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saberwulf
Mar 3, 2009

Pipe rifles and snack cakes.
RECRUITMENT CLOSED. PLAYTHREAD HERE.

Through darkness and hardship they fight...

Overcoming the impossible and slaying the immortal...

To emerge victorious and ascend into legend...

It's the night you've been waiting for...






"That's right! We're back with the number one hack and slash sensation, Duuuuuungeon Attack! Broadcasting live from the Iskalat Octagon in the wonderful City of Brass! I'm your handsomely immortal host Nikolai Wyvernjack, and folks, I haven't seen a tournament this fired up in decades! The cheer of the crowd is absolutely insane; just listen to that energy! I can feel that Dungeon Attack flame building tonight, and folks, it makes the endless seas of life-snuffing lava surrounding me look like a vacation to Icewind Dale.



And what a gorgeous city to set tonight's game in; Loving those waterfalls of molten brass! But viewers, I can feel the tension reaching its boiling point. In just a moment, hundreds of brave adventurers will face an onslaught of savage foes, wicked traps, deadly dungeons, and high octane games, all recorded live and sponsored by your favorite brands! But before blades swing and spells sling, remember those ancient words of our founder:

Ex pertinacia fortitudo, ex fortitudine fama et victoria.

This is Nikolai Wyvernjack for DSPN, live at the Pepsi-Cola Games in the City of Brass! LUDI INCIPIANT!

— — —

Welcome back to DUNGEON MOTHERFUCKING ATTACK! It's been a long time, but the fantasy 1990's are back and even more :megaman::krad::pcgaming:XXXTREME::pcgaming::krad::megaman: than last time!



Dungeon Attack is a standard fantasy world infused with so much distilled energy of the 90's it shits legwarmers. Your 1+ longsword is branded by Nike, the Spice Girls include a Baatezu and an Owlbear, and that ratty old wizard's robe has been replaced with polyester shirts, Zubaz, and enchanted slap bracelets. Dungeon Attack is XCrawl for the new, retro age, and you're the gaudy, frozen-haired, corp-sponsored punks who are about to barge into it and mince up some goblins for a new car. If you're lucky, you might just even wind up in All-Star Hall.

Otherwise the setting's pretty much blank. Through play we'll fill out the details and see just what this strange, terribly dressed universe is really like.



I'm looking for 4-5 characters at level 1. I'm open to most every playbook, community or not, so feel free to experiment. Due to holidays and such, recruitment will be open until Monday, January 6th.

In addition, remember that just because it's the fantasy 90's, it's not required that your character be 90's as poo poo. In the end, the only thing I really encourage is Diversity. There is no way to my heart faster than people who make diverse characters, so if you've been wanting to play an orc Sikh Paladin or that wheelchair-bound Elvish warlock (kids lover her) then now's your chance!

Also, homebrew! Homebrew everything! I want to see Quiksilver scale armor, Microsoft spell tomes, Stratocaster bards, and so many loving Air Jordans you're drowning in them! Though on an important equipment note: No guns. Guns are banned in legal DA circuits, so unless you've traveled to fantasy Thailand and are shooting at AK-wielding goblins on the หลุมฝังศพ circuit, don't bother with them.



Characters have just hit bronze league, which means the first real money. You've fought hard (or not, if you're just some corp scrub) to get here, and the Pepsi-Cola Games are the first step towards the big time tournaments, and eventually All-Star Hall in the Astral Sea. This means that you have a sponsor, large or small, that's entrusting their stock in your performance. Their logos are all over you like racing liveries, you're on their advertisements, and it's in your contract to thank them on live TV if you win gold.

I'd like each character to make a sponsor. Give me a quick outline of them— Name, Industry, and why they chose you to be one their branded crawlers for the Pepsi-Cola Games. Logos aren't needed, but feel free to make one if you want.



