KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

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Criminal Minded: Jan 4, 2005; Spring break forever

I SAID MILKY WHITE

# ? Jul 9, 2013 05:28

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# ? May 31, 2024 17:28

Momomo: Dec 26, 2009; Dont judge me, I design your manhole

Criminal Minded posted:

I SAID MILKY WHITE

I don't like to give out bites.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 06:52

Hank Morgan: Jun 17, 2007; Light Along the Inverse Curve.

How can I do this? How can I move back in with those people? Please, tell me. They're insane. You know that.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 12:00

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

You know, I still don't understand - why do you want to move back in with your parents?

# ? Jul 9, 2013 12:08

Coffee And Pie: Nov 4, 2010; "Blah-sum"?
More like "Blawesome"

Maybe this will become a cool thing, living with your parents!

# ? Jul 9, 2013 15:42

ZekeNY: Jun 13, 2013; Probably AFK

Yeah, see, I think people want to look like pirates. You know, it's the right time for it . . . to be all puffy, and devil-may-care.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 16:01

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

My mother caught me.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 16:10

Gyshall: Feb 24, 2009; Had a couple of drinks.
Saw a couple of things.

Look to the cookie!

# ? Jul 9, 2013 16:40

The Finn: Aug 27, 2004; إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Hank Morgan posted:

How can I do this? How can I move back in with those people? Please, tell me. They're insane. You know that.

Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table? You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breathe and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner, even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walkin' barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? Do ya? Huh?

# ? Jul 9, 2013 16:51

mcvey: Aug 31, 2006; go caps haha

*Washington Capitals #1 Fan On DeviantArt*

potee posted:

My mother caught me.

She caught you? Doing what??

# ? Jul 9, 2013 17:21

Cuban Chowder Factory: Jun 3, 2002

You know whose hands his remind me of? Ray McKigney

# ? Jul 9, 2013 17:44

ZekeNY: Jun 13, 2013; Probably AFK

You don't have to worry about me. I won a contest.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 17:55

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

ZekeNY posted:

You don't have to worry about me. I won a contest.

YOU NEVER MENTIONED HIS HANDS TO ME!

# ? Jul 9, 2013 18:26

Billy Zane: Jun 24, 2003; Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude.

What do you think, junior? You think these hands have been soakin' in Ivory liquid?

# ? Jul 9, 2013 20:33

ultramiraculous: Nov 12, 2003; "No..."; Grimey Drawer

Billy Zane posted:

What do you think, junior? You think these hands have been soakin' in Ivory liquid?

White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 21:33

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

ultramiraculous posted:

White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.

And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand - in search of low-cost whistles. Filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own opium excursions.

Plus, I gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 21:53

Hank Morgan: Jun 17, 2007; Light Along the Inverse Curve.

I know what you're going through. I too once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was travelling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown, all of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste," he said. That was all it took.

# ? Jul 9, 2013 22:09

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Gyshall posted:

Look to the cookie!

# ? Jul 9, 2013 23:33

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

I'm mossy Jerry. My brain is mossy!

# ? Jul 9, 2013 23:37

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

Listen to this idea: A restaurant that serves only peanut butter and jelly.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 00:17

Capt. Sticl: Jul 24, 2002; In Zion I was meant to be
'Doze the homes
Block the sea
With this great ship at my command
I'll plunder all the Promised Land!

How about this? A store that's nothing but the back. You walk in the front, you're in the back. Call it "Just Back"

# ? Jul 10, 2013 00:26

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

Coffee And Pie posted:

Maybe this will become a cool thing, living with your parents!

It smells like the last tenant had monkeys or something.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 00:41

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 00:46

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Ehud posted:

I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

Oh no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 00:55

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Hey, how 'bout this: ketchup and mustard in the same bottle!

# ? Jul 10, 2013 01:25

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Is there a Comedians in Cars thread? There's something special in the Letterman episode that I dont think ever made it to air, unless theres an episode I've never seen.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 01:51

Root Bear: Nov 15, 2004; DARKEST SKETCH

Ehud posted:

I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

I'm going to surround myself in wood.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 03:16

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

jojoinnit posted:

Is there a Comedians in Cars thread? There's something special in the Letterman episode that I dont think ever made it to air, unless theres an episode I've never seen.

Discussion for it tends to happen (briefly) in here, what was the something special?

# ? Jul 10, 2013 03:21

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Jerusalem posted:

Discussion for it tends to happen (briefly) in here, what was the something special?

An unaired clip of Letterman appearing in Jerrys apartment that must have been cut from some episode.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 03:56

WarEternal: Dec 26, 2010; Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!

It was probably some promotional clip, there's a bunch of those on the DVDs and a Letterman one sounds vaguely familiar.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 04:09

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

Root Bear posted:

I'm going to surround myself in wood.

It's so cozy, I'm ensconced in velvet.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 05:10

goodog: Nov 3, 2007

Hey, I am not here for rage! I'm here for revenge!

# ? Jul 10, 2013 05:20

thepokey: Jul 20, 2004; Let me start off with a basket of chips. Then move on to the pollo asado taco.

THEY'RE MEN WITH JOBS, JERRY!

# ? Jul 10, 2013 06:04

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

thepokey posted:

THEY'RE MEN WITH JOBS, JERRY!

Oh that's nice, kind of a hard-labor fantasy camp.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 06:39

Rageaholic: May 31, 2005; Old Town Road to EGOT

Sash! posted:

Oh that's nice, kind of a hard-labor fantasy camp.

His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall rear end backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 09:05

Hank Morgan: Jun 17, 2007; Light Along the Inverse Curve.

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

# ? Jul 10, 2013 09:17

Capt. Sticl: Jul 24, 2002; In Zion I was meant to be
'Doze the homes
Block the sea
With this great ship at my command
I'll plunder all the Promised Land!

I've always been a stall man!

# ? Jul 10, 2013 11:55