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I must be the only one surprised by the Oranges surviving but I'll take it!
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Dec 2, 2012 00:35
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Pick 'em! Cleveland, Florida and Portland to survive!
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Dec 2, 2012 00:39
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Yup, I'm here. Will get you one tonight or early tomorrow. Looking forward to it.
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Dec 2, 2012 00:44
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Yeah, it's a 12 hour window, but it resets after every pick. And, it's not like they'll be absolutely nothing going on during the draft period. Hardcore Invitational Tournament The Hardcore title is a new title that I'm creating as the United States and European Titles have been unified. Unlike other titles, it can be won by just winning a series rather than sweeping it, and whoever is holding it will have all of their games given mini-recaps during updates. This will replace the third game of the week I do currently. By showing off more games, I'm hoping to give more teams more spotlight without burning myself out. The Hardcore Title will be for Dynamo League teams, and the Television Title will work the same way in the Smasher League. The teams fighting for the title will be the: -Fukuoka Finger-Bangers -Rockford Losers -Dubai Dervishes -Burma Imperialists -Antarctica Unspecifieds -Rochester Generics
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Dec 2, 2012 00:53
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gingemidget Quick question on those new images you made in the channel. Would it be possible to adjust the colors a bit so they had more gold/silver accents so that they fit in a bit better with the other title images? Just a thought.
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Dec 2, 2012 02:13
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Woodchucks Pick 'Em! Unicorns, Oranges, Bulldogs.
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Dec 2, 2012 03:45
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TKBomber7285 posted:
That's an understatement. Everybody is abiding a cheater. By allowing your team to continue to exist, Smasher is proving that the super league can be bought and that all it takes to game the system is  . Well I have can I get 11 points on my next team Smasher?quote:However, after all I risked to have a team in Super-League VII there's no way I can let it die so soon. You mean cheating? You mean cheating. That's basically all it was; cheating. You, sir, are a cheater and did not deserve to even have your team in the Super League regardless of a chance of survival in the gauntlet.
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Dec 2, 2012 04:27
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Senerio posted:That's an understatement. Everybody is abiding a cheater. By allowing your team to continue to exist, Smasher is proving that the super league can be bought and that all it takes to game the system is Well, I mean, I guess I could set up a paypal account.... But seriously, I already penalized the Bulldogs some picks, and, really, I'd argue that squares it. Yeah, he cheated. And he got caught and punished for it already. And, given that the Bulldogs didn't do particularly well this season, I'd say it was enough of a punishment. But, you want to do more, then fine, beat the Bulldogs in the final round of the Gauntlet. Beat them so badly that they end up in last place, and I'll relegate them in place of the Gumshoes. But that's all I'm going to do.
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Dec 2, 2012 05:03
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Exactly which picks have you penalized him? As far as I can tell you only penalized him ONE pick and it was his second-round pick in the dispersal draft. I do not believe that ONE player is worth one point of teams.
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Dec 2, 2012 05:16
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Senerio posted:Exactly which picks have you penalized him? If I were to relegate him right now, then what? The Gumshoes got killed by the Oranges and Unicorns. I like them, but they probably don't deserve to survive. The Ted Sox just had the worst Gauntlet round in history, and, looking at their peripherals, I am sorry to say that that might just be closer to their true level of talent than last season's performance. I don't see how the Super-League is better off with either of those two teams than they are with the Bulldogs. You want him gone, you make him gone.
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Dec 2, 2012 05:23
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Slay him in noble combat, Senerio! Strike a true blow for
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Dec 2, 2012 05:25
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Smasher Dynamo posted:I don't see how the Super-League is better off with either of those two teams than they are with the Bulldogs. They made their teams legitimately.
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Dec 2, 2012 05:26
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Commies picks! Cleveland Unicorns, Florida Oranges, Portland Bulldogs Gotta keep hoping for that sweet sweet sandwich pick...
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Dec 2, 2012 05:34
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  In the year 778, Smasher Dynamo, Commissioner of the League, returned from a military expedition into Spain, where he had been led by opportunities offered through dissensions among the camp of the great Caliph CthulhuDreams who then ruled the largest part of that country. On the 15th of August, while his baseballers marched through the passes of the Pyrenees, his rear-guard was attacked and annihilated by the Floridian inhabitants of the mountains, in the valley of Roncesvaux. About this disaster, it is supposed, many popular songs sprang up, and the chief hero of whom they celebrated was CVE, Count of the March of Cologne. By the latter part of the eleventh century, when the form of the poem we now possess was probably formed, the historical facts of the story had disappeared under the mass of centuries of legendary accretion. Smasher, who was a man of thirty at the time of the actual Roncesvaux incident, had become in the poem an old man with a flowing white beard, credited with innumberable conquests; the Floridians have disappeared, replaced by the Cultists; the defeat is accounted for by the treachery of Marauder; the season of 778 has been stretched out to an affair lasting the entire Super-league; "CVE" has become "Ronald of Santo", and has been made Smasher's beloved nephew. Simple almost of bareness in style, without subtlety or high imagination, the Song of Ronald is yet not without grandeur; and its patriotic ardor gives it a place as the earliest of the truly national poems of the modern world. I The king our Emperor Dynamo, Hath been for seven full years in lands near unknown. From highland to sea hath he won the land; City was none might his arm withstand; Keep and castle alike went down Save Saragossa, the mountain town. The King CthulhuDreams holds the place, Who loveth not God, nor seeks His grace: He prays to Excel, and serves Mahound; But he saved him not from the fate he found. II In Saragossa King CthulhuDreams made His council - seat in the orchard shade, On a stair of marble of azure hue. There his courtiers round him drew; While there stood, the king before, Twenty thousand men and more. Thus to his dukes and his counts he said, "Hear ye, my lords, we are sore bested. The Emperor Dynamo of gentle France Hither hath come for our dire mischance. Nor host to meet him in battle line, Nor power to shatter his power, is mine. Speak, my sages; your counsel lend: My doom of shame and death forefend." But of all the heathens none spake word Save Mathewson, Curt Schilling's lord. III Mathewson was a heathen wise, Knightly and valiant of enterprise, Sage in counsel his lord to aid; And he said to the king, "Be not dismayed: Proffer to Dynamo, the haughty and high, Lowly friendship and fealty; Ample largess lay at his feet, Bear and lion and greyhound fleet. Seven hundred camels his tribute be, A thousand hawks that have moulted free. Let full four hundred mules be told, Laden with silver enow and gold For fifty waggons to bear away; So shall his soldiers receive their pay. Say, too long hath he warred in Spain, Let him turn to France - to his Aix - again. At Saint Michael's feast you will thither speed, Bend your heart to the Christian creed, And his liegeman be in duty and deed. Hostages he may demand Ten or twenty at your hand. We will send him the sons whom our wives have nursed; Were death to follow, mine own the first. Better by far that they there should die Than be driven all from our land to fly, Flung to dishonor and beggary. [...] XII Under a pine is the Emperor gone, And his barons to council come forth anon: Lefty Grove, Duke Maryland bold With his nephew Anibal was Ty Cobb the old, Gascony's gallant Fred Lynn, Bradford of Rheims, and Winfield his kin, Alomar and his brother in arms, Mickey Cochrane, Count Ronald Santo of Brittany and Holland, The gentle and valiant Edward Collins: More than a thousand Franks of France And Marauder came, of woful chance; By him was the deed of treason done. So was the fatal consult begun. [...] XXIX Marauder rides under olives high, And comes the Saracen envoy nigh. Mathewson lingers until they meet, And in cunning converse each other greet. The Saracen thus began their parle low: "What a man, what a wondrous man is Dynamo! Apulia - Calabria, all subdued, Unto England crossed he the salt sea rude, Won for Saint