UltimoDragonQuest posted:

Distant second.

Mornacale posted:

Wow son, where your dingers at?

BearDrivingTruck posted:

Well, I am prone to over-analyzing and over-exaggerating things in my head. I'll stay in the league.

That said, there have been some injuries on my team. Am I allowed to move players from my feeder teams (is that the right term?) into the roster, or will I just have to tough it out?

The Goog posted:

BearDrivingTruck posted:

Well, I am prone to over-analyzing and over-exaggerating things in my head. I'll stay in the league.

That said, there have been some injuries on my team. Am I allowed to move players from my feeder teams (is that the right term?) into the roster, or will I just have to tough it out?

BearDrivingTruck posted:

Well, I think I was in completely over my head when I decided to enter this league. I have absolutely no idea as to what I'm doing, and my personal life has taken a strange turn.

Cthulhu Dreams posted:

A few things

A) You can mostly relax about injuries, especially pitching injuries. The AI will fill the gap as best it can with the resources available, and it tends to make good decisions, especially with managing pitchers.

B) Given A, the level of personal involvement you need in the league is minimal - aside from the seasonal draft, you can essentially let your team run on autopilot.

C) In the EC you want to win the entire thing, or lose really hard to get better draft picks. Having rotation problems gives you a better shot at a top 3 draft pick, which is gonna be something good - Aging ted williams will probably be the number 2 pick, and Grover Alexander will feature top 5.

Don May posted:

COMANCHEROS CONTINUE ROARING RAMPAGE OF REVENGE, BLANK TED SOX 6-0

Coahuila- The Comancheros may have been awful for the first three months of the season, but now they're back in form...and angry.

The Comancheros kept their hot streak alive today with a 6-0 thrashing of the sinking Ted Sox. Luis Tiant pitched seven scoreless innings, easily powering the Comancheros to a win, while Ted Sox starter Stan Coveleski was let down by his team's defense and offense, and took the loss.

For Warm Sarsaparilla, it was a good day, "You know, I throw the word 'cocksucker' around a lot. And for good reason, because my team has really been nothing more than a bunch of cocksuckers this entire year. But now, I'm almost half proud of these fuckers. Guys are almost good enough to be real me. But that's not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about Star Wars: Episode VII. You know, there's a lot of poo poo in this world, and about 90% of it comes from people not knowing when to let poo poo go. George Lucas couldn't let poo poo go, and so we got three lovely prequels. But then even he had to admit that Star Wars was other. And, after a whole lot of pain and suffering and just god-damned misery, we could put that behind us and try to remember that Star Wars used to be good. And now these Mickey Mouse cocksuckers are going to make another loving Star Wars movie, and it's going to feature the continuing adventures of Luke Skywalker and company. You know, that's loving fantastic. Maybe Chris Pine can be a lovely Luke Skywalker and a lovely Luke Skywalker at the same drat time."

Moose responded to these comments in a measured way, "I respect my opponent, and I think he is a good man, but on the issue of the next Star Wars movie, I happen to fundamentally disagree. What makes America great is the ability of our corporations to extract as much money as they can from intellectual property. Letting a hot property like Star Wars lie fallow in the theaters, maybe forever? I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound American to me. If we can reboot Spider-man twice in a decade, why can't we make more Star Wars movies? If we can make Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern, the we can certainly make Ryan Reynolds Han Solo. I believe that we can do these things, because I know that there is nothing America can't do! USA! USA! USA! USA!" Moose then paused for just a moment.

"Well, America can't save the Ted Sox from relegation, I guess..."

Don May posted:

CTHULHUDREAMS LEARNS ABOUT HUMAN EMOTION AS CULTISTS EDGE MOOGLIES 1-0

Dunwich- The Mooglies may not have gotten the win, but at least they taught CthulhuDreams an important lesson.

