn't let them near the construction process, of course, but a few overseers and a bag of silver coins would have them hauling building materials all day without complaint, and that freed up his men for the real work. Not all of the natives were drudge-workers, though; a team of them had had fires burning all day, preparing food for the entire labor force.

"Captain Solaron?" The captain turned away from the river at the sound of his name, wondering who the newcomer was; it wasn't a voice he recognized, certainly not someone from his company. The man wore the fatigues and light armor of a recon trooper, with sergeant stripes on his sleeve, and a dozen more dressed like him stood back at a respectful distance. The sergeant saluted.

Solaron returned the salute, nodding for the soldiers to stand at ease. "Yes, sergeant? What brings a recon team to a construction camp?"

"We've been patrolling for the past twenty days, looking for bandits, recalcitrant natives, and any other troublemakers. And showing the aquila, of course, making sure the locals remember who's in charge, all the usual for a newly-claimed feral world." He gestured behind him; indeed, one of his men carried a banner with the double-headed eagle of the Imperium emblazoned on it, certainly not normal practice for a reconnaissance squad. "Permission to make camp inside your lines for the night, captain?"

"Permission granted. We've already got watches assigned, so your whole team can sleep. There's space for you to set up over there," he gestured at a spot where piles of building material had previously stood before being added to the bridge, "and by the time you've set your tents, there should be food ready."

"Greatly appreciated, captain." The sergeant turned smartly and gestured to his squad in the direction Solaron had indicated. As they marched off, Solaron turned the other direction and made his way through the encampment, around the shelter built for the vox sets and between the neat rows of tents, heading for the dining square.

The sergeant and his team were welcome guests. The engineering company hadn't had a problem with bandits, none would dare to approach the camp's lines of wire and guard towers, but some of the locals had grown belligerent. A week ago, a party of riders with a twin-towers design on their surcoats and shields had ridden up to the gates of the camp and rudely demanded to speak with the "local lord." Orders from on high were to refrain from killing the natives without sufficient reason, and Solaron decided that "They pissed me off" probably wasn't good enough, so he'd met them at the gate.

"This is the land of House Frey," the leader of the band had told him. "House Frey of the Crossing - the only crossing. No bridges besides ours are to span this river. Who are you to violate our laws?"

"I'm Captain Solaron, 8th Rihak Engineers, by the grace of the God-Emperor of Man. Who are you?" He posed the question with contempt dripping from his tone; in the briefings, he'd heard of House Frey, and knew they were a middle-weight local power, but he wouldn't give them the satisfaction of acknowledging that.

The horseman had perhaps realized that he was making a mistake by staying near the camp, and had growled something about needing to inform his lord before riding off hastily. Threats from natives didn't bother the captain; he had patrols on guard and four watchtowers securing the camp, each of which was mounted with a multilaser capable of tearing through any force the natives might send against them. The bridge would be built regardless of what any local said, so that heavy equipment could cross the river without being ferried by air.

Reaching the dining square, an area near the edge of the camp delineated by marking posts and filled with pop-up polymer tables and benches, Solaron found that the evening meal had just begun. Lines of Imperials and natives snaked past the serving tables, the workers collected slabs of bread, wedges of cheese, local vegetables and fruits, and cuts of roasted meat. Each Imperial also received vitamin supplement pills; the natives received none, as they'd obviously lived this long without them. He made his way around the edge of the square, to the officers' table, where he found a plate laden with food already waiting for him. Rank did have its privileges, and one of them was not having to wait in meal lines.

The camp lights clicked on as the sun sank away. Solaron found the meal enjoyable, and was telling the quartermaster lieutenant that he'd done a good job in arranging supply lines from the natives when he was interrupted by a commotion from a nearby table.

"Hey, look at the cogboy," a drunken voice called. Solaron recognized it; it belonged to a supply clerk named Badguy, who had obviously done a little side-dealing with the natives. Alcohol was available in the camp, but tightly rationed; Badguy stood from his seat, waving a skin of local wine, his red face and slurred speech showing that he had managed to circumvent that ration. He pointed his free hand at a tech-priest, sitting further down the table, who was sucking at a bowl of nutrient broth through a thick metal straw built into his augmetic throat. "Poor cogboy, bet you wish you could eat something real. That looks worse'n ration packs." He waved the wineskin in the robed adept's direction, paused, then tried to raise it to his mouth. It refused to move.

The tech-priest had reached out with his shoulder-mounted mechadendrite and seized the wineskin. Badguy cursed and the men surrounding him laughed as a tug-of-war ensued; the clerk was dragged halfway across the table before he finally let go of the skin. Accompanied by whoops of encouragement from the soldiers, the tech-priest poured the entire remainder of the wineskin into his bowl and began drinking, as Badguy finally regained his seat. Solaron was laughing too, although he reminded himself to see how exactly Badguy had gotten the wine; if it had involved trading stolen Imperial property, the clerk would spend the next month or two breaking rocks all day. The engineering company didn't have a commissar assigned to it, so Solaron tended to handle minor punishments himself, by simply assigning the offender to pointlessly-hard labor.

Having finished the wine, the tech-priest stood, tossed the empty skin at Badguy, and bowed with great ceremony, bringing another round of laughter. Tech-priests assigned to the Imperial Guard, Solaron had noticed, tended to be less...uptight, that was a good word, than the average Mechanicus adept. He'd figured it was the result of spending so much time around soldiers, and had mentioned it in one of his infrequent letters to his cousin, who had joined the Cult of the Machine. She had written back to inform him that he was wrong; quite the opposite, tech-priests who weren't sufficiently uptight to begin with were assigned to the Guard, where their skills were needed but their gravitas was disposable. He turned to mention it to his second-in-command, hearing a twanging noise off in the darkness as he moved.

"Those te-" he began, then a scream from behind him sent him spinning. A lieutenant two places down was writhing on the table, with a short wooden shaft protruding from his right shoulderblade.

"Snipers!" someone roared; more of the bolts fell among the men at the tables, wounding and killing. Solaron dropped to the ground and rolled under the table, pulling his vox unit from his belt and snapping out orders.

