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The sickest burn ever (that may not have happened) came from the Prime Minister of Australia.Gough Whitlam posted:When Sir Winton Turnbull [of the Country Party] was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: "I am a Country member", I interjected "I remember". He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.
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Dec 21, 2012 07:47
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 20:14 |
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quote:Near the cider stand, I passed an evangelist who had been yelping about how we're all going to hell for the past hour or so, to general apathy. Then I noticed an old man standing beside him. He was taking off his pants. His shirt was already off. Yeah, okay   huh. 
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Dec 21, 2012 09:17
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Tremendous Taste posted:"I can't," said the old man cheerily. "It's in my pants." I don't get it, I mean I think it's an 'in my other pants joke', but I presume those are his pants near his feet and the story has no mention of them being removed so why couldn't he fetch his ID?
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Dec 21, 2012 10:29
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Are these nutbags really trying to pass this bullshit off as true? Or do they acknowledge that it's fiction and are just try to one-up each other?
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Dec 21, 2012 11:24
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Maybe they just came up with a story to explain the photo, as one does.
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Dec 21, 2012 15:41
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Namarrgon posted:Well in the story it is an intern though. While the rules aren't really enforced nowadays, it actually is illegal to have an (unpaid) intern do your menial jobs. Yeah this whole story is just "I broke a bunch of labour laws and when someone pointed it out to me I fired them."
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Dec 21, 2012 16:59
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From a local paper I got at a Subway-I WITNESSED A MIRACLE... a true story! posted:The day started out like any normal day; but that would change dramatically.
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Dec 22, 2012 00:40
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MariusLecter posted:From a local paper I got at a Subway- Why is miracle capitalized every single time? Holy poo poo that's irritating.
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Dec 22, 2012 01:42
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And that baby was Albert Einstein.
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Dec 22, 2012 01:57
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sharktamer posted:And that baby was Albert Einstein. No more. NO MORE
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Dec 22, 2012 02:00
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sharktamer posted:And that baby was Albert Einstein. Edit: never mind, then Too soon? Aleph Null has a new favorite as of 02:29 on Dec 22, 2012 |
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Dec 22, 2012 02:09
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Aleph Null posted:Too soon? If you have to ask this, you know it's not funny or clever in any way.
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Dec 22, 2012 02:13
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Jummy posted:If you have to ask this, you know it's not funny or clever in any way. He must have meant to post that in the meme thread then.
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Dec 22, 2012 02:17
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MariusLecter posted:From a local paper I got at a Subway- I like that the first reaction is to go find a priest and not a doctor. Is there a time limit on baptism after a baby dies? Like, does it not take if you wait too long?
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Dec 22, 2012 02:20
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"Dear local newspaper, I never thought it would happen to me..."
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Dec 22, 2012 03:17
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nightchild12 posted:I like that the first reaction is to go find a priest and not a doctor. Is there a time limit on baptism after a baby dies? Like, does it not take if you wait too long? Her first reaction was to lay the dead baby across her lap and wait for her other child to come home instead of immediately rushing the baby to the hospital at the first sign of distress.
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Dec 22, 2012 03:28
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God: Well Jeremy, it seems like you died before you could be baptized. However, unfortunately the priest arrived and baptized you 35.6 minutes after you passed, and the statute of limitations for post-mortem baptism is only 30 minutes. *presses a big red button on his desk* *trapdoor opens in floor, diapered infant falls screaming into limbo*
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Dec 22, 2012 04:19
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Babies sometimes stop breathing and then start again spontaneously. So, congrats on your baby doing a normal baby thing and it being a capital M Miracle.
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Dec 22, 2012 05:12
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I think I've got to leave the thread. Sure, reading Internet ToughPersons rendering wicked-sick bon-mot burns unto their enemies started off all giggles, but now it's become depressingly clear that these stories are windows into dull, small and sad people's minds. The absolute worst are the Elder Fulthark/Voice Actor ones, I mean, come on, get some help, get off the internet 
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Dec 22, 2012 08:25
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I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want?
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Dec 22, 2012 11:26
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? In my experience rather than getting angry they just start trying to get stuff for free out of you. "Sorry, we don't have anchovies." "Well, don't you think that should bring the price down? I mean I'm the customer and you don't have what I want..."
