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Ok Benny, I've got a few thoughts after looking lookingthrough your ReptileReviewer blog. Since the start of 2013 you have made: 9 posts in January, 3 total "comments" which are pingbacks, not real people. 3 posts in February, no comments. 7 posts in March, no comments. I'm not going to go through the rest because I think this small excerpt gets the point across. Who, or more specifically what subculture are you writing for? Who do you view as your main audience? You should also look in to instaling some SEO tools on your site if you haven't already. GoogleAnalytics is free and wil help you see where your visitors are coming from from so you'll know in what way to tailor your future posts. It just doesn't make sense to me why you would write all this review bs that you're obviously getting NO feedback on, when you could spend that same ammount of time working on something that you seem a little more passionate about AND could take advantage of the great resources that SA has on offer.
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Aug 8, 2013 07:17
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That drat Satyr posted:
I'm going to second the need for feedback here. I'm no writer, but your posts suffer from the same convoluted construction, incorrect colloquialisms, and poor grammar (it's vs its? From a college graduate?) as your comments here. From your writing it's clear that you're intelligent and put a fair amount of thought into your work. But these basic mistakes are holding you back. Grammar can be fixed by an editor but your confusing sentence structure keeps you from having a distinct 'voice' as a writer. If you fix these issues you'll be in a better position to grow overall.
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Aug 8, 2013 07:58
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I'm also not sure what "geek eratta" is. I'm assuming "errata" is the word you meant to spell, but even that doesn't make sense. Benny, I think it's great you're getting some writing feedback, but right now I'm nervous that the level of feedback you're going to get is going to overwhelm you. Maybe you should refocus the thread back to interview tips and job ideas? Let writing be a hobby for now, and not a career goal until your health is a little more stable.
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Aug 8, 2013 08:33
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First sentence in Benny's blog posted:“The Wolverine” was as superhero movie with the potential to be something great. Oh Benny!
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Aug 8, 2013 11:56
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Second paragraph in Benny's blog posted:Singer’s mangum opus That's our silly Benny! e: this is rubbish
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Aug 8, 2013 16:17
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My blog is a personal project. It's not really meant for a specific audience; really it's for anyone who's interested in geek culture and movies. I started it a while back when my academic advisor suggested blog writing to me and it's been there ever since.
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Aug 8, 2013 16:49
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Benny, I am not trying to be a jerk, but holy gently caress, you are looking for editing work? I feel like I'm in the Cook and Moore sketch about the actor with one leg who wants to star in a Tarzan film. You excuse away your fractured syntax, approximate-at-best word usage, and horrible spelling on your posts here because it's an informal forums environment. Okay, that's fine as far as it goes, but your reviews blog has exactly the same problems. If you're keeping your good writing in the closet for a special occasion, take it out for an airing more often. Seriously, I feel like your professors did you a disservice by not alerting you to the issues you seem to have with the basic mechanics of formal written English. One of the things you might want to consider doing in your spare time is finding a good free online university course (Coursera and edX are two good places to start) in the fundamentals of writing.
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Aug 8, 2013 17:16
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Benny's blog first sentences posted:“The Wolverine” was as superhero movie with the potential to be something great. It could’ve been as good as “Iron Man 3” or “The Amazing Spider-Man”; or even as good as “The Dark Knight”. But instead, it just managed only to be good and not great. After taking stock of the other films in the “X-Men” series, I have a working theory that there has emerged a pattern: the quality of an X-Men film is indirectly proportional to the amount of executive micromanagement. We are like 8 sentences in and you've used a semi-colon and 3 colons. You like specialty punctuation alot. That last paragraph you use two of them in a row. It is very odd. Seriously, did they turn you down from the editing job because of your 'office experience' or your sample work you provided?
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Aug 8, 2013 17:37
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Here is some legitimate writing feedback if you want to improve:quote:“The Wolverine” was as superhero movie with the potential to be something great. It could’ve been as good as “Iron Man 3” or “The Amazing Spider-Man”; or even as good as “The Dark Knight”. But instead, it just managed only to be good and not great. 1. Come up with better ways to describe something other than "great" or "good." 2. Don't use the same words in every sentence for an entire paragraph. 3. I don't know if you wrote "it just managed only to be good and not great" because you think it fits your voice or whatever, but you are allowed to split infinitives. 4. Learn what a cliche is and never publish a piece of writing with one again. 5. Typos tear your credibility down. Post like a jackass all you want on forums, but if you ever want to show a potential employer this blog as ~writing experience~, clean up the stupid mistakes.
