BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Pick 'em: For All Time!

Burma
Dubai

# ? Feb 14, 2013 18:36

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# ? May 23, 2024 19:56

CVE: Jan 27, 2012

Pick 'em

Burma
Hartford

# ? Feb 14, 2013 19:02

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The following contest, scheduled for the best four out of seven games, is for the Smasher League and Television Championships!

Darkness.

Chataqua Field
Ithaca, NY

Chataqua Field will host Games 3, 4, and 5 of this series.

The following dead-eyed cynics know the Phoenixes are going win:

gingemidget (WAL) (6 Games, 5-3)
Armitage (JAC) (7 Games, 4-3)

Light.

Dusseldorf Memorial Coliseum
Bolton, Lancashire

Memorial Coliseum will host Games 1, 2, 6 and 7 of this series.

The following dreamers just know that the W's have the elan to overcome:

Monathin (CNT) (4 Games, 6-5)
cbx (DEC) (5 Games, 5-3)
NotThatSamBeckett (5 Games, 10-3)
Pander (SAD) (5 Games, 5-4)
CVE (MDM) (6 Games, 7-3)
theacox (CER) (6 Games, 5-4)
GrickleGrass (MAN) (7 Games, 5-4)
mooseontheloose (HRV) (7 Games, 8-6)
Senerio (NOW) (7 Games, 1-0)

Game 1

Don May posted:

EAZY W'S WIN 4-3, ALL APPEARS RIGHT WITH WORLD

Bolton- Jack McDowell pitched well, Babe Ruth hit well, and everything seemed to be going right for the Eazy W's.

And yet, there was a sense of discontent amongst them. Jack McDowell, who picked up another post-season win, confounding his many critics, going seven innings and allowing only one run. Still, he seemed oddly downbeat about his team's victory, "Something's wrong. Really wrong. I can't put my finger on it, but I can feel it in my bones. It's not me, at least, I don't think it's me, but I feel like something terrible is going to happen. Is it because we've been here so many times before? In a series that we should win, looking to finally break through? Every time that's happened, we get the crapped out of us. I don't know, maybe it will be different this time, maybe we can do this after all. Yeah, I could see that happening."

Eri Yoshida, who led the W's bullpen in innings pitched over the regular season as well as notching a scoreless inning in today's game, seemed exhausted by the long season, and was barely able to keep her eyes open during her post-game interview, "Oh...yeah. It was a good game. We really...what was the question again? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to not pay attention or anything, I'm just really tired..."

Marauder wasn't tired. No, he was furious after learning the results of the pick 'em for this series, "Only two of you cretins picked the Phoenixes in this series?" Marauder said, his anger breaking through his normally placid facade, "I am Marauder, I kill teams, good teams, bad teams, old teams, new teams, your teams! There is not a single team in this league that has ever proved to be my equal. The Unicorns? Hard to call it a rivalry when I crush them every year! I outlived the Skyhawks, I broke the back of the Oranges, I still have a winning playoff record against the Losers, and I beat the Cultists so badly last year, that I seem to have broken CthulhuDream's mind. Oh, and I've already beaten the W's in the playoffs before a few seasons past. There are not many certainties in life, but I would say that when my team is paired with ForeverBWFC's merry band of chokers, that you all have a responsibility to pick my team. That we have lost this game means nothing! I will win this series, and you should all feel fortunate if that is the worst thing I do today."

Game 2 will take place at Memorial Coliseum. Curt Schilling will try to even the series for the Phoenixes as Sandy Koufax takes the mound for the W's.

GAME NOTES

-Adam Dunn only striking out once was, in the words of The Chosen Dunn himself, "The most amazing achievement in the history of mankind."

-Ed Delahanty hit a home run in the game, which is rare for a slap-hitter such as himself. He credited the power surge to "absinthe, that gentlemanly nerve tonic without peer!"

-Mike Piazza isn't as good as Mike Pizza.

Box Score

Game 2

Don May posted:

FATIGUED YOSHIDA BLOWS GAME, PHOENIXES EVEN SERIES GOING BACK TO ITHACA

Bolton- It turns out that, despite what years of stereotypes have told us, the energy levels of a Japanese teenage girl are not infinite.

With neither side able to make much offensive headway, the game was deadlocked at one in the top of the ninth inning. As the W's never had the strongest bullpen in the world, Yoshida was brought out for her second inning of work, having initially relieved Koufax in the top of the eighth. But Yoshida was clearly gassed, and had nothing left in her arm, giving up a double to Chet Lemon to start the inning, and then a single to Gehrig that almost scored a run but for a tremendous throw by Babe Ruth, who nailed Lemon trying to score from second on the hit.

Still, it was horribly clear to anybody watching that Yoshida needed to leave the game. But ForeverBWFC, for reasons that were never adequately explained, left her in, perhaps hoping that she could turn things around.

She couldn't.

Mike Piazza was next, and caught just enough of a knuckleball to reach base on an infield single. Trying to end the inning before she passed out from sheer exhaustion, Yoshida managed to get the second out of the inning on a Joe Gordon popup. But that was where her luck finally died, as Roberto Alomar took advantage of the short left-field wall in Bolton to hit a three-run home run, giving the Phoenixes a 4-1 lead. The W's tried to fight back in the bottom of the inning, even scoring a run, but could not complete the comeback, evening the series at one game apiece heading back to Ithaca, and taking home-field advantage for the Phoenixes.

Yoshida was apologetic after the game, even if she was only half-conscious at the time, "Sorry...I'll do better next time...I promise."

Asked whether he would give Yoshida some time off after her long regular season and pitching three innings in the first two games, ForeverBWFC made no promises, "Ideally, I would give her all the time she needs, but the time is growing short, and we have to use the best players we have, and I never really did end up building much of a bullpen. Still, I have no doubt that she'll rise to the occasion. It's just like the greatest Briton of all time said, 'There's a feeling I get/When I look to the West/And my spirit is crying for leaving.' As true today as it was then."

Marauder's press conference consisted entirely of him drinking a large glass of scotch while smirking.

Game 3 will take place in Ithaca, home of the suicide gorges, where Pete Alexander will try to get the W's back on track against Jim Bunning (R-KY) of the Phoenixes.

GAME NOTES

-Adam Dunn hit a home run, described by him as, "The turning point of the series, because once I've struck, then everything is Dunn!"

-Darren Daulton caught two runners stealing without allowing a successful stolen base, which he attributed to, "The coming of the sixth world, as foretold by the Mayans. With the enlightenment of this new age coursing through my brain and throwing arm, what can stop me now?"

Box Score

Game 3

Don May posted:

PHOENIXES TAKE SERIES LEAD WITH 6-5 WIN

Ithaca- Slowly, but surely, the Phoenixes are taking control.

