Notable Gaming Experiences: The Gospel According to CobiWann's DM

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sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

Coward posted:

So the guards then ask to see his ownership papers, since Anthony decided to go right after me and no sentient organics were in front of him in the queue and it's a fair question. Anthony proceeds to derisively snort that no one owns him.

Some of us start pointing out that in the Star Wars universe (as it was then - haven't been keeping up at all) Droids are expected to be owned. They're intelligent, but they're property andwedonotwanttogetintoaslaverydiscussionhere. On high security planets like this, a non-owned Droid is going to be very suspicious. It's all cool, one of the Jedi players can pretend to be his owner and Jeff nods that all that can have been sorted out before docking at the station.

Anthony goes loving mental. He had to fight over the Assassin Droid thing, and now he has to pretend to be owned? We all begin calmly explaining that he won't actually be owned, we're just pretending, none of the non-Droid characters are going to treat his character any differently, I mean, hell, there are Jedi travelling with a loving Assassin Droid for gently caress's sake. Anthony will not listen to a single word of this and starts getting really pissed off by the entire idea, not once backing down from loudly proclaiming to everyone that he's a free Droid. Now things start becoming a bit more pointed as Mal starts trying to work out how Anthony's character can be a functioning Assassin Droid if he refuses to infiltrate anywhere, Anthony tells Mal to shut up, I ask if Anthony's Droid phones ahead to his target to ask them to pick him up at the airport, and Anthony tells me to shut the gently caress up, and Jeff just asks again if there's no way Anthony won't just pretend to be owned by one of the Jedi characters.

With Anthony's absolute refusal to back down on this, Jeff decides he'll go ahead and play the scene. The Assassin Droid refuses to acknowledge ownership, the security officers decide there's something very curious about that so just ask the Droid to submit to a search, the Droid busts out some incredible fighting moves, taking down four security guards before the alarm is pushed, the security overwhelms and he gets taken away. Anthony is very huffy about all of this, and then starts crying bullshit when they put a restraining bolt on him. We all ask what the gently caress he was expecting, and he doesn't answer.

I was reading this imagining an Assassin Droid Rosa Parks refusing to get out of its seat on the space bus.

# ? Mar 20, 2013 22:39

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# ? May 14, 2024 01:27

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

My Lovely Horse posted:

That in turn reminds me of when I played Roosevelt, the quarterstaff specialist (he did speak softly, too), and our DM, who had a habit of playing fast and loose with the mechanics, included a very nice quarterstaff for me in a loot pile. One day I got distracted while levelling up, idly compared my equipment to the item creation chart and worked out that that staff alone, according to the wealth-by-level chart, was the equivalent of the entire possessions of a character 5 or 6 levels higher than Roosevelt was.

So, more like a buck-and-a-quarterstaff?

# ? Mar 20, 2013 23:41

Robindaybird: Aug 21, 2007; Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Phy posted:

So, more like a buck-and-a-quarterstaff?

but he's not telling him that.

# ? Mar 20, 2013 23:54

SpookyLizard: Feb 17, 2009

sebmojo posted:

I was reading this imagining an Assassin Droid Rosa Parks refusing to get out of its seat on the space bus.

Hahaha, this made it that much funnier.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 01:00

Coward: Sep 10, 2009; _{I say we take off and surrender unconditionally from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure}

.

Oh, dear lord, yes, if he'd played it like that I would've been backing him to the hilt.

Shame it was just a guy getting pissy because he was presented with a situation where his awesome and supersweet murderbot wasn't awesome and supersweet for fifteen seconds of game time.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 02:18

PunkBoy: Aug 22, 2008; You wanna get through this?

The Star Wars game I'm playing in is coming to a head, and it's been a lot of fun. We're using a modified version of the Lady Blackbird storygame system, and takes place right after Order 66 was enacted. There's been a lot of awesome moments, and the characters really play off on each other.

The main players are:

-Apollo: Jedi Order member, and secret husband and father.
-Shirraak: A Wookie mercenary that fights for the Republic.
-ARC 518 aka "Sarge": A clone trooper, and friend to Apollo
-Van: A cowardly pacifistic smuggler.
-Cal: My character. Another smuggler that has worked for both sides in the war.

The basic plot is that Apollo, Shirraak, and Cal are on a Republic ship full of Jedi, and is suddenly attacked. The party ends up being the only survivors since Cal has his personal ship, the Blackbird, and was able to elude whoever was attacking. They meet up with Sarge who is returning from a long range recon mission and they agree to work together. After landing on a nearby planet, they encounter Van and find out that the attack was committed by clone troopers, which confuses Sarge since he was outside of comm range when the attack began. The party assumes it's a bunch of rogue clones (obviously it's not but they don't know that) and we decide we need to somehow make it back to warn the Republic. Awesome moments include:

-A daring escape from the exploding Republic ship including a Wookie shaking an astromech droid hard enough to gain access to the hangar.
-Cal convincing a local crime boss to not only not extort money from the party for overpriced drinks, but to actually pay them to keep his illegal distillery hush hush.
-The party meeting a Hutt confined to a huge bacta tank, and convincing him that they would hunt down and turn over Van (who wronged him in the past) if he helped them out. (Meanwhile we hid Van in one of the smuggling holds of the Blackbird)
-After double-crossing the Hutt (and seemingly leaving him to be destroyed/arrested by the Republic), meeting and befriending a group of punk rock Wookies that abandoned their code and colonized an asteroid.
-The ending of the current game:

Van seemingly abandons the party after receiving a general alert granting amnesty and absolution of all crimes to anyone that turn him/herself in to a nearby Republic fleet. He wagers that he can get a good deal out of it since he has a datadisc that the Republic has been apparently looking for. Once on board the local Star Destroyer, he finds out that the Republic is heading towards the location where everyone else is, seemingly prepared to kill them all. He tries to warn everyone, but only convinces Shirraak and Cal. Sarge and Apollo think the Republic is going to come in and rescue them. Also he finds out the datadisc has a list of the personal information of hundreds of Jedi, but he doesn't get why they would need that. He gets offered a full pardon and a ship to just fly away. Meanwhile the rest of the party splits. Sarge and Apollo go off in an escape pod to await pickup from the Republic, while Shirraak and Cal wait off in the distance to see what happens. A Republic scout ship jumps in and gets ready to receive the pod. Suddenly, the Blackbird notices another cloaked ship enter the area gets ahead to intercept the pod. Cal and Shirraak figure out it's the Hutt wanting revenge, and argue whether to warn Sarge and Apollo and risk revealing themselves. This gets suddenly resolved when Shirraak puts on a space suit and jumps out the airlock...with Cal's astromech droid as a jet platform. He gets in closer to the pod and warns Sarge and Apollo, but reveals himself in the process. Meanwhile Cal is furious that he's lost yet another escape pod and his droid, and is debating on what to do. Van then contacts him through a secret smuggling channel. He had a change of heart to not try and disappear, and decided to stow on the scout ship and come back to somehow help. He convinces Cal to stick around by basically making him realize these guys are the closest thing he's going to get to friends. Cal angrily tells Van to get to an airlock and be prepared for a hot pickup. When it's time, he's going to swoop in and get everybody. The last scene of the session was inside the pod. Now that he knows the Hutt is nearby, Apollo decides he needs to go and kill him, since it was revealed earlier that the Hutt found out about Apollo's family. He sadly says goodbye to Sarge, opens the pod hatch (I guess they're both wearing EV suits or something) and floats towards the Hutt ship to board it. After he leaves, Sarge's comm crackles to life and gives one message: "Execute Order 66." The finale is shaping up to be crazy, and we all can't wait for it.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 06:33