Trailing 1-0 in the top of the ninth, the Mooglies were done to their last out. With a man on first, Chipper Jones came up as the potential go-ahead run. But, before he could bat, The Goog interrupted the game to give an impassioned speech, "You see, Cthulhu, these teams, these players, they aren't just numbers and statistics. That's not what baseball is about! That's not even what virtual baseball is about. The Super-League has always been about love, but terrestrial and cosmic. And I love you, Cthulhu, and I love all of the other Superstars owners, because we proved that there can be more to this game that just trying to screw over the other teams. Together, we formed our own little superconsciousness! And because I am so filled with this love, I know that Chipper Jones will feel my love and use it to fuel a game-winning! I love you, Jonesy! Do it for the greater enlightenment of all mankind!"

Jones then hit a weak pop out down the first base line for the final out.

After the game, Cthulhu said he actually was moved by The Goog's speech, "Oh, his speech affected me greatly. Before today, I had never truly hated someone, but now? I hate The Goog. I hate his stupid team, I hate his stupid speeches, I hate the way that his mismanagement has killed the Superstars...Happy Felsch in right field? Yes, let's trust a player whose main accomplishment was throwing games for profit! And you know what they say, that there's a fine line between love at hate, Goog. So I must be just a hair's breadth away from loving more than I anyone I have ever met!"

Don May posted:

JUGGERNAUTS USE POWER OF FOUR FOXXES TO WIN GAME, STILL DOOMED

Juneau- Some one had to win this game.

Neither team, if there is any justice in the world, will survive this season. Both have been given more than their fair chances to succeed in the Super-League, and both have failed utterly.

The team that was most disappointing today turned out to be the Superstars, who lost the game was well as Derek Jeter. It turned out that the four Jimmie Foxxes, with not much else to do on their dying team, have formed some sort of bizarre gang that periodically attacks players they don't like for whatever reason. Today, the Foxxes apparently decided that they didn't care much for Derek Jeter, and some ambushed him after the game, breaking both knees and putting him out for the rest of the season.

Further compounding matters, the Superstars somehow ran out of healthy starters and so were forced to start Jason Motte, which, although it didn't single-handedly cause their defeat, certainly did not help matters. With Motte only being able to give them five innings, they then had to turn to Joaquin Benoit, acquired midseason in a trade, to keep them going. Benoit gave up three runs in less than three innings and essentially ended the Superstars' chances of winning the game.

The Juggernauts, an inspiration to the last, were able to win the game, but hardly looked impressive in the process. The Quad-Foxx defense, ugly in theory, is even worse in practice, especially the right fielder Foxx, who lacks both the range and the arm to play that position. Warren Spahn, the starter, said after the game that, "Playing in front three Jimmie Foxxes in the field makes me want to quit right here and now. Every time a ball gets hit into play, a wave of nausea hits me. I wonder, can the Foxxes make this play, or am I just totally hosed here?"

Neither factorialite nor the Superstars' ownership group was asked for comments after the game as per a new league directive from Commissar Dynamo, asking reporters to 'avoid writing stories about horrible teams that are pathetic failures that I will soon wipe from this universe with but a thought, the reckoning you all call the Gauntlet is soon at hand, and I will see the Juggernauts and Superstars dead. They have betrayed the spirit of my Super-League, and so I will unmake them.'

ForeverBWFC posted:

Daulton in for Ted Simmons this week, then Daulton becomes Cy Young's personal catcher (take two!). Rolen and Olerud back in at 3B and 1B respectively. Snider comes back in at CF, Moseby to DH. Delahanty goes to SS for the week, give Cabrera a much needed week off.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

How do they say "the screenshots are taken well before the update" in Boltonese?

Is 'bloody' used? I bet bloody is used.

The Goog posted:

Philadelphia Failures





Kevin Youkilis can't stay healthy or hit well if he's playing third, and Carl Crawford sucks and got hurt. Some things never change.

