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Wabznasm posted:A typical r/atheism post, behold: You beat me to it, you goddamn
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May 27, 2013 03:22
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FrozenVent posted:You can tell the exact point in that sentence where the guy got fired. And he didn't even behead him! Thank god that Muslim dude was Albert Einstein.
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May 27, 2013 03:50
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Are we positive r/atheism is supposed to be serious and not an over the top parody like Landover Baptist is for Christianity?
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May 27, 2013 05:12
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Magna Kaser posted:Are we positive r/atheism is supposed to be serious and not an over the top parody like Landover Baptist is for Christianity? It is half troll and parody. Half of it is legitimately trolling atheists, the other ones probably believe what they're saying. Problem is telling which is which anymore.
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May 27, 2013 05:16
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Mister Roboto posted:It is half troll and parody. Half of it is legitimately trolling atheists, the other ones probably believe what they're saying. Wait--are atheists trolling people, or are people trolling atheists? I get so confused. And bonus: *he didn't even behead me!* 
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May 27, 2013 06:02
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Khazar-khum posted:Wait--are atheists trolling people, or are people trolling atheists? I get so confused. Well, almost all of the "atheist" stories out there are probably made up since no one really burns down a church or whatever, they likely just flipped off their parents that forced them to church and wrote in their blog later. That being said, after a certain point there's clearly enough "angry atheist owns christian" stories that it becomes easy to make up some more to mock them. It's done on SA, "I'm atheist, and I did (some horrible thing)." Basically don't believe a single thing on r/atheism because it's all made up from both sides.
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May 27, 2013 06:08
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Magna Kaser posted:Are we positive r/atheism is supposed to be serious and not an over the top parody like Landover Baptist is for Christianity? Thanks to the voting system you can rest assured, even ironic jokeposts are being taken 100% seriously.
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May 27, 2013 07:36
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quote:last day of freshman year was today. We had only two of our classes, because we had first and third period on Thursday. So today we had second and fourth block. My second block is German, and we we're going to sing karaoke. However, the math teacher next door complained a few days before when the seniors had to sing, for they graduated on thursday, rather than Friday. So here's where it gets interesting. See, this math teacher happened to be Polish and this is a German class next door having a wonderful time. Cue pent up butthurt over Germany invading Poland twice, as one of the seniors said after they finished their song. Because of this, the German finals today were reduced to having to answer two questions per person. However, if I didn't get in a special asignment, I would fail. Cue a girl in class who is normally mean to me, giving me an unsigned duplicate of her's. Here's where it get's better. My German teacher's policy is that if an assignment is unsigned, then whoever get's it and signs it first becomes the paper's rightful owner. Cue me get a marker and signing my first name on it and turning it in. I had to go to English next, and after the lunch bell rang, I called home so my mother could bring in an origami phoenix(Japanese, not Arabian). After lunch I was expecting to get called to the office to pick it up. I didn't. So cue me taking the English final and having to go to the library to finish it. It was there I found out my librarian is a devout Dr. Who fan. From the first episode back in 1963. After I finished the final, I got into a long nerd talk with him. Once that was finished, I gave him a link to my normal forum, and I left with pride. I ran back to class, and asked my teacher if I could sing the song I had planned for German. She said yes, but when I mentioned that I'd need the computer so I could project the video and read the lyrics with the background music playing, she said no. This made break down. I sat in a chair and cried silently in anger and disapointment. When people gathered 'round, the teacher left the room and sent me across the hall to the special needs teacher. I explained my situation and she asked if I could sing the song to her. I had her search the song. As soon as the search finished, I was called to the office. There, I got the origami phoenix, and soon claases were called out after I had gotten back to her class. I walked to the hallway and when I saw my crush, I rushed to her, and poked her back. She turned around, and I gave her the phoenix. This is where the awesome kicks in. As I rushed back to sing the song, I sang in perfect harmony with the band. The Song? "Man on Fire", by The Megas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khgrybkBnzM&feature=related So this is what I realized as I got home, very symbolic in a way. I gave my crush a phoenix, a bird reborn in fire, and I sang a song that have to do with getting even and fire. I have become a metaphorical phoenix. This also counts as a crowning moment of heartwarming. And now David After Dentist is on the Tyra Banks Show. "I have become a metaphorical pheonix." Truly beautiful.
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May 28, 2013 08:15
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crowfeathers posted:"I have become a metaphorical pheonix." Truly beautiful. He should've failed English for starting every sentence with "Cue".
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May 28, 2013 08:23
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Most of the documentary Cocaine Cowboys 2 is narrated by a guy that wrote a letter to insane drug kingpin Griselda Blanco while she was incarcerated and became some sort of a lover/middle manager for her. This part describes how a secretary at the DA's office approached him for sex, so they did it right there. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvM9nKNHhYA&t=5116s Ofcourse the only true part is that the case got dismissed because a secretary had phone sex with someone else, dude just painted himself in the story so it has something else in it than him being basically Blanco's little bitch.
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May 28, 2013 08:36
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crowfeathers posted:
Well I dunno, I find this part to be plausible.