There was something oddly sinister about today's game. In the regular season of Super-League, Pete Alexander was unhittable, going 26-2. Today, the Phoenixes hit him at will, amassing twelve hits and six runs in six innings. The W's put up a decent fight, but only managed five runs over the course of the game, letting the Phoenixes take a 2-1 series lead, and opening up the grim possibility that the Phoenixes could end this series in Ithaca.

But that was not the only bad news for the W's, as ForeverBWFC, whether out of spite or insanity, forced Yoshida to pitch another two innings, and while she did not give up any runs, the damage done to Yoshida's arm will almost certainly come back to haunt the team in the near future, as Yoshida was barely able to walk off the mound with assistance after the game, and any more extended appearances in this series may lead to tragedy.

The St. Mark Bellhorn, asked for his opinion on the use of Yoshida in this series, was hesitant to question ForeverBWFC's management, "I understand that ForeverBWFC is under a lot of stress, that after innumerable campaigns ended in bitter disappointment, that once more Marauder may crush our hopes and dreams in his gnarled claw? Most displeasing, to say the least. That ForeverBWFC would lean so hard on young Yoshida is regrettable, as I fear to think what may happen as a result, but with our bullpen so feeble, what choice does he have? These are dark times indeed..."

There were not grim times for the master of misery, The Merry Marauder, though, who was delighted, "I wonder who I will face in the Finals. I suppose a Marauder-Marauder finals would be rater boring, but I can't foresee any possibility of the Tornados actually beating the Bangers. Rather boring, really. The rest of the Super-League has really let me down. I expect the end of the season to be a crescendo, but the most likely prospect, at this point, is what I will fight myself in a series that even I don't particularly care to read about it. Truly a pity."

Game 4 will have Cy Young try and do something, anything to keep the W's alive while one of Marauder's endless army of Don Suttons will take the mound for the Phoenixes.

GAME NOTES

-The Games Notes aren't here, man, they're all in your head!

Box Score

Game 4

Don May posted:

INSANE FOREVERBWFC FORCES YOSHIDA TO PITCH FOUR INNINGS, W'S STILL LOSE IN 14

Ithaca- You've got to give ForeverBWFC credit, he is really going to run this thing into the ground.

The game was tied 4-4 after seven innings and W's starter Cy Young was tired, so ForeverBWFC turned to the only reliever he apparently trusted, bringing in the barely conscious Yoshida to face the Phoenixes. And, since the game continued to be tied after eight innings, he left Yoshida out there for the ninth, and the tenth....and then the eleventh. By the end, she was collapsing on the mound between pitches, and it was only after an emotional appeal from Jack McDowell and St. Mark Bellhorn to ForeverBWFC in the dugout that finally convinced the W's owner to pull Yoshida out of the game. Even the hardened fans in Ithaca, conditioned for multiple seasons by Marauder to be the most vicious fans on the planet had to applaud the efforts of Eri Yoshida.

But, of course, the overuse of Yoshida did not happen in a vacuum, it happened because the rest of the W's bullpen could not be trusted, and, with Yoshida out of the game, the W's must have felt as though there were under a ticking clock. Fortunately, they were also a team who employed Babe Ruth, who hit a long two-run blast to give the W's a 6-4 lead. For a moment, it seemed as if the W's might just escape.

But Marauder did not become the Super-League's heart of darkness by allowing feel-good stories in his own park, and his Phoenixes, with the iron resolve and emotionless glare of deadly robots went to work on erasing that lead, eventually tying the game at 6.

And so the game continued, with the W's knowing that their bullpen would surely doom them in the end, and yet unable to muster together any more offense. It was only a matter of time.

Zero hour came in the bottom of the fourteenth inning, and at least it came swiftly. Red Rolfe walked, advanced to second on a Henderson groundout, and scored on a Max Carey double. And that was it, the Phoenixes won 7-6, and took a 3-1 series lead with one more game in Ithaca to played tomorrow.

Game 5 starter Jack McDowell was not ready to give up, "I will save my team. I know that a lot of you are baffled that I'm one of the best pitchers in the league, but that doesn't really matter, because I'm not going to fail my team again. Or for the first time...did I gently caress up in the playoffs last season? I can't remember. Either way, barring something completely insane, like ForeverBWFC putting the mostly-dead body of Yoshida on the mound in a tie-game situation, I think we'll win and we'll take this series back to Bolton."

GAME NOTES

-Adam Dunn got hit by a pitch. Let's be honest, he had it coming.

-Four different members of the W's grounded into double plays. On the plus side, that at least means that they're getting on base!

-We still haven't had a Fingers meltdown game yet. What could that mean?

Box Score

Game 5

Don May posted:

PHOENIXES WIN SERIES WHEN INEVITABLE HAPPENS

Ithaca- The end came just as one would have expected it to.

Having won the Smasher League for the third time in his career as an owner, Marauder decided it was storytime, "Today's story will be a new version of a classic. It is entitled "The Little Yoshida That Couldn't." I really hope you all enjoy it.

The Little Yoshida That Couldn't posted:

The littlest pitcher in the land, Eri Yoshida was waiting in the bullpen for such work as it was built for, pitching middle relief and mopup work. One game, she was waiting for her next call when the W's suddenly needed a reliever to save the day from the diabolical Marauder. ForeverBWFC asked one reliever to come in and save the game. "I can't; that is too much pressure for me," said the great Rob Dibble who was supposedly a closer. Then ForeverBWFC asked another reliever, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, ForeverBWFC asked Eri Yoshida to enter the game and save the W's from the Phoenixes. "I think I can," said the little reliever, and marched out to the mound. As she threw pitch after pitch, the little Yoshida strained harder and harder, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

But as she neared the end of the inning, she began to pitch more slowly. However, it still kept saying, "I - think - I - can, I - think - I - can." And the wicked Phoenixes scored the go-ahead run and won the game, eliminating the W's from the playoffs once again. Because little Yoshida was wrong, and she could not. The end.

In reality, Yoshida did give up the winning run to the Phoenixes and then immediately collapsed into a coma. And there's nothing funny about that, as Curt Schilling proved in a thirty-minute long interview that consisted mainly of jokes at Yoshida's expense, not even when he remarked, "Hey, at least she can't blow any more saves as a vegetable!"

Jack McDowell, forced to re-evaluate himself and his team after today's loss, came to a cruel realization, "Wait...multiple bullpen disasters. Not even making it to the Finals once in eight seasons. Oh, god, we're the Cubs! WE'RE THE CUBS! God, no! Oh, no...no. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

GAME NOTES

-Halfway to Marauder-Marauder II: Electric Bangerloo. Way to go Smasher League owners.

-For the statistically minded among you, Yoshida pitched 10 innings in only five games and six days. That is down right Mike Marshallian.

