Danyull posted:

A few days ago I got stopped on my bike by a cop for being on a closed trail at night so I just did what he told me and thanked me for being cooperative and left.

Also I guess I like, sang Bohemian Rhapsody whenever he turned his lights on or something and maybe he joined in, we may be getting married soon.


How dare you take my handicap spot, heathen! I curse you to hell!

e: Also I'm pretty sure if you haven't been able to leave the house for a month you wouldn't look so good.

Minarch posted:

"Had they/you ____, I would have gladly ___" is another phrase that seems to pop if with some regularity. "Had you told me your account number, I would have gladly told you your balance." "Had you not called me a troglodydic thundercunt, I would have gladly given you a refill."

moerketid posted:

I know it does happen where people get pissy remarks made at them for not having visible enough illnesses and parking in handicap spots (and it does seem it's happened to a few people that they've had a note on the windscreen telling them they are selfish) but this kind of long drawn out artificial dialogue is just too false to have ever happened. It's like someone wanted to call attention to the issue. Or someone said to her "You shouldn't be parking there!" and she came up with this whole script in her mind afterwards for Tumblrites to froth at.

Danyull posted:

How dare you take my handicap spot, heathen! I curse you to hell!

Drunk Nerds posted:

This has been making the rounds from my Christian friends and my STDH sleuth friends:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/twenty-weeks-pregnant-with-twins-but-last-week-she-had-an-abortion.html
The original blog is down for "maintenance"


Reasons why it reeks of STDH

- Inconsistencies: At one point she claims the pregnant girl is 20 weeks, but late comments as if she is 6 months. 20 weeks doesn't equal six months
- Zero corroborating evidence. Some friend of hers named "John" got all the facts but then gave them all to her, saying nothing himself
- What clinic would abort 2 healthy six month twins?
- She seems to imply that it is normal for aborted babies to be induced into a toilet. As far as I've learned, they but a special thing in the toilet to catch the fetus during induction, but that's as close as it gets.

moerketid posted:

It always irritates me that it has to be a "cute petite girl" in stories like this. Not a "plump homely girl" or "tall lanky girl" or any other possible combination of dozens of basic bodytypes or descriptors. It implies that stdh authors are assholes who would only help or give a poo poo about something happening to a cute petite girl, and also that cute petite girls are obviously delicate little flowers with no will of their own, whose lips tremble if you look at them and say boo, and who always need a man to save them. Variant: the asskicking martial arts cute petite girl invented by the "watches too many animes" stdh author - specifically created because she's meant to be the previous type of cute petite girl, so it's a total shock twist. It's nauseating on so many levels.

quote:

Being a waiter is a largely thankless job—anyone who has stepped foot onto a restaurant floor can attest to that. But one server figured out a way to make the humdrum day pass more smoothly: at his Olive Garden job he decided to experiment by using Doctor Who quotes when he spoke to his tables instead of the usual service industry jargon. The results are not only guffaw-worthy, but also surprisingly touching in places.

A lot of the quotes he used were lifted directly from the episode “Closing Time,” which seems logical considering the Doctor’s customer service job at the department store during that particular adventure. In addition, it does contain some great quotes to use on kids due to Alfie “Stormageddon”’s presence.

When introducing himself as the Doctor and pointing out how helpful his name badge was (so he wouldn't forget who he was), he reported that many of the tables laughed, regardless of whether or not they knew what he was quoting from. The next few quotes also went over stupendously well:

[When speaking to a baby playfully aka fishing for tips] “Oh hello! I speak baby, you know.” [baby does baby thing] “No, he’s your dad you can’t just call him ‘not mum’”

I’m met with a roar of laughter from the table, and the neighboring table, an extra 10 dollars added to my tip.

[Offering desserts (to the kids)] “You could have a slice of Triple Chocolate Strada for only $6.99 which I personally think is a bit steep. But then again, it’s your parent’s cash and they’ll only waste it on boring stuff like lamps and vegetables. Yawn!”

I actually sold every table the dessert I offered when I offered it this way. Few got the reference, the ones who understood “Hi I’m The Doctor” were completely losing their poo poo at this point in the meal, as I’d been dropping references all dinner.

There was one nay-sayer in the whole evening, an elderly woman who actually threatened to slap the poor guy for being strange. He gamely came back with another choice quote and got her entire family laughing, so no points to Ms. Grumpyface that day.

But the best part of this story comes in the form of one girl who was clearly a Doctor Who fan, and spent the entire evening smitten with her mysterious waiter. She later gave him her number, and left the restaurant by way of her own tear-inducing quote: “I don’t want to go.”

Guys—guys. This is potentially the best “How I met your mother” story ever. We can only hope he has already called her. This ship, as we say, sails itself. Of course, eventually Doctor-waiter’s manager caught on to some weirdness going down—

...I had to explain to my manager what I was doing. He laughed for a solid minute. Then told like half the staff. Needless to say, I am now quite the oddity at the restaurant. BUT I MADE A HELL OF A LOT OF MONEY.

There you have it—proof that Doctor Who will get you tips. In fact, it’s proof that the way the Doctor acts does indeed endear him to people he doesn’t know; most of the people this guy served clearly didn’t get the references and they were still enamored.

So the only real lesson to be learned here is that we should all spend our days tackling each humble act like our favorite Time Lord. People will love us for it, and we might end up with more cash on hand.

Kimmalah posted:

The fun part about that is the word "petite" (at least in terms of clothing/body sizes) really just means "woman under 5'5" or so in height." It can be pretty much any size/shape other than the height thing. But these people assume it means she's a tiny perfect little woman.

