post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

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Migishu: Oct 22, 2005; I'll eat your fucking eyeballs if you're not careful; Grimey Drawer

Hey guys I hired TIM B^UCKLEY to do some art for my game which you've generously donated to, yeah!

Watch as support for the game plummets.

I'm sure people will move past this and heal.

# ? Sep 19, 2013 15:24

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# ? May 20, 2024 05:25

hubris.height: Jan 6, 2005; Pork Pro

the patriarchy.jpg

# ? Sep 19, 2013 15:46

Miley Virus: Apr 9, 2010

Migishu posted:

help me get my LoL account unbanned lol what a wanker

hahahaha kid found out how file a chargeback probably and is just blaming he mum

# ? Sep 19, 2013 16:04

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

Migishu posted:

Hey guys I hired TIM B^UCKLEY to do some art for my game which you've generously donated to, yeah!

Watch as support for the game plummets.

I'm sure people will move past this and heal.

but on the plus side, they also have zach weinersmith, who is awesome :allears:

# ? Sep 19, 2013 17:41

Yodzilla: Apr 29, 2005; Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch

yeah his art other than Buckley looks pretty drat decent

# ? Sep 19, 2013 17:58

Meat Beat Agent: Aug 5, 2007; felonious assault with a sproinging boner

seriously he should have led with buckley just to keep expectations low and then revealed the "mystery artist" as everyone else at once

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:05

qntm: Jun 17, 2009

hubris.height posted:

the patriarchy.jpg

these are rad

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:07

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

I will make a film showing myself staring at the camera for thirty minutes. Possibly more.

Hello. My name is Jeremy Bornstein. People tell me that I have very expressive eyes. That is why I want to make a short film showing myself staring at the camera for thirty minutes, and give that film away for free on the internet to anyone who wants to download it.

Remember classified ads? They were in newspapers. The best classified ad was the one that said "SEND $1 FOR INFORMATION." That guy made a lot of money from that ad. I don't even know if he sent out any information--I bet he didn't. But that was before the internet. He probably couldn't get away with that sort of thing now because there are no more newspapers.

I would love for you to be a part of this project. Because if I were the only supporter, and I were to give myself money for it, I wouldn't have any more money than before. And when you give money to yourself it doesn't change the amount of money that you have for buying things. Unless you buy them from yourself, which doesn't make a lot of sense really if you think about it.

I already have a camera I can use, and will film in beautiful natural light so I don't need any lights or anything. And the camera uses digital film, and a battery that I can recharge from the house current. That is why I only need $15,037 to fund this project. The funds will be used for some combination of promotions, props, locations, and reward fulfillment.

Speaking of rewards: I have thought a lot about some great rewards that I can give you for contributing to this project. Actually that's not strictly true. I thought a little about it. But it was very high-quality thinking. Then I listed those rewards. You can see what they are over on the right-hand side of the page and you will probably like at least one of them. Then you will feel real good about contributing to this project.

It would be great if you could tell other people about this campaign. Because I only have a few friends, and they don't like to give me things as much as strangers do. I don't know why. So maybe your friends will be more generous.

Thank you!

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:10

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

lol @ the project but also lol @ his icon

vs his face

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:12

Yodzilla: Apr 29, 2005; Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch

this is a fetish isn't it

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:16

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

Werthog 95 posted:

I will make a film showing myself staring at the camera for thirty minutes. Possibly more.

Hello. My name is Jeremy Bornstein. People tell me that I have very expressive eyes. That is why I want to make a short film showing myself staring at the camera for thirty minutes, and give that film away for free on the internet to anyone who wants to download it.

Remember classified ads? They were in newspapers. The best classified ad was the one that said "SEND $1 FOR INFORMATION." That guy made a lot of money from that ad. I don't even know if he sent out any information--I bet he didn't. But that was before the internet. He probably couldn't get away with that sort of thing now because there are no more newspapers.

I would love for you to be a part of this project. Because if I were the only supporter, and I were to give myself money for it, I wouldn't have any more money than before. And when you give money to yourself it doesn't change the amount of money that you have for buying things. Unless you buy them from yourself, which doesn't make a lot of sense really if you think about it.

I already have a camera I can use, and will film in beautiful natural light so I don't need any lights or anything. And the camera uses digital film, and a battery that I can recharge from the house current. That is why I only need $15,037 to fund this project. The funds will be used for some combination of promotions, props, locations, and reward fulfillment.

