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Barudak
May 7, 2007

Minutia posted:

To lectures on how he's just attracted to me

Whoa whoa whoa, someone did that?

Fccccck.

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Minutia
Feb 12, 2013

Barudak posted:

Whoa whoa whoa, someone did that?

Fccccck.

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything, he's just being appreciative. He doesn't even think you're that hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair. Speaking of which, you really should dress prettier."

Minutia fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Mar 12, 2013

landcollector
Feb 28, 2011

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything. He doesn't even think you're hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair."

:stare:

:stonk:

That is all.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything. He doesn't even think you're hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair."

:stare:

Who thinks like this?

Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010
Ultra Carp

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything, he's just being appreciative. He doesn't even think you're that hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair. Speaking of which, you really should dress prettier."

:stare:

That's... uh, wow. Just... wow.

K Prime
Nov 4, 2009

At one point I was playing a character named Varran. Varran was a knight with a deeply held sense of honor, justice and goodness.

Varran was also a bit of an idiot, with an inbuilt propensity to leap before he looked and charge before evaluating the situation. Being bright enough to recognize this problem, he generally surrounded himself with more thoughtful friends.

Sometimes, though, the rest of the party just couldn't hold Varran back.

We'd reached a small, but prosperous kingdom at the far edge of civilization, after receiving a letter probably meant for someone else asking for help with an unknown problem.

The king was overjoyed to see us, since frankly he'd expected the original recipient to tell him to piss up a rope anyway, and explained his issue: His kingdom's prosperity was assured by allowing the king's children to enter the magically... affected forest at the east border. Sometimes, they came back stronger or smarter, sometimes cursed or ruined, and often they didn't come back at all. Regardless, that was the price of the kingdom's good luck; and since they always came back with memories erased, nobody had any clue what happened in there. Anyone sent to guard them were turned back by a mysterious force at the forest bounds- further attempts usually resulted in such astounding back luck that even the most desperate weren't willing.

The king had only one child, a son, by his late wife, and was beside himself with terror, as the rules of the compact promised dire results if his bloodline were to die. At this point, Varran revealed that he was a noble's son and actually knew things about lineages and succession, surprising the hell out of everyone else who were used to him screaming about courage while punching problems in the nose.

It was within weeks of the son's 16 birthday and despite much hard work neither king nor adventurers could discover a loophole, until Varran mentioned a course of action no one else had thought of because it was too loving stupid: "What if you adopted me?"

After an hour of the DM scrambling to rewrite the adventure play resumed with Varran and party accompanying his new brother into the forest, after signing a contract swearing not to seek the throne unless all other candidates were dead. Due to the fact that he was technically of the blood, no compact was violated- he was simply fulfilling his duty a decade late. Due to the fact he was not actually of the blood, the amnesia curse had no effect. Varran thus emerged from the forest with full knowledge of the happenings within, and a new purpose.

Unfortunately, the brother did not, though Varran was able to assure the panicked King that his child was safe and would return after a period of education and a journey to what the forest hid- a pilgrimage of sorts. The forest did not turn out to be malevolent: just really picky.

Unfortunately, the king was now panicked for a different reason: a marriage contract had just come due. For his "eldest son."

And that's how my character ended up in a shotgun wedding.

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything, he's just being appreciative. He doesn't even think you're that hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair. Speaking of which, you really should dress prettier."
Jesus loving christ, I would abandon all of these people. "It's your fault you're so pretty, he can't help himself! Also, your potential attacker doesn't approve of the way you dress, you should wear sexier things so it's easier for him to undress you with his eyes." What the actual gently caress.

K Prime posted:

Fey pacts and shotgun weddings
This is a wonderful shot of goodness that this thread sorely needed.

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

So, what was happening in the forest, exactly? And who did Varran have to marry? This sounds awesome, and like it turned into a lot of fun for everyone.

Minutia
Feb 12, 2013
Sorry for turning the thread into sadness and horror again. That's the last of my horrifyingly bad D&D stories - the rest is just good D&D and non-cat-piss bad D&D.

Here is a good D&D story:

The Gnoll Slumber Party

A few years ago, I decided to run the Tomb of Damara module for some of my friends. It's the starter adventure from the box kit that got me into D&D when I was a kid - a pretty typical dungeon-crawling macguffin hunt. I wanted to run it for nostalgia's sake (and I still have the map) and I figured it would be a good way to introduce some people to D&D.

