Craigslist Fools Gold - SCREENSHOT YOUR ADS - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Craigslist Fools Gold - SCREENSHOT YOUR ADS

Don Baylor: Oct 24, 2005

Really thinking about this. Just can't fully justify selling my lovely passport for picking this up. Yet.

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/cto/4148131386.html

# ? Nov 20, 2013 02:57

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 10:06

blk: Dec 19, 2009; .

Boba_Fettish posted:

Really thinking about this. Just can't fully justify selling my lovely passport for picking this up. Yet.

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/cto/4148131386.html

That would be going for 5k where I live. I'm not a Honda guy, but hell, I'd pick it up myself at that price.

I found a nice 50k mile MR2 Spyder w/ leather on CL for 8 grand, price is negotiable because the owner is trying to pay off his second DUI. I'm out of town and can't look at it for two weeks, though, and I don't want to buy it site unseen because its been smoked in (I want to sniff it myself) and I want to check for precat failure (common on pre 2003s, it's a 2001), which I don't really know how to do other than asking him to be patient while I pull the manifold :P He says it doesn't use any oil so it may be OK, even at 12 years old.

Hope nobody buys it before then but I'm guessing he's on a tight schedule with his money situation.

blk fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Nov 20, 2013

# ? Nov 20, 2013 03:12

Samu: Jan 11, 2010; The only thing I hate more than hippie neo-liberal fascists and anarchists are the hypocrite fat cat suits they grow up to become.

Powershift posted:

Oh god, those fins.

http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAdLargeImage?AdId=482967431

I'm half tempted to sell a bunch of stuff and go whole hog in collecting awesome cars, but if i ever lose my yard space, not only would i be hosed, i'd have 3 days of moving broken cars around. As of now, everything but the subaru runs and drives perfectly.

I actually think I'm going to buy these, and just clearcoat the one with the awesome green/rust combo. I have an engine to put in it and everything. I'm going to send the guy a message tomorrow unless you're serious about wanting these.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 04:43

0rganDonor: Jan 19, 2007

I hope this is a joke...

"1985 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royal Brougham 76,000 Miles Original.... Everything Mostly New Under The Hood Alarm System And Beat Second Owner Call For MOre Info: 6789736807...Price Negotiable Also Comes With A Set Of Chrome Dayton's"

# ? Nov 20, 2013 05:44

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

Samu posted:

I actually think I'm going to buy these, and just clearcoat the one with the awesome green/rust combo. I have an engine to put in it and everything. I'm going to send the guy a message tomorrow unless you're serious about wanting these.

If i had a trailer and they were more local i probably would, but it would end up costing as much as the cars to get them back here.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 06:05

Viggen: Sep 10, 2010; by XyloJW

Samu posted:

I actually think I'm going to buy these, and just clearcoat the one with the awesome green/rust combo. I have an engine to put in it and everything. I'm going to send the guy a message tomorrow unless you're serious about wanting these.

Don't forget that Dogmeat is an ally. :v:

# ? Nov 20, 2013 07:12

ComfyPants: Mar 20, 2002

West SAAB Story posted:

Don't forget that Dogmeat is an ally.

Be sure to head over to Gecko and get the fuel cell controller first.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 07:51

Rhyno: Mar 22, 2003; Can't post for 10 years!

Boba_Fettish posted:

Really thinking about this. Just can't fully justify selling my lovely passport for picking this up. Yet.

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/cto/4148131386.html

Tell us more about the japanese restaurant.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 08:05

angryhampster: Oct 21, 2005

Haven't been this tempted by a classic in a while.

http://iowacity.craigslist.org/cto/4201116147.html

# ? Nov 20, 2013 12:56

ComfyPants: Mar 20, 2002

angryhampster posted:

Haven't been this tempted by a classic in a while.

http://iowacity.craigslist.org/cto/4201116147.html

My first car was a '78 4-door. I miss it terribly. It was a slow gutless yacht, but it was great to cruise in and after learning how to drive in that behemoth, everything else that came after it was cake.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 13:06

Sir Tonk: Apr 18, 2006; Young Orc

angryhampster posted:

Haven't been this tempted by a classic in a while.

http://iowacity.craigslist.org/cto/4201116147.html

Price is a little rich, unless everything works and the interior is fine. These cars get terrible mileage and have no power no matter what engine they've got, in addition to not being very valuable with collectors.