"Towers 2 and 3, shred the woods to the east, we've got shooters! Mortar team, flares up, give us some light!" The heavy weapons in the towers turned and unleashed their fury, sending sprays of glowing las bolts into the darkness. Moments later, he heard the thump of the mortars, and the night vanished as the illumination flares rose into the sky.

As suddenly as it had come, the rain of bolts ceased. Solaron got to his feet, assessing the scene; at least two dozen of his company were down, most of them yelling in pain, a few with the terrible silence of the dead. The multilasers were still raking the treeline; he ordered them to stop as the recon sergeant came running up.

"Captain! Permission to take my squad and pursue?"

"Denied. Take your squad and join up with our security teams, secure the area around the camp. Do not chase them down. Were any of your men injured?" The sergeant shook his head. "Then it's our affair. We'll settle it our way." And I already know who did it, the captain thought.

Medic teams carried the wounded away; they were more accustomed to dealing with mechanical injuries and construction accidents than combat trauma, but they were still Imperial Guard first and foremost. By the time the recon sergeant returned, with two of his men hauling a groaning figure between them, Solaron knew the tally; four killed outright, two more who had bled to death before their wounds could be fixed. The soldiers threw the groaning man down before the captain; he'd lost his right leg below the knee to the multilaser fire, blood trickling through cracks in the burned flesh. No markings on his clothes, no badge of allegiance, he noted.

He leaned down and grabbed the man by the collar. "What house do you serve? Tell me and I'll let you go," he grated. He already knew the answer, it could be none but Frey, but he would have his answer - and he would have his justification. The man just blinked and groaned again. Solaron balled up his fist and hammered it into the man's leg-stump; he howled, and Solaron repeated his question. Another strike, and finally the man answered, giving the reply he had expected. "You can confirm what he said - House Frey?" he asked his second-in-command, and the man nodded. Solaron jerked his thumb towards the river. "Take him to the end of the bridge...and let him go." The Frey soldier was dragged away, his pleas for mercy unheeded.

"Sir, we have to report this," the recon sergeant said bluntly. "A bomber flight can level the Frey castle straight out, show 'em what it means to attack the Imperium."

"We'll report it. Just not quite yet. It's the 8th Rihak Engineers they attacked, and it's the 8th that will have its revenge. The bombers can finish what's left."

An hour later, the small boat powered itself quietly up to the bridge-castle of the Freys. Solaron and four others crouched inside, surrounding a cargo of heavy blasting charges. The Freys kept only a cursory watch on the river itself, particularly downstream; the boat nosed up to the primary support, and the engineers began placing their charges. The tech-priest, the same one who'd taken Badguy's wine although now sober, murmured prayers of activation as he fitted each charge with a detonator, one designed to be remote-triggered. The team worked with practiced ease; no more than twenty minutes passed from the time the boat arrived until it was headed back downriver. The entire bridge was wired and ready to explode.

Solaron pulled out the detonator and eyed it. He flipped the protective cover away and pressed the activator button.

The explosion was everything he had intended. Solaron hadn't always been a company captain; in his earlier years, he had been the lieutenant in charge of the demolitions section, and he had led by example. The great stone bridge, with its mid-river tower, blew skyward with a cataclysmic roar. The shockwave cracked a tower and sent the upper stories tumbling on the eastern castle, and the western castle partially collapsed as the bridge tore away. Pieces of stone - and a few pieces of what might have been Freys - rained down onto land and water.

Nodding in satisfaction, Solaron muttered "Now for the bombers. They can clean up the dregs."

_____________________________

By the time they passed the fifth dangling corpse, Sergeant Casao began to get the sense that they weren't wanted in the area. His soldiers didn't seem particularly nervous; they were alert, weapons at the ready, but showed no signs of fear. The natives, on the other hand, were scared.

"Ser," a man-at-arms named Wat remarked, leaning in towards Casao. "These raiders, ser, they are not just bandits. They're more. They're worse. They've been raiding around these lands since the War of the Five Kings started; killing Lannisters at first, then Freys, and now anyone."

"They'll die like any other," Casao replied, shrugging. "They were just breaking your king's peace until we arrived. Now they're breaking the God-Emperor's peace; that will not continue."

"They're not 'any other.' They're the Brotherhood." Wat shivered, hand clenching tight around his spear shaft. The natives were untrained with modern weapons - not to mention untrusted with the power a lasgun represented. The man stepped away and resumed his place in the column, head flicking back and forth like an auspex scanner, sweat running down his face despite the chill temperatures.

At the head of the column, trooper Josho held up a clenched fist, the signal to halt. The natives, following the simple orders that had been painstakingly drilled into them, stopped and turned outward, searching for threats on all sides. Casao's squad of guardsmen took their places interspersed in the native ranks while the sergeant hurried forward to see what the point man had found.

Silently, Josho pointed into a tree ahead of them, directly beside the narrow track the column was following. Yet another corpse hung from a low limb. Casao frowned. This one looked different, although exactly how he couldn't tell at this distance. Slinging his lasgun, he raised his binoculars, and the details of the corpse leaped into clarity.

The sergeant, a veteran of three military campaigns, with over a dozen confirmed kills and scars on his body from shrapnel and las burns, flinched away at the sight, dropping the binoculars to the ground. He blinked, trying to clear the image from his eyes, but it hung there like the aftereffect of a brilliant light. The body, not just hanged, but mutilated. He had seen mutilated bodies before, usually the result of artillery, but never one like this. Never one where the flesh had been carved into symbols, those horrible, stomach-churning designs that decorated the corpse ahead.

"You alright, sergeant?" Josho asked, surprised at seeing his superior so discomforted. Of course, he hadn't taken the full impact of the corpse, Casao thought; he wouldn't understand.

"The body...it's foul, the work of...Chaos. Go back and get on the vox, inform Command that we've located a pocket of the dark forces here. And send Zoom up here." Casao held the position, watching for any signs of the foe, until Zoom arrived, the soft hiss of the pilot light on his flamer alerting the sergeant to his approach.