I updated it to 3.5 and kept the restricted equipment list so people wouldn't spend forever shopping, but caved to peer pressure and let them have any weapons they wanted.

The party:
A socially inept druid who used Purify Food And Drink to make bathtub moonshine.
A rogue with a spiked chain and a blatant disregard for the hit points of his allies.
A revoltingly smelly dwarf fighter with nunchucks and a large amount of rope.
A cleric of Cthulhu with an alcohol problem.
A pacifist half orc bard with a stash of communist propaganda.

I have never seen an adventure derailed so fast. It started with selling flutes to children, buying the world's worst donkey, hitting on the dwarven blacksmith, writing a review of the town herald's trumpeting, framing the dwarven store owner for assault, and throwing chamber pots. Then they finally took the plot hook and went to the castle.

At the castle, the group adopted a baby carrion crawler, tried to pickpocket each other, covered a piece of paper in poison, threw a party that killed several kobolds with alcohol poisoning, seduced an orc, sponsored a gnoll's initiation into druidhood, tried to pickpocket the prisoner they were there to rescue, and convinced a gnoll to let them spend the night locked in the chapel.

Amazingly, they actually did get the Orb of Dragonkind and save the village. And start a communist uprising in the wizard's tower.

The adventure was ridiculous, but we had a great time, and several of the players kept playing D&D. One of them's even a DM now.

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth
I really wanna hear about buying the world's worst donkey, if only because I'm currently imagining one of you just not understanding the merchant and assuming it's the most elaborate reverse psychology gambit ever.

Minutia
Feb 12, 2013

Tatum Girlparts posted:

I really wanna hear about buying the world's worst donkey, if only because I'm currently imagining one of you just not understanding the merchant and assuming it's the most elaborate reverse psychology gambit ever.

The druid's problem was that he was a cheapass. He didn't want to shell out for an actual donkey, so the merchant told him there was a discount donkey, warning him that it was a horrible, violent, flea-ridden animal. He thought it was hilarious. He consistently rolled low on his Handle Animal checks whenever he tried to make friends with it. Luckily, it usually rolled low on its attempts to bite the druid.

Come to think of it, he didn't even want to ride it, and never had enough equipment to need the donkey to carry things. He just really enjoyed collecting awful, unfriendly animals. He petitioned me for a foul-smelling badger at one point - not as an animal companion or useful pet, just to have it follow him around. I think he developed a habit of leaving the donkey near party members he didn't like.

The party concluded that the druid had bought a Dire Donkey. It did come in handy when a large, nasty gnoll tried to steal the donkey - the party couldn't tell whether they were sorrier for the donkey or the gnoll in that encounter, but the donkey remained unstolen.

K Prime
Nov 4, 2009

Varran and the Mysterious Marriage

Further investigations into the mystery of the forest (which I will get to) were suitably derailed by wedding preparations- by which I mean Varran desperately hiring every nearby medieval lawyer-equivalent with his adventuring money to see if there was any usable hole in the contract. Unfortunately, it was air-tight, and Varran was duly married to a woman he'd never even met. Which was the whole reason he ran away from being a noble's son in the first place. Needless to say, he was not pleased.

He was honestly slightly more pleased when it turned out to be part of a bigger scheme. The woman, Lara's, father, Duke Edmond of Garveyshire, was the next-door neighbor of our erstwhile compacted kingdom of Derandia, and was tired of being merely a duke. Having heard of the compact and researched it, he had come to a similar conclusion to Varran through less boneheaded means: He intended to marry his daughter into the family and then use the new connection to the proper bloodline to usurp power over the forest using some profane magical nonsense ritual involving probably baby-eating. No one really cared about how.

Unfortunately for Edmond Varran was just so bone-headedly likable that his daughter up and quit his scheme the moment they got a chance to discover that maybe being married wasn't so bad. In fact, Varran was a good husband and a good man, two things that Duke Edmond was decidedly not. After his new wife broke down and confessed the scheme (as well as the abuse she'd suffered under Edmond's none-too-subtle hand) Varran vowed to bring his new father in-law down in a way he'd never had to fight before.

Legally.

And so our brave knight found himself cast, into a new role.

James Varran: Private Eye.