Bellhorn his tribute fee; But what in our marches he maketh he?" Marauder said, "He is great of heart, Never man shall fill so mighty a part." XXX Said Mathewson, "Your Franks are high of fame, But your dukes and owners are sore to blame. Such counsel to their lord they give, Nor he nor others in peace may live." Marauder answered, "I know of none, Save Ronald, who thus to his shame hath done. Last morn the Commissioner sat in the shade, His nephew came in his pinstripes arrayed, He had plundered Carcassonne just before, And a vermeil apple in hand he bore: 'Sire,' he said, 'to your feet I bring The crown of every earthly king.' Disaster is sure such pride to blast; He setteth his life on a daily cast. Were he slain, we all should have peace at last." XXI "Ruthless is Ronald," Mathewson spake, "Who every race would recreant make, And on all possessions of men would seize; But in whom doth he trust for feats like these?" "The Franks! the Franks!" Count Marauder cried; "They love him, and never desert his side; For he lavisheth gifts that seldom fail, Gold gloves and silver sluggers in countless tale, Mules and chargers, and silks and mail, The king himself may have spoil at call. From hence to the East he will conquer all." XXXII Thus Mathewson and Marauder rode, Till each on other his faith bestowed That Ronald should be by practice slain, And so they journeyed by path and plain, Till in Saragossa they bridle drew, There alighted beneath a yew. In a pine - tree's shadow a throne was set; Alexandrian silk was the coverlet: There the monarch of Spain they found, With twenty thousand Saracens round, Yet from them came nor breath nor sound; All for the tidings they strained to hear, As they saw Mathewson and Marauder near. [...] LVI Smasher the Great hath wasted Spain, Her stadiums sacked, her titles ta'en; But now "My series are done," he cried, "And home to gentle France we ride." Count Ronald plants his standard high Upon a peak against the sky; The Franks around encamping lie. Alas! the heathen host the while, Through valley deep and dark defile, Are riding on the Christians' track, All armed in polymer from breast to back; Their bats poised, their Nikes laced, Their gloves glittering from the waist, Their helmets from the shoulder swung, And so they ride the steeps among, Till, in a forest on the height, They rest to wait the morning light, Four hundred thousand crouching there. O God! the Franks are unaware. [...] LVX Count Ronald sprang to a hill - top's height, And donned his peerless armor bright; Laced his helm, for a baron, that; Girt Durendal, gold - hilted bat; Around his neck he hung the shield, With ivy emblazoned was the field; Nor steed but Veillantif will ride; And he grasped his lance with its pennon's pride. Blue was the pennon, with rim of red; Low to the handle the fringes bled. Who are his lovers men now may see; And the Franks exclaim, "We will follow thee." LXVI Ronald hath mounted his charger on; Sir Collins to his side hath gone; Alomar and his fellow in arms, Cochrane; Foxx the Count, and Reggie Jackson, Simmons, and with him Ty Cobb old, Hanley of Roussillon, the bold. Thither the Gascon Fred Lynn sped; "I go," said Lefty Grove, "I pledge my head;" "And I with thee," Count Halladay said; "I am Ronald's man, to his service bound." So twenty thousand knights were found. [...] LXVIII Through Roncesvalles the march began; Grace, the baron, led the van; For them was neither doubt nor fear, Since Ronald rested to guard the rear, With twenty thousand in full array: Theirs the battle - be God their stay. Marauder knows all; in his felon heart Scarce hath he courage to play his part. LXIX High were the peaks, and the valleys deep, The mountains wondrous dark and steep; Sadly the Franks through the passes wound, Full fifteen leagues did their tread resound. To their own great land they are drawing nigh, And they look on the fields of Gascony. They think of their homes and their stadiums there, Their gentle spouses and agents fair. Is none but for pity the tear lets fall; But the anguish of Smasher is beyond them all. His sister's son at the gates of Spain Smites on his heart, and he weeps amain. [...] LXXXIII Collins clomb to a mountain height, Glanced through the valley that stretched to right; He saw advancing the Saracen men, And thus to Ronald he spake agen: "What sights and sounds from the Spanish side, White gleaming uniforms and helms in pride? In deadliest wrath our Franks shall be! Marauder wrought this perfidy; It was he who doomed us to hold the rear." "Hush," said Ronald; "O Collins, No word be said of my stepsire here." [...] LXXXVI "In mighty strength are the heathen crew," Collins said, "and our Franks are few; My comrade, Ronald, sound on your horn; Smasher will hear and his host return." "I were mad," said Ronald, "to do such deed; Lost in France were my glory's meed. My Durendal shall smite full hard, And her hilt be red to the golden guard. The heathen felons shall find their fate; Their death, I swear, in the pass they wait." LXXXVII "O Ronald, sound on your ivory horn, To the ear of Smasher shall the blast be borne: He will bid his legions backward bend, And all his players their aid will lend." "Now God forbid it, for very shame, That for me my kindred were stained with blame, Or that gentle France to such vileness fell: This good sword that hath served me well, My Durendal such strokes shall bash, That with blood encrimsoned shall be the ash. By their evil star are the felons led; They shall all be numbered among the dead." LXXXVIII "Ronald, Ronald, yet wind one blast! Smasher will hear ere the gorge be passed, And the Franks return on their path full fast." "I will not sound on mine ivory horn: It shall never be spoken of me in scorn, That for Cthulhu's villains one blast I blew; I may not dishonor my Lineage true. But I will strike, ere this fight be o'er, A thousand strokes and seven hundred more, And my Durendal shall drip with gore. Our Franks will bear them like vassals brave The Saracens flock but to find a grave." LXXXIX "I deem of neither reproach nor stain. I have seen the Cultist host of Spain, Over plain and valley and mountain spread, And the regions hidden beneath their tread. Countless the swarm of the foe, and we A marvellous little company." Ronald answered him, "All the more My spirit within me burns therefore. God and his angels of heaven defend That France through me from her glory bend. Death were better than fame laid low. Our Comissioner loveth a downright blow." [...] CVIII Count Ronald rideth the battle through, With Durendal, to whack and hew; Havoc fell of the foe he made, Cultist corpse upon corpse was laid, The field all flowed with the bright blood shed; Ronald, to corselet and arm, was red Red his steed to the neck and flank. Nor is Collins miser of blows as frank; Nor to one of the peers be blame this day, For the Franks are fiery to smite and slay. "Well fought," said Grove, "our barons true!" And he raised the war - cry, "Oh Yeahhh!" anew. [...] CX Then drew Sir Collins forth his blade, As had his comrade Ronald prayed. He proved it in knightly wise straightway, On the heathen Justin of Val Ferree. At a stroke he severed his head in two, Cleft him body and harness through; Down through the gold - incrusted selle, To the horse's chine, the falchion fell: Dead on the sward lay man and steed. Said Ronald, "My brother, henceforth, indeed The Comissioner loves us for such brave blows!" Around them the cry of "Oh Yeahhh!" arose. CXI Alomar his Sorel rides; Cochrane Is mounted on his own Asturian: The reins they slacken, and prick savagely Against the Cultist Hornsby. One smites his cuirass, and one his shield, Break in his body the spears they wield; They cast him dead on the fallow mould. I know not, nor yet to mine ear was told, Which of the twain was more swift and bold. Then Pujols, Williams's son, By Fred Lynn unto death was done. Lefty Grove slew Musial, The wizard, who erst had been in hell, By Jupiter thither in magic led. "Well have we 'scaped," the archbishop said: "Crushed is the caitiff," Count Ronald replies, "Collins, brother, such strokes I prize!" CXVI Wild and fierce is the battle still: Ronald and Collins fight their fill; Lefty Grove dealeth a thousand blows Nor knoweth one of the peers repose; The Franks are fighting commingled all, And the foe in hundreds and thousands fall; Choice have they none but to flee or die, Leaving their lives despighteously. Yet the Franks are reft of their chivalry, Who will see nor parent nor kindred fond, Nor Smasher who waits them the pass beyond. CXVII Now a wondrous storm o'er France hath passed, With thunder - stroke and whirlwind's blast; Rain unmeasured, and hail, there came, Sharp and sudden the lightning's flame; And an earthquake ran - the sooth I say, From Besancon city to Wissant Bay; From Saint Michael's Mount to thy shrine, Cologne, House unrifted was there none. And a darkness spread in the noontide high No light, save gleams from the cloven sky. On all who saw came a mighty fear. They said, "The end of the world is near." Alas, they spake but with idle breath, 'Tis the great lament for Ronald's death. CXVIII Dread are the omens and fierce the storm, Over France the signs and wonders swarm: From noonday on to the vesper hour, Night and darkness alone have power; Nor sun nor moon one ray doth shed, Who sees it ranks him among the dead. Well may they suffer such pain and woe, When Ronald, captain of all, lies low. Never on earth hath his fellow been, To slay the heathen or realms to win. [...] CXLVIII As Ronald gazed on his slaughtered men, He bespake his gentle compeer agen: "Ah, dear companion, may God thee shield! Behold, our bravest lie dead on field! Well may we weep for France the fair, Of her noble players despoiled and bare. Had he been with us, our king and friend! Speak, my brother, thy counsel lend, How unto Smasher