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quote:(I work as a manure scooper in a grocery store. We sell Pepsi products, but not Coke.) Clicked and entered poo poo before reading all the other goon responses. Oh christ, my sides hurt. Should we put one on NAR and see if it gets accepted?
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Dec 27, 2013 18:10
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Missing Name posted:Clicked and entered poo poo before reading all the other goon responses. Oh christ, my sides hurt. Should we put one on NAR and see if it gets accepted? Even better: submit them all, and see how many are accepted.
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Dec 27, 2013 20:41
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vxskud posted:Persona is a great series but I can easily see how people wouldn't be able to get into it. Maybe you should just go back to Call of Duty, illiterate casual.  The story gets funnier when you realize there's only like one Call of Duty game for the Vita and a lot of the available titles are some variation of JRPG. So I find it hard to believe that someone would get a Vita if they weren't into games like that at all.
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Dec 27, 2013 22:06
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I do wish there were more sandbox RPGs for portable systems.  I'm with you, Dude Who Doesn't Exist. Who's going to port Morrowind to the Vita?
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Dec 27, 2013 23:43
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Kimmalah posted:Maybe you should just go back to Call of Duty, illiterate casual. Nonsense. I've got a Vita with plenty of good games and i'm not really into JRPGs. Here's a story: quote:
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Dec 28, 2013 00:39
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Is that a parody? I'm so caught up in Poe's Law I can't tell anymore.
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Dec 28, 2013 00:50
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Wandle Cax posted:Nonsense. I've got a Vita with plenty of good games and i'm not really into JRPGs. Well I'm not saying that's all there is, but there's a whole lot of them for the Vita.
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Dec 28, 2013 01:17
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(I work as a [poorly regarded position] in a grocery store. We sell Pepsi products, but not Coke.) Customer: Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where the Coke is? Me: [needless honorific], I'm afraid we don't have Coke in this store. Customer: You [expletive deleted]! You're lying! Me: No, I'm afraid we simply don't sell it. Customer: I can't believe this! You [expletive deleted][Popular soft drink]! I want to speak to your manager! (My manager has been waiting in the shadows the whole time, holding back a [serious medical complaint].) Manager: Can I help you? Customer: This [redacted] [Private place] tells me you don't sell Pepsi! I want a refund! Manager: No. (The customer totally [Popular Japanese Animal]s out and throws a [popular coconut snack] at the manager. He calls for security. As they drag the customer out, he yells [like on popular TV show].) Customer: You butt[Particular memorabilia item]! I'll kill your [Popular parental figure] for this! You'll regret this for [Less than 3] years! (After this happened, my manager promoted me to [Disrespected position]! Also, we've been married for [more than 3] years now. We have a child, [That TV Show]!)   [expletive deleted]
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Dec 28, 2013 02:06
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Christo posted:This is probably the most STDH.txt thing that's showed up on my facebook feed in recent memory. i'm angry just reading that, gently caress i hate dr who fans
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Dec 28, 2013 02:47
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They're probably old now, but what the heck. (I work as a butt inspector in a grocery store. We sell Pepsi products, but not Coke.) Customer: Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where the Coke is? Me: your majesty, I'm afraid we don't have Coke in this store. Customer: You d****! You're lying! Me: No, I'm afraid we simply don't sell it. Customer: I can't believe this! You pisswizard! I want to speak to your manager! (My manager has been waiting in the shadows the whole time, holding back a butt scrunch.) Manager: Can I help you? Customer: This flyyyy appendix tells me you don't sell Pepsi! I want a refund! Manager: No. (The customer totally tiki tiki birds out and throws a squeezy cheese at the manager. He calls for security. As they drag the customer out, he yells jubilantly.) Customer: You buttgun! I'll kill your 3rd cousin for this! You'll regret this for 990 years! (After this happened, my manager promoted me to vice viceroy! Also, we've been married for 991 years now. We have a child, bacon lube!)
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Dec 28, 2013 10:04
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RillAkBea posted:They're probably old now, but what the heck. I laughed so hard at "butt inspector." 
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Dec 28, 2013 12:41
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I cut out a large chunk in the middle cause it got very tedious. Bolding is his.quote:I’m going to write this up because with the new influx of people I think it’s worth seeing a textbook “by the points” example of RP in action. Notes are in bold. massive spider has a new favorite as of 12:54 on Dec 28, 2013 |
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Dec 28, 2013 12:49
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massive douchebag posted:I'm a fat forty-year-old who wears printed tee shirts but I could be banging hot college chicks every night if I tried e: vv Well PUA tactics are based on trying to turn dating into a D&D campaign with magic spells and experience points. Djeser has a new favorite as of 13:34 on Dec 28, 2013 |
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Dec 28, 2013 13:18
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I didn't make it through the whole thing but I like how the beginning sounds more like he's describing his D&D character than a real person.
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Dec 28, 2013 13:22
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guy who could like, bang any chick he wanted if he cared posted:Me: 40+, Tall, Bulky (I lift), have a pooch on my belly I thought he was talking about some situation where he had a dog sat on his stomach. what does "a pooch on my belly" mean?
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Dec 28, 2013 19:13
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winegums posted:I thought he was talking about some situation where he had a dog sat on his stomach. what does "a pooch on my belly" mean? It means he has a gut and looks like a fat dad.
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Dec 28, 2013 19:17
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winegums posted:I thought he was talking about some situation where he had a dog sat on his stomach. what does "a pooch on my belly" mean?
