Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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RC and Moon Pie: May 5, 2011

The Georgia Southern upset of Florida made me look up some stuff about the early days of the (revived) program and about the influence of Erk Russell. I stumbled upon a pretty good Sports Illustrated article from 1987 about both.

# ? Nov 26, 2013 07:55

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:04

Dingleberry Jones: Jun 2, 2008; If I'm posting a new thread, it means there is a thread already posted and I failed at using the forum search correctly

I just got done reading Reggie Jackson's new autobiography "Becoming Mr. October."

Pretty light read, nothing outstanding, except in the book he actually used the phrases "LMAO" and "LOL" which was pretty odd to see for no other reason than it was a hardcover book and not a text message.

# ? Dec 2, 2013 18:27

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

language is dead, RIP

# ? Dec 2, 2013 18:28

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

edit: never mind

morestuff fucked around with this message at 20:30 on Dec 2, 2013

# ? Dec 2, 2013 18:33

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

TJ Quinn on twitter this afternoon recounted the story of how he got the Barry Bonds grand jury testimony: https://twitter.com/TJQuinnESPN

quote:

So 10 years ago today I went to SF for Barry Bonds' grand jury appearance, knowing it was a waste of time bc gj's are private procedures...

They I accidentally figured out I was able to overhear portions of his testimony. Got a massive scoop no one was sure they could believe.

It wasn't until a year later that @markfwespn & @LanceWCIR published the testimony in the SFChron that it could be confirmed.

I'll run through the weirdness of the experience for anyone interested. If you're not, tune out.

Got to the courthouse, 17th fl, saw lots of people I knew. Wanted to make a phone call, so I ducked into a quiet alcove off a hallway...

Bonds wasn't there yet, but I could hear people milling about behind a doorway. Where else would people be milling about? Had to be GJ room.

Went back out & looked at a fire exit map on the wall. Figure that had to be it. Called my boss. She called the lawyers. They had questions.

Did I open any doors? No. Did I use a listening device? No. Did someone/something say I couldn't be there? No. Did I touch the door? No.

They concluded I was in the clear. The burden was on the court to secure the proceeding, not for me to avoid hearing it. Bonds arrived.

Went back to my spot, pretended I was on phone & took notes. I could hear them ask about cream & clear. BB said he never knew what they were

He was saying pretty much what his lawyer said he would: he took substances, assumed they were legal. Prosecutors sounded incredulous.

Here was my main problem: I couldn't exactly confirm quotes with him, so unless I was 100% sure, I couldn't use it. Had to be VERY cautious

I wrote the story in my notebook, then had to rush outside to dictate in time for my NY deadline. Also called a lawyer friend. Just because.

I went inside & everyone said, "You missed him!" They all felt bad that I'd come all that way and I missed his only quote. The AP guy shared

All night kept waiting for marshals to kick in my door. Did what any Mizzou J grad would & called Prof. George Kennedy for guidance/support.

George said: "You did what a good reporter should: you heard something interesting and you kept listening. Well done, young man."

Next morning, complete S storm. AUSA: "couldn't have happened." Bonds' atty: "He's full of poo poo. He doesn't know what he's talking about.'

I was told not to speak to reporters. Paper was worried about contempt charges. One told me about AUSA statement it couldn't have happened.

I asked, "did he say I made it up out of whole cloth or that I'm lying about how I heard?" Reporter said AUSA hadn't indicated either.

Problem was no one could confirm. One AP guy was particularly obnoxious. Had worked there 17 years, didn't see how it was possible. It was.

The next day, chief judge of the circuit issues angry order that anyone eavesdropping on gj will be charged with criminal contempt.

Week later reporter calls & asks where I was. I said I can't say. He says "because there's now a marshal posted outside this little alcove."

I told him off the record, yes, that was it. NO ONE from USAs office or fed agencies would go near me after that.

A month or so later, new wall had been built with a locked door. @wrightthompson had me take his picture next to it. Feds named it after me.

This is the story I posted. (Excuse the weird formatting.) You'll notice how much restraint I wrote with: http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/sports/grand-jury-hears-bonds-nl-mvp-hasn-steroids-article-1.523470 �

The headline should have said he told GJ he didn't "knowingly" take drugs. But whatever. I didn't write that and it was 10 years ago.

Few months later met @markfwespn & @LanceWCIR for 1st time, the day "Game of Shadows" came out. First Q from Lance: "How did you overhear?"