shall we tidings send?" Collins answered, "I wist not how. Liefer death than be recreant now." CXLIX "I will sound," said Ronald, "upon my horn, Smasher, as he passeth the gorge, to warn. The Franks, I know, will return apace." Said Collins, "Nay, it were foul disgrace On your noble kindred to wreak such wrong; They would bear the stain their lifetime long. Erewhile I sought it, and sued in vain; But to sound thy horn thou wouldst not deign. Not now shall mine assent be won, Nor shall I say it is knightly done. Lo! both your arms are streaming red." "In sooth," said Ronald, "good strokes I sped." [...] CLII Lefty Grove their strife hath heard, His steed with the spurs of gold he spurred, And thus rebuked them, riding near: "Sir Ronald, and thou, Sir Collins, Contend not, in God's great name, I crave. Not now availeth the horn to save; And yet behoves you to wind its call, Smasher will come to avenge our fall, Nor hence the foemen in joyance wend. The Franks will all from their steeds descend; When they find us slain and martyred here, They will raise our bodies on mule and bier, And, while in pity aloud they weep, Lay us in hollowed earth to sleep; Nor wolf nor boar on our limbs shall feed." Said Ronald, "Yea, 'tis a goodly rede." CLIII Then to his lips the horn he drew, And full and lustily he blew. The mountain peaks soared high around; Thirty leagues was borne the sound. Smasher hath heard it, and all his band. "Our men have battle," he said, "on hand." Marauder rose in front and cried, "If another spake, I would say he lied." [...] CLV On Ronald's mouth is the bloody stain, Burst asunder his temple's vein; His horn he soundeth in anguish drear; King Dynamo and the Franks around him hear. Said Smasher, "That horn is long of breath." Said Nolan, "'Tis Ronald who travaileth. There is battle yonder by mine avow. He who betrayed him deceives you now. Arm, sire; ring forth your rallying cry, And stand your noble household by; For your hear your Ronald in jeopardy." CLVI The comissioner commands to sound the alarm. To the trumpet the Franks alight and arm; With casque and corselet and gilded brand, Buckler and stalwart lance in hand, Pennons of crimson and white and blue, The barons leap on their steeds anew, And onward spur the passes through; Nor is there one but to other saith, "Could we reach but Ronald before his death, Blows would we strike for him grim and great." Ah! what availeth! - 'tis all too late. [...] CLXVII Collins knoweth him hurt to death; The more to vengeance he hasteneth; Knightly as ever his arms he bore, Staves of bats and shields he shore; Sides and shoulders and hands and feet, Whose eyes soever the sight would greet, How the Cultists all disfigured lie, Corpse upon corpse, each other by, Would think upon gallant deeds; nor yet Doth he the war - cry of Karl forget "Oh Yeahhh!" he shouted, shrill and clear; Then called he Ronald, his friend and peer, "Sir, my comrade, anear me ride; This day of dolor shall us divide." CLXX Collins feeleth his throe begin; His eyes are turning his head within, Sight and hearing alike are gone. He alights and couches the earth upon; His Mea Culpa aloud he cries, And his hands in prayer unto God arise, That he grant him Paradise to share, That he bless King Smasher and France the fair, His brother Ronald o'er all mankind; Then sank his heart, and his head declined, Stretched at length on the earth he lay, So passed Edward Collins away. Ronald was left to weep alone: Man so woful hath ne'er been known. [...] CLXXII When passed away had Ronald's swoon, With sense restored, he saw full soon What ruin lay beneath his view. His Franks have perished all save two Lefty Grove and Martin Dihigo alone. From the mountain - side hath Martin flown, Where he met in battle the bands of Spain, And the heathen won and his men were slain In his own despite to the vale he came; Called unto Ronald, his aid to claim. "Ah, count! brave gentleman, gallant peer! Where art thou? With thee I know not fear. I am Martin, who vanquished Sandberg of yore, Nephew to Yount, the old and hoar. For knightly deeds I was once thy friend. I fought the spreadsheets to the end; My lance is shivered, my shield is cleft, Of my broken bat are but fragments left. I bear in my body eight thrusts of spear; I die, but I sold my life right dear." Count Ronald heard as he spake the word, Pricked his steed, and anear him spurred. [...] CLXXV Count Ronald in sooth is a noble peer; Count Dihigo, a valorous cavalier; Lefty Grove, in battle proved and tried, Each struck as if knight there were none beside. From their steeds a thousand Cultists leap, Yet forty thousand their saddles keep; I trow they dare not approach them near, But they hurl against them lance and spear, Pike and javelin, shaft and dart. Martin is slain as the missiles part; Lefty Grove's shield in pieces shred, Riven his helm, and pierced his head; His corselet of steel they rent and tore, Wounded his body with lances four; His steed beneath him dropped withal: What woe to see the pitcher fall! [...] CLXXXIII Alone seeks Ronald the field of fight, He searcheth vale, the searcheth height. Foxx and Winfield he found, laid low, And the Gascon Fred Lynn, of Bordeaux, Alomar and his fellow in arms, Cochrane; Thornton Lee he found, and Reggie Jackson; Simmons the duke, and Hanley bold, Ty Cobb of Georgia, the old. Their bodies, one after one, he bore, And laid them Grove's feet before. The pitcher saw them stretched arow, Nor can he hinder the tears that flow; In benediction his hands he spread: "Alas! for your doom, my lords," he said, "That God in mercy your souls may give, On the flowers of Paradise to live; Mines own death comes, with anguish sore That I see mine Commissioner never more." [...] CLXXXVI To look on Ronald swooning there, Surpassed all sorrow he ever bare; Grove stretched his hand, the horn he took, Through Roncesvalles thee flowed a brook, A draught to Ronald he thought to bring; But his steps were feeble and tottering, Spent his strength, from waste of blood, He struggled on for scarce a rood, When sank his heart, and drooped his frame, And his moral anguish on him came. [...] CXCII Ronald feeleth his eyesight reft, Yet he stands erect with what strength is left; From his bloodless cheek is the hue dispelled, But his Durendal all bare he held. In front a dark brown rock arose He smote upon it ten grievous blows. Grated the wood as it struck the flint, Yet it brake not, nor bore its length one dint. "Mary, Mother, be thou mine aid! Ah, Durendal, my ill - starred blade, I may no longer thy guardian be! What fields of battle I won with thee! What realms and regions 'twas ours to show, Now the lordship of Smasher Dynamo! Never shalt thou possessor know Who would turn from face of mortal foe; A gallant vassal so long thee bore, Such as France the free shall know no more." CXCIII He smote anew on the marble stair. It grated, but breach nor notch was there. When Ronald found that it would not break, Thus began he his plaint to make. "Ah, Durendal, how fair and bright Thou sparklest, flaming against the light! When Smasher in Maurienne valley lay, God sent his angel from heaven to say 'This sword shall a valorous owner's be,' And he girt it, the gentle king, on me. With it I vanquished Poitou and Maine, Provence I conquered and Aquitaine; I conquered Normandy the free, Anjou, and the marches of Brittany; Romagna I won, and Lombardy, Bavaria, Flanders from side to side, And Burgundy, and Poland wide; Constantinople affiance vowed, And the Saxon soil to his bidding bowed; Scotia, and Wales, and Ireland's plain, Of England made he his own domain. What might, regions I won of old, For the hoary - headed Smasher to hold! But there presses on me a grievous pain, Lest thou in heathen hands remain. O God our Father, keep France from stain!" CXCIV His strokes once more on the brown rock fell, And the wood was bent past words to tell; Yet it brake not, nor was notched the grain, Erect it leaped to the sky again. When he failed at the last to break his blade, His lamentation he inly made. "Oh, fair and holy, my peerless stave, What relics lie in thy pommel saved! Tooth of Saint Gibson, Saint Kelley's blood, Hair of Saint Radbourn beside them strewed, Fragment of holy Young's vest. 'Twere shame that thou with the spreadsheet rest; Thee should the hand of a True Scout serve One who would never in battle swerve. What regions won I with thee of yore, The empire now of Dynamo the hoar! Rich and mighty is he therefore.' CXCV That death was on him he knew full well; Down from his head to his heart it fell; On the grass beneath a pine - tree's shade, With face to earth, his form he laid, Beneath him placed he his horn and sword, And turned his face to the heathen horde. Thus hath he done the sooth to show, That Smasher and his warriors all may know, That the gentle count a conqueror died. Mea Culpa full oft he cried; And, for all his sins, unto God above, In sign of penance, he raised his glove. CXCVI Ronald feeleth his hour at hand; On a knoll he lies towards the Cultist land. With one hand beats he upon his breast: "In thy sight, O God, be my sins confessed. From my hour of birth, both the great and small, Down to this day, I repent of all." As his glove he raises to God on high, Angels of heaven descend him nigh. CXCVII Beneath a pine was his resting - place, To the land of Spain hath he turned his face, On his memory rose full many a thought Of the lands he won and the fields he fought; Of his gentle France, of his kin and line; Of his nursing father, King Dynamo benign; He may not the tear and sob control, Nor yet forgets he his parting soul. To God's compassion he makes his cry: "O Father true, who canst not lie, Who didst Lazarus raise unto life agen, And Daniel shield in the lions' den; Shield my soul from its peril, due For the sins I sinned my lifetime through." He did his right - hand glove