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Istari posted:Hi goons, I'm looking for some advice on discipline. When you say it can go on for an hour, is that hyperbole or are you actually restarting the timer when she gets up and the whole ordeal is lasting for an hour? Robo Boogie Bot fucked around with this message at 22:17 on Dec 17, 2013 |
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Dec 17, 2013 22:15
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Robo Boogie Bot posted:When you say it can go on for an hour, is that hyperbole or are you actually restarting the timer when she gets up and the whole ordeal is lasting for an hour? Generally, we do not restart the timer, it's 4 minutes all up. But on one occasion, we decided to see how long she would keep it up, and we got over 50 minutes. She didn't even seem to notice; just kept laughing.
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Dec 17, 2013 23:55
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I had a...challenging day. There were time outs, there were tears, there was some yelling. And after all that, I got my first "I love you daddy" as I put the little one down. I melted. I'm a loving wreck right now.
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Dec 18, 2013 05:23
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Ron Jeremy posted:I had a...challenging day. There were time outs, there were tears, there was some yelling. It's pretty great, right? 
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Dec 18, 2013 05:42
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I'm looking for DVD recommendations that don't have a lot of previews on them. Grandmas car has a dvd player now, and I'd like for the kids to be able to watch some shows, but there is no menu/bypass button. The few dvd's we have (all Disney) have 10-15 minutes of previews that the kids don't want to sit through. I did pick up a package of leapfrog DVD's thinking they wouldn't have the previews either, but dang they also had 10 minutes of previews before the show started. Preferably something educational, kids are 2 and 4.
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Dec 19, 2013 18:39
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Rathina posted:
Id suggest a tv show if you're looking for something educational. I know that BBC (UK) dvds that we have don't have many, or any trailers at all. Plus it means that you can switch it off after a few episodes if need be! Our son can get a little annoyed if we suggest switching off a film that hasn't finished. Late on the dinosaur dressing up photos!  (this was after his 3rd birthday in September. He insisted on wearing my costume) Christmas this year is all about dressing up! A few members of the family have been collecting some lovely dressing up presents for Cillian. I get more excited about christmas every year! 
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Dec 19, 2013 21:35
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Rathina posted:I'm looking for DVD recommendations that don't have a lot of previews on them. Grandmas car has a dvd player now, and I'd like for the kids to be able to watch some shows, but there is no menu/bypass button. The few dvd's we have (all Disney) have 10-15 minutes of previews that the kids don't want to sit through. I did pick up a package of leapfrog DVD's thinking they wouldn't have the previews either, but dang they also had 10 minutes of previews before the show started. Pretty sure the various BBC nature documentaries are better than most for that sort of thing. Go get a bunch of blue planet and life in the undergrowth and whatever else. Kids enjoy that sort of thing, they are low key and calming, and as long as it is a choice between the dulcet tones of David Attenborough talking about treefrogs, or nothing, rather than a choice between treefrogs and power rangers, they'll be pretty excited by the prospect of treefrogs. Though we don't do electronics for around town driving, it is some useful enforced family time. We talk about school, and plans, and whatever we see on the road. For long hauls everybody can be deep into a tablet or movie, but if we're going to be in the car for less than an hour, we try to practice some conversation, or pre-game whatever event we are heading to.
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Dec 19, 2013 21:36
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Rathina posted:I'm looking for DVD recommendations that don't have a lot of previews on them. Grandmas car has a dvd player now, and I'd like for the kids to be able to watch some shows, but there is no menu/bypass button. The few dvd's we have (all Disney) have 10-15 minutes of previews that the kids don't want to sit through. I did pick up a package of leapfrog DVD's thinking they wouldn't have the previews either, but dang they also had 10 minutes of previews before the show started. Team Umizoomi rates highly among my 1 and 3 demographic.
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Dec 19, 2013 22:25
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If you have a DVD writer, it might be worth your while to buy the disk, rip it, then write it on a new disk with the skip protection disabled. While my understand is that this is legal if you own the content, this might be uncomfortably close to  for some of you, so check your local laws etc.