"Orders, sergeant?"

"That body up there, see it? No, don't look too close. It's tainted, Warp filth. We have to burn it. The rest of the column's going to stay here, I don't want to get more people close to it than I have to. That means you, and me to watch your back."

Zoom nodded. "Got it." The tree holding the body was a little under fifty meters away from the head of the column, Casao thought, but now, with knowledge of what kind of evil was lurking in this forest, it was a good forty-five meters further away from the rest of his troops than he wanted to go. Gaze snapping left and right with each step, Casao led the way, lasgun held ready at his shoulder, set on full-auto. With the thick forest around them, visibility off the track was very limited, and Casao had a gut feeling that the forces of the great enemy were lurking somewhere nearby. Despite his hunch, they drew within range of the tree without an attack.

"Burn it good, Zoom," Casao muttered. "And for the love of the Emperor, don't get a good look at it. I nearly lost my lunch."

"And wouldn't that be a pity," Zoom said with false levity. He had obeyed, not looking at the corpse as they approached, but this close it seemed to be radiating some feeling of unease, the feeling of fragments of ice running down their spines. "Alright, cleansing time," he said, raising the flamer.

Everything happened at once. The flamer roared, sending its gout of blazing promethium fuel up at the hanging corpse; over the sound of the flames, with amazing clarity, Casao heard a sound like the tock of a clock; following that, a heartbeat later, came the harsh crackle of las fire.

He spun in place, and saw one of the native auxiliary troops face down, an arrow through the back of his head. Two of his soldiers were firing at the presumed source while the rest, as trained, watched the rest of the perimeter, guarding against a multi-pronged assault; the natives, to Casao's lack of surprise, were mostly cowering behind their shields.

"Cover our tracks!" he shouted to Zoom. The flame trooper triggered his weapon and swept it in an arc, leaving a barrier of flaming undergrowth in its wake. Both men took off, back towards the column. As he neared, he saw another arrow slice out of the undergrowth and into the face of one of his soldiers. The man fell, bonelessly sprawling on the ground. Another trooper fired a grenade launcher, the frag round exploding among the trees.

Then the attack began in earnest. Natives rushed from the trees on both sides of the track, brandishing swords, axes, knives, a whole array of primitive weapons. Casao shot one, a clean hit through the chest; the man staggered, took a few more steps, dropped to his knees, and almost managed to regain his feet before a native auxiliary buried a spearhead in his face.

The attackers showed no fear. Howling and gibbering, they flung themselves at the soldiers of the Imperium. Casao saw auxiliaries falling as he approached; a man came at him with an axe, a wild swing which he checked with the body of his lasgun. The axe bit into the weapon, and for a moment it was caught; Casao twisted, pulling the axe out of the enemy's hand, and tried to shoot him, but the gun's firing mechanism had been destroyed. Cursing, the sergeant spun the weapon, his vicious buttstroke taking the heretic under the chin as he lunged bare-handed, snapping the man's head backward and breaking his spine. Dropping the gun, Casao pulled the chainsword from his belt and ignited the motor, bringing the screaming blade up just in time to lop the head off an enemy spear. He pushed through, slicing the attacker's chest open, blood flying from the chain's teeth.

A wash of heat rolled over him as Zoom blasted a knot of heretics with his flamer. Somewhere behind him, another grenade went off. Casao knew he needed to assess the overall situation, to fill his role as commander of this small detachment, but he didn't have time; another heretic was charging him, a rusted sword held low. This one fought with less madness than the others, although no less fury. Westerosi steel scraped and rasped against whirring chain-teeth as the two traded blows. The man was skilled, but his skill was not matched in the quality of his weapon; Casao closed the distance, swinging at the man's neck, and on this attempted block the heretic's sword sheared cleanly through. His head went rolling, and Casao stepped back, snatching a moment to survey the battle.

The natives are doing better than I expected, he thought. Of the thirty he'd started with, his quick count showed at least twenty still standing. All of his own troops save two were also still fighting, and of those two, he knew that one of them had been the man taken down by an arrow at the beginning of the engagement. Emperor, receive his soul into your keeping.

Josho, with his bayonet mounted on his rifle, was anchoring part of the line of auxiliaries, keeping them in the fight by example. He shot at the foe as they approached and took them with cold steel when they drew near, showing the steady nerves he had developed in the lengthy campaign on Foris Beta. When the dead woman attacked, he didn't seem to notice her state, putting two shots through her chest and then impaling her through the abdomen with the bayonet as she pressed onward. But Casao saw. He saw the dead flesh of her face, saw the terrible wound at her throat, and saw her reach out with a dagger and slash it across Josho's forearm, even as he twisted the blade in her guts. Josho shrieked, letting go of of his weapon to clutch at the arm. Casao knew immediately that it was no mere metal blade the corpse-woman wielded; Josho would not react like that to the pain of a simple laceration. He fell, thrashing and gurgling. Poison. Warp-poison, Casao thought grimly, dashing forward.

The dead woman turned, dagger before her. She was not quick, not skilled; her lunge was clumsy, and Casao took her hand off at the wrist. Her expression never changed. She raised the stump of her arm and shook it at him, droplets of tainted blood flying; he felt some strike his cheek and neck, burning like acid. "Zoom!" he bellowed, sending the dead foe sprawling with a blow to the head with the flat of his chainsword. "Here and now!"

The heat of the flamer-wash felt like an answered prayer. The cone of burning fuel drenched the walking corpse, fire solving what las bolts could not. She tried to rise, but the blessed flames consumed her unholy flesh. For an instant, a half-exposed skull faced straight at Casao, then it slumped, the vile power fleeing.

Around him, the last of the other attackers were being struck down. An auxiliary toppled backwards, felled by a flung axe, but another lunged forward to spear the heretic who had thrown it. A few tried to flee; none made the escape, las bolts searing through their backs. It had been a hard fight, to be sure, but they were victorious.