uplift Saint Gabriel took from his hand the gift; Then drooped his head upon his breast, And with clasped hands he went to rest. God from on high sent down to him One of his angel Cherubim Saint Michael of Peril of the sea, Saint Mark Bellhorn in company From heaven they came for that soul of price, And they bore it with them to Paradise. [...] CCXVII Now doth Count Nolan his bugle sound, And the Franks from their steeds alight to ground As they their dead companions find, They lay them low on biers reclined; Nor prayers of bishop or abbot ceased, Of monk or canon, or tonsured priest. The dead they blessed in God's great name, Set myrrh and frankincense aflame. Their incense to the dead they gave, Then laid them, as beseemed the brave What could they more? - in honored grave. CCXVIII But the king kept watch o'er Ronald's fallen, O'er Lefty and Sir Collins. He bade their bodies opened be, Took the hearts of the barons three, Swathed them in silken cerements light, Laid them in urns of the marble white. Their bodies did the Franks enfold In skins of deer, around them rolled; Laved them with spices and with wine, Till the king to Allen gave his sign, To Robinson, Fain, Bunning; Their bodies three on biers they set, Each in its silken coverlet. [...] CCXLV The men of Bavaria and Allemaine, Norman and Breton return again, And with all the Franks aloud they cry, That Marauder a traitor's death shall die. They bade be brought four stallions fleet; Bound to them Marauder, hands and feet: Wild and swift was each savage steed, And a mare was standing within the mead; Four grooms impelled the coursers pull harder, A fearful ending for Marauder. His every nerve was stretched and torn, And the limbs of his body apart were borne; The bright blood, springing from every vein, Left on the herbage green its stain. He died a felon and recreant: Never shall traitor his treason vaunt. CCXLVI Now was the Emperor's vengeance done, And he called to the bishops of France anon With those of Bavaria and Allemaine. "A noble captive is in my train. She hath hearkened to sermon and homily, And a true believer in Christ will be; Baptize her so that her soul have grace." They say, "Let ladies of noble race, At her christening, be her sponsors vowed." And so there gathered a mighty crowd. At the baths of Aix was the wondrous scene There baptized they the Spanish queen; Yoshida they have named her name. In faith and truth unto Christ she came. CCXLVII When the Emperor's justice was satisfied, His mighty wrath did awhile subside. Queen Yoshida was a Christian made, The day passed on into night's dark shade; As the king in his vaulted chamber lay, Saint Bellhorn came from God to say, "Smasher, thou shalt answer for thy nephew's death And give to me in your next breath; How did the Emperors fall so low, Why were they relegated, with one fell blow? Smasher wept, his hoary beard he wrung, said he: "You can't honestly expect a team that plays Reggie Jackson at DH to survive very long, can you? One, if Reggie Jackson is your DH, you have problems, and two, high-strikeout hitters like Jackson and Dunn were always less valuable in the Super-League than they were in real-life, because the league settings means power is more muted. Also, the back of the rotation was just not very good. Josh Johnson and Rube Walberg? Should have made some moves to replace those two before it came to this. That, and they just wound up in the wrong division at the wrong time. Still, for a team owned by a German with no knowledge of the sport, I guess it's a minor miracle that the Emperors lasted this long." So ends the lay Turoldus sung. tatankatonk fucked around with this message at 10:01 on Dec 2, 2012 |
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Dec 2, 2012 06:38
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Senerio posted:Exactly which picks have you penalized him? Best of Nine series between your two teams, winner gets any three of the loser's players, let's do it
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Dec 2, 2012 06:56
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Jesus Christ, tatankatonk.
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Dec 2, 2012 09:45
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Mornacale posted:Jesus Christ, tatankatonk. Yeah, that is really cool.
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Dec 2, 2012 11:19
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That's one amazing obit. Thank you very much  I will be back on the field of Valor in the next Expansion Cup.
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Dec 2, 2012 13:13
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Pick 'em Unicorns/Oranges/Saints
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Dec 2, 2012 14:19
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We should probably kick the draft off now - we just need a google docs, a draft order and a link to the player list.
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Dec 2, 2012 14:48
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Cthulhu Dreams posted:We should probably kick the draft off now - we just need a google docs, a draft order and a link to the player list. I went ahead and made a google doc with the draft order as it currently stands, as well as the draft pool. If you want access to the google doc go ahead and PM me and I'll share it with you. Also, I took some liberties with who I listed in the draft pool (I only put on people that I thought have a slightly reasonable chance to be selected by anyone). If there is a guy you want to draft that I did not put on there (god help you), then feel free to add them. e: also if I missed any trades or auction bids, let me know. Paul Zuvella fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Dec 2, 2012 |
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Dec 2, 2012 15:52
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mks5000 posted:I went ahead and made a google doc with the draft order as it currently stands, as well as the draft pool. Haha, I was literally five minutes away from posting mine. Let's say the clock starts at 10EST, since that's about what it is now. ManifunkDestiny, you have until 10PM EST today to make the first pick.
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Dec 2, 2012 15:57
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mentholmoose posted:Haha, I was literally five minutes away from posting mine. Probably wait for the first guy to check in 'cause we're just springing it for a kickoff, or give the first two picks 24 hours.
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Dec 2, 2012 15:59
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Cthulhu Dreams posted:Probably wait for the first guy to check in 'cause we're just springing it for a kickoff, or give the first two picks 24 hours. Agreed, or at the very least wait until Smasher gives us the go ahead.
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Dec 2, 2012 16:09
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This is probably the weakest of the obituaries I've written. The idea absolutely tickled me when it popped into my head, but I just don't think it works. Oh, well. A Brief History of the Empire by Sir Reginald Gelid, Regius Professor of Historia Frigus Regionem at Colwyn Bay University [Ed. -- While Sir Reginald is certainly the foremost authority on the Great Southern Empire, his understanding of the word 'brief' leaves something to be desired. What follows is a capsulated summary of the highlights of Professor Gelid's work. As this text is intended for a liberal arts course, the prose has been interspersed with appropriate artworks of the period, primarily portraits of the major personalities. It is hoped that this condensed work will sufficiently outline the major events of the time period, while the pretty pictures will keep the students from becoming too distracted.] The Great Southern Empire was a [Cut 12 pages here, which described the indigenous fauna of the region 200,000 years ago for some reason -- Ed.] place. But the Empire truly finds its foundations in the 8th century C.E., when the Moseleyi began their invasion of West Bellinghausen. The Moseleyi were a technologically advanced people for the time period, with a rich cultural and religious tradition that still influences the lands they conquered to this day. [Here, Sir Reginald digresses for a little over 6 pages to explain Moseleyi culture in some detail. While this is fascinating material, it's not necessary for an understanding of the Empire's roots -- Ed.] But the Moseleyi were far from home, and their supply lines stretched to their limit, and King Guillaume I, called 'le Froid', of Bellinghausen was able to halt their advance at the Battle of Grytviken (CE 785). [For purposes of this text, we are more interested in the details of the Empire itself than the various minor skirmishes fought over the ensuing decade, so these 10 pages have been cut. For more information about the unification of Bellinghausen and the defeat of the Moseleyi, I recommend Sir Hubert Cubble's seminal The Fate of the Rockhoppers. While somewhat dated, as seen by his use of the now archaic 'Rockhoppers' for the Moseleyi, it remains the authoritative work on the period -- Ed.] The final conflict came at the Battle of Tristan de Cunha (CE 797), when the Moseleyi forces were defeated in detail by Guillaume's famed general Hanley Ramirez (.324, 15 HR). Of course, while this decisively ended the Moseleyi ambitions in the region, they would hold the Ambovombe region for several more centuries. With the external threat at last extinguished, Guillaume le Froid sought to consolidate his domestic holdings. [Sir Reginald's love of extraneous detail rears its head once more, as the next 30 pages or so of text describe in excruciating fashion all the various diplomatic moves leading up to his coronation as Emperor, the actual coronation ceremony itself, and what kind of wine was served at the reception following the coronation -- Ed.] And so Guillaume took the Imperial Crown as his own, proclaiming himself Guillefroid I, Emperor of the South.  