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I can't decide whether this 4e game was good or bad, but I know for sure I loving hate my party. Here's who we had the other night: Goblin sorcerer that has rogue powers for some reason, who only ever uses Acid Orb and gets big damage on it. Dwarf paladin of Maglubiyet who thinks she's a goblin who rides an otyugh into battle and is still the worst party member because she doesn't ever mark anything. Hengeyokai avenger. Aramil, eladrin enchanter wizard (me). Kobold blaster wizard, fairly new. Lazy dragonborn warlord. We were in a shrine to the aberrant god Yzor inside a giant stronghold. We'd found a holy symbol of Yzor and decided to use it on the altar, turning it into a small orb of awful Far Realm energy. For some reason the DM seemed to be implying that there was more to do so I tried to use the pearl of madness, as it was called, on the colored glass wall at the back of the room with the awful tentacle beast in it. Bam! I'm save-ends dominated and plinking people with magic missiles left and right. But does my party attempt to grant me a save? gently caress no. I'm brought down to 19 HP (out of 71) before I save. Then the kobold tries to disable the evil wall and is dominated himself. By the time we all snap out of it, the warlord and both wizards have glowing purple tattoos of Yzor on their faces, all because we just needed one more encounter to hit level 14. At that point the DM took pity and let us level up on the way back to the camp of the tribe we were supposedly assisting. After some exposition, during which I bought a Curse Eye Tattoo and put it over the symbol of Yzor, we were sent off to the stone giant thane's castle to find out why he'd allied with the other, less friendly giants, and what had happened to the last diplomatic envoy. The kobold and goblin got to do a midair dogfight with a roc-riding giant sentry with their jetpack and ebon fly while the rest of us sat on our asses. Surprise, the fucker got away despite the goblin cutting his saddle off and the kobold pushing him through the air. We entered the castle via a secret entrance, snuck inside, encountered some stone giant kids, and instead of murdering them all, left a note: "Meet us outside the secret entrance. Signed, Dartak the Terrible" (that's the kobold). The giant queen and a fairly large contingent of guards arrived, and I watched in horror as, while the goblin hid in the tree, the kobold, warlord and avenger surrendered their weapons and agreed to go along with the giants. Granted the avenger was in dog form and had his weapon but for gently caress's sake, party. So it was down to me, the goblin and the paladin. Oh wait: the goblin takes off on his ebon fly after the hostages that were once my party. So it was down to me and the paladin, infiltrating the castle through the secret entrance. Oh wait: at the first sign of trouble, the paladin loving cuts and runs, leaving the wizard alone with half a dozen ropers, foulspawn, and vortex wraiths. It gets better: as I try to run past them who do I run into but the rest of my party, being escorted by the giants, demanding an explanation for this. "Drat," I cry, in character. "They've discovered my plot to derail the peace negotiations by assassinating the thane." 39 Bluff. Then I'm hit with 10 ongoing psychic damage and fall unconscious, and someone eventually CDGs me. But it works. The surviving party members are brought before the thane and share their news of the assassin Gargamel and his allies, a dwarf and a goblin. The thane declares that "it does not matter. The will of the Chained God will guide me." Surprise! He's being loving mind controlled by Yzor. The kobold remembers that he has a goddamn mark of Yzor on his face, previously covered by a bandage or something I don't know, but with 9 Charisma he bluffs the thane into retrieving my corpse and performing a special Speak with Dead ritual that will prevent my dead rear end from lying. "I spit on your faith, disciples of Yzor," says dead Aramil. "All shall be conquered. Glory to Bane!" Then I bugger off this mortal coil and refuse to come back for any reason, because while this was all fairly hilarious out-of-game, in-character (and to some extent in-person) I'm so done with these assholes. Apparently the party subsequently walked right out of the fortress, but as a final gently caress you, they forgot the warlord. I'm torn because my only options for local play and basically the only paragon-tier games I've seen anywhere are this clusterfuck and an all-drow, all the time PvP-enabled Menzoberran clusterfuck that's farther away. Captain Walker fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Mar 25, 2013 |
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Mar 25, 2013 19:58
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It sounds like you should be on clone 2 of your 6 pack. If you don't like it, have you talked to the other players and GM OOC about game expectations?