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Aug 8, 2013 17:43
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What really infuriates me is that Wolverine was way better than Amazing Spider-man. I don't know how to describe the mixture of rage and pity I felt reading that blog. It wasn't great, just good. Too bad it couldn't have been great, that would have been good.  There's no way your english degree qualified you for anything, manual labor, retail, or low end tech slave is the only thing you could possible be trusted with. And even then gently caress it up without constant supervision.Benny the Snake posted:
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Aug 8, 2013 18:37
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Hahaha jesus christ.
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Aug 8, 2013 19:35
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Benny the Snake posted:Ugh, that was just a sample of my writing. Posting this was not a smart decision.
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Aug 8, 2013 19:37
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Benny's Blog posted:I’m especially caustic towards this film because of the caliber of the director. This was my first del Toro film, but I’m familiar enough with “Pan’s Labyrinth” to know that he’s better than this. I have to watch that film but based on the premise alone, “Pacific Rim” is a giant step backward for him. “Pan’s Labryinth” is an extended metaphor on the horror of war with the subtext of the Spanish Civil War told through a dark and disturbing fairy tale with a young girl as its protagonist. And here we have a generic send-up to anime with characters devoid of any personality or development to facilitate the rock-em-sock-em antics. It’s a matter of anticipation: you expect different things form different people and directors are no different. I’ve seen three of Roland Emmerich’s films do date, “White House Down” included. I know what to expect from him; giant explosions and completely unsubtle and unapologetic political subtext. My expectations for him are low but for somebody like del Toro, who has a distinct approach to horror and related elements, I expect much better. This paragraph is really bad. "I especially hated this movie because I hold the director to a higher standard. I've never seen his other movies, but they're way better." Edit: Do you really believe that "flying saucer b-movies and giant monster films" are obscure sub-genres of sci-fi? What do you think the word obscure means? Babylon the Bright fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Aug 8, 2013 |
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Aug 8, 2013 20:03
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Babylon the Bright posted:This paragraph is really bad. "I especially hated this movie because I hold the director to a higher standard. I've never seen his other movies, but they're way better." Yeah, that's really weird. You gotta at least see Cronos OP!
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Aug 8, 2013 20:12
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Benny the Snake posted:My blog is a personal project. It's not really meant for a specific audience; really it's for anyone who's interested in geek culture and movies. That's not how it works for a writer. You're supposed to be trying to do good work every time. There's a saying that you have to write a million bad words before you write something good. That only applies if you're learning from your mistakes. If you look at your mistakes and say "naah, this isn't my real writing", you don't learn anything. You keep writing the same million bad words over and over and over again. It doesn't matter if you're writing blog entries or SomethingAwful or your novel -- you need to build the habit of good writing. It's time to become a perfectionist about your writing. If you're serious about it, seek out critiques, stop making excuses, and fix your work.
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Aug 8, 2013 20:46
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Arsenic Lupin posted:Stop making excuses. When somebody critiques your work here, you always have a reason that you weren't trying hard anyway.
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Aug 8, 2013 20:56
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm gonna take my blog to CC then. Apparently I'm better at fiction writing than I am blog writing or at least I've gotten more people to look over it. With respect, Benny, the excerpt of your fiction that was formerly posted here had a lot of the same problems.