I mean, really, it's a four door Cougar. That's just silly.

# ? Nov 20, 2013 17:08

treizebee: Dec 30, 2011; Stage 3 oil injection

Nay, purchase this horseless chariot with heated seats. :allears:

http://detroit.craigslist.org/wyn/cto/4204233070.html

# ? Nov 22, 2013 04:01

blk: Dec 19, 2009; .

Arrg I can't believe I'm missing this because I'm on vacation

http://eugene.craigslist.org/cto/4203717982.html

# ? Nov 22, 2013 06:11

Funzo: Dec 6, 2002

This seems like a really, really bad idea but I'm having trouble resisting.

http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/cto/4155146008.html

This IS a bad idea right? Right?

# ? Nov 23, 2013 00:24

Applebees Appetizer: Jan 23, 2006

That is a horrible idea, not worth the rust repair by a long shot.

# ? Nov 23, 2013 00:30

blk: Dec 19, 2009; .

Time capsule

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/cto/4196535754.html

So clean!

# ? Nov 23, 2013 15:00

driguy: Feb 16, 2009; In The Pit!

blk posted:

Time capsule

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/cto/4196535754.html

So clean!

My preccciooouusssss...

# ? Nov 23, 2013 17:24

crutt: Sep 13, 2003; Hamhock Captain.

holy jesus

http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/4178499705.html

# ? Nov 23, 2013 21:15

DeesGrandpa: Oct 21, 2009

Welp that rules. I have no idea what I'm looking at, just that it needs to be in a newer Death Race style film.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 00:01

randomidiot: May 12, 2006; by Fluffdaddy
(and can't post for 11 years!)

Dr.Caligari posted:

Whats going on here..

http://columbus.craigslist.org/cto/4160019656.html

Guy doesn't even know what year his car is. :downs:

1990 didn't have an Integra badge, it had an Integra sticker in the middle, with a trim level badge where the Integra badge is. That's most likely a 91..

randomidiot fucked around with this message at 00:24 on Nov 24, 2013

# ? Nov 24, 2013 00:22

IOwnCalculus: Apr 2, 2003

blk posted:

Time capsule

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/cto/4196535754.html

So clean!

I was going to post something here about something like this never comes up in Phoenix, but I think this car's twin is here:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/cto/4142613264.html

# ? Nov 24, 2013 02:18

MetalClawWolf: Jun 1, 2002

Oh dear.

https://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/cto/4173411695.html

# ? Nov 24, 2013 03:05

driguy: Feb 16, 2009; In The Pit!

IOwnCalculus posted:

I was going to post something here about something like this never comes up in Phoenix, but I think this car's twin is here:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/cto/4142613264.html

Ahh that sucks. If I only had the money. Maybe if I sold the 2 cars I have now... Hmmmm...

# ? Nov 24, 2013 03:41

IOwnCalculus: Apr 2, 2003

Reading it again I think the omission of any photos showing horizontal surfaces, plus no text describing the paint, means I bet the thing has little to no clearcoat left on the hood / roof / trunk. Pretty common for AZ cars at that age, so that first one posted is probably more of the 'real deal'.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 04:50

Terrible Robot: Jul 2, 2010; FRIED CHICKEN; Slippery Tilde

MetalClawWolf posted:

Oh dear.

https://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/cto/4173411695.html

You know what, Im'a say it: this poo poo owns and I would wheel the gently caress out of it.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 05:12

BlackMK4: Aug 23, 2006; wat.; Megamarm

Terrible Robot posted:

You know what, Im'a say it: this poo poo owns and I would wheel the gently caress out of it.

In Sedona, Az we have a ton of pink jeeps from a certain tour company.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 07:16

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

Terrible Robot posted:

You know what, Im'a say it: this poo poo owns and I would wheel the gently caress out of it.

You could leave the keys in the ignition turned to "on" and I guarantee you that it would never, ever be stolen.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 19:56

Rap Songs From Anime: Aug 15, 2007

http://portland.craigslist.org/clk/cto/4210819987.html

1963 Chevy Van - $750 (Rainier, Oregon)

For Sale (1) 1963 Chevy Van. Originally a 6 Cylinder. We started to Put a Small Block Chevy/ Turbo 400 in it (included). We just never got around to finishing it. We have a 4;11 GM PosiTraction Rear end we can throw in for an extra $200.00. Call 360 430 1797.