Speaking of rewards: I have thought a lot about some great rewards that I can give you for contributing to this project. Actually that's not strictly true. I thought a little about it. But it was very high-quality thinking. Then I listed those rewards. You can see what they are over on the right-hand side of the page and you will probably like at least one of them. Then you will feel real good about contributing to this project.

It would be great if you could tell other people about this campaign. Because I only have a few friends, and they don't like to give me things as much as strangers do. I don't know why. So maybe your friends will be more generous.

Thank you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjmUduvaRx0

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:18

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Werthog 95 posted:

lol @ the project but also lol @ his icon

vs his face

people tell me i have a very egg shaped head

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:27

Dr. Honked: Jan 9, 2011; eat it you slaaaaaaag

very eggspressive :wotwot:

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:33

hubris.height: Jan 6, 2005; Pork Pro

qntm posted:

these are rad

yes they own p hard

but the part where the pirate looks like hes stepping on a woman was made for being posted as 'the patriarchy'

but that art does own

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:44

Proteus4994: Jan 2, 2001; Do not engage. Just tell me to go back to Kiwi Farms where I waste days upon days crying about how I wasted years upon years on SA. Did you know I was personally responsible for SA's rise in popularity in the 00's? It's true! Just come to the Farms and find out how! It's the trash kingdom I deserve.

Migishu posted:

Android powered PC

lol

i think the best part is how the layout looks like a compusa ad circa 1991

# ? Sep 19, 2013 18:56

Vicas: Dec 9, 2009; Sweet tricks, mom.

Al! posted:

people tell me i have a very egg shaped head

it's a condition that affects more of us than we think. i didn't learn of my eggheadedness until i had to shave my head for chemo

(on that day i had 2 tragic conditions)

# ? Sep 19, 2013 19:12

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

hubris.height posted:

the patriarchy.jpg

i dont generally play video games but:

Yodzilla posted:

I want to play a webcomic game with art by Jess Fink, Trudy Cooper and Erika Moen.

i kind of agree w/ this statement

# ? Sep 19, 2013 19:38

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

me too

# ? Sep 19, 2013 20:21

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

hey guys i'm going to cash in on this zombie fad and kickstart my own zombie project. which of these ideas sounds the best?

Zombie Con
(a zombie comedy or ZomCom)

Staring George A. Romero, Sam Rami, and Bruce Campell as themselves. While attending a SciFi/Fantasy convention, they must use their expertise in zombies to defend against a zombie apocalypse.

Kind of like Galaxy Quest but with zombies. Lots of moment for Romero et al to bicker over various zombie tropes. They all feel vindicated when zombies do in fact move slowly.

Fear and Loathing and Zombies
(a ZomCom)

Gonzo style memoir about the zombie apocalypse.
We can't stop here, this is zombie country!

Final FantaZ
(video game)

A Left for Dead style video game featuring the characters of the beloved Final Fantasy video game series.

Peace and Love and Zombies
(a ZomCom)

A zombie outbreak occurs during the 1969 Woodstock Music Festival. Jimi Hendrix obviously takes the lead in fighting them off.

100 years of Zombitude
(a novel)

One Hundred Years of Zombitude tells the story of the rise and fall, birth (and death) of the mythical town of Macondo through the history of the Buend�a family (who founded the town after the zombie apocalypse). Inventive, amusing, magnetic, sad, and alive with unforgettable men and women -- brimming with truth, compassion, and a lyrical magic that strikes the soul -- this novel is a masterpiece in the art of fiction.

# ? Sep 19, 2013 20:48

Proteus4994: Jan 2, 2001; Do not engage. Just tell me to go back to Kiwi Farms where I waste days upon days crying about how I wasted years upon years on SA. Did you know I was personally responsible for SA's rise in popularity in the 00's? It's true! Just come to the Farms and find out how! It's the trash kingdom I deserve.

USSMICHELLEBACHMAN posted:

hey guys i'm going to cash in on this zombie fad and kickstart my own zombie project. which of these ideas sounds the best?

Zombie Con
(a zombie comedy or ZomCom)

Staring George A. Romero, Sam Rami, and Bruce Campell as themselves. While attending a SciFi/Fantasy convention, they must use their expertise in zombies to defend against a zombie apocalypse.

Kind of like Galaxy Quest but with zombies. Lots of moment for Romero et al to bicker over various zombie tropes. They all feel vindicated when zombies do in fact move slowly.