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Mar 25, 2013 21:39
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Just a good one-liner, but: In a recent game of Dungeon World I ran, the party's bard and paladin were haggling with a dwarven merchant to sell him a big old pile of jewels at a decent price. The group was in a town run by the paladin's slightly Lawful rear end in a top hat order, where the dwarven enclave, while not exactly oppressed, complained of being constantly nickel-and-dimed by high taxes and bureaucracy. Unfortunately for them, the dwarves also happened to mine precious stones there, so the selling price was well below the party's expectations. Now, haggling is normally a really boring activity in RPG's, but Dungeon World and a creative group do make things better. The bard tried to regale the merchant with stories of how they got the jewels and why they were surely magical, but she botched her Parley roll and he didn't buy it. "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before," I said as the NPC. "Twenty-four gold pieces and that's my final price." So the Paladin decided to get into action. "So, say, do you employ anyone?" "Er, yes, of course, I have an apprentice." "And, naturally, you do pay insurance and craftsmanship education tax for him, right? I'm sure form 67-B is there somewhere. And we all know that tax is so much less than twenty-four gold pieces." That's definitely I Am The Law, the paladin's 'force someone to do something by calling on your authority' move. He rolled a natural twelve. "Uhhh, did I say I'd give twenty-four for those jewels? Must have misspoken. Of course I meant forty-eight." The Paladin's player smiled, nodded and said, with a big poo poo-eating grin on his face: "Sure, of course, no problem. Must be this helmet. It dulls sounds and I really only hear half of what everyone says." After a second of head-scratching silence, the entire table burst into laughter and we couldn't resume playing for several minutes.
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Mar 25, 2013 23:07
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So, DMing my 4E game last week, my players have been trapped in a dystopian future by an evil god and now need to get home. The natives have found a Time Gate, but it needs some parts and a ritual song to activate it--and the bard who was composing said song hasn't been heard from in days. The party mounts up-- Back up a bit. I always like to have a bit of fanservice for my players--I don't mean T&A/sexual, I mean jokes, characters from previous campaigns, guest bosses, etc. They previously fought Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. So in this context, since at least two of my players are huge Buffy fans, I decided to have them fight Sweet. This demon is a Music Meister-esque villain that induces musicals in his victims, leading them to admit secrets and be merciless with their feelings. Also, if they can't resolve their feelings, they'll eventually dance until they spontaneously combust. And in the actual show, the heroes don't really defeat him--he leaves because of a mix-up that basically amounts to the demon declaring "I'm not gay." Anyway, the party has just reached level 11 and they're full of all sorts of new Paragon toys. The fight begins, Sweet and three evil puppets versus the party. Round one, the puppets get some good hits in, as does the party against the puppets. Sweet dances through the middle of the party and uses a close burst dominate attack, which gets three party members. I'm thinking, hell yeah, this fight is going to be interesting. Then the Pacifist Cleric's turn comes up. She's dominated, but she's also Kalshatar, so she gets to save against the domination at the start of her turn. So naturally, the dice come up Natural 20. She turns to Sweet and drops Dismissal. It hits despite his high will, and he's suddenly in a pocket dimension, save ends, -5 to the save. Oh, and he spends a round dazed when he finally pops out. The fight progresses, and the dice are coming up really high across the board. Not many crits, but lots of 17s, 18s, 19s. Except. Every time it comes around to Sweet's turn and he gets to save? I roll a 0, a 9, a 2, and a -1. Four rounds go by and all the puppets are taken down. Sweet still hasn't saved. There's no more enemies, so I go ahead and roll more saves to see how long he's still out of the fight. He finally saves on round eight, (and then only with an 11). But the party? They've all surrounded the space he was dismissed from and readied actions. And Sweet is dazed. They haven't hit him this entire fight, but in one round they bring him down to 3 HP, not to mention hit him with an attack that will make any attack roll he makes stun him. His only shot is to recharge his domination power, hit with it in spite of huge attack penalties, and hope the party stays dominated until he can flee. I roll a d6. It comes up 1. Nothing else to do, Sweet tries to flee over a banister, but that violates the Warden's mark. He's having none of that, and hits him with his melee basic that does, minimum 11 damage. So Sweet, cleaved nearly in half with a war-hammer, tumbles to his death. His performance was cancelled when a religious leader dismissed him as a bad influence on her friends, you see.
