GrickleGrass posted:

Pick 'Em
Cancun Tornados @ Fukuoka Finger-Bangers, 6 Games, F: 6-2
Finger Lakes Phoenixes @ South Bolton Eazy W's, 7 Games, F: 5-4

ForeverBWFC posted:

No one betting on the Tornadoes then? Also, how am I the favourite to beat a Marauder team?

cbx posted:

Babe Fuckin' Ruth and Cy Young, that's why.

Also, I'd like to entertain a trade for Mr. Young at some point.

ForeverBWFC posted:

He keeps playing like he has done this season and it's going to take something pretty fuckin' special...

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Super Pick'em Turbo: League Championship Edition
_{Pick the winner, number of game (best-of-seven) and score of the final game}
Cancun Tornados @ Fukuoka Finger-Bangers in 4 Games, Final 5-2
Finger Lakes Phoenixes @ South Bolton Eazy W's in 4 Games, Final 6-5

Monathin posted:

I have _{incredibly blind} faith in you both, BWFC and Ultimo!

UltimoDragonQuest posted:

gently caress you guys!

ToiletofSadness posted:

For a team that finished with the best record in the Expansion Cup, I feel I was really tough on your team.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Pick 'em: For All Time!
_{Pick Zwei!}
Burma Imperialists
Dubai Dervishes
Hartford Whalers
Philadelphia Failures

Pander posted:

You make it harder to gain on you if you pick the same winners as me. Stop that.

Moncton Sun posted:

COLLIDERS WIN PITCHER'S DUEL TO TAKE GAME 1, 2-1

Moncton, NB -- Runs were at a premium in the first game of the Taggart League Championship Series, as both the Colliders' Warren Spahn and the Mules' Fernando valenzuela turned in complete game performances in which they gave up only six hits.

The middle third of the game provided the most offensive action, as in the bottom of the fourth inning Colliders 1B Lou Gehrig would send a Valenzuela fastball over the fence in left-center field. The Colliders would then follow up in the fifth with a double by Johnny Logan, immediately followed by Warren Spahn helping his own cause by smacking a long single that would allow Logan to come home from second base for the 2-0 Collider lead.

Between the bottom of the fifth and the top of the sixth, Mules owner Bograt could be seen shouting angrily at his players in Spanish. Whatever Bograt was saying, it appeared to have an effect on the club, as Fernando Valenzuela would lead off the inning with a scorching grounder right back to the second baseman Tony Lazzeri, who immediately airmailed the ball into the seats when he saw Valenzuela running like a man possessed. Rickey Henderson would then draw a walk. The Colliders did manage to get a force out at second base when Sandy Alomar's groundball stopped dead just outside the infield dirt, but then Adam "the Chosen" Dunn would draw yet another walk to leave the bases loaded with one out.

A Dave Winfield single brought Valenzuela across the plate, and now the situation was grim for theacox and the Colliders, as the game's momentum looked to be on the verge of shifting.

Then Eddie Murray would get a little too anxious and hit into an inning-ending double play.

After that, both Valenzuela and Spahn would completely baffle their opponents at the plate, and the game would end without much more in the way of fanfare.

theacox, in his post-game press conference, once again regaled the media with a scientific PowerPoint on the effects of the impending Colliders pennant. When somebody pointed out that there was still a lot of series to go, theacox responded with a cold, implacable smile: "We have run this simulation thousands of times. There is no possible outcome of a Mules victory."

Bograt's comments were far more succinct: "Hemos jugado como una mierda absoluta actualidad. Estos hijos de puta no pudo anotar una carrera si su vida dependiera de ello.", which, when translated, means "We didn't get the result that we wanted, but I have faith in my team and we'll figure this out eventually."

Moncton Sun posted:

OFFENSES SHOW UP AS MULES WIN GAME 2

Moncton, NB -- Perhaps the inital hypothesis of pitching reigning supreme in this Taggart League Championship Series is flawed.

In an offensive showing that saw the Mules and Colliders combine for 26 hits, the Mules would emerge victorious today on strong showings from Dave Winfield and Justin Morneau. Winfield would go 4-5 on the day, and Morneau would bring home one run on each of his two hits in his 5 at-bats.