I told them they had the bestseller and lots of awards, but I had a federal building physically altered. Top that.

Four years & 51 weeks after the hearing, an AUSA called. He said, "just so you know, there's a week left on the statute of limitations."

That's the kind of joke federal prosecutors find hysterical.

So mostly it was dumb luck. I'm not sure what all the lessons are. But obviously the first one is you show up and see what happens.

One postscript item: "Game of Shadows" says I put my ear to the door. Not true. Never touched it. The rest of the book seems accurate.

Was asked what I would do differently. I wish we had written it harder, but we had to be so, so careful. We couldn't afford any mistakes.

# ? Dec 4, 2013 22:11

Ace Jameson: Feb 10, 2006

That's awesome actually, but he couldn't pick a better medium than twitter? At least tweetlonger or whatever it's called?

# ? Dec 5, 2013 00:36

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

ESPN's busy celebrating Nelson Mandela's crowning achievement- getting South Africa the World Cup.

# ? Dec 5, 2013 23:38

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Frackie Robinson posted:

ESPN's busy celebrating Nelson Mandela's crowning achievement- getting South Africa the World Cup.

They are a sports network and he is a sports figure in a way. If he wasn't they wouldn't be reporting on his death.

# ? Dec 5, 2013 23:42

Hand Knit: Oct 24, 2005; Beer Loses more than a game Sunday ...
We lost our Captain, our Teammate, our Friend Kelly Calabro...
Rest in Peace my friend you will be greatly missed..

Declan MacManus posted:

They are a sports network and he is a sports figure in a way. If he wasn't they wouldn't be reporting on his death.

I'm not old enough to have the greatest memory, but I think there's maybe one or two other sporting related times in his life that might be more significant.

# ? Dec 5, 2013 23:55

Josh Lyman: May 24, 2009

Hand Knit posted:

I'm not old enough to have the greatest memory, but I think there's maybe one or two other sporting related times in his life that might be more significant.

They showed Obama's press conference about Mandela. This is basically an impromptu Outside The Lines.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 00:03

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

Kalli posted:

TJ Quinn on twitter this afternoon recounted the story of how he got the Barry Bonds grand jury testimony: https://twitter.com/TJQuinnESPN

That call from the AUSA is fantastic, if I were a federal prosecutor I'd love trolling the poo poo out of people; that said, if it weren't clearly done in good fun couldn't it be construed as unprofessional behavior?

# ? Dec 6, 2013 00:25

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Rovell really Rovelled it up with the Winston thing today

# ? Dec 6, 2013 00:40

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

zakharov posted:

Rovell really Rovelled it up with the Winston thing today

Could have been worse

# ? Dec 6, 2013 00:46

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

morestuff posted:

Could have been worse

And thus "giving the Heisman stiff arm" entered the bro lexicon.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 01:15

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

"OJ Simpson juked the shoes out of the system, found not guilty of murder"

# ? Dec 6, 2013 01:18

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

"Jovan Belcher put a hole in the theory that players in the NFL are above depression and mental health issues."

# ? Dec 6, 2013 03:30

The broken bones: Jan 3, 2008; Out beyond winning and losing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.

morestuff posted:

Could have been worse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY666mL4z4E

_{_{i couldnt find a better clip sadly}}

# ? Dec 6, 2013 08:09

Niwrad: Jul 1, 2008

Is Rovell just trolling people these days or is he really like this? Every time I think he'll steer clear of a topic he goes in head first.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 08:22

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

Niwrad posted:

Is Rovell just trolling people these days or is he really like this? Every time I think he'll steer clear of a topic he goes in head first.

He's a robot that can't ever turn off seeing things in terms of money or numbers

# ? Dec 6, 2013 08:29

midwat: May 6, 2007

zakharov posted:

Rovell really Rovelled it up with the Winston thing today

There are lots of sports media figures who are terrible people with terrible opinions, but the only one I've ever thought "he must be stopped" about is Darren Rovell.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 15:13

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

Niwrad posted:

Is Rovell just trolling people these days or is he really like this? Every time I think he'll steer clear of a topic he goes in head first.

Magary sums it up well: http://deadspin.com/why-people-hate-darren-rovell-1426636375

I don't even like hate-reading his tweets any more, it's just like, ugh, get away, get away.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 15:22

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Niwrad posted:

Is Rovell just trolling people these days or is he really like this? Every time I think he'll steer clear of a topic he goes in head first.