dwarf74: Sep 2, 2012; Buglord

So there is something amazing going on on another site. It is not, however, my story. Is it verboten to repost here?

# ? Mar 21, 2013 20:25

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

A story is a story, dude, tell it.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 20:32

dwarf74: Sep 2, 2012; Buglord

The story starts out rather tame. Typical railroady DM. Frankly, kind of annoying player. Attaching the first few posts for context but... well, it's about to get amazing.

quote:

I have a friend who's developing a "universal" RPG of his own, and who's put together a CthulhuTech game (in setting only)to test his system. I asked about joining that game, and we worked out a character designed to test what is basically his spontaneous casting system. Then he told me to "do my worst".

See, I have something of a checkered past with RPGs, because I tend to think laterally too much. On the one hand, this has led to a passel of great stories; on the other, very few of these stories were the ones we had originally set out to tell. I kind of self-ban playing primary casters, let alone people with access to modern machine tools. So my worst is bad, but the DM assured me he could match whatever I could come up with as a sort of nerfed sorcerer (which is how he runs parapsychics).

I took that to mean the enemies would be inventive too. Apparently it meant that nothing in the setting or system was fixed. Some of this makes sense, of course. I can take entire schools of magic being axed for being too powerful (organic chemistry and alchemy mix too well), even from a "basically complete" system, and my spells known halved after the fact, and so forth.

What I can't take is when the same thing happens to the setting, following a sadly predictable pattern: if I need it, it's not true. When I want to dodge airborne surveillance by meeting someone under a tree, there aren't any parks or green spaces in arcologies. When I want to introduce home aquaponics as a money-making scheme (banking on the lack of greenery being a bit irksome to people), the arcologies are lousy with parks and everyone's full up on plants. The same has been true of nearly every aspect of my character's backstory; the surest way for me never to have met an NPC is to ask if I might still have their number from such-and-so incident a decade ago. Until they turn out to be evil, and suddenly we hung out all the time and he can pick me out of a crowd instantly. Bear in mind, I got my backstory written for me. Numbers jump based on who's asking, and I specifically have to give a detailed reason for any question I ask about the setting--and I can be sure that whatever the answer, it will last until I come up with a new plan based on the implications of that answer.

Now, the other players have had this happen too, and unfortunately for most people involved I work well with all of them, so they've had it happen a lot more around me. The setting and system are both getting so twisted they're basically unplayable, and the whole thing has taken on a 1984-esque feel where we take nothing for granted because the old world gets constantly sucked down the memory hole. We can show him the chat logs where he definitely said X was true, and the response, paraphrased, is "that was when you wanted to [do A]. Now I'm ruling [X is false]."

This is the same man who claims we can't derail his adventure because there are no rails and we're free to do anything. I suppose there aren't rails because we wanted to move something by train once.

Now, I could just leave, but the DM's put a lot of time and effort into this setting and the sessions are still fun; the fundamental inconstancy of the universe just means my plans are a lot more chaotic, which is great in a secret agent game. I'd rather just figure out how to stop pushing his buttons before he nerfs his system beyond playability and goes nuts trying to come up with a setting where nothing we want to do is possible.

So why might he be taking this approach to DMing, and how do I work with it?

Okay. So kinda tame. Railroady, idea-quashing DMs mixed in with a player who maybe thinks a little too much of himself.

quote:

As far as consistently allowed actions go, thus far I've always been able to buy coffee without any problems. So maybe coffee-shops are islands of stability in an increasingly mad world. Insofar as useful actions go, though, we typically hit upon them randomly. He's not the type to suggest things; asking him what we ought to do was the first thing I tried.

While I haven't thought that the instability of the world is by design, thinking of it that way makes me feel a lot better.

That said...we are having fun. Just once, though, I'd like an enemy to outsmart us, rather than having us be made to look foolish by forgetting some crucial fact that we knew when last we asked about it, and we're all getting kind of fatalistic about it. Before I came along, there was a reasonable chance that the party's intended course of action could play out.

I suppose that, as far as fun goes, I'd like to lose rather than be disqualified for once. The game was pitched as two intelligent sides fighting a shadow war; it's a bit discouraging to sit down to play chess and be told there are no pawns in checkers. So I guess what I'm after is a way to understand what he wants out of all this retconning, so that the party can work with it.

quote:

We've tried this before. Sequentially implemented plans usually see the variable in question flip repeatedly. Simultaneously suggested plans see the variable in question suddenly become a third option that foils both. Then our characters have their apartment broken into or something, without fail.

Amusingly, this has extended to physical laws. I've lost count of the number of particles now "immune to special relativity".

And we've asked before if we remember the world being different; we've always failed the Wisdom check to recall. The DC must be in the 50s by now.

As far as starting a new game goes, none of the rest of us want to make the time commitment to prep and GM a game. If there were a way to avoid this guy rewriting the world, that would be a lot less hassle. That said, I like the idea of rolling with it and acting like the world keeps shifting around us. Playing Job: A Comedy of Justice: The RPG ... I can work with that.

Okay. So now it's a bit :stare:

but. Here's where it gets :catstare:

If you were skimming, now is the time to stop skimming.

quote:

Okay, I spoke to the GM. At length.

Apparently part of the reason we're being so hemmed-in is because he already wrote the major plot of the adventure, and us in it, as part of the ascension of his literal author avatar to godhood, so while we're free to do anything ("no rails"), the laws of the universe as delineated by his future in-game self prevent us going outside our assigned role and the world changing to thwart us is an artifact of that.