What the final scorecard doesn't show, however, is how close the Colliders came to being blown out in Game 2, as if it weren't for a bloop single from Johnny Logan in the bottom of the third, Mules starter Bronson Arroyo would have retired the first nine batters he faced in a row. On the other hand, Colliders starter Waite Hoyt couldn't seem to get the Mules under control, as they would score 3 runs on 4 hits and 2 costly Colliders errors.

That would all change in the fourth inning. After another run came across the plate in the top half to make the score 4-0 Tijuana, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and theacox were seen glowering in the dugout as Arroyo threw his warmups. Perhaps knowing that he'd face the two legends' wrath if he screwed up, Bob Meusel would rip a double to the right-field gap. Lou Gehrig would draw a walk. And then Babe Ruth would crush the first pitch he saw over the fence in left field to bring the Colliders within one run, a run that would be scored by a Tony Lazzeri sacrifice fly that allowed Wally Schang to trot home from third base.

For the next few innings, it was as if a polar shift occurred: suddenly it was the Colliders who couldn't be put down easily, and the Mules who couldn't get a hit if they had replaced their bats with pizza peels. The Colliders would take the lead with two more runs in the bottom of the fifth, and although they would threaten in the sixth and seventh, Mules reliever Charles Hudson would get out of the innings with no runs scored. Similarily, the CERN bullpen would continue to perplex Mules batters.

And then, in the top of the eighth, suddenly the poles shifted again, and the Mules would score 4 runs on 4 hits and 2 more Colliders errors to seal the victory.

After the game, theacox begrudgingly admitted: "Some of our simulations did forecast a small chance of the Mules winning this game. However, as the final overall result remained the same, we did not announce these outlying cases. We are still well within a standard deviation of expected results. There is nothing to panic about."

Bograt's press conference was much more festive, with a full mariachi band playing traditional music. "We're gonna get each and every one of those nerdy pendejos laid! Then they'll see that the Tijuana lifestyle is so much better than wasting away in some stupid laboratory!"

The series will now go to Tijuana for games 3, 4, and 5. God help us all.

Tijuana Times posted:

MULES' MOMENTUM CONTINUES AS GAME 3 GOES TO TIJUANA

Tijuana, Mexico -- The Colliders' offense must have missed its flight.

Although the Colliders did manage nine hits in Game 3 of the Taggart League Championship Series, it only amounted to two runs, one of them coming in the top of the ninth inning, by which point half of the Mules' roster had already hit the bars.

The Mules hit hard and hit often in today's contest, amassing eight runs on nineteen hits. The offensive outburst started with a colossal two-run shot in the bottom of the first inning from Adam "the Chosen" Dunn, and the Mules never looked back after that.

CERN starter Herb Pennock lasted only 4.2 innings and gave up 7 runs on 14 hits -- and he did not strike out a single Tijuana batter. The only good news for the Colliders in this game is that they only gave up one walk. Tijuana starter Bruce Hurst, on the other hand, could have gone all night, but Bograt decided to give Tim Belcher some bullpen work in a game that was already, for all intents and purposes, over. Hurst went 7 innings and struck out two batters while walking three.

After the game, theacox chose not to give comments to the press, instead walking right by the podium, head down in what appeared to be important calculations. He was so engrossed in his muttering that he absentmindedly agreed to Bograt's exhortations to "live a little" by coming with the Mules owner to the afterparty. He would later be seen frowning at a napkin with a series of equations on it as members of both teams danced and drank around him.

Game Notes:
- Turns out 8-2 beatdowns are pretty drat hard to make interesting when you haven't established decent characters.

- The Colliders ground into 3 double plays. Two of them ended bases-loaded 1-out jams. The batters responsible? Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth. I think the RNG wanted Tijuana to win this drat game, don't you?

Tijuana Times posted:

MULES WIN GAME 4 AFTER COLLIDERS LATE-INNING RALLY COMES UP JUST SHORT

Tijuana, Mexico -- Any scientist will tell you that the best way to prove a theory is to design an experiment that provides consistently accurate data in support of your theory. If the Taggart League Championship Series were an experiment, it wouldn't even get honorable mention at a grade-school science fair.

