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Waffle Ho posted:Okay, I didn't want to interrupt the Subway n' buttplugs discussion but we have no spoiler thread anymore. I can't be hosed to do a captcha for this thread. I demand instant gratification.
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Jun 28, 2012 23:19
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IRQ posted:I can't be hosed to do a captcha for this thread. I demand instant gratification.  She looks Meera-y to me.
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Jun 28, 2012 23:27
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^^^^^^ edit: ah IRQ posted:I can't be hosed to do a captcha for this thread. I demand instant gratification. Yeah, captcha for viewing a picture? Gratify me as well. I must needs gratification of the instant bent.
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Jun 28, 2012 23:28
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Definitely Meera-ish.
In It For The Tank fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Sep 18, 2014 |
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Jun 28, 2012 23:33
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Too willowy to be a crannogperson. She needs to look thick and hale, like a proper Scottish lass. Or mauled by cheetahs, apparently another fine Scottish woman attribute.
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Jun 28, 2012 23:55
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Too willowy to be a crannogperson. Weren't they described as small and willowy in the books?
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Jun 29, 2012 00:00
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Cut her hair to make her suitably young looking, and she's Meera. I can see it.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:12
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Apparently Sarah Bolger tweeted that she was filming something in Belfast and it got deleted. She's also being speculated for Meera. Also Nathalie Emmanuel Instagramed a pic of a GoT script and made allusions to horseback riding lessons. I'm thinking a recast Jhiqui, but maybe they aged up Missandei.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:18
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Am I wrong, or did they kill off the people needed for the "It is not known gag from ADWD? That was the only worthwhile thing in the entire book.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:26
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Waffle Ho posted:Also Nathalie Emmanuel Instagramed a pic of a GoT script and made allusions to horseback riding lessons. I'm thinking a recast Jhiqui, but maybe they aged up Missandei. Do you know how rare it is to find a girl who genuinely, honest-to-god, absolutely loves it up the arse? (She could be playing Taena "Myrish Swamp" Merryweather) Ambiguatron posted:Am I wrong, or did they kill off the people needed for the "It is not known gag from ADWD? That was the only worthwhile thing in the entire book. Yup, Irri bit the big one and Jhiqui is MIA.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:29
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I figure aging up Missandei works pretty well. She's far too capable and composed for a...what is she, twelve-year-old? fe: 11.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:55
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Missandei is 11?  God drat, GRRM is a weirdo.
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Jun 29, 2012 00:57
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Ambiguatron posted:Missandei is 11? It is known.
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Jun 29, 2012 01:50
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Ambiguatron posted:Missandei is 11? Give GRRM a break, he just doesn't have a sense of scale or time or distance or age of consent laws.
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Jun 29, 2012 01:53
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When he needs a number does he just randomly mash the keyboard? Maybe he gave all the kids weird ages because he has no idea what actual children are like.
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Jun 29, 2012 02:06
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Ambiguatron posted:When he needs a number does he just randomly mash the keyboard? Maybe he gave all the kids weird ages because he has no idea what actual children are like. I am guessing he does know that, but he thinks there is nothing wrong with them kiddies getting hosed. He is a secret(ok, maybe not so secret) pedo.
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Jun 29, 2012 02:29
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IRQ posted:Weren't they described as small and willowy in the books? I could have sworn they were described as kind of squat and toadlike.