NAR posted:

GIFT SHOP | EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND, UK
(I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

(A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

(The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

winegums posted:

Soldiers don't walk the streets armed ither, because we don't live under martial law, but I feel that's a minor point.

winegums posted:

To be honest I find the narrative so tedious. It's always a petite, virgin innocent woman being hated on usually by some powerful authority (businessman, rich woman, etc). Then some strapping young man comes to her rescue. It's storytelling written by people who haven't really moved beyond Disney levels of depth.


I think of all the things that didn't happen, the last bit bothers me most. What is it supposed to be suggesting - that soldiers in the UK routinely kill tourists who don't show appropriate deference to the British military or royalty?

Soldiers don't walk the streets armed either, because we don't live under martial law, but I feel that's a minor point.

DrHerpington posted:

Kimmalah posted:

The fun part about that is the word "petite" (at least in terms of clothing/body sizes) really just means "woman under 5'5" or so in height." It can be pretty much any size/shape other than the height thing. But these people assume it means she's a tiny perfect little woman.

lemonsaresour posted:

This popped up on my Facebook feed.

More Doctor Who stdh.txt

Democratic Pirate posted:

Doctor Who might be a good show, I wouldn't know as I watched all of 5 minutes of an episode before getting bored and leaving the room, but gently caress Dr. Who anyway. I just can't stand reading anything a Dr. Who fan types on the internet, real or fake.

Not Jon Stewart posted:

It's intended to be an adventure show for children. I have no idea why so many adults claim to enjoy it on some personally meaningful and profound level, it just seems silly.

moerketid posted:

Dude, three words. My Little Pony.

Not Jon Stewart posted:

It's intended to be an adventure show for children. I have no idea why so many adults claim to enjoy it on some personally meaningful and profound level, it just seems silly.

jodai posted:

Is it really? I always assumed it was like Star Trek or some other prime time show that was targeted towards adults but wasn't too offensive for kids. I think most of the people that I know that like it are well into their 30s or later.

Not Always Right posted:

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

(The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

(The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

(My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

(The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

(The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

(My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

Bertrand Hustle posted:

"Whovian" (I loving hate that word, it's like nobody can be a fan of anything without a catchy loving word and a rabid fandom attached)

jodai posted:

Is it really? I always assumed it was like Star Trek or some other prime time show that was targeted towards adults but wasn't too offensive for kids. I think most of the people that I know that like it are well into their 30s or later.

Silly Hippie posted:

"There are websites that accumulate all the pictures you send from your phone of your kids and grandkids and they use your GPS to figure out where you are. They can even figure out which bedroom in your house is your kid's. I saw it on the news."

Serperoth posted:

I had written (and closed the tab on) a long-ish post about this sort of thing, and I'm 100% in agreement when it comes to hating catchy "fandom" words (including the word fandom, which I also dislike).

quote:

(I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

Both Girls: “Yeah!”

Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

(As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

(My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

Me: “Yeah.”

(My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”

Djeser posted:

What's great about those words is that it lets you say 'I'm not a Whovian, I'm just a fan of Doctor Who.' It's a good way of putting distance between people who like a show that's a show that's fun and people who want to make every facet of their lives a reference to that show.

Djeser posted:

I had to say that to myself because I wasn't sure I understood it and I'm still not sure.

WickedHate posted:

Why would anyone believe this? What audience is this for?

Serperoth posted:

That's pretty much what I try to do when referring to my interests. It does make distinguishing between the two easier though. You have Whovians and Who fans, Bronies and people who like My Little Pony, and so on. Because hey, I like a bit of Who, that doesn't mean I spend my life obsessing about it. If I talk with another person who likes it (and understands I've watched like 2 seasons), we can talk about that, as normal people tend to do when they have common interests.

Not Jon Stewart posted:

It's intended to be an adventure show for children. I have no idea why so many adults claim to enjoy it on some personally meaningful and profound level, it just seems silly.

quote:

(I live at home with my parents, as I am a minor. An unknown number keeps on calling me, but I haven’t picked up yet. I tell my dad, and he tells me to give the phone to him the next time the number calls.)

Me: “Dad! The unknown number is calling!”

Dad: “Give it here.”

(My dad puts the phone on speaker.)

Dad: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, I am here with the [candidate] political party to inform you of what great benefits could happen in your community if [candidate] is voted a governor.”

Dad: “Okay.”

Caller: “Are the owner of this phone?”

Dad: “No, this is my daughter’s personal cell.”

Caller: “Okay, can you please put your daughter on the phone.”

Dad: “I can’t.”

Caller: “Is she not home? I can call back.”

Dad: “Yeah, she’s not home.”

Caller: “Well, what time would she be back?”

Dad: “About five years.”

Caller: “Five what?”

Dad: “Years. Y-E-A-R-S. Years.”

Caller: “Um.”

Dad: “Yeah, she’s currently in prison serving her sentence. She committed a felony.”

Caller: “Okay?”

Dad: “Yeah, she came home one night covered in blood. Found out she’d been strangling neighborhood cats. Always thought she was nuts.”

Caller: “Would you like to—”

Dad: “Naw. I don’t vote. You see, I believe that government is a big lie, and that we are actually in the Matrix right now. Unless [candidate] thinks the same, I don’t need to hear your speech.”

Caller: “Okay, sir. Could you maybe spread the word about this campaign?”

Dad: “Do you know where I am right now?”

Caller: “My list says that you reside in this [suburb].”

Dad: “I used to. I now live a nudist colony. The people are okay here. I think they’re just jealous that I have a big d***.”

Caller: *click*

(The caller hangs up, and I never hear from them again. I have never strangled a cat, gone to prison, nor does my dad believe that we are in the Matrix, or live in a nudist colony. I’m surprised the caller stayed on for that long!)

Ratspeaker posted:

Content from Not Always Related:

quote:

I have never strangled a cat, gone to prison, nor does my dad believe that we are in the Matrix, or live in a nudist colony.