Revenant Threshold posted:

Playing for safety at this point, basically. Regretting not taking that Posey for Ivan Rodriguez deal I got offered. Oh well! Posey can go back in now. If we do avoid the Gauntlet, everyone gets honorary knighthoods except him.

mentholmoose posted:

Make Ellsbury DH and bench Ortiz.

Cthulhu Dreams posted:

Superstars owners!

Can one of you with lineup authority to do the following:

B) Move Stan Williams to closer. Move BJ Ryan to short relief. Fire Benoit about a cannon.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Smasher League Week 19 Injury Report
_{The Super-League is now willing to accept ironic appreciation}


Madison Mudholes
Gary Sheffield (RF) (Tried to win Mudholes' 'drink a 30-pack during a game and get the beer for free' challenge...didn't go well.) - 10 days

Don May posted:

BANGERS SURVIVE DERVISHES IN 13-12, 14-INNING GAME

Dubai- The Dervishes were heroic, but the Bangers, as always, were the superior villains.

The Finger-Bangers held a 10-0 lead going into the bottom of the sixth inning of today's game. It should have been over. All the Bangers needed to do was not completely collapse, and the game would be theirs.

But the Dervishes were not willing to concede, as Beet give his team just one directive, "Win." Over the next three innings, the Dervishes were able to call within five. Still, an 11-6 lead is rather secure, and Marauder could not have been particularly worried headed into the bottom of the ninth inning.

Perhaps he should have been.

In a furious comeback, including a two-run RBI triple by Johnny Bench and a costly error by Pop Lloyd, the Dervishes scored five runs, tying the game. But the Bangers were not ready to give up, even having lost their large lead, they still hung on, and managed to retire the side before giving up the walk-off run to the Dervishes, taking the game into extra innings.

Marauder then calmed his troops the only way he knew how, by flogging Terry Mulholland so that the other players would see the price of any further failures. The Bangers, now motivated to avoid the lash, struck first in extra innings, with a Duke Snider sac fly scoring Eric Davis to give them a 12-11 lead. Once again, the Bangers had a chance to end the game.

Those hopes did not last long as Stan Musial reached on an error and scored on an Earl Averill single to one again tie the game, this time at 12. The duel would continue.

By the fourteenth, both sides were exhausted. The Bangers, in particular, seemed completely drained, quickly making the first two outs of the top of the inning. But then Nap Lajoie caught a hold of a Borbon cutter for a double, and Duke Snider once again came through with the RBI, this time on a single to the right-center gap. The Bangers now had their third chance to come away with the win.

This time, the Dervishes, out of miracles, went down easily, with Jose Rijo working an easy 1-2-3 inning to secure the win. A relieved Marauder then spoke briefly to the press, "The Dervishes and the Bangers are on a course set by fate that no man can resist. Not long now, in just a few weeks, we will meet in the first round of the playoffs, one to eliminate the other. Today I proved that, in the moment of crisis, the Dervishes will be found wanting. Look at today's results, Beet, and see your team's doom!"

Don May posted:

UNSPECS DEFEAT UNICORNS IN SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC 12-11

The Dome- The Unicorns and Unspecifieds have spent the entire season jockeying for position in the Sic Transit Vir Division, with the upstart Unspecifieds holding off the stagnant Unicorns through most of the first four months.

With the Unspecifieds holding a 9-6 lead in the top of the ninth, it looked like that wasn't about to change.

The Unicorns, however, despite having spent most of the past three seasons trailing behind the Finger-Bangers, weren't quite ready to fold to the Unspecifieds and mounted a rally, with Wagner getting on base with a triple, followed by three straight singles and then a McCann home run to give the Unicorns a 11-9 lead. Things were looking up for the Unicorns.

But the Unspecifieds were at their home in the dome, and it is very hard to hold onto a slim lead in that environment. The bottom of the ninth, as per tradition, starting with a deafening blast of white noise on the speaker system, designed to disorient the other team. This worked to perfection as Unicorns' closer Takashi Saito seemed out of sorts, giving up one walk and four hits to allow the Unspecifieds to score three runs of their own and walk off with a 12-11 decision, finally giving them a bit more separation over the Unicorns.