"God-Emperor of Man, we give thanks to you in this, our moment of triumph," Casao recited, his voice shaky. "We thank you for our defeated foes; we thank you for our lives, preserved that we may continue to serve you; we thank you for the valiant deaths you have given our comrades, for we know that they now stand at your side." It was a traditional prayer of the regiment, always heartfelt, but today especially so, with the horrors of the great enemy fresh in their minds. The other guardsmen echoed the prayer; the natives, stress making them forget their indoctrination, were saying their own prayers, calling on the various aspects of their god. Under the circumstances, he decided against chastising them. He made a head count; nine of them had given their lives for the Emperor in the few minutes the onslaught had lasted. Two of his own were dead, including Josho. Another was badly wounded, from a spear thrust to his unarmored thigh, severing the femoral artery; someone had applied a tourniquet, saving his life, but he needed the attention of the medicae immediately. Virtually everyone had one or more minor wounds.

"Vox operator, tell Command we have engaged a sizable force of Chaos-tainted bandits. Report..." he paused, counting the fallen enemy "...forty-eight of the enemy slain, and give our casualty reports. Tell them we are returning to base, barring counter orders, and need medical evac for our wounded." He glanced around. None of the enemy was carrying a bow. "Did we get that archer? Does anyone have confirmation?"

One of his men and three auxiliaries moved out into the woods, and returned dragging a body. The frag grenade had done its job well, but by chance the man's face had not been damaged. It allowed Casao to see the extra eyes that had grown on the right side of the man's face, on his cheekbone and forehead. No wonder he was such an archer, he thought. He dug the palm-sized pict recorder out of his backpack, which he had set aside before setting off with Zoom to burn the corpse, and snapped some images before ordering the corpse burned; the corpses of their own men would also be burned, but separately from the Chaos filth. He put the recorder back into his pack carefully; Command might want extra proof of the warped nature of the foe, if witnesses were deemed not enough.

"Sergeant, Command says that we are to return along the path, there's a clear space about two kilometers back that's large enough to land a dropship. They'll pull out the wounded and drop in a reinforcement squad in case there's another ambush on the way back." Casao nodded in acknowledgment of the vox operator's statements, then signaled for the column to form up again.

The first few minutes of the return march were tense, as the soldiers expected another attack, but when one failed to appear they grew cautiously optimistic. They were still watchful, every eye alert for signs of another ambush, but none appeared.

What appeared was quite the opposite. The man standing on the track ahead of them made no attempt to hide himself; he waited, planted in the middle of their path, back towards them as if he had no concerns whatsoever. His body was hidden by a heavy cloak, at the top of which the back of a steel helmet could be seen; he was big, that was certain, but nothing else was. The setup screamed "trap" to Casao. Well, he's not one of ours, that's for sure, he thought, surveying the patterns traced - in blood, almost certainly, from the color - on the yellow fabric of the cloak. They were not as mind-bending as the carvings on the hanged corpse, but they were bad enough; looking at them hurt, like trying to stare at a bright light.

Enough of this. Casao went to one knee and sighted Josho's lasgun carefully, aiming between the man's shoulderblades. No armor forged on this planet would stop a las bolt. He squeezed the trigger smoothly and the gun cracked in answer, the dart of energy lancing through the figure's torso.

The man turned. The helmet he wore was worked in the shape of a dog's head, snarling; his face was entirely hidden. Casao repositioned the gun to fire again, and this time the figure reacted, charging straight at him. What Casao had thought was a helmet opened its jaws, exposing a livid maw, ringed with cruel steel teeth. The man - the monster, the daemon, Casao thought, it was a daemon, not a man at all - let out a howl more terrifying than any sound he had ever heard. It was the siren wail of an incoming artillery shell mixed with the screech of clashing chain-blades and the cry of someone grievously injured. A sword appeared in the thing's hand, the steel notched and jagged.

Where Casao found the nerve to meet the daemon's charge, he never knew, but when it arrived he was on his feet, chainsword in his hand. Behind him, screams of panic and the sounds of flight told him that the auxiliaries - hopefully just the auxiliaries, he prayed, not my squad too - had broken and were fleeing. The daemon's blade lashed out - the beast wasn't that much bigger than Casao, but its strength was inhuman, and its blow nearly crashed straight through his block.

Casao backpedaled, frantically countering its strikes. He tried to think of way to beat the enemy, but the daemon was too strong, too skilled; it was all he could manage to keep himself alive. He had a brief hope that he could wear down his foe's sword simply by repetitive blocking, but the daemon's sword was no simple piece of steel, and after a dozen contacts it showed no signs of damage.

The daemon drove him back, into the treeline, then out again onto the trail. He hazarded a look behind him; his soldiers were still there, scrambling out of the combatants' way, each trying to get a clear shot and none of them succeeding. He caught a blur of motion behind him from the corner of his eye but couldn't risk looking. Nor could he risk looking down, and thus he didn't notice the discarded shield until he'd already caught his boot-heel on it and was falling. As he fell, he expected the daemon's sword to spit him to the ground. Instead, something else passed over him going the other way. There was a thud of impact, and motion ceased.

Wat the auxiliary stood beside the fallen sergeant, spear held in both hands, the steel head buried in the daemon's chest. He may not know the Emperor, Casao thought, but the Emperor knows him. Casao would never have an opportunity to congratulate Wat for his bravery; the daemon's sword whipped upward, chopping through the spear shaft, and then it lunged itself forward, jaws gaping, and bit through Wat's head like a ripe fruit.

"Away, sergeant!" It was Zoom's voice. Casao needed no encouragement; he was already rolling, trying to get enough space to regain his feet. The flame blast engulfed the daemon, which screamed again - and flung its sword, with enough force to send Zoom flying backward, tumbling to the ground with another fitful spurt of flame.

Casao was back on his feet before Zoom came to rest. His chainsword came down in an overhead strike with every ounce of strength he could muster, straight onto the daemon's forearm. Foul blood sprayed as the limb was sheared through. It swung at him with its other hand, fingers hooked like claws, but he dodged away.