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Dec 20, 2013 00:59
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Volmarias posted:If you have a DVD writer, it might be worth your while to buy the disk, rip it, then write it on a new disk with the skip protection disabled. This is what I do. Whenever we buy a DVD I rip and re-author the disc so it only has the movie on it. Sesame Street, Disney, pretty much everyone has 10+ minutes of crap before the main program starts. By ripping/reauthoring the disc I just have to turn the players on and the movie starts. No menu, No ads, just program. The original disc goes on the shelf, the copy goes in the car, it can melt or get scratched and I just make a new one. It sucks buying another copy of something for 15 bucks because it got scratched or something.
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Dec 20, 2013 04:47
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Alistair is almost one year old and he has never ever stopped crying/screaming/groaning at us and my wife and I are more stressed out than we have ever been in our lives. We're just about ready to try cry it out (either the baby or us). What the hell can we do to make him not fuss. It may be teething idk but he's already got 7 teeth. Its like he uses screaming at us as his favored kind of communication. AAHHHH!!!! Also I want to get a back pack kind of thing to wear him in and at the same time maintain my manliness. Obviously it has to be cammo or have skulls on it or something. Does anyone know of such a product that isn't blatantly wearing a baby.
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Dec 20, 2013 05:17
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Because boy howdy, wearing your kid is just so emasculating. Really dude? Just get a black ergo and be done with it.
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Dec 20, 2013 05:24
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Sew some PALS panels on there if it'll make you feel better.
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Dec 20, 2013 05:25
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Chickalicious posted:Because boy howdy, wearing your kid is just so emasculating. Really dude? Just get a black ergo and be done with it. I was being mostly sarcastic as per skulls and cammo comment, however truth be told I'm not about to wear him in public in one of the two baby carriers we have already. They're okay but hes so squashed against me. Though they're good for napping, it's the only way he falls asleep with me actually. I want one for going out like maybe this one but it seems a tad bulky. I want his head up so he can see what's going on, and was looking for more suggestions to this kind. SmokeyXIII fucked around with this message at 05:36 on Dec 20, 2013 |
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Dec 20, 2013 05:30
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SmokeyXIII posted:They're okay but hes so squashed against me. Dude, do you carry your child at arm's length? Any carrier, properly adjusted, isn't going to 'squash' your child against you. It's going to hold your baby against you the same way that you should when you're holding him. Frame packs are meant for the type of outings you'd use a regular frame backpack/rucksack for (ALL DAY WALKING, or hiking) not for a trip to the grocery store.
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Dec 20, 2013 05:48
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Edit: Somehow a double post.
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Dec 20, 2013 06:03
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SmokeyXIII posted:Alistair is almost one year old and he has never ever stopped crying/screaming/groaning at us and my wife and I are more stressed out than we have ever been in our lives. We're just about ready to try cry it out (either the baby or us). What the hell can we do to make him not fuss. It may be teething idk but he's already got 7 teeth. Its like he uses screaming at us as his favored kind of communication. AAHHHH!!!! Slayer branded moby wrap. Make it happen.
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Dec 20, 2013 06:31
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Istari posted:Generally, we do not restart the timer, it's 4 minutes all up. But on one occasion, we decided to see how long she would keep it up, and we got over 50 minutes. She didn't even seem to notice; just kept laughing. You're not doing it right then. It's not just 4 minutes and if she gets up, oh well. It's 4 minutes total. If she gets up, it restarts. She went a long time once. Keep it up and eventually the time out game will get old for her. Being placed on time out over and over and over again until she sits for 4 minutes, no matter how long it takes to get to that 4 minutes. Effectively, you're making her sit for 5 seconds, letting her run around for 2 minutes and then she has to sit for 30 more seconds. That's not how timeout works. If she gets up, restart the timer. Explain to her it's being reset and will continue to be reset until she gives you 4 minutes total all at once. If it takes her an hour to do it all, that's HER issue. Let her know that. Dear Prudence fucked around with this message at 07:58 on Dec 20, 2013 |
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Dec 20, 2013 07:55
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SmokeyXIII posted:Alistair is almost one year old and he has never ever stopped crying/screaming/groaning at us and my wife and I are more stressed out than we have ever been in our lives. We're just about ready to try cry it out (either the baby or us). What the hell can we do to make him not fuss. It may be teething idk but he's already got 7 teeth. Its like he uses screaming at us as his favored kind of communication. AAHHHH!!!! I love my Ergo, which you can find in most brick and mortar stores, try out, and then return if you dislike it. It runs $120 in most places, and $60 at places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls in limited colors like camel and black. If you've tried an Ergo and don't like it, but like the idea, other ideas are a Tula, an ABC, and a Beco Gemini. Those are all available online, or possibly in crunchy parenting shops in your area. Those 3 all have wider seats, too. I'd avoid anything Bjorn, because they tend to hurt your back. Your baby is supposed to be squished against you, because if there's room to spare, he'll fall or climb out.  I'm not even going to touch the manliness comment OH MY GOD IM HOLDING MY OFFSPRING NOBODY LOOK Have you given him Tylenol or Motrin when he's in pain?
