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Rurutia fucked around with this message at 23:00 on Feb 2, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 22:40
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Benny the Snake posted:You know, I was on my way to put in time at my internship. Then I realized that the route I usually take over to the office changes on weekends. So I'm standing there at the stop. Wondering how am I going to explain to Jon, the field manager of the campaign, why I was late. Then I started thinking if I can even put on a straight face and put in time. It sounds like you've made some choices about your situation. I'd advise you to stop with the comparisons, stop all the hate and disgust for yourself and your family. There will always be someone better or worse off than you. You clearly aren't happy with your life at the moment, you need to take some time to think about what you want to change and how you'll change that. Learn to accept the things you can't change (possibly your family) and decide what you'll make of that and change the things you can't accept.
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Feb 2, 2013 22:43
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Guys I just want to make clear that it's not the religion. At least, not so much that. It's that Mom's a broken person. That she's been abused as a kid. And that her beligerence is a product of that. If it sounds like I'm being apoligistic, it's because I know there are perfectly wonderful people who go to their church. I don't want to paint that it's the relgion so much as it is the person. But right now my uncle's comming down to get me. I'm really scared that now this whole thing is going to spill out into the extended family. We're all close. And I don't want a feud to start. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 08:29 on Feb 6, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 22:53
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Benny the Snake posted:Guys I just want to make clear that it's not the religion. At least, not so much that. It's that Mom's a broken person. That she's been abused as a kid. And that her beligerance is a product of that. If it sounds like I'm being apoligistic, it's because I know there are perfectly wonderful people who go to their church. I don't want to paint that it's the relgion so much as it is the person. Just focus on taking it one step at a time here. Go to your uncle's, talk it over, get some rest.
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Feb 2, 2013 22:53
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Well I definitely did not see that one coming. You are still morally in the right though, if that helps for your mental state.
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Feb 2, 2013 23:57
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Benny the Snake posted:
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Feb 3, 2013 01:33
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As I said earlier, if it's really gotten that bad, and it has, do not rule out going to a shelter if it becomes necessary. Most shelters, at least where I live, are religious-based, so you'll be under most of the same restrictions... but they'll let you move your things somewhere else instead of insisting that you destroy them, they'll help you get a job, and most importantly, you'll no longer be in an environment where you feel threatened and unable to live with the people therein. I've lived in shelters, so if you have any questions, feel free to PM me if you have plat; if not, I'll post my email address. And I'm glad you realized you can't deal with this anymore. Trying to force yourself to would only have led to much, much greater issues later. You have made the right choice.
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Feb 3, 2013 02:05
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Why is everyone up in arms over this woman hitting her adult son? OP seems decent enough, but his brother is a fucker.
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Feb 3, 2013 04:35
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Jizznastics posted:Why is everyone up in arms over this woman hitting her adult son? OP seems decent enough, but his brother is a fucker. If I were physically abused by someone who let me use their credit card I'd probably run it up too.
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Feb 3, 2013 04:50
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Well I'm sitting here at my Uncle Jim's place. After some discussion, he helped me see the light. As much as it was wrong for my mom to hit Danny, Jim pointed out that there is no equality between us and our parents. They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits. And to call Mom out on assault when she insists she'll do the same if me and Danny scrap is bull. I'm not their judge, their equal, or their friend. I'm their son, first and foremost. The big thing that I realized is just how much despair Mom's going thru. Dad's receiving unemployment benifits. He refused a really great job offer from Jim. He's a prideful jackass. Me and Danny don't have a job and we're taking advantage of the living situation. When it comes down to it, what's making Mom crazy is that she, not Dad, is the breadwinner. She's the one providing the most income in a family of three grown men. And that is shameful. What happened between Danny and Mom was theirs and theirs alone. I over-reacted to that situation. I panicked. I felt my situation was threatened. And as much as it was, I took it out of proportion. I'm panicky by nature. I'm also too emphatic by nature. Danny's got his own issues. Their issue should be handled between the two of them. The best thing I should do when I see her tomorrow is negotiate a tennant-landlord agreement. Where I'd contribute more a month in excange for my own space. My space would be respected, and my items and belongings are mine and mine alone to touch. I'm not sure how it would go, but I'm pretty sure I can convince Mom of this arangement since she desperately needs more financial support. That's my plan when I get back. If I want to be respected as an adult, I have to take more responsibility. I'll double the rate I'm paying a month. Once I get a job, I'll pay half the going rate of renting a room out a month. If it means peace, I'll be willing to do it. It's time I stop taking advantage and acting like an immature manchild and step up my responsibility. And all it took was help from someone close that I look up to. Jim's a great guy. He's hard working, loves his family, and he's hospitable to a fault. He drove twenty miles to get me and he treated me to dinner at a restaraunt. I love him. And I thank him for giving me some much needed perspective. No nuclear options, no threats, no leverage. Just responsibility and comprimise. I guess all I have left is to find a drat job. My aunt reccomended the National Corps. I'll look into that. I'll get back to you goons after me and Mom negotiate. 'Till then, thanks so much.