No matter what, Dungeon Attack comes down to one goal: Fame. Fame means better sponsors, money, flashy spelljammers, and an androgynous merman under each arm. Fame means you, immortalized forever like a god, and certainly being treated like one. There's two ways to get Fame in Dungeon Attack:

A Face is your average good guy. Teamwork, sportsmanship, and listening to the sponsors is his deal. He gets Fame by helping his teammates, keeping up appearances, and getting on a box of Wighties. Doesn't mean he can't be cocky, but if he starts beating up defenseless kobolds or being an rear end in a top hat, he'll be waiting tables in no time.

A Heel is a douchebag. Blowing holes in the Dungeon scenery, suplexing the DJ, and calling the Tiefling cop who just pulled you over Handlehead are all how she gains Fame. Being a Heel is about walking a fine line between being the biggest bag of dicks you can be, and getting arrested for vomiting on the Queen at the awards ceremony.

Crawlers have been known to switch sides, some boosting their fame in the process, but it's uncommon and difficult to pull off.

So what are you waiting for? Grab your gear and get in there, crawler— You've got a dungeon to attack.

saberwulf fucked around with this message at 00:48 on Jan 10, 2014

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Electric Hobo
Oct 22, 2008


Grimey Drawer
This sounds awesome. And this guy pretty much wrote himself.

Vanilloideae Icer (called Icer)



"Mr. Icer! Mr. Icer! I have a question! Why did MixMasterTM choose to sponsor you? You're practically unknown in the Dungeon Attack circuit."
"Well. We thought.." the MixMasterTM representative manages to say before Vanilloideae Icer pushes him back into his chair with a look of barely contained contempt.
"Shut up, suit boy." he says, before turning to the journalists. "They signed me because I'm the best! Because anyone can see that I'm the next champion! That makes me the obvious choice for spokesman for MixMasterTM's new line of BattleBoxesTM!"
The large man reaches under the table and produces a massive, blade covered boombox. The various pointy parts slice right through the table as he slams the device unto it.
"A reinforced cabinet, covered with tempered steel blades for my direct-killing needs! Room for 6 tapes at once for all my mixing needs."
He quickly inserts 6 tapes into the machine with quick, precise movements, and plugs in a headset and a microphone.
"I plug in my BattleScreamerTM and my BattleMixerTM, and I'm ready for anything! Listen to this!"
He quickly winds or rewinds all 6 tapes to specific places, then plays them at specific intervals while he sing-screams into his microphone. A tile falls out of the ceiling, a few journalists chip their teeth, and the MixMasterTM representative passes out.
"THAT is why MixMasterTM signed me!" says Iced, when he finally stopped producing noises. "Any more questions? How about you little lady? And the woman next to you? How about a private Q and A?" he said, smiling sleazily.


Strength 12 +1
Dexterity 8 -1
Constitution 13 +1
Intelligence 9 +0
Wisdom 15 +1
Charisma 16 +2

HP 21/21
Damage: D6

Class: Not quite a bard
ALIGNMENT:
Heel:
Put yourself before the group.
Grab ALL the fame for yourself!

RACE:
Half human/half troll:
The best (or worst) of both worlds!
You're slightly grotesque appearance makes humans dislike you. Your slightly human appearance makes trolls dislike you.
You are a little more intimidating and other half-breeds tend to like you better.

MOVES:
Arcane Art

Bardic Lore:
Grand Histories Brands of the Known World

Charming and Open Playing the Heel
A Port in the Storm

Load 3/9

GEAR:
MixMasterTM brand 6-Tape BattleBoxTM Crawlers Edition (close, 2 weight)
MixMasterTM brand BattleScreamerTM Effects Microphone
MixMasterTM brand BattleMixerTM Headset
MixMasterTM brand Extra Effect TapesTM (for mixing) (1 weight)
Polyester outfit in the MixMasterTM Brand Colors with logos everywhere (0 weight)

SPONSOR:
MixMasterTM - For the Audiophile Warrior
MixMasterTM is a pretty new player on the already heavily saturated market for hilariously oversized ghetto-blasters and accessories. Their strategy is to appeal to adventurers and psychos with their new and innovative BattleBoxTM line of quality products.
The best way to promote a new product in this category, is to sponsor an up and coming Dungeon Attack star and just hope that he makes it to the top. It's a real gamble for the, as of now, 10 man company to pick up the sponsorship of Vanilloideae Icer, but you gotta be willing to risk it all if you're ever really gonna win big.