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Jun 29, 2012 02:31
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bigmcgaffney posted:If you poo poo off the wall does it freeze on the way down, and if so, would the crystalline shitspray be able to kill a man, like pierce his heart? SAM Sam always knew his calling was a scholarly one – but never did he think the information in a dusty old book could matter so much… to the him, to his Brothers, to all of Westeros. “Dragon Glass”, he muttered to himself. How stupid we all were. A dragon cried out in the distance… startled he hunched down further and scurried even faster to the wall. He must tell the Lord Commander at once. JON John Snow – reborn thanks to the Red God – felt like he was in hell. Since the fire had been breathed into his throat it had scored and burned him. Not in his lungs, but in his Belly. His intestines writhed like the many pronged Weirwood cocks he had seen in his dreams. His anus hurt more than the time he and Robb played “hide the pinecone”. His bowels released for the 20th time since he had woken up this morning. He knew not what magic kept them full, for he had not eaten since his brothers had fed him cold hard steel in the yard below. Yet still it came, brown clumped waves of nightsoil, containing strange nuts and kernals he had surely never seen before, much less eaten. His boots and breeches were stained and splattered, and even Ghost would not come near him for the stench. Yes, surely this is hell, he thought as another cramp wracked his body – a river of filth belching forth from his beaten and torn nether hole. DAENYRS Only when flying had she been this high above the ground. She had heard stories of the wall, but could not believe that she stood upon it. Below her she watched her dragons dive and strike… burning the Others and their pale Wights. Across from her she watched the strange Lord Commander, flopping about uncontrollably in his growing pile of waste. He was not what she expected. She had been surprised to hear they were related – but even more surprised to find they shared the same affliction. Even as she formed the thought, her bowels released yet again, showering her bearers with slimy brown berries. “Daenerys poo poo-Berries” they called her in Lannis Port. Indeed she’d poo poo fire and brimstone from above, her precious children turning Casterly Rock into slag. Her bearers were taken from the many slaves they had captured, and should be honored by her bowel’s blessing. Now if only she could find a way to manage the growing horde that formed on the other side of this forsaken wall. (oval office...) kcroy fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 02:38
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SAM By the time he reached the top of the wall, his hands were frozen near solid around the book. Gilly’s breast milk had frozen on his chin and even the dried semen stains on his pants seemed harder and colder than before. He looked the length of the wall, and could tell everything was coming together as foretold “JON! PRINCESS! I HAVE IT!” he shouted, as he brandished the book above his head. He was barely heard over the din from the battle below. He ran as fast as his fat jelly filled legs would carry him. Jon had pulled himself out of the shitpile and now stood next to Daenyr’s litter – which was slowing moving out of its own pile of filth. The scent was horrible beyond anything he had experienced. Even when he had earned his golden submission ring from the Maestyrs in the OldTown sewers. “We always thought it was ‘Dragon Glass’ he piped… but here, in the original.. it translates more to ‘Dragon’s rear end’!” “Don’t you see – you are both of Targaryen Blood! You both have the Bowels of Fire the prophesy talks about! And we have the Horn!” “Sam – to use the horn would bring down the very wall we depend upon!”, Jon muttered in between the animal like growls his nether hole was making. “Trust me he shouted… you must listen! Point your bowels North – towards the enemy! They both looked at him, but the idea of not sitting in their own poo poo suddenly seemed very appealing. As they turned their battered poo poo-holes over the wall, the very air shimmered, and even the Dragons seemed to sense something was about to happen. BRAN Like a million points of light – he felt it deep in his shriveled penis as the thick weirdwood phalluses stabbed into the Ice Spider, tearing it apart. He has been at it for hours – each root but 1 cock among the millions he controlled – breaking free of the ground and wreaking havoc amongst the Others. Each Wight he stabbed, the roots would spray white pearly sap into their animated corpses, their mouths and insides filling up with to the brim. This far north, the glue like sap would freeze almost instantly and they would be immobilized, trapped forever. Not destroyed perhaps, but in no position to continue their assault against the wall. And later when the time came, he would plant seeds in them all.. a new forest of weirwoods spring up in his future-vision. Suddenly he stopped, his weircock hanging poised above an undead mammoth. Something was happening at the Wall. He quickly shifted his consciousness back to the ravens he had left as spies… kcroy fucked around with this message at 02:43 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 02:38
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Tower of the Hand on Jojen: "Physical Description: He is short and slim with moss-colored eyes." And Meera: "Physical Description: She is short and slim with long brown hair and green eyes."