Box Score

Updated Playoff Bracket

# ? Feb 15, 2013 04:14

cbx: Dec 4, 2007; Smasher Dynamo's assistant of the Super-League.

Son. I am disappoint.

# ? Feb 15, 2013 04:21

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

Help us UltimoDragonQuest, you're our only hope.

# ? Feb 15, 2013 04:37

ToiletofSadness: Mar 27, 2010

Expansion Cup VIII Playoff and Gauntlet Pick Em for Super League VII Scores and Standings
through Smasher League Championship Series

pre:

Gricklegrass            41
Armitage                39
Pander                  38
cbx                     32
Monathin                31
gingemidget             30
Senerio                 28
theacox                 28
NotThatSamBeckett       26
CVE                     25
Gabriel Pope            20
Mooseontheloose         20
ScottyJSno              13
Bograt                   3

While gingemidget and Armitage were the only teams to correctly pick the Phoenixes (and inevitably another Marauder^2 league finals), a few of you were able to pick up 4 points via the final score +/- 1 rule.

# ? Feb 15, 2013 04:38

ForeverBWFC: Oct 19, 2011; Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

What the everliving gently caress, AI manager?!?!?!

# ? Feb 15, 2013 08:21

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Ah, the Gauntlet, where I finally get to kill your underachieving teams for the high crimes of not playing to their potentials. All entrants in the Gauntlet are deemed guilty, and therefore worthy of death until they prove otherwise. Two more teams will be taken to the abattoir after this round. Let's see who the peanut gallery thinks are the damned:

Burma Imperialists

cbx (DEC)
CVE (MDM)
Gabriel Pope (OMA)
gingemidget (WAL)
GrickleGrass (MAN)
Monathin (CNT)
mooseontheloose (HRV)

Dubai Dervishes

cbx (DEC)
Gabriel Pope (OMA)
gingemidget (WAL)
GrickleGrass (WAL)
Monathin (CNT)
Pander (SAD)
theacox (CER)

Hartford Whalers

CVE (MDM)
mooseontheloose (HRV)
theacox (CER)

Philadelphia Failures
they
Pander (SAD)

Personally, I'm amazed that more people took the Whalers over the Failures, especially since the Failures dramatically underachieved in the Super-League, while the Whalers did about as good as they could have done, and they still ended up with about the same record, especially since the Failures don't rely on Steve "Sting" Carlton to keep them alive. I'm not saying that I would have chosen either of them, but I would have picked the Failures over the Whalers, and it wouldn't have been close.

Then again, since most people went for the Dervishes and Imperialists anyway, and that was probably the right pick, it's more of an academic point. And now, the results...

Results!

The Dervishes fell short on the very last game of the round, as the Imperialists mounted a big comeback to take the final game 5-3, leaving the Dervishes one game short. If they had tied the Failures, they would have won on a tie-breaker, but they just couldn't quite do it. The Gauntlet can be cruel.

Imperialists and Failures advance!

Not only did the Imperialists win, but they took out the strongest team left in the Gauntlet by killing the Dervishes. Since there's a decent chance the last round of the Gauntlet will not be necessary, that means that the Imperialists now have to be the heavy favorites to survive the Gauntlet.

One bad game can ruin everything.

A good first team, but sometimes things don't work out. Then again, naming your team after the Whalers was pretty hopeless anyway.

Did the Failures deserve to survive over the Dervishes? I don't know. Maybe they did, and maybe the didn't. But, either way, the Dervishes are dead and the Failures are moving on.

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
_{Pick TWO!}
Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians
Philadelphia Failures
Web 2.0 Bloggers (The 'I hate Smasher' option)

# ? Feb 16, 2013 00:24

Monathin: Sep 1, 2011; ?????????
?

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
_{Pick TWO!}
Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians
Philadelphia Failures
Web 2.0 Bloggers (The 'I hate Smasher' option)

Haha, time for guessing at these and hoping I get ahead!

# ? Feb 16, 2013 00:54

Senerio: Oct 19, 2009; Roëmænce is ælive!

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
_{Pick TWO!}
Burma Imperialists
Web 2.0 Bloggers (The 'I hate Smasher' option)

Sure why not.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 01:20

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Hey, I made my picks! Of course only one of them held up their end of the bargain.

Armitage posted:

Crap, I'm gonna have to go with Burma and Dubai as well.

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
Pick TWO!
Burma Imperialists
Web 2.0 Bloggers (The 'I think Smasher is a peachy keen fellow' option)

# ? Feb 16, 2013 01:57

theacox: Jun 8, 2010; You can't be serious.

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
Pick TWO!
Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians

# ? Feb 16, 2013 02:13

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Listen, Hartford, you've got to let the Whalers go, okay? It's been fifteen years, and they aren't coming back.

Owner: mks5000
Location: Hartford, CT
Home Grounds: The Shipyard

Teams Used
1972 New York Yankees
1976 Philadelphia Phillies
1995 New York Yankees

Past Records
Expansion Cup VII
86-77, 2nd Place, Laissez-Faire Division
Super-League VIII
79-83, 3rd Place, Mark Bellhorn Division, Gauntletted
Gauntlet VII
Round 7: 15-25, 4th Place, Relegated

Championship History
2x Television Champions

A Special Message from the Mayor of Hartford

The Honorable Pedro E. Segarra

Future readers of this thread, welcome! I am Pedro E. Segarra, the mayor of Hartford, and I welcome you to this retrospective of the only Super-League team to ever call Hartford, Connecticut home, the mighty Hartford Whalers.

I remember the first time that mks5000 asked me about forming a team in this great city. He said, "Pedro, you are an outstanding mayor, and I'm sure that you'll beat those corruption charges." And I did, as the judge was persuaded to drop the charges after he found the distance between the courthouse and his new luxury townhouse in Maine to be too far to travel regularly.

But I am not here to talk about that, nor am I here to talk about my ground-breaking Hartford Resurgence Plan, which promises to transform Hartford into a marginally livable city by the year 2045. Instead, I am here to talk about the Hartford Whalers. No, not the since-departed NHL team, who proved for nearly twenty years that Hartford is a major league city, and who broke the hearts of this city by moving to the Carolinas. (Although it is worth noting that it took two full states to match the fandom of our city.) No, I am here to talk about the Super-League Hartford Whalers, who, unlike the many residents of neighboring towns who come into our fair city to work, and yet forget about us as the drive home at night along I-84 or I-91, they were part of Hartford through and through.

In a way, the Whalers symbolized the promise of Hartford in the 21st Century. Much like me, they weren't perfect. For example, I promised that I would make the trustees of UConn move their medical school to Hartford, and they literally laughed in my face for twenty minutes, mocking the very suggestion that they would move such a flagship institution to a dying town. But I did convince, after getting on my knees and begging, to relocate their West Hartford campus nearly three miles east right into the heart of downtown. Admittedly, that move has not made the campus any more convenient or accessible, and it is fair to say that many would-be applicants have been turned off by the pervasive urban blight around the new campus, but the important thing is that I got it done.

