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Urdnot Fire posted:This is getting more out of hand than the Jaime japes. No one is out of hand, she has another one.
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Jul 6, 2012 00:19
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If I lost a hand I would seriously be torn between a golden (plated) hand and a terminator hand. Would it be possible to have a golden hand that could hold a glass of arbor red, work WASD, and perform the stranger? e: if it was my right hand it would have to be a terminator hand I guess.
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Jul 6, 2012 00:47
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If I lost a hand I'd want a socket system so I could use various implements, such as a spatula, fleshlight, potato peeler and circular saw, and then like a hand and stuff for when I'm not masturbating. Is there, like, a law against having an actual Captain Hook hook? I've never seen one. I always figured they'd be considered a weapon or something.
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Jul 6, 2012 00:55
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Ambiguatron posted:If I lost a hand I'd want a socket system so I could use various implements, such as a spatula, fleshlight, potato peeler and circular saw, and then like a hand and stuff for when I'm not masturbating. Your masturbation technique is masterful. You should have a Vegas show.
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Jul 6, 2012 01:01
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Repeater crossbow and cannon or bust. 
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Jul 6, 2012 02:29
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Ned and Jaime with Light-sabres... Hope it's ok to post this link http://www.gorillamask.net/index.php?show_page=video&page_id=46266
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Jul 6, 2012 02:44
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TNABuffalo posted:Ned and Jaime with Light-sabres... It's an older code, ser, but the incest checks out.
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Jul 6, 2012 03:04
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Everywhere I go on SA, I am reminded of GRRM and the Bad Thread. When I come in here, I find 50 Shades of Grey. You are the absolute fuckers. Someone write a 50 Shits of Westeros crossover. That's what we need.
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Jul 6, 2012 07:27
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I'm sure someone's written a Littlefinger/Sansa fic along the same lines. Alternately, GRRM already did with the Reek chapters.
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Jul 6, 2012 08:01
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whowhatwhere posted:I'm sure someone's written a Littlefinger/Sansa fic along the same lines. I hate you.
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Jul 6, 2012 13:45
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 SENSA Awakening, Sensa leapt from her bed and threw open the window to let in the summery breeze of Emperors Crossing. The sea air ruffled her beautiful strawberry blonde hair and she thought about how her piercing blue eyes must sparkle from the near-tropical sun. She could just make out the port far below, docks full of fine, tall ships full to bursting with exotic goods shipped in from the wide world. Sailors from a dozen lands swarmed over them, their rock-hard, oily chests shining even at a distance. Some day soon, after she and King Jeffrey were married, she would explore those lands and meet its peoples. For now, though, breakfast! She turned on her heel and approached her breakfast table, already heavily laden with treats. There was sweating crystal decanters of fresh pomegranate juice, honeyed rolls that dripped sweetness and silky cheese from the finest midderland cows raised by beautiful young farmers, bronzed and hardened from their honest toil in the fields. Sensa could imagine them now, popping off their tunics and quenching their thirst with long draughts from the well, water spilling down their chiseled chests and gleaming in the early morning sun. Delicately, Sensa grabbed a sausage link, a favorite of her's from back home in Autumnfall. Her mother had warned her that a proper lady never bit a sausage link whole, but rather cut it into pieces. But her mother was nowhere to be found and this was her first day at the court of her betrothed. Surely some indulgence could be forgiven? She grasped the oily shaft in her delicate hand and took a luxurious lick of the juices along its length. It was so good! Just then the door to her room flew open and there stood The Pound, the handsome and roguish knight that acted as King Jeffrey's personal bodyguard. She froze in her sausage licking, startled by his sudden appearance. "My lady," he said bowing his head slightly, but never taking his hungry eyes off of her. The appealing scar on half of his face crinkled slightly, reminding Sensa that this was no ordinary man, but rather a rock-hard specimen of battle. She noticed him fingering his long sword sensually, gaze sweeping her body like the tide runs over the beach. "Though I am hesitant to spoil my view, perhaps my lady would prefer to dress herself?" He said, voice like a wild mustang galloping along the plains. Sensa startled, sausage still hanging in her mouth and looked down. She had forgotten she had slept in the nude last night and had failed to don a robe. Now she understood his lustful gaze. A smile played at her lips. She liked being appreciated this way. The Nine help her, she loved it. thornghost fucked around with this message at 16:28 on Jul 6, 2012 |
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Jul 6, 2012 16:25
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thornghost posted:
 I love this thread.
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Jul 6, 2012 16:29
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I need to get in on this. We're going to make a mint.
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Jul 6, 2012 16:31
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I love you guys. 
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Jul 6, 2012 18:23
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Sensa and the Pound. All of my dreams come true.
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Jul 6, 2012 18:26
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thornghost posted:Sensa startled, sausage still hanging in her mouth and looked down. Brilliant.
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Jul 6, 2012 18:27
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The word in instance would be "started". The physical action of appearing startled is described thus. Not like it matters, but there it is.
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Jul 6, 2012 18:32
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I suppose the Pound's name is "Sender"? I need much and more of this lovely SenSen fic.