The krak grenade hit the monster square on the chest. The armor-piercing charge detonated, splattering most of the daemon's torso contents across a dozen square meters. Karter fired another from his launcher as Casao sprinted away. The daemon was down. Not dead; it still stirred, with the awful persistence of its kind, but it wasn't going anywhere. Casao looked at Zoom, loyal Zoom, with the daemon's sword sticking through his chest. The flamer he had carried was undamaged.

Two minutes later, the last traces of the daemonic taint had been successfully purged. Casao stood amid the smoke, breathing raggedly, the aftereffects of the fight hitting him as adrenaline wore off. The members of the native auxiliary who had run were returning.

They had done it. They had cleansed this little portion of the world from the infestation of Chaos. They had paid the price in blood.

The price, Casao knew, was fair.

_____________________________

"Calm yourself, Ray. Remember, this is an assessment, not an arrest. And certainly not a raid."

The soldier raised his gaze from the rifle he was meticulously checking over and looked across the passenger compartment, meeting the inquisitor's eyes. He nodded in acknowledgment, then returned his attention to his weapon.

The inquisitor leaned back in his seat. The dropship wasn't even close to full capacity, carrying only the flight crew, a handful of guards, and a pair of servitor scribes, plus himself and Ray. As he'd said, it wasn't a raid.

Here I am, an agent of His Divine Majesty's Inquisition, conducting job interviews, he thought, laughing quietly. Of course, it was all about the context. Long experience had taught the Imperium that the easiest way to exert initial control over a feral world like this was to keep most of the home-grown power structure intact, simply adding the Imperial layer as the new top of the social pyramid. Then, trickling into the planet's societies from offworld, would come the Ecclesiarchy priests, the educators, the civil engineers, the Mechanicus adepts, and the Imperial Guard recruiters, and within a few generations the world would be as devoted to the God-Emperor as the next. The necessity was to choose local rulers who would make good Imperial vassals, and that was where he entered the picture.

Ever since locals had started bowing to the Imperial armies, he had been flying back and forth, performing his assessments on those who offered their fealty. Some had been so incompetent, or so duplicitous, that he had signed writs for their execution. Most, he judged, would make useful vassals, with the standard precaution of keeping a watchful eye on them. And a bare handful had been truly useful; Stannis Baratheon, one of the claimants to the crown in the war that the Imperium's landing had interrupted, had such a rigid sense of duty that the inquisitor had recommended making him the territorial governor for the Westerosi continent.

The inquisitor had his reservations about the man he was currently flying to meet. By all accounts, he was extremely clever; by those same accounts, he was entirely self-serving. Such individuals were rarely useful in the long term; he had no interest in coming back to this world in a few years to scour out corruption that could have been prevented from the start.

The pitch of the dropship's engines changed as it began its descent. The inquisitor tapped the needle pistol holstered at his waist, assuring himself that it was in its proper place. It was unlikely that he'd need it, but he'd seen too many unlikely things in his life. He noticed that Ray was gripping the fastener toggle of his harness, ready to deploy as soon as the dropship landed, as if they were coming in hot; it was useless to remind him that such things were not always necessary.

The dropship's bay rumbled with the sound of deploying landing struts; a few moments later, the craft settled to the ground. By the time the inquisitor had risen to his feet, Ray was waiting beside the exit ramp, rifle at the ready. The trooper had been part of his retinue since the disaster on Tanskir; his killing instincts were as honed as those of an Astartes warrior, but subtlety was not part of his vocabulary, except as applied to stealth infiltrations. "Sling your weapon, Ray, and do not reach for it unless we are facing imminent hostilities." The soldier's mouth became a thin, hard line, but he obeyed.

The ramp lowered; with Ray at his side, and the scribes trailing behind, the inquisitor strode down. An array of courtiers and local knights awaited them, but not the man he'd been sent to meet. The most ornately-dressed courtier introduced himself and offered to lead them to the lord's solar, where the meeting would be conducted. A calculated move, the inquisitor thought. He's showing that he doesn't fear me, doesn't respect me enough to meet me as I land. He's...playing games. The odds that the end of the day would see a writ of execution being signed were growing by the minute. As their escorts led them through the halls of the castle, the inquisitor wondered idly if it would be worth dealing with the extra commotion to simply shoot the man on the spot. Probably not; if he did, Ray would likely end up killing half the population of the castle.

On the top floor of the castle, as they approached the solar, the inquisitor began to feel uneasy. Something felt wrong; worse, it was something he couldn't identify. He knew the feeling of the psychic disturbances caused by Warp entities, and the strange signatures of xeno minds. This was neither. This was something he had never felt before - and the source, he realized as he approached the door, was inside the solar. Unbidden, his hands began to twitch, and he fought the urge to reach for his pistol.

The pair of armored guards at the solar's doors pulled them open, and the courtier strode through, announcing their presence. The inquisitor spotted his subject - looking just as he had in the briefing picts, a small man dressed in silver and grey - and his eyes slid straight past him, locking on to the other occupant in the room. A girl, in her early teens, with long dark hair and a very solemn expression. Quite attractive, he thought...if you were a pedophile, which he wasn't.

And if you weren't a psyker, which he was.

"My lord inquisitor, welcome to -" Petyr Baelish began.

"Send her away," the inquisitor rasped, concentrating very hard on pronouncing each word correctly. He felt as if his mind was a sheet of parchment that had been crumpled up and thrown away.

Lord Baelish was obviously surprised at the interruption, but he covered it well. "I'm sorry, my lord, is there a problem?"

"Now!"

Realizing that there was no room for debate, Baelish motioned towards the door. "Well, Alayne, the man from the stars must not think our conversation will be suitable for your hearing." The girl stood and curtsied, then headed for the door. She had to pass within arm's length of the inquisitor to leave; his vision blurred and he felt himself sway. An instant later, Ray was at his side, steadying him.

"What is she?" he hissed. "Is she a witch? She's done something to you, I can tell. Shall I take her down?"