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Dec 20, 2013 14:45
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As a dad, if you're concerned about manliness, the legions of ladies who will squeal over your setup should set your mind at ease. No one is going to call you a sissy, and if they do just take your baby bean out and use them as a bar bell for some curls while you stare that guy dead in the eyes. I took Alex out in a Bjorn all the time (until she decided that it was totally embarrassing her oh my gawd dad I'm 8 months old STAHP IT!), and while it was weird the first time, I got over it pretty quick.
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Dec 20, 2013 15:37
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yeesh, he was clearly being a bit cheeky with his comment - I wouldn't get too worked up over it! In any case, I envy anyone who is actually able to get away with using one of those carriers. I have twins, so whenever I go out into the world solo with them I have to use our stroller since it is just far-and-away the easier of the two options. Hopefully one day we'll have a third child so that I can do all manner of unseemly and unmanly things with him or her!
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Dec 20, 2013 15:41
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If you're a man and out in public with a baby at all you're automatically amazing and the best dad ever who can do no wrong, in my experience. Being white might also factor into it. The difference between when I'm out alone with the baby and how I'm treated vs when my wife is out with the baby and how she is treated is ridiculous. One time Arthur didn't smile at some old lady and she said he was probably cold, reached into my wife's bag, grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his feet, to which he just gave her a stink eye, and she said "I thought he would smile at me! You have such a serious baby!"
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Dec 20, 2013 15:44
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SmokeyXIII posted:Also I want to get a back pack kind of thing to wear him in and at the same time maintain my manliness. Try a kokopax carrier! It's a framed baby backpack, and it comes in patterns which are pretty neutral. No skulls though. My partner loved ours, and wore it right up to the max baby weight limit of 35 lbs. I have a question about family finances. For those families with two parents working, how do you arrange how much and what either of you buy/pay for? And for those families with one income, who does the shopping/bill paying, and how do you reconcile the fact that one of you essentially has no money of your own? I didn't mean the second option to sound harsh, but it is the position that I find myself in right now. I have always worked since I was 12, but have stayed home with my daughter since she was born. I thought that my partner and I had an understanding about finances, however we got into an argument the other day and he shouted at me that I was spending all "his" money. I was shocked, because he doesn't want to do groceries or look after mundane things like making sure our daughter has underwear, etc. And, because, call me naive, I figured it was "our" money, because I'm also providing a service to the family, just unpaid. I'm always responsible with money, and I always bring receipts home, and file them, even though I'm not sure he's ever looked at them. The most frivolous thing I spend money on is lunch out with our daughter every couple of weeks. I also do all the meal planning, lunches and dinners, cleaning, laundry and childcare. (Oh, and his family are coming from across the country for Christmas, which I'm putting on, even though no one asked me if that was ok.) In the heat of the argument, I told my partner that I'm not spending another cent of "his" money from now until the end of January, and he can spend it however he wants. So he'll be finishing the Christmas shopping (or not) and doing the groceries (I hope) for a while. Already we have had some of the most unusual groceries I've ever seen pass into our kitchen. So, I'm still feeling pretty put out about his "my money" crack, and I have decided that I'm going to find a job in January, so I can have "my" money, too. This would be a complete upheaval in our schedule, and pretty challenging for me, because I can't physically perform the job I used to have and love, as a yoga/fitness instructor, because I've become essentially disabled since having my daughter. I have scoliosis and degenerative disc disease in my back and arthritis in my hands, feet and back. Eek, that sounds pretty horrible, but most days I can function fairly well, as long as I can rest intermittently and don't have to stay still for too long. I meditate, exercise, eat well and take very little medication, so it's mostly manageable, but I'm having a hard time deciding what to try to do for a reasonable income. I am also bilingual, have a BA, and plenty of good, if old, references. Anyways, I'm hoping parents with jobs will offer suggestions on finding something appropriate and working out scheduling, and parents who stay home will advise me on how you feel about money in general.