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Jul 6, 2012 18:35
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Lovin the Sandaario vibe, thats some literary craftmanship right there. In other news, I have seen a guy without both hands, he has two hookclaw grappling devices so you could probably get a Capt. Hook one. Though I would go with the Link Hookshot/Clawshot instead for ease of travel.
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Jul 6, 2012 20:05
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bigmcgaffney posted:Lovin the Sandaario vibe, thats some literary craftmanship right there. Terminator hand all the way.
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Jul 6, 2012 20:35
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IRQ posted:Terminator hand all the way. Complete with realistic fake skin and bloody dermis you can tear off at parties.
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Jul 6, 2012 21:23
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Here's all the basic info to get started writing Fifty Feasts of Dragons. I don't have time to break this down chapter by chapter, but maybe somebody else can do that and then we can divide up the work into chapters? Remember, this is for house fraus so the sex should be hot, but not gross or too weird. I was in a hurry while writing this, so expect tons of typos. Fifty Feasts of Dragons Characters The Strike Family The Strikes are the lords of the Autumn Lands in the north directly south of the impassable Norhtern Moutains. Their keep is Autumnfall, ancient castle and homestead of the Strikes. The last Strike lord recently died in battle against the Elders, a savage race of wildmen that live in the frozen lands beyond the mountains. Currently the house is run by his widow, Kate, while their young son Brendan grows old enough to take his father's place. Sensa Strike (eldest child ~18) Main female protagonist. Barely legal. Strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, porceline skin. Very beautiful, but she doesn't really know it. Overly cautious mother has kept her secluded much of her life, but is too busy to watch over her at Emperor's Crossing. She becomes very sexually adventurous. Kate Strike Sensa's widowed mother. Total MILF. Blonde hair, blue eyes, very pretty and knows it. She has had a string of secret lovers since the death of her husband, Nathyn. Acting as Prime Minister for the royal Bartholemew famliy while Jeffrey comes to term with being king. Ardi Strike (middle child ~14) Sensa's younger sister. Very precocious and bull headed. Brown hair, green eyes. Basically half Arya, half Katniss Everdeen. She may have some clean romantic adventures during the story. Came to Emperor's Crossing with Kate and Sensa. Brendan Strike (youngest ~13) Young lord of AUtumnfall left in charge while Kate and his sisters are in Emperor's Crossing. Brown hair, lanky. Meets a friendly Elder wizard that teaches him how to warg/skinchange. Secretly in love with Miri Reader, one of his late father's friend's daughters. Strike Family friends Sir Hogor (~mid 20s) Brendan's favorite knight, horribly wounded while trying to protect his father. Now he mentally challenged, but still big, strong and beautiful. Communicates solely by saying "Hogor". Brendan can warg into him and take full control of him, including talking and all physical movements. He uses this power to protect Autumnfall and sex ladies that are out of his league. Miri Reader (~15) Teenage friend of Brendan. Brown hair, brown eyes, lives in a swamp with her weird dad. The Reader family may be part Elder. She's come to Autumnfall to study with the Elder wizard that Brendan is learning from. Styn "Howling" Reader Miri's weird dad that lives in a swamp. Lord of Swamp Castle. People think he's crazy and he probably is. He might be half Elder. The Bartholemew family Jeffrey Bartholemew (~19) King of the Nine Lands. Blonde hair, blue eyes, kind of looks like a young Captain America. Recently named king after the untimely death of his father King Roger on the same raid that killed Nathyn Strike. Betrothed to Sensa before his crowning, he is now first meeting her as she comes to Emperor's Crossing. He is too busy to spend much time with her, though, and it upsets him. Jeffrey requests Kate Strike come to Emperor's Crossing to act as Prime Minister while he gets a handle on things. This has upset his mother. Sarah Bartholemew Blonde haired queen regent, widow of the late King Roger Bartholemew and mother to King Jeffrey. She is upset that Kate Strike has come to act as Prime Minister. For one thing, she organized the betrayal that lead to Roger and Nathyn's deaths in an attempt to secure power for herself. She has plans to kill Jeffrey and take the position of queen herself. She is in league with her brother, James Lincolnshire. James Lincolnshire Beautiful Chief Knight of the kingdom. Uncle to Jeffrey, brother to Sarah. Unlike Ice and Fire, he is not actually Jeffrey's father. Sarah and James get it on regularly, as expected. They are trying to secure power by killing all of the Bartholemew family. James lead the raid that betrayed and killed the King and Nathyn. Only Hogor survived to tell the tale, but only Brendan will be able to access that knowledge, and only when he knows what to look for. Bartholemew Family friends Sir Sender Claygone aka "The Pound" Sender is slightly older than the king, but his closest and best boyhood friend. A loud, roguish type and handsome in a scruffy way. During a battle when they were younger, Sender took a blow meant for Jeffrey, scarring his face. Most women find his scar makes him more attractive. The Synopsis Nathyn Strike and Roger Bartholemew are killed in battle. This is shown in the prologue. The viewer knows their was an ambush by supposed friends, but there is no concrete information as to who was a part of the raid. Both Strike and Bartholemew houses are left in turmoil and the new king Jeffrey sends for Kate and his betrothed Sensa to help restore stability in the capital of Emperors Crossing and strengthen family ties. Kate also brings along Ardi, her younger daughter. This displeases Sarah and James. Kate is soon embroiled in court politics, but takes many lovers on the side, sometimes as political favor, mostly to satiate her womanly needs. Sensa is on her own for the first time and she wastes no time engaging in erotic affairs of her own. Though not as wild and experimental as her mother, she sleeps with both Jeffrey and his friend Sender. Late one night after a tryst with Sender, Sensa discovers a clue that the raid that killed her father was not Elder, but human led. She has no proof and digs further for clues. Meanwhile, in Autumnfall, Brendan learns to warg and has sex with a few of the serving wenches in the castle in Hogor's body. They are suitably impressed, and he uses the experience to gain condfidence in talking to Miri. Back in Emperors Crossing, Sensa realizes that Hogor might know who led the raid, if only there were some way to communicate with him. She lets Ardi in on the secret and Ardi has to travel the perilous journey back to Autumnfall in secrety with only her crush, the young knight Genden. There is some making out here. Ardi learns of Brenden's skill, and gets the info from Hogor. She and Genden hurry back and get the info to Sensa who reveals Sarahs and James's plot. They are punished, lots of sexing everywhere, big success!