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Jun 29, 2012 02:39
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SANSA Sansa conversed quietly with the Other to her right. They both rode glorious Ice Spiders – and her Banners – a Cake on a Lemon colored field – stretched as far as she could see. Ahead of her she could see that 2 of the dragons were dead already. They were no match for Other sorcery… sorcery as old as any in this world. Her Wights scaled the giant wall, gloriously pristine at the base, but now covered with a foul brown substance. Perhaps they poured oil down to make it harder to climb? But she could not imagine that much oil even existing in one place. The wind shifted, and suddenly the stench reached her nose. The Other’s babblings made little sense – they spoke of a horrid magic that could unbind them “Dragon rear end” or “Dragon Glass” or something. But soon the last dragon would fall, and there would be no more threat. She called her Eunuch Littlefinger over. “Bring me some nourishment” she commanded and he rushed off to do her bidding. But she would never again taste her beloved lemoncakes. A deep ringing sound shook the ground beneath them. A sound so loud her host covered their undead ears in pain. A sound so piercing, she felt it in her poisened empty womb. A sound so terrifying it could only be the Horn of Joramum. “Those Fool!” she cried… they have sealed their own fate! She could see the wall shiver and shake – flexing like the angry Weirwood Cocks she had seen in her dreams. And then the outer coat of the wall burst outward – a billion fragments of dark glistening death thrown up and out. She tasted filth at the back of her throat. “A poo poo Shard” she thought, as the spirit left her body kcroy fucked around with this message at 02:45 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 02:39
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Zombie Cat Catelyn Stark looked out of the edge of her one remaining eye, and wished she could still cry. Her precious Sansa lie on to the ground – A massive shard of frozen poo poo longer than a spear transfixed her precious smile. Around her the others were dissolving – the magic of the Dragons rear end unbinding the very essence of their being. In front of her the Wights were slowing waking up from their undead slumber . Those who had limbs to move hobbled forward only to be ridden down by the knights of Westeros. Those who lacked limbs to move slowly died again, their black blood seeping down into the poo poo brown snow. Cat wondered at her own fate. She had not been able to move for some time. The Weirwood roots had burst forth from the hard snow beneath their feet and swatted her Wights to piles of bloody debris. One of the roots had pinned her down, while another slid deep into her cold netherholes. The sap had poured out of her rear end, mouth, and neck slit – warm hot and salty… only to freeze moments later as if by magic. The roots had frozen right before the explosion, but now slowly were coming back to life. She watched helplessly as the roots writhed in front of her, like the Weirwood Cocks she had seen in her dreams. She tried again to cry – thinking of all her lost children, all killed for that bastard John Snow. He had taken everything from her. As the root penetrated her eye socket, and flooded what was left of her brain with its white sap, she thought she heard Bran, her darling Bran talking to her, whispering that it would be ok, that they would be together … forever.
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Jun 29, 2012 02:40
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whowhatwhere posted:Tower of the Hand on Jojen: Who what wikipedia redeems my terrible memory!
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Jun 29, 2012 02:48
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whowhatwhere posted:Tower of the Hand on Jojen: Baby, you know you're not supposed to contradict me in front of the kids. They'll get confused and angry and then they'll get shitdick and want to be called George.
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Jun 29, 2012 02:59
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Yes, let's all ignore the canon ending to ASOIAF so that we can jabber on about what characters look like. kcroy endured unimaginable horrors in GRRM's lair to smuggle out the climax of A Dream of Spring and all you care about is how fat Meera is 
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Jun 29, 2012 02:59
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whowhatwhere posted:Yes, let's all ignore the canon ending to ASOIAF so that we can jabber on about what characters look like. kcroy endured unimaginable horrors in GRRM's lair to smuggle out the climax of A Dream of Spring and all you care about is how fat Meera is awkward boner
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Jun 29, 2012 03:02
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The Southern Dandy posted:awkward boner kcroy owes me some new smallclothes
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Jun 29, 2012 03:05
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kcroy is cool and all, but I'd like to point out that Natalie chick is perfect casting for Dany's "bedwarmer". Her fingers are twice as long as mine.
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Jun 29, 2012 03:27
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Does anyone have the GURRM Ohmahgerd Lerhmencakes jpg? I need it for research.