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Aug 8, 2013 20:59
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If you really do want to get into reviewing, outside of serious editing it seems like you need to do some major research. You got called out in your Avengers thread a few times for saying things about Spider-man that weren't even remotely true as a basis for your review. Yeah, it's Spider-man and who cares, but it seems like you do that in a LOT of your reviews based on my knowledge. For example your Pacific Rim review is totally based on the idea that Pacific Rim was inspired by anime when it actually wasn't at all: "kaiju" as a genre isn't even remotely new and isn't based in or on anime whatsoever. Guillermo del Toro has discussed this. However your review is all about how it's totally anime, and also how del Toro did everything wrong (when it seems most of your issues are to do with the writing, which he didn't do-- a director and a writer are not the same thing) despite not having seen any of his movies and then also for some baffling reason it's bad because "the director has made movies with a more serious tone before" even though del Toro has repeatedly said Pacific Rim was basically a movie to inspire kids! Pan's Labyrinth is not something I would take a kid to, ever, which you might agree with if you had actually seen the movie. I don't even need esoteric knowledge to know you don't know what you're talking about! I'm the average movie-goer, so you're going to have way more trouble with people who DO actually know/care a lot about those movies (and hint: they're the kinds of people who read long movie reviews!). I realize this is pedantic nitpicking, but the thing is people are going to read your reviews only because they want to know what you had to say about the subject. Many of those people are going to know about the movie and its subject, that is why they chose to go out and pay to see the movie or take the time to learn/read more about it. I think it's a very, very bad idea to think reviewing is all about just saying "here is how I felt about that movie in a lot of words." You need to know what the hell you're discussing before anything you say is worth reading. You literally don't know what you're talking about and it is really obvious to the people who would be your audience! If you want to write about del Toro as a director, watch his movies. If you want to talk about the bastardization of Spider-man as a character and Marvel's hand in that, read the goddamn comics. You make a lot of statements about things you know nothing about and you have tons of time to actually learn about/experience those things. Also, many of your criticisms seemed to be based on comparing movies to others (including ones you have literally not seen) for no real reason other than "they remind me of ___": Different movies are made for different purposes and for different audiences. They are different movies with different artistic goals. I feel like your inability to recognize this is a reflection on your inability to think about your own audience: you need to consider why people are making things the way they are and presenting things the way they are because successful people (both in reviewing and movie-making) create with those goals and boundaries in mind. You will not be successful blogging about movies if you aren't willing to do the most fundamental learning about the subjects you're talking about and write with your audience in mind. You change the way you talk depending on who you're talking to and what you're talking about; you should change the way you write depending on subject and audience. As it stands, it looks like you're just ranting to a friend who has the exact same knowledge base as you do/a slightly smaller one.
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Aug 8, 2013 21:06
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm gonna take my blog to CC then. Apparently I'm better at fiction writing than I am blog writing or at least I've gotten more people to look over it. Maybe you should work on supporting yourself like an adult before posting even more half readable garbage on the internet. Just a thought OP, stay golden.
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Aug 8, 2013 21:09
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Arsenic Lupin posted:Stop making excuses. When somebody critiques your work here, you always have a reason that you weren't trying hard anyway. It seems to me that this issue extends to Benny's whole life, not just writing. Granted, of course ianad but maybe if he was paying a little more attention at his job he wouldn't have made the careless mistake of pushing a cart into someone's door. Maybe if he was paying a little more attention he wouldn't have gotten behind on the warehouse packing job he held for a whole day. Maybe if he was paying a little more attention he could have managed to swing that line cook job. It just really comes across that this is a deeper issue of carelessness and apathy, at least to me. Brazilian Werewolf posted:I realize this is pedantic nitpicking, but the thing is people are going to read your reviews only because they want to know what you had to say about the subject. Many of those people are going to know about the movie and its subject, that is why they chose to go out and pay to see the movie or take the time to learn/read more about it. I think it's a very, very bad idea to think reviewing is all about just saying "here is how I felt about that movie in a lot of words." You need to know what the hell you're discussing before anything you say is worth reading. You literally don't know what you're talking about and it is really obvious to the people who would be your audience! If you want to write about del Toro as a director, watch his movies. If you want to talk about the bastardization of Spider-man as a character and Marvel's hand in that, read the goddamn comics. You make a lot of statements about things you know nothing about and you have tons of time to actually learn about/experience those things. Also, many of