As in, there's a character that is literally him in-game through some many-worlds shenanigans who's been going around to all of his favorite fictional universes and "fixing" them, and we're playing in one of the universes he's yet to "fix", and so we need to see how badly off we are before the god that is literally the GM in-universe fixes all our problems for us. Said deity is apparently literally invincible, as well, because he can read his OoC self's mind and knows what we're going to do before we do. Sort of. And apparently he can retroactively switch places with a clone of himself in case we manage to get around all of the above.

At least that's everything I understood. I don't really know even what to call this other than "not at all how I'm used to playing RPGs".

...and now another player from the same game pops in. Who's actually been in two games run by this GM.

second guy posted:

I am also in this game (and another in the same setting), The GM is actually writing a story on the plot, and its actually fairly good, however I have been noticing in my other campaign, everything my character has accomplished changes nothing since the whole thing is to kill a clone of the Gary Stu character.

In the game being referenced here I am also playing myself (modified, with the ability to use magic, long story, as a character), and was content to ignore the mary sue in the other game, since I had this one to enjoy being able to try to make a difference, it has recently come to our attention that this is not really the case and now I am unable to ignore the issue.
The character in question (note: the DM's character) has a power that makes him have more or less absolute control of no less than 3 incredibly advance realities. Where anything he writes about the realities is considered Canon, which might be fine if typical wish warping were in effect, but since he is the GM as well it works perfectly, and he they began attempting to "unify the universe" and bring "better technology" to other worlds.

Now perhaps this is just me, but Mind controlling major leaders and using time stop for months at a time to take over entire realities (ie mind controlling emperor palpatine into handing over the entirety of the empire) kind of irritates me, the unification of everything also annoys me since even in the most ideal scenario it results in the crushing of more obscure sciences and technologies, and takes away most of the strife that allows societies and heroes to grow. At worse cripples any science besides the one from his world and makes the entire multi-verse vulnerable due to lack of diversity.

In theory I have the ability to ask the GM to let me have a power similar to the mary sues over a universe I made, but I tend to dislike that type of method for gaining power since I enjoy the struggle and the learning and improving on your flaws. Should I attempt to be an opposing force of chaos to balance out his force of order, to give us some slight chance of actually making a difference however small it might be, despite that requiring me to also get powers that could be considered marysuish, and most likely not working as well as his?
Another Issue I have been having is that he told me anything that the NPCs can get the players would also have theoretical access to as well, which I accepted at first, since most of the things they had access to that I couldn't get had horrid side effects, but lately, I have been noticing when we want to use something and enemy has there is some reason we can't.

PS: I mentioned to him that in all of my attempts at DMing, this was the most major cause of players dissenting, so I have made attempts to make powerful NPCs have flaws that make them more relatable and gives the players something to use against the BBEG, and even at my worst, at least the BBEG had to sacrifice something to get their power, which could be discovered and exploited by the PCs. So I suspect that he knows that DMPCs are typically bad, but assumes that his is more acceptable.

back to the first guy posted:

I think part of the problem is that he really, really wants to run this game; apparently every game he's ever GMed since I've known him has actually been this, but some parties died before they ran into the "real" plot. They all tie into this grand metaplot centered around his character. I've not actually played in any of the ones that reached the point where his...alter ego...shows up, but in talking to people who have, he is "everything [the GM] thinks is cool from every work of fiction he's ever read, watched, played, or heard about". A sunlight-immune regenerating vampire telepath/seer/"microkinetic" (apparently he automatically gets any school of mystical powers I cause the GM to ban as overpowered) whose first act on ascending to heretofore-unheard-of godhood was to pop over to Star Wars and reform Emperor Palpatine through ten minutes' intense conversation...I'm still trying to codify everything Mary Sue-esque about this guy, but for a start: the mean score on this Litmus Test is around 190 (simple average from everyone who's seen this character in play taking it), when the test is only designed to go to 50.

At this point, I'm just going to stay in the game and stay alive so I can witness our GM, with a straight face, describe this guy fulfilling every prophecy in CT (as is apparently his standard MO). It looks like the consensus on here is that this whole game is a single massive ego trip, so I'm hopeful he won't let part of his audience die.

That said, I'd like to think he's capable of more as a GM than this. Maybe. Hope springs eternal. So now I have to figure out how to explain to him effectively how wrong all of this is. How the system he's spent years developing is now expressly tailored to showing off a character who is laughably written, and in the process the only fun anyone has is laughing at this state of affairs. I've tried to explain things to him before, and his usual recourse is to nitpick every fact, figure, and other datum included to death in order to ignore the message, and when that doesn't work, to concoct some rationalization regarding how I don't know such-and-such and so I'm wrong. Or, when others have tried, to just ban them.

So any tips for how to explain that "this, no matter what your rationalization, is not good GMing practice?"? Is it just a lost cause?

First Guy posted:

(the DM is) 22. So...barely?

If I recall correctly, (his appearance is) red eyes, silver hair, full-on cloak. And he dual-wields (katanas). Apparently, another part of the standard pattern, albeit not a constant one is the PCs uncovering and temporarily using a legendary katana of some description, only for it to rebel when this guy shows up and "fly to the hand of its true owner". Failing that, lightsaber katana seem to show up with some regularity.

At least the katana thing is internally consistent; their stats are usually significantly and universally better than any other bladed weapon in the setting. And, functionally, most of the guns.

As to why I bother: if there really is no way out, and it doesn't matter what we do, I might as well have fun with it. My problem came with the assumption that what I was doing was suboptimal; as long as I'm doing my best by virtue of my actions being totally irrelevant, I can have loads of fun with this just joking around -- as, I suspect, can the other players.

Things are coming to a head soon either way, to judge from the early signs of the plot wrapping up. If I'm going to confront him, I might as well do it over as much as possible.

(In case you were wondering, yes. The "universal system" is apparently d20 class/level based because of course it is.)

First Guy posted:

Oh, the universal system is just a barrel of laughs. It's gestalt by default, the idea being that there's a "racial" class and a "trained" class for every character, and the "racial" class is locked unless you go vampire or something; either it's some aspect of your upbringing for humans or it's defined by a nonhuman character's race. Now, he maintains that all racial classes are of equivalent power level. Some of us get literally nothing but a single trained skill from our racial class and some get sorcerer spellcasting, depending how cool the DM thinks the setting is; balancing is put off until "later" except insofar as "overpowered" abilities are removed and the cooler ones given to the Sue. That's not even counting the Sue's racial class, which no one has ever been allowed to use or see.

Of course, the initial explanation of the system included "anything the enemies can do, you can do. I don't play favorites."

