BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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«‹›1996 »

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The World's Most Joyless LP Continues!

The following contest, scheduled for the best four-out-of-seven games, is for the Dynamo League Championship.

Introducing first, the challenger, from the Forest City, Rockford, Illinois, they are the reigning two-time Vae Victis Division Champions, ladies and gentlmen, your Rockford Losers!

Rockford Municipal Stadium
Rockford, IL

Rockford Municipal Stadium will host Games 1, 2, 6 and 7 of this series.

And their opponents, from the city of Fukuoka, and thrice-blessed by the zaibatsu who grant them their power, they are the five-time Sic Transit Vir Champions, two-time Intercontinental Champions, two-time European Champions, one-time United States Champions, and the Champion of Super-League III. The defending Dynamo League champions, the Fukuoka Finger-Bangers!

Sumitomo Mitsui Group Park
Fukuoka, Japan

Sumitomo Mitsui Group Park will host Games 3, 4, and 5, of this series.

Game 1

Don May posted:

PAIGE DOMINATES AS LOSERS TAKE GAME 1 4-0

Rockford- The last two Losers' seasons have ended with a quick defeat at the hands of the Finger-Bangers. Judging by today's game, they have no interest is seeing that happen again.

Satchel Paige pitched a complete-game shutout, striking out twelve, as the Finger-Bangers seemed completely unprepared to deal with a pitcher of Paige's caliber. Orel Hershiser, replacing Nolan Ryan in the Bangers' rotation, was not bad, but he was simply not outstanding enough to prevent Paige from picking up the win.

Asked about his performance, Paige responded, "I'll tell the Bangers what I tell everyone else, 'Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you...' Well, Bangers, that something's us, and we're coming to get you. This is only the beginning."

Lord Mayor Humungus, fresh off of his victory in the Council Wars in Rockford, that ended when the Mayor defeated Comptroller Whitman in a battle to the death in the city's famed "Blood Arena", was similarly confident of his team's ability to finally defeat the Bangers, "Marauder! For two seasons, you have defied my will. Were I different man, perhaps I could commend you for such an incredible effort in the face of my dominating roster, but I am not that man. I find your continued resistance to be nothing less than a direct insult to my greatness, and a threat to my leadership, Marauder. If you can stand up to me, then others will learn the wrong lesson, that they can oppose me and live to tell about it. When I crush you and your team, Marauder, I do so for the people, they must learn that when they confront myself and my Losers, that doom is the only possible outcome. You will teach them that, Marauder, you and your team."

Humungus' rhetoric did not resonate with Marauder, though, "Losing one game is hardly a calamity, and the Losers did have the advantage of an easier first-round draw that gave them a few days to rest their men that we did not have. No, this game, in and of itself, means absolutely nothing, that Satchel Paige, one of the greatest pitchers of all time, was able to handle us so easily is not the best of all possible outcomes, but they cannot use Paige every day. No, we will feast on the soft underbelly of their rotation, and feast well..."

Game 2 will take place in Rockford. Smokey Joe Williams will try to even the series for the Bangers as Don Drysdale will try and give the Losers a 2-0 series lead.

Box Score

Game 2

Don May posted:

BANGERS STRIKE BACK, EVEN SERIES WITH 9-3 WIN

Rockford- The Bangers are not a team that is easily dismissed.

With a 9-3 win, the Finger-Bangers have stormed back to tie the series at one game a piece and gained home-field advantage from the Losers, with the series now heading to Fukuoka for three games.

The troubles for the Losers began in the sixth inning, as the Bangers were finally able to start a bit of a rally against Don Drysdale. Humungus, always known for having a quick hook when it came to his starters, turned to his bullpen. This proved unwise as the Bangers scored all nine of their runs over the last four innings of the game.

Humungus, angered that his minions had let an opportunity to take a deathgrip on this series slip through their grasp, promised that this was only a minor setback in his plans. "Marauder! You may have won this day, but I promise you, this will be the last joy you feel this season. I have grown weary of our contests Marauder, your time has passed, my time must now begin. A new era, where the Losers reign, and all other teams fall in line behind our greatness. We must move forward, Marauder. The time when you could hold this Dynamo League as your personal fiefdom must end! You have done enough damage already. Accept the changing of the guard with grace, and I will let your team live out its dotage in peace. Resist me any further, and your future will look much grimmer, Marauder. Surrender now, for your own sake."