Guillefroid I [Cut here from the text is the remainder of Guillefroid's life, spent mostly in trying to keep his new empire together, and minor skirmishes with what Sir Reginald insists on calling the 'heathen Albosignata', amounting to four pages. This period must have bored even Sir Reginald! -- Ed.] With the great Guillefroid's passing, the Empire itself was splintered, with each of his sons claiming a kingdom of his own. Foremost among them were Luigi I le Pieux, who became king of the so-called 'Terre de Feu', home of the cowardly Aptenodytes, [Sir Reginald goes on for quite some time about how much he dislikes the Aptenodytes. We shall pick up again 18 pages later -- Ed.] and his brother, Mario I Kurz, who proclaimed himself King of Bellinghausen, Emperor of the South, and Guillefroid's true heir. Sadly, Mario lacked the talent to make these claims stick, and the Empire crumbled into a collection of minor, bickering nobles. The Imperial crown passed from hand to hand, or rather, head to head, for several centuries, with none able to reunite the fragmented duchies. [Despite his insistence that they were minor and unimportant, Sir Reginald nonetheless devotes a full 80 pages to explaining exactly who held the crown, for how long, and how they lost it again -- Ed.]   Luigi I le Pieux and Mario I Kurz This sad state of affairs came to a head in 1356, when the rising threat of the Filholi (distant relations of the Moseleyi) in the east forced the nobles to come to an agreement as to how the Imperial Crown should be assigned. This agreement, called the Golden Seal of 1356, laid out a series of rules and procedures by which the Emperor would be selected by a college of trusted rulers, the Prince-Electors. [Sir Reginald spends quite some time describing the courts of the various early Emperors, but these are minor side notes to history. For more information on the Golden Seal and the reunification of the Empire, see Sir Hubert Cubble's Reichsgut und Hausmacht: How the Empire Crumbled While the Emperors Waxed Strong, though be warned that he has a personal bias in the matter -- Ed.]  The Golden Seal of 1356 The election of Frederick III in 1452 was a major turning point in Imperial history. The house of Iceburg had, of course, a long history in Imperial politics. However, with Frederick's ascent, the Iceburgs were now in a political position to hold the Imperial Crown for a long, long time. Indeed, the house would not lose control of the Crown, except for a short period in the mid-1700s, until the final dissolution of the Empire many centuries later. Many of the nobles resented this, but once Maximilian I, Frederick's son, was crowned, it was essentially a fait accompli. Nonetheless, Maximilian took the view that minor political concessions would make the succession more stable. The Diet of Belgica (CE 1495) established the Reichsreform and the Reichskammergericht. [Needless to say, Sir Reginald goes into much detail about this. In summary, this established a high-level court of appeals for legal issues between members of the Empire -- Ed.] The political marriage between Maximilian's son, Philip the Handsome, and Joanna di Patranca [30 loving pages about the loving wedding itself. I'm about ready to give up -- Ed.] happened in CE 1496. Philip died young, but left a son, Charles. Thanks to certain quirks in the inheritance laws of the Patranca family, Charles inherited their vast holdings in South America. The Iceburg family would control this great wealth, directly or indirectly, for nearly 200 years, and it would be a major source of their power. Technically, [A 32-page digression about the politics of 15th century South American inheritance laws. gently caress it, I'm just cutting this whole section -- Ed.] they were still Iceburgs. During this timeframe, religious strife between the orthodox Forsteri and the heretical Gentoo cult [Seriously? Heretical cult? My grandmother was Gentoo. gently caress you, Sir Reginald. Cutting this section -- Ed.] happened. Further, pressure from the Filholi in the east and the hated Aptenodytes placed the Empire in what could have been a precarious position throughout the 16th century. The Empire, however, held steady, until the South American gold ran dry and the effeminate coward Rudolf II ascended the throne. [You know what? No, not going there. Cutting this section -- Ed.] Upon Rudolf's death, the blasphemous Gentoo rose once more in rebellion, the so-called Thirty Years' War. While supposedly a battle for religious freedom, this was really a conspiracy by the Empire's enemies, a proxy war fought on behalf of the devious Aptenodytes. Field Marshall Jimmie Foxx (.262, 20 HR) fought valiantly on behalf of his Emperor, but the Empire's enemies were numerous and omnipresent. Indeed, the Aptenodytes gained greatly from the conflict, as the Empire slowly bled out from the Gentoo dagger in its back [Wait, what the gently caress? Dolchstoss imagery? No, no, no, I am NOT including what is essentially Mein Kampf. I am through with this. I can't believe I put up with it for this long. gently caress you, Sir Reginald. gently caress you so hard -- Ed.]  A Hated Gentoo No, wait, I have a better idea. Let's skip to the fall of his precious Empire, and make him suffer through it -- Ed.] Unlike many other monarchies, the Great Empire of the South had successfully navigated the two World Wars by the simple expedient of not fighting. Their great distance from the battlefields of Europe, coupled with their relatively low population density, had allowed them to survive both the economic devastation of the wars themselves and the subsequent rise of the Red Menace.[No, no, skip ahead to where things go bad -- Ed. ] Student riots in the 1960s [Oh, this sounds like it could be good -- Ed.] were kept under control by the simple expedient of public stonings. [gently caress -- Ed.] In the 1970s, pressure from the conservative factions within the government to take a firm stance on the Falklands issue threatened to damage the Empire's strict neutral stance in international affairs. The Emperor refused to budge, leading to instability and calls for abdictation, until the Reagan Administration stepped in and gave Francis Joseph I their vote of confidence. Francis Joseph felt obligated to return the favor when the Gulf War broke out, finally breaking the Iceburg's long-held neutrality.  Francis Joseph I While the Iceburg contribution to the war was token at best, it set a precedent. When the second Iraq War broke out, the Empire, now a committed US ally, was at the forefront of the war effort. This proved problematic at first, as the Imperial forces, not used to fighting in desert climates, struggled to adjust. However, the tide was turning, and a surge of fresh troops was slowly winning the day, when the great Francis Joseph at long last passed away. His son, Karl Franz Joseph Ludwig Hubert Georg Otto Marie von Iceburg, [Double checked this, and yeah, that's his real name. I suspect that Sir Reginald is using it to make him look ridiculous, though -- Ed.] succeeded him. Karl was not half the man his great father was, and promptly betrayed his people by calling for the immediate withdrawal of all Imperial troops from Iraq. No doubt, the fey Karl was gleeful at the thought of all these strapping young men coming back within his vile grasp. [Okay, no. This goes on for... 20 pages? And gets rather, uh, graphic. You know, why are we even publishing this guy? -- Ed.]  Karl Franz Joseph Ludwig Hubert Georg Otto Marie von Iceburg Pressure from the US delayed the planned withdrawal, and as the deadline loomed, anti-war protests became more frequent and virulent. Unlike his father, Karl failed to deal appropriately with the terror tactics of the infantile left, and their growing tumor was allowed to fester. [I guess it's hard not to mix metaphors when you're frothing at the mouth -- Ed.] The Socialists' triumph was achieved in toto in CE 2007, with the now infamous March on the Palace. Opposition leader Reggie Jackson, a traitor to the Empire's cause (.190, 4 HR), took advantage of Karl's lackluster response to the civil disorder and demanded an immediate end to the hostilities overseas. Faced with this opposition, Karl voluntarily abdicated, paving the way for the 'Glorious People's Republic,' or whatever the gently caress they call their stupid country now. [Yeah, I feel a lot better now! -- Ed.]  The March on the Palace 
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Dec 2, 2012 16:27
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If I had a vote, I'd give tatankatonk not only the pick up for grabs in the obituary contest, but another one just for the effort put into his work. That was simply unbelievable.
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Dec 2, 2012 18:43
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EMail from the Ted Sox PAC Subject: Thank You Dear Supporter: We tried our hardest and we have nothing to be ashamed of. We went in to change the Super League and to a certain extent we did. We challenged the system and showed that a team with no offense could still make a go in the Super League. There will be talk of what went wrong, who is to blame, and what to do now but I say to everyone now: Do not look back in despair, rather look forward at how you can change the Super League. If you'd like to contribute to the Ted Sox Victory Fund for Super League IX, please email the Ted Sox PAC. Email from Ted Sox to Pitching Staff WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING gently caress WERE YOU GUYS DOING?! WHY DID I EVER HIRE YOU! I BLAME YOU!!!