The Whalers were a lot like that. They knew that it wasn't important whether or not they did the things they said they were going to do, but that it was more important that they did something, whether or not it was a good idea. Let's not forget the time they traded Sparky Lyle for Spud Davis. It didn't make sense, and the team already had Thurman Munson and Jorge Posada, either of whom was clearly superior to Spud Davis. But mks5000 has given the illusion of progress, and in Hartford, that's considered good enough.

If I may digress a moment, I would like to talk about the challenges that I, as the mayor of a mid-sized city, face in today's challenging climate. As you know, Hartford has faced a budget shortfall for the past few years, and have been forced to create a leaner, more efficient government. But that has not been enough and, three months ago, I proposed to the City Council a plan that would both reduce the size of city government and raise revenue. My plan was to create a reality television show where callers who phone in, for a fee, to vote on which employee they wanted to see laid off. By doing so, we would open up multiple revenue streams and reduce overhead in the most humane and entertaining way possible. To date, however, the city council has blocked my plan, calling it "unfathomably cruel" and "an affront to basic norms of human decency." Even worse, after spending $500,000 on a pilot of the show, which I sent to various critics in hope of creating some sort of "buzz", I have found that the most of them gave unfavorable reviews of the product. I blame the city council for this, as a full disbursement of the funds slated for this project could have made a much better pilot than what was ultimately produced.

However, in the spirit of compromise, I have a new proposal that I am preparing to make to the city council. As all of you know, The Hunger Games was a big success in the theaters this past summer. To that end, I propose that we take twenty employees slated for termination, take them to one of our many blighted neighborhoods, and then demand they fight to the death, with the winner earning the right to retain their job. Obviously, we would put in some sort of safeguard to prevent any actual fatalities, the nuts and bolts of which are still being worked out. I only hope that the city council can give my new idea a fair hearing for the sake of good governance.

Returning to my discussion of the Whalers, I would like to point out that unlike the hockey Whalers, whom the NHL has asked us very nicely to refrain from mentioning, even offering us several thousand dollars to burn or otherwise dispose of the Whalers banners that still hang in the Hartford Civic Center, the Super-League Whalers were always proud of their hometown. And why wouldn't they be? Did you know that the Brookings Institute rated Hartford as the most productive city in the world? I think that this lofty accomplishment was clearly the result of my policy to allow corporations to make their employees into indentured servants. But I think that my pro-business policies have not gone far enough. Clearly, the only way for Hartford to survive, and thrive, is to forge long-term and profitable partnerships with corporations.

For example, as the capital city of Connecticut, we host the Connecticut Supreme Court. I say, why not sell the naming rights? The Mountain Dew Code Red Connecticut Supreme Court might not have quite the same prestige, but it could make the city of Hartford nearly $10,000 a year.

Or, thinking outside the box, Hartford is only an hour drive from New York City and its organized crime. It is known to all that mob bosses have a great deal of disposable income that they spend on things such as high-class mistress, track suits, luxury automobiles and hitmen. That is money that could be going into the Hartford economy. To that end, I propose Hartford repeals its outdated anti-racketeering laws, and welcomes the various dons and capos into our city. With the crime rate already as high as it is, most residents will not notice the increase.

Just like me, the Whalers have made mistakes. I think it's fair to say that two Steve Carltons was a mistake. But we have all made mistakes. I, for one, gave nearly 50 million dollars to a con man who claimed that he could build a super-train that would connect Hartford with Boston and New York City. It turned out that this super-train was incredibly dangerous, and only went to Springfield. Fortunately, the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled that "gross incompetence in municipal administration" is not a criminal offense. That was a good day for me, and thus the city of Hartford.

The point I'm trying to make here is that the Whalers are gone, but that's not my fault, and at least we still have the memories.

In conclusion, like so many other times in my career, I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain, who once said, "Home in the valley, home in city, home isn't pretty, ain't no home for me. Home in the darkness, home on the highway, home isn't my way, home will never be. Burn out the day, burn out the night, I can't see no reason to put up a fight. I'm living for giving the devil his due, and I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you."

Thank you, and god bless the city of Hartford and its mayor.

Respectfully,

Pedro E. Segarra
Mayor

# ? Feb 16, 2013 02:18

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
_{Pick TWO!}
Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians
Philadelphia Failures
Web 2.0 Bloggers

# ? Feb 16, 2013 02:27

GrickleGrass: Dec 18, 2011; I speak for the trees.

Pick 'Em
Burma Imperialists &
Web 2.0 Bloggers (I micromanage my picks)

Thanks to Smasher for getting B.O.C. stuck in my head.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 02:45

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

Beautiful obit, smasher. I just want to point out that I traded Sparky for Spud Davis AND Cy Falkenberg. :colbert:

(not that it makes it any better) In the end, I'm pretty please with my whalers. They had a rotation built around two Steve Carltons and an offense centered around 3 guys with insanely high strikeout rates.

This a good superleague team does not make.

We grow. We learn.

Also what the gently caress Reggie Jackson, now you decide to hit dingers? When my pitching craps out? gently caress you.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 02:51

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Marauder!

Some exciting updates. If the Bangers beat the Tornados tomorrow, I'll let you, if you wish, just pick which of your teams becomes Champion and faces the Macho Men because, well, you could just alter your rosters if you wanted to ensure whichever outcome you so chose.

But, if you challenge the Macho Men, and you lose, then, because of contraction, I am going to suspend your second franchise, and therefore you will not be allowed to build a replacement team at this time.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 03:41

cbx: Dec 4, 2007; Smasher Dynamo's assistant of the Super-League.

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems

_{Pick TWO!}

Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians

# ? Feb 16, 2013 04:43

The Merry Marauder: Apr 4, 2009; "But she goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own."

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Marauder!

Some exciting updates. If the Bangers beat the Tornados tomorrow, I'll let you, if you wish, just pick which of your teams becomes Champion and faces the Macho Men because, well, you could just alter your rosters if you wanted to ensure whichever outcome you so chose.

But, if you challenge the Macho Men, and you lose, then, because of contraction, I am going to suspend your second franchise, and therefore you will not be allowed to build a replacement team at this time.

Actually, I think it suits the narrative for this to be the Bangers' last season regardless. The Losers have a new rival in the Tornadoes, and the Sic Transit Vir has been a wasteland for new teams for long enough.

The Bangers will, of course, challenge the Macho Men. Should we lose to the Tornadoes, the fault will not be in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underperforming, and we shall retire to sulk and brood.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 05:01

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The Merry Marauder posted:

Actually, I think it suits the narrative for this to be the Bangers' last season regardless. The Losers have a new rival in the Tornadoes, and the Sic Transit Vir has been a wasteland for new teams for long enough.