Rovell is that guy at your work place who uses the word "synergy" unironically.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 15:23

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

ElwoodCuse posted:

He's a robot that can't ever turn off seeing things in terms of money or numbers

And has an unhealthy obsession with empty seats

# ? Dec 6, 2013 16:56

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

Deathlove posted:

Magary sums it up well: http://deadspin.com/why-people-hate-darren-rovell-1426636375

I don't even like hate-reading his tweets any more, it's just like, ugh, get away, get away.

I find myself referring to this paragraph a lot in my daily life:

quote:

In a sputtering American economy, there is a growing number of people who are so desperate to remain afloat that they will happily allow their humanity to be subsumed by whatever stuffed-crust pizza chain employs them. They buy in all the way. And Rovell is their champion. If you want to understand how companies like Enron and Goldman Sachs can become such inhumane, awful places, Rovell is the prototype. He is strictly about the brand�the face of the enterprise. Whatever shady poo poo is going on beneath that brand is simply a necessary evil to keep it all neat and spiffy. He is the guy at the power company turning a blind eye to old uranium being dumped in the local water supply.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 21:43

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

Vertical Lime posted:

And has an unhealthy obsession with empty seats

There's this now, inspired by but not related to him

https://twitter.com/EmptySeatsPics

# ? Dec 7, 2013 09:38

oldfan: Jul 22, 2007; "Mathewson pitched against Cincinnati yesterday. Another way of putting it is that Cincinnati lost a game of baseball."

Tomas Rios wrote a really good critique of the media handling of the Winston case, so of course his comments section is being used by Paterno deniers and other assorted weirdos.

# ? Dec 8, 2013 04:03

Crion: Sep 30, 2004; baseball.

Best commenters on the internet, I do declare

# ? Dec 8, 2013 04:05

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I'm so glad we're going to be subjected to Paterno deniers/Penn State crazies for years to come.

# ? Dec 9, 2013 03:19

Nerdfest X: Feb 7, 2008; UberDork Extreme

They will be on the grassy knoll with Obama's fake birth certificate and copy of "Loose Change"

# ? Dec 12, 2013 18:11

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Nerdfest X posted:

They will be on the grassy knoll with Obama's fake birth certificate and copy of "Loose Change"

And a replica of the Apollo 11 sound stage.

# ? Dec 12, 2013 18:19

mikeraskol: May 3, 2006; Oh yeah. I was killing you.

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/10116177/rick-reilly-torre-la-russa-cox

Marvel at the way Rick Reilly actually makes a couple of good points while still managing to write one of the worst things I've ever read in my life.

Dupers Town.

# ? Dec 13, 2013 18:32

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Deadspin made a compilation of mean things it said about people this year.

It's actually pretty handy if you need a quick rundown on why sports personalities are poo poo:

quote:

Ashley Fox: "Reads like a First Take producer's brainstorming session"

Damon Bruce: "loving nutjob"

Dan Snyder: "Synonymous with evil, waste, dishonesty, petulance, litigiousness, churlishness, entitlement, vulgarianism, moral rot, snuff porn, rapacious capitalism, illegal deforestation, American Indian minstrelsy, general shitbaggery, the Lollipop Guild, Tom Cruise, heedless body modification, a lordly disdain for the underclass, the systematic commodification of human experience, and horsefucking."

James Dolan: "lovely blues musician," "Asswipe and a schmuck...Giant rear end in a top hat...Dumpy cretin," "Genital wart"

Roger Goodell: "The NFL Owners' best publicist"

Susan Reimer: "Moron"

Jeffrey Loria: "Gilded lifesize hemorrhoid"

Pete Prisco: "Moron columnist," "Odious football columnist and wearer of weird shorts"

Glenn Clark and Vic Lombardi: "A pair of lowing man-babies"

Wright Thompson: "ESPN's premier longform writer," "Foghorn Leghorn with a Twitter login and an expense account"

Don Dahler: "Talking haircut"

Jason Reid: "Miss DC," "Bottom-rung sports columnist"

Lynn Hoppes: "Dancing With The Stars correspondent"

Rick Reilly: "A pretty good poet for a seventh grader," "Presumptuous, morally officious boob"

Colin Cowherd: "The worst," "Race-baiting sports yakker...Sounds like the lost third author of The Bell Curve"

Andrew Bogut:"Colin Cowherd in size fourteens"

Chris Jones: "Former blogger," "An rear end in a top hat pumping blood"

Jim Boeheim: "Officious turd"

Jason Whitlock: "Nascent dwarf planet"