"No," the inquisitor replied, slowly. As the girl retreated down the hallway, the sensations faded. "No, she's not a witch." She's exactly the opposite, he thought. The girl was a blank, a psychic null; not only was she not connected to the Warp, but she blocked the connections of others around her. Normal humans might notice nothing unusual in her presence; psykers, on the other hand, were debilitated. They were so rare, the inquisitor had never encountered one before in person, although he knew of them by description.

"Are you well, lord inquisitor?" Baelish asked, obviously watching for any clue as to what had unnerved the other man.

"It was nothing." How true that is. The inquisitor flicked his fingers, dismissing the concern. "Now, let's begin," he continued, motioning towards the table set up in the middle of the solar. He noticed that it was strewn with various dishes, and spotted a tray of lemoncakes. They were his favorite. Was it random chance that they were available, he wondered, or had Baelish done a little background digging of his own?

The interview took several hours, as servants came and went with flagons of water and wine. Ray lurked in the background, eyes never still, as Lord Baelish danced around the verbal traps laid for him by the inquisitor. He may be a primitive, but he's no fool, and he's trained himself well not to show his true thoughts. Of course, the best tarot-playing face in the galaxy didn't help much when you were talking to a psyker who could tell exactly when you were and were not telling the truth. The inquisitor was, admittedly, fairly weak as psykers went, and could not actually read someone else's thoughts, but lie-detecting was another matter entirely, and he could do that without flaw.

At last, the inquisitor had no more questions. He rose from the table and began to walk towards the balcony set on the far side of the room, motioning Baelish to join him. He looped an arm around the shorter man's shoulders and leaned in conspiratorially.

"Lord Baelish, I'm going to let you in on a little piece of wisdom handed down from inquisitor to inquisitor throughout the millennia. It goes like this: 'Keep your friends close...and your enemies dead.'" He felt the man's shoulder muscles tense, although just what he expected to do was a mystery; the inquisitor could have snapped his neck before he could even reach for a weapon, thanks to his augmetic enhancements. "So all that's left is to determine whether you are friend or enemy. You're clever, perhaps even brilliant, but you've been playing the same game your whole life - and now the rules have changed." The inquisitor's eyes narrowed speculatively. "Can you adapt, and work for the good of the Imperium, or are you going to keep working solely for yourself? You could be quite useful, if you kept your priorities straight. And there would be rewards for you...but if you can't be satisfied, if you seek to go beyond your appropriate station, if you seek to scheme against the will of the God-Emperor as you once schemed against the will of your king, then it would be best just to kill you now. Convince me."

"I swear on my life, my lord, you can trust -"

The inquisitor shook his head ever so slightly, silencing Baelish in midsentence. With a faint rattle of chain-links, his Inquisitorial rosette came sliding out of the collar of his robes to dangle in midair between them, chain swaying slack, untouched by any hand. It was a parlor trick, a minor bit of telekinetic manipulation, but against someone unused to psykers it was greatly intimidating. "Lord Baelish, I can tell when you're lying. Every time." The rosette lit, glowing an eerie green; at the same time, the inquisitor reached out, mind-to-mind, finding the sparks of fear in Baelish and fanning them into full panic.

"I'll be loyal," he whispered, eyes wide in terror, all duplicity gone. He had been the master of the Westerosi game...but the Inquisition held all the trumps.

The inquisitor let go of his shoulder and walked a few steps away, leaving him to recompose himself. "Remember this moment of fear, Lord Baelish. Cling to it. Cherish it. It will keep you loyal, and thus keep you safe. If you forget it, and return to your old ways, you will die." Baelish was taking deep, shuddering breaths as he brought himself back under control.

"One more thing," the inquisitor added, turning to face the shorter man again. "I want the girl."

"What?" Baelish said, an entirely different note of shock in his voice, matched by a burst of jealousy running through his mind, so bright that the inquisitor could feel it. "Why do you want her, my lord?"

"Do you know what she is?" She's a blank. She's totally immune to the corruptions of Chaos. She can drive out daemons by her mere presence. Once I can train her, she'll be a potent weapon in the defense of the Imperium, he thought.

"She's my natural daughter." The inquisitor's eyes narrowed. "She's...Sansa Stark, the heir to Winterfell. The daughter of the woman I once loved more than anyone in the world." His voice was brittle.

"I said 'what,' not 'who.' Do you know?"

"My lord, what are you talking about?" His confusion was genuine. He had no idea of the child's ability, much less of its rarity. "What do you want from her?"

"Something different than what you want, Lord Baelish, I will assure you of that. Do not question me further. Tell her to gather any personal items she cares for, and send her to my dropship. Remember, you serve the Emperor now, not yourself. Unless you are having second thoughts," he added, pulling back an outer flap of his robe to expose the handle of his needle pistol as he spoke. Baelish turned away, fists clenched, but made no further reply.

Twenty minutes later, the dropship lifted, having added to the contents of its passenger bay two chests of clothing and one psychic-blank child. The inquisitor found that continued exposure to the nullifying effect lessened its impact on his thought process; it cut him off from the Warp, and still made him highly uncomfortable, but he was no longer disabled. He unfastened his restraints and moved down the bay, taking a new seat opposite the girl, whose face was still terribly solemn. She had not spoken since entering the vessel. He could not feel her emotions - something he had come to rely on, in dealing with most people - but there was sadness in her eyes.

"Sansa?" he said, in as kindly a tone as he could manage. "Welcome aboard. Do you know what is happening?"

"I'm a pawn," she said, her voice tiny, eyes fixed on infinity. "Just a pawn, always a pawn. The only thing that changes is whose pawn I am. Forever." She shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. "I'm sorry, my lord. I don't mean to displease you."

The inquisitor reached for the chain looped around his neck, and pulled his rosette out of his robes. The stylized "I" was slightly smaller than his thumb; the details on the skull embossed on the front were exquisite. He handed it across to Sansa. "Do you know what this is?" She took it, looked carefully, then shook her head. Only on a feral world, he thought. "It's the symbol of the defenders of humankind. The symbol of the Inquisition. Across the stars, we guard against enemies from within and without. It's a symbol that you, I think, will soon be wearing." She looked up sharply, and he continued. "You have an ability, Sansa Stark. An amazing ability. I might search a whole planet and not find someone with power like yours."