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Dec 22, 2012 12:56
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? I worked in a bingo hall for a year and yes, that stuff happened. Bingo is serious loving business, so it's a bit different from retail, I suppose. That said, I don't have any sick burn stories because the policy was to apologize once, then if they went on shrug and tell them to deal with it. We had other customers to serve, who'd probably all have the same complaints anyway.
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Dec 22, 2012 14:23
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? I've seen people start freaking out in shops when they can't return their product due to not having a receipt or it was bought from another branch of the shop and they don't stock it there. Basically the Customer Service lines in Argos usually have a few angry people in them, even more so at Christmas time.
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Dec 22, 2012 15:39
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Professor Shark posted:In my experience rather than getting angry they just start trying to get stuff for free out of you. Bring the price of what down? The anchovies that you don't have? That's an easy complaint to solve.
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Dec 22, 2012 15:58
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3524111 This is like peak stdh.
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Dec 22, 2012 16:35
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Cotato posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3524111 and not surprisingly lapped up.
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Dec 22, 2012 16:59
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Pilchenstein posted:Bring the price of what down? The anchovies that you don't have? That's an easy complaint to solve. Pizza place that I worked at one summer while lifeguarding during the day- they wanted a discount since we didn't have anchovies. They said that they knew the owner after I told them that I couldn't do that, at which point my boss just took the phone from me, spoke to them for a minute, then hung up. It turns out that they were some local radio host (the call wasn't on air, he was just being a dick ordering lunch). People would try to use their local celebrity all the time to try and get free stuff- one guy was a successful real-estate agent (posters around town at bus-stops) who would ask us to make pizzas then tell us the owner said he didn't have to pay for them. He tried it once on me and I point blank told him I couldn't do that or else I'd lose my job, so he huffed and puffed then paid. About a week later my boss told me while we were working that if I see Real Estate guy come in not to serve him or even talk to him, as he'd got one of the girls working the other night and refused to pay. Customers are dumb, but from my experience conflict always seemed to end with a whimper rather than a bang. Edit: ^^^ But entertaining! Edit 2: Grammar Professor Shark has a new favorite as of 17:57 on Dec 22, 2012 |
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Dec 22, 2012 17:54
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? Usually, they do just try to get extra stuff, coupons, discounts, free items, and so forth. We had a woman come in the other day and try to exchange all of her Black Friday purchases, then buy them back for what she thought were going to be lower prices. When I told her that wasn't possible, she asked nicely for my manager, then proceeded to lambaste her. "It's not fair!!!" But no, I have never had a customer swear at me, including the woman I had once who kept calling me a racist and saying that I had somehow insinuated she was a thief. P.S. She was totally a thief, though, as we found out later.
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Dec 22, 2012 19:34
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? I've been working retail for five years (kill me), and usually it's whiney or saying they won't shop there anymore. Once I had an old man flip out and say that I was loving worthless and a waste of space because we didn't have the kind of lighter he wants, with a young bimbo with him egging him on. Instead of unleashing a witty bon mot, however, I bibbled while he was there and then cried when my manager came in. Real life blows.
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Dec 22, 2012 19:39
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axolotl farmer posted:I have never worked retail, but does it ever happen that regular people just start cursing and threatening everyone around them when they can't get the beverage the want? I've had people ask me if I'm sure we don't have X. I work at a Barnes and Noble cafe; the space is about the size of my room at home, I'm pretty sure I know what we have back here. Also, since we're not owned by Starbucks we can't take Starbucks cards (despite selling their coffee). I've had people swear when they find out they can't use their card, but it's usually not aimed at me. Did have one guy say that he wouldn't become a Barnes and Noble member because we could take his Starbucks card. I couldn't have cared less.