Looks like it probably has rotted halfway into the ground...

Wait a minute....

Holy poo poo.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 21:54

You Am I: May 20, 2001; Me @ your poasting

It's worth it just for the Boogie Man

# ? Nov 24, 2013 23:25

Rhyno: Mar 22, 2003; Can't post for 10 years!

Just sneak over and sawzall Boogie Man free.

# ? Nov 24, 2013 23:31

MetalClawWolf: Jun 1, 2002

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/cto/4124465318.html

Im not savvy on Miata prices but it looks good in the pictures.

MetalClawWolf fucked around with this message at 00:54 on Nov 25, 2013

# ? Nov 24, 2013 23:55

Waffle House: Oct 27, 2004; You follow the path
fitting into an infinite pattern.

Yours to manipulate, to destroy and rebuild.

Now, in the quantum moment
before the closure
when all become one.

One moment left.
One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are Destiny.

http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/4155485317.html

Black on white and leopard stripes, on red stripes, on flat black. Mein augen

# ? Nov 24, 2013 23:58

IOwnCalculus: Apr 2, 2003

MetalClawWolf posted:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/cto/4124465318.html

Im not savvy on Miata prices but it looks good in the pictures.

There's got to be something going on with it, that car has been for sale for quite a while (I remember the pictures ages ago with those terrible stenciled numbers on the fender).

This thing looks amazing, though I think my wife might kill me if I even suggested the road trip to get it.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 01:30

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

haha the description in the ad https://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/cto/4189640970.html

# ? Nov 25, 2013 06:19

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

http://annarbor.craigslist.org/cto/4211478859.html

quote:

Hello. Stop everything you are doing. This is the most important Craigslist ad you will read today; indeed, the most important one you will ever read. In fact, when, as an elderly person, you look back upon your life, you will regard the moment you started reading this ad as the most consequential single instant in your entire life. Not only do you owe it to yourself to read this ad, see the car I am selling, buy it from me, and give me an above market price, but you owe it to your country, countries, or status as a stateless person (my condolences), and to the god, gods, or lack of god that you do or do not believe in (happy holidays). Failure to finish reading this ad will lead to the premature death of you and all your loved ones.

No pressure.

I am selling, and you should buy, a 1983 Volvo 240 Sedan. It's baby blue. In order to truly understand the enormity of the moral and practical imperatives which make it an urgent necessity that you buy this car, you must first be apprised of information about the model, and about this car in particular.

Before you do this, you must be immersed in the Swedish culture from which the Volvo 240 originated. Please start playing some dignified Scandinavian music, such as Edvard Grieg's 1876 Peer Gynt suite, or Basshunter's latest album.

Now that you are suitably en-musiced, here are some important facts about the Volvo 240 series:

Volvo 240s were manufactured by the Volvo car company in Sweden, from 1976 to 1993.

Volvo 240s run and drive. This is not a property of an individual car, but of all Volvo 240s as a group.

Unlike most cars, the Volvo 240 was not built on an assembly line. They were constructed by hand, outdoors in the snow, by teams of tall, bare-chested Swedish men who swung their tools in a synchronized fashion and chanted automobile-durability incantations in unison while they worked. This is the source of the Volvo 240's legendary durability.

Unlike most cars, the Volvo 240 was not designed by professional automotive engineers. Instead, it arrived fully-formed as an inspiration in the mind of the designer while he was ambushed by a sasquatch and trapped under an avalanche in the Swedish Alps. After he was rescued by the centaurs which roam the Swedish countryside, and escorted home by the Royal Swedish Bear Cavalry, he returned to work at Volvo and transcribed, by way of yodeling, his vision onto paper.

During the years it was being manufactured, the Volvo 240 was, as measured by NHTSA and IIHS crash tests, the safest car on the road in the United States. This was due to its strong construction, deep crumple zones, low center of gravity, and front and side passenger ejection seats

There are only three known ways to destroy a Volvo 240:

1. Place it in the center of a gasoline tanker explosion and then crush the remains in a hydraulic press

2. Drive it into the fires of Mount Doom, if you are strong-willed enough to part with it. Destroying a Volvo 240 in this manner may result in the loss of a finger.

3. E-85 gasoline

Because the Volvo 240 is the only car capable of withstanding a direct nuclear blast, and cockroaches are the only life form capable of surviving, in the event of a nuclear war, the earth will be populated exclusively by cockroaches driving Volvo 240s. You have been warned.

