Cricket Thread 2013: Why you chirpin' now, mate? Not getting wickets?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Cricket Thread 2013: Why you chirpin' now, mate? Not getting wickets?

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serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

No I actually like Warner now if Trott was fannying up the place with that bullshit he should have hosed off months ago.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:36

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 23:41

Anarkii: Dec 30, 2008

Now that everyone knows about his stress thing, I think Trott's career is over. He'll be welcomed back by taunts and people calling him coward wherever he goes.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:39

tnimark: Dec 22, 2009

Negligent posted:

Does this revelation make Warner even more of a cock?

Nah he didn't know. He's just he same cock he was yesterday; no more, no less.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:39

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

I hope he knew, thats the sort of thing I reckon both camps knew about. I bet Pieterson was texting Warner the night before about it.

I'd actually like Warner more if he knew about it and went for the throat instead of saying 'We're gonna break your fuckin arms mate'

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:41

Lungboy: Aug 23, 2002; NEED SQUAT FORM HELP

So Root to 3? Bairstow? gently caress.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:47

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Lungboy posted:

So Root to 3? Bairstow? gently caress.

Its the good times again. All aboard the 90's England train! *toot toot*

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:48

thehappyprince: Apr 4, 2006; Alastair Cock

Negligent posted:

Does this revelation make Warner even more of a cock?

not until we know if he knew or not

serious gaylord posted:

No I actually like Warner now if Trott was fannying up the place with that bullshit he should have hosed off months ago.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:49

Lionel Richie: Nov 14, 2004

Looks like someone just got mentally disintegrated :twisted:

Grrr manly men *swoon*

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:51

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

I cant wait to hear what they've got in store for Root. Maybe one of the aussies are going to kidnap his teddy bear?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:53

Centusin: Aug 5, 2009

They should play Bopara because he can bowl a little just like Trott and he can't bat just like Trott

# ? Nov 25, 2013 09:54

Ratios and Tendency: Apr 23, 2010; MURALI

serious gaylord posted:

I cant wait to hear what they've got in store for Root. Maybe one of the aussies are going to kidnap his teddy bear?

They should refuse to buy any of his matchsticks.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:09

You Am I: May 20, 2001; Me @ your poasting

serious gaylord posted:

I cant wait to hear what they've got in store for Root. Maybe one of the aussies are going to kidnap his teddy bear?

I heard they are going to write "U SUK" on the England Team Bus

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:09

a real chump: Jul 30, 2003; noice; Nap Ghost

No fooling this is Root's picture from Cricbuzz:

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:21

Smorgasbord: Jun 18, 2004; Our review identified changes needed to be made and, in Stephen, we have a coach who has a reputation for demanding the highest standards.

-Spiffy- posted:

No fooling this is Root's picture from Cricbuzz:

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:23

DickEmery: Dec 5, 2004

Negligent posted:

Does this revelation make Warner even more of a cock?

Warner shouldn't be talking about individuals in a press conference but I think he's just a bit thick.
England winning the series is what's going to make him look like a cock.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:29

snaeksikn: Feb 28, 2010

-Spiffy- posted:

No fooling this is Root's picture from Cricbuzz:

ellen DeGeneres plays cricket???

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:40

Auditore: Nov 4, 2010

Surely they would go Cook, Carberry, Bell, Pietersen, Root and Ballance for the top 6 at Adelaide?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:40

snaeksikn: Feb 28, 2010

ive got no reason to doubt that she'd be good at it if she tried but that just jumped out at me right away

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:41

EMC: Aug 17, 2004

snaeksikn posted:

ellen DeGeneres plays cricket???

Shane Warne made this same comparison on TV followed by Aggers asking "Alan who?", great moment

# ? Nov 25, 2013 10:55

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

Nick Compton, anyone?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 11:17

glasnost toyboy: May 29, 2009

serious gaylord posted:

I hope he knew, thats the sort of thing I reckon both camps knew about. I bet Pieterson was texting Warner the night before about it.

KP wouldn't do that to a fellow Saffer.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 11:53

Cocksmith: Dec 28, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Johnson broke him. Nice.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 12:00

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

I wonder whos been diddling Trotts wife?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 12:05

Quasimango: Mar 10, 2011; God damn you.

I think this article is the last word on sledging. http://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2013/nov/06/shane-warne-sledging-ashes

quote:

Given how studiedly manscaped he is these days, it wouldn't be the most enormous stretch if trash-talking dandy Shane Warne simply swept into the Ashes commentary box on the first day of the series, adjusted his monocle, and declared that to be tired of sledging is to be tired of cricket.