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Jun 29, 2012 03:37
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Medieval Medic posted:This is false. The principle behind crowbars and levers is that the longer, the stronger. Try it out yourself, try to open a door by pushing near the hinges, then try by pushing the knob. The later is much easier to do. That doesn't apply to arms. Crowbars and levers are the, well, levers. On arms, the levers are the tendons, with force applied to them by the muscles. Our tendons insert very close to our joins. This has the effect of giving us greater dexterity and range of motion but significantly reducing our strength potential. The most important characteristics in generating force with a weapon are, in order, technique, weight of the weapon, muscular strength.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:11
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In a slash, however, the tip of the sword would be moving very fast, delivering a great deal of force upon impact. So the longer the arm, the more force, all other things being equal. I don't know if it's enough additional force to be of much use, however. e: I, too, had considered using a bicycle analogy. Blade_of_tyshalle fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 04:16
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Gregor has great strength and wields a greatsword one handed. Since the great sword is six feet long, it'd be about two feet longer, maybe two and a half, than a standard sword. Actually it'd probably be longer since he'd choke down on the hilt. The last foot or so of the sword would move faster along the arc of his swing for the same reason that the outside of a big wheel is moving faster than a point on the inside of the same wheel moving through the same motion. The end of his sword would therefore be going faster and thus hit with more force. He'd probably also be able to apply more force to it when it actually struck, to keep it shearing through whatever he hit, or be able to retrieve it more easily. Or just cut dudes in half. If there were no advantage to a greatsword, no one would use them because they're actually really unwieldy and cumbersome and open you up to attacks by a quick opponent or one who can negate your advantage of reach, either with a polearm or by closing with you. The sword needs its full range of motion, so for an armored opponent, one would try to get in close and keep him from getting a good swing. Problem is that with Gregor that'd be suicide, since he really could just go around punching people to death if he felt like it. Blade_of_tyshalle posted:In a slash, however, the tip of the sword would be moving very fast, delivering a great deal of force upon impact. So the longer the arm, the more force, all other things being equal. I don't know if it's enough additional force to be of much use, however. It is. I've studied medieval swordplay (as in read books about it, I don't have a sword, honest) and letting a guy get in a good swing is the worst thing you can do, you want to get up in his face and try to stab into the joints of his armor. Swords get an unrealistic emphasis, though, even in ASoIaF, since most knights would be riding down dudes on their horses. The primary way a knight did damage was by being a ton or so of horse, man, and steel going fast enough to slam into things, preferably concentrating that energy on the point of a spear. Thulsa Doom fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 04:16
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Kcroy that was ballin' as hell. Thank you for doing what I was not man enough to do, Mutato.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:17
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Ambiguatron posted:Swords get an unrealistic emphasis, though, even in ASoIaF, since most knights would be riding down dudes on their horses. The primary way a knight did damage was by being a ton or so of horse, man, and steel going fast enough to slam into things, preferably concentrating that energy on the point of a spear. Oh, absolutely. Everything I've read points towards the knight as simply a terror weapon. Trained fighters in thick armour barrelling down atop a collosal steed, capable with sword, lance, mace, that's loving terrifying to the peasant man-at-arms. A lot of dudes would just bail rather than fight a walking tank. What was it that did them in? Was it the crossbow or the longbow? Something or other that turned all that fancy plate into so much tissue paper, anyway.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:22
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Oh, absolutely. Everything I've read points towards the knight as simply a terror weapon. Trained fighters in thick armour barrelling down atop a collosal steed, capable with sword, lance, mace, that's loving terrifying to the peasant man-at-arms. A lot of dudes would just bail rather than fight a walking tank. English longbows at the Battle of Agincourt seem to be the most widely accepted tipping point.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:28