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Feb 3, 2013 04:51
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Benny the Snake posted:As much as it was wrong for my mom to hit Danny, Jim pointed out that there is no equality between us and our parents. They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits. And to call Mom out on assault when she insists she'll do the same if me and Danny scrap is bull. I'm not their judge, their equal, or their friend. I'm their son, first and foremost. WHAT? No, Jim is loving retarded. It is never okay for your mother to hit you, NEVER. Jesus Christ this is the worst advice ever. The best thing you can do is get the gently caress out of that house.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:05
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Seconding that it is not in ANY way acceptable for your parents to hit either you or your brother. It does not matter how much of a poo poo he was being, it's not okay that she hit him. Don't listen to this guy at all, he's literally justifying assault.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:13
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Don't pay your mom a dime of rent she doesn't ask for. Save your money and spend it on rent at a place that isn't awful. He is absolutely wrong and you have the absolute right not to get hit by others in the place you live. Your uncle sounds like an interesting dude you should have him post his opinion on these here forums. Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 05:14
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Benny the Snake posted:As much as it was wrong for my mom to hit Danny, Jim pointed out that there is no equality between us and our parents. They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits. And to call Mom out on assault when she insists she'll do the same if me and Danny scrap is bull. I'm not their judge, their equal, or their friend. I'm their son, first and foremost. You may be their son, but you're still an adult. Danny is still an adult. Despite whose house it is and whose rules you have to follow, the four of you should be able to have a conversation that doesn't involve your mother hitting either you or Danny. That's complete bullshit, and you and your brother both deserve to be safe and not worry about physical confrontations like this.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:19
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Benny the Snake posted:I'll double the rate I'm paying a month. What are you paying today?
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Feb 3, 2013 05:33
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ignore me
312 fucked around with this message at 05:44 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 05:36
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Benny the Snake posted:When it comes down to it, what's making Mom crazy is that she, not Dad, is the breadwinner. She's the one providing the most income in a family of three grown men. And that is shameful. Don't fall for this sexist bullshit. It sucks to be the sole breadwinner supporting 4 adults, no matter if the breadwinner is a man or a woman. Your mom may actually feel this way, but it shouldn't really mean anything to you because it is wrong. Others are already commenting on how your uncle is wrong, I just wanted to point out this gross old-fashioned wrong way of thinking.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:43
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312 posted:ignore me So you are saying this guy is a child right? e: drat me for reading that entire UN article about rights of a child before posting.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:46
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Darth123123 posted:So you are saying this guy is a child right? I don't see why the rights outlined in the declaration should end at some arbitrary age. Seems pretty universal. e: I took out a link similar to http://www.unicef.org/lac/spbarbados/Legal/global/General/declaration_child1959.pdf which doesn't seem to specify a age.