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May 28, 2013 08:45
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angelfisher posted:
This was from a few pages back, but holy gently caress, how can someone so brazingly lie? Even in writing it screams "I'm an rear end in a top hat utterly incapable of understanding the concept of truth.". I refuse to believe this isn't a troll or a parody. (Please don't destroy my sweet, sweet delusions.  )
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May 28, 2013 11:01
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crowfeathers posted:"I have become a metaphorical pheonix." Truly beautiful. Here's the song he supposedly sang: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khgrybkBnzM I think this is some kind of Hakan story, even in my nerdiest past, I would never have done something even close to resembling this, who the hell would do this.
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May 28, 2013 15:45
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pathetic little tramp posted:I would never have done something even close to resembling this, who the hell would do this. quote:This also counts as a crowning moment of heartwarming
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May 28, 2013 15:55
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NotAlwaysLearning posted:(My biology class is currently studying human reproduction. A male classmate raises his hand to ask a question.) Oh for fucks sake. How can you screw up the grandfather of STDH?
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May 28, 2013 16:03
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Shai-Hulud posted:Oh for fucks sake. How can you screw up the grandfather of STDH? "There's literally no way to know without going off and sucking a cock, Jimmy. Best get on that dong-slurping." says the most-quickly-terminated biology teacher of all time. *Plus in the beginning it says its a male student, but at the end 'she' claps her hands over her mouth. It was six goddamned lines.
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May 28, 2013 16:26
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Theglavwen posted:"There's literally no way to know without going off and sucking a cock, Jimmy. Best get on that dong-slurping." says the most-quickly-terminated biology teacher of all time. No the teacher punches herself in the mouth because she realizes she will be fired.
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May 28, 2013 16:33
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They meant that the teacher's hand went over her mouth after she spoke. Still does not make it any better that she told her student to go suck a dick though.
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May 28, 2013 16:34
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Ahh, gotcha. Yeah, missed that, as I was assuming the old 'student gets embarassed then flees from the room' ending was being paralleled. My bad!
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May 28, 2013 17:11
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Libluini posted:This was from a few pages back, but holy gently caress, how can someone so brazingly lie? Even in writing it screams "I'm an rear end in a top hat utterly incapable of understanding the concept of truth.". I refuse to believe this isn't a troll or a parody. (Please don't destroy my sweet, sweet delusions. I think maybe that was supposed to be like an artistically expressed utopian vision: a place where everyone lies down when someone trips in public.
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May 28, 2013 18:49
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crowfeathers posted:"I have become a metaphorical pheonix." Truly beautiful. Can anyone give me an explanation of whats going on in this one? I feel like he is starting to tell a story then switches to a different story every sentence.
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May 28, 2013 19:29
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Grody posted:Can anyone give me an explanation of whats going on in this one? I feel like he is starting to tell a story then switches to a different story every sentence. "Cue no one understanding what the hell I'm going on about."
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May 28, 2013 19:32
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Grody posted:Can anyone give me an explanation of whats going on in this one? I feel like he is starting to tell a story then switches to a different story every sentence. Yeah he's "cue-ing" so much crap that it really doesn't seem to make any sense in the end. quote:After a friend bounced on us, we desperately needed a roommate. So, we found a guy off of Craigslist... "He never once acted aggressively towards us. Extremely loyal as well." Are they talking about a man or a dog ? Is it just me or is that a weird way to put it ? One redditors Best roommate story Fathis Munk has a new favorite as of 19:43 on May 28, 2013 |
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May 28, 2013 19:32
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Liar on reddit posted:Pretext: In college I had a dorm mate named Darrell. We called him "truth or Darrell". ToD had a problem. What many would refer to sex addiction. I would be sitting with him in dorm chatting get up to use the toilet across the hall and the door would be locked when i got back, with ToD saying: "hold up...one sec...hold up..." or I would come in to the dorm and he would be having sex with WHOMEVER, WHERE EVER.To each his own. I think I know why Darrell didn't remember it, because it didn't happen. edit: Heres two for the price of one! Liar on reddit posted:I lived with a brother and sister as roommates in a 2 bedroom apartment. (I pretty much slept on a couch.) Anyway, one night we were having a keg party. During the party, some guy who was a "friend of a friend", ended up getting grabby with my female roommate. She shrieked, and my male roommate, her brother, ran over and hit the guy in the head with a glass ashtray. The dude runs out of our apartment yelling gang poo poo and making threats. Yea we totally didn't call the cops when some guy with a rifle shows up and starts shooting. Virginia Slams has a new favorite as of 20:52 on May 28, 2013 |
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May 28, 2013 20:47
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I like the mental image of a big guy running over to tackle a man with a rifle and then both standing up and just casually strolling away in different directions.
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May 28, 2013 23:36
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:I like the mental image of a big guy running over to tackle a man with a rifle and then both standing up and just casually strolling away in different directions. Life is just like Saints Row.
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May 29, 2013 03:49
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Reading through these, I keep itching to post an example of STDH done right, from the extraordinary Tom Waits. You may have heard it before.Tom Waits posted:I was in a line at a supermarket the other day, and I had all my things on the little conveyor belt there. There's a gal in front of me that is, well, she's staring at me, and I'm getting a little nervous. And she continues to stare at me. And I keep looking the other way.