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Mar 26, 2013 16:11
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That is awesome, and much more climactic than the similar experience I've had recently in my game. The players are level 14 and have been mopping the floor lately, so I decided to give them a challenge. I statted up a hard fight several levels above them, and threw in a few extra bits as a reserve if they still managed to dominate the fight. In the setup I had really hyped some of the enemies, based off the Human Blademaster monster. It's a level 13 elite, but I threw in a bunch of them as "minions" and gave them a few stat bonuses. Long story short, they didn't hit the party once, even though they had appropriate attack bonuses. I honestly thought I had a chance of killing the PCs, but I just could not roll above a 6. They ended up calling them "failmasters," and at the end I gave them a level for their trouble. I did at least get them to exhaust all their dailies and encounter powers, though. It's not the first time they've been able to completely neuter a fight. One of my better players has constructed a fearsome elven avenger that has multiple ways of going speed 8, flying, insubstantial, etc., and the build can do a lot of crit-fishing. There've been a few fights where she will just go straight through all the monsters and defenses to the leader and decapitate them.
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Mar 26, 2013 19:43
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Hey look, I have an experience to post! I've been playing in a semi-regular Pathfinder campaign with some friends of a friend. Most of the other players in the group are part of my university's starcraft club, and we get along pretty well, I'm pretty good friends with most of the guys. My friend who is running the game recently invited a few extra people into the group, no big deal, except one of them is the most obnoxious Pathfinder edition warrior I have ever met. He basically passive-aggressively derides every in-game decision everyone makes, especially anyone who's inexperienced with Pathfinder (which is pretty much everyone else in the group) and generally makes an rear end of himself. He has shown up to maybe half of the sessions he's been invited to, and didn't show up for the most recent one last week. Today, he posted this passive-agressive three paragraph long essay on how much of a bunch of fuckups we are (names changed to protect the innocent):
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Mar 27, 2013 04:27
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" postscript he appended.
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BigDumbWhale posted:Hey look, I have an experience to post! If you read this in super boy prime's voice it makes it so much funnier. As well as any of the other  in this thread.
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Mar 27, 2013 04:46
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So this guy has played the adventure path before, thinks that CR is a working system, complains about the game time which he never makes anyway (so basically, 'play to my schedule  ')... sounds like a real charmer.
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Mar 27, 2013 05:18
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I can't fathom replaying an adventure you've played before. Maybe with an edition change and some time ("Hey, everyone roll someone up, we're doing Keep On The Borderlands!"), but if you know what happens, that's almost all the fun. It's not like a book or movie, it's an active experience.
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Mar 27, 2013 07:05
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So we're playing Rogue Trader, and one of our party takes the opportunity to play a Missionary and fluff herself as a Sister of Battle the Ministorum sent along to keep an eye on House Borgia (My players decided to be pretty upfront that they wanted to be infamously treacherous nobles with that name), because her first Dark Heresy character was a Sister and she loves playing as them. Their current adventure has them aboard a massive, space-station sized worldship from the Dark Ages, trying to salvage the remnants of its technology and calm down the savage tribes that used to be the crew and passengers ten thousand years ago in the hab domes, and originally, they were also going to have to deal with the monumentally bored and slightly insane AI originally left in charge of the ship. I say originally, because Sister Orbiana caused things to go otherwise. They make it to the bridge, discover the 'Delacroix' that was talking to them on the comms was an AI, and start talking to it, over the objections of the party Explorator. They make a couple good Charm rolls and amuse the thing some, so it doesn't vent the bridge to space, and then they start discussing the tribes and how they all think this AI is a God because it controls their 'worlds'. Sister Orbiana takes offense at this, and begins proclaiming the word of the God Emperor and master of Mankind to the thing. She plays up how the Emperor is the light in the warp that guides everyone through the horrors of daemons and monsters and poo poo, and actually manages to make a couple good points to the computer. It's now actually interested, though annoyed with the Explorator who keeps loudly proclaiming they need to kill it and be done with it, until the Rogue Trader takes him somewhere safe where he can't get the computer to kill everybody and Sister Orbiana continues her spiel. She gives it a fiery speech about how the Emperor would've totally saved everyone in the Dark Ages had He existed and how she has faith in the Emperor's protection and mercy, and asks me: "Have I done enough to try a Charm roll to convert the AI?". I think about it, and then allow a roll at an undescribed penalty, originally planning to just say she's kinda placated it. We roll the bones and get a 01. The session ended in them baptizing a central processing unit in the name of the God Emperor and converting the ship-AI into a steadfast ally. The Explorator is apoplectic they ended up essentially making an alliance with an Abominable Intelligence, because I'm not sure he understands this is Rogue Trader, not Dark Heresy, and they're supposed to be doing this kind of crazy poo poo.
