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Skeesix posted:Uh, that was a true story. I think the guy got kicked off the plane. That one IS a true story. Also, there really IS a sports team in the year of twenty thirteen really called the Redskins.
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Oct 22, 2013 15:38
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Hey, what about the San Francisco Ching-Chongs? http://www.theonion.com/articles/most-offensive-team-names,34170/
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Oct 22, 2013 15:51
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bamhand posted:Hey, what about the San Francisco Ching-Chongs? It really should have been "Detroit Black Guys Bred To Be Superior Ath-a-letes" to get the Jimmy the Greek pronunciation right.
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Oct 22, 2013 15:52
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Tatum Girlparts posted:Hell I'm Jewish and I love the article because it's 100% right. Same. Flashback! 8 Mind-Blowing Photos Of Jessica Alba Before She Was Famous
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Oct 23, 2013 00:50
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I'm surprised this one wasn't posted: History of the Walt Disney Company quote:1936: Company records first successful mergers, purchasing rivals Sunbonnet Animation Studio and Reichsministerium für Volksaufklärung und Propaganda
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Oct 23, 2013 04:33
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Bricks Goddamned Everywhere, Reports Psychotic Study This one was a real eye-opener. I had no idea I was surrounded by this many bricks and I cannot sleep at night. I can never sleep again.
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Oct 23, 2013 04:48
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I read the whole thing. The mental images. You Meet The Most Interesting People Kicking Open Random Bathroom Stalls
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Oct 23, 2013 06:02
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Obama Announces Start Of Annual D.C. Spooktacularquote:“It was really fun when Press Secreterror Jay Carnage led us through that creepy old mansion and told us all about the Executioner branch of government,” said 8-year-old Logan Zaffino, dressed in a Wolverine costume, shortly after emerging from the Fright House. “The spookiest part was going through the Evil Office. I got so scared when Count Obama came out and gave his State of the Boo-nion Address.” Halloween puns 
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Oct 23, 2013 19:39
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The last quote is way more subtle than the Onion's usual last lines, and more than the rest of the article, but it's awesome.
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Oct 23, 2013 20:16
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You guys read any other satire news? I can't really stand the Daily Currant or Borrowitz Report for reasons that are difficult to articulate. Maybe a side by side comparison of similar articles will help: The Daily Currant: Obama Agrees to Repeal Obamacare as Part of Shutdown Deal quote:President Obama has agreed to repeal the Affordable Care Act as part of a deal with Republicans to end the government shutdown and extend the debt ceiling. The Onion: Republicans Give In Right Before Obamacare Would Have Been Repealed quote:After Republican lawmakers reached a last-minute agreement Wednesday night to end the government shutdown and raise the debt ceiling, sources confirmed today that the GOP yielded its fight against Obamacare mere moments before the president was about to cave and repeal the entire law. “Whew! That was a close one,” President Obama told reporters, admitting that literally seconds before he would have put pen to paper on an executive order to fully defund and eliminate the Affordable Care Act, he received a phone call informing him that House Speaker John Boehner had agreed to back down from the shutdown stalemate. “The GOP really had our backs up against the wall on this one, and to be honest I was definitely about to blink first. I sure as hell didn’t want to be the president who oversaw the first default in our country’s history, and I thought the Republicans knew that. If they would have just held out a little longer—I’m talking two, three seconds—they would have gotten everything they wanted. They seriously held all the cards here.” The president said that if House Republicans threaten to use the same tactics with the debt ceiling this February, he’ll probably just repeal Obamacare immediately. I don't know if it's just brand loyalty but I find the Onion's version infinitely funnier. Maybe because it actually reads like a joke rather than just straight Republican wish-fullfillment.
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Oct 23, 2013 20:59
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Saint Sputnik posted:You guys read any other satire news? I can't really stand the Daily Currant or Borrowitz Report for reasons that are difficult to articulate. Maybe a side by side comparison of similar articles will help: The currant is good because it's just obscure enough and plays it straight enough that every once in a while a (relatively) smart person will fall for it and flip the gently caress out. Otherwise I don't think it's all that great.
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Oct 23, 2013 21:10
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Saint Sputnik posted:You guys read any other satire news? I can't really stand the Daily Currant or Borrowitz Report for reasons that are difficult to articulate. Maybe a side by side comparison of similar articles will help: I quite like the Daily Mash which is Britain's closest answer to the Onion. But It's a lot more hit and miss for me. Abandoned Washington DC becomes ape habitat "Daily Mash" posted:
New Browser knows when you are drunk "Daily Mash" posted:
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Oct 23, 2013 21:34
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Play4Real is a satirical gaming news site that I've been reading ever since Majority of Gamers Today Can't Finish Level 1 In Super Mario Bros got picked up by an embarrassing number of real gaming news sites and spawned countless "casuals  " arguments across the internet. It's nowhere near Onion quality and it has that problem where it feels like they came up with a joke headline and then wrote the article as an afterthought, but it can be funny.