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Dec 20, 2013 17:38
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We both put half our paychecks in a joint account and half in our personal. All mortgage, groceries, utilities, and group stuff comes from the joint, while personal trips to restaurants, video games, or own clothes, etc come out of our personal accounts. I also have a fsa for daycare deducted from my paycheck. If you aren't working remember that daycare in the cheapest place in the country is at least $150 a week, and in a normal place up to like $400 or more, so you are providing important value to the household. Your money situation is of course going to be more stretched out over the holidays. Have you thought about physical therapy? I don't think it would be as intense on your body as fitness instructing, but I don't know what kind of additional training or school you'd have to have to get certified in such a thing. greatn fucked around with this message at 17:58 on Dec 20, 2013 |
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Dec 20, 2013 17:56
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Chandrika posted:
I'm in a similar situation as you, my partner works and I stay at home with the children and weirdly we were talking about this in the car home half an hour ago. In addition to his salary we also get tax credits and child benefits (benefits in the UK for families). All the money that comes in goes into shared accounts and we have two accounts - one for paying bills and one for weekly shopping/kids school money/general frittering. I sort out what goes where from both sources and my husband will not get involved with money at all, he won't even remember the pass number for the banking app I put on his phone for him because he'd rather phone me to ask if we have enough if he wants to spend anything out of normal. It makes life easier although it can be a bit frustrating (like when I had to pay bills and check account balances from the hospital when I was stuck there for weeks) and I'm sure it could look as though I am sponging off him. If I were you I would wait until you are both calm and have a serious conversation about the best way to handle money. People say really lovely things sometimes that they don't mean at all. If you do decide that both of you working is the best thing for the family and you find something that works in with your health and childcare requirements don't get stuck paying all of the expenses related to the children. That's something I see a lot of in couples with children I know who don't have shared finances. greatn posted:We both put half our paychecks in a joint account and half in our personal. All mortgage, groceries, utilities, and group stuff comes from the joint, while personal trips to restaurants, video games, or own clothes, etc come out of our personal accounts. That was my original plan but when my husband went to the bank to set up the direct debit he got confused about something and decided it would be less hassle to get his boss to pay his wages into the joint account. Once he'd done that it made more sense to pay my salary in too (that's when I was still working) and use my old account as the spending money account after adding him on.
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Dec 20, 2013 18:45
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hookerbot 5000 posted:If I were you I would wait until you are both calm and have a serious conversation about the best way to handle money. People say really lovely things sometimes that they don't mean at all. If you do decide that both of you working is the best thing for the family and you find something that works in with your health and childcare requirements don't get stuck paying all of the expenses related to the children. That's something I see a lot of in couples with children I know who don't have shared finances. This, exactly. Everyone has at some time said something mean and untrue. If he was just doing that, no problem, he can apologize and you can move on. If he meant it, you need to have a few calm talks during a naptime. I used to work retail while my husband make 5x my salary (I made nothing). At that time, he paid for all the bills and I used my money for groceries and fun surprises for us both, Christmas shopping, things like that. He paid for us when we were out. If I needed more money, he gave it to me, and if he needed cash, he grabbed it from my wallet. It wasn't really mine or his, which is how we liked it. Now I stay at home with our toddler and he still works. I'm on his debit and my credit card statement goes to both our emails. He still pays for everything, and sticks cash in my wallet every few weeks so I can use it in places where debit's not accepted (library, mom to mom sales), so I don't have to bother stopping by an ATM. We don't really have rules about what to buy, but I'm both cheap and talkative, so he hears about everything. We definitely talk before huge purchases, but we did that before too. I do grocery shopping sometimes, and he does it if I haven't gotten a chance to. I think he once referred to it jokingly as his money, I got massively pissed, and he realized that I didn't think it was funny and apologized.