Astoundingly, Marauder did not seem interested in surrender, "Humungus speaks of a 'new era', does he? The impudence of youth can lead a man astray so easily. Regardless, this series is now back in my control. Yes, we will prevail, and then I can finally gain my revenge on that drunkard Mark Grace."

But not all of the news was good for the Bangers. Ted Williams, who has been playing right field with Barry Bonds moving back to left, has proven to be little short of a disaster at the position, giving up three triples today as his poor range couple with his even poorer throwing arm made it easy for runners to stretch doubles in triples. Williams responded to complaints about his fielding by explaining that, "I'm a loving hitter. gently caress defense, gently caress fielding, I'm not getting paid to make a diving catch or anything like that. That's for the Brett Gardners of the world, not me."

Game 3 will take place in two days' time in Fukuoka. Tom Seaver will try and regain the Losers' lost momentum as Addie Joss tries to give the Bangers a 2-1 series lead.

Box Score

Game 3

Don May posted:

LOSERS TAKE 2-1 SERIES WITH 8-5 WIN

Fukuoka- The Losers are not willing to concede anything to the Finger-Bangers.

Even with Addie Joss, the most reliable pitcher the Bangers have, on the mound, Marauder's club still fell flat, as the Losers were able to win a key Game 3 in Fukuoka.

In truth, it was not really Joss's fault. Joss was not particularly sharp in today's game, but, when he left the game, in the top of the seventh inning, the game was still tied 4-4. Marauder, having pinch-hit for Joss the previous inning, put in his older version of Rollie Fingers, hoping that his team's namesake could keep the game close until his offense to swoop in and save the day.

Instead, Fingers gave up four runs in one-third of an inning, including a towering three-run shot to Miguel Tejada, and the Losers rolled on to victory.

Marauder was then inspired to discuss his love/hate relationship with Rollie Fingers, "Without Rollie Fingers, then my teams' name becomes nothing more than cheap innuendo. With him, that innuendo is almost clever. But, even without that, I could not quit Rollie Fingers. We have been through too much, seen too much together, for me to leave him. And though he hurts me, deeply, so very often, to the point where it has become something of a running joke, I could never leave him for good. Our love is too strong. I am his forever, and he is mine. Our destinies will run alongside each other until one of us kills the other. I love you Roland, and I hate you more than anyone I have ever met in my life."

Game 4 will take place tomorrow, still in Fukuoka. Nolan Ryan will start for the Losers as Curt Schilling will take the mound for the Bangers.

Box Score

Game 4

Don May posted:

LOSERS MOVE TO BRINK OF FINALS WITH 6-2 WIN

Fukuoka- Things are getting darker for the Finger-Bangers, and quickly.

With today's 6-2 win, the Losers moved within one game of the Super-League Finals, while the Bangers, losers of three of the first four games of this series, will now have to win three games straight, including two in Rockford, if they hope to reach their third straight Super-League Finals.

The Losers relied on Nolan Ryan to give them a complete game win, much to the chagrin of Maruader, who oculd not get his own Nolan Ryan to perform acceptably in the playoffs. "This, this is a catastrophe. My own Ryan proves to be little more than a ticking time bomb while theirs easily dispatches even my juggernauts of an offense. I have seen many grim spectacles in my time in the Super-League, but this may be the one that cuts me deepest. Were I Pangloss, I would say that where there is life, there is still hope, but I'm not quite as sanguine as to think there's an El Dorado at the end of my journey...What? Confused by what? It's a reference to Candide by Voltaire, which featured the character of Pangloss. What do you mean you've never read it? My god, the illiteracy of the common man never ceases to disgust me."

Humungus was already thinking about the future of his team, "People of the Super-League, I have decided that as much as I would like to face the Macho Men in a final battle, it is not yet time to relinquish my place in this league. I am building a new era and, I must remain in the Super-League to safeguard this new era, and prevent any rear-guard action by counter-revolutionaries. Marauder, I will not let you undo what I am now doing to your team. Therefore, the Losers will not take up the Commissar's Cup Challenge should we win the Super-League Championship.

Game 5 will take place in Fukuoka. The Finger-Bangers will try to stave off elimination behind Orel "The Excellence of Execution" Hershiser. Satchel Paige of the Losers will try and end this series once and for all.