I'm still trying to codify all the issues with the system itself; I figure I might as well do as I was asked. Certainly, the lack of classes whose abilities don't disappear when out of their home setting is one of them, given the frequency with which characters are moved around.

Besides which, the more I learn, the more I think I'm going to need to start my account of the problem with a review of basic math skills. Is there anywhere I can point him for how probability works in terms of games?

And on my own end, is there anywhere I could look to learn how to more effectively argue? This guy is the type who needs the last word in everything; if you say the sky is blue, he'll say it looks more light blue, so I need to learn a way to get my points through that.

First Guy posted:

Oh, did I not say? That isn't my situation;he's actively looking to publish this.For sale. In dead tree form, no less.

We're supposedly beta testing a "Pathfinder killer".

Sorry; I didn't realize his intentions for the system were important.

And to xxxx : he's always expressed negative opinions of GURPS for a variety of reasons, chief among them incompatibility with d20.

...and I'll just leave it there. Again, not my story. But I would ride this one out, folks.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 20:59

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

That's not even a game at that point, really... :stare:

# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:16

Robindaybird: Aug 21, 2007; Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Holy poo poo - the character's like a personification of Gaia online.

I don't think any trainwreck satisfaction would be worth sitting through this self-insert fanfic.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:36

Cornwind Evil: Dec 14, 2004; The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

I'm reminded of how as a child, one could use a Game Genie on a video game to make oneself unstoppable, which was fine for when you were young or if the game just proved unbeatable to your base skills, but eventually, you begin to realize that something without any challenge doesn't really have any satisfaction.

This guy not only never grew out of it, he's trying to use a Game Genie on real life. I dunno if you have any contact with these guys dwarf, but if you do I advise you to tell them to tell this guy 'No, we're not going to be puppets for your masturbatory power fantasies' and stop playing with this guy entirely. There's a recurring lesson over the last several pages that you might not be able to change people, but you can definitely not enable them.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:36

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Quick, someone find a Freudian analyst.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:38

dwarf74: Sep 2, 2012; Buglord

No, I don't know any of the parties involved. I hope...

On the forum where it is being posted, suggestions range from "get out now" to "talk like grown ups to this manchild" to "dude, ride this out because I need to watch more of this train wreck." Oh, and a few um... ways to deal with this in-game for extra :spergin:

ness I suppose. Like "here's a clever trick!" when it's clear the GM is not going to let it work.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 21:45

Shady Amish Terror: Oct 11, 2007; I'm not Amish by choice. 8(

How do people keep ending up in this poo poo? I loving suck at interpersonal interaction (just ask my employer, who nearly fired me for being too afraid to speak up about problems at work), but on the one or two occasions I went to an RPG group and it turned out to be some unwashed sociopath's personal wank-fic, I left within the first half-hour. I most certainly did not hang around for four or more sessions hoping that the person would somehow miraculously turn into an entirely different person one day.

Then again, I never really got into rpg's or tabletop gaming, really, probably due to said experiences. Space Station 13 doesn't really count, I don't think.

# ? Mar 21, 2013 23:15

Chickenfrogman: Sep 16, 2011; by exmarx

Our party in a game of Pathfinder ended up in a battle with a magical superpowered Beholder. We were warned beforehand that it was an incredible monster that would probably kill us all. At the same time, sneaking by it would take up time in which my Barbarian's adopted daughter might be killed by the BBEG. When we come to the land overseen by the beholder, everyone starts searching for ways to sneak by. I take one second to think over the time we would lose and charge right the gently caress in.

Everyone panics. The Bard casts haste on me, trying to think of some way to help me out despite the fact that the Beholder is 240 feet in the air and I can't fly. The oracle, a battle hardened dwarf who's longtime buddies with my human barbarian follows me straight into battle the moment I start running and casts levitate on me. We know we can't make it all the way up, but it's a start. The ranger starts firing ink arrows in an attempt to blind some of the beholder's eyes. He succeeds at taking out its anti-magic eye. We're still pretty boned as the Beholder is way too high for us to reliably hit with good damage before we all die. Then the warlock has an idea. A terrible, wonderful idea.

With levitate on, I'm weightless. The warlock flies under me, pushing me up towards the beholder. The oracle levitates himself, alternating his move actions to push me up as I grab the warlock and pull him up with my movements. We essentially form a mid-air conga line where the oracle keeps himself in range to keep floating me while me and the warlock keep moving myself up. My barbarian makes a natural 20 twice against the Beholder's attempt to disintegrate him and attempt to put him to sleep. Eventually, the ink blocking the anti-magic field is about to wear off. With no other choice, the oracle and warlock shove my barbarian 10 feet out of the levitate range, giving him one full round attack before he has to fall 240 feet back to the ground.

I crit twice on power attacks dealing roughly around 130 damage and instantly chopping the giant sized beholder in half. He then grabs onto the falling parts of the beholder, tumbling through the air and flinging himself off at the right angle to try and kill some of his velocity. He still crashes back into the ground and survives 18d6 damage. The DM is staring dumbfounded the entire time as not only did we kill his supposed TPK encounter we weren't meant to fight, we did it by railgunning the angry father barbarian into its face :black101:

# ? Mar 22, 2013 01:20

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

dwarf74 posted:

...and I'll just leave it there. Again, not my story. But I would ride this one out, folks.

... Welp.
And now you know why the only time I bring in a "me" GM NPC, it's because the group is down a man, he's at-level with the players, and he doesn't participate in puzzles unless asked specifically to make a check because, the way I describe it, he's way too baked to be an autonomous contributor to the party's business.

# ? Mar 22, 2013 01:34

Captain Bravo: Feb 16, 2011; An Emergency Shitpost
has been deployed...

...but experts warn it is
just a drop in the ocean.

I attempted one time, one time to do the "Super awesome DMPC" thing, just to see if I could thread that needle and not make it poo poo. He was an idiot, not actually that powerful, didn't overshadow anyone else and one of the players ended up burning him to a crisp while riding a commandeered dragon...

It was still utter poo poo, and my players told me (in no uncertain terms) that we would never be trying that experiment again. It just. doesn't. work. On the other hand, I still get wistful reminiscence of the cleric DMPC I gave them one game, who healed the party through the medium of Magical Sports Drinks. (I cast PUT IT ON THE LINE-LEMON LIME! You're healed for 3d8 damage. :allears:

)

# ? Mar 22, 2013 01:40

Chaltab: Feb 16, 2011; So shocked someone got me an avatar!

Chickenfrogman posted:

.

This, this is metal. :black101:

indeed.