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People like to say that Agincourt was the end of the mounted knight as an effect fighting unit, but they were never prevalent enough to have been done in, really. The aristocracy played around with their horsies and fancy armor while the vast bulk of either side was poor dudes with pointy sticks. The crossbow was too cumbersome and expensive a weapon to get much use out of specialized scenarios and the longbow never really spread past England. Even at the peak of "chivalry", cavalry was basically a support force. For all their power and speed, horses are actually really vulnerable to battlefield conditions. They'll be crippled or die if they fall down, they're easy targets, they can't move quickly in mud or bad weather. Human beings are by comparison an excellent all terrain platform. The low weight, versatility, and agility of a human being has never really been matched, which is why you see squads of people on foot defending tanks in hostile environments even today. The main reason that knights were a thing at all is because knighthood was a status symbol- you had to have land and wealth to have a stable of horses for both travel and combat, squires, your own small army of footmen, and so on. The romantic image of the knight riding up to join his lord is silly, what the lord was really interested in was the five hundred guys with pikes marching behind the knight. It was more of a result of historical forces. The society that support knights basically went away, and armor itself became totally obsolete by the time that people noticed they could actually hit poo poo if everybody with a gun fired at once. The last remnants of armor on the battlefield disappeared around the time massed infantry tactics showed up, and no one wore any armor of any kind until the twentieth century. Everyone in medieval armies had to buy their own poo poo, so any one particular weapon innovation didn't matter. England was really the exception, with forcing people to train on the longbow and making sure they had massed blocks of bowmen to use on the battlefield. The bit about the earliest muskets being able to punch through plate armor is a myth- the last plate armor was very well designed, having a number of refinements that made it structurally very strong, as well as metallurgical advancements, but if the other side shoots all your pointy stuck guys, even a large number of knights will be vastly outnumbered. What really made knights disappear was economics. You can't outfit an entire army in armor heavy enough to stop a black powder musket ball, and there's no reason to. Once the guns themselves became relatively cheap and easy to use, there was no point. The other thing is, for the tactics of the day, muskets required no training. If your guys know how to load it and make it go off, you're golden. Bows could fire faster and longbows had more range and better accuracy and probably more power until the eighteenth century at least, but you can't shove a longbow in some random guy's hand and have him start shooting it, it takes physical strength and skill. For hundreds of years, the dominant tactic was pick up the guns, point them all in the same direction, and fire at roughly the same time. The English had everyone else beat with it because their armies were very well drilled. They weren't even especially accurate, but they'd stand in one spot under fire and keep shooting at regular intervals until the other guys fell down, even if they took horrific losses. The aristocracy who made up the officer corps remained mostly on horseback, but in many cases they'd sit on a horse at the back during the fighting and not participate at all. The actual cavalry's role was to ride into the flanks of a block of enemy infantry and break up their formation. If they got caught out in the open, slowed down, or lost the element of relative surprise they were dead. The funny part is that no one recognized this- only a very few canny generals actually thought about what they were doing, the rest bought into the mythology of gentlemanly conduct completely. Anyone willing to break the rules and do sneaky poo poo like deliberately shoot at officers, hide or use camouflage or set up ambushes was at a tremendous advantage. It's important to note, by the way, that the best armies during the period weren't knights, they were either steppe horsemen who had range, speed, and versatility, or they were well outfitted companies of elite, trained mercenary footmen. Swiss armies were devastating against armored knights, because they bothered to train and properly equip their footmen. Thulsa Doom fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Jun 29, 2012 |
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Jun 29, 2012 04:32
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drat y'all making me wanna fire up that Mount'n'Blade somethin' fierce.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:40
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^^what that guy said but pretty much knights stopped existing because the class conditions of Europe changed a whole lot. And also guns.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:44
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How this thread is both so informative and lovely is mind boggling.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:46
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I have a bachelor's degree in this bullshit that I almost never use, so I'm basically itching for an excuse. It enriches my enjoyment of book series like this, though. To me it's doubly tragic that Robb wouldn't just immediately trade Jaime for his sisters because Jaime, no matter how skilled he is in single combat, is still just one guy and not especially important. In fact, it would be tactically advantageous to let him go, because he's a brash idiot and readily susceptible to clever tactics.
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Jun 29, 2012 04:47
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