Box Score

Game 5

Don May posted:

BANGERS SEND SERIES BACK TO ROCKFORD WITH 8-7 WIN

Fukuoka- With victory essential, and their backs against the wall, the Finger-Bangers put everything they had into staying alive just one more day, and they did.

Satchel Paige could not build on his great Game 1 performance, giving up five runs in five innings, as the Finger-Bangers did just enough to win.

Marauder, exhausted, seemed pessimistic on the chances of his team being able to repeat that performance, though, "My men are tired, broken, the series with the Dervishes took more out of us than I would have cared to admit, but the effects are undeniable. It has been a long season of upheaval, and I am willing to admit that my team is at its breaking point. If I had a full season to integrate all of these players...well, it might have been different. But I did not, and we are simply not the team we have been in the past or in the future. We are not who we need to be.

"That said, I do have a warning for Humungus. He talks about a new era, a new age, where his team will reign supreme, and with his recent choice to decline the Commissar's Challenge, things are becoming clear to me. If the Losers defeat us in this series, and I'll admit to a strong possibility of that happening, then won't he be no better than I? Just a man doing whatever it takes to conquer the Super-League and keep it under his control for as long as possible? Is that really such a new age? I don't think so."

Game 6 will take place in Rockford. The Losers will once again try and end this series behind Don Drysdale, as the Bangers will call on Smokey Joe Williams to force a Game 7.

Box Score

Game 6

Don May posted:

LOSERS ADVANCE TO SUPER-LEAGUE FINALS ON 6-3 WIN

Rockford- For the first six seasons of the Super-League, the Dynamo League Champion was one of only two franchises: The Boston Skyhawks and the Fukuoka Finger-Bangers. Finally, in the seventh Super-League, someone new will be representing the Dynamo League in the Super-League Finals.

A brief statement from Marauder was read by a flaming Rollie Fingers, who had apparently by set on fire by Marauder in a fit of frustration, "Dear people of the Super-League, boy, this is really warm, uh...the Finger-Bangers will be back...OH MY GOD, I'M ON FIRE! SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M BURNING ALIVE! GAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!"

"Mark Grace, you will be next," Announced Lord Mayor Humungus, not even taking a moment to enjoy his current victory, "I have not come this far to be beaten by another archaic franchise that has overstayed its welcome. I will break you and your team, and the Super-League will finally be mine. As it always should have been. It is time for the Losers to show just how our ironic our name truly is. The time has come..."

The Losers will now face the Smasher League Champion Chicago Bobbleheads in the Super-League Finals. The DH will not be used in this best-of-seven series.

Box Score

Pick 'em: The Truth isn't out there
Pick winner, number of games (best of seven) and final score
Chicago Bobbleheads vs. Rockford Losers

# ? Nov 29, 2012 01:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 22:18

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Losers in 7, 1-0

# ? Nov 29, 2012 02:05

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Losers in 5, 9-3. So says random.org.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 03:04

ToiletofSadness: Mar 27, 2010

Third time was finally the charm! The bullpen was absolutely awful in this series (which bothers me given the Bobbleheads probably have the league's best), but my hitters burned through the Bangers pitchers well enough.

Marauder: I tip my cap to you. You've proven to be a hell of an opponent these last 3 seasons. I quite expect we'll be meeting again in this place come next season. I understand why you've held control of the Dynamo League in these seasons since the Skyhawks retired; that offense is relentless.

And now a letter from the Mayor of Rockford, the High Chief of the Rock River Valley, the Protectorate of Winnebago, Boone, and McHenry County, and the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-ah, Lord Humungus:

quote:

blakelmanakle:

I've faced the best that the Dynamo League has to offer and beaten them all. They've all tried to take down my team and failed. They've been obstacles in the way of what matters most--that Super-League Championship. Just like you and your team. You're just another obstacle.

There's nothing I've been looking forward to more than this moment. Finally, someone outside the old guard has a chance to win the Super-League Championship. And I will not let this opportunity to fall through my grasp. Just like every other moment this season, my team will rise to the occasion and destroy the obstacle set in front of them. The Florida Oranges and the rest of the Vae Victis? Beat them by over 20 wins and sent them all into the gauntlet from which they will never return. The Burma Imperialists? Never posed a threat and swept them easily. The Finger-Bangers? An inevitability.