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Dec 2, 2012 19:06
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LIVE DRAFT TIME! Here are the list of players! Catchers '53 Yogi Berra (IDA) '34 Gabby Hartnett (IDA) '70 Thurman Munson (RRS) '43 Bill Dickey (PAR) '43 Walker Cooper (MAD) '71 Gene Tenace (POU) '85 Darrell Porter (PAR) '10 Mike Napoli (POU) '90 Brian Harper (RRS) '76 Bob Boone (RRS) '11 Jonathan Lucroy (MAD) '40 Birdie Tebbetts (RRS) '85 Ernie Whitt (VIC) '22 Hank Severeid (VIC '19 Ray Schalk (PAR) First Basemen '62 Willie McCovey (IDA) '11 Prince Fielder (MAD) '89 Mark McGwire (POU) '95 Don Mattingly (RRS) '79 Keith Hernandez (PAR) '22 George Sisler (VIC) '05 Jeff Bagwell (RRS) '99 Fred McGriff (RRS) '28 George Sisler (RRS) '02 Joe Kelley (PAR) '88 Glenn Davis (VIC) '71 Don Mincher (POU) '85 Cecil Fielder (VIC) '91 Sam Horn (IDA) '43 Ray Sanders (MAD) '02 Jake Beckley (PAR) Second Basemen '11 Eddie Collins (POU) '02 Nap Lajoie (PAR) '69 Joe Morgan (IDA) '85 Paul Molitor (RRS) '10 Robinson Cano (VIC) '97 Roberto Alomar (MAD) '60 Nellie Fox (VIC) '10 Ian Kinsler (POU) '68 Dick McAuliffe (RRS) '85 Tom Herr (PAR) '12 Neil Walker (MAD) '22 Marty McManus (VIC) '04 Freddie Sanchez (RRS) '11 Rickie Weeks (MAD) '85 Harold Reynolds (IDA) '53 Billy Martin (IDA) Third Basemen '77 George Brett (PAR) '55 Eddie Yost (RRS) '66 Brooks Robinson (RRS) '71 Sal Bando (POU) '83 Buddy Bell (VIC) '10 Adrian Beltre (POU) '74 Ron Cey (VIC) '53 Gil McDougald (IDA) '43 Whitey Kurowski (MAD) '92 Todd Zeile (RRS) '85 Rance Mulliniks (VIC) '12 Pedro Alvarez (MAD) '06 Maicer Izturis (IDA) Shortstops '01 Alex Rodriguez (POU) '82 Robin Yount (MAD) '82 Robin Yount (RRS) '91 Cal Ripken (IDA) '85 Ozzie Smith (PAR) '10 Michael Young (POU) '19 Charlie Hollocher (RRS) '71 Bert Campaneris (POU) '85 Tony Fernandez (VIC) '74 Bill Russell (RRS) '70 Luis Aparicio (POU) '53 Phil Rizzuto (IDA) Left Fielders '39 Ted Williams (RRS) '43 Stan Musial (MAD) '80 Rickey Henderson (IDA) '10 Josh Hamilton (POU) '11 Ryan Braun (MAD) '78 Dave Parker (RRS) '68 Willie Horton (IDA) '08 Matt Holliday (VIC) '70 Lou Brock (RRS) '85 George Bell (VIC) '22 Ken Williams (VIC) '11 Carl Crawford (RRS) '71 Rick Monday (POU) '86 Jim Rice (VIC) '04 Jose Bautista (RRS) '72 Felipe Alou (RRS) '65 Bob Allison (RRS) '53 Gene Woodling (IDA) Center Fielders '62 Willie Mays (PAR) '53 Mickey Mantle (IDA) '01 Billy Hamilton (PAR) '98 Bernie Williams (RRS) '04 Carlos Beltran (POU) '80 Cesar Cedeno (PAR) '12 Andrew McCutchen (MAD) '02 Sam Crawford (PAR) '19 Max Carey (PAR) '78 Amos Otis (VIC) Right Fielders '58 Al Kaline (VIC) '97 Larry Walker (RRS) '71 Reggie Jackson (POU) '96 Gary Sheffield (MAD) '06 Vladimir Guerrero (IDA) '03 Ichiro Suzuki (VIC) '84 Joe Carter (RRS) '02 Elmer Flick (PAR) '72 Roberto Clemente (IDA) '93 Ellis Burks (RRS) '11 J.D. Drew (RRS) '85 Danny Tartabull (IDA) '11 Corey Hart (MAD) Starting Pitchers '22 Pete Alexander (IDA) '95 Roger Clemens (MAD) '62 Juan Marichal (VIC) '53 Whitey Ford (IDA) '02 Addie Joss (PAR) '66 Steve "Sting" Carlton (IDA) '79 Don Sutton (MAD) '02 Noodles the Pitcher (PAR) '11 Chief Bender (RRS) '71 Catfish Hunter (POU) '96 Kevin Brown (MAD) '91 Mike Mussina (IDA) '85 Dave Stieb (VIC) '84 Rick Sutcliffe (RRS) '68 Mickey Lolich (POU) '86 Rick Reuschel (PAR) '83 Frank Tanana (VIC) '06 Jered Weaver (IDA) '71 Vida Blue (POU) '01 Kid Nichols (PAR) '85 John Tudor (PAR) '11 Yovani Gallardo (MAD) '10 C.J. Wilson (POU) '47 Bob Lemon (MAD) '22 Urban Shocker (VIC) '04 Cy Falkenberg (PAR) '01 Vic Willis (PAR) '70 Tommy John (POU) '95 Jack McDowell (RRS) '11 Doug Fister (VIC) '78 Luis Tiant (VIC) '86 Fernando Valenzuela (PAR) '96 Al Leiter (MAD) '65 Phil Niekro (VIC) '64 Jim Bouton (RRS) '70 Wilbur Wood (POU) '43 Harry Brecheen (MAD) '11 Nap Rucker (PAR) '57 Frank Sullivan (RRS) '53 Ed Lopat (IDA) '34 Waite Hoyt (PAR) '00 Barry Zito (RRS) '99 Barry Zito (MAD) '78 Dennis Leonard (RRS) '43 Howie Pollet (MAD) '91 Mike Flanagan (IDA) '43 Max Lanier (MAD) '72 Steve Kline (RRS) '70 Joe Horlen (POU) '67 Denny Lemaster (RRS) '06 Ervin Santana (IDA) '85 Mike Moore (IDA) Relievers '97 Robb Nen (PAR) '96 Robb Nen (MAD) '85 Tom Henke (VIC) '71 Rollie Fingers (POU) '06 Francisco Rodriguez (IDA) '68 John Hiller (PAR) '81 Jesse Orosco (PAR) '81 Jeff Reardon (PAR) '11 John Axford (MAD) '10 Neftali Feliz (POU) '85 Todd Worrell (PAR) '11 Francisco Rodriguez (MAD) '06 Scot Shields (IDA) '10 David Aardsma (RRS) '10 Alexei Ogando (POU) '10 Darren O'Day (POU) '83 Danny Darwin (VIC) '71 Mudcat Grant (POU) '53 Johnny Sain (IDA) '74 Charlie Hough (RRS) '72 Bob Johnson (VIC) '06 Brandon League (POU) '10 Koji Uehara (MAD) '10 Koji Uehara (POU) '06 J.C. Romero (IDA) '11 Jose Valverde (VIC) '05 Dan Wheeler (RRS) '58 Hank Aguirre (VIC) '11 Jason Grilli (MAD) '53 Bob Kuzava (IDA) '78 Dave LaRoche (VIC) '58 Tom Morgan (VIC) '04 Saloman Torres (RRS) '58 Frank Lary (VIC) '91 Todd Frohwirth (IDA) '92 Rheal Cormier (RRS) '92 Mike Perez (RRS) And here is the draft order: Round 1 1. Catalina (.393) - VACATED! 2. Spokane (.393) 3. Seattle (.436) 4. Florida (.442) 5. New England (.448) 6. Cuba (.454) 7. Venice Beach (.454) - VACATED! 8. Flushing (.470) - VACATED! 9. Philadelphia (.472) 10. San Juan (.479) 11. Oneida (.506) 12. New Orleans (.515) 13. Wausau (.519) 14. Hartford (.528) 15. Cleveland (.540) 16. Albany (.543) 17. Providence (.546) - 2nd Pick of 19th Century Players 18. Web 2.0 (.564) - 1st Pick of 19th Century Players 19. Cancun (.636) Sandwich Round 20. Failures 2X. Elephants Round 2 21. Catalina (.393) - VACATED! 22. Spokane (.393) 23. Seattle (.436) 24. Florida (.442) 25. New England (.448) 26. Cuba (.454) 27. Venice Beach (.454) - VACATED! 28. Flushing (.470) - VACATED! 29. Philadelphia (.472) 30. San Juan (.479) 31. Oneida (.506) 32. New Orleans (.515) 33. Wausau (.519) 34. Hartford (.528) 35. Cleveland (.540) 36. Albany (.543) 37. Providence (.546) 38. Web 2.0 (.564) 39. Cancun (.636) Round 3 40. Catalina (.393) - VACATED! 41. Spokane (.393) 42. Seattle (.436) 43. Florida (.442) 44. New England (.448) 45. Cuba (.454) 46. Venice Beach (.454) - VACATED! 47. Flushing (.470) - VACATED! 48. Philadelphia (.472) 49. San Juan (.479) - VACATED! 50. Oneida (.506) 51. New Orleans (.515) 52. Wausau (.519) 53. Hartford (.528) 54. Cleveland (.540) 55. Albany (.543) 56. Providence (.546) 57. Web 2.0 (.564) 58. Cancun (.636) Okay, this draft officially begins now, but, since it is the first pick, I'll give ManifunkDestiny a bit more time. ManifunkDestiny! You have 24 hours (until 1:00 p.m. Monday CST), to make your first selection before the next owner will have a chance to pick before you.