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Jul 6, 2012 22:04
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The problem with that outline is that, eroticism aside, that's not a horrific plot. I mean, it's mediocre at best, but it just doesn't make me want to claw my eyes out for having read the outline. It should be more like Dany in ADWD. lots of conflicted relationship meditation, no proactive plot behavior on the part of the protagonists, and rank stupidity that can be rationalised but is so infuriating that the reader feels no inclination to do so. Make the villains really obvious, yet make sure that the characters never even get a hint of what's going on, even after, say, reading a letter in which James and Sarah spill the entire plot.
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Jul 6, 2012 23:32
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Every time I see "the pound" I think of pound puppies but then I feel weird because pound puppies and erotica are not things I would like to associate with each other.
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Jul 7, 2012 00:26
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Not yet anyway.
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Jul 7, 2012 02:32
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Dazerbeams posted:Sensa and the Pound. All of my dreams come true. SenSen shipper spotted.
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Jul 7, 2012 02:33
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Ambiguatron posted:Every time I see "the pound" I think of pound puppies but then I feel weird because pound puppies and erotica are not things I would like to associate with each other. Sensa pounds puppies in the rear end with her fat pink mast.
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Jul 7, 2012 03:08
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Azure_Horizon posted:Sensa pounds puppies in the rear end with her fat pink mast.
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Jul 7, 2012 03:49
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Thornghost, I...am...speechless.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:08
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Azure_Horizon posted:Sensa pounds puppies in the rear end with her fat pink mast. Part of this horrifies me, and part of it intrigues me.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:09
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thornghost posted:Fifty Feasts of Dragons All right folks. Thornghost here has given us the template, you know what to do. NYC Bestseller list here we come! edit: I didn't see this at first because I can't actually read... but... How many users do we have posting in this thread? Enough to write a whole lovely erotic GRRM fanfic that we can sell and make it to the top-sellers? Maybe if we all do about this amount of writing as what Thornghost's excerpt has, we can do it with just like two or three posts each? Maybe? Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at 04:17 on Jul 7, 2012 |
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Jul 7, 2012 04:09
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I will provide the cover art and possibly a map of the land to scale. All in MSPaint of course.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:10
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This fanfiction doesn't look to have any gay sex in it, I'm disappointed.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:11
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Ambiguatron posted:Part of this horrifies me, and part of it intrigues me. At the same time she also has a Myrish swamp, located above her rear end in a top hat, and GRRM invades her that way with his shitdick. GRRM needs to be a character in fifty feasts of dragons
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Jul 7, 2012 04:14
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Ambiguatron posted:This fanfiction doesn't look to have any gay sex in it, I'm disappointed. Then I know what section you'll be writing. 
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Jul 7, 2012 04:16
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Azure_Horizon posted:At the same time she also has a Myrish swamp, located above her rear end in a top hat, and GRRM invades her that way with his shitdick. You think you're shocking me, I know. It will take more than that. I'm sorry. For both of us, I'm sorry.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:16
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Dibs on the "unhelpful critic of other peoples' work while not engaging in any oneself" role.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:21
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Ambiguatron posted:You think you're shocking me, I know. It will take more than that. I'm sorry. Do I need to be much and more graphic?
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Jul 7, 2012 04:23
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Ambiguatron posted:This fanfiction doesn't look to have any gay sex in it, I'm disappointed. Oh it's there, you just have to read between the lines. "Now Sender, come help me pray," said Jeffrey, removing his leather breeches in one fluid motion.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:32
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In It For The Tank posted:removing his leather breeches in one fluid motion. I don't think breeches work that way.
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Jul 7, 2012 04:37
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