But is it? The veneration of the practice continues unabated in some quarters, yet with each Ashes series I find the easily amused glee in this aspect of proceedings slightly more tedious than I did the last time around. A ball of the series has yet to be bowled, but already the keepers of the annals are celebrating new entries, with Warne's digs at Alastair Cook grabbing a wearingly predictable number of headlines, before being parried by no less Wildean a figure than Will Carling. "Bloody hell even their sledging is now shite!!!" he sledged.

Once the action proper starts, and snippets of the on-pitch repartee filter out, many will celebrate whatever the latest variants are concerning a player's BMI and the sexual appetite of his spouse. Lest we forget, this is an art form that, with very few exceptions, can be boiled down to the endless rehashing of part or all of the following: You're poo poo, you're fat, and I've shagged your wife. Who's a poo poo.

Naturally, there are rare occasions when only calling someone a fat expletive will do, and a cheap laugh can be a genuine hoot, if it is deployed rarely enough to be a surprise � the retaliatory equivalent of Indiana Jones being confronted by the master swordsman and simply pulling out his pistol and shooting him. Used anything other than very sparingly indeed, however, it's a bore. Or, as the nursery disciplinary code used to run: first time funny, second time silly, third time smack.

Strip away the befuddling nostalgia around the celebrated examples of sledging down the years, and they have mostly dated terribly. The moments of genuine wit are so few and far between as to almost conform to the infinite-monkeys-on-infinite-typewriters principle. The moments of insight are arguably even fewer, which is perhaps why other sports have failed to adopt what is so often fabled as a match-winning form of verbal combat. Tennis stars, for instance, have yet to serve up their aces with a chaser of what they imagine to be the equivalent of a cheeky Bruce Willis one-liner.

Yet apparently on the basis that WG Grace was a bit lippy � albeit in a considerably more mannerly fashion � sledging continues to be referred to as "a noble tradition". Traditions are always unthinkingly noble, aren't they? In fact, "noble traditions" are a bit like "billionaire philanthropists" � you can't seem to have one half of the epithet without the other. Except, of course, you can.

Unfortunately, no one tells the self-styled grand masters, which is possibly why some articles on the noble tradition still feel able to speak admiringly of an ancient exchange between Beefy Botham and Rod Marsh. "How's your wife and my kids?" inquired Marsh, as you may recall. "The wife's fine," retorted Botham, "the kids are retarded." (Hey � he does a lot for charity, innit.)

Perhaps the only other place where the bar of wit is set so low is Westminster. There, Dennis Skinner can deliver some dead-on-arrival non-zinger, only for at least half the House to threaten to do themselves a mischief, so hysterical is their mirth. A few months ago the prime minister could not suppress his self-admiring laughter as he honked the following at the Labour front benches: "I know I've been the one on holiday in Ibiza � but they've been the ones taking policy-altering substances!" What can you say? Anywhere normal, this clunkfest would have been met with either withering silence or a pitying groan. In Westminster, it was received so rapturously it practically broke the laughter track.

This tends to be the way in all hermetically sealed worlds, particularly those whose defining characteristic is impregnable self-regard. Outside of the Premier League, for instance, what is always glorified as "mind games" could be simply classified as bad manners or being babyish. But within the bubble, where all critical faculties are apparently suspended, it is routinely regarded as game theorising on a par with the stratagems deployed by either side in the most mutually paranoid days of the cold war. And so with cricket sledging, where � within the Center Parcs of on-pitch idiocy � someone offering a variant on someone's wife's post-coital generosity with the biscuits is regarded as having out-Twained Twain.

Study the collected works of sledging, and it becomes clear that the bread and butter of the 21st century form is largely artless, low-level abuse delivered by people who think swearing is always funny. Which isn't to say swearing can't be hilarious � if it is done well. Done badly, though, it is not a substitute for wit, but another lame gag whose reliance on a naughty word merely foregrounds its failure in all other aspects.

As for whether it could be done better, one can but dream. Given this is the era of technical innovations and scripted so-called reality shows, I implore the International Cricket Council to embrace modernity and consider hiring The Thick of It's brilliant swearing consultant, Ian Martin. In an ideal world, he'd write the sledging for an entire Ashes series � but under this sort of time pressure, I'd settle for him being flown out to Australia without delay, to deliver a crash course to both sides in raising their game.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 12:20

Unimpressed: Feb 13, 2013

serious gaylord posted:

Its the good times again. All aboard the 90's England train! *toot toot*

You see, what happened is that England saw Australia catching up in test numbers, and we've wisely decided we want to reach our 1000th test cricketer before them. gently caress you Aussies, we're going to get to 4 digits before you.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 12:32

Paul.Power: Feb 7, 2009; The three roles of APCs:
Transports.
Supply trucks.
Distractions.

