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Okay okay, cover letter it is. Here's my cover letter to Chino PD (personal info omitted) quote:To whom it may concern,
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Aug 12, 2013 02:27
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I'd avoid "to whom it may concern"; it sounds impersonal and strange. Maybe try "Dear Sir or Madam" or Dear "Hiring Manager".
MEMRI fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 02:55
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Benny the Snake posted:My aspiration is to one day become a crime novelist; particularly in the subgenre of detective fiction. Don't mention anything that does not immediately relate to the position. Nobody cares what your dreams are. Also you probably offended everyone by mentioning "Cops."
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Aug 12, 2013 02:55
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That last paragraph needs to be gone, like, entirely gone. Yikes. The first two were certainly on the right track.
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Aug 12, 2013 02:56
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Whoah yeah I should have read the rest of the cover letter before I posted any criticism about the salutation. Before you touch anything else, you need to work on that last paragraph pretty severely.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:01
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There is no reason to announce your novel plans or your love of "Cops". Why would you ever mention that? That's like saying that "Doogie Houser, MD" inspired you to become a doctor.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:03
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Your "knowledge in typing" is second to anyone that can type 67 words per minute, hth e: seriously this is like an Onion guide to writing a cover letter snortpocket fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 03:05
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Yeah the anecdote was a dumb idea in retrospect. Is a third paragraph unnecessary? EDIT: Cover letter wasn't required but I figured tho throw it in anyway to look good on top of my resume which was also not required. What was was my typing certification and an application. In hindsight, I might've done more harm than good with the cover letter. Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 03:11
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Hello police department I would like to file reports for you. My qualifications include being related to people already employed by you and a high regard for 90s-era reality TV police shows that often border on abuse of power. I am also prescribed anti-psychotics which I currently cannot afford and am not taking. On a personal note I enjoy erotic anime comics and writing lovely reviews of movies. I will likely kill one or both of my parents one day in a fit of rage. I can also type 66 words per minute. Errata.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:12
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Benny the Snake posted:Cover letter wasn't required
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Aug 12, 2013 03:26
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Benny the Snake posted:Yeah the anecdote was a dumb idea in retrospect. Is a third paragraph unnecessary? No, a cover letter is always required, regardless of whether it is actually stated. It was good to prepare a cover letter. Your first two paragraphs are ok, though I would suggest amending the statements about your typing certification. You make it sound like you got a degree in typing or something. The last paragraph, though, is just awful. Why would you think they care that you used to watch Cops? When you've applied for other office work, please tell me that you haven't cited your love for NBC's Thursday night sitcom lineup? Also, as has been pointed out, your typing skills are average, far from "second to none," and your education is also average, second to anyone who has a master's degree or graduated with a higher GPA than you. I would avoid statements like "second to none" in general when seeking an entry level position; it just makes you sound full of yourself. Your first two paragraphs are good, though. Also, I'll just note, just like everything else you've posted here: as soon as everyone criticized it, your immediate response was "it wasn't important, it's just something I threw together."
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Aug 12, 2013 03:28
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Honestly, mentioning that you have family connections in your cover letter might not be a really great idea, either. Most states have laws against family members working in the same departments, especially if one family member has seniority over the other or is in a direct supervisor position. This has struck me as very strange since the moment you began mentioning your uncle (or whoever, insert family and job here) was going to 'get you a foot in the door' for like 10 different jobs. Sure, a yard contracting service isn't going to be a big deal, but in a police department it's going to be a completely different ballpark. Furthermore, and this isn't a critique on you Benny, why the heck does a PD need a typist anyway? Do none of their officers know how to type up their own reports or what? Seems a little strange to me. Are you sure your uncle wasn't just leading you on to make you feel better?