# ? Mar 22, 2013 01:56

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

My first DM also had the "this NPC is my old character" thing going on. That DMPC didn't hang out with the party all the time but:

once save us from certain death by a deliberately out-of-our-league monster, with one strike. That was how we got introduced actually. And no: not a katana wielder, strangely enough in retrospect.
was our major quest-giver for the remainder of the campaign as well as heavily involved with the plot, had a personal vendetta with the villains that I don't think any of us gave a poo poo about because we had our own, thanks very much.
was a major rear end in a top hat with a fantastic chip on his shoulder about pretty much everything and would always be the only source for the info we needed, but give us just enough to scrape by. Whenever something went wrong, our fault. When things went right, apparently we were somewhat competent after all and here was our next mission.
the later parts of the campaign were definitely planned out to further this guy's personal story.

Two events stand out, might have mentioned them before. Once the DM described to me what that guy knew about his home village destroying arch enemy and asked me to stat him out as a 1-on-1 encounter and run that for him. In the middle of a regular gaming session so basically the other players would sit and watch, but being relatively new to RPGs in general I unfortunately didn't realize that and did as asked. I think to ask him for his DMPC's build so it could be a properly balanced fight. Come the day of the climactic battle, turns out DMPC has a feat that allows him to make counterattacks that I didn't know about and that allowed him to pretty much decimate the guy I'd built with ease.

Now that I think about it, he had me put this guy in the way of the party so his DMPC would swoop in and save them, again. Oh god the shame.

Second event happened during the last session. We'd agreed to segue into another campaign under a different DM that would take place on a completely different plane. To bring this about we found a former ally of our DMPC who'd just returned from that plane very badly injured. Took her to our room at the inn and went to get DMPC, whose first words as he saw her bloody and beaten in our room was "what have you done to her?"

Let me explain for a second. This was a common thing for NPCs to do. Try and cast Calm Emotions on a panicking villager, "oh no he's putting a curse on us." Saving villagers from slavers, "how do we know you're not with them." Enough for another post. So when his DMPC did it, again, I had enough and my character, up until this point a man who kept to himself, told the DMPC he hoped his friend would get better, but to go gently caress himself, and he'd be downstairs at the bar and then return home, in case any of the group wanted to say proper goodbyes.

End of the story is, I made a new character for the new campaign who was outclassed in every way by the ex-DM-now-regular-PC, the ex-DM turned out to be unable to keep cool over events like missing with an attack roll and half dropped out, half was dropped out, I'm still not sure on the specifics, and the new campaign was bollocks and fizzled after two more sessions.

e: a different thing that happened with this DM is that he told me the other day he was starting a campaign centered on politics and prejudice against the beastmen from the wastelands, and every PC would have to have a template, and I don't know what came of that because I am now in Rio and still running away

My Lovely Horse fucked around with this message at 10:16 on Mar 22, 2013

# ? Mar 22, 2013 10:13

mediocre dad okay: Jan 9, 2007; The fascist don't like life then he break other's
BEAT BEAT THE FASCIST

Some of you may remember my previous story about Shaolin. Well, there's plenty more where that came from.

As previously stated, Shaolin, as a character, was pretty useless. Most of his abilities were either rubbish or bizarre, and even his main power, Zen Archery, required him to spend 4 rounds in perfect concentration. This wouldn't have been a massive problem, except that only 1 combat in the whole length of the campaign lasted long enough, and his morals prevented him from initiating the power if the enemy was unaware of his presence. His only other fighting ability was unarmed strikes, which were laughably ineffective.

So, Shaolin became more or less the laughingstock of the party. Not a problem, as the player was cool with it, and the character didn't really understand the other characters so he went along with it. The GM, being a bastard, made an "evil" version of each of the PCs, mirroring them completely. Where a PC was all about defense, their mirror image was all about attack. Where a PC was extremely effective, their mirror would be a bumbling idiot. Most of the party were fairly above-average PCs, and so the "evil" party characters weren't a real threat. Except, of course, for Evil Shaolin. He, as a mirror to the inept Shaolin, was the most ridiculously overpowered, min-maxed, murderblender-style NPC the GM could come up with. The "evil" party, led by Evil Shaolin, was a constant thorn in the players' side, beating them to treasures, stealing their stuff, and once in a while actually fighting them.

One day, as the party was visiting a market town, they came across an arena of sorts. 2 fighters can enter for free, people place bets, and the winner takes a small cut of the earnings. Fairly standard-fare fantasy stuff. They are about to go elsewhere when they bump into Evil Party, who promptly challenge them to face their best fighter in the arena. The party accepts, and Evil Party nominates Evil Shaolin as their best fighter. Suddenly, everyone (except Shaolin) has a realization, and almost in unison, they nominate their own Shaolin as their fighter. Shaolin is more than happy to fight, deeply honoured by the trust of his friends. As he makes his way into the arena, the rest of the party secretly places bets... against their Shaolin. And I'm not talking just small bets. No, the party are so certain of their companion's utter uselessness that they bet everything they own. All of their money, their equipment, their horses, everything.

Both Shaolins step into the arena. From the stands, Evil Party cheers for their champion, while taunting and jeering at his rival. Shaolin's party mates half-heartedly cheer for their own fighter while excitedly discussing amongst themselves what they're going to spend their winnings on. The Shaolins look at each other with deep concentration in their faces, and circle each other, waiting for the time to strike. Suddenly, Evil Shaolin lunges, spinning his quarterstaff into Good Shaolin's face... and botches. Shaolin rolls for defence, and crits. Evil Shaolin is thrown off-balance. Shaolin goes for a counterattack. Crit vs. botch. Evil Shaolin is knocked out. Good Shaolin is proclaimed the winner. Xavier lets out a small cry of joy and does a little happy-dance, completely unaware that he just caused his entire party to go completely broke. The GM can't help but laugh hysterically at the faces of utter disbelieving rage, and Xavier's na�ve confusion at why his friends aren't celebrating his win. It takes all of 10 seconds for any of the other players to manage to speak, at which point they unleash a torrent of rage at Shaolin, which only serves to confuse him more, and make the GM laugh even harder.

mediocre dad okay fucked around with this message at 11:37 on Mar 22, 2013

# ? Mar 22, 2013 11:32

the_steve: Nov 9, 2005; We're always hiring!

So, how much did the evil party win by betting on good Shaolin, as per their Reverse Psychology trick?

# ? Mar 22, 2013 12:10

Redeye Flight: Mar 26, 2010; God, I'm so tired. What the hell did I post last night?

The instant they decided to start trying to bet against their ostensible ally without telling him, the Karma Machine cranked open a bloodshot eye and decided "You know what? Time to make an anecdote."