Lungboy posted:

So Root to 3? Bairstow? gently caress.

Bell.

I mean, he's in form and the last time he had a go at 3 it worked out pretty well for him.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 13:12

Burn Down Canberra: Oct 27, 2005; GAME PLANS? We don't need no stinking game plans.

Quasimango posted:

I think this article is the last word on sledging. http://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2013/nov/06/shane-warne-sledging-ashes

Isnt this all slightly missing the point of why players sledge.

It's not some added theatre or an attempt to best your opponent by being funny. It's simply to be an annoying obnoxious arsehole so that your opponent breaks concentration for long enough to get out.

Cricket is almost entirely a mental game. So if calling someone a hopeless oval office is good enough to disrupt their concentration for even a second it's a successful sledge. The media tends to over think something so basic little children can do it (being obnoxious to get a reaction)

# ? Nov 25, 2013 13:33

Anarkii: Dec 30, 2008

It's certainly part of the game but nobody should be calling it a noble tradition or anything. It's more akin to pushing and shoving in football. Everyone does it and nobody bats an eyelid. Sometimes it escalates and people are punished. Sometimes nothing happens and players are drama queens. Same with sledging. Media focusses on it too much.

edit : This applies only to the on-field stuff though. People like Shane Warne who rile things up off-field for publicity are garbage.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 13:50

cmndstab: May 20, 2006; Huge Internet Celebrity!

I'd feel bad for Clarke if the sledging was even remotely inventive, or even if it was at a crucial stage in the match.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 13:57

Burn Down Canberra: Oct 27, 2005; GAME PLANS? We don't need no stinking game plans.

Nobody really thinks that sledging is a noble tradition but the game would lose something if fast bowlers couldn't bounce a player and then call him a oval office.

I always thought this was quite an amusing bit of sledging.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlFF98dM8sA

# ? Nov 25, 2013 14:08

Ratios and Tendency: Apr 23, 2010; MURALI

Wit is good but it's really just supposed to be intimidating and distracting.

edit: Is Trott's "stress related condition" just depression?

Ratios and Tendency fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Nov 25, 2013

# ? Nov 25, 2013 20:07

Flayer: Sep 13, 2003; by Fluffdaddy; Buglord

It is loving sad that we lost the first test so bad that one of our opening batsmen quit the team. Trott can never play for us again.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 20:42

Coq au Nandos: Nov 7, 2006; I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.

serious gaylord posted:

I wonder whos been diddling Trotts wife?

Who else?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 20:50

DickEmery: Dec 5, 2004

Ratios and Tendency posted:

edit: Is Trott's "stress related condition" just depression?

Some sort of anxiety disorder it appears.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:04

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Ratios and Tendency posted:

Wit is good but it's really just supposed to be intimidating and distracting.

edit: Is Trott's "stress related condition" just depression?

His wifes been loving about while hes away lol.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:04

tanglewood1420: Oct 28, 2010; The importance of this mission cannot be overemphasized

Anarkii posted:

Now that everyone knows about his stress thing, I think Trott's career is over. He'll be welcomed back by taunts and people calling him coward wherever he goes.

Really? It hasn't happened to Trescothick or Yardy in county cricket.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:07

Unimpressed: Feb 13, 2013

tanglewood1420 posted:

Really? It hasn't happened to Trescothick or Yardy in county cricket.

That's because county cricket is played in front of genuine cricket lovers and lacks the nationalistic aspect. Imagine Trott returning next time to the Gabba. Can you really imagine the crowd there not taunting him with that kind of stuff? Or the Australian team?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:29

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

tanglewood1420 posted:

Really? It hasn't happened to Trescothick or Yardy in county cricket.

How many International appearances have they made since?

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:29

Lionel Richie: Nov 14, 2004

Unimpressed posted:

That's because county cricket is played in front of genuine cricket lovers and lacks the nationalistic aspect. Imagine Trott returning next time to the Gabba. Can you really imagine the crowd there not taunting him with that kind of stuff? Or the Australian team?

I think harassing a depressed person would be taking a bit far even for the Australian cricket team, but maybe I'm just a dreamer.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:36

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 23:41

Spedman: Mar 12, 2010; Kangaroos hate Hasselblads

Lionel Richie posted:

I think harassing a depressed person would be taking a bit far even for the Australian cricket team, but maybe I'm just a dreamer.

Judging by the comments at the bottom of this Trott story on Facebook (posted by the ABC) with every second person calling him a sook/poof/soft, I think you might be dreaming unfortunately. At least there was a fair chunk of people telling the bogans how terrible they are.

# ? Nov 25, 2013 21:51

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