Electric Hobo fucked around with this message at 10:44 on Jan 3, 2014

QuantumNinja
Mar 8, 2013

Trust me.
I pretend to be a ninja.
Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms
The Goblin "Knight"



Kag grew up in the roughest areas of Torreck, the goblin city. Where he's from, either you gang up or die in the streets, so he opted for the first one. He started hanging out with the the Devil Comets, a local go-gang, by age 12. They mostly moved illegal drugs, but everything from Goldenroot imports to backroom card games fell under their purview. Kag got himself patched in at the ripe age of 16, and quickly made a name for himself with his violence and the fact that he'd never back down from a fight. Soon enough, he was the Sergeant at Arms for the club, managing internal disputes and keeping the discipline however he saw fit.

When Dungeon Attack started up, Kag decided it'd be one hell of a way to further his career---and his income. So he contacted Velocita, the mage manufacturing group that made his gang's street wolves, and convinced the PR rep to get him a meeting with a manager. Well, of course, he showed up with enough rude boys to get something in writing that very day, and now he's in! Velocita even had some of their wizards build him a ferocious Street-Wolf Custom, "Brainer", to ride in the games.

Now he's loaded up, kitted out, and ready to raise some hell.

Looks
Kag has some intense eyes to go with his punk-rock, cropped hair. He wears a worn cloak beaten-up leather jacket with his go-gang's patch on the back, which he's rocked since they'd let him. He's got's a thin body, but more than one of his opponents preferred the phrase "wiry".

Stats
Str: 15 (+1)
Dex: 12 (+0)
Con: 16 (+2)
Int: 8 (-1)
Wis: 9 (+0)
Cha: 13 (+1)
HP: 26/26
Dmg: d10

Moves

- Goblin. Your mount is small enough that you can easily ride it indoors.
- Armored. You can ignore the clumsy tag on armor you wear.
- Combat Tactics Go-Gang Leader. When you and your allies work together toward a specific goal in combat, roll+CHA. On a 10+ pick 3, on a 7-9 pick 1. An ally gains +1d4 damage forward, an ally gains +1 Armor forward, or an ally may travel through dangerous circumstances without defying danger.
- Knightly Order "Biker" Gang: Order of the Blade. Bonus: When you challenge a worthy foe to a fight they must accept or you gain +1 ongoing against them. Tenet: Bravery (you must never flee from combat).
- Faithful Steed Furious Ride.

Velocita Street-Wolf Custom, "Brainer"

Load 10, Ferocious (When attacking with Hack n Slash from your Steed, deal 2 additional damage.)

Alignment: Evil (Kill a defenseless or surrendered enemy.)

Gear
Load: 10/13
- Dungeon Rations Power Bars (5 use, 1 weight)
- GreyDragon™ Scale Armor (2 armor, 3 weight)
- Banner of the Devil Comets: Kag wears the devil comet's kutte: a glowing-red comet with a devil climbing out of it, hurling downward.
- McDemon™ Spear (reach, +1 damage, two-handed, 2 weight)
- Ragged GreatValu Bow (near, 2 weight)
- Bundle of Arrows (3 ammo, 1 weight)
- RopeNStuff Adventuring Supplies (5 Use, 1 weight)

Bonds
- I fear for Grizztle McThornbody's ability to survive in battle.
- Riot is an an honorable ally is freaking awesome , they have earned my trust would make a great Devil Comet.
- I have heard stories of Bulette Blood's bravery epic savagery before.
- _______________ dissed the Devil Comets, I must show them the way.
I'm going to leave this one open until it happens IC.