The Bangers will, of course, challenge the Macho Men. Should we lose to the Tornadoes, the fault will not be in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underperforming, and we shall retire to sulk and brood.

Splendid. Should the Finger-Bangers win tomorrow, they will be made the official champions of Super-League VIII, with the Macho Men challenge to follow on Monday. Plan accordingly.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 05:28

Senerio: Oct 19, 2009; Roëmænce is ælive!

Empty spaces - what are we living for?

It's been about a year now, and I am honestly wondering why I keep doing this. It's a great thing to do, but I am not entirely sure why�

Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..

I mean, look at my history: I moved from New York, to the Asian Neighborhood of
California, to Chicago of all places. Now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, and the teams aren't matching up, at least until this one�

On and on! Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Yet, I still come back. I guess the challenge of making a good baseball team without knowing anything about the sport is a challenge, and I am no more knowledgeable about it now than I was when I started out here�

Another hero - another mindless crime.

The biggest part of my teams when I first made them was "Hey! I know that guy! That means he's good!" and that led to some good teams, and some real duds.

Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.

This team was supposed to be another gimmick team, "pick exclusively Red Sox," and all, but I decided not to focus on that gimmick. This team has done better than I expected, and that's why I'm making this post.

Hold the line! Does anybody want to take it anymore?

I'd been waiting almost a year to do this, and I finally feel that this team was good enough for me to say

I'm back and I'm ready to take the Smasher League by STORM!

Senerio fucked around with this message at 06:15 on Feb 16, 2013

# ? Feb 16, 2013 05:59

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Senerio posted:

I'm back and I'm ready to take the Smasher League by STORM!

On the one hand, the Macho Men retired the Mercuries forever, and so you shouldn't be able to use their old logo and name. On the other, another two months of "RETURN THE SLAB" jokes would drive me insane. I'm conflicted.

# ? Feb 16, 2013 06:56

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The following series, scheduled for the best-four-out-of-seven wins, is for the Dynamo League and Hardcore Championships.

Tornados, you are the last hope of the Super-League. If you fail here, there is going to be a Marauder/Marauder finals and no one wants to see that. So, please don't gently caress this up.

Progressive Field
Cancun, Quintana Roo, Estados Unidos Mexicanos

Oh, who am I kidding, the Bangers are totally going to win.

Sumitomo Mitsui Group Park
Fukuoka, Japan

Game 1

Don May posted:

BANGERS TAKE OPENER 3-2 THANKS TO BANKS ERROR

Fukuoka- To the surprise of no one, a battle between two teams whose defensive ability ranges from 'mediocre' to 'beyond abysmal' was decided on which team made the costlier error.

With the game tied 2-2 in the bottom of the eighth and two men on, Ernie Banks mishandled a Nap Lajoie grounder, allowed Pop Lloyd to score the go-ahead run, and giving the Bangers a 1-0 series lead. The owner of the Ryleh Cultists, CthulhuDreams, who was watching the game from a box seat, demanded that reporters interview him after the game, "I told you that I was right to get rid of Ernie Banks!" shrieked the Cultists' owner, even though the loss of Banks had hamstrung his offense this season and led to his team missing the playoffs, "I knew that Ernie Banks wasn't a good player, my simulations proved it! Joe Sewell would have made that play. Yes, it looks like the real winner of the Banks-Sewell trade was me, that Smasher Dynamo was wrong, and that I am still the smartest owner in Super-League history. Really, I say that the real winner of today's game wasn't Marauder, it was me, because it was only due to my brilliance and total understanding of the game of baseball that no one else to compare to. Yes, this was a great day for the Ryleh Cultists!"

Marauder disagreed, "I'm not clear on who this 'CthulhuDreams' is...ah, yes, the owner of the Cultists that I dismissed in the playoffs last season. So nice he could make an appearance. As to this game, and series for that matter, I think we both know that it is just a matter of time at this point. The Losers might have been able to stop me, and perhaps the W's should have been able to stop the Phoenixes, but that is wishful thinking. As it stands, the Phoenixes are already in the Finals, and that was the hard part. The Tornados are an interesting team, in much the same way that attaching fireworks to your car in order to make it go faster would be quite interesting to see. Still, I fail to see how a team with the mighty Joe Kelley at first base has much chance at all of defeating my finest creation. All we are doing here is marking time."

Riggs Stephenson, who has taken to calling himself "The Lethal Weapon 5", told reporters that today's loss did not really mean anything, "So we lost a game. I'm Riggs Stephenson! You don't think I've lost games before? Hell, I lose something every time I wake up! I'm a guy who once lost a footrace to a turtle! Granted, it was a pretty fast turtle, I mean, that guy could really scoot. It was actually pretty amazing, and I probably could have won if I weren't so stunned at the speed of that turtle. Must have been the fastest turtle alive. Anyway, we're probably going to win the series because the universe couldn't possibly be so mean as to force another Marauder/Marauder series. And by the universe, what I really mean is that Smasher should totally rig this series so that we win."

Riggs, apparently on a roll, then added, "Hey, can we change our team name? Because the Cancun Turtles would be a pretty cool name. And our logo would be better. I'm just saying that turtles are pretty neat, okay?"

Game 2 will take place in Fukuoka as Lefty Grove tries to tie the series for the Tornados while Dazzy Vance tries to hasten the end of this series for the Bangers.

GAME NOTES

-The Bangers' defense wasn't much better than their opponents, as both Frank Thomas and Pop Lloyd made errors leading to two unearned runs.

-The Scorpion, Roy Halladay, promises that he would gain revenge on behalf of the Mayan Gods in Game 5.

-Addie Joss went eight innings without a single strikeout.

Box Score

Game 2

Don May posted:

TORNADOS TIE THINGS UP WITH 4-1 WIN

Fukuoka- The Tornados usually find a way.

With Gene Tenace starting at catcher for reasons unknown, the Tornados finally got their running game going, stealing three bases, sparking a four run day that proved to be more than enough when Lefty Grove was largely able to handcuff the Bangers' offense, allowing only one run over seven innings.

Grove, known to be a temperamental man, was emotional as ever in discussing today's win, "gently caress those loving Finger-Bangers," Grove said, still angry, "Barry Bonds? Ted Williams? Duke Snider? You throw out that many left-handed hitters against me and you expect to beat me? You must think I'm some sort of loving moron! Did you really think you could get away with this, Marauder? Did you really think you could beat the greatest left-handed pitcher to ever walk this god-damned earth with left-handed sluggers? I don't know what the gently caress you were thinking, but I hope this was loving instructive for you, you son of a bitch! I hope you learned a good drat lesson about not loving with me, because, I swear to god, if you try this poo poo again in Game 6, I am going to break your loving team into a million pieces!"