# ? Mar 22, 2013 12:56

BioTech: Feb 5, 2007; ...drinking myself to sleep again...

A few years back I wanted to try role-playing with my friends. Two out of five enjoyed RPG videogames, the other three were willing to give it a try despite the thing sounding kinda nerdy. We all agreed it shouldn't be serious, just drinking beers and having a laugh. If it didn't work out we'd just watch a movie the next time. I used to play with a different group a few years before that and the last thing they played was Vampire the Requiem, so it seemed like a good starting point. The World of Darkness system is pretty easy to learn, so everyone rolled up their character.

Big B was a giant Daeva with all regular and Vampire points in Strength who used his punching daggers to punch through people. He made his own grenades in case something was too far away or too big to be punched.
Smeijer was a Mekhet sniper with incredible senses so he didn't need a scope and had all sorts of stealth.
Levi was a thoughtful Gangrel who would use kung fu and his Protean claws to fight.
Walter was a Ventrue with Dominate, so he would hypnotize and mindwipe his way through problems.
Pikkie was a katana dual-wielding Mekhet with all points in speed, dodging bullets and running around like a superfast meatblender

They were super-powered mercenaries that just had to recharge their blood batteries once in a while. It was my first try as a DM, so my story was incredibly railroady with a Prince forcing them to do missions. Basically every session was a new mission and it usually involved killing everything in sight. The few times a subtle approach was necessary ended with a very disappointed Prince.

At one point they were asked to find a lawyer, Simon Furman, who filed a case about something that would cost the Prince a lot of money. Something with water sanitation that the Ventue had a hand in didn't seem to follow all the regulations and the pending investigation could become quite the headache. The group opened up a phonebook, found three seperate S. Furmans and headed out to the first.

That night they terrorized a very confused man out in the suburbs. They broke into his home, found a driver's license that said S. Furman and went to work. His daughter was threatened, his wife was threatened, the guy was beaten up and only in the end when he cried out all bruised and bloodied that he had no idea what they were talking about and he worked in the mines east of the city did the group understand that maybe this wasn't the right guy. The Ventrue mindwiped him by saying "nothing happened" and when police came to investigate the screams they found a battered man who kept repeating nothing happened. The Prince sighed.

S. Furman 2 lived in a large penthouse downtown. There was a party going in and when they told the doorman they came to see Furman he let them right in. Music, booze and a lot of people. Five men in black with weapons stood at the side looking very out of place. Smeijer found Simon Furman coked out of his mind in the bathroom, getting a blowjob from some lady. After a friendly conversation about how great the party was, made very awkward because the lady kept going, Furman pointed down to where the action was happening and asked Smeijer if he was interested in being next. Smeijer happily agreed, but when the woman was pushed away and Furman pointed toward his penis telling Smeijer to go right ahead and all the other players were laughing at him.

Not amused Smeijer shot Furman in both knees and dragged him through the party to their van downstairs leaving a trail of bloodsmears the whole way. Only there did they start asking him questions and discovered he was just a real estate agent that was celebrating he closed a large deal. They dumped him outside in the street, naked and still high, leaving the dozens of witnesses fleeing the party with not just a very accurate description of them, but also the license plate to their van.

The Prince realized he should have known better and put them on a different assignment.

# ? Mar 22, 2013 14:08

MadScientistWorking: Jun 23, 2010; "I was going through a time period where I was looking up weird stories involving necrophilia..."

Captain Bravo posted:

I attempted one time, one time to do the "Super awesome DMPC" thing, just to see if I could thread that needle and not make it poo poo. He was an idiot, not actually that powerful, didn't overshadow anyone else and one of the players ended up burning him to a crisp while riding a commandeered dragon...

What exactly is the definition of a DMPC because its one of those issues that always tends to confuse me?

# ? Mar 22, 2013 16:04

Mendrian: Jan 6, 2013

MadScientistWorking posted:

What exactly is the definition of a DMPC because its one of those issues that always tends to confuse me?

I don't want to confound any kind of established canon, but I believe it refers to a phenomenon in which the DM 'plays' the game along side his players via an NPC. This is distinct from other kinds of NPCs because this NPCs is the "DM's character" in the same way each PC belongs to a player.

You can see how simultaneously writing, running, and playing the game would potentially lead to problems. Particularly for people with no ability to separate their actions as a DM from their actions as an NPC.

# ? Mar 22, 2013 16:07

PoptartsNinja: May 9, 2008; He is still almost definitely not a spy; Soiled Meat

I heard a call for Paranoia tales, so here's one of mine. This was a one-shot I ran with friends who don't live in my area anymore but still visit on rare occasions.

~~The Mystery of the FM Radio~~ The Terrifying Tale of [REDACTED]Zilla

The story contained in this briefing is true. Names have been [REDACTED] to [REDACTED] the [REDACTED]. Special honors belong to [NAME REDACTED DUE TO TREASONOUS ACTIVITY] due to his exemplary service to your friend, Friend Computer. The details of this briefing have been lost to [ERROR DETECTED IN MEMORY BANK 403]

The Troubleshooters had to go on a mission to outside to find the source of a strange pre-war radio signal. After ~~stealing~~ procuring some laser barrels and food in the form of a 1,000,000 calorie (or so, I don�t remember) 30kg survival cube ( "One lick, and you're good for a week!" ) from a supply officer whom they ~~bushwhacked in a dark corridor~~ most assuredly gave all the appropriate forms to; the Troubleshooters proceeded to R&D as ordered.

When they reached R&D (after a fateful encounter where one of the Troubleshooters was beheaded by a low-flying Vulture gunship and all but one of the rest were killed in the resulting crash), the Troubleshooters were given some experimental Super-Pep Peppy-Pep Pep Pills to try. They were told that the pills should obviate their need to sleep for the next 137 hours.

This claim was not false.

They were also told that in preliminary testing, the pills were found to have no side effects.

This claim was also not false since all preliminary testing, in order to preserve human life, is done with Robot test subjects.

They were then escorted to an Outside Research & Development base and assigned a what was essentially a cross between an SUV and a Minivan. It had a beacon so that the Outside R&D could test their new Outside Clone Delivery System for when something ~~inevitably went wrong~~ inevitably went wrong. It was only after driving out of Alpha Complex that the Troubleshooters realized they had no means of actually tracking a radio signal, and everyone was fearful of just randomly pushing the buttons on their Outside Exploration Vehicle's dash.

So, they drove the OEV around aimlessly for a few hours until suddenly everything turned red-orange as emergency lighting came on, and then went black as POWER failed completely. The Troubleshooters panicked for a bit, because their Tech Guy couldn't find a problem to fix. He checked under the dash and while the driver (and leader) managed to turn on the OEV's exterior lights. One of the other troubleshooters decided to leave the safety of the OEV to find the source of the problem.