Every game has been a decidedly different experience than the last, and now that Game 4 is in the books, it seems like the only thing to expect in the TLCS is the unexpected.

At first, the situation looked very similar to Game 1, with both starting pitchers throwing strong throughout the early innings. Tijuana starter Orel Hershiser would have a bit of a shaky first inning, giving up his one and only run of his 7-inning performance, but other than that, a great pitching duel was brewing between him and CERN starter Urban Shocker. That is, until the bottom of the fifth inning.

A walk and another wild throw by Tony Lazzeri would set the plate for Rich Aurilia, who would inexplicably crush a fastball out of Jack Murphy Stadium to give the Mules the 3-1 lead. Two innings later, Adam Dunn would get hold of the first pitch in the bottom of the 7th to extend the lead to 4-1.

Tijuana would send Tim Crews to the mound to start the eighth inning, as Hershiser had thrown over 110 pitches and was starting to show signs of fatigue. Bob Meusel and Lou Gehrig both would pop up in quick succession, and now the Colliders found themselves 4 outs away from facing an elimination situation on the road against what was supposed to be a massive underdog. Incredulous disbelief was almost palpable in the Colliders dugout, but Babe Ruth was not going to go down without a fight.

He would smack the first pitch he saw down the line for a single. Wally Schang was next, he got aboard with a single to left that rolled around in the corner and allowed Ruth to rumble into third base. Eddie Mathews would then bring the Babe home with a single of his own that also moved Schang to third. The air went from one of a Tijuanan celebration to a tense baseball game in 3 batters, 3 hits, and less than ten pitches. The tying run was aboard. Tony Lazzeri stepped up to the plate, and he made contact on a first-pitch circle change. The ball took an odd bounce, and by the time Mules shortstop Rich Aurilia could get a handle on it, Schang had scored and Lazzeri stood on first base. Johnny Logan, who had been hitting well in the series but not in Game 4, was up to bat next, and if ever there was a time for Logan's first hit of the game, it was then. Logan would watch two balls go by him and foul off another before the final pitch of the at-bat came. Logan's bat made contact with Crews's circle changeup, and the ball was hit high and in the air to centerfield...

... where Rickey Henderson easily trotted under it for the final out. The celebration began anew, and Mark Davis would pick up his second save of the postseason on just nine pitches.

After the game, a clearly hung-over theacox held a presentation detailing the effects of alcohol on the Colliders' ability to perform research. When he reached a slide showing the picture of him staring at the equation-filled napkin after Game 3, however, he stopped mid-sentence and stared at the napkin, then quickly did a few more calculations. The color drained from his face, and he simply stated that there was a "very, very large problem" before dashing out of the room.

Tijuana Times posted:

CERN WINS GAME 5, BUT THEACOX ISSUES DIRE WARNING

Tijuana, Mexico -- For a man who just saw his team stave off elimination and return the Taggart League Championship series to their homefield, theacox was markedly somber after the 3-2 CERN victory today.

To hear him tell it in his post-game comments, it doesn't matter that his pitching staff only allowed 2 runs on 7 hits. It doesn't matter that Lou Gehrig continued to make good contact with the ball. All that matters is that CERN pull off the comeback.

"If the Mules win this series, all calculations show that the world will be swallowed into a black hole caused by the sheer statistical improbability of the amount of upsets that have occurred over the course of the Expansion Cup. Just the Beard Leaguers' various beatdowns alone were cause for concern, but could you imagine what would happen if the Mules won this series? Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!" theacox bellowed as he clicked madly through another PowerPoint presentation.

Bograt, when informed of theacox's dire warning, simply laughed for about two full minutes before walking off, still chuckling, to join the once-again already-in-progress afterparty.

The series returns to Moncton after a travel day for Game 6, and if necessary ("You'd drat well better hope it's necessary", said theacox), Game 7.