your criticisms seemed to be based on comparing movies to others (including ones you have literally not seen) for no real reason other than "they remind me of ___": Different movies are made for different purposes and for different audiences. They are different movies with different artistic goals. I feel like your inability to recognize this is a reflection on your inability to think about your own audience: you need to consider why people are making things the way they are and presenting things the way they are because successful people (both in reviewing and movie-making) create with those goals and boundaries in mind. You will not be successful blogging about movies if you aren't willing to do the most fundamental learning about the subjects you're talking about and write with your audience in mind. You change the way you talk depending on who you're talking to and what you're talking about; you should change the way you write depending on subject and audience. As it stands, it looks like you're just ranting to a friend who has the exact same knowledge base as you do/a slightly smaller one. Listen to this advice - it ties back to what I said earlier, you really need to step back and think about WHO the audience you're writing for is. If it's just for yourself, well I guess that's fine but why are you even bothering to post it online? You're obviously seeking some sort of validation, so make the effort to get the good response that will make you feel good about yourself. That Damn Satyr fucked around with this message at 21:14 on Aug 8, 2013 |
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Aug 8, 2013 21:11
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reflex posted:Here is some legitimate writing feedback if you want to improve: As a reader, I have no concept of what "good" is. "Good" is a comparative adjective, which you're not comparing to anything tangible. What makes something "good" good? What makes bad things bad? We have no idea, because we aren't you. "Good" is your opinion. gently caress your opinion. If you express your feelings about a movie not expressing any real-world themes or perspective, at least that's something I can think of examples for. "Ray Borque was a good hockey player." "Ray Borque was a hockey player who could successfully and consistently hit, fight, stickhandle, score goals, defend and forecheck."
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Aug 8, 2013 21:40
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Benny, serious question, are you ESL? Your writing screams of someone who learned English later in life, and is trying too hard to sound smart but failing miserably. It reads like a half-hearted mash of a second year college student trying to write a "professional" level paper, but being handicapped by sixth grade vocabulary and grammar usage.
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Aug 8, 2013 21:43
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gently caress the ROW posted:Maybe you should work on supporting yourself like an adult before posting even more half readable garbage on the internet. Just a thought OP, stay golden. This. Benny don't worry about CC. Not now. Get and hold a job, ANY job, for 6 months before trying to get criticism on your writing. Trust me. I do plenty of phone typos and have a non-english degree, but god drat...
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Aug 8, 2013 22:33
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Benny, keep writing. Address the clarity, grammar, and control issues in your writing. Don't reinforce bad habits, but definitely keep writing. Some posters- like AlbieQuirky- are giving really good advice about developing the fundamentals of writing.
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Aug 8, 2013 22:42
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Benny, Unless you posted those blogs without proofreading them at all before posting (in which case shame on you) you should give up on paid editing and writing for now. Seriously, I write and edit for a living and I would be fired within days if that was the quality of work I was churning out for customers and for our website and blogs. The occasional fluke is okay but there are way too many to use that excuse. At the risk of being mean I have a cousin in Middle School who has a blog doing reviews and hers is more readable and I would argue her standard of critique is as good as yours and she has no ambitions of making money writing. You are setting yourself up for failure if you try to write or edit for a living right now. You can't do it if that writing gets through your filter as okay. You can't argue that it was just for fun and you are more casual on your blog. It is not casual. It is sloppy. It is bad writing. It is riddled with errors. It is painful to read. There may be hope in the future. Keep reading and writing if you want for your own enjoyment. If you want to be a writer people pay real money to it is not enough to enjoy reading and be able to tell good literature from bad. You have to be able to dissect a book, a paragraph, and a sentence and be able to tell why it is good or (if you are lucky) be able to do this intuitively. If you have an English degree you read a lot. Can you see the difference between your blog posts and what you read in college in terms of style, grammar, and readability? Did you write differently in school? I have a hard time believing you wrote like this in Junior and Senior level college courses and passed.
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Aug 8, 2013 23:54
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The thread that keeps on giving.
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Aug 9, 2013 00:10
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"Movie reivews, articles, and geek eratta"
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Aug 9, 2013 01:37
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Benny, I'm not sure why people are telling you to stop writing. If you dig it then keep it up. My writing is awful and I'm keeping at it. It's fun!