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Feb 3, 2013 05:49
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Benny the Snake posted:-I haven't asked anybody in my political internship for job positions. I've just started and I only know a handful of people: the fundraiser, the field manager, the candidate, the PR handler, and another intern. This is a special election and we're in the primary mode. I talked to Jon, the feild manager, and he told me we're going to fly under the radar untill the primaries are over and we know wether we're going to see the big show. I'm waiting untill more people come in and/or I actually have put in enough time and expirence to where I show that I'm a hard worker. If you guys think it's best, I'll start networking and asking for jobs right now. OP, Are you with an agency or committee? D or R? Answering these two questions and giving no further information won't do you any harm as far as internet detective work is concerned. Aside from those two questions, don't post another word about the campaign. Obviously, I'm an internet person, so my advice holds no credibility. If you don't wanna answer, that's fine, but I'll be honest, I'm dying to know. I don't even need names, just Agency/Committee? : D/R? Start networking You're on board very early and things are gonna move fast, if you make it past the primary. Your contributions will likely triple, within a week and paid positions will likely spring up left and right. If you can learn about the campaign's structure early on, they'll likely consult you once they need to on-board new hires. You know people in high positions. Ask them tons of questions and be sure you're the one they think of when they need to fill a new position. Ask for jobs, right now! Do as much work for them as possible. The more work you can knock off, the better. Squeeze yourself in on projects. It works, if you see/here about a task you think you'd be good at, snag it up. Seriously, learn to do as much useful poo poo as possible. You can go from being an intern to having interns in a matter of 3-4 months, if you play your cards right. I have a hunch you're part of a serious campaign that could be a monumental boost to your resume. Take advantage of it. Your life could potentially get awesome, if you work hard and you guys make it past the primary. 
cname fucked around with this message at 06:13 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 06:03
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Darth123123 posted:What are you paying today? Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 06:05
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Wow, a adult man tells his mother to gently caress her self and shes in the wrong when she hits him. OP, Your uncle seems to have a better understanding of your situation then us goons, so do yourself a favor and stop listening to these people who expect you to somehow show your mother how wrong she is. If your over worked mother is really that phyiscally menacing, then perhaps you and danny should just go live in a van.
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Feb 3, 2013 06:24
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I wish you the best of luck OP, but I honestly think you (or at least your brother) are pretty close to getting kicked out of that house regardless. I was in a similar situation in high school. I couldn't put up with the bullshit rules my parents set for me, and after enough time confrontations started escalating and they kicked me out. Your mom is nearing the end of her rope, and while we can all sit here commenting on the morality of the situation, that doesn't change the fact that it's happening.Benny the Snake posted:He refused a really great job offer from Jim. He's a prideful jackass. Your entire family is full of idiots. Maybe part of your family discussion should be convincing your dad to take that job if it's still available.
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Feb 3, 2013 06:27
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Benny the Snake posted:Since I don't have a job...$50 a month. I'd be paying $2-300 if I had job. Get on unemployment. I'm serious, just loving do it, you've paid taxes, you deserve it just as much as any citizen. You're unemployed and legitimately trying to find work. You have an internship, so you're pretty much guaranteed to be approved. You're crying over the internet, so I think you can swallow your pride and get unemployment. Buck up and tell me more about what kind of tasks could use getting done at the campaign. Where are they lacking in assistance? Are there any gaps in communication/service? How much do you know about the structure. Couldn't hurt to latch onto the head of fundraising. Is there any way you can put this family bullshit on the back-burner? Just hang out at campaign HQ all the time and be home as little as possible.
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Feb 3, 2013 06:27
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Ben, if you're still spending as much time down at the bar flirting with those girls you always expected me to remember the names of, stop going so frequently. It was 2-3+ times a week before I blocked you. You're a nice dude, but you're immature, which really isn't surprising considering your situation. Your mother has no right physically assault you or any other person on the planet. You're her son second, and a person first. And no one should be hitting their kids anyway, what the christ. From what I was exposed to of your thoughtprocess, you're pretty narrowly focused. A therapist might help with that, and there are therapists who will see you for very cheap. If you're as focused now on your family situation as you were on getting laid a few months ago, it's going to be taking up every waking second you aren't purposefully focusing on something else. That's not healthy. Is poo poo hosed up at home? Yes. Do changes need to be made? Yes. Just don't obsess over it. Stay on your toes to make sure you're utilizing every resource available. Take unemployment if you can get it, work for your uncle if that's possible. Get over yourself. There's nothing wrong with getting assistance, I know you're intelligent enough to know that. I understand knowing something doesn't change your emotions presto-changeo, but think of it like this; if it will decrease the burden on your mom, crazy as she is, is your pride a large enough reason to not do it? It's far more likely that your mom is stressing out over the burden of being the breadwinner on her while she's still in school and not making much money than it is that she feels it's 'shameful.' I could be wrong, obviously, but that's my guess. You need to get out of there as soon as possible, regardless, so you can start growing up. edit: It's "coming," not "comming." Understandable mistake.