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Dec 28, 2013 19:18
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There is a fat dog on his stomach. A pooch with a paunch.
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Dec 28, 2013 19:38
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He was wearing a Marmaduke T-shirt.
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Dec 28, 2013 19:46
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quote:Me: 40+, Tall, Bulky (I lift), have a pooch on my belly. I wear cargo pants (usually stained), printed Ts (usually gaming/guns/snark as the print), and boots. My presentation is 75% rugged/25% rakish. This guy seems obsessed with letting us know how stained his clothes are. Real men don't have the deft motor controls not to drip soup down them. Only 25% rakish? 
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Dec 28, 2013 21:15
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So he's an obnoxious fat middle-aged man who doesn't do laundry and probably doesn't shower (I'm guessing that's what 'rugged' is code for, 'rakish' probably means 'has a stupid moustache') loving irresistable, am I right ladies
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Dec 28, 2013 21:38
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I guess that he got his hole for the first time off a skag whore at the bar he talks about. Then decided to dress up the story a little.
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Dec 28, 2013 21:58
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vaguely posted:So he's an obnoxious fat middle-aged man who doesn't do laundry and probably doesn't shower (I'm guessing that's what 'rugged' is code for, 'rakish' probably means 'has a stupid moustache') I'm betting 'rakish' means 'has a jacket with blood stains all over it and doesn't explain why'.
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Dec 29, 2013 01:21
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Djeser posted:I'm betting 'rakish' means 'has a jacket with blood stains all over it and doesn't explain why'. Rakish = reenacted the Sideshow Bob rake scene from The Simpsons as a young child and has the face to prove it?
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Dec 29, 2013 01:36
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Djeser posted:I'm betting 'rakish' means 'has a jacket with blood stains all over it and doesn't explain why'. FYI, a "rake" is an old term for a charming scoundrel, something like the modern "bad boy." The term (short for "rakehell") refers to how they're going to rake the coals in Hell after they die. Rakes are especially well known for seducing and abandoning women, but they're also supposed to be fashionable, which doesn't sound like this guy.
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Dec 29, 2013 02:35
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vaguely posted:So he's an obnoxious fat middle-aged man who doesn't do laundry and probably doesn't shower (I'm guessing that's what 'rugged' is code for, 'rakish' probably means 'has a stupid moustache') real life @dad_boner spotted.
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Dec 29, 2013 04:27
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A while back someone posted a story about a lad buying a doll for his dying sister. There is [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpkI7GW2V34]a song version/url]. I'm told it was a big deal at its time, but I'd never heard of it, and I wouldn't let you fellows be robbed of it, either. Give it a listen; it's not only amazing, it's apparently also 100% unironic.
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Dec 29, 2013 05:19
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That song played on the radio all the drat time around Christmas in the early 2000s and I knew what it was gonna be as soon as I clicked it. Unlike real poo poo that didn't happen.txt, that song probably isn't prefaced with "based on a true story" though.
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Dec 29, 2013 08:04
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One in the pipe.  To quote someone on another forum: You might be able to tuna pair of headphones, but you can't tuna fish.
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Dec 29, 2013 10:35
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I like how he says his daughter was crying and then reinforces that she had tears in her eyes.
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Dec 29, 2013 10:35
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Yeah, that one actually happened. http://q13fox.com/2013/12/25/family-opens-christmas-gift-expecting-headphones-gets-canned-tuna/ The story even had a good ending! Beats sent the girl back a pair of headphones, after Wal-Mart screwed the pooch.
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Dec 29, 2013 10:43
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I'm guessing the tuna cans got in there as part of a refund scam (to give the box some weight) and the contents were never checked before it went back on sale.
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Dec 29, 2013 10:48
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Pththya-lyi posted:FYI, a "rake" is an old term for a charming scoundrel, something like the modern "bad boy." The term (short for "rakehell") refers to how they're going to rake the coals in Hell after they die. Rakes are especially well known for seducing and abandoning women, but they're also supposed to be fashionable, which doesn't sound like this guy. This is the only other place I've ever heard it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5H5r4_CoJo
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Dec 29, 2013 11:53
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RillAkBea posted:I'm guessing the tuna cans got in there as part of a refund scam (to give the box some weight) and the contents were never checked before it went back on sale. Or stolen at the factory or shipping facility? I vaguely remember this happening before with an iPod and a bunch of Irish Spring.
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Dec 29, 2013 12:22
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Dr_Amazing posted:This is the only other place I've ever heard it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5H5r4_CoJo How bout this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM1NuFhXhgA
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Dec 29, 2013 15:11
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There was also that not-Slenderman creepypasta a while back about a monster called the Rake, whose appearance is much closer to our STDH-star's than whatever he's imagining when he uses the word.
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Dec 29, 2013 15:16
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I love that Beats-tuna dad clarified that his daughter couldn't even enjoy the tuna as she's allergic to it.
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Dec 29, 2013 17:57
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Kajeesus posted:A while back someone posted a story about a lad buying a doll for his dying sister. Patton Oswalt had some fun with that song once, then someone animated his standup bit about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY
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Dec 29, 2013 18:01
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CJacobs posted:One in the pipe. I'd believe this, happens pretty often (though usually not with tuna).
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Dec 29, 2013 19:12
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movax posted:I'd believe this, happens pretty often (though usually not with tuna). Do companies really not check the contents of a refund box? I figured it would be the opposite, and they would search high and low to avoid having to dish one out.
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Dec 29, 2013 19:45
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