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

This one time we had a potentially volatile situation on our hands. Two powerful trade guild leaders were set to marry and we didn't really give a poo poo until our own ship's navigator broke down drinking, because he knew one of the leaders from way back and she had always been dead set on marrying a young captain who a few years ago mysteriously disappeared. He swore this had to be a marriage born from politics and the other leader must have had a hand in it, but without proof he could just sit there and watch.

Well, we weren't gonna have our buddy sit there and get depressed over this. Also when he drank his navigating went to poo poo. At a distant third there was the matter of not letting someone marry the murderer of her fiance I guess. So we went and stole a few letters from the young captain to the guild leader proving absolutely everything beyond the shadow of a doubt that had been kept from her by Dastardly Other Guild Leader.

One problem. These people were high up in society. We couldn't dream of just waltzing in there with the letters, she was busy with wedding preparations and guild business, and even if we could have, the Dastardly Leader's men were all around the place and would surely take the letters from us and disappear us if they got wind of what we were up to. Neither could we sneak in because her quarters were heavily guarded. We were up all night debating ways to solve the problem, acutely aware that the wedding came ever closer and that our navigator had ordered a crate of rum.

With dawn approaching, I sat up and said, "guys, we're overthinking this. They're letters. Pop one in the mail with a note telling her where to meet us for more info, mark it 'personal' and we're golden."

Our DM paused for a second, looked at me and said, "You really do have a knack for bypassing whole adventures with one completely reasonable solution, you know that?"

One cancelled wedding, one reward and one public trial that saw the Dastardly Leader go pirate with what few loyal men he had remaining later, and we rejoined our sober navigator and had him point the way to the next adventure. Really quickly because now there was a pirate with a grudge around somewhere.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything, he's just being appreciative. He doesn't even think you're that hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair. Speaking of which, you really should dress prettier."

Sever.

Adelheid
Mar 29, 2010

Minutia posted:

Yuuuup.

"Minutia, I think it's dumb that you're turtling up in huge hoodies because you're uncomfortable with how :butt: looks at you and makes sexual jokes about you. You are pretty, and you have to get comfortable with people being attracted to you. Besides, it's just :butt:. It's not like he's gonna do anything, he's just being appreciative. He doesn't even think you're that hot - he told me how much he dislikes the way you dress and style your hair. Speaking of which, you really should dress prettier."

I really hope you're not still talking to any of these people.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

Minutia posted:

The Gnoll Slumber Party

A pacifist half orc bard with a stash of communist propaganda.


I was reading saying "this sounds like Paranoia", but that part sealed it.

Minutia
Feb 12, 2013

Adelheid posted:

I really hope you're not still talking to any of these people.

The person who said that poo poo is my sister, so I'm not cutting off contact. I'm just not approaching her for help with creeps ever again. It's sad, but that's how it goes, and I still do want to play D&D. At least I now have the ability to veto new players if they're creepy.

Golden Bee posted:

I was reading saying "this sounds like Paranoia", but that part sealed it.

That's hilarious, because the person playing the half-orc bard was actually the sweetest person in the group, who earnestly wanted to solve the adventure in the nicest possible manner (by using a lot of diplomacy checks and also dismantling the anthrocentric wizard-supremacist capitalist hegemony). I don't know that Paranoia would be her game (isn't it pretty cutthroat?), but it does sound like a game for groups that are good at derailing plots. Do you have any good stories about it?

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Minutia posted:

That's hilarious, because the person playing the half-orc bard was actually the sweetest person in the group, who earnestly wanted to solve the adventure in the nicest possible manner (by using a lot of diplomacy checks and also dismantling the anthrocentric wizard-supremacist capitalist hegemony). I don't know that Paranoia would be her game (isn't it pretty cutthroat?), but it does sound like a game for groups that are good at derailing plots. Do you have any good stories about it?

Search through this thread, and if you have archives search through the Best Experiences thread that this one came from. The stories about paranoia sound magical and make me want to find a group to play it with. :allears:

Coward
Sep 10, 2009

I say we take off and surrender unconditionally from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure



.

Volmarias posted:

Search through this thread, and if you have archives search through the Best Experiences thread that this one came from. The stories about paranoia sound magical and make me want to find a group to play it with. :allears:


Well, may as well post my best moment in Paranoia.