The Volvo 240 holds the title of all-time most-successful model in the 24 Hours of Lemons auto race circuit, a 24 hour, tongue in cheek endurance auto race. Volvo 240s have won more championships than any other model, and have the highest average number of laps completed.

When Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, God did not give them a car. But if he had, it probably would have been a Volvo 240. And if it had been, then it would probably still be running today.

Volvo's corporate logo is the spear and shield, the ancient Roman symbol for Mars, the god of war. Since ancient times this symbol has represented iron, and was originally meant to symbolize the superior grade of steel Volvo used in constructing its cars. In recent years, however, the spear-and-shield symbol of Mars has been appropriated as a symbol of masculinity, leading some to the erroneous conclusion that only men drive Volvos. Of course, this is not true. Volvos are driven by spear-carrying hoplites, by Martians, and by cool people of every sex.

The Volvo 240 has a large amount of headroom, because it was designed and manufactured by tall, bare-chested Swedish men.

A Volvo 240 does not have a slow zero to sixty time. Nor a fast one. It reaches sixty precisely when it means to.

A Volvo 240 appears in every James Bond movie between 1979 and 2002. The most recent movies do not feature them because Daniel Craig has had a phobia of Swedish manufactured goods since starring in the ill-fated musical comedy "Lute Fisk!"

Although some people like to name their cars, Volvo 240s are very serious cars, and are incapable of being named.

Some important facts about this particular Volvo 240 of which you should be aware:

This Volvo 240 was manufactured in 1982, has model year 1983, and has been in my family for more than twenty years, first with my grandmother and then with me. In all that time, it has not uttered a single word.

By virtue of being 31 years old, this Volvo 240 is so old that if it walked into a bar, they would not even card it. This will come in handy if you are under 21 and wish your car to purchase alcohol for you.

The odometer died in 1993, and has been reading 147,xxx miles for twenty years. In every one of those years, the car was being actively driven on a daily basis. Therefore, while it is impossible to know with certainty how many miles this Volvo has driven, it is almost certainly in the realm of 400,000 miles, which is enough to circle the earth seven times and then go to the moon.

This Volvo 240 comes equipped with the Jewish prayer for a safe journey inscribed in Hebrew on a handsome plastic plaque on the dashboard. This will shield you from all old-testament-related dangers while you are on the road. If, after buying this car, you are ever smited by God, I will take the car back and make sure you are properly un-smote. That is a personal guarantee.

This Volvo 240 comes equipped with an intermittent electrical fault, never successfully isolated, which means you will, on occasion, be unable to start it in the rain, and instead, while stranded on the side of the road, meet an attractive stranger who you end up sleeping with. It is imperative that you either repair this flaw, or keep the car garaged, if you wish to maintain reliable transportation or remain celibate.

This Volvo 240 was subjected, some time in the 1980s, to a baby blue paint job which, to my knowledge, has only ever been performed on one other Volvo 240. This was the neighborhood drug dealer in Hyde Park, Chicago, where I went to college. During that time, our cars were frequently confused, with the result that I was frequently followed by the police, occasionally approached by persons wishing to buy drugs, and sometimes forced by rival gangs to leave their territory. If you intend to live in Hyde Park, Chicago, please take this into account.

This Volvo 240 comes with a certain amount of body rust. If you ever become anemic, eating food cooked on the affected body panels will suffice to cure you.

This Volvo 240 comes complete with the original jack, a spare tire, and three out of four hubcaps. The fourth hubcap was used to ring the opening bell of the New York Stock Exchange on the day the last Volvo 240 was completed, and has never been returned. Probably.

This Volvo 240 comes with a speedometer which has the 55 mph mark outlined in orange, and only goes up to 85. Thus, on modern freeways, you will sometimes exceed the speedometer's measurement capacity, and thus be reminded that you are an autonomous individual, and all limits are temporary. This will boost your self esteem.

This Volvo 240's gasoline consumption is about 10% higher than that of a typical Volvo 240. The extra expense will ensure you develop good budgeting habits and eventually become wealthy.

This Volvo 240's dashboard is cracked, and has been covered with a fitted piece of dark blue fabric. Unlike the normal dash, which in direct sunlight will attain a temperature of 160F, the felt-covered dash will maintain 135F, which is the perfect temperature for cooking a medium-rare steak.