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Dec 22, 2012 19:41
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Pester posted:I've been working retail for five years (kill me), and usually it's whiney or saying they won't shop there anymore. Once I had an old man flip out and say that I was loving worthless and a waste of space because we didn't have the kind of lighter he wants, with a young bimbo with him egging him on. Instead of unleashing a witty bon mot, however, I bibbled while he was there and then cried when my manager came in. Real life blows. Ahh, you reminded me! That happened to me once, too! Apparently, I am "loving useless" because our store didn't have gift boxes and she was offended by my suggestion that she cross the street to Walgreens where they have loads of gift-wrapping stuff. And I cried. Like a bitch. Okay, but that was seriously the only time. And now, an actual story: customers_suck posted:I once worked for a marketing research firm in the Galleria in Birmingham, AL. I was working on a research project, doing telephone based surveys around the San Antonio, TX area. Anyway I was having a good productive day at work, when suddenly this one guy answers the phone. I tell him like all the others that I am not attempting to sell him anything, but before I can get anything else out of my mouth he starts shouting and screaming uncontrollably, saying poo poo like "Do you know who I am? How dare you!!" and poo poo like that. Anyway, after 5-10 minutes of screaming and belittling me over the telephone he hangs up. However, being slightly vengeful I recorded his phone number. That evening upon getting home I visited a usenet group for phreakers and posted the number for everyone to do with as they wish. I wonder what happened after that... Sure you did, buddy.
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Dec 22, 2012 19:51
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I've had a couple of screamy, sweary customers, but like most people here, I barely held it together and then had a cry out back as soon as they were gone. A chap did throw a (still packaged) sandwich at me when I told him I had to charge him VAT to eat in.
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Dec 22, 2012 20:05
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Cotato posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3524111 I can't believe anyone is buying that.
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Dec 22, 2012 20:10
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There are some really crazy angry people out there though. Guy came in the other day because the BlackBerry Playbook he bought a couple months ago stopped powering on. We have a 14 day return policy on tablets, and he didn't purchase the in-store extended service, so I told him I couldn't do anything for him, he had to contact RIM. He didn't take that we'll and started ranting, so I offer to look up the phone number for him. While I'm googling, he starts swearing to other customers, then throws the tablet on the floor. At that point I just ask him to leave, and he did. And that surprised me. I guess he realised he went over the line, or he figured I wasn't going to do anything he could use against me. I've had other customers similarly angry through out my career in different jobs, but none of them have ever gotten physical or had to have police called like in so many of these stdh stories, and never any pithy comebacks or applause. Makes me kinda sad.
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Dec 22, 2012 20:21
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bringmyfishback posted:I can't believe anyone is buying that. You see, its so crazy and unbelievable that it must be real! You cant make this poo poo up!
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Dec 22, 2012 21:11
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3523972 I'm not sure guys but I think this might be poo poo that didn't happen too!
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Dec 22, 2012 21:31
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^^^ Like fish in a barrel. Anyway, more miracles: All Handicapped People Go to Heaven posted:So yesterday at costco there was this very much so disabled man who was having a hard time people were just sitting there watching him so me being the kind and compassionate person I got up helped him and asked him if there was anything else he needed help with, when I returned to my seat my little sister said she wants to be just like me and help people when she gets older. When I looked back over to where the man sat and he had disappeared his cart was still there but there was no sign of him, could he have been an angel? I don't know but I got an amazing vibe from him What was even the problem he was having? Whatever it was, I suppose it was good that he was assisted so he could take the Ramp to Heaven, for that's the only way to explain it.
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Dec 22, 2012 22:06
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Tea Party Crasher posted:So yesterday at costco there was this very much so disabled man who was having a hard time people were just sitting there watching him so me being the kind and compassionate person I got up helped him and asked him if there was anything else he needed help with, when I returned to my seat my little sister said she wants to be just like me and help people when she gets older. When I looked back over to where the man sat and he had disappeared his cart was still there but there was no sign of him, could he have been an angel? I don't know but I got an amazing vibe from him Who just sits around in a costco? Like this guy forgot where the made up story was taking place mid way through writing it.
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Dec 22, 2012 22:10
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Konar posted:Who just sits around in a costco? Like this guy forgot where the made up story was taking place mid way through writing it. The people who eat in the lovely cafeteria 
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Dec 22, 2012 22:13
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 20:14 |
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When I worked retail at a pet store I had a few customers who were crazy and would tear into you for things. I had one guy go bonkers at me and call me names because he'd already written a check for his dog grooming service from the quote the groomers gave him, and the real total had tax added and he didn't want to write another check. However, instead of wittily putting them in their place the manager just usually took over, pandered to their tantrums, and gave them what they wanted. In that case, the guy got his grooming for free. I have a feeling that's what happens in the majority of these stdh. 
Kerafyrm has a new favorite as of 22:41 on Dec 22, 2012 |
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Dec 22, 2012 22:36
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