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Barehanded Brother posted:I like my recursion like I like my recursion: What does Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle initial stand for? Benoit B. Mandelbrot
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Jul 20, 2013 14:01
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 23:42 |
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How many men's rights advocates does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, because men are biologically designed to provide the basic human needs such as light, food, and shelter, unlike females who would just let their pathetic emotions get in the way. Why don't I have a girlfriend
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Jul 21, 2013 03:24
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Zeff Clancy posted:What does Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle initial stand for? What's an anagram for "Banach-Tarski"? Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
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Jul 22, 2013 20:47
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What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car outside of an abortion clinic? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
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Jul 29, 2013 00:35
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Here's one I made up and am semi proud of: What do you call a lizard that's covered with bold shapes with bright colours? Art Gecko I was also trying to work out one about the Zionist conspiracists being right, after all it was an ice-berg that sunk the Titanic, but I'm not sure that berg as a suffix is particularly indicative of a Jewish name. Also most people I tried it out on (about 4) I had to pretty much explain about the Zionist conspiracy.
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Jul 31, 2013 23:17
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There's one that riffs on stereotypes that's similar. Some Jew mixes up common Mexican names and tries to laugh it off, I forget the very beginning, and the Mexican fires back with "Yeah well your brother is a mass-murderer too, he killed everyone on the Titanic." "What? No he didn't! There's nobody like that in my family!" "Iceberg, Goldberg, same difference.  "
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Jul 31, 2013 23:34
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I've heard it told the following way: An old Jew is sitting on a park bench in Central Park, New York, when an old Asian-looking man sits down next to him. The Jew immediately punches him in the face. "What the hell was that for?", says the old Asian guy, clutching his nose. "That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jew snarls. "I'm Korean, you idiot, not Japanese!" "Korean, Chinese, Japanese, same difference", says the Jew and settles back on the bench, only in turn to be punched in the face by the old Korean gentleman. "Now what the hell was THAT for?", the Jew asks. "That was for the Titanic." "THE TITANIC? That thing was sunk by an iceberg!" The old Korean shrugs: "Iceberg, Greenberg, Goldberg, same difference."
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Aug 1, 2013 02:07
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Made me up another one: What's a fisherman's favorite instrument? The Castanet
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Aug 1, 2013 15:57
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steve cardigan posted:Made me up another one: Not the bass?
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Aug 1, 2013 16:18
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Dave Syndrome posted:I've heard it told the following way: Hah, good one! I know the next one in italian, I'll try to translate it: Italy, second world war. A farmer is driving his cart pulled by a donkey, next to him is his dog and in the cart there are a few sheeps. Suddenly a german officer orders him to stop "HALT! Du must bring me to the german kommand! Schnell!". The farmer can only obey, and the officer sits next to the dog. On the way, an american fighter bomber sees the german officer and dives for the kill, opening fire with the machine guns. Smoke, noise and a scene of destruction are what's left after the passage. The officer stands up and is, of course, unharmed. He sees the donkey lying on the ground, obviously suffering... "Poor beast! I can see no animal suffer!" and promptly finishes it off with his pistol. He then sees the dog, breathing painfully in a pool of his own blood... "Poor beast! I can see no animal suffer!" and promptly finishes it off with his pistol. The same, of course happens with the sheeps. Then the farmer emerges from behind the cart, without an arm, trying to keep his own guts inside the body with the hand, with a cheek dangling and exposing part of the skull; he greets the officer saying "Dude! Look at this! Not even a scratch!".
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Aug 1, 2013 20:28
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Minarch posted:Not the bass? I'm open to herring different sturgeons of the joke.
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Aug 2, 2013 18:43
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Goldberg, Goldfish, what's the difference!
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Aug 2, 2013 20:25
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MoFauxHawk posted:Goldberg, Goldfish, what's the difference! "Goldberg, Gillberg, what's the difference?" -- Vince Russo
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Aug 3, 2013 00:33
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Why not Zoidberg? 
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Aug 3, 2013 03:59
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steve cardigan posted:Made me up another one: Minarch posted:Not the bass? steve cardigan posted:I'm open to herring different sturgeons of the joke. If that fisherman's as good a musician as you say, do you thin he can tuna fish?
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Aug 3, 2013 23:00
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Cippalippus posted:Hah, good one! I've heard that one told slightly differently in English: A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the…” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. ”Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?” Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.” Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. ”Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move. “However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. “Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, ‘How are you feeling?’ “Now what the gently caress would you say?”
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Aug 3, 2013 23:09
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Quit carping on will you guys? I've haddock up to here, and I hake it that it's getting to me like this.
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Aug 3, 2013 23:10
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Derailing this thread into nothing but fish jokes is pretty shellfish.
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Aug 3, 2013 23:17
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Yeah, these puns are wearing fin.
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Aug 3, 2013 23:49
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And just what would you bass that opinion on?
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Aug 3, 2013 23:51
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Alternative pants posted:And just what would you bass that opinion on?
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Aug 4, 2013 00:21
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Holy Mackerel
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Aug 4, 2013 00:32
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I will krill you all.
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Aug 4, 2013 00:56
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Don't have a sea cow, man.
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Aug 4, 2013 01:35
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Here's another fish joke, just for the halibut.
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Aug 4, 2013 02:21
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This is neither the time nor the plaice for this behaviour.
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Aug 4, 2013 02:31
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Puns are poissoning this thread.
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Aug 4, 2013 02:40
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The mods are gonna krill us.
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Aug 4, 2013 02:52
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Ball Cupper already used krill. You don't have to be a brain sturgeon to come up with a new pun 
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Aug 4, 2013 02:54
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Minarch posted:Ball Cupper already used krill. You don't have to be a brain sturgeon to come up with a new pun It must be easy to be condescending from so high up on your perch.
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Aug 4, 2013 03:04
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Are you saying I should get off my high seahorse?
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Aug 4, 2013 03:07
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Caviar get along?
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Aug 4, 2013 03:13
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Ha ha, FISH JOKE 
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Aug 4, 2013 03:19
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You will roe the day you failed to take fish puns seriously!
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Aug 4, 2013 03:32
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Keep this up and they'll be a whale of a probation for a lot of us!
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Aug 4, 2013 03:37
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Ehh, I say keep it up. Carpe diem and all that.
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Aug 4, 2013 03:53
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I'm trying to come up with another pun, but I seem to be floundering.
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Aug 4, 2013 03:58
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I will beat all of you to death with a large fish.
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Aug 4, 2013 04:04
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I suppose that puns are technically jokes, though really crappie ones.
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Aug 4, 2013 04:05
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 23:42 |
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If your Uncle Jack helped you off a horse would you help your Uncle Jack off a horse?
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Aug 4, 2013 04:14
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