After the usual Briefing Room insanity, we bunch of Red goons get our mission from Friend Computer. Apparently there's a mutant stirring up trouble in BAD sector who's planning to lead a coup against the Computer. We're to be dropped off by a Heli-transport in the middle of the sector, work out what's going on and bring the traitors to justice. Laser justice. I hand the GM a note and say that I'm happy for him to ignore it if he wants.

So the GM describes the Heli-transport arriving, the doors opening and everyone hopping out. People start working out where they are, getting their bearings, some are wondering if there's going to be a moment to meet up with Secret Society contacts. The Team Leader begins ordering someone to start a survey of the area, but before the guy can argue back that the Team Leader doesn't trust in the Computer's maps, the GM describes a Vulture Squadron craft coming in fast. No one is able to react before a ridiculously huge carpet bombing run obliterates everything in the area.

Confused, the team reassembles in the Briefing Room to find my character in a new Orange jumpsuit being congratulated by the Computer and introduced as the new Team Leader. I bask warmly in the good-natured yells of "Motherfucker!" directed at me.

My note to the GM read something to the effect of, "I wish to hide in the Heli-transport and return to base without anyone noticing I'm gone, and report in that the entire team had turned traitor due to the mutant's powers and that an immediate incineration of the entire sector is required." I honestly did not expect the GM to go with it, but he was so amused that he just transferred the elements of the mission he had planned into the next one and just had everyone mark up their clones by one.

The story does have a happy ending, though. Shortly through the next mission, one of the other players managed to trap me with logic into accompanying him into a radioactive venting tunnel while he was packing one of the R&D devices (I would've been fine if he'd had to use his Red laser against my Orange armour), and then somehow got out with his clone intact.

Pyradox
Oct 23, 2012

...some kind of monster, I think.

Paranoia was the first game I played and I was the team leader It was really fun in general, but my favorite moment was during the debriefing shortly after we were informed we'd completed the entirely wrong mission and been forced to explain why we hadn't stopped a nuclear meltdown and were instead chasing malfunctioning robots.

Friend Computer decided the best way to assign blame was to give us questionnaires to fill out about how we thought the mission went and how the team performed. For some reason (I might have been tired or just not paying attention) I read the yes/no answer boxes the other way around and filled out the entire form to imply we'd done a horrible job and probably deserved to die.

Once everyone handed their papers in Friend Computer naturally informed me that this was unacceptable and I'd be executed for my incompetence. Looking to rub it in, the GM he handed me a card telling me to literally sign my own death warrant. I was in the middle of kicking myself for my inattention when I had an idea. I glanced over at the guy next to me's character sheet and signed his name instead. The GM got an exceptionally evil grin on his face and informed the unsuspecting guy whose name I'd signed that as the team leader I was well within my right to enter my fellow troubleshooters into binding contracts, at which point his character was given an acid bath (depleting his last clone) and I walked away scott free.

I need to play some more Paranoia.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Minutia posted:

The person who said that poo poo is my sister, so I'm not cutting off contact. I'm just not approaching her for help with creeps ever again. It's sad, but that's how it goes, and I still do want to play D&D. At least I now have the ability to veto new players if they're creepy.

Really, while Limb Guy and Super Creep are completely unacceptable, the rest of your circle sounds like the usual group of geek social fallacy sufferers who think rejecting anyone is the same as being a bully. This is the kind of thing people need to be trained out immediately, or they end up like Limb Guy and Super Creep; complete inability to tell boundaries or what's appropriate, latching onto every and any single drop of bullshit power they can get over others, and doing it into their darn 40's and 50's. It's almost as tragic as it is disgusting and horrible.

Minutia posted:

I don't know that Paranoia would be her game (isn't it pretty cutthroat?), but it does sound like a game for groups that are good at derailing plots.

The main thing to remember about Paranoia is, above all else, it is NOT meant to be taken seriously. A lot of PnP RPG's are built around the idea that you will grow fond of your character and try to work together: Paranoia is a world where insanity reigns, death is around every corner, and you should act as insane as the world. Paranoia is NOT a game where you can fix the Computer, save the downtrodden, or make the world better: it's a world where you try and gloriously, creatively gently caress over your teammates in a way that is overall amusing, and they try and do the same.

Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 04:55 on Mar 13, 2013

EVIL Gibson
Mar 23, 2001

Internet of Things is just someone else's computer that people can't help attaching cameras and door locks to!
:vapes:
Switchblade Switcharoo

Cornwind Evil posted:

Really, while Limb Guy and Super Creep are completely unacceptable, the rest of your circle sounds like the usual group of geek social fallacy sufferers who think rejecting anyone is the same as being a bully. This is the kind of thing people need to be trained out immediately, or they end up like Limb Guy and Super Creep; complete inability to tell boundaries or what's appropriate, latching onto every and any single drop of bullshit power they can get over others, and doing it into their darn 40's and 50's. It's almost as tragic as it is disgusting and horrible.


The main thing to remember about Paranoia is, above all else, it is NOT meant to be taken seriously. A lot of PnP RPG's are built around the idea that you will grow fond of your character and try to work together: Paranoia is a world where insanity reigns, death is around every corner, and you should act as insane as the world. Paranoia is NOT a game where you can fix the Computer, save the downtrodden, or make the world better: it's a world where you try and gloriously, creatively gently caress over your teammates in a way that is overall amusing, and they try and do the same.

And don't worry about dying. Everyone starts with a six-pack of clones WHO ARE INVARIABLY CLEAN OF ANY MUTANT OR SECRET-SOCIETY-JOINING TENDENCIES - Friend Computer.

So you can trust this new guy. He's a good 'un! You should feel perfectly safe in turning your back on the guy who just ratted you out.

Friend Computer is always right!

most of the time, Friend Computer doesn't know a drat thing


If you read the above spoiler, continue to the next one


Please report to the nearest Security Team for summary execution for reading Anti-Friend Computer Propaganda

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

EVIR Gibson posted:

most of the time, Friend Computer doesn't know a drat thing


If you read the above spoiler, continue to the next one


Please report to the nearest Security Team for summary execution for reading Anti-Friend Computer Propaganda

This is obviously a test; friend computer wouldn't give us that kind of propaganda unless he wanted us to read it, and if he wanted us to read it that implies that he's against friend computer, that is, himself. Since this is a fallacy, it's clear that he only wanted to see how we would react. Since we trust in friend computer, we know not to take anything in that document seriously, and thus we will ignore the self-termination suggestion.

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



You're executed for accusing Friend Computer of using an invalid form of argumentation (assuming you had an actual fallacy in mind) or for misusing the word 'fallacy' (otherwise). Friend Computer always has a reason to execute (and don't you dare say it's a bad, pedantic, or silly reason, for that is an executable offense ;) )

FredMSloniker
Jan 2, 2008

Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.
The worst part about Paranoia is that this happens every time someone brings it up.

TalonDemonKing
May 4, 2011

Dear TG Experiences thread;

Yesterday I flying suplexed a bar wench into a hobgoblin, defeating them both.

The voice in my head who calls himself DM declares that this is an evil act; but I declare that this is justified, as the bar wench touched my mask, and the hobgoblin was burning down the tavern.

How can I suplex the voice in my head?

Yours truly,

El Chuabarbarbacabara

SpookyLizard
Feb 17, 2009
How the poo poo do you say that?

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Step 1: Reach across the table.

Step 2: Seize his or her shoulders tightly.

Step 3: Suplex vigorously.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company
"DM," you must tell the wayward head-voice, "while I would agree with you that this is perhaps a chaotic act, it surely cannot be called evil, for it accomplished multiple goals that are only to the good - that the hobgoblin stop burning down the bar, that the bar wench stop touching my mask, and that my burning need for suplexing be sated. Oh, you may say that the bar wench should not have been suplexed, but I say to you that her suplexing was an unfortunate byproduct of my need to suplex something onto the hobgoblin to make him stop; she was collateral damage. Surely you would not claim that slamming a steel chair into the face of my archnemesis would be wicked because it damages the chair!"

Then suplex it. Mentally. Because it is in your head.

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Oh, you may say that the bar wench should not have been suplexed, but I say to you that her suplexing was an unfortunate byproduct of my need to suplex something

Pretty sure suplexes are an inherent good.

(eta quote)

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 16:11 on Mar 14, 2013

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Doc Hawkins posted:

Pretty sure suplexes are an inherent good.

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

Samuel L. Hacksaw
Mar 26, 2007

Never Stop Posting
The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Traditional Games > Good, Bad, I'm the one with the Cat-Piss: Suplexes are an inherent good.