"I don't know what you're talking about, my lord. I'm sorry, but I don't have anything special. I don't know how I can help you."

"I promise you, you do. I'll show you."

The dropship arced through the atmosphere, heading back towards the city known as King's Landing. Inside, the inquisitor was giving the first of many lessons on Imperium, its history, and the role of the Inquisition. Sansa was listening intently; she suspected that he, too, was attempting to use her as a pawn, albeit for this strange power he was convinced she possessed rather than the status of her birth, but what he was describing was tantalizing - a future in which she, too, might have true power. The kind of power that could overturn all of Petyr Baelish's painstakingly-laid plans in a single afternoon. Power to stand against evil, like in the songs.

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back
You forgot the first post of the Imperial Annals, HERETIC:

Kylaer, Blessed of the Emperor posted:

I'd rather do a Warhammer 40K crossover. The world of the Ice-and-Fire setting (does it have a name? It's not Westeros, that's just the pseudo-Europe continent) is cursed with the taint of Chaos; what else could cause the unpredictable seasons, the impossibly-long winters? What else, I ask, could raise up the Others, save the Ruinous Powers? The minions of darkness must be cleansed from the world, and the light of the glorious God-Emperor of Man restored to its inhabitants.

Three hundred years ago, Aegon the Conqueror landed on Westeros from Dragonstone, with three dragons and a handful of house soldiers. Today, Lord General Enoch Almsava is landing on Westeros from space, with three full-strength legions of Imperial Guardsmen and a handful of armor detachments. This long-lost world will be returned to the fold of the Imperium.

Kylaer
Aug 4, 2007
I'm SURE walking around in a respirator at all times in an (even more) OPEN BIDENing society is definitely not a recipe for disaster and anyone that's not cool with getting harassed by CHUDs are cave dwellers. I've got good brain!
Given your avatar, crazypeltast, I was wondering what your reaction was going to be when you got to the 40K stuff :ohdear:

Rather than you reposting each individual segment, I have the collected version I can upload in .doc format. Is there a preferred file-upload site these days?

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back
No, no, reposting it like this makes it a conversation piece instead of something to be ignored in a page or two.

Man, the ending for Daenerys is ten times more emotionally moving than all of Daenerys's movements in ADWD.

Asbury
Mar 23, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 6 years!
Hair Elf
I feel so humbled to be a part of the Bad Thread Archaeology. :3:

crazypeltast52
May 5, 2010



It is beautiful! All of it, And I am quite impressed, the 40k stuff on its own is too big to fit into a single post! Also, going between threads I sometimes lose track of who is posting in the present vs. the past, hopefully you guys don't mind me reposting your posts?

The Sansa section was great, it was lovely to see Stannis as givernor of Westeros, plus the lemoncakes and digs at the Diminutive Digit.

IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

whowhatwhere posted:

Man, the ending for Daenerys is ten times more emotionally moving than all of Daenerys's movements in ADWD.

Dany's bowel movements were quite emotional for me in ADWD.

Urdnot Fire
Feb 13, 2012

IRQ posted:

Dany's bowel movements were quite emotional for me in ADWD.

I really didn't give a poo poo about them, myself. Belwas', on the other hand, inspired me.

EatDirt
Nov 13, 2009
The only part of the tv show I enjoy anymore is the Title Screen. Let's make it 56 minutes of that and cut out the Neeps, Nuncles and breastplates.

jsoh
Mar 24, 2007

O Muhammad, I seek your intercession with my Lord for the return of my eyesight
An hour of the camera flying around to every location in the books ever and doing a little clockwork city animation of it would rule.

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames

Urdnot Fire posted:

I really didn't give a poo poo about them, myself. Belwas', on the other hand, inspired me.

It is now my life's goal to poo poo at a city.

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back
Only after you have slain its champion in single combat, or it doesn't count :colbert:

bigmcgaffney
Apr 19, 2009
"smells like Osney Kettleblack's cock" is my new favorite phrase

Urdnot Fire
Feb 13, 2012

Tony Danza Claus posted:

It is now my life's goal to poo poo at a city.

Barring that, I'd settle for projectile puking/making GBS threads at the same time.

Xiahou Dun
Jul 16, 2009

We shall dive down through black abysses... and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory forever.



Tony Danza Claus posted:

It is now my life's goal to poo poo at a city.
Depending on the city, they already did all the work for you : I think it counts if you just look at Newark, Baltimore or Newburgh, for instance.

Eta : Taipei : seriously, gently caress Taipei.

crazypeltast52
May 5, 2010



Xiahou Dun posted:

Depending on the city, they already did all the work for you : I think it counts if you just look at Newark, Baltimore or Newburgh, for instance.

Eta : Taipei : seriously, gently caress Taipei.

Singapore, I need to go back and round out the pissing and vomiting, because Singapore sucks when you don't make upper six figures.

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Sup yall just finished ADWD and had some thoughts I wanted to share:

- Really loved Meereen, hope we get another book or two worth of Slaver's Bay politics. The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

- Favorite new character: Penny. It's nice to see Tyrion have someone with whom to share his dwarf experiences. Plus she seems to really like him! Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

- I'm gonna miss Quentyn Martell. I really thought he had it in him to corral Rhaegal and Viserion, but them's the breaks I guess :smith:. Hope we get to see more of Gerris and Arch when Winds of Winter comes out.

IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

Dany took a poop.

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Sup yall just finished ADWD and had some thoughts I wanted to share:

- Really loved Meereen, hope we get another book or two worth of Slaver's Bay politics. The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

- Favorite new character: Penny. It's nice to see Tyrion have someone with whom to share his dwarf experiences. Plus she seems to really like him! Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

- I'm gonna miss Quentyn Martell. I really thought he had it in him to corral Rhaegal and Viserion, but them's the breaks I guess :smith:. Hope we get to see more of Gerris and Arch when Winds of Winter comes out.