Sponsor


Velocita makes rides: they started out breeding and selling fast horses, but then they bought out the Speed and Fury Research Group, which was full of mages that made all kinds of strange creatures, and put the wizards to work making better animals to ride. Now every major city has a Velocita shop, where you can get your pick of wolves, horses, elephants, and tigers to ride, available in a myriad of colors, chromes, and custom markings.

To join the Devil Comets, you have to ride a Velocita, and it's gotta be well-kept. Kag loaned his old ride, a large lizard called "Slider", to a Devil Comets prospect when Velocita delivered his new one, fresh from their kennels.

QuantumNinja fucked around with this message at 11:41 on Jan 24, 2014

Bucnasti
Aug 14, 2012

I'll Fetch My Sarcasm Robes
Aristotle Atom
Super Intelligent Ape Artificer

Story
“Hello folks, this is Aristotle Atom here to tell you about the latest offerings from Craftsmage Tools.”
“Back when I lived in the Jungle Tree City of Tybor-Re we didn’t have access to the yearly Craftsmage Tools catalog, instead we had to make our own tools from sticks and stones. Let me tell you I don’t miss those days.”
“Gone are my days of scribing runes with a sharpened piece of antelope bone, now I can utilize a Craftsmage brand Pyro-Stylus rune scriber which will inscribe runes on wood, stone or even metal in moments.”
“And I’ll never have to settle for inaccurate measurements from clay bowls and jars now that I have my Craftmage brand stay-tight alchemy containment system, nothing can hold a potion as well as stay-tight.”
“So whether you’re a Witch, a Wizard, or a world class artificer like myself, contact us today to get the latest Craftsmage Catalog sent directly to your door.”


Look

Aristotle is a large gorilla with curious eyes, a slightly pudgy body and spikey hair all over his body. Outside the arena he is usually seen wearing three-piece suits of a somewhat antiquated cut, while in the arena he wears a custom made Craftsmage red hydra leather coverall. He wears wire rimmed reading glasses when working on small or delicate items, and is able to use his hands and feet with equal dexterity to manipulate devices.

Stats
Strength - 15
Dexterity - 13
Constitution - 9
Intelligence - 16
Wisdom - 8
Charisma - 12

Alignment - Chaotic/Face - Use a Gadget in a new and surprising way that it wasn't meant for.

Damage - 1d8
Hit Points - 13
Armor 0+1

Moves
Human(ish) - You have one more gadget than whatever your moves tell you.

Gadget Belt - You have a Gadget Belt containing *4* Arcane Gadgets. All Gadgets are 1 weight and have a Range tag, if appropriate. For each Gadget you own, pick one from each list:
  • Electrical, Magnetic, Cryogenic, Ectoplasmic, Steam, Pyromatic, Clockwork, Alchemic
  • Beam, Propulsion, Emitter, Field, Shielding, Defuser, Amplification, Explosion, Reversal
  • Glove, Torch, Device, Belt, Flasks, Goggles, Rod, Cannon, Boots, Golem, Trinkets, Suit
  • Piercing 2, Forceful, +2 Armor vs ___, Alternate movement (___), Elemental (___)
When you take a short break to recharge and fine-tune your Gadgets, set your Charge to 3. This Charge is used to power your Gadgets.

When you use one of your Gadgets as a Weapon, you can spend 1-Charge to roll +INT instead of +STR or +DEX. When you use one of your Gadgets to Volley, if you would mark ammo, spend 1-Charge instead.

When you have less than *four* gadgets or want to replace one of your existing gadgets for any reason, you can make a replacement by spending a day or so in a workshop.

Field Test (INT) - When you use one of your Gadgets to get out of a tight spot, describe what it does and roll +INT. On a hit, it works as expected, but choose 1. On a 7-9, choose 2 instead:
• The Gadget's effects won't last long - you'll need to hurry to take advantage of it.
• The Gadget draws unwanted attention or puts someone in a spot.
• The Gadget is damaged. You can repair it, but it will take some time and concentration.
• The Gadget drains your reserves - spend 1 Charge.