He got struck by a strangely-textured plastic pillar moving past at about 60 kph. The Troubleshooters were mildly concerned by this until they realized that the OEV hadn't lost power. One Cannon-Fired Clone Redeployment Shell (which barely missed the OEV thanks in part to a driver who insisted on not letting up on the gas) later, and the OEV fetched up against some trees and finally came to a stop.

The party decided to make camp for the night, since they were all exhausted and none were willing to try the hyper-experimental pep pills. They deployed a Portable Mini-Complex and took the sleepy-pills administered dutifully by the Happiness Officer, and fell into a deep and perfectly restful eight hours of sleep.

Upon waking, they were confronted by a hideous monstrosity with slavering jaws, clawed feet, and massive, pointy teeth. It stared at the Troubleshooters with beady, glittering, hungry eyes and worse--it was gnawing on their million-calorie food cube! Worse than that, it was INSIDE THE OEV!

Team Leader invariably decided that this was an excellent time for the Weapons Guy to take point, but the Weapons Guy decided that now would be an excellent time for a mandatory weapon inspection and signaling to the Tech Guy that busied himself as far from the slavering monster as he could.

Terrified and now unarmed, the rest of the Troubleshooters weighed their options. The Hygiene Officer's mop would make a reasonable spear if they had any way to dismantle it; but the Loyalty Officer reminded them that destroying Friend Computer's property was a sign of unhappiness, prompting the Happiness officer to offered everyone medication. That reminded the Troubleshooters that they were carrying Never-Before-Tested-On Humans pills.

The team leader ordered several dozen offered to the monster as an appeasement. Finding the pills much more manageable than the 30kg cube of concentrated �food,� the marauding beaver devoured all of them.

It seemed fine after a moment, the perfectly normal beaver�s hunger was sated and it simply stared at the Troubleshooters with those eerie, neon green-glowing eyes. The row of sharp spines that grew suddenly from its back sparked with raw electricity. After swallowing the entire food cube whole, it delivered a �thump� of its three-meter wide (and growing) tail that nearly flipped the OEV. Stepping over the entire party with ease, the beast fired a jolt of electricity from its gaping jaws the very sound of which flattened a dozen nearby trees.

This was about the time the Troubleshooters started to panic.

Seeing an opening, they rushed back into the OEV� which was probably a mistake, since BeaverZilla now associated the noisy contraption with food. Gunning the engine, they made no progress until a swipe from BeaverZilla�s OEV-sized claw knocked over the tree upon which the vehicle was stuck. Freed from the obstruction, the Troubleshooters floored the gas which should have been enough to get away from a Beaver. Provided that Beaver wasn�t ninety stories tall, which this one was. After a lengthy pursuit and some well-meaning teamwork, the Team Leader then lead BeaverZilla back towards Alpha Complex over the protests of the Loyalty Officer.

The team leader then shot the Loyalty Officer with his laser pistol, prompting Alpha Complex to fire its Clone Redeployment Cannon. The shell struck BeaverZilla square on the noggin. Of course, this killed the Loyalty Officer again which prompted the canon to fire again. And again. And again.

It was about this time that BeaverZilla, now grown unstable due to the chemicals in its blood, exploded in a massive nuclear fireball. Consequently, the signal the Troubleshooters had been searching for was lost, resulting in a mission failure.

Needless to say, the debriefing was interesting; but none will forget the sacrifice made by Loyalty Officer [NAME REDACTED DUE TO TREASONOUS ACTIVITY], who�s repeated heroic sacrifice was marred only by his involvement in the filthy Commie Mutant Plot to create a giant monster and unleash it upon Alpha Complex.

PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Mar 22, 2013

# ? Mar 22, 2013 16:32

FeatherFloat: Dec 31, 2003; Not kyuute

I'm the Storyteller for a local Changeling: the Lost LARP. I've been running the game for about a year now, having taken over for the previous ST that got tired and needed a break. (She got the position because the original ST got voted out, for reasons that I detailed in the last Bad Gaming Experiences thread... but anyway.) I'm a week and a half away from running the last game of the chronicle. When that's done, I'll pass the position off to another fella who's got a whole new game planned, and go back to being a player. I'm excited for the chance to play again, and sad that things are ending... but I'm also relieved, in a way, because some of these players, Jesus.

I very recently received an e-mail from Beardy McGrognard, the ST who got voted out, who sporadically (VERY sporadically) shows up to play. He said he had something he wanted to do in downtime. He informed me that, due to poor decisions at the recent big LARP convention, his character had his dick frozen solid and snapped off. Due to this, as well as the PC's severely lowered Clarity, his character intended on kidnapping his fetch, kidnapping a medical team, stealing a bunch of equipment, and forcing the medical team to transplant the fetch's junk onto him.

:stonk:

My reaction to this went in three stages:

1 - OH MY GOD, HOLY poo poo, WHAT THE gently caress
2 - You just wanted to talk to me about your imaginary character's imaginary penis, didn't you?
3 - Do... you... want me to... run this as a... scene...? (please say no, please say no...)

The third thing was what I replied to him with. Thankfully, he had no intention of making me do that! Yet. He wanted to go the next game and see if the PCs would help him! The PCs which, come next game, are going to be extremely occupied with the massive amounts of End Game Plot I have ready for them. Which, since he hasn't shown up to game in months and months, he has no idea about. I think I was a bit of a jerk in saying "Yes! You are absolutely free to ask the other PCs for help in your terrible scheme!" without clarifying that there was Other poo poo happening. But to hell with that, I have the position for another week and a half. What's he gonna do, call a vote on me?

I've got other stories of stuff that happened a while back... I'm not sure if want to post them there, or in the World of Darkness LARP thread, though. I certainly found them to be notable gaming experiences. I just hope they'd be notable to non-LARP folk.

# ? Mar 22, 2013 23:20

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

I can't think of much funnier than a group of Changeling players consumed by the big finale of whatever is happening in the campaign, and some terrible dude just wandering around asking 'hey who wants to help me get my dick?!'

Please tell me he plays a goat beastkin who's totally just a satyr, or some other annoying concept?

# ? Mar 22, 2013 23:27

Zemyla: Aug 6, 2008; I'll take her off your hands. Pleasure doing business with you!

BioTech posted:

The sad tale of Simon Furman

Looks like they showed him a whole world of pain. Next to their power beyond measure, what chance did he have?

I guess he never did want to live forever.