This Volvo 240's windows are manually controlled, which will increase the amount of exercise you get, and thus, your sex appeal.

This Volvo 240's glove compartment lock is frozen in place, necessitating that it be opened by pulling on the door. This will prevent your glove compartment from becoming cluttered, allowing more space for valuables, which will be secure from theft by extremely weak thieves.

This Volvo 240's cigarette lighter does not work. You will not take up smoking, and therefore will not get emphysema.

This Volvo 240 features an intermittent brake warning light, despite the fact that the brake pads were replaced in 2011 and the brake fluid is topped off and not leaking. This will provide illumination to make up for the fact that the panel lights are not all working.

This Volvo 240 comes with a detachable roof rack, which can be used to carry important cargo, such as a mattress and box spring, a full sized water heater, or a wooden crate containing the Ark of the Covenant.

This Volvo 240's radio does work, but only receives stations which are broadcasting static. This will protect you from advertising, and terrible popular music such as Robin Thicke's recent hit single "Blurred Lines." The Volvo 240 consists of straight lines.

This Volvo 240, like all Volvo 240s, uses a single belt to drive both the power steering pump and the air conditioning. However, this particular Volvo 240's belt is somewhat loose, ensuring that if you use the air conditioning during city driving on a hot day, the belt will sometimes momentarily seize, causing a loud noise and killing your power steering, as you execute a tight turn. The noise will attract the attention of other people, who will admire your feat of strength in executing the turn without power steering, and elect you to political office.

Unlike many cars, this Volvo 240 no longer features a suspension, and instead delivers every contour of the road directly to its passengers. This will make you a better driver, in the long run, and make riding in your car a thrilling experience, making you more popular and saving money on amusement park tickets.

Like many Volvo 240s, this Volvo 240 comes with eighteen keys, enabling you to easily lend it to your many friends, or to clean up at key parties. Look it up.

Now, at this point, you must be wondering why anyone, let alone someone distinguished enough to drive a Volvo 240, would ever sell such a car. Indeed, I have often wondered why I have come to this point. The answer resulted from a lot of soul searching. Over the last few years, I have come to gradually realize that I am no longer worthy of driving a Volvo 240. Ever since my girlfriend fell in love with me after I picked her up in the Volvo 240 on our first date, I have been monogamous, and thus have had to take great care to avoid leaving it in the rain (see above). Since starting graduate school, I no longer have encounters with rival drug gangs of my car's doppelganger. I seldom have the opportunity, any more, to show off my car at the valet parking of the Lyric Opera. In short, as I realized one morning while looking in the mirror after my morning swim across Lake Erie, I am not cool enough to drive a Volvo 240. I thus, reluctantly, have been forced to buy a newer Volvo, and to sell my 240 to you, for the low price of $800 or best offer.

Because you have assimilated all the important information above, I assume you are now driven by a passionate urgency to purchase this car, and are making calling me your top priority. Fear not, as I am prepared to take your call at any hour of the day or night. Simply make sure you are sitting down, and call (503) 867-9893, or email, above.

P.S.
In case you are wondering, this is in fact a real ad. The electrical fault, body rust, etc, mentioned in this ad are also real. If you want to buy a baby blue, 1983 Volvo 240, or for some other reason give me money, please do call.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:03

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

I'm actually getting really tired of these ~hilarious over the top~ Craigslist ads that everyone seems to be doing now.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 11:01

Terrible Robot: Jul 2, 2010; FRIED CHICKEN; Slippery Tilde

The ad for the F-250 got old quickly with its misogyny and hick mannerisms. The 240 ad legitimately made me
laugh until I cried, but I may be biased.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 13:51

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

It's all true, too. I tried to name my 240 and it didn't work.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 18:35

BrokenKnucklez: Apr 22, 2008; by zen death robot

I would kill for an ad that has the basics of the car, about 8 decent photos, and a seller that is not a complete moron.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 18:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 10:06

razorscooter: Nov 5, 2008

BrokenKnucklez posted:

I would kill for an ad that has the basics of the car, about 8 decent photos, and a seller that is not a complete moron.

not gonna happen

One of the dealers in town has about ten million bro trucks on hand, and about five or six postings for each one:

There's also this thing which looks it would be hilarious to putt around town in/swap something really stupid into:

# ? Nov 25, 2013 19:17

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Craigslist Fools Gold - SCREENSHOT YOUR ADS

«‹›888 »