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Feb 3, 2013 06:47
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Fabulist posted:Ben, if you're still spending as much time down at the bar flirting with those girls you always expected me to remember the names of, stop going so frequently. It was 2-3+ times a week before I blocked you. You're a nice dude, but you're immature, which really isn't surprising considering your situation. How do you know OP, if I might ask?
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Feb 3, 2013 08:36
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bunnybean posted:This to me reads like the verbal whiplash in the beginning of this thread was entirely warranted. Not really, he makes it clear that he doesn't blame the OP for what's wrong with him. If the OP has been in this kind of situation since he was very young, I honestly wouldn't either. People get hosed up through no fault of their own sometimes. Honestly, I'm surprised Benny's got it together as well as he does; if his mom's always been abusive he very well might have become dependent on her since any crumb of approval from her would have been insanely valuable to him. Now I'll stop armchair-psychologing and say that even if it's not his fault, that in no way absolves him from responsibility to make the situation better in any way possible. And he's doing that. I really don't think at this point he would benefit from more lambasting. What he needs is advice. He got the kick he needed to make him see the light and get off his rear end. Now he needs help with what a person is supposed to do while they're standing up. e: There were way too many semicolons in this post.
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Feb 3, 2013 08:47
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VelveetaAvenger posted:Your entire family is full of idiots. Maybe part of your There I made it better. Why not you OP?
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Feb 3, 2013 09:20
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bunnybean posted:This to me reads like the verbal whiplash in the beginning of this thread was entirely warranted. Just through AIM. I tend to use the goon AIM thread to find people to bullshit with while I work. We chatted for a couple of months, ending in mid-December. I do feel sorry for him, he's in a lovely situation and because he's always been in it, it's going to be more difficult for him to get out. He does need to grow up and get away from his drat parents, though. Unfortunately, that means a little bit of hardening the gently caress up and prioritizing.
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Feb 3, 2013 10:06
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Your parents are idiots and so is your uncle. Just because your uncle took you in at this moment of desperation does not make him a wise sage overflowing with life wisdom, remember that.
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Feb 3, 2013 10:33
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Wait, you skipped all warehouse work.. why, exactly? Warehouses today are not like they were whenever your father is thinking of. Nor are all warehouse jobs incredibly physical. Things are automated to a large degree, and there are generally unions who have tried to make sure you're not going to kill yourself. Check local jobs in warehouses out and see if there are any that you could see yourself doing.
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Feb 3, 2013 10:46
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Spite, spite is the word of your undoing.
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Feb 3, 2013 12:43
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You knew your parents were crazy when you went to college, why didn't you save up your money? Do you have goals? Do you have plans? Did you not work during college? Why aren't you taking a minimum wage job or interning somewhere for free instead of sitting around your house? Why are you buying things like comic books when you should be saving for rent?Sockmuppet posted:Their rules are offensive and dumb, but they are completely within their right to demand that you obey them, concidering that they're paying for your rent, food, utilities and everything else. Sockmuppet's advice is entirely true. You want to live under their roof, not paying rent or signing a lease or contract stating that the stay will allow you the freedoms you like? Tough poo poo. Also, if your parents are the ones paying for your computer, you can't charge them for theft or destruction of property. It's their computer, the same way my parents could take the computer and the hard drives I left at home and burn them. They could wreck my room if they want, it's within their rights. Hell, my mom sold a lot of my stuff off, stuff I'd ask her to send me, and that was within her legal right DrHerpington fucked around with this message at 13:15 on Jul 21, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 13:17
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Benny the Snake posted:As much as it was wrong for my mom to hit Danny, Jim pointed out that there is no equality between us and our parents. They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits. And to call Mom out on assault when she insists she'll do the same if me and Danny scrap is bull. I'm not their judge, their equal, or their friend. I'm their son, first and foremost. This is all wrong. Maybe you aren't the judge of your parents, but a Judge is the judge of your parents. If they do something illegal and harmful, you need to call the police and get a real judge involved. There's nothing wrong with your mother supporting the two of you (and maybe your dad.). For some reason, people still think that you can totally support yourself at 18 or whatever and that just isn't the world we live in anymore. Also, it sounds like your uncle takes your mom's side pretty hard. I'm not surprised your dad didn't want a boss like that. Jizznastics posted:Wow, a adult man tells his mother to gently caress her self and shes in the wrong when she hits him. Go gently caress yourself.