Oddly, Marauder was not in the dugout for today's game, meaning that Grove's remarks were somewhat beside the point. Instead, Marauder was at the headquarters of the Phoenixes. As a result, longtime organizational player Ferris Fain was made acting manager for the day, and spoke to reporters afterward, "You know what's awesome? Burritos. You know what's not awesome? Japanese laws criminalizing marijuana possession. So, uh, does anyone know a good criminal defense lawyer in Japan, because I am in some serious poo poo about that. Also, I didn't make the lineups, Marauder did, so take that up with him, dude. I'm just a guy trying to get by...oh, man, that rhymes! Holy gently caress, awesome!"

Edgar Martinez, who was caught stealing in the bottom of the sixth, also tried to explain his miscue, "I, uh...thought that Campanella was behind the plate, so I'd make it to second easy. But about halfway there, I remembered that it was Bresnahan at catcher today, and that cat's got a hell of an arm. So, yeah. Really sorry about that.

Game 3 will take place in Party City, USA, also known as Cancun. Smoky Joe Williams, who is neither a jazz musician nor a barbecue sauce spokesman, but instead a starting pitcher, will try and give the Bangers another lead, while Don Drysdale will try and give the Tornados their first lead of the season.

GAME NOTES

-Despite their struggles at the plate, the Bangers still managed to draw five walks off of Lefty Grove, which was a minor victory in and of itself.

-Speaking to reporters via phone, Marauder explained that his visit to Phoenix headquarters in Ithaca was merely a fact-finding mission to assess the suitability of the Phoenixes to playing the Macho Men in a challenge. Reports indicate that he was not impressed.

Box Score

Game 3

Don May posted:

BANGERS BLAST TORNADOS, WIN 7-5

Cancun- It's been one step forward, two steps back for the Tornados.

Today was an opportunity for the Tornados to take the next step by winning today's game and taking a 2-1 series lead. Instead, they blew the game as they were simply overwhelmed by the Bangers' superior offensive firepower, and will now have to return to Fukuoka if they have any hope of winning this series.

The defeat seemed to weigh heavily on UltimoDragonQuest, but the Tornados' owner was unable to speak after the game, as Steve, Prince of Fate locked him in a walk-in freezer to prevent him from giving one of his infamous "pep talks". Instead, Steve spoke for him, donning his traditional post-game dress uniform to address the media, "Mistakes were made, and while it would not be helpful to assign the blame for those mistakes to any one person, I think it's pretty clear that Don Drysdale is a rotting wound at the heart of our team that must be cut out so as to save the whole. Only then will the Tornados succeed."

Don Drysdale responded by accusing Steve of being, "Some sort of weird freak. Is he from space? And, if so, where is their royalty in space? I would have thought by the time that mankind started to emigrate to the stars that we would have finally put the idea of aristocracy behind us. But, no! Apparently there's a prince of space. That's really loving disappointing. I mean, it's not that I'm against a prince in space, it's just that it shows that, even when we get out into the stars, into that infinite expanse where the possibilities are endless, mankind will still be locked into the same mode of control and submission, with princes and kings and dictators and tyrants. No matter where we go, I guess mankind will always be shackled to itself. And that's a real shame. Almost as bad as losing this game."

And, in the realm of contractual obligation, Marauder talked to reporters, saying that, "Time is running out for the Tornados. I know it, they know it, the thread knows, everyone with half a brain knows it. I only hope that I can end this series quickly so that I can save Smasher the trouble. Yes, I think that would be best for everyone."

Game 4 will take place in Cancun, the city of horrible dichotomies. The Ryan Express will try and run down the Tornados, as Sandy Koufax will try and...uh...avoid being crushed by the Ryan Express.

GAME NOTES

-Roy Campanella hit a home run. Good for him!

-Barry Bonds, apparently feeling the need to remind everyone just how bad the Bangers are at any kind of fielding, made an error today. He later claimed that it wasn't his fault as, "The ball should have bounced closer to the lawn chair I was sitting in."

-This space left blank.

Box Score

Game 4

Don May posted:

PERFUNCTORY FINGERS' MELTDOWN! TORNADOS WIN 7-6

Cancun- Much like the tides, somethings are wholly predictable.

With the Tornados losing 6-5 in the bottom of the ninth, things were looking grim. Or at least nominally grim, because the Bangers' closer, as it has ever been, was Rollie Fingers, and Rollie Fingers loses playoff games in the Super-League.

And so, when Ernie Banks hit a single to start off the inning, everyone knew where this was heading. Roy Campanella was next, and his single moved Banks to third, only ninety feet away from tying the game. Joe Kelley's grounder to third did produce the first out of the inning, but it also allowed both runners to move up a base, scoring Banks, and tying the game at six. With the Tornados on the verge of victory, UltimoDragonQuest summoned Steve, Prince of Fate, to pinch-run for the slow-footed Campanella. That meant that virtually any hit would score Steve, and thus give the Tornados a walk-off home run.

In an act of mercy, Fingers did make the waiting last much longer. Riggs Stephenson, the Lethal Weapon 5, then hit a double into left-center field, far away from Barry Bonds, who was still relaxing in his lawn chair. Steve easily ran home, and the Tornados once more tied the series, this time at two games apiece.

Riggs, who told reporters that his new nickname was, "The Terrible Terrapin", celebrated his game-winning hit after the game, "I am the king of turtles! Riggs #1!"

Marauder promised, "A horrifying retaliation beyond the likes of which has ever been seen in Super-League history. The streets of Cancun will run red with the blood of the Tornados, and their supporters shall be reduced to a carnival of mourners, wearing the harshest of sack-cloth as they wail and gnash their teeth. Oh, the horror! Oh, the misery!"

Game 5 will take place in Cancun, and will be the final game in that city in this series. The Scorpion Roy Halladay will try and get revenge for the Tornados as Addie Joss seeks to give the Bangers the series lead once again.

GAME NOTES

-The Bangers didn't make an error! It must be a miracle.

-Rollie Fingers did not seem to have many regrets, "If I got down on myself every time I put our team's season in jeopardy, I'd be sad about 100 times a year! And I want to feel happy!"

-John McGraw was hit by two pitches in today's game, mainly because Bangers' starter Nolan Ryan is an angry, angry man, and John McGraw called Texas, "God's shithole." before the game.

Box Score

Game 5

Don May posted:

BANGERS MURDER TORNADOS 22-7

Cancun- Holy gently caress.

The Bangers' offense, to this point in the series, had hardly been that impressive, as they had been cumulatively outscored by the Tornados through the first four games. But then today happened, and it seems unlikely that, no matter the outcome of this series, that Tornados will outscore the Bangers through the entire series.