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Dec 20, 2013 18:59
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I'm a stay-at-home mom and honestly would be pretty pissed if my husband shouted at me about spending "his" money in taking care of the household. Being a stay-at-home parent IS a job, one that I think is thankless a lot of the time by people who have never actually done it. Thankfully my husband has never questioned me about spending money, but if it's an issue maybe how greatn handles money would work for you and your partner.
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Dec 20, 2013 19:05
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If you're married, is there really such thing as "his" and "your" money? Especially if you're a stay-at-home mom, I think in a divorce settlement you would actually be awarded significantly more of the assets because of your diminished earning potential. My wife and I have separate checking and retirement accounts, and a "joint" credit card that I just pay off every month because it's easier than trying to trade back and forth. I pay our mortgage while she pays for daycare. I definitely end up paying significantly more of our expenses each month, but it doesn't matter because legally nothing is mine alone.
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Dec 20, 2013 19:08
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I am a stay at home father and, so far, my wife and I have been spared the money argument. We have shared a joint bank account since we were engaged five years back and it has never really been a problem for us, in fact I think it helps to save money since it makes us think twice before buying something we may not necessarily need.
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Dec 20, 2013 19:13
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A dear friend of mine has a 10-week-old baby who was born with esophageal atresia, type B--there are about 8 cm between the end of his esophagus and the top of his stomach. It's bad enough that he will have to go to Boston to have a special treatment done so that the condition can be corrected soon (rather than having to wait a year, during which time he can only eat via feeding tube and can't go home), and he has a lot of complicating factors. They have good insurance, but they live in Texas and if they can't raise money they'll have to drop him off in Boston and come get him when he's had the surgery. Obviously not a great situation. They have had to move several times in the last few years and are financially pretty much tapped out. She has set up a GoFundMe--would it be okay if I posted the link in the thread? (Or on the Facebook group, if that's more acceptable?) We raised over $4000 in 2 days with it, but it's a drop in the bucket of what they will need.
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Dec 20, 2013 19:28
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https://www.owletcare.com We just ordered one of these for my week old daughter who has Wolff Parkinson Whyte syndrome - we have to monitor her heart rate every couple of hours and using a stethoscope at 4AM is pretty brutal. On one hand I think we are being over-cautious and people are going to say we are going too far...but on the other hand the simplicity and benefit to us this provides is worth its weight. Do I think parents with normal babies need this? Probably not. Given our circumstances though...am I being crazy?
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Dec 20, 2013 20:19
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Chandrika posted:I have a question about family finances. For those families with two parents working, how do you arrange how much and what either of you buy/pay for? And for those families with one income, who does the shopping/bill paying, and how do you reconcile the fact that one of you essentially has no money of your own? I didn't mean the second option to sound harsh, but it is the position that I find myself in right now. I know everyone works things out differently for themselves, but once married (or committed or whatever), I never understood "his and her" monies or who pays what bills. You are married; you are a family. It's all the whole family's money. It's all the whole family's bills. I don't even have the mentality of not having "my own" money (my husband earns all). Even when we were both working FT pre-kids, he out earned me by at least double, and it was still all our money. I pay all the bills, always have. I do any shuffling or adjusting that needs to be done with automatic deposits or whatever with our accounts/investments. I do all the household shopping, and that includes any needs that the kids have as well as all holiday needs. I am Santa and the Easter Bunny exclusively. I don't ask him permission to shop, and he in no way wants me to or limits me. Because, I am a Big Girl and can mind our money, (I don't come home with Coach bags or Jimmy Choos after all!) and we trust each other completely. We're in this together, after all. If I needlessly shop, and can't pay the bills, our whole family suffers. We are a collective, and operate under that mentality. The needs of the family as a whole unit come first. This is not to say we've never had an argument about money, or the disparity in our earning, but I can literally only think of twice in 13 years we've had a big row about it. The last time even gets referred to jokingly now as The gently caress You Heard Round The World for how loudly I shouted that at him. Occasional bumps in the road are par for the course. Like Hookerbot said, if your husband said that in the heat of an argument, and that hasn't been a theme, we all say things we don't really mean sometimes. However, I really do agree that you two should have some calm discussions about what each of you are feeling, what is going on, and how much work it really is to stay home all the time (not to mention the added mental/emotional aspect of it). You both are contributing differently to your family, but both contributions are vital. It sounds like you two are operating under the mine vs yours mentality. Deciding to get a job for spite, just to show him and have "your" money, isn't a good decision making process and does nothing to help the underlying conflict. What's the end game there? Arguing about who pays for what out of whose money every time? Plus the upheaval to your household, and potentially negatively impacting your health? Just like boycotting the shopping, (although I totally understand feeling hurt and why you did that in the heat of the moment), doesn't really help anything either. If he's that clueless about grocery prices and the household food needs, make lists together and have a few family shopping trips. In conclusion, much calm communication between the two of you, and no rash decisions made without thinking them through jointly. Good luck!
