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Tim Tebow Just Sitting By Himself In Darkened Florida Gators Football Stadium "Touchdown!" 
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May 2, 2013 21:00
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Teen Pregnancy Rate Prompting More High Schools To Eliminate ‘gently caress Your Brains Out’ Program drat, that program made me into the man I am today.
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May 2, 2013 22:36
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Family Watching Movie White-Knuckles It Through Unexpected Sex Scene Who hasn't been there? And the picture and last line really make the article.
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May 3, 2013 17:57
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Syrian Rebels Hack The Onion's Twitter Account, Attempt to Write Comedy
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May 6, 2013 21:41
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Onion Twitter Password Changed To OnionMan77 'That Ought To Do It,' Company Sources Confirm http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-twitter-password-changed-to-onionman77,32323/
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May 6, 2013 21:51
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The Onion’s Tips On How To Prevent Your Major Media Site From Being Hackedquote:Remember that, worst comes to worst, it’s just a tweet, and it’s not like anyone’s ever had to apologize for a tweet before.
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May 6, 2013 21:53
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Syrian Electronic Army Has A Little Fun Before Inevitable Upcoming Deaths At Hands Of Rebels
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May 6, 2013 22:39
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This is great quote:If you receive an unfamiliar email asking for your username and password, don’t delete it right away. Dig deeper by inputting your personal information and following the links. This is, no joke, how the SEA got the passwords for the AP and Onion's accounts. quote:If your Twitter account is hacked, don’t be afraid to contact Twitter with your concerns. Their world-class tech team will respond in a fastidious manner to get your account up and running again within seconds. Hmm
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May 6, 2013 23:00
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This is amazing: We Were Going To Take Over The ‘Onion’ Website, But It’s A Real Mess With All Those Adsquote:Actually, when we first gained unauthorized access to theonion.com, we thought it had already been hacked. Every piece of legitimate content was surrounded by jarring, visually offensive pleas for users’ attention that would have completely overshadowed any arguments we posted about the U.S.’ role as savage, imperialist hypocrites. There’s no way our message could have had any impact if it was immediately covered by an insufferable pop-out video clip of some lovely television show. Christ, if you accidentally scroll over an annoying sidebar ad, you’re basically hosed. Why would any user stick around to read Onion news stories, let alone rhetoric from the Syrian Electronic Army?
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May 6, 2013 23:10
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James Holmes Elected New NRA President James Homes is the guy who shot up the movie theater in Colorado.
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May 6, 2013 23:13
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prefect posted:James Holmes Elected New NRA President It's a follow up to this amazing article: New Gun Law Would Require James Holmes To Undergo Strict Background Check Before Purchasing Firearms I like this article a lot, it's barely even satire.
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May 6, 2013 23:24
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Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult is pretty great. Particularly the last line.
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May 6, 2013 23:34
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prefect posted:
James Holmes’ Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles To Remember Which Mass Shooter He Is http://www.theonion.com/video/james-holmes-arraignment-delayed-as-court-struggle,31636/
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May 7, 2013 00:01
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Dad Defends Purchase Of Bargain-Brand Cereal http://www.theonion.com/articles/dad-defends-purchase-of-bargainbrand-cereal,1396/
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May 7, 2013 14:48
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PleasingFungus posted:Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult is pretty great. I love when she walks out of the courtroom the woman the jury clutches her purse.
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May 7, 2013 17:25
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This has probably been posted before, but it's good enough to risk the repeat: South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year
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May 7, 2013 18:27
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Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death Holy gently caress 
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May 7, 2013 18:34
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Benne posted:Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death Satire, people. Christ.
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May 7, 2013 21:17
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This one was great. 17-Year Cicadas Horrified To Learn About 9/11
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May 8, 2013 02:14
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Holy goddamn this one is perfect (and happened to me only recently): Snooze Button Time Traveler Sets Coordinates For 5 Minutes Into The Future
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May 8, 2013 02:22
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Didn't see this when it first came around, but it popped up on their Facebook page. Pornography-Desensitized Populace Demands New Orifice To Look At
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May 8, 2013 15:49
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internet celebrity posted:This one was great. 17-Year Cicadas Horrified To Learn About 9/11 This is outstanding.
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May 8, 2013 16:23
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Jenny Sanford: 'I'm Loving These Lax Gun Purchasing Laws'
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May 8, 2013 21:23
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Men Are The Best By The Cleveland, OH Kidnapping Victims 
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May 8, 2013 21:57
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/picking-thing-up-from-apartment-floor-rescheduled,32333/ I loved this one. Sometimes it's the most mundane articles that are the ones that make me laugh the most. Though as someone who lives alone in an apartment, it hit a little too close to home!
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May 8, 2013 22:52
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Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing I like the way they're being noticeably insincere without resorting to outright sarcasm, and that cinnamon Mountain Dew is something I can actually imagine being a real thing.
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May 8, 2013 22:56
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Alpha3KV posted:Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing One day, this will be the new "gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades".
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May 9, 2013 01:49
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https://www.smartrecruiters.com/TheOnion/72114972 This keeps popping up on my Facebook feed as something The Onion posted.
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May 10, 2013 01:34
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The Berzerker posted:Dad Defends Purchase Of Bargain-Brand Cereal It's amazing how the funny parts of this article have changed in the ten years since I first saw it. Now that I buy cereal.
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May 10, 2013 07:48
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Obama Speechwriters Unsure How They’d Praise Fort Lauderdale In Event Of Tragedy http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-speechwriters-unsure-how-theyd-praise-fort-l,32364/
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May 10, 2013 07:50
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 Cat Congress Mired In Sunbeam 
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May 10, 2013 15:03
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Took me till Finland to realize that the joke is that these aren't real cities: http://www.theonion.com/articles/top-10-best-cities-to-move-to-today,32372
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May 10, 2013 16:34
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Font Too Small
BrooklynBruiser has a new favorite as of 19:37 on May 10, 2013 |
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May 10, 2013 19:30
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Embarrassed Republicans Admit They've Been Thinking Of Eisenhower Whole Time They've Been Praising Reagan
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May 10, 2013 20:34
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I dont know what the gently caress this is How Am I Supposed To Get Off When News Networks Only Show Obese People From The Neck Down?
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May 10, 2013 20:44
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massive spider posted:I dont know what the gently caress this is How Am I Supposed To Get Off When News Networks Only Show Obese People From The Neck Down? I don't even know where they're coming from on that one. Like the leap of logic the writer had to make for that is pretty . Would have loved to see him/her pitch it to the editor.
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May 10, 2013 22:57
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massive spider posted:I dont know what the gently caress this is How Am I Supposed To Get Off When News Networks Only Show Obese People From The Neck Down? I can't remember the name but this is actually a legitimate psychological phenomena where people with paraphilias and no access to porn geared at their specific fetish find material in regular, non-fetishistic media. It's why YouTube is full of meticulously cataloged videos of weird SFW fetish material like cartoon characters being eaten or women getting stuck in quicksand, or that one pedophile GBS discovered a few years ago who had a website full of screengrabs of kids from movies.
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May 10, 2013 23:06
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Kuvo posted:Embarrassed Republicans Admit They've Been Thinking Of Eisenhower Whole Time They've Been Praising Reagan If this was only the truth.
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May 10, 2013 23:15
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Looks like someone had to fly spirit recently FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The loving Worst
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May 10, 2013 23:36
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massive spider posted:I dont know what the gently caress this is How Am I Supposed To Get Off When News Networks Only Show Obese People From The Neck Down? When the news does stories on obesity they normally have shots of people on the street, but from the neck down to protect their identities I guess. And please don't weird fetish shame.
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May 11, 2013 02:39
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