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Oct 23, 2013 22:28
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...of SCIENCE! posted:Play4Real is a satirical gaming news site that I've been reading ever since Majority of Gamers Today Can't Finish Level 1 In Super Mario Bros got picked up by an embarrassing number of real gaming news sites and spawned countless "casuals These guys are almost cheating, because apparently gamers are complete loving idiots and can't recognize the fact it's satire. Even if they're not funny, the fact it keeps working is.
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Oct 23, 2013 23:26
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...of SCIENCE! posted:Play4Real is a satirical gaming news site that I've been reading ever since Majority of Gamers Today Can't Finish Level 1 In Super Mario Bros got picked up by an embarrassing number of real gaming news sites and spawned countless "casuals Honestly that site could possibly survive on headlines alone. One thing I know about gamers is the only thing they need is headlines and their imaginations will fill in the rest.
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Oct 24, 2013 00:53
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Police Investigate Reports Of Local Gay Man Being Dragged Behind... "Witnesses indicated that the two suspects appeared to enjoy putting the gay man through this ordeal."
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Oct 24, 2013 01:55
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5-Year-Old Reluctantly Lets Crying Mom Sleep In His Bed Again As usual, the last line kills it.
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Oct 24, 2013 02:13
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MrAristocrates posted:5-Year-Old Reluctantly Lets Crying Mom Sleep In His Bed Again I like this one linked below it.
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Oct 24, 2013 03:00
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Report: ChicagoTheBand.com Most Visited Site On The Internet "You're the Inspiration" is clearly their definitive ballad 
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Oct 24, 2013 03:54
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Ferrosol posted:Abandoned Washington DC becomes ape habitat What an unfortunate phrasing of words.
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Oct 24, 2013 06:59
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NRA Calls For Teachers To Keep Loaded Gun Pointed At Class For Entire School Day
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Oct 24, 2013 23:53
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Old but good: Augusta National Honors Tiger Woods With Own Drinking Fountain
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Oct 25, 2013 03:18
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Scientists Teach Sign Language To Gorilla-Suit-Wearing Man
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Oct 25, 2013 23:25
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I don't know if this is new or not, but I just saw it for the first time: http://www.theonion.com/sponsored/the-goat,50/ I'm not sure whether or not I want to buy shoes.
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Oct 28, 2013 08:15
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Who Said It: Kanye West Or An Instruction Manual For The Cuisinart CRC-400 Electric Rice Cooker?
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Oct 29, 2013 14:04
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I plowed through this thread over the last week and didn't see one of my all-time favorite ONN stories posted, second only to anything featuring Nancy Fichandler, of course. http://www.theonion.com/video/police-slog-through-40000-insipid-party-pics-to-fi,14337/
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Oct 29, 2013 16:55
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Nation’s Pedophiles March On Washington, D.C. Elementary School
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Oct 29, 2013 19:23
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I’m Kind Of OCD About Always Serving White Customers First
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Oct 30, 2013 05:15
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This is incredible.
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Oct 30, 2013 07:25
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63-14 Loss Disgraces Penn State Football Program
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Nov 1, 2013 18:26
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It's... so beautiful. Nabisco Snack Physicists Develop Highly Unstable Quadriscuits 
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Nov 1, 2013 20:24
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Phelddagrif posted:It's... so beautiful. Wow, last line clinches it again.
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Nov 1, 2013 21:31
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27-Year-Old Lies About Every Single Aspect Of His Life To Keep Parents From Worrying Another one with a crushing last line.
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Nov 4, 2013 21:09
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This one as well: Financially Ruined Executive Still Piecing Life Back Together 2 Years After Occupy Movement
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Nov 5, 2013 00:28
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Super Priest Can Turn Anything Into Body, Blood Of Christ
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Nov 5, 2013 17:45
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Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not? One of the rare Onion pieces where the article itself is infinitely funnier than the headline. I like to imagine the article was written by one of her classmates.
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Nov 5, 2013 18:24
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BREAKING: Authorities Currently Racing Down Highway To Arrest You For Crime You Didn’t Commit
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Nov 5, 2013 21:22
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not? My article came with an extra punchline, an ad at the bottom of the article encouraging me to "Enrol now in a Bachelor of Arts degree".
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Nov 5, 2013 22:11
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Paul Hogan Admits He’s Still Searching For That One Career-Defining Role
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Nov 5, 2013 23:03
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Area Woman Encouraged By Sight Of Other Woman Drinking Beer Alone At Airport Bar
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Nov 6, 2013 05:33
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