Before the game, The Scorpion Roy Halladay tried to rally his team and the fans with an impassioned speech, screaming at the top of his lungs that, "CENTURIES AGO, THE MAYANS CREATED A PERFECT CIVILIZATION ON THE EARTH AND LIVED IN HARMONY WITH NATURE AND THEIR GODS! AND IN THEIR TEMPLES, THEY MADE GREAT DISCOVERIES BEYOND ANYTHING MANKIND HAS DISCOVERED TO DATE! AND THEN THE CONQUISTADORS CAME AND THEIR GREED FOR GOLD DESTROYED EVERYTHING, AND MAN FORGOT THEIR TRUE GODS! BUT NOW THE LONG CYCLE CALENDAR TELLS US THAT WE ARE IN A NEW WORLD, AND THE GODS HAVE RETURNED, AND THE ANCIENT SCORPION HAS MADE ME ITS AVATAR, AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGH!"

Marauder referred his team's response to the team ethnologist, Kevin Millar, "As the concept of the avatar comes from the Hindu belief system, and the Mayans had no interaction with those beliefs until centuries after their subjugation by the Spanish conquistadors, it seems quite unlikely that a Mayan god would make someone into its 'avatar'. Almost as unlikely as Kevin Millar being an ethnologist. Who the gently caress am I kidding? I never went to college? I mean, I did go to college for like a week, but then I cowboy upped all over the dean's car after I had been drinking, and I got suspended, so I decided to get revenge on the dean by releasing a skunk in his office, but I accidentally got a badger instead, and apparently badgers can be dangerous. So I got expelled. That kind of sucked. Still, I checked wikipedia, and I'm pretty sure there aren't any avatars in Mexico or whatever."

Either way, the Bangers seemed motivated, and demolished the Tornados, scoring 22 runs, and making any further summary of the action completely unnecessary. Therefore, it will not be discussed.

Game 6 will take place in Fukuoka. Lefty Grove will start for the Tornados against Dazzy Vance, who will look to end this series for the Finger-Bangers.

GAME NOTES

-22 runs. gently caress.

-Although seven of those were unearned as the Tornados made five errors, including three from John McGraw, who apparently decided not to give a gently caress.

-Every member of the Bangers' starting lineup reached base at least three times, and that includes the pitcher, Addie Joss, who went 3-for-5 with a triple.

-At one point, the Bangers led 19-1.

Box Score

Game 6

Don May posted:

TORNADOS REFUSE TO LET SERIES END WITH 6-5 WIN

Fukuoka- And there will be a Game 7!

The Tornados did not play a very good game today, giving up five runs, but two costly errors by Edgar Martinez allowed them to add three unearned runs to the three runs they did earn, giving them a surprising 6-5 win, and making it theoretically possible for the Tornados to win this series in Game 7.

Edgar Martinez apologized after the game, "You know, there is a reason why people talk about putting me into the Hall of Fame as a designated hitter, and that's because I'm a very, very bad fielder. Hell, I don't actually know how a fielder's glove works. That's what you call it, right? I mean, I think I might be wearing it wrong, but I don't even know. I think, at this point, that I'm just too old for me to learn how to be a real fielder. Sorry."

Marauder was not amused, "I would have thought the beating in Game 5 would have been enough, but apparently I'll have to teach these wayward children another listen in respect. And I will. That is for certain."

For the Tornados, on the eve of their date with destiny, UltimoDragonQuest finally gave that pep talk he was promising, "Uh...okay, so, uh, the thing about tomorrow's game, which is really important, is that, uh, what we want to do is get off to kind of a fast start...um...not that we're not going to finish strong or anything, it's just that we want to start strong, okay? So, you know, that's going to be tough. The Bangers are, ah, a good team, they're pretty good, so, uh, we just need to get ourselves ready to handle that, because it's going to be tough. So, uh, let's get to it, because, you know, this is going to be the biggest game in Super-League history, and we're...uh...way better than the Finger-Bangers, who fail every morning when they wake up...by...um...existing. Right, okay, so, that's our plan, we're going to get out there and lose! I mean, win! We're definitely, probably, maybe going to win this game, and it is going to be um...epic. Uh...thanks."

After that speech, the reaction in the Tornados' locker room was swift and negative. "I kind of want to lose now," said Steve, Prince of Fate, "Should we prevail, we would subject the world to more of UltimoDragonQuest's....musings. I am not sure if I am willing to be held responsible for that."

Game 7 will be the final game of the series. Don Drysdale for the Tornados will go against the Bangers' Joe Williams.

Box Score

Game 7

Don May posted:

BANGERS WIN 18-4

Fukuoka- Way to go, Tornados. Way to loving go.

Box Score

A Proclamation from Commissar Smasher Dynamo

WHEREAS, despite the efforts of 30 other owners, Marauder has managed to get both of his teams in the finals; and

WHEREAS, the prospect of a Marauder vs. Marauder series would be about the least exciting thing ever; and

WHEREAS, Marauder, owning both teams, could arrange his roster in such a manner as to effectively hand the series to whichever of his teams as he chose; and

WHEREAS, in this time of Super-League contraction that spots in Super-League IX are scarce; and

WHEREAS, allowing Marauder to own two teams has run its course and done some damage to the competitive balance of the league; and

WHEREAS, not allowing Marauder to create a new team to replace whichever team the Macho Men retired would obviate the need for a ninth round of the Gauntlet;

WHEREAS, consultations have been made with Marauder on all of these subjects;

THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that The Fukuoka Finger-Bangers will play the Macho Men in a streak vs. career best-of-nine game series scheduled for Monday.

Further, BE IT ALSO RESOLVED that Round 9 of the Gauntlet is hereby cancelled, with the Oneida Mighty Spooners and Cleveland Unicorns being granted automatic survival to Super-League IX.

By order of the Commissar of the Super-League, Smasher Dynamo, on this, the 16th day of February, year of our lord 2013.

FINAL Pick'em
_{Pick the winner, number of games (best of nine), and final score}
Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ Macho Men

# ? Feb 17, 2013 03:24

CVE: Jan 27, 2012

Pick 'em

The only possibility that may result in me winning is betting on the unlikely so

Bangers in 6 (8 - 4)

# ? Feb 17, 2013 03:37

ToiletofSadness: Mar 27, 2010

Hahaha, dear god, 40 runs in those last 2 wins...

Expansion Cup VII Playoff and Gauntlet Pick Em For Super League VII Scores and Standings
Through DLCS

pre:

Gricklegrass            44
Pander                  44
Armitage                42
cbx                     35
gingemidget             33
Monathin                33
Senerio                 31
theacox                 29
CVE                     28
NotThatSamBeckett       26
Mooseontheloose         23
Gabriel Pope            22
ScottyJSno              13
Bograt                   3

Thanks to being the only team to pick the Bangers in 7 games, Pander moves into a tie for the lead. And with only Gauntlet round 8 and the "Main Event" to go, it's a tight race between Gricklegrass, Pander, and Armitage. Anyone else hoping to vie for that coveted extra draft pick will need to score a perfect in the Macho Men-Finger Bangers series.