Phil Mushnick: "Professional shithead"

Craig James: "Possible hooker-killer"

Mike Florio: "A good shill"

Jen Floyd Engel: "Worst Columnist In America"

Chael Sonnen: "Middling professional fighter"

Trick Shot Titus: "Pathetic baby"

Bill Simmons: "Fancies himself an oracle," "ESPN splitting-head," "Well-known brand"

Skip Bayless: "Resident ESPN troll"

Chris Broussard: "Bigot"

Jack Edwards: "Either the world's most ingenious troll or a crazy person"

John Ziegler: "Lunatic"

Peter King: "Overpaid sportswriter," "Dull exponent of NFL conventional wisdom"

Nate Rider: "Confused sportswriter"

Joe Strauss: "Moron"

Jimmy Haslam: "Evil motherfucker"

Zygi Wilf: "Evil racketeer"

David Chao: "Drunk quack"

Elliot Pellman: "Fraud. Conspirator. Quack. Disgrace."

Dan Shaughnessy: "Self-appointed tribune of all Boston fandom"

Gregg Doyel: "Prize stud of the CBS Sports stable of troll columnists"

Ed Sherman: "ESPN PR's favorite media reporter," "Dreary newspaper hack...Dumb...Useless"

Pete Thamel: "Author of romance fiction"

Ariel Helwani: "Mean Gene Okerlund of MMA"

Scott Miller: "poo poo-peddling white-guy columnist...Half-literate moron"

Kelly Dwyer: "Toughest record store clerk in your badass local record store"

Dan Levy: "Still the self-appointed ombudsman of everything"

Katie Baker: "Marginally hip Canadian aunt"

Mark May: "Dumbest sports pundit on TV"

Dan Dakich: "lovely radio host"

Jon Heyman: "Has to learn to spell"

Bruce Arthur: "Pious bore"

Darren Rovell: "Post-human," "Someone who found his niche licking the boots of corporate sponsors"

Doug Gottlieb: "NCAA apologist"

Charles Robinson: "Mall cop coming to terms with the fact that no one goes to that mall anymore"

Jason McIntyre: "ESPN PR guy"

Chris Kluwe: "Unemployable Redditor"

Kendrick Perkins: "Heavy equipment that someone dragged onto the court from a rock quarry"

Greg Schiano: "Wannabe Napoleon," "Short on neck but very high on a complete inability to win football games"

Mike Shanahan: "Stoic leatherface"

Tino Martinez: "An absolute lunatic"

Jack Dickey: "Disgusting man"

# ? Dec 18, 2013 00:32

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I got as far as Damon Bruce "Nut Job" and I can tell you this is an accurate list.

And Kluwe "Unemployable Redditor" :lol:

# ? Dec 18, 2013 01:14

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

"Nascent dwarf planet" is probably the best fat joke I've seen in some time, if I'm honest

# ? Dec 18, 2013 18:42

The broken bones: Jan 3, 2008; Out beyond winning and losing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.

hahahhahahahaha "post-human"

gardenald posted:

"Nascent dwarf planet" is probably the best fat joke I've seen in some time, if I'm honest

I agree, though I'm uncomfortable with it

# ? Dec 18, 2013 18:44

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

"Foghorn Leghorn with a Twitter login and an expense account" is clearly the best

# ? Dec 18, 2013 18:58

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

What did Jen Floyd Engel write to earn "The Worst Columnist in America" distinction over the Rick Reily Redskin thing? And Rick Riley in general.

# ? Dec 18, 2013 18:58

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

DOOP posted:

What did Jen Floyd Engel write to earn "The Worst Columnist in America" distinction over the Rick Reily Redskin thing? And Rick Riley in general.

Looks like it was this. Something about comparing Johnny Football with Rosa Parks:

http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/johnny-manziel-case-was-tipping-point-in-ncaa-hypocrisy-080813

# ? Dec 18, 2013 19:12

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

The 'the uncredited third writer of the Bell Curve' is a pretty good :iceburn:

on Cowherd.

# ? Dec 18, 2013 19:16

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:04

swizz: Oct 10, 2004; I can recall being broke with some friends in Tennessee and deciding to have a party and being able to afford only two-fifths of a $1.75 bourbon called Two Natural, whose label showed dice coming up 5 and 2. Its taste was memorable. The psychological effect was also notable.

Gregg Doyel's supperlative was a little too close to praise for me

# ? Dec 18, 2013 20:08

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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