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Aug 12, 2013 03:29
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That drat Satyr posted:why the heck does a PD need a typist anyway? Do none of their officers know how to type up their own reports or what? Seems a little strange to me. I have never heard of a police department that didn't have at least one clerical worker on staff, barring those tiny rural towns that only have one or two full-time cops. It's totally standard and I'm a little surprised you find it suspect.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:37
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I actually asked my uncle who's married to my aunt (He's the retired fire captain, natch). The Captain told me that it's only if my aunt was in a position of authority then it'd be a conflict of interest. But since she's a dispatcher, I should be fine. The Captain should know since he's interview for and to.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:46
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SearchForDelicious posted:I don't think Benny is actually incapable of holding down a job like some people are suggesting, he's just not really motivated to do so. He's never actually been in a position where there wasn't going to be that safety net of his parents' roof and food waiting for him at the end of the shift. Grocery store jobs are really stressful, thankless and lovely, I wouldn't care enough to do it properly either when at the end of the day my living situation isn't really going to be much different whether I hold the job or not! It's intense, physically demanding and emotionally taxing work in comparison to working in an office. The difference is jobs like that usually require a level of responsibility and commitment Benny probably can't muster up, but he'd be in a comparatively humanizing environment, which for someone with mental health issues makes a huge difference. I've worked at a grocery store before and no part of the job is especially physically demanding besides being one of the guys that breaks down received pallets of merchandise. No part of the job is actually ever intense, unless it's a situation like "there were two callouts yesterday, a baby puked on aisle 4, the meat refrigerator died, and the vice president of the company is 15 minutes away down the road". Outside of something like that, which never actually happens, you're just opening up boxes and putting things on a shelf, or swiping things over a laser and smiling at people. I guess maybe it's emotionally taxing to remember to put cold items together in bags and that you should double bag milk.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:48
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Benny the Snake posted:I actually asked my uncle who's married to my aunt (He's the retired fire captain, natch). The Captain told me that it's only if my aunt was in a position of authority then it'd be a conflict of interest. But since she's a dispatcher, I should be fine. The Captain should know since he's interview for and to. Ah, well, if he's interview for and to, that says it all.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:49
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quote:To whom it may concern, quote:My name is Benny the Snake and I am applying for the position of Clerk Typist I. As a recent college graduate with administrative assistant experience and typing certification, I am confident that I am a strong candidate for the position. Good so far. quote:I have recently graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a Bachelor's in English Literature; as such, I have extensive experience and knowledge of technical and business writing. I am a certified typist through Agape Employment: 66 words per minute at a 98% accuracy rate. My administrative experience was with the (insert politician here) for State Senate Campaign. I served in a fellowship position where my duties included data entry, voter outreach, and intern leadership. Not too bad so far. Maybe here you can talk a little more about some of the things you accomplished while you were with the campaign. Did you have any projects that you completed? You list some of the experiences you have, but it might not be a bad idea to go a little more into what you did with those experiences and skills. quote:Since I was a child, I have always had a profound fascination and respect for the police. My uncle Bob is a veteran with the Montclair Police Department; my aunt is a dispatcher with your department; and as a kid Saturdays were spent watching “Cops”. My aspiration is to one day become a crime novelist; particularly in the subgenre of detective fiction. ...I mean, I see what you're trying to do here. You want to show that you have personal interest in the work beyond the fact that it's going to give you a paycheck. But it really comes out all wrong. You namedrop your relatives who work there, which is poor form. Then you talk about watching a show that a lot of police officers probably regard with the same skepticism/weariness that doctors do with Grays Anatomy (granted Cops is a reality TV show, but it's still TV). Finally, the part about wanting to be something different from what they're hiring you for (even though I think you mean it to both serve as a way to show your interest in the field AND to show that you have higher goals for yourself) is sort of not a good idea. I'm not going to yell at you like everyone else over this because you've gotten enough flak...it was a good idea that you posted this. Replace this paragraph with more about some of the stuff I mentioned earlier. How have you used your previous administrative experience or writing experience to finish a project/solve a problem/accomplish a goal/etc. You can usually throw in a 'I'm a good team player' sort of line too, and give specific examples of working with someone. quote:My administrative experience may be limited, but my education and knowledge in typing is second to none. I am highly confident that I will be a good fit with the police department in my role as a typist. So I hate to say it, but you gotta tone down the 'education and knowledge in typing is second to none.' Like another poster said, it's really not. Your typing skills are alright (right around average for a professional) and having a college diploma is a good thing, but nothing that you've presented in the previous parts of your letter demonstrates that you're 'second to none.' If you have examples though, please include them! The part about you being highly confident is good. It's good to be confident. I think you can salvage this Benny! So cheer up.
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Aug 12, 2013 03:59
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lexan posted:Ah, well, if he's interview for and to, that says it all. It's another "fill in the blanks" game!! Snake the Erratician posted:The Captain should know since he's interviewing for monkeys and hamsters to one day go to the moon.
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Aug 12, 2013 04:05
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Benny, your cover letter shows a hideous misuse of semicolons. So let me enlighten you for a moment. Semi-colons are used between two independent clauses that are closely related. Everything before the semi-colon needs to be a complete sentence, and so does everything after. Using a semi-colon before a sentence fragment is just going to make other English majors weep.
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Aug 12, 2013 04:31
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Too many semicolons, not enough commas.