Moncton Sun posted:

COLLIDERS WIN OFFENSIVE SHOWDOWN TO SEND TLCS TO DECISIVE GAME 7

Moncton, NB -- Something about the Large Hadron Collider just seems to invigorate the offenses of the two teams in the Taggart League Championship Series. It might be something that warrants further study by theacox's team of scientists, that is if they weren't busy trying to convince anyone who will listen that the fate of the planet rides on the Colliders completing the comeback from being down 3 games to 1, a comeback they took another step towards completing today in a 15-10 slugfest.

This game wasn't nearly as close as the final lines for each team would indicate, as the Mules only managed to break double digits by scoring five runs off six hits in the ninth inning off a clearly uninterested Colliders bullpen. Before that, the Mules offense remained mostly placated by strong outings from Waite Hoyt (excepting the 4-run first inning) and Ernie Johnson (excepting his role in the ninth-inning explosion of Mules offense).

Meanwhile, the Colliders seemed to not be able to miss, with multi-run home runs from Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, and Eddie Mathews. Bob Meusel went 3-for-5, and was stopped a home run short of hitting for the cycle. The teams combined for 33 hits.

The decisive Game 7 will see the Mules' Bruce Hurst go up against the Colliders' Herb Pennock tomorrow evening.

Moncton Sun posted:

CRISIS AVERTED, CERN COLLIDERS TAKE TAGGART LEAGUE PENNANT

Moncton, NB -- You could almost feel the tension in the air as Game 7 of the Taggart League Championship Series began. On one hand, Bograt's Tijuana Mules, for all of their "party hard" bluster, wanted to make an impact and prove that they deserved their divisional championship. On the other, theacox and his team of scientists still believed that they needed to win to prevent an upset-induced black hole from destroying Earth.

With that in mind, both teams got off to very fast starts in the first two innings of the game. The Mules would draw first blood with two runs in the top of the first, but they would quickly lose their lead when the Colliders would score four in the bottom of the first off four hits, including a 2-RBI single from Eddie Mathews, and one run even scored on a wild pitch from Bruce Hurst.

The Mules would respond by tying the game up in the top of the second inning when Roberto Alomar sent a ball rattling around into the corner in right-field that allowed two runs to score. After that, Hurst and Pennock settled in, and yet another pitching duel began.

For three and a half innings, not a single runner would make it past second base. Then came the bottom of the sixth, where the Colliders would score three runs off a Eddie Mathews solo shot, a Bruce Hurst wild pitch, and a Herb Pennock bloop single.

As soon as that seventh run crossed the plate, the tension drained from the Colliders dugout, as Pennock showed no signs of slowing down in his performance. And slow down he did not, as he would finish the game while allowing only two more hits in the final three innings to send the CERN Colliders to the Expansion Cup VIII Championship Series.

After the game, Bograt seemed to be unaffected by the loss. "We still live in one of the best party zones in the world, we've got a good team, and we're heading to Super-League IX! Would we have liked to win? Si, but things could always have been so much worse, eh?"

theacox's post-game presenation began with a sheepish admission: the calculations that had shown a Mules series victory resulting in the end of the world were incorrect, as a bird flying overhead had dropped a piece of bread into some outdoor machinery on the Large Hadron Collider compound, resulting in the networked computers used to calculate such difficult equations giving incorrect data.

"Our bad." theacox admitted. When informed that his Colliders would be travelling to Moscow to face the Idaho Potatoes in Game 1 of the ECCS, however, he went pale once again. "That can't be right. Excuse me, I need to go make some calculations..."

cbx posted:

The Detroit Cougars announce a trade!

The Cougars send:

1965 Juan Marichal
1965 Willie McCovey
and
The 15th pick in the Dispersal Draft

and

The Canton Catastrophes send:

The 2nd pick in the Dispersal Draft
Their 1st round pick in the Super Draft

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Smasher Dynamo posted:

And then the day came when Pete Alexander cried out "I can do no more!" And so sank the Bulldogs into relegation.

But hey, if you can win the Purgatory Gauntlet that will run during Super-League IX, the Skyhawks will make their grand return in Super-League X!

quote:

Pick 'em: For All Time!
_{Pick Zwei!}
Burma Imperialists
Dubai Dervishes