Accretionist fucked around with this message at 02:08 on Aug 9, 2013 |
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Aug 9, 2013 01:38
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Accretionist posted:Benny, I'm not sure why people are telling you to stop writing. If you dig it then keep it up. My writing is awful and I'm keeping at it. It's fun! Writing is fun and therapeutic, yes, but the writing that you are doing in public and ostensibly for profit should actually be polished. Few spelling/grammatical errors, a cohesive point or argument, well-researched, well-reasoned, and entertaining. What Benny is doing does not meet that criteria at all. It's confused, inaccurate, and poorly written. This is supposed to be his best work and the work of which he is most proud. The provided samples do not warrant that. He needs to go back to the basics and work harder on it before trying this again. More importantly, however, he needs to focus on getting and keeping a job.
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Aug 9, 2013 02:21
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Morby posted:Writing is fun and therapeutic, yes, but the writing that you are doing in public and ostensibly for profit should actually be polished. Few spelling/grammatical errors, a cohesive point or argument, well-researched, well-reasoned, and entertaining. What Benny is doing does not meet that criteria at all. It's confused, inaccurate, and poorly written. This is supposed to be his best work and the work of which he is most proud. The provided samples do not warrant that. He needs to go back to the basics and work harder on it before trying this again. More importantly, however, he needs to focus on getting and keeping a job. You know, one upside to the aforementioned Thunderdome(!) is the tight turn around time providing a ready excuse for ineptitude! I reread my last submission after a couple of days and man is there a lot I should've done differently. Things I wouldn't have noticed just a few weeks ago*! * Benny.
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Aug 9, 2013 02:33
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Xenocides posted:Benny, My blog writing really is only for me. Right now I'm focusing on office work so that I can have a day job and better focus on my writing as a potential bestseller. Until then, I'm sending out resumes and cover letters daily and calling up the places I applied to follow up. Xenocides, let me know if you're interested and I'll send you one of my more recent academic papers for you to look over and see if I'm a good writer.
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Aug 9, 2013 02:44
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I really think you should get the idea of 'potential bestseller' out of your head. It isn't doing you any good.
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Aug 9, 2013 02:55
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BB2K posted:I really think you should get the idea of 'potential bestseller' out of your head. It isn't doing you any good.  E: Particularly when tomorrow's self-sabotage is today's defense mechanism!
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Aug 9, 2013 02:58
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Arsenic Lupin posted:Stop making excuses. When somebody critiques your work here, you always have a reason that you weren't trying hard anyway. This post needs to be re-emphasized. Making excuses is not the way to get better at anything (and I say this as someone who has a natural tendency to do so, which I fight constantly). There's no way you'll be able to address everything at once, so just focus on 1 or 2 things at a time until they become second nature, and then start working on other things. If writing is your life's dream/passion and you're not actively trying to improve it, then you have no right to expect any sort of success. Even if it's just blog articles or forum posts, those are a significant chunk of the time you spend writing, so not using that time to improve is utterly wasteful.
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Aug 9, 2013 02:59
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Benny your last post tells me that despite your posting a reply to this persons post you clearly did not read a word of it.Arsenic Lupin posted:Stop making excuses. When somebody critiques your work here, you always have a reason that you weren't trying hard anyway. Your entire last post was yet another 3 paragraph post of you justifying why ineptitude and sub mediocrity is still acceptable in your world. E: As I think about it more, it's perfectly okay if sub mediocrity and ineptitude are good enough for you. But you've been wasting everyone's time for over HALF A YEAR!!!! with this poo poo. Dr. Lariat fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Aug 9, 2013 |
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Aug 9, 2013 03:01
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Benny the Snake posted:My blog writing is a little more slapdash but it's because I like getting my stuff out there on the same day. Everything is wonderful after you've first written it. The reality:  In Stephen King's On Writing, he remarks that he himself will leave a manuscript to sit for 6 weeks!
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Aug 9, 2013 03:08
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Benny the Snake posted:My blog writing is a little more slapdash but it's because I like getting my stuff out there on the same day. So I'll write, let it sit for about a few hours, read it over, and then post. That's for reviews and afterthought pieces. For bigger articles, I'll read through it twice. For my academic projects, I was much, much more considerate about grammar and spelling. I gave y'all those links on the last page to my CD threads to show better examples of my writing. If you'd like my best I guess I could post one of my academic projects but I dunno. I have the worst habit of throwing out stuff so I don't have very many earlier examples. I think it would help us all understand you better if you could post one or two of your academic papers. Just to see the differences.