So, just like the rest, your team too will fall at my hands. It doesn't matter that I've never been here before and your team is the defending champs. It doesn't matter how many records you set this season. All that matters is that my team is going to win.

Unlike last year's Dynamo League champions, I have no intention of going down so easily. This year's league finals will be a war. A glorious, bloody war. And my team savors nothing more than battle.

So when the smoke clears and the dust settles, my team will be hoisting up the title while your date with dissolution will have to wait another season.

Smasher: Can we retro-actively make my team's entrance theme "War Machine" by Kiss? A song with that much synth seems entirely unfitting for a team led by blood-thirsty warlord. Secondly, are there any travel/off days before the start of the finals or am I locked into Seaver-Ryan-Paige-Drysdale? Finally, I'll get lineups for the finals series figured out and posted later tonight.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 03:06

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Hey, I got the DLCS exactly right, winner, games, and score. Neat!

For the finals: Losers in 7, 5-4 final.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 03:10

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

ToiletofSadness posted:

Smasher: Can we retro-actively make my team's entrance theme "War Machine" by Kiss? A song with that much synth seems entirely unfitting for a team led by blood-thirsty warlord. Secondly, are there any travel/off days before the start of the finals or am I locked into Seaver-Ryan-Paige-Drysdale? Finally, I'll get lineups for the finals series figured out and posted later tonight.

You have, in terms of resting your pitchers, infinity days off, so, arrange them how you'd like. I will give a free piece of advice, though. Most of the Bobbleheads' hitters (Grace, Ruth, Hamilton, and Gehringer) are left-handed. I'm not saying you have to start Koosman, but it's something I'd consider.

As for your proposed theme, I'm not sure, post-apocalyptic wasteland seems to lend itself more to synth that pop-rock.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 03:23

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

Losers in 6, 2-1

# ? Nov 29, 2012 03:32

UltimoDragonQuest: Oct 5, 2011

Losers in 6, 5-4

# ? Nov 29, 2012 04:47

blakelmenakle: Sep 1, 2007; AHEM! There's sand on my boots!

Championship Roster

Line-up
1.) SS: Derek Jeter '06
2.) 1B: Mark Grace
3.) RF: Babe Ruth
4.) CF: Josh Hamilton
5.) 3B: Alex Rodriguez
6.) LF: Brian Giles
7.) C: Rudy York (Jorge Posada catches for Tom Glavine)
8.) 2B: Charlie Gehringer (vs. RHP)/Craig Biggio (vs. LHP)
9.) Pitcher

Bench
Jorge Posada
Craig Biggio
Hank Greenberg
Jason Giambi
Andruw Jones
Derek Jeter '10
Bobby Abreu

Pitching
1.) Greg Maddux
2.) Curt Schilling
3.) Jason Schmidt
4.) Tom Glavine
CL: Rich Gossage
SU: Mariano Rivera
SR: Larry Andersen
SR: Norm Charlton
MR: Craig Lefferts
LR/Mopup: Mike Mussina

# ? Nov 29, 2012 06:59

tatankatonk: Nov 4, 2011; Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Pick 'Em!
Bobbleheads in 5, 4-0

# ? Nov 29, 2012 07:07

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Personally, I'm rooting for the Losers, if only to save me the trouble of having to do an obit for the Bobbleheads.

Speaking of which, sort of a multi-part request here, would anyone like to do some obits for some of the teams about to be relegated. Obviously, I don't know what teams are going to be relegated, but if there's a team you really want to write an obit for ~~I will totally rig the Gauntlet to make that happen~~ just let me know.

Personally, I'm not even sure why I do the obits anymore, I think that people no longer read them, they just kind of put up with their existence and looking at the readership numbers, they might not even be doing that.

Either way, let me know!

# ? Nov 29, 2012 07:55

factorialite: Mar 3, 2008; by Lowtax

Oh, hey, I got relegated 6 days ago :toot:

# ? Nov 29, 2012 14:51

ToiletofSadness: Mar 27, 2010

League Finals Roster
Giving the Koosman thing a try here. Hate to have to pull Drysdale from the rotation, but he has the worst career splits vs LHBs.