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Mar 27, 2013 09:00
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Night10194 posted:The session ended in them baptizing a central processing unit in the name of the God Emperor and converting the ship-AI into a steadfast ally. The Explorator is apoplectic they ended up essentially making an alliance with an Abominable Intelligence, because I'm not sure he understands this is Rogue Trader, not Dark Heresy, and they're supposed to be doing this kind of crazy poo poo. Aren't sentient AIs massively heretical at this point in time? Shouldn't a sister of battle know this?
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Mar 27, 2013 12:50
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Volmarias posted:Aren't sentient AIs massively heretical at this point in time? Shouldn't a sister of battle know this? Yep, the only way to have an "AI" in the 40K Imperium is to chop someones head off and use their lobotomised brain as a CPU. Its a happy fun place. My lot last week rediscovered a lost human world (ten a penny in the expanse) and proceded to hack the comuinication network, replace some cattle with horses, kidnap an entire airplane for kicks, then use the hacked commuinications network to broadcast a message to the entire world at once - this message was a Thirteen year old sitting behind a desk saying just "Hi" They then teleported a crate load of expanitory pamphlets into the middle of the UN anolog, which of course was mistaken as a bomb. but was in fact a collection of works on the Imperium, but mostly focusing on the Sensishal's terrible stand up routine. They did make contact in the end, but have neglected to inform the new planet that by just being human they are no considered by default to be part of the Imperium - The witless politians still think they are going to start with a trade agreement. Just as soon as the RT group have finished with the Eldar Pirates.
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Mar 27, 2013 13:10
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They're well aware it's hereteknical but not that it's heretical, really. Plus, I expected them to mostly deceive it and then stab it in the eye later, but we all agreed that managing to convert an AI to worship the God Emperor was awesome enough that it should stand. Rogue Traders, man. They get up to antics.
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Mar 27, 2013 18:38
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Volmarias posted:Aren't sentient AIs massively heretical at this point in time? Shouldn't a sister of battle know this? so is trading with Xenos, having Xeno crewmen, unsanctioned psykers, mutants, and a whole host of other unsavory things that make up the Rogue Trader lifestyle. This one barely scratches the heretical surface, especially given that you could argue from its age that it's not heretek but archaeotech from the Dark Ages.
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Mar 28, 2013 02:22
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Manofmanusernames posted:If you read this in super boy prime's voice it makes it so much funnier. myself but what do you mean by this? Superboy-Prime has never been adapted to the screen!
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Mar 28, 2013 05:34
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Chaltab posted:Not to be all Any here's some content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtL4rBzEgug Not my story obviously but I think it needs to be shared. Because it is amazing.
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Mar 30, 2013 18:06
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Spoony and Bennet together in a Counter Monkey episode sounds like the exact opposite of amazing. Plus I refuse to give Bennet any ad money after his collaboration with rape-porn flash animator Zone-Sama.
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Mar 30, 2013 20:15
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So a guy who I played with in a campaign who stabbed a king in full view of the party and most of his allies because "Well, I'm chaotic evil and that's what my character would do" is running a Call of Cthulhu campaign. How terrible should I expect it to be?
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Mar 31, 2013 04:59
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JAssassin posted:So a guy who I played with in a campaign who stabbed a king in full view of the party and most of his allies because "Well, I'm chaotic evil and that's what my character would do" is running a Call of Cthulhu campaign. How terrible should I expect it to be?
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Mar 31, 2013 05:04
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Nah, that's assuming too much talent. Just expect lots of "roll versus tentacle rape" checks, doubled for female characters, which somehow you strangely always fail even when getting 20s.
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Mar 31, 2013 05:19
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I'm expecting railroads. "No dude, your character would totally go explore the weird noise by himself without telling anyone where he's going or bringing any sort of flashlight."