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Aug 12, 2013 04:53
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Don't say 'my administrative experience may be limited.' Your cover letter is your opportunity to sell yourself, so don't say anything negative, even to contrast it with a positive (especially since the positive you contrast it with is obviously untrue, as has been pointed out). Also, spacing is right. Don't use semicolons and don't use any other fancy punctuation-you clearly don't understand how they work and your reader may.superv0zz posted:Too many semicolons, not enough commas. This construction is also wrong. A sentence needs a subject. 'There are too many semicolons, and not enough commas in this letter' would be better. Babylon the Bright fucked around with this message at 07:46 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 04:55
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Benny the Snake posted:The Captain should know since he's interview for and to. What does this even mean? Also: My uncle Bob is a veteran with the Montclair Police Department; my aunt is a dispatcher with your department; and as a kid Saturdays were spent watching “Cops”. I don't think I've ever seen two semicolons in one sentence, amazing. superv0zz fucked around with this message at 05:00 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 04:58
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Benny is an amateur when it comes to semicolons.
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Aug 12, 2013 05:22
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Benny, are you taking all of your meds? Finding a way to afford them and get them in your face hole should be priority number one. https://www.abilifyassistprogram.com/ I don't remember the others, but google is your friend.
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Aug 12, 2013 05:42
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natetimm posted:I enjoy erotic anime comics Wait, what? Does he really, or did you add this yourself?
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Aug 12, 2013 06:17
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I'd say it's a smart-money guess.
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Aug 12, 2013 07:42
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Top Bunk Wanker posted:I've worked at a grocery store before and no part of the job is especially physically demanding besides being one of the guys that breaks down received pallets of merchandise. No part of the job is actually ever intense, unless it's a situation like "there were two callouts yesterday, a baby puked on aisle 4, the meat refrigerator died, and the vice president of the company is 15 minutes away down the road". Outside of something like that, which never actually happens, you're just opening up boxes and putting things on a shelf, or swiping things over a laser and smiling at people. I guess maybe it's emotionally taxing to remember to put cold items together in bags and that you should double bag milk. I worked at a smaller, independent grocery store for about 6 months which was more relaxed and easy like you described, but big box places like Target are a whole other story in terms of the amount of poo poo you have to deal with. The situation you describe in the quotes, while it's not like those specific things are happening all the time, poo poo like that that needs constant attention is constantly flying at you. I should have prephased by saying "from experience, when you are in an emotional/mentally fragile state, retail work is scary and intense". The constant stream of stressed out customers when your working at or near the till is loving terrifying if you're getting flustered and making mistakes, which I feel pretty safe in calling would be a frequent thing for Benny. SearchForDelicious fucked around with this message at 12:59 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 12:56
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SearchForDelicious posted:I worked at a smaller, organic grocery store for about 6 months which was more relaxed and easy like you described, but big box places like Target are a whole other story in terms of the amount of poo poo you have to deal with. The situation you describe in the quotes, while it's not like those specific things are happening all the time, poo poo like that that needs constant attention is constantly flying at you. I should have prephased by saying "from experience, when you are in an emotional/mentally fragile state, retail work is scary and intense". The constant stream of stressed out customers when your working at or near the till is loving terrifying if you're getting flustered and making mistakes, which I feel pretty safe in calling would be a frequent thing for Benny. And even if you're not that stressed that the vice president of the company is coming (because you hate your job and couldn't care less), you can guarantee that your managers are all going to be crazy stressed out and demanding ridiculous things like anticipating demands they haven't made yet, or expecting perfection or whatever. I worked retail for two years and never once got stressed out by a customer, no matter how demanding (I've got the 'deflect them by being perfectly polite at all times' thing down), but I was sure as hell stressed out by my managers stressing out more than once. One in particular would vacillate between 'omg you are amazing at your job can you teach everyone else how you did that' and 'you cannot be trusted to accomplish the simplest human task'. I got so angry at her sometimes...
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Aug 12, 2013 13:02
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Yea man, those grocery store jobs, they're rough, you'd have to be a real exceptional person to handle all of that. http://www.ehow.com/list_6181028_jobs-mentally-disabled.html Ehow posted:Grocery/Retail Positions
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Aug 12, 2013 13:23
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Dr. Lariat posted:Yea man, those grocery store jobs, they're rough, you'd have to be a real exceptional person to handle all of that. Yep, and those people sure have an easy time doing that lovely job they have no alternatives to! edit: Yeah, in a crunch situation it's doable, and there's worse jobs out there. But this default "man how could you gently caress up a grocery store job, it's the easiest work there is!" attitude being thrown around is wrong. SearchForDelicious fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 13:45
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Safe and Secure! posted:Wait, what? Does he really, or did you add this yourself? I added it myself but I wouldn't be shocked to find out it's true. Something about the content of his reading and viewing habits drives his bible-thumping parents nuts. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess it's giant anime tits on catgirls or something similar. I'm sure he just reads them for the storytelling, though.