Lineup vs RHP
2B Rose
LF Speaker
1B Thomas
CF Charleston
RF Robinson
C Torre
3B Youkilis
SS Tejada
P Pitcher

Lineup vs LHP
LF Speaker
3B Youkilis
1B Thomas
RF Robinson
CF Charleston
C Torre
SS Tejada
2B Frisch
P Pitcher

Bench
C Martinez
IF Frisch/Rose
3B Ventura
LF Raines
LF O'Doul
RF Oliva

Pitching
SP Paige
SP Koosman
SP Seaver
SP Ryan
Mop Drysdale
LR Sabathia
MR Hernandez
SR Myers
SR Wetteland
SU Bentancourt
CL Smoltz

Sliders
Hit and Run: -2
Sacrifice Bunt: -5
Squeeze Play: 0
Trying for extra bases: +2
Stealing Bases: +2
Aggressively Tagging Up: +2
Pitch Outs (to prevent stolen bases): 0
Giving Intentional Walks: 0
Pitching Around Good Hitters: +2
Bringing the Infield In: 0
Guarding the Lines: 0
Making Cutoff Throws: +2
Bringing in Pinch Hitters: 0
Bringing in Pinch Runners: +1
Bringing in Defensive Replacements: +3
Starting Pitchers on Short Rest: 0
Letting pitchers pitch through trouble: +2
Letting Pitchers rack up high pitch counts: +2

# ? Nov 29, 2012 15:28

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

Pick-'em update 5: Double update

Bruzer - 20 points _{(includes deduction)}

Faustoan Bargain - 20 points

gardenald - 25 points

mentholmoose - 37 points

mks5000 - 18 points

Monicro - 28 points

Mornacale - 16 points

Pungry - 19 points

Robert_Deadford - 13 points

tatankatonk - 30 points

UltimoDragonQuest - 19 points

Standings

1. mentholmoose (37)
2. tatankatonk (30)
3. Monicro (28)
4. gardenald (25)
5. Bruzer/Faustoan Bargain (20)
7. Pungry/UltimoDragonQuest (19)
9. mks5000 (18)
10. Mornacale (16)
11. Robert_Deadford (13)

And there's the first example of how useful a correct score is, as mentholmoose has a fantastic DLCS pick to take control.

Assuming no more than one drop-out from the EC, there are still 24 points on the board (4+4+2 in the Gauntlet, 1+3+10 in the SL final) so everyone can still just about theoretically win.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 15:54

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Personally, I'm rooting for the Losers, if only to save me the trouble of having to do an obit for the Bobbleheads.

Speaking of which, sort of a multi-part request here, would anyone like to do some obits for some of the teams about to be relegated. Obviously, I don't know what teams are going to be relegated, but if there's a team you really want to write an obit for ~~I will totally rig the Gauntlet to make that happen~~ just let me know.

Personally, I'm not even sure why I do the obits anymore, I think that people no longer read them, they just kind of put up with their existence and looking at the readership numbers, they might not even be doing that.

Either way, let me know!

Should the unthinkable happen...I'll take care of the Mooglies.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 16:42

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Personally, I'm rooting for the Losers, if only to save me the trouble of having to do an obit for the Bobbleheads.

Speaking of which, sort of a multi-part request here, would anyone like to do some obits for some of the teams about to be relegated. Obviously, I don't know what teams are going to be relegated, but if there's a team you really want to write an obit for ~~I will totally rig the Gauntlet to make that happen~~ just let me know.

Personally, I'm not even sure why I do the obits anymore, I think that people no longer read them, they just kind of put up with their existence and looking at the readership numbers, they might not even be doing that.

Either way, let me know!

I read them. :shobon:

# ? Nov 29, 2012 18:31

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

Pick 'em!

I'll go with the Bobbleheads in six games. Final game score: 5-3

# ? Nov 29, 2012 18:52

tatankatonk: Nov 4, 2011; Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Pick 'Em!
Cologne
Cleveland

# ? Nov 29, 2012 19:36

Robert Deadford: Mar 1, 2008; Ultra Carp

Pick 'em!

Since I'm doing so very well at this, I guess it's time to throw caution to the wind!

Bobbleheads in 5, final game 7-0!

# ? Nov 29, 2012 21:17

Faustoan Bargain: Dec 24, 2009; I'd sell my soul for a pitcher with a power sinker...

My pick:

Losers in 7, 6-3

# ? Nov 29, 2012 22:06

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Sometimes, the Gauntlet is pretty unpredictable. Today, it went exactly as you'd think.