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Mar 31, 2013 05:49
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In hindsight, I'm particularly worried about a comment he made to me today. It went something like, "You're going to have at least one bad stat, and that's what I'm going to go after", but I'm not sure if it's a Call of Cthulhu thing to DM like that, or a dick GM thing to do. Either way, a couple of my other friends are iffy about it, so if it goes bad, we can at least have some fun during it.
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Mar 31, 2013 06:00
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You should expect nothing because you should remember that No Gaming Is Better Than Bad Gaming.
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Mar 31, 2013 06:10
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Mr. Maltose posted:You should expect nothing because you should remember that No Gaming Is Better Than Bad Gaming. Agreed. Stay the gently caress away.
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Mar 31, 2013 07:59
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JAssassin posted:So a guy who I played with in a campaign who stabbed a king in full view of the party and most of his allies because "Well, I'm chaotic evil and that's what my character would do" is running a Call of Cthulhu campaign. How terrible should I expect it to be? Just make sure your character buys all the dynamite and gasoline they can afford and uses it liberally. Do it and report back.
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Mar 31, 2013 10:06
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sebmojo posted:Just make sure your character buys all the dynamite and gasoline they can afford and uses it liberally. This. I think the phrase "kill it with fire" was invented for this type of situation. Go once and you can always leave early.
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Mar 31, 2013 10:10
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Our Savage Worlds pirate game does have its moments, which I might share later. In the meantime, though, here is a collection of photographs of our kickass miniatures.     See that last picture? That's gonna be a mass battle between our 25 guys versus 40 or so enemies. Depending on how the GM is gonna do this rule-wise, it might be a great or an absolutely terrible. Wish us luck.
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Mar 31, 2013 13:29
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God dammit I am likely going to be sending my party out to sea in the next session and you are making me want to go buy lego fuuuuuck
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Mar 31, 2013 13:33
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I actually dug up my Lego yesterday to use in D&D tonight. Had some Warhammer that we used before, but it seems Lego makes it a lot easier to include walls, ships, mine carts and everything else we could need. Used to collect all the medieval stuff, so there are plenty of swords, shields en armors to mix and match. Plus, those blue outfits with the beard and large hat make the best Wizard.
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Mar 31, 2013 13:59
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Only been playing D&D (4e) for 3 months or so, but had my first pretty epic session today. I was playing a Goliath BardBarian (Bard/Barbarian hybrid) with basically a full party of strikers - an assassin, two rogues, a ranger, and a warlock. So our only strategy was to stab everything until it died. We had been hired to investigate some local caves, set traps for any inhabitant monsters, and bring back said monster heads to town for fun and profit. I had played my character as a "storysinger", basically a singing barbarian scribe, sent from his village to collect world news a.k.a. awesome stories to bring back to his isolationist people, so I got into a lot of fun predicaments. The cave exploration was stretched over two sessions with two different DMs, so the variety of encounters included: - A fight with several human/spider creatures (dryders?) dropping from the ceiling, the kobold rogue hopping up on one of them like a horse while I swept the legs, thus squashing it and covering myself in spider guts - Tripping balls on the spores of mushroom cave men with the assassin, him thinking he was in a blizzard and desperately putting on every item of clothing from his backpack, me getting unquenchable munchies for gold, eating about 50 gp - Covering the spider goop from earlier with giant ant goop, because we were attacked from below by burrowing giant ants that also sometimes explode - The kobold rogue getting grabbed by a soon-to-explode ant, rolling three 1s in a row on checks to escape the grab, thus suddenly is overcome by depression and contemplates suicide as he snuggles closer and closer to the ant's jaws - Being vary wary of and carefully inspecting a random but harmless pool of water, only to be ambushed from above by a carrion crawler because we're all too dumb to look up The apex came shortly after we found what we deduced to be cockatrice nests, and setting our last trap there. As we proceeded deeper into the cave tunnels, we come to a steep