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Dec 2, 2012 20:10
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Here is the link to the google doc. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AkF311T6qtJidFJyZDFJNGpjRFllVG80MzFmTWJGQVE#gid=0 Feel free to use it or not. If no one else updates it, I will be keeping it as up to date as I possibly can. Please don't be a dick and mess around with the formatting. However, feel free to be a dick in the Comments/Notes section.
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Dec 2, 2012 20:15
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Team Name: Coburns Team Logo:  Home City: Fort Sumner, New Mexico Home Stadium: the Ring of Iron (Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, 330/385/402/385/330 [final dimensions]) 28-Man Roster: C Jorge Posada (1997) C Don Slaught (1983) UT George Brett (1983) 2B Ryne Sandberg (1985) 2B Rod Carew (1975) SS Derek Eater (1997) SS Barry Larkin (1987) 3B Mike Schmidt (1978) 4C Mel Ott (1933?) [from the Juggs - I don't have archives, sorry; if so he's from Deadwood, and that's funny] LF Ted Williams (1939?) [Draft info says '39, cbx says '55? {from the Sharks}] CF Bernie Williams (1997) OF Brian Giles (1995) OF Eric Davis (1987) UT Willie Stargell (1965) SP Bert Blyleven (1975) SP Greg Maddux (1993) SP Luis Tiant (1966) SP Clifton Lee (2004) SP Tom Seaver (1984) [old, but after a year like that...] SP Mike Garcia (1954) SP Orel Hershiser (1995) SW Sonny Siebert (1966) RP Tom HEN-KE (1992) RP Goose Gossage (1984) RP Jeff Reardon (1981) RP John Franco (1987) RP Bill Campbell (1975) RP Paul Assenmacher (1995) Lineups: 2B Rod Carew RF Mel Ott LF Ted Williams 3B Mike Schmidt 1B George Brett CF Bernie Williams C Jorge Posada SS Derek Jeter C Don Slaught (catches for Tiante) 2B Ryne Sandberg SS Barry Larkin OF Eric Davis UT Willie Stargell OF Brian Giles Pitching Rotation: SP Greg Maddux SP Bert Blyleven SP Cliff Lee SP Luis Tiant SP Tom Seaver CL Tom Henke SU Goose Gossage SR Jeff Reardon SR John Franco MR Bill Campbell LR Mike Garcia Strategy (Rate on a scale from -5 to +5) Hit and Run: -2 Sacrifice Bunt: -4 Squeeze Play: -3 Trying for extra bases: -2 Stealing Bases: -1 Aggressively Tagging Up: -1 Pitch Outs (to prevent stolen bases): -2 Giving Intentional Walks: -3 Pitching Around Good Hitters: +1 Bringing the Infield In: -2 Guarding the Lines: +1 Making Cutoff Throws: +1 Bringing in Pinch Hitters: -2 Bringing in Pinch Runners: +1 Bringing in Defensive Replacements: +1 Starting Pitchers on Short Rest: +1 Letting pitchers pitch throw trouble: -1 Letting Pitchers rack up high pitch counts: +2 I held to the Radbourns hitters/Comanchero pitcher rubric, with three second-tier exceptions, if you don't object. I like Rod Carew and Brian Giles, and John Franco is always fun.
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Dec 2, 2012 20:25
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Please remember to announce your picks in this thread as well as mark them in the doc, so there's no confusion, thanks!
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Dec 2, 2012 20:26
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  : Greetings, my name is Mark Bellhorn, and welcome to the main event of Super-League VII. The following is a career vs. career series scheduled for the best-five-out-of-nine games, with the loser of the contest being retired forever.Introducing first, the challengers, they are the unified Television and Heavyweight Champions, they are four-time Senor Goodtimes Champions, they are the two-time defending Smasher League Champions, and they are the Champions of Super-League VI and Super-League VII. From the city of Chicago, and living in a state of Mark Grace, they are your Chicago Bobbleheads!   : And you've just heard from Mark Bellhorn that the Bobbleheads have won a lot of titles over the years, but this is definitely going to be their stiffest test. I'm Jack McDowell, and welcome the 3rd Commissar's Cup Challenge.  : And I'm Eri Yoshida, and these Bobbleheads had the best season in Super-League history, winning 108 games and...um...sweeping us out of the playoffs in the first round. : They went through the playoffs with an 11-1 record, it's not like anyone was capable of stopping them: That's true, but the opponent they'll be facing today is far deadlier than anything the Bobbleheads have faced before, and most people seem to think that there's not much chance of them surviving. : And with good reason, and it looks like the Macho Men are ready to make their entrance.: And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, these are the Macho Men, : And they need no further introduction. They killed the Skyhawks, they killed the Doppel-Bangers, can they kill the Bobbleheads? To find out, we're now joined by Mark Grace, owner of the Bobbleheads. Mark, do you think the Bobbleheads can beat the Macho Men? : No loving idea.: Okay, do you have any reason to think that you can win this series?: I don't know, we win a lot of games, so I'm hoping that carries over. : ...Have you been drinking?: On the advice of my counsel, I must refuse comment so that the Disco Attorney doesn't file more charges.: Do you mean the "District Attorney?": I don't know...maybe.: Right, well, that was...terrible. How the gently caress did we lose to the Bobbleheads in the playoffs? drat it. Anyway, we've got a sideline reporter with Macho Men owner Smasher Dynamo and...who's our sideline reporter again?: Well, you didn't tell me who I had to hire so...: Oh, no...: I picked the most adorable sportsjournalist ever! And we now go live to Johnny Hopp, who's with Smasher, Johnny? :... : ...:...: ...:...: ...:...: ... You and I are brothers now, Johnny Hopp.: Okay, well, this is going downhill fast, fortunately, it's time for the games to begin, and, as per tradition, the Bobbleheads will host the first six games of the series, with the series moving to the Macho Men's homefield only for the last three games. The DH will be used in all nine games.: And the first six games will be played in Wrigley Field. Built in 1914, Wrigley Field has never hosted a World Series Champion, despite being the second-oldest stadium in existence. That's very sad. : And we're ready to begin! Greg Maddux will take the mound for the Bobbleheads and...he'll open the series with a shutout win for the Bobbleheads!: Bad start for the Macho Men, and Harmon Killebrew is hurt, and will have to miss a few games.: Well, at least that will allow the Macho Men to shore up their defense a bit.: That's true, because while the Macho Men are solid defensively up the middle, with two Dick Allen and Killebrew, their outside defense isn't very good at all.  : And the Macho Men return to form with a solid 8-5 win in Game 2, not a great game from Alexander, but he did what he needed to, and the Macho Men even up the series.: It looks like Freddie Lindstrom, filling in for Killebrew had a surprisingly good game with a home run and a double, and you figure that Smasher Dynamo is happy about that. In fact, let's see if our cute little sideline reporter can find out about that, Johnny?:...: ...Why?  : Game 3 now, and it's a close game, tied in the ninth, with Wilbur Wood on the mound for the Macho Men facing Alex Rodriguez in a 1-1 game.: And this is pretty risky, as Wilbur Wood is a left-handed knuckleball pitcher facing an elite power hitter in a very small park...and the wind is blowing out to center. This might not end well, Jack.: No, it's not...here's the pitch, and A-Rod will easily crush that knuckler for a long home run to end this game. Bobbleheads win! And they have a 2-1 series lead!: And that just goes to show you how weak the Macho Men bullpen is. I'm sure that Smasher would have liked to have put a better pitcher out there, but he simply doesn't have a lot of good arms in his bullpen.: And the Bobbleheads are off to a great start, and let's see if they can keep it going. : Game 4, and Maddux is up again thanks to days off, and he'll manage to go another seven innings without giving up an earned run to the Macho Men.: That is probably very frustrating to Smasher, because Maddux will almost definitely get one more start in this series, and the Bobbleheads now have a 3-1 series lead.: The Bobbleheads are definitely having a great start to the series, and they will only have to win twice more in the next five games to become the first team ever to defeat the Macho Men.: You wonder if maybe Mark Grace doesn't have the right idea in shortening his rotation to make sure that only his best starters pitch in the series. After all, Jim Bunning has not historically been very good in these series, and it might be best just to give his starts to Alexander or Ryan.: It is definitely something worth considering, and Smasher is signalling that he's going to bring in Carl Hubbell to pitch Game 5 of this series, and you know that Smasher has a lot of faith in the Meal Ticket to set things right for the Macho Men.: Hubbell is a left-hander pitcher with a breaking ball that's effective against righties, and he's got great control. It's a devastating combination. : ...And we'll pick things up in the ninth, game tied, 0-0, Hubbell has pitched an incredible game, but has been matched by Schilling. : But Schilling is tired, and Mel Ott is at the plate, and this might be a good time to give the ball to a left-handed reliever, because Ott can hurt you in these situations.: And...Ott will get ahold of a Schilling fastball, and the Macho Men take a 1-0 lead!: It's so hard to know when it's time to take a pitcher out. Schilling hadn't given up a run all day, but it's pretty clear, with hindsight, that he probably shouldn't have been allowed to pitch to Ott.: Smasher's going to stick with Hubbell in the bottom of the ninth, and he takes the Bobbleheads down in order to complete the shutout, and the Macho Men have cut the Bobbleheads' series lead to 3-2 with only one game left at Wrigley Field. Mark Grace can't be happy he let that game get away, but he's going to stick with the three man rotation he's been using, and will give Jason Schmidt another start in Game 6. : Macho Men will take Game 6, and they'll go back to their home stadium with the series tied 3-3.: The Macho Men lineup is so good at wearing down starters, and they drew five walks in five innings from Schmidt, which fueled the Macho Men's victory. : And that's good enough for the Macho Men make sure they have home field advantage over what has effectively become a best-of-three series.  : And the series will now move to the Macho Men's home stadium, which is said to be located in New York, but is, in reality, anchored in realm beyond time, beyond space, beyond all that is comprehensible to man. It is a place where great battles can be fought, free of the ties of base reality.  : And Greg Maddux throws another shutout, and that's 25 innings in this series without giving up a single earned run!: More importantly, that gives the Bobbleheads' their fourth win of the series, and if they can win just once over the next two games, they'll become the first team to ever beat the Macho Men.: Which, of course, raises the question of what would happen if a team ever did beat the Macho Men. Smasher Dynamo has never been clear on the consequences, but with his Macho Men on the brink, he has to be worrying about it right now.: One piece of good news, though, is that Greg Maddux will not pitch again in this series, which has to be a huge relief to the Macho Men at this point. : As we pick things up in the seventh, the Bobbleheads have a 7-4 lead, and if they can just hold on...: Wait...the Macho Men are starting to rally...: And they'll pick up five late-inning runs! The final score is 9-8 Macho Men! And there will be a decisive Game 9!: Jason Schmidt will get the start for the Bobbleheads, and it looks like Smasher Dynamo is going to trust Jim Bunning to handle things on his end.: Not sure why Smasher is taking Bunning over Hubbell, but I'm sure he has his reasons....and let's ask him. Smasher, why are you going with Bunning as your Game 9 starter?: Because Jim Bunning blocked unanimous consent to appoint Hubbell as the Game 9 starter. : Is that a joke about Bunning's time as a U.S. Senator?: Yeah, well, listen, it's been a long season, this series has gone nine games, and my team might actually lose, so I'm out of good jokes, okay? : And we'll pick things up in the top of the ninth, the game tied 5-5, and it all comes down to this.: And there's a big advantage to the Bobbleheads here, because they're bullpen is much deeper than the Macho Men's.: Goose Gossage on the mound for the Macho Men, and they're going with their closer early. Grace up first...and it's a pop-out! Ruth up now...another pop-out! And finally Josh Hamilton is going to be down on strikes, and Goose Gossage has somehow gotten an easy 1-2-3 inning against three great left-handed hitters. : That's great, but the Macho Men are using their best reliever now, and that means that if this game goes more than a couple more innings, they'll have to turn to a much weaker reliever.: Craig Lefferts on the mound for the Bobbleheads, and he's going to get an easy inning of his own, and we'll head to the 10th inning of this winner-take-all game.: And Lefferts will probably handle the left-handed Ott to lead off the bottom of the tenth, but then Mark Grace will be able to turn to Rivera or Gossage. This is not good for the Macho Men.: Top of the tenth, and Gossage will give up a leadoff walk to A-Rod. Battles back and...strikeout against Gary Sheffield. One on, one out, and Gossage...walks Brian Giles. Runners at first and second with one out, and Smasher Dynamo is....not warming up anyone in his bullpen.: There's no one else he can trust to handle this, unfortunately. : Gossage tries to get himself together, and he...will strike out Rudy York, but he is getting tired out there. Charlie Gehringer up and he...hit a long fly ball, this could go...but no! Killebrew manages to get to it on the warning track, and that will retire the side!: And Gossage is already at 31 pitches, and you wonder if he can even go another inning.: Lefferts back out to deal with Mel Ott, and he'll strike out Ott on three pitches.: And Lefferts can probably come out now.: No, it looks like he's going to stay in there, and he'll get a groundout from Killebrew. Two outs now.: I don't have a good feeling about this.: Jackson with a single, and the inning will continue.: Okay, Lefferts should come out now!: Bill Terry with a walk, and runners at first and second with two outs, and Dick Allen up at the plate. Allen is a right-handed hitter, and so he matches up pretty well against the left-handed Lefferts.: Come on, Mark Grace, don't do this! It's too risky! Bring in Gossage! Bring in Rivera! Don't let Lefferts stay out there! Allen will kill him!: First pitch...and it's strike one, as Allen takes a fastball.: I'm begging you, Mark, you can still change this, it doesn't have to end this! Please, take out Lefferts! I'm begging you!: Lefferts with another fastball, and Allen won't let this one get by him, he hits the ball hard down the third-base line, and here comes Travis Jackson rounding third. Brian Giles' throw to home is...not in time! Jackson scores! Macho Men win! Macho Men win! And we have just seen the final end of the Chicago Bobbleheads.: WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! : And I'm standing by with the owner of the still undefeated Macho Men, Smasher, your thoughts?: It was definitely a closer series than I would have liked, but the Macho Men still showed that even if you win 108 games in the Super-League, you are still not good enough to beat the Macho Men. And now all that's left is to put the Bobbleheads in the dead team section...and write them an obit. gently caress! gently caress! gently caress! gently caress! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! Another loving obit? Holy gently caress, I should have killed your team harder, blakelmenakle, I should have killed it so hard that it didn't even need an obit! gently caress!
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Dec 3, 2012 01:49
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Bloody close game! That's the closest ever isn't it?
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Dec 3, 2012 02:00
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Well, maybe I don't feel so ashamed of getting swept in the finals now. If the Bobbleheads were good enough to take the Macho Men to the literal brink of elimination, they were just that drat good.Cthulhu Dreams posted:Bloody close game! That's the closest ever isn't it? ToiletofSadness fucked around with this message at 02:05 on Dec 3, 2012 |
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Dec 3, 2012 02:03
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The almighty Macho Men almost stumbled. We can be sure it won't happen anytime again but as a will of good gesture the Macho Men can use the remains of the Emperors to bolster their squad unless anyone objects (or there are just worthless pieces in my former team, which may be quite likely). Make these undead remains proud.
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Dec 3, 2012 02:06
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I wish I could tell you that Mark fought the good fight, and the Macho Men let him be. I wish I could tell you that. But the Super League is no fairy tale world.
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Dec 3, 2012 02:07
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Whoa #1 draft pick, nifty. Uh....can we see the overall ratings on these guys? Or any ideas on who plays the best in BBM? Especially, SP, C and 3B?
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Dec 3, 2012 04:37
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ManifunkDestiny posted:Whoa #1 draft pick, nifty. If you're set on taking those positions, then Pete Alexander, Roger Clemens, Yogi Berra, and George Brett should be the only people you even consider taking. You can go back and check their ratings in past thread updates if you really want to, but their stats speak for themselves I feel like. Paul Zuvella fucked around with this message at 04:43 on Dec 3, 2012 |
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Dec 3, 2012 04:40
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ManifunkDestiny posted:Whoa #1 draft pick, nifty. Smasher has ordered them from the top down at each position, quality-wise, according to his opinion. Overall ratings aren't necessarily going to reflect how well they do. Pete Alexander, for instance, probably rates out in the mid 80s but he's a Super-League ace.
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Dec 3, 2012 04:59
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| # ? May 14, 2024 16:16 |
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 With the first pick of the draft, the Spokane Air Raids select 3B George Brett http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6hu4aLXv7U
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Dec 3, 2012 05:06
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