TalonDemonKing
May 4, 2011

SpookyLizard posted:

How the poo poo do you say that?

I couldn't actually say 'Chubacabra' without horribly butchering it halfway through, so I've just been pronouncing it differently every time and adding in more and more letters to it.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
So would that mean the alignment of a Luchador of St Cuthbert would be Lawful Suplex?

Mad Fnorder
Apr 22, 2008
...Are... Are you actually playing a Luchador Paladin? That's always been one of my dreams.

Captain Walker
Apr 7, 2009

Mother knows best
Listen to your mother
It's a scary world out there
Pretty sure I've got my next Dungeon World character, you excellent bastard. Muy bien.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

In one of the OctaNe games I ran on the forums, Dthulhu was running a luchador who among other things dropkicked a truck to death.

Minutia
Feb 12, 2013
Those Aren't Rats

In high school, a girl in my gaming group told me that her dad offered to DM a campaign for us. I was thrilled – a real grown-up DM with twenty years of experience! This was gonna be great!

We got there, and he had a great setup – painted minis for everyone, and amazing little resin dungeon floors and walls you could put together. He even had little fiddly bits like doors and bookshelves, and up in glass shelves around the room he had some enormous minis – fancy beautifully painted limited-edition dragons, a balrog with transparent resin flames, that sort of thing. He sank a serious amount of time and money into this hobby. I was impressed.

He showed off his minis for a while, and then we settled down to game. The DM had invited one of his friends to play too, which was a bit awkward since the rest of the group was a bunch of highschoolers, but whatever. We started at first level, and got hired to catch rats in a tavern's cellar. After killing the rats and some flesh-burrowing maggot-things (rot grubs, I think?), we found a tunnel in the basement.

We followed it, and it ended on a mountain trail where we believed we'd find some orcs, have a level-appropriate scuffle with a scouting party, and then return to the village with enough advanced warning about an orc raid that we could fight it off when we were higher level. The trail went pretty far, but we kept walking, waiting for the encounter, since there was no way the DM would drag out the hike so long without something at the end of it.

We met a paladin.

As we quickly learned, this was a level 20 paladin, and the DM's former character.

This paladin warned us that there were vast armies of demons and devils right across the mountain ridge. We took a peek. There sure were. The paladin informed us that there was some sort of plot-significant wizard's tower right between the armies, and we could choose to investigate it. We were a little uneasy, since we just signed on to kill some rats, but we didn't want to derail the DM's plot, since we weren't sure if he had planned for anything else. And, well, not much point in rat-catching if the village is about to get swarmed by unholy armies.

We sprinted across the battlefield as the DM described his paladin plowing through demons and devils, and tried the door. It was locked. The rogue started frantically trying to pick the lock as Super Paladin held back the waves of enemies. Our group of first-level characters just clustered around the door, because literally everything was way above our pay grade. Maybe we got off a couple shots, but this army was infinite.

The lock was a pretty high DC, and the rogue wasn't rolling too well. So between shield-bashing and decapitating foes, Super Paladin turned around, waved his hand in a benediction, and gave the rogue a huge bonus to her roll.

The door popped open, we piled in, and we barred it after us. We then got railroaded down the corridor with a wall of force, and maybe we got to fight some skeletons, I don't really remember, and then we got to a bridge over a huge chasm.

The DM opened up his glass case and pulled out his expensive balrog mini, and put it down on the table.
We got treated to a long, lovingly described scene in which Super Paladin singlehandedly fended off a pit fiend, assuring us that he could handle this and that we should go on ahead, he'd catch up.

Yeah, we didn't game with that guy again.

SpaceViking
Sep 2, 2011

Who put the stars in the sky? Coyote will say he did it himself, and it is not a lie.

Doc Hawkins posted:

Pretty sure suplexes are an inherent good.

(eta quote)

There was actually an L5R session we were in where our angry Matsu shugenja suplexed our Kakita duelist onto a pile of Seppun Guardsmen. This was solely done so that the Hare clan samurai could sneak into the building and steal some documents from the Seppun guardsmen's room.

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Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


For those unfamiliar the language of Glorious Rokugan. a 'shugenja' is a wizard, 'Matsu' and 'Kakita' are family names, 'Seppun' are servants and guards of the Emperor, and a 'Hare' is a kind of large-eared rat famed for its agility and cleverness.

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