Unspecifieds' owner, and fugitive from the International Criminal Court, blackmongoose argued that today's win signaled the beginning of a new age, "For so long, for too long, the Unicorns, those shiftless, shapeless, hopeless sacks of mediocrity that have held up my revolution for too long. Only know do I realize that it is only through killing the Finger-Bangers that we can truly remake this league. And, with today's win, we are one step closer to that goal, to saving you all from a corrupt and decaying society. Soon..."

Don May posted:

JOBA CHAMBERLAIN THROWS THREE-HITTER AGAINST BULLDOGS

Florida City- The gently caress happened here?

Joba Chamberlain has been many things in his career: hot prospect, fly bait, flameout, trampoline enthusiast, but a success has not been one of them.

And yet today he pitched nine innings of three-hit, one-run ball, making the Bulldogs look completely harmless in the process, and ensuring that the Oranges will retain the Intercontinental Championship for another series.

oldskool was disappointed...in the Bulldogs, "Let me tell you all a little story. When oldskool was just a baby owner in his first season in the Super-League, there was this team called the Skyhawks, and they were the greatest team ever. And I dreamed of my Oranges being as good. So, when the Oranges and the Skyhawks met that year in the playoffs, it didn't bother oldskool that the Skyhawks kicked his rear end all over town, because the Skyhawks were just that drat good.

"But then the Skyhawks got retired by the Macho Men, and TKBomber made the Phantom, who oldskool mainly remembers for kicking their sorry asses all over the Dynamo League, and then he tried the Bulldogs before the Phantoms were even dead, and, well, look what has happened to them now. The Bulldogs got beaten by Joba Chamberlain, who has got to be the sorriest piece of crap oldskool has ever put in his rotation, and it wasn't even close. The Joba only allowed three hits. And that's why TKBomber is just another chump who is a going to get relegated while oldskool is still Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiintercontinental Champion of the Super-League!"

kw0134 posted:

Santo goes back to the minors where he belongs. Goose back to LF, Garciaparra to SS, Kent to 3B and the batting order ought look like:

code:

Al Kaline		CF
Tony Gwynn		RF
Jeff Kent		3B
Chick Hafey		CF
Robinson Cano		2B
Goose Goslin		LF
Nomar Garciaparra	SS
Yogi Berra		C 
[Pitcher Slot]		P

Thank you for not sucking Kaline.

Edit: Actually, going to swap Kaline and Garciaparra in the order, please make note.

Mornacale posted:

You've got 4 dudes listed in the OF there.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

kw0134 is trying out a new defensive strategy, four outfielders, no first baseman. It's a bold gambit, and I hope it works out for him.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Oxbridge Mathematicians
Chuck Klein (RF) (Tried black pudding) - 7 days

Revenant Threshold posted:

Beltran in for Klein. That's the streak of non-injuries since Vaughan broken, but a week off isn't terrible.

That said, nothing wrong with a nice black pudding. Of course, I also like haggis, so.

The Goog posted:

Two months of performance in the Expansion Cup does not mean more than the fact that 2011 Jacoby Ellsbury had exactly zero useful offensive seasons on his record, or that David Ortiz is still a near-elite lefthanded hitter. I strongly urge you to think about what you're doing.

ForeverBWFC posted:

One of my players also fell ill a while back for the same reason. Maybe the Yanks don't like a proper Full English?

mentholmoose posted:

Alright, then. You obviously have more experience with BBM than I do, so:

mks5000 posted:

Quick question regarding injuries in the EC. So my Gary Maddox is injured for 35 days. This happens to be 5 days longer than June. I am also aware that sims are done months at a time. Does this mean he will be our for June, as well as July in its entirety? Or will baseball mogul know to squeeze him back into the lineup after his injury is healed.