Results

On the plus side, at least I won't have to write you an obit, it looks like. On the other hand, the Unicorns are taking a lot of the suspense out of these rounds, because they just won't lose.

I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure what an obit for your team would be like, and that's even writing an obit for your team a couple of seasons ago. So, I've decided to bribe someone else to do it for me.

I actually had a good idea for your obit that involved, well, you still might get relegated, but it was a good one. And then you escaped relegation in this round. gently caress.

Let's be honest, this was inevitable the second you traded Ted Williams away.

Also, since you're doing your own obit, I might as well tell you the idea I had, which was to do your obit in the form of a psychiatrists' report about you being an insane man who just had these delusions about the Mooglies and being the prince of Googopolis.

It's not a bad idea, but it's not so great that I'm going to insist on doing it or anything.

Next Time!

Pick 'em: Ich brauche ein Super-Meister!
Pick ZWEI!
Cleveland Emperors
Florida Oranges
Lombard St. Gumshoes
Ted Sox

EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT!

As per a letter of understanding between me and the German consulate of Chicago, I have agreed to refrain from writing any more material for the Cologne Emperors, so that no more unfortunate diplomatic incidents like my unfortunate comments about Guido Westerwelle. In my defense, I have always been opposed to neoliberal politicians in all countries, but that does not excuse my regrettable comments, even if they were made out of a sympathy to the plight of organized labor in Germany.

Regardless, both the local charge d'affaires and I agree that it would be best if someone else wrote the Emperors' obit.

So, to that end, I am offering a sandwich pick in the upcoming dispersal draft to the person who writes the best obit, as judged by me.

# ? Nov 29, 2012 23:38

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003

Email from the Executive Director of the Ted Sox PAC, Moose

Dear Team Name:

It's now or never. We've given you all the money, ads, and fans you can ask for but in Round 8 of the Gauntlet you must make make the decision. Voting for the Ted Sox means the start of a new age of reform. The Ted Sox winning means a victory for Super League.

God bless you all!

# ? Nov 30, 2012 00:19

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Unicorns and Gumshoes

# ? Nov 30, 2012 01:07

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

Oh boy, I can get that Vladimir Guerrero that I was eyeing before the Googily Mooglies made the stupidest auction offer ever!

# ? Nov 30, 2012 01:52

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

Unicorns and Oranges

# ? Nov 30, 2012 01:56

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Gauntlet picks: Cleveland and Florida

And a crappy obit for the Emperors:

A fragrance as sweet as this
Could only come from Cologne
The smell of fresh ambergris
Created in your colon

This short obituary
Mourning your rotten, dead team
Cold in a mortuary
While good owners drink Jim Beam

Bullpen swiftly imploded
Helpless to do anything
Your team is now exploded
Are the homers done falling?

This rhyming is loving tough
Man your team sucked in the Gauntlet

mentholmoose fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Nov 30, 2012

# ? Nov 30, 2012 02:00

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Lajoie 2B
Bonds LF
Griffey CF
Pujols 1B
Mauer C
Mathews 3B
Wright RF
Trammell SS
Staub DH

No bullpen changes. We survived the first test, now let's gently caress it up by changing my roster.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 02:12

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

oldskool posted:

Lajoie 2B
Bonds LF
Griffey CF
Pujols 1B
Mauer C
Mathews 3B
Wright RF
Trammell SS
Staub DH

No bullpen changes. We survived the first test, now let's gently caress it up by changing my roster.

Yes, I'm sure that Taffy Wright will do way better than Carlos Beltran...

Or, alternatively, thank you for making sure I get to use the obit idea I had for your team.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 02:22

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Unicorns and Ted Sox, just to be different.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 02:23

BrooklynBruiser: Aug 20, 2006

Woodchucks Pick 'Em!

Losers in 6, 3-1

Unicorns and Oranges to advance.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:01

Faustoan Bargain: Dec 24, 2009; I'd sell my soul for a pitcher with a power sinker...

I'll go with Cleveland and Ted Sox for picks.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:13

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Yes, I'm sure that Taffy Wright will do way better than Carlos Beltran...

Or, alternatively, thank you for making sure I get to use the obit idea I had for your team.