:golfclap:

Ashrik
Feb 9, 2009

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Sup yall just finished ADWD and had some thoughts I wanted to share:

- Really loved Meereen, hope we get another book or two worth of Slaver's Bay politics. The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

- Favorite new character: Penny. It's nice to see Tyrion have someone with whom to share his dwarf experiences. Plus she seems to really like him! Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

- I'm gonna miss Quentyn Martell. I really thought he had it in him to corral Rhaegal and Viserion, but them's the breaks I guess :smith:. Hope we get to see more of Gerris and Arch when Winds of Winter comes out.

What did you think of the masterful prose?

Sophia
Apr 16, 2003

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

- The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

:lol: This is my favorite part.

Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

Urdnot Fire posted:

Please, there are many and more where those come from. It is known.

You will find each time you read these oft-repeated phrases that you like them little and less. But it's ok, because words are wind.

Urdnot Fire
Feb 13, 2012

I'm disappointed he didn't mention food or Jon or even Dany directly at all. Or Tyrion's character development into a sleuth who tirelessly questions everyone where whores go.

Mnemosyne posted:

You will find each time you read these oft-repeated phrases that you like them little and less. But it's ok, because words are wind.
I find my views on them before and after near enough as makes no difference.

rejutka
May 28, 2004

by zen death robot

Urdnot Fire posted:

I'm disappointed he didn't mention food or Jon or even Dany directly at all. Or Tyrion's character development into a sleuth who tirelessly questions everyone where whores go.

I find my views on them before and after near enough as makes no difference.

Said the crow of the raven.

Or the neeps of the nuncle's nippleplate.

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Ashrik posted:

What did you think of the masterful prose?

It gave me quite a hankering for some lamprey pie. Wanna feast with Lord Manderly so bad.

syscall girl
Nov 7, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
Fun Shoe

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Sup yall just finished ADWD and had some thoughts I wanted to share:

- Really loved Meereen, hope we get another book or two worth of Slaver's Bay politics. The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

- Favorite new character: Penny. It's nice to see Tyrion have someone with whom to share his dwarf experiences. Plus she seems to really like him! Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

- I'm gonna miss Quentyn Martell. I really thought he had it in him to corral Rhaegal and Viserion, but them's the breaks I guess :smith:. Hope we get to see more of Gerris and Arch when Winds of Winter comes out.

Quentyn (or as I like to call him, Froggy Q.) is coming back. Count on it.


                              :frogbon:
He'll ride those dragons yet. :smaug: :allears:

whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010

SHINee's back

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

It gave me quite a hankering for some lamprey pie. Wanna feast with Lord Manderly so bad.

I too wanna feast w----with? Oh. Well, I guess feasting with Lord Manderly'd be cool too.

bigmcgaffney
Apr 19, 2009
Tyrion is such a sly mothfucker his POV didn't even reveal to the reader he had solved the Mystery of the Golden Griff until he confronted said Griff.

Junkenstein
Oct 22, 2003

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Sup yall just finished ADWD and had some thoughts I wanted to share:

- Really loved Meereen, hope we get another book or two worth of Slaver's Bay politics. The machinations of Hizdahr and the Yunkishmen are really what's kept the series fresh for me.

- Favorite new character: Penny. It's nice to see Tyrion have someone with whom to share his dwarf experiences. Plus she seems to really like him! Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

- I'm gonna miss Quentyn Martell. I really thought he had it in him to corral Rhaegal and Viserion, but them's the breaks I guess :smith:. Hope we get to see more of Gerris and Arch when Winds of Winter comes out.

I.......just don't know who's serious anymore........

I think I need a break from this thread.

Junkenstein
Oct 22, 2003

bigmcgaffney posted:

Tyrion is such a sly mothfucker his POV didn't even reveal to the reader he had solved the Mystery of the Golden Griff until he confronted said Griff.

This is a good point and kind of goes against the whole notion of having POV chapters in the first place. But then I guess you could say the same thing about about Ned not revealing Jon is Lyanna's son in his first chapter.

Sophia
Apr 16, 2003

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Junkenstein posted:

This is a good point and kind of goes against the whole notion of having POV chapters in the first place. But then I guess you could say the same thing about about Ned not revealing Jon is Lyanna's son in his first chapter.

Eh, if you were inclined you could handwave Ned's away because you usually don't think specifically of facts you've known for years just in case someone suddenly entered your brain and is reading a text version of it.

The only excuse for Tyrion is bad writing.

Junkenstein
Oct 22, 2003

Sophia posted:

Eh, if you were inclined you could handwave Ned's away because you usually don't think specifically of facts you've known for years just in case someone suddenly entered your brain and is reading a text version of it.

The only excuse for Tyrion is bad writing.

Aye, all true.

Urdnot Fire
Feb 13, 2012

With Tyrion it can easily be explained away as him being focused on uncovering where whores go. He left no stone unturned, even asking little kids. The guys up there with Gregor Clegane, P.I.

Sophia
Apr 16, 2003

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Urdnot Fire posted:

With Tyrion it can easily be explained away as him being focused on uncovering where whores go. He left no stone unturned, even asking little kids. The guys up there with Gregor Clegane, P.I.
They should team up with Brienne as the most ineffectual crimesolving bunch since "Nancy Drew and Friends Get Super High And Can't Find Their Keys"

Junkenstein
Oct 22, 2003

Howland Reed will never be a POV because he knows where whores go.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Urdnot Fire
Feb 13, 2012

Sophia posted:

They should team up with Brienne as the most ineffectual crimesolving bunch since "Nancy Drew and Friends Get Super High And Can't Find Their Keys"
I figured she and Ned were already a buddy cop pair that are tight cannons who always play by the rules.

Junkenstein posted:

Howland Reed will never be a POV because he knows where whores go.
It makes perfect sense. Who else is a character Gurm said will never be a POV? Littlefinger :aaaaa:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply