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Aquatic Giraffe posted:That sucks. Have you tried talking to her mom directly, or would that make it worse? Maybe your fiancee is a bit timid to stand up to her mom and your protests about not being included are getting toned down and your MIL doesn't realize you actually want a part of it. Who's paying for the wedding? If you're contributing you can threaten to withhold funds for deposits and stuff until you start getting included in things. My parents have shown tendencies to act like your future MIL but they shut down pretty fast when I remind them that it's my wedding, not theirs. Maybe you just need to sit both of them down and tell them exactly what you wrote in your post. Sitting down with her mom would just make it worse. Paying is being done by her mom and dad (divorced) and my mother, so I can't even use that. I was down there today and we had a massive fight over the guestbook of all things. We did end up talking about it much more calmly after that and she agreed to try and include me more again, so we will see how it goes.
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May 13, 2013 01:59
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:most people are just going to be "yay wedding let's get drunk" and not analyze it any further. This. This is 90% of what a wedding boils down to. Keep that in mind.
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May 13, 2013 03:34
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The GF and I have been together for about 3.5 years and are moving 1800 miles away from her home region together in 3 weeks. I finally had some alone time with her dad tonight for some beers and golf watching. Only took me 5 beers to work up the courage to ask for the fatherly blessing (and received an expected "of course!") so I'm in the engagement ring market! We've had the discussion before and both think diamonds are overpriced/cliche so my plan is to go for a more reasonably priced moissanite ring and probably classically styled, high-end handbag or something that fits her fashion interests. blackswordca which etsy artist are you working with for your ring? I love the one you posted.
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May 13, 2013 03:43
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resident posted:The GF and I have been together for about 3.5 years and are moving 1800 miles away from her home region together in 3 weeks. I finally had some alone time with her dad tonight for some beers and golf watching. Only took me 5 beers to work up the courage to ask for the fatherly blessing (and received an expected "of course!") so I'm in the engagement ring market! We've had the discussion before and both think diamonds are overpriced/cliche so my plan is to go for a more reasonably priced moissanite ring and probably classically styled, high-end handbag or something that fits her fashion interests. This guy He has been amazing. There was a bit of a backlog, but since i was planning on a later proposal it wasn't a big deal. I put my first payment in on April 4th I think it was and from my understanding it'll be done this week. Ill be making my last payment on Friday. They were really good about splitting up payments and working out plans as well. They were also willing to source out different materials and he was one of the few I found that worked in 950 palladium. My original thought was to go with White Sapphire, but the Moissanite was something like $35 more. blackswordca fucked around with this message at 09:23 on May 13, 2013 |
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May 13, 2013 09:12
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Despite my fiancee and I wanting a small wedding (only around 100-150 guests), it looks like that's not going to happen. After talking to both of our parents a few months ago, we rented out a venue which was good enough for up to 300 guests. But because my fiancee's parents can't trim their lists down to less than around 100 each, we had to switch to a different place at the same venue which holds up to 500 guests. That is a shitton of people. I wanted it to be an intimate affair with people my fiancee and I are close to, but there's going to be so many people that we don't know, and that makes me really uncomfortable.
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May 13, 2013 12:32
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To me 150 guest is already a "large" wedding. Holy hell I can't imagine 500 guests. Are they paying for the whole thing, you have no control over the guest list? I think this is one of those situation where a wedding planner might help, the logistics fo 500 people start to get a bit hairy.
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May 13, 2013 13:24
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ihatepants posted:Despite my fiancee and I wanting a small wedding (only around 100-150 guests), it looks like that's not going to happen. After talking to both of our parents a few months ago, we rented out a venue which was good enough for up to 300 guests. But because my fiancee's parents can't trim their lists down to less than around 100 each, we had to switch to a different place at the same venue which holds up to 500 guests. That is a shitton of people. I wanted it to be an intimate affair with people my fiancee and I are close to, but there's going to be so many people that we don't know, and that makes me really uncomfortable. Who's paying for this craziness? It's your wedding. You do not need to have 500 guests. Your parents can suck eggs, sorry.
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May 13, 2013 13:27
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Yeah, our parents are paying for it all, so I don't really have control over finances, but they're letting us choose everything else we want in planning. Can't afford the wedding on my own because I'm just going to be starting my residency program. I have no med school debts to pay, but I also dont have much in savings. I guess the huge guest list is the tradeoff we have to make.
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May 13, 2013 14:27
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ihatepants posted:Yeah, our parents are paying for it all, so I don't really have control over finances, but they're letting us choose everything else we want in planning. Can't afford the wedding on my own because I'm just going to be starting my residency program. I have no med school debts to pay, but I also dont have much in savings. I guess the huge guest list is the tradeoff we have to make. Well, if they're paying for it, yeah unfortunately it's different. Maybe down the road you guys can have a smaller anniversary party sometime with mostly friends.
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May 13, 2013 14:56
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How can you not trim a list of 500 people? That's just mindbogglingly huge. Hopefully they don't make some other ridiculous demand like "We need you both to go around and personally greet every guest."
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May 13, 2013 16:23
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Our rule of thumb for extraneous parental invites was "would this person recognize me/would I recognize them if I ran into them on the street?" Yes = invite; No = cut You should've stuck with your 300 person venue, ours has a 160 person cap so when my parents try to add random people we can just be like "nope sorry no space". Can't really argue with fire codes.
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May 13, 2013 16:52
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ihatepants posted:Despite my fiancee and I wanting a small wedding (only around 100-150 guests), it looks like that's not going to happen. After talking to both of our parents a few months ago, we rented out a venue which was good enough for up to 300 guests. But because my fiancee's parents can't trim their lists down to less than around 100 each, we had to switch to a different place at the same venue which holds up to 500 guests. That is a shitton of people. I wanted it to be an intimate affair with people my fiancee and I are close to, but there's going to be so many people that we don't know, and that makes me really uncomfortable. Jesus christ, that is more people than the average concert venue I go to. Are you guys even going to recognize half the people?
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May 13, 2013 17:26
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For my friends wedding, his mother alone has sent out 350 invites. That's without his father's guests, his guests, his wife's guests, or his wife's mother's and father's guests.
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May 13, 2013 18:39
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Are these families like super loaded or something? That has to start pushing $50-60k or more for the event. I have to imagine that if they're inviting that huge number of people they're not exactly scrimping on other stuff either.
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May 13, 2013 19:00
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I don't understand how anyone knows 350 people that they would invite to a wedding that isn't theirs. I just can't think of that many people that I'd want at my wedding. I'm assuming a boatload of those are co-workers, but how many co-workers are most people close enough to invite to their kid's wedding? I already had to have a talk with my family because they invited a couple that I've never even met. They don't think they'll come, but they should have never verbally invited them. She hasn't given me their address though so if I don't get their address, I'm not sending them an invite.
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May 13, 2013 19:15
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I think there are only one or two parental coworkers on my list, and only because they're family friends. If I hadn't been trimming my list to fit my venue, I think I'd still only maybe hit 200 invites. On the other hand, a lot of it is culture. My Korean coworker was telling me that 500-600 person weddings are commonplace there, but also that it's expected and customary for everyone to bring a cash gift to cover the cost of the wedding. If everyone paid for their portion of it, then yeah I'd go hog wild inviting everyone I've ever met but unfortunately that's seen as rude and tacky here so cuts need to be made.
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May 13, 2013 19:35
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I think culture is a big part of it, Asians with our extended families and all. But even so, this is a huge number of people. I mean, I did take a look at my mom's trimmed down list (which included my dad's guests) of about 100 people. The ones she put on there are all close family members and her (and my dad's) closest friends. So they would easily pass the "recognize on the street" test mentioned earlier. I'm not sure about who my fiancee's parents are inviting since they haven't given us a list yet. But with that number, I'm assuming they wanted to invite some of her mother's (corporate law) clients and father's political guests. At least they will be paying for their own guests, since weddings in our culture are traditionally paid for by the groom's family.
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May 14, 2013 04:16
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We're inviting basically everyone we get along with, but the catch is that it's mostly BYOB and sort of a potluck. Honestly, it has been easier than I thought to get people to bring specific things. Granted, I only have around 20 people down for solid food/drink items, but it's a good start for what we predict will be around 150 people. Around here people call these sorts of things "sponsors." Right now it means that we have 4 briskets, cabrito (young goat, whole), two big things of asado (red chile pork stew), about 35 dozen tamales (including chicken, pork, veggie, and vegan), a cake and a simple groom's cake, dip, salad, biscochos (a sort of mexican cookie), a keg, etc. etc. I'm sure more people will bring sides and appetizers. We also have people who will help us with things, like running the kitchen, or decorating. All of these I consider our wedding gifts, and it makes it much more affordable than trying to cater and hire all sorts of things for all our friends and families. Also! I just finished my fascinator! I used hard felt as the base, sewed most of the jewelry and stones on, and hot glued a couple parts including the reinforced backing. The baubles include costume jewelry from my great-grandmother, turquoise and silver jewelry from my mom, mother of pear and turquoise beads, and sparkly buttons from my future sister-in-law-in-law.  Last week I made John's boutonnierre, which includes the matching earring to one of the brooches in my fascinator, a piece from a bracelet worn by my late maternal grandfather, and stars and glittery things I'm using on my hooker wedge heels.  I think I'm also done writing my promises and my declaration of love. The event is less than two weeks away, and I'm pretty set on marking off at least two things on my list every day. melaneyelia fucked around with this message at 05:32 on May 14, 2013 |
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May 14, 2013 05:20
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:On the other hand, a lot of it is culture. My Korean coworker was telling me that 500-600 person weddings are commonplace there, but also that it's expected and customary for everyone to bring a cash gift to cover the cost of the wedding. If everyone paid for their portion of it, then yeah I'd go hog wild inviting everyone I've ever met but unfortunately that's seen as rude and tacky here so cuts need to be made. Yep, culture plays a huge role. South Asian weddings typically have about 500-600 people as well, and I've been to wedding receptions with as many as 1000 people present. For these weddings, if they're related to you and live nearby, they're invited - which is why they get so large. Mine is hopefully going to be in the 200-250 neighbourhood which is small for an Indian wedding, but still 200 more than I really want.
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May 15, 2013 15:59
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jot posted:Yep, culture plays a huge role. South Asian weddings typically have about 500-600 people as well, and I've been to wedding receptions with as many as 1000 people present. For these weddings, if they're related to you and live nearby, they're invited - which is why they get so large. Hehe, yeah, in Greece the entire village is invited. Guests can invite other guests, people can just show up. Trying to explain that things don't work that way in the US (where we have RSVPs and strict limits to who can attend) to my family over there has been a minefield.
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May 15, 2013 19:37
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I didn't know where else to ask this so I hope this is the best place and I'll get some help. Long story short, I had to break off my engagement and now I have a Tiffany diamond engagement ring (paid $29k) that I need to decide what to do with. Obviously I would prefer to sell it. Anybody here know the best way of going about doing this? I doubt pawn shops are the route since they'll probably low ball big time.
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May 18, 2013 04:18
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MrMidnight posted:I didn't know where else to ask this so I hope this is the best place and I'll get some help. From reading the jewelry thread, it seems like the best way to not lose a ton of money on it is to keep it for the next time you get engaged. You can have the ring taken apart and remade in the style your next fiance likes. Tiffany is not going to give you close to what you paid for it, and neither will anyone else because the quality of the stone and metal is the same (or worse) than any local store. You were mostly paying for the name.
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May 18, 2013 14:10
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MrMidnight posted:I didn't know where else to ask this so I hope this is the best place and I'll get some help. I will definitely make an offer on it. I always need secondhand Tiffany rings for those customers that want to buy the name brand item. You can send me a PM here or email me the details at sa-goons@brookheart.com
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May 18, 2013 18:16
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MrMidnight posted:I didn't know where else to ask this so I hope this is the best place and I'll get some help. Another option besides Johnny is I do, now I don't.
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May 19, 2013 01:50
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JohnnyRnR posted:I will definitely make an offer on it. I always need secondhand Tiffany rings for those customers that want to buy the name brand item. Email sent Johnny! Thanks  Btw, I didn't mention this in the email but the style is Tiffany Embrace. MrMidnight fucked around with this message at 04:29 on May 19, 2013 |
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May 19, 2013 04:21
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MrMidnight posted:I didn't know where else to ask this so I hope this is the best place and I'll get some help. 29k?? God drat man. That is insane.
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May 19, 2013 04:22
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Pope on fire posted:29k?? God drat man. That is insane. I make pretty good money? 
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May 19, 2013 04:28
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MrMidnight posted:I make pretty good money? I hope you weren't assuming 3 months was required. And, sorry about the situation, dude!  (god I hate the diamond industry)
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May 20, 2013 02:24
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silvergoose posted:I hope you weren't assuming 3 months was required. And, sorry about the situation, dude! Yeah...next time (if there is one) I'll know better. That's life I guess.
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May 20, 2013 03:35
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What's the etiquette on responding to a 'planned elopement'? My cousin just got married in the US (he's Scottish) and his aunt sent my family a link to some pictures online. I'm not sure if we're supposed to send him congratulations now, or what? Also, while I'm here, what would be the 'right' thing to do if you realised you had to cut the guest list after you'd sent out save the date cards (but before you'd sent out invitations)? A sort-of-friend did this to me a year or so ago. I got a save the date, but then no invite and no explanation of why there was no invite. I know my invitation didn't just get lost in the post because I know other people who the same thing happened to and one of them actually asked what had happened and got told she'd cut the guest list. It always struck me as pretty rude not to at least e-mail us an apology or something.
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May 20, 2013 12:22
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Maud Moonshine posted:Also, while I'm here, what would be the 'right' thing to do if you realised you had to cut the guest list after you'd sent out save the date cards (but before you'd sent out invitations)? A sort-of-friend did this to me a year or so ago. I got a save the date, but then no invite and no explanation of why there was no invite. I know my invitation didn't just get lost in the post because I know other people who the same thing happened to and one of them actually asked what had happened and got told she'd cut the guest list. It always struck me as pretty rude not to at least e-mail us an apology or something. It's already a big breach of ettiquete to send someone a save-the-date, then rescind the invitation. I mean, some times you have to cut down the size of a wedding due to unexpected conditions, e.g. financial hardship. But I would assume you should at least apologize to those on the guest list that didn't make it, even just to let them know what's going on. If you're left hanging there waiting on an invitation, it disrupts your on planning. Extra bonus wedding ettiquete question: I recently attended a college friend's wedding, and for a gift I bought them something off their registry, and a nice bottle of whiskey. Both myself an my fiance were invited. However, when we were getting ready to go, we were looking at the wedding website, and from the description it seemed like it was only a cocktail reception. The reception description said something like "after the cermony, we invite you to relax with a cockatail at [reception location]." So, seeing as how we thought it was a simple cocktail reception, I didn't want to over-gift, so I decided to leave out the bottle of whiskey, which was like $50, and save it for another occasion. Well, long story short, it was full-on dinner, with an over the top cocktail hour that also had enough food to be a meal in itself. Complete with a swan carved out of cheese. Now I feel bad for holding back on the gift. Intead of over-gifting, now I feel like I under-gifted. Would it be bad form to give the "rest" of th gift to them next time I see them, and explain? Or should I just forget about it now? As a side note, I think this is a good reason to be sure you accuractely inform guests on what to expect. We (and my other college friends who attened) all came expecting a 2-3 hour ceremony and cocktail hour. Instead we all got floored when the shuttle driver from the hotel told us that the return trip would be at 3AM. 