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May 29, 2013 06:19
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Grody posted:edit: Heres two for the price of one!
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May 29, 2013 15:51
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Jay Rust posted:Reading through these, I keep itching to post an example of STDH done right, from the extraordinary Tom Waits. You may have heard it before. After telling his story, Tom Waits then proceeded to drink a half gallon of bourbon and fall asleep beside the trash can fire, surrounded by empty bean cans and discarded leather shoes.
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May 29, 2013 16:31
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hate pants posted:After telling his story, Tom Waits then proceeded to drink a half gallon of bourbon and fall asleep beside the trash can fire, surrounded by empty bean cans and discarded leather shoes. ...while on shore leave in some horribly distant country, trying to prove his manhood to a woman that's already moved on and married another man only slightly less cruel than her. Wabznasm posted:A typical r/atheism post, behold: I pity these people so much. You know they desperately wish they had the balls in the real world to mouth off the way they do with an outcome that validates their unassailable world view of ironclad logic. The only escalated confrontation I ever had with an obnoxious fundamentalist in public didn't work out very well for me at all... a JW was pamphletting on a bus. I refused it, he threw it in my lap, so I got mad and threw it back into his chest. Then we both got thrown off the bus and I was late to work, the end.
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May 29, 2013 17:17
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hate pants posted:After telling his story, Tom Waits then proceeded to drink a half gallon of bourbon and fall asleep beside the trash can fire, surrounded by empty bean cans and discarded leather shoes. Speaking of Tom Waits, he once told a story about how he took his kids on a trip to the dump to get rid of an old sofa or something. On the way, they stopped at a music store. Tom sat down and played one of the display pianos, curious if anyone in the shop would recognize him. No one did. He got up, moved over to the drums, and played a little. Again, no one batted an eye. He shrugged, and he and his family left and continued on to the dump. Where everyone was a massive fan of his, and were beyond excited to see him. Sure, it's probably STDH, but it's Tom Waits. I want to believe.
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May 29, 2013 17:49
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Grody posted:I think I know why Darrell didn't remember it, because it didn't happen. I don't think "pretext" means what he thinks it means either, at least not the way most people use it. Crow Jane posted:Tom Waits. I can totally believe the part where Tom Waits walks into a music shop and isn't recognised. He's not like Paul McCartney or Mick Jagger, where more or less everyone's seen photos of them at some point. The bit where the town dump is full of Tom Waits fans, though...
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May 29, 2013 18:30
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Crow Jane posted:Speaking of Tom Waits, he once told a story about how he took his kids on a trip to the dump to get rid of an old sofa or something. On the way, they stopped at a music store. Tom sat down and played one of the display pianos, curious if anyone in the shop would recognize him. No one did. He got up, moved over to the drums, and played a little. Again, no one batted an eye. He shrugged, and he and his family left and continued on to the dump. Where everyone was a massive fan of his, and were beyond excited to see him. Tom Waits could straight-facedly tell me any of the STDH in this entire thread and I would clap so hard my hands would get married.
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May 29, 2013 18:32
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sweeperbravo posted:Tom Waits could straight-facedly tell me any of the STDH in this entire thread and I would clap so hard my hands would get married.
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May 29, 2013 19:41
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:I've never seen it put quite this way, "clap so hard my hands would get married" is freakin hilarious and such a good way to put it I had to stop and compliment. I thought so too but couldn't think of a way to put it that didn't seem awkward.
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May 29, 2013 20:05
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 Happy to be of service.What's that graphic designer's site that's basically Not Always Right but with design? The last time i looked at it I thought it was funny, I want to go back now and see if I hate it.
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May 29, 2013 21:02
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Clientsfromhell.net?
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May 29, 2013 21:07
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ibntumart posted:Clientsfromhell.net? Yup, that'd be the one. And gee that didn't take long quote:ME: Just a heads up, if you log onto our website, you can see that the site is down. My publisher has been unreliable and I am working as quickly as I can to get the site back up. I’m so sorry for this; I’ll let you know when the article is posted as soon as possible. But some of these anecdotes, man. Man
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May 29, 2013 21:11
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quote:At the last phase of a brand identity project, which included a logo and business cards, I sent the final proofs as the (contractually stipulated) deliverables… I love how the designer in this manages to make himself look like a huge rear end in a top hat and ignorant of his own craft to boot. Like really? What the hell kind of graphic designer would try claiming that converting a PNG is the same as having an original PSD? step aside has a new favorite as of 22:04 on May 29, 2013 |
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May 29, 2013 21:31
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quote:Kinda tacky, but I don't have an issue with it. I mean it is just gold electroplate if not gold leaf. In reality that is a minuscule amount of gold. I am guessing that it isn't the most wasteful use of gold in the hotel. Golf flecks in champagne would not be out of the norm for a 5 star hotel. Heck, I am just an IT guy and have eaten gold leaf chocolate on multiple occasions at events for geeks. Gizmodo comments on the Burj Khalifa providing gold-plated ipads to guests as part of the hospitality service. The only believable part is that he worked in a jewelry factory.
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May 29, 2013 22:38
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