Decrepit Eddie Mathews outperformed Beltran in every statistic except runs, which is fitting because the one failing to drive him in was Beltran.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:20

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

oldskool posted:

Decrepit Eddie Mathews outperformed Beltran in every statistic except runs, which is fitting because the one failing to drive him in was Beltran.

The man's name was "Taffy" Wright, and, let's be real clear about this, there has not been a time in human history when you got the nickname 'Taffy' for your excellence in anything. Unless you were a candymaker. Hold on, let me check Wikipedia...no, it turns out that Taffy Wright did not operate a sea-salt taffy stand during the off-season.

He did, however, hit a grand total of 38 home runs over the nine seasons of his career, which might be a bit more relevant.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:32

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Smasher Dynamo posted:

The man's name was "Taffy" Wright, and, let's be real clear about this, there has not been a time in human history when you got the nickname 'Taffy' for your excellence in anything. Unless you were a candymaker. Hold on, let me check Wikipedia...no, it turns out that Taffy Wright did not operate a sea-salt taffy stand during the off-season.

He did, however, hit a grand total of 38 home runs over the nine seasons of his career, which might be a bit more relevant.

I guess you could say, using him would.... :crossarms:

be a stretch.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:41

Cthulhu Dreams: Dec 11, 2010; If I pretend to be Cthulhu no one will know I'm a baseball robot.

oldskool posted:

I guess you could say, using him would.... be a stretch.

Want to trade me Beltran for something? Maybe Cuyler? He did well last season for me.

Edit: Let's make this an offer

:siren:

1930's Kiki Cuyler for whatever Beltran you have. He's never going to put up Beltran's power numbers, but he hits for average, gets on base and can steal some bases, and has somehting resembling a plus glove.

He's a defensive sub for gold glover Larry Walker who's blocking him in RF.

Cthulhu Dreams fucked around with this message at 03:55 on Nov 30, 2012

# ? Nov 30, 2012 03:47

UltimoDragonQuest: Oct 5, 2011

Pick 'em

Cleveland, Florida

# ? Nov 30, 2012 05:00

Archie Goodwin: Jan 2, 2012; Using intelligence guided by experience since 1934.

I really don't want to let Smasher down, but my team is not going to be the most consistent save-to-save. Maybe that's a good thing.

Gumshoe Gauntlet Roster

"I came to San Francisco for the baseball weather. I was misinformed."

LF Rickey Henderson
CF Willie Mays
1B Eddie Murray
RF Don Baylor
2B Bobby Grich
DH Harold Baines
C Brian Downing
3B Chipper Jones
SS Barry Larkin

C Det. Don Slaught (catches for Rijo)
OF Lenny Dykstra
IF Alvin Dark
IF Hank Thompson
UT John Kruk

SP Nolan Ryan
SP Eddie Plank
SP Jose Rijo
SP Rick Reuschel
MU Andy Pettitte
CL Hoyt Wilhelm
SU Steve Bedrosian
SR Mike Jackson
SR Jeff Brantley
MR David Wells
LR Frank Tanana

I read the obits, but I feel like kind of a kiss-rear end if I tell you I enjoyed each one. You do good work, and I hope you'll keep doing this as long as you ~~feel obligated to~~ enjoy it.

# ? Nov 30, 2012 09:12

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

Unicorns and Oranges. Also I read the obits :shobon:

# ? Nov 30, 2012 09:22

Revenant Threshold: Jan 1, 2008

Cthulhu Dreams posted:

Want to trade me Beltran for something? Maybe Cuyler? He did well last season for me.

Edit: Let's make this an offer

1930's Kiki Cuyler for whatever Beltran you have. He's never going to put up Beltran's power numbers, but he hits for average, gets on base and can steal some bases, and has somehting resembling a plus glove.

He's a defensive sub for gold glover Larry Walker who's blocking him in RF.

I've got a Beltran you could have for Cuyler if oldskool isn't interested.

\/ 2011.

Revenant Threshold fucked around with this message at 14:15 on Nov 30, 2012

# ? Nov 30, 2012 14:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 22:18

Cthulhu Dreams: Dec 11, 2010; If I pretend to be Cthulhu no one will know I'm a baseball robot.

Revenant Threshold posted:

I've got a Beltran you could have for Cuyler if oldskool isn't interested.

What year?

# ? Nov 30, 2012 14:06

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