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May 20, 2013 13:12
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LogisticEarth posted:It's already a big breach of ettiquete to send someone a save-the-date, then rescind the invitation. I mean, some times you have to cut down the size of a wedding due to unexpected conditions, e.g. financial hardship. But I would assume you should at least apologize to those on the guest list that didn't make it, even just to let them know what's going on. If you're left hanging there waiting on an invitation, it disrupts your on planning. You could just give it to them and explain that you forgot to take it with you to their reception and avoid any chat about your reasoning? Depends on how important it is to you to give what you believe to be an appropriate gift.
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May 20, 2013 13:55
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Eden posted:You could just give it to them and explain that you forgot to take it with you to their reception and avoid any chat about your reasoning? Christ, this, give it to them and pretend you forgot it. Say you both thought the other person had it or something if you feel you need to explain more, but don't say a word about under/over-gifting or anything like that. Everyone knows the kind of thought processes that frequently go on behind wedding gifts, but you're not supposed to bring attention to it.
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May 20, 2013 14:10
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Sockmuppet posted:Christ, this, give it to them and pretend you forgot it. Say you both thought the other person had it or something if you feel you need to explain more, but don't say a word about under/over-gifting or anything like that. Everyone knows the kind of thought processes that frequently go on behind wedding gifts, but you're not supposed to bring attention to it. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Part of the issue is that my fiance and I are building up our registry and figuring out what's appropriate and what's not, so I guess I'm looking at it based on numbers and the finer social details are in the back of my mind, ha. I mean, I bought it for them, so I'd like to give it to them, just wasn't sure how, or if was even appropriate to do so several weeks after the fact.
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May 20, 2013 14:22
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Yeah, I'm on board with the just say you forgot the whiskey when you left the house and you wanted to give it to them in person the next time you saw them.
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May 20, 2013 15:02
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What should I look for in buying an antique ring? It seems like a potential win since we can save a lot of money for important things (like a new car) while still getting something of stature and interest. My girlfriend isn't obsessed with raw diamond size and actually prefers tasteful, creative designs as opposed to brands and carats. and I would like something with no ethical or environmental concerns. I came across the Finely Ring on brilliantearth, and it looks perfect.
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May 21, 2013 03:02
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Fixed Gear Guy posted:What should I look for in buying an antique ring? It seems like a potential win since we can save a lot of money for important things (like a new car) while still getting something of stature and interest. My girlfriend isn't obsessed with raw diamond size and actually prefers tasteful, creative designs as opposed to brands and carats. and I would like something with no ethical or environmental concerns. I came across the Finely Ring on brilliantearth, and it looks perfect. someone suggested this to me so ill just pass it forward, check Etsy before you buy, there is a good chance you'll find something you want for a bit cheaper then a retail store. blackswordca fucked around with this message at 20:20 on May 21, 2013 |
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May 21, 2013 16:54
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Re: the 500-person wedding: A lot of relatively wealthy people also use their kids' wedding as a networking opportunity. To be fair, if someone wanted to pay to invite 500 people to my wedding... I would have a loving blast. I mean, as long as it's not the local white supremacists or something, getting married in front of that kind of crowd seems like it would be awesome.
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May 21, 2013 17:21
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It's shaping up that if nothing drastic happens schedule-wise to either of us we can get married this time next year. Is getting married memorial day weekend a bad idea? I'm torn between it being a good idea since most people have 3 day weekends anyway so they'd have extra wiggle room for traveling, but on the other hand most people make memorial day plans and traveling that weekend can suck. I'm planning on sending out save the dates pretty far in advance since a good chunk of our guests are coming in from out of state so hopefully I can get word out before people make other plans, and we're getting married in a location that's not a big memorial day destination so hotel rooms shouldn't be booked solid.
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May 22, 2013 00:17
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I scheduled my wedding for Independence Day weekend specifically so we could invite more people than we wanted (distant family and such), and be reasonably sure they would be busy. However, only two families out of fifty responses so far have been "non attending". As long as you give notice enough in advance, people who want to come see you will make the time for it, whenever it is.
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May 22, 2013 00:53
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