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Dec 20, 2013 20:37
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Not if your baby has a heart condition.
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Dec 20, 2013 20:38
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My husband and I have had joint finances for ages. Years before we were married even. Any large purchase (say, more than $100) is discussed between the 2 of us, and we always have a discussion every month about what bills are paid, where the bank balance is sitting, etc etc. I stay at home since we had my son 3 years ago, and if he seriously gave me poo poo about "his money" I'd probably have his head examined. We are partners. I'm not his subservient wife. The money is for the benefit of our family, not just me or him.
Chickalicious fucked around with this message at 21:19 on Dec 20, 2013 |
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Dec 20, 2013 21:17
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The my money thing would piss me off too, but like others have said this is a communication issue more than its a money issue. Everyone needs and deserves the opportunity to make themselves happy and for a lot of that self of self worth and respect is work and money derived. It's a big quandary for the stay at home parents because this job can be frustrating as gently caress and the pay is poo poo. At some point though you have to evaluate what is going to make you happy because money aside, a happy parent working is better for the kids than an unhappy parent at home. Yea the kids come first, but you set the tenor of the home environment and tie happiness is intrinsically tied to theirs and their emotional development. There's no really right answer here but know that there are other people in your position and if it helps to talk it out with others with similar challenges but different perspectives, were here.
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Dec 20, 2013 22:20
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I'm a stay-at-home mom and handle all of our financials, so my husband is more likely to ask me if he can buy something given I know the state of affairs. It's definitely "our" money and, since I'm not 100% thrilled staying home, there is especially no way he would ever pull the "his" money crap.
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Dec 20, 2013 23:17
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Chandrika I'm confused, do you as a family unit actually need more money or is it quibbling over the fact that money didn't actually go through his fingers as it was spent? I've heard lots of reasons for going back to work but I have to say I have never heard of anyone going back to work because one partner thinks their salary shouldn't go towards groceries. I'm not sure that would solve your problem, anyway. For example, let's say your kid wants to take a gymnastics class. Would your partner consider that taking his money? If you were working, would it come out of "your" money or "his"? Honestly, that would be incredibly hurtful to me because it's negating all the work that goes into watching children - plus it sounds like you're supposed to be requesting an allowance or something. You're not the nanny or an errant child, you're the mother of his child and an adult capable of making decisions.
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Dec 21, 2013 00:54
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MarshallX posted:https://www.owletcare.com I think that's perfect for your situation.
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Dec 21, 2013 00:54
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I realized I forgot you were asking how other people handled it: we used to have separate finances but made a joint account when we got married (well before kids) and magically ever argument or disagreement we ever had about money went away. Also, my husband has a PhD and although he had stipends and grants, mostly in his field he could only get loans. Instead of going into heavy debt I was the breadwinner for the years it took him to finish. I never thought of my salary as MY money, we were a team investing in his education so that he could turn around and get a lucrative job. I suggest looking into childcare costs before going back to work to at least have a realistic handle on the whole financial situation.
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Dec 21, 2013 01:02
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When do you take a baby to the dentist for the first time? I've got a 14 month old with 6 teeth that screams bloody murder when his grandfather (licensed barber) gives him a haircut. So I don't see a dentist visit going very well. When I got my teeth cleaned this week they said once a baby has teeth he should come into the dentist.
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Dec 21, 2013 06:23
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