# ? Feb 17, 2013 03:43

The Merry Marauder: Apr 4, 2009; "But she goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own."

Splendid! Does the Macho Men challenge use the DH?

# ? Feb 17, 2013 03:47

UltimoDragonQuest: Oct 5, 2011

I appreciate Pander's support.
I took those fuckers to 7 games and I'd do it again!

# ? Feb 17, 2013 03:58

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The Merry Marauder posted:

Splendid! Does the Macho Men challenge use the DH?

You aren't a DH team so...no.

# ? Feb 17, 2013 04:17

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

The Jacksonville Jobbers are going to go with the Macho Men in 8 games, with the final score 5-3.

# ? Feb 17, 2013 04:19

cbx: Dec 4, 2007; Smasher Dynamo's assistant of the Super-League.

FINAL Pick'em

Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ Macho Men 7 games, final score 6-2

# ? Feb 17, 2013 04:30

Senerio: Oct 19, 2009; Roëmænce is ælive!

Smasher Dynamo posted:

FINAL Pick'em
_{Pick the winner, number of games (best of nine), and final score}
Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ Macho Men in 6, 2-1

# ? Feb 17, 2013 05:01

GrickleGrass: Dec 18, 2011; I speak for the trees.

Pick 'Em
Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ Macho Men, in 7 games, F: 5-3

Ah, it'd be nice to get a sandwich pick but as far as I'm concerned this is my first season so I'm lucky my know-nothing picks got me this close. Even a second or third place finish would be like the sweetest kick in the nuts ever felt.

I'm not even sure that it would make my team that much better, more just that I'd be able to say I won something.

Go Macho Men-atees!

# ? Feb 17, 2013 05:28

theacox: Jun 8, 2010; You can't be serious.

FINAL Pick'em
Pick the winner, number of games (best of nine), and final score
Macho Men,8,6-3

# ? Feb 17, 2013 05:42

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Pick 'em: God Loves, Men Pick 'ems
_{Pick TWO!}
Burma Imperialists
Oxbridge Mathematicians"
Philadelphia Failures
Web 2.0 Bloggers

Macho men in 8, final game being 8-6.

# ? Feb 17, 2013 06:59

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

So, it's finally time. I have absolutely no clue which way this one is going, so it's Hail Mary time:

FINAL Pick'em
_{Pick the winner, number of games (best of nine), and final score}
Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ New York Macho Men in 9, final score 7-5

# ? Feb 17, 2013 15:04

UZworm: Feb 9, 2009; Young wild Elsweyrian
C'mon baby, do you have a soul gem

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Further, BE IT ALSO RESOLVED that Round 9 of the Gauntlet is hereby cancelled, with the Oneida Mighty Spooners and Cleveland Unicorns being granted automatic survival to Super-League IX.

Best Marauder vs. Marauder series ever! :parrot:

# ? Feb 17, 2013 17:25

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

GrickleGrass posted:

Pick 'Em
Fukuoka Finger-Bangers @ Macho Men, in 7 games, F: 5-3

Ah, it'd be nice to get a sandwich pick but as far as I'm concerned this is my first season so I'm lucky my know-nothing picks got me this close. Even a second or third place finish would be like the sweetest kick in the nuts ever felt.

I'm not even sure that it would make my team that much better, more just that I'd be able to say I won something.

Go Macho Men-atees!

I've been trying to gauge regular season success, how teams did toward the end vs beginning, injuries, and projected rosters to pick winners. Good to know it's about as good as picking randomly!

(I really need that sandwich pick, have you SEEN my pitching staff?)

# ? Feb 17, 2013 18:51

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

All I want for Presidents' Day is the final end of the Web 2.0 Bloggers. Who's with me?

Burma Imperialists

Armitage (JAC)
cbx (DEC)
GrickleGrass (MAN)
Monathin (CNT)
Pander (SAD)
Senerio (NOW)
theacox (CER)

Oxbridge Mathematicians

cbx (DEC)
gingemidget (WAL)
Monathin (CNT)
Pander (SAD)
theacox (CER)

Philadelphia Failures

gingemidget (WAL)

Web 2.0 Bloggers

Armitage (JAC)
GrickleGrass (MAN)
Senerio (NOW)

Not a ton of consensus other than the Imperialists are probably going to survive. Okay, let's get this over with.

Results!

drat it all to hell! I give you bastards one simple job: Kill the Bloggers, and you gently caress it all up! What the hell, guys? What the loving hell?

Imperialists and Bloggers Survive to Super-League IX!

Great run, now try to avoid something like happening again next season, okay?

Some day, Revenant Threshold, I'll be able to forgive you and give your team the obit it deserves. But you broke my heart today, so it's not going to happen right now.

3-11 against the Bloggers? Seriously? The hell happened?

drat it.

Alignment for Super-League IX!

30 teams means that we can either go with 15-15 or 16-14. As it happens, it looks like we have more DH teams than non-DH teams, so we'll go with the latter.

Dynamo League

Memento Mori Division
Antarctica Unspecifieds
Burma Imperialists
Cancun Tornados
Web 2.0 Bloggers

Vae Victis Division
Coburns
Lovable Losers
Omaha Forgettables
Rockford Losers
Tijuana Mules

Sic Transit Vir Division
CERN Colliders
Cleveland Unicorns
Mighty Oneida Spooners
Million Dollar Men
Patagonian Postmodernists

Smasher League

Mark Bellhorn Division
Barons
Detroit Cougars
Finger Lakes Phoenixes
Jacksonville Jaguars
Nowhere Men

Senor Goodtimes Division
Canton Catastrophes
Lombard St. Gumshoes
Luna Landers
Montreal Manatees
New Orleans Mashers
Sad Pandas

Norris-Smythe Division
Harvard Elites
Idaho Potatoes
Ryleh Cultists
South Bolton Eazy W's
Walney Rakers

# ? Feb 18, 2013 00:16

Revenant Threshold: Jan 1, 2008

Hey, we had a winning record against the Bloggers (and only the Bloggers)! The Maths did their part.

I'm going to blame that one entirely on Miguel Cabrera. Partially because, holy hell, look at that OBA compared to everyone else being champs or at least acceptable. But mostly I want to avoid that ire.

Lesson taken from this first season in the Super League; finally, finally, I have found Lincecum's niche. Also hitting for power might be important.

Revenant Threshold fucked around with this message at 00:36 on Feb 18, 2013

# ? Feb 18, 2013 00:33

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# ? May 23, 2024 19:56

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

I will make it easy and go no-DH so we can have an even number of teams in both leagues!

# ? Feb 18, 2013 00:43

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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