drop, about 100 feet down. We'd already been going deeper and deeper into the caves, tying off ropes to stakes or pickaxes I'd drive into the cave floor, but this is the farthest drop we've seen yet. As I'm driving another stake into the ground, our ranger on watch fails his perception check and is attacked in the face by a cockatrice. He's slowed, I tie off the rope, and all of us charge in. After some fighting, one cock is down, other is bloody, and me, the ranger, and the warlock are all immobilized from cock pecking. I.E. if we fail another saving throw we turn to stone. Again, party of all strikers, so we'd be pretty much boned. The eladrin rogue hears something coming up from the 100-foot-hole, turns around and is greeted by a beholder. Most of us are newish players so we recognize a beholder (both in game and out) but don't know exactly what it can do. Eladrin rogue rushes up to the edge of the hole to slash at the beholder. Next turn, the beholder force pulls the eladrin rogue off the edge - luckily he's able to grab the rope I'd tied off earlier. A few more lucky rolls (except the kobold rogue botching again and setting himself on fire) and second winds later, the other cockatrice is dead and all of us save from being turned to stone. The warlock rushes to the edge and casts a field of total darkness around the beholder, so it can't see any of us - except the rogue that just fell and is hanging on the rope below. As the beholder floats down and immobilizes him on the rope, I rush forward to try and pull it up. Unfortunately by now the field of darkness had disappeared, and the beholder pulls me down as I barely hold onto the rope. However, the force of an eladrin plus a full-sized goliath is enough to cause the rope to start to unravel, and we're both hanging by a thread. I see an image in my head, confirm with the DM that the beholder is a short distance below me, and he lets me make a jumping charge attack against it. My bardbarian sings a rich and deep baritone note as he plunges his sword into the beholders eye, it dies midair, and he finds himself riding its plunging corpse down some 80 feet into the chasm below. Several d10 later he stands up still above half HP, surveys the 20-foot-radius of beholder gore around him, picks up the beholder crown he finds/the DM grants, places it firmly on his head, and is pleased.
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Apr 1, 2013 02:17
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Octagon N posted:My bardbarian sings a rich and deep baritone note as he plunges his sword into the beholders eye, it dies midair, and he finds himself riding its plunging corpse down some 80 feet into the chasm below. Several d10 later he stands up still above half HP, surveys the 20-foot-radius of beholder gore around him, picks up the beholder crown he finds/the DM grants, places it firmly on his head, and is pleased. Yeah, it's not like would want to disallow that 
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Apr 1, 2013 03:48
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Your bardbarian is having exactly the right kind of fun and should continue to do that sort of thing as much as possible. 
Night10194 fucked around with this message at 04:59 on Apr 1, 2013 |
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Apr 1, 2013 04:09
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Octagon N posted:I see an image in my head, confirm with the DM that the beholder is a short distance below me, and he lets me make a jumping charge attack against it. My bardbarian sings a rich and deep baritone note as he plunges his sword into the beholders eye, it dies midair, and he finds himself riding its plunging corpse down some 80 feet into the chasm below. Several d10 later he stands up still above half HP, surveys the 20-foot-radius of beholder gore around him, picks up the beholder crown he finds/the DM grants, places it firmly on his head, and is pleased. 
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Apr 1, 2013 04:26
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Suleman posted:Our Savage Worlds pirate game does have its moments, which I might share later. In the meantime, though, here is a collection of photographs of our kickass miniatures. Lego!  Now after a decades of gaming, how is it that I never thought to use the cubic yards of legos I have amassed to build epic whatnots to fight in/around/on?Please take plenty of pictures and relay to us how the fight goes, because a fight between 2 lego ships must be awesome. By the way, what do the playing cards indicate on the battle mat?
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Apr 1, 2013 04:28
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Agrikk posted:Lego! Reasonable guess would be initiative, as Savage Worlds uses a pretty need system based around dealing everyone a card each round for tracking initiative.
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Apr 1, 2013 05:26
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Agrikk posted:Lego! LEGO is a magical material. One day it's used to proxy a Thunderbolt in a match of Warhammer 40K, the next it's a Japanese village on Okinawa in a Flames of War game. As long as your friends are cool with it, it can be used for anything.
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Apr 1, 2013 05:35
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Edit: nm
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Apr 1, 2013 12:48
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Agrikk posted:Lego! The playing cards are initiative, as mentioned above. I do actually have some stories I could tell right now. Let's do this! Like fish in a barrel! Our crew were on shore leave in a Spanish port, carousing and having fun, but things were going south relatively fast. An outbreak of Typhoid Fever led to quarantine, a massive storm was brewing in the horizon, and tensions were rising between the two major players in the area: The Spanish navy and the forces of Blackheart the pirate lord. So, yeah, we wanted out. After convincing an official that we weren't infected (one of us was, actually...), we set sail, like many other ships did, braving the storm and the opposing Spanish ships. We were pretty down on our luck at this point, as many of our raids had failed. We had to leave behind a ship because we couldn't sail it through the storm with our manpower, and just recently a ship was literally blown up in our faces, which is a story by itself. As we left the port, though, we noticed the chance to strike. A galley was sailing off by itself. Yeah, it was a pirate ship, but it's worth something, yeah? For reference, a galley:  Now, like our ship, a galley is a two-master, but in comparison, it's fairly fat and clumsy. Its main advantage is its oars. The thing is, to use those oars, it of course needs a lot of men. This particular ship has about 80. That's nearly three times as many as we did. The storm also really started picking up and both ships needed to make maneuvering rolls to maintain control. A fight against an overwhelming number of enemies in a massive storm sounds fairly suicidal, but we did it anyway. It wasn't much of a chase, and the battle started. Thanks to our maneuverability, we got in range to start shooting the galley with "grape shots", which mean effectively loading up a cannon with metal shrapnel to maximize casualties. The enemy captain fails his maneuver rolls and all of a sudden, about 20 men are killed by the waves, which eases our job. This continues for a while, and the galley never gets a single shot. Eventually the galley simply runs out of men to put on the oars, they need to brave their sails instead, which just makes them easy prey for the grape shots. After a few more shots, they're down to nine men, then eight when the crew decides to offer us the captain's head as a sign of surrender. We quickly board and enlist the men to secure the ship so we can survive the storm. The storm strikes once more and sweeps away four of the remaining eight, as well as some of our own (whom we manage to save). Once the storm calmed down, we went to inspect the ship. We found no cargo, save from the expected supplies. As expected, they were just leaving port. What we did find were the results of our grape shots. Think of it: The galley's crew is on the oars in the cramped, dark confines of the ship while a storm rages around them, tossing them around like a toy, and all of a sudden some bastards start shooting metal death in there. It was bad. Really bad. This led to some heated arguments and into the decision to enlist as privateers for the Spanish in the hopes of not having to do anything this desperate again. Suleman fucked around with this message at 13:56 on Apr 1, 2013 |
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Apr 1, 2013 13:53
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So last week I joined in a new friend's Eclipse Phase game. The plot was basically "Whacky Races on Mars". We all had pregen characters who were entered in a Martian Grand Prix and had different gimmicks. The checkpoints are heavily regulated, but on the open road, anything goes. I chose Johnny the Robot, a martian door-to-door water-capaciter salesman who "Believes in the purity and honor of racing and fair play". He had no offensive abilities or weapons; other than a trunk full of water-capaciters his muse hid from him. His muse, "Emily", was hijacked by his sponsors and is now trying to use the media coverage to sell products constantly. On the other hand, he has all of the moxies. On the night before the race, all the racers are stuck in the dingiest, shittiest of hotels. The beds are uncomfy. The showers are cold. The painting on the wall is ugly. And the TV only get's three channels: > "Cat's Yowling in front of Waterfalls" (All cats all the time) > "Shopping channel full of stuff you want", but no contact information is ever given. > "Static" (Not random noise, someone making a white-noise feed and broadcasting it) > "Da Hentai Squad" (A Power Rangers ripoff, in which you can just barely hear the director constantly complaining about the lack of budget for these effect and panicking that they will find out he blew all the money on cocaine.) Da Gentai Squad, a popular pre-fall boy band, is mid-concert The Curtain DomeIt was filmed on location, when their ankle bracelet communicators begin vibrating with enough force to knock them on their asses. They are being summoned to their other role, warrior known as "Da Hentai Squad. The camera cuts to an alien grey, cleverly disguised at their manager "From your human Morocco" with a