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Aug 12, 2013 13:48
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SearchForDelicious posted:Yep, and those people sure have an easy time doing that lovely job they have no alternatives to! If a grocery store is an impossible task only navigated by the best and the brightest we as humanity have to offer, mind sharing your idea of an easy job? After a few summers of construction a nice grocery store gig with the AC and roof and all sounds pretty cushy. It's all a matter of perspective I suppose, but I don't recall ever having a job that made a grocery store look hard.
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Aug 12, 2013 13:55
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Dr. Lariat posted:If a grocery store is an impossible task only navigated by the best and the brightest we as humanity have to offer, mind sharing your idea of an easy job? After a few summers of construction a nice grocery store gig with the AC and roof and all sounds pretty cushy. It's all a matter of perspective I suppose, but I don't recall ever having a job that made a grocery store look hard. For me it was the constantly stressed customers, and having to multi-task on the fly that made it difficult. You're trained to do job a, b and c but jumping between the three constantly and efficiently is super hard for a lot of people. Construction jobs I have worked, your basically left to do one task most of the time, the variables aren't constantly switching. I'm working a cushy, higher paying job now that requires no customer service or physical labor. It requires more commitment and responsibility, but I find it easier both mental and physically than my time working at a big box grocery store. Actually the construction and warehouse jobs I worked were the ones I found easiest of all, physically demanding but stress-wise it was a breeze. Anyways sorry for the derail, what I was trying to get at is I understand why holding down these unskilled retail jobs are tough Benny and I don't judge you for having trouble keeping up the momentum. Keep writing, try to focus the feelings your having right now into it and you might surprise yourself. Keep going to therapy, too, that should be a higher priority than the pills. SearchForDelicious fucked around with this message at 14:22 on Aug 12, 2013 |
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Aug 12, 2013 14:05
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Benny. Don't namedrop your relatives in a cover letter. It's so loving awful I don't know how you didn't cringe when you wrote it. Don't talk about which TV shows you like in a cover letter. Your typing skills are just a foundation - they're kind of necessary for that type of job. 'My knowledge in typing is second to none.'? What the gently caress is this?? It's just freaking typing. Mention the stats that would be pertinent to the position and move on. There's just something off about the way you come across, even when you're posting on an internet forum. God knows what it's like talking to you face to face.
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Aug 12, 2013 14:12
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Some of you confuse 'easy' with 'simple'. Jobs can be very simple, but not easy and vice versa. Grocery work is very simple, but under lovely work conditions it can become emotionally and physically very draining making it hard work.
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Aug 12, 2013 14:24
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natetimm posted:I added it myself but I wouldn't be shocked to find out it's true. Something about the content of his reading and viewing habits drives his bible-thumping parents nuts. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess it's giant anime tits on catgirls or something similar. I'm sure he just reads them for the storytelling, though. Benny is a weird enough guy without you projecting.
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Aug 12, 2013 14:34
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Bardeh posted:Benny. I bet it's real spooky! Definitely not for the faint of heart. Best not leave your basement to find out. As for the 'are-retail-jobs-tard-jobs' derail, I find that classless and entirely uninformed. Back in the day I took up a cart attendant position (fist bump Benny) at a SUPER Target with a massive parking lot. What really made it insufferable was the variety of tasks expected of me in addition to collecting hundreds of carts (without a cart machine, mind you) in the wet summer heat. Restock the sodas by register, organize giant buckets of plastic coat hangers, helping load large items into guests' cars, etc. It's alot of pressure bc alot of these big retailers will squeeze everything they can out of you and expect unrealistic things for a bad wage.
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Aug 12, 2013 14:42
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So in any case; no I don't enjoy erotic anime comics. And I was attempting parallelism in that one line with the semi-colons because I swear that's how you do it.
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Aug 12, 2013 15:40
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BrainParasite posted:Benny is a weird enough guy without you projecting. Leave my anime tit catgirls out of this.
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Aug 12, 2013 15:47
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gently caress da Mods posted:I bet it's real spooky! Definitely not for the faint of heart. Best not leave your basement to find out.  I doubt it's very spooky. Just quite uncomfortable and off-putting to prospective employers.
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Aug 12, 2013 15:50
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