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Feb 3, 2013 14:35
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to reiteratequote:They are still within their right to hit us when we're being little shits Nope. Nope nope nope. Outside of loving martial arts or boxing, no one is within their right to hit ANYONE except in legitimate self defense. No matter how much of a "little poo poo" someone might be being. No matter their familial relationship. It wouldn't be OK between partners, it's not OK between siblings and it's not OK between parents and children. The fact your uncle is justifying physical abuse indicates that even his house probably isn't a particularly healthy place to be long term, he's making you agree with very harmful premises. If you can, it would probably be best for you to stay with friends for as long as it takes you to move out. Don't feel bad or guilty, if you want to pull your weight and you can't contribute much financially then cook and clean or something. If they are good friends they will let you know if you're outstaying your welcome.
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Feb 3, 2013 15:19
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I don't necessarily disagree with your advice, but the OP is already a college grad and is already working a free political internship. Having said that, I agree with Fabulist also. At this point, OP, beggers cannot be choosers. If a warehouse job is available, send them your resume and try to get that job. Will it suck and be hard physical labor? Probably, but it's money in your pocket and you need it to get out of the situation you're in. Have you told the folks at your internship that you're looking for jobs yet? Do they know you're unemployed? Now would be a good time to network. When are you going to the Unemployment Office/Department of Labor? When are you going to the United Way agencies?
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Feb 3, 2013 16:51
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I'd love to see the judge who would sit through something as dumb as "I mooch of my parents, but I'm an rear end in a top hat regardlees, so my mother hit me".
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Feb 3, 2013 17:12
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Jizznastics posted:I'd love to see the judge who would sit through something as dumb as "I mooch of my parents, but I'm an rear end in a top hat regardlees, so my mother hit me". Well here's a solution, OP: Go on Judge Judy. Everybody gets paid with a helping of wisdom and snark and we all get to see it. Win-win!
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Feb 3, 2013 17:19
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Jizznastics posted:I'd love to see the judge who would sit through something as dumb as "I mooch of my parents, but I'm an rear end in a top hat regardlees, so my mother hit me". Maybe you should reword this in other domestic abuse threads. "I mooch off my husband, but I'm a bitch regardless, so my husband hit me." See how it sounds there? Go gently caress yourself.
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Feb 3, 2013 18:14
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Boy, do I have a lot of lot of questions to answer. First off, I'd like to reply Jizznastics posted:Wow, a adult man tells his mother to gently caress her self and shes in the wrong when she hits him. I'll look into unemployment come Monday. The nearest United Way office is about an hour away thru public transportation. I'll have to plan in advance for this kind of thing. I'll also look into the National Corps and AmeriCorps as well. One thing at a time: first I have to settle things with my family. I'm going to go around and look into warehouse jobs as well. Maybe apply to Fed Ex/UPS directly I wonder if the Y would offer similar services to United Way: there's one closer than a UW. Falibust: I figured after a while you blocked me on AIM. I'm sorry that I came off as an immature, whinny little poo poo. I don't expect you to reach out to me again. I just want to let you know that you were a great AIM buddy. In light of your reason why you blocked me and in retrospect, I'd just like to say sorry. I hope you're doing well.
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Feb 3, 2013 19:10
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