black, bad-comb-over toupee and a blond mustache, quickly explaining that Zordon is attacking a nearby high school. Stop him imidietly! Each player introduces his hero, his roll in the band and his secret Hentai Squad alter ego, by describing his transformation sequence. Red: The Butch One. Looks like Burt Renolds and soon to be replaced as he's not quite pulling in the tween audience anymore. He leaps into the air and lands in a mech cockpit. In G-gundam fashion, machinery in the cockpit wraps his skin-tight Red Hentai Squaddie uniform over his clothes. He leaps from the mech all the way back to the Curtain Dome; performing his single signature move "Meteor Strike". Pulling a hammer out of nowhere mid-leap, he strikes the top of the curtains causing the 50 foot tall kanji symbol for fire to appear on stage. The curtains are now on fire and audience members are screaming and stampeding for the exits. It's the worst tragedy the Curtain Dome has ever seen. Pink: The "Sweet" member of the band. The other players imminently decide that it's not pink, it's Salmon, and every time he tries to refer to himself as pink he's dubbed over by a deep voice saying "Salmon". The Glitter Black: The Quirky one: He looks like Screech from Saved by the Bell. We cut from the night-shot at The Curtain Dome to high noon on some street corner with a phone booth. The Quirky one walks on screen from the right, and enters the phone booth as The Glitter Black Squaddie exits the left side of the phone booth. It is poorly timed and both actors are easily visible on screen for about a second. "gently caress it, we're only doing one take!" is faintly heard. The Bad Boy: An even more emo version of Sasuske, puts on his suit by snapping his fingers and having a quick puff of smoke appear. He loads his massive gun. A massive, phallic pistol that fires a pair of inch-wide brass balls with each shot. The group is now assembled on the burning stage of the Curtain Dome, screams of the burned and trampled can occasionaly be heard. Red declares "Hentai squad, ROLL OUT!" ... GM: Ok, how do you 'roll out'? Red kicks his foot high into the air and when he brings it back down, he has mounted his Judge Dredd-esque red Hypercycle. He burns rubber off stage. All of The Bad Boy kicks his foot high into the air and when he brings it back down he is on a black BMX bike, with pegs. He does a couple tricks while riding offstage. Glitter Black kicks his foot high into the air, and uses his ankle bracelet comm to call a cab. An ordinary taxi drives right up onto stage and carries him away. Red arrives at the High School (shot on location) to find that Tenta-Probes have descenced from Zardon's Ship and penetrated the building. High School students are screaming in terror and squirming bulges can be seen moving up the Tenta-Probes and into the ship high above. The camera pans up to a radish hanging from wires in front of a static image of "space". Red:ZARDOZ! *Ankle bracelet rings* ... "Hello?" Zardon: What? (Zardoz is played by the director's nephew, who phones in every performance.) Red: Uh... We have arrived! And we're going to stop your Evil Scheme! Zardon:  whatever. *click*.Cut to Glitter Black in the back of the cab... Cabbie: *gobble lobble garble warble* GB: No, I'm not part of the convention. The High School please. Cabbie: *blarble warble* GB: No, not the convention. Don't; don't turn here... Cabbie: *turns* "Hey gm, Power rangers had putties, who are our shock-troop nemisis?" GM: Uh... Fisties! They are brown putties with an obviously foam, oversized fist on one hand, and the first wave of them is coming at you right now! Red: Black, take point! The Black-with-flame-decals squaddie leaps forward, only to have the fistees rush past him as he suddenly drops out of his fighting stance. "You know, I've never tried felafel before. There's supposed to be this great greek place around the corner..." Red uses his single signature move "Running Flame", where he runs though the crowd of fisties, smashing each one with a hammer as bright J-Pop plays in the background. Black has cornered a screaming, panicked coed and is trying to talk her into going to the greek place around the corner with him as tenta-probes burst through walls and drag people away behind him. Glitter Blue looks around, borrows Black's 'bad boy' lighter and uses it to set off the fire alarm and sprinklers, melting the fistees. The GM decides we must be punished for "Piddle farting around", for too long. The Hentai Squaddies stand in an almost completely empty, mostly destroyed high school, but Glitter Blue fumbles around trying to bring his ankle to his ear, then gives up, ducking off screen he grabs someone else's ankle and holds the Their manager/alien commander is calling... "Why are you not rushing off to save your comrade, the *Cue Dramatic Music as the camera zooms in for effect. Credits roll* --------- I have to head out to tonights game, but tune in next post for the exciting conclusion of... The Hentai Squad! And maybe highlights from the EP game.
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Apr 2, 2013 22:41
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| # ? May 21, 2024 14:13 |
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Goddamn, that's quite the derail!
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Apr 3, 2013 00:15
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