Fear and Loathing and Zombies
(a ZomCom)

Gonzo style memoir about the zombie apocalypse.
We can't stop here, this is zombie country!

Final FantaZ
(video game)

A Left for Dead style video game featuring the characters of the beloved Final Fantasy video game series.

Peace and Love and Zombies
(a ZomCom)

A zombie outbreak occurs during the 1969 Woodstock Music Festival. Jimi Hendrix obviously takes the lead in fighting them off.

100 years of Zombitude
(a novel)

One Hundred Years of Zombitude tells the story of the rise and fall, birth (and death) of the mythical town of Macondo through the history of the Buend�a family (who founded the town after the zombie apocalypse). Inventive, amusing, magnetic, sad, and alive with unforgettable men and women -- brimming with truth, compassion, and a lyrical magic that strikes the soul -- this novel is a masterpiece in the art of fiction.

i'm guessing these are all actual kickstarter projects aren't they?

# ? Sep 19, 2013 22:02

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

zombies but with bitcoin but with zombies

# ? Sep 19, 2013 22:27

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

fiat currency is a metaphor for zombies

# ? Sep 19, 2013 22:31

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

prefect posted:

but on the plus side, they also have zach weinersmith, who is awesome

apparently teh wife and i know the weinersmiths from grad school and i didn't even realize it. mrs. weinersmith was her labmate or something

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:11

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

Trig Discipline posted:

apparently teh wife and i know the weinersmiths from grad school and i didn't even realize it. mrs. weinersmith was her labmate or something

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:18

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

Trig Discipline posted:

apparently teh wife and i know the weinersmiths from grad school and i didn't even realize it. mrs. weinersmith was her labmate or something

heh

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:20

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

wieners

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:21

TOOT BOOT: May 25, 2010

your wife is quite familiar with weiners

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:32

Proteus4994: Jan 2, 2001; Do not engage. Just tell me to go back to Kiwi Farms where I waste days upon days crying about how I wasted years upon years on SA. Did you know I was personally responsible for SA's rise in popularity in the 00's? It's true! Just come to the Farms and find out how! It's the trash kingdom I deserve.

Trig Discipline posted:

apparently teh wife and i know the weinersmiths from grad school and i didn't even realize it

i heard your wife was quite the weinersmith herself in grad school

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:33

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

well we do practice a lot

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:33

JawnV6: Jul 4, 2004; So hot ...

[img-dongsmith-av.gif]

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:43

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/lukeahearn/bezoar-the-barbarian?ref=category

Follow Bezoar the ultra-violent and his pal the thief-slut Dark Slice as they murder and steal together just like real adventurers!

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:50

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

fritz posted:

thief-slut Dark Slice

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:53

ANIME MONSTROSITY: Jun 1, 2012; by XyloJW

fritz posted:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/lukeahearn/bezoar-the-barbarian?ref=category

Follow Bezoar the ultra-violent and his pal the thief-slut Dark Slice as they murder and steal together just like real adventurers!

not a poser thing at all

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:54

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

# ? Sep 19, 2013 23:55

Dr. Honked: Jan 9, 2011; eat it you slaaaaaaag

gadzooks

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:08

funeral home DJ: Apr 21, 2003; Pillbug

PEWDIEPIE posted:

not a poser thing at all

i thought poser was defunded and dead like 5 years ago

how the gently caress are people still using it

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:19

ANIME MONSTROSITY: Jun 1, 2012; by XyloJW

Ripoff posted:

i thought poser was defunded and dead like 5 years ago

how the gently caress are people still using it

i couldnt find the gif with the guy seductively winking while "it's free software" appears underneath but imagine i posted that

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:23

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

Ripoff posted:

i thought poser was defunded and dead like 5 years ago

how the gently caress are people still using it

ask wendyvainity

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:24

Dr. Honked: Jan 9, 2011; eat it you slaaaaaaag

there's this thing now

http://www.daz3d.com/products/daz-studio/daz-studio-what-is-daz-studio/

quote:

People of all skill levels and all walks of life use DAZ Studio for a variety of reasons. People with backgrounds as diverse as air-traffic controllers to stay at home moms create amazing art and animation using DAZ Studio.

hmmyeah

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:31

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# ? May 20, 2024 05:25

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

Proteus4994 posted:

i think the best part is how the layout looks like a compusa ad circa 1991

its meant to get dumb nerds to buy it "because it'll be great for grandma"

# ? Sep 20, 2013 00:57

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

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