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Aug 9, 2013 03:11
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I know hearing a lot of criticism is really difficult Benny, and I know what you want to do is to immediately defend yourself, but think of this--I had (well, have I guess, it's not like it died or anything) a blog that I stopped updating some time ago in order to focus more on other projects, and I decided not too long ago that I'd like to start writing again. I read through the posts critiquing your blog and thought "man, I would love to have a group of people just tear into my poo poo for a bit." Yeah it's hard, and yeah it hurts your pride, but you will always benefit from learning what you need to improve upon.
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Aug 9, 2013 03:43
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Benny the Snake posted:My blog writing is a little more slapdash but it's because I like getting my stuff out there on the same day. So I'll write, let it sit for about a few hours, read it over, and then post. That's for reviews and afterthought pieces. For bigger articles, I'll read through it twice. For my academic projects, I was much, much more considerate about grammar and spelling. I gave y'all those links on the last page to my CD threads to show better examples of my writing. If you'd like my best I guess I could post one of my academic projects but I dunno. I have the worst habit of throwing out stuff so I don't have very many earlier examples. If you read over and revised those pieces before posting I do not think you can cut it as an editor or writer right now. I apologize again for being harsh but if someone at the company I work for sent those to me to revise I would just rewrite it from scratch for them. It would be easier then making corrections. In your blog posts there were eyesores in about every other sentence that made me wince. Any competent editor would have caught those even on one quick read. Benny the Snake posted:My blog writing really is only for me. Right now I'm focusing on office work so that I can have a day job and better focus on my writing as a potential bestseller. Until then, I'm sending out resumes and cover letters daily and calling up the places I applied to follow up. I think you are being optimistic here. Your free time will drop when you get a job. If you cannot find time to write now I do not think it will appear when you are working 40 hours a week. Writers who make enough money to live on writing stories are usually the kind of people that write almost compulsively. I only know one guy personally who has done it and he writes ten hours a day six days a week and when his wife drags him out to be social it is often obvious that he would rather be writing. Back before he started making enough to live on he was writing about seven hours a day five days a week while working a full-time job. I am not knocking the lifestyle. He loves it. He loved it before he made any money. A lot of people want to be a writer so they can talk about their work with their friends at the bar or a coffee shop or have people think they are great artists; far fewer want to sit at a desk and write, revise, and proofread sixty hours a week. If you want to write though now is the easiest time in history to try. You can put a book for sale online very easily. You are unlikely to get rich but it does make a good hobby. I am planning to try to sell a few things I am working on eventually just because I can. You generally do not have to be as good a writer to write erotica if you want to go that route. We used to have a megathread about it and people were making decent money. I would have jumped on that bandwagon but I really do not like porn so I think I would suck at writing it. Benny the Snake posted:Xenocides, let me know if you're interested and I'll send you one of my more recent academic papers for you to look over and see if I'm a good writer. If you want you can PM me and I will send you my email address. It's up to you though. You could also post it here. Sorry if I come across as harsh. As a teenager and in college I was convinced I was going to be an amazing novelist. I did not have the ability to pull it off. I tried but could not maintain the writing schedule I would need to in order to pull it off. So when I say I do not think you can do it I am not trying to put you down. I crafted a career where I get to write what is to me fun stuff and mix in other skills I picked up along the way and enjoy and pull in about 70k a year which is more then I likely would have made writing novels. I am not saying do not write. If writing brings you pleasure you should write. I have hobbies that I am not particularly good at but I find pleasure in doing them so I do them anyways. I still write stories and articles on the side and have even sold a few. Just don't expect that you are going to write the great American novel as soon as you get a job shuffling papers. I hope I am helping and not hurting. Hopefully your meds will help as well once they kick in after a few weeks.
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Aug 9, 2013 03:45
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This is from a few pages back, but one thing I keep noticing is the questions you say you ask on interviews. You say you ask about things like the hours and health insurance. Those aren't necessarily bad questions, but when people say to ask questions about the position, it means you should ask about the actual responsibilities of the position. Questions that show you are interested in the company and that you want to make sure the actual position is right for you. Not that the time commitment or benefits of the position are right for you.
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Aug 9, 2013 03:53
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