# ? Mar 23, 2013 00:31

FeatherFloat: Dec 31, 2003; Not kyuute

Tatum Girlparts posted:

Please tell me he plays a goat beastkin who's totally just a satyr, or some other annoying concept?

Oh no! He's some sort of darkling sneaky-ninja. The unpleasant satyr-esque hedonist is what he's going to be playing NEXT chronicle! :smithicide:

Y'know. When he bothers to show up.

# ? Mar 23, 2013 00:54

Silhouette: Nov 16, 2002; SONIC BOOM!!!

Zemyla posted:

Looks like they showed him a whole world of pain. Next to their power beyond measure, what chance did he have?

I guess he never did want to live forever.

Like a vast, predatory bird he descends upon the courtroom. Could he do any less?

# ? Mar 23, 2013 04:38

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

My party is really, really good at following logical trails...even if it hurts them.

I had two of my players get invited to an archery competition; prize was two tickets to the masquerade royal ball the players needed to get into. The entry fee was a substantial amount of gold. The players would compete against the Split Arrow Tavern owner's son, Rickerd. I asked if anyone wanted to place bets.

The thief bet on the markswoman*. Despite cheating from both sides, the ranger won, and the ranger and archer split the tickets. The rest of the party was kicked out of the bar, for cheating and/or discovering the place had been cheating.

The party later found a bunch of identical flyers for the Split Arrow Tavern.

The artificer, mage and thief went to the docks, following the rumors of a printing press. Inside the hidden printing room, the mage discovered what was being printed: forged invitations to the royal ball, and posters for the Split Arrow. She grabbed three invitations and escaped the boat.

We took a break, and when we came back everyone described how they were outfitting their grubby adventurers for the ball. They took a teleportation circle up to the top of the penthouse, and entered...

When someone mentioned, nobody had looked at their tickets. They just assumed they had them.

Then someone else realized...the ads for the Split Arrow and the forged tickets came from the same place. Everyone realized...

Even the tickets they won were fake.

# ? Mar 24, 2013 02:41

Chaltab: Feb 16, 2011; So shocked someone got me an avatar!

Does anybody remember who ran a game with an Owlbear attorney called Beaks Grizzly? I could have sworn I read about that here but google turned up nothing and I don't have platinum to search myself.

# ? Mar 24, 2013 05:11

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Chaltab posted:

Does anybody remember who ran a game with an Owlbear attorney called Beaks Grizzly? I could have sworn I read about that here but google turned up nothing and I don't have platinum to search myself.

I searched. Nothing.

# ? Mar 24, 2013 06:42

sansuki: May 17, 2003

sfwarlock posted:

I searched. Nothing.

This is all I found

# ? Mar 24, 2013 19:36

Captain Bravo: Feb 16, 2011; An Emergency Shitpost
has been deployed...

...but experts warn it is
just a drop in the ocean.

Due to popular demand from my players, here's a short update of some of the highlights of our last few sessions, including a slight recap:

After spending his entire life working to become a Sky Marshal of house Lyrandar, the kobold is given a ship of his own to captain. He immediately becomes a jerk, tells off his boss, and leaves house Lyrandar in his new airship to become a freelance adventurer. In response, his previous superior tears part of his ship off, tells him to eat a dick, and flies away.

The party lands near a goblin village, making friends and giving the ship a quick patch job. After a harrowing battle against a demon stomach, and getting completely owned in a diplomacy showoff with the goblin leader, the kobold captain is humbled and befriends the goblins. A giant dick is painted on the side of the ship, and the party sets off for Sharn to get the ship repaired.

The bureaucracy of Sharn manages to successfully extract almost 500 gold from the Kobold captain before the party can even leave the ship. Once on Sharn, they set out to make back the money with interest, so they can get repairs and update their gear and such. Much carousing is had by all.

They sign on with a Battle Catering company, and spend a night getting drunk and fistfighting dwarves as part of the All Drunkards Eve festivities, pummeling one dwarf into a pile on the ground, and forever securing his friendship. The gnome creates and patents the Booze Hose^TM and hatches a plan to make The World's Most Giant Adventurer.

They attempt a stint of security work, guarding a warehouse against an assault from several ninjas, and their leader Ninja Maen Randy Savage. The kobold finds a turnbuckle in the warehouse, and proceeds to lay a glorious smackdown on the Ninja Maen, dealing the highest amount of damage in a single attack of the entire campaign so far. Defeating all of the ninjas, the party proceeds to loot the warehouse, (Including the turnbuckle, which the gnome slips into his new Pants of Holding) and tell their bosses that the ninjas stole everything. They are fired, and given a tiny severance package.

Blacklisted from guard work, the party returns to the battle catering company, and becomes the hor d'oeuvres of a gathering of werewolves. Frantically covering themselves in bits of meat to avoid being mauled to death, the party manages to successfully satiate the appetites of all the werewolves, and are given a very respectable paycheck for their service. The Tiefling gains an adversary in the people that own the banquet hall, since he set over a dozen werewolves on fire and the smell of burning hair is now a permanent part of that building.

After paying the repair bill, the inn bill, and buying two casks of infinite dwarven ale, the party is completely broke and they prepare to cast off. The dwarf realizes someone is missing, and we cut to a scene where the captain is being captured by House Lyrandar. The party arrives at the docks just as the enemy airship takes off, and joins in hot pursuit of the fleeing ship and their kidnapped Kobold.

# ? Mar 25, 2013 01:15

Chaltab: Feb 16, 2011; So shocked someone got me an avatar!

Wait, how did covering themselves in meat make them less likely to be mauled to death by werewolves.

sansuki posted:

This is all I found

Yeah, that's my game. I ripped off the name and occupation but I wanted to actually credit who I got the idea from.

# ? Mar 25, 2013 02:58

Lorak: Apr 7, 2009; Well, there goes the Hall of Fame...

Chaltab posted:

Wait, how did covering themselves in meat make them less likely to be mauled to death by werewolves.

Ablative meat armor, perhaps.

# ? Mar 25, 2013 03:21

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 01:27

Beast Pussy: Nov 30, 2006; You are dark inside

Lorak posted:

Ablative meat armor, perhaps.

This. We all got temp HP for covering ourselves in meat, then would hopefully not get it all whittled down before we could vigorously reapply on our next turn. It was a fun combat. After a number of turns, the werewolves would become full and quit, so it was about resource management, provoking opportunity attacks if you weren't damaged too heavily, trying to distract the werewolves if they had surrounded a particular party member. It was a blast.

# ? Mar 25, 2013 05:31

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Notable Gaming Experiences: The Gospel According to CobiWann's DM

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