Jury-Rig (INT) - When you quickly fix, repurpose, or fabricate a device on the spot, describe what you're doing with it and roll +INT. On a 10+, it'll hold together just as long as you need it to.

On a 7-9, choose one:
  • It'll work, but not for long. You'll need to hurry to take advantage of it.
  • It works, but there's a weird quirk or complication to it.
  • It'll work, but it needs some juice. Spend 1 Charge.

Let Me See That - When you take a few moments to handle or examine something interesting, ask the GM two of the following questions. The GM must answer truthfully.
  • What does this do?
  • Who made this?
  • What’s wrong with this, and how might I fix it?
  • What has been done most recently with this, or to this?

Bonds:
TBD

Gear:
Craftsmage Cryogenic Beam Cannon (near, Element(ice) 1 weight)
Craftsmage Clockwork Amplification Gloves (Hand, Alternate Movement (wall walking), 1 weight)
Craftsmage Magnetic Emitter Belt (+2 armor vs Projectiles, 1 weight)
Craftsmage Telescoping Electrical Field Rod (hand, forceful, 1 weight)
Craftsmage “Mastermage” Toolkit
Craftsmage Shopmaster authentic hydra leather coverall (1 armor, 1 weight)
Killton (a Craftsmage brand) Artificer and Alchemist Shop guide deluxe set (bag of books 5 uses, 2 weight)

Sponsor:



Craftsmage tools is the largest manufacturer of Thaumaturgical, Evocational and Artifacing tools and equipment in the known realms.The Craftsmage catalog includes everything a Wizard, Warlock or Witch needs from simple cauldrons to ride-on arcano-spirit translocation armillary spheres. Craftsmage has it all and provides a lifetime reconjuring guarantee.

Bucnasti fucked around with this message at 01:46 on Jan 6, 2014

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
Aw, god dammit.

Someone beat me to Vanilla Icestorm?!

Ryuujin
Sep 26, 2007
Dragon God
Olympus Meads

A flicker of static, the image changes and a new commercial plays. A massive man, built like a troll, slams into and through a large wooden door. Splinters go flying and a line of orcs are on the other side, a quick battle where the man punches orcs out, lifts them up and throws them. The scene changes and the massive man is holding a towel, he wipes his face and throws the towel over his shoulder. Sweat gleaming on his upper body. He smiles at the camera, and speaks. "After a long hard day of Dungeon Attack I build up a mighty thirst. A thirst that no simple beer can quench."

The scene changes and the man is now dressed in a toga and outside a temple looking bar. He enters then it jumps ahead to him receiving a large flagon of a golden liquid, he continues his earlier spiel. "When I am so thirsty that only a godly beverage can quench my thirst I look for Olympus Meads, the godliest of brews. He takes a heavy drink of the liquid and then adds. "Olympus Meads for when you want to feel the strength of ten men!"

---

Slaine

Slaine is a massive man, built like a troll, who did what he had to to get ahead in life. He was big, he was strong, and he could at least read a script. While trying to find a job to make use of his skills a friend happened to suggest Dungeon Attack. They reassured him his great strength and ferocity would be appreciated, and with some work, and some luck, he can make his way into the big leagues and actually start earning something worthwhile. He was reluctant at first, but eventually he started working in the minor leagues.

He joined a group and they had some small success, not a lot of course as they were only in the minor leagues, but Slaine kind of stood out. One day after work Slaine and his coworkers stopped by a local eatery. Famished and thirsty from all the hard work Slaine ordered an awful lot of food, and mead, and began to consume both with a voracious appetite. As luck would have it a distributor for Olympus Meads happened to be there taking an order for the eatery for more of their famous brew. He watched the spectacle with surprise and admiration, and when Slaine finished with a hearty sigh and proclaimed, "now I feel like I could take the whole dungeon on myself," the man got an idea.

He got Slaine's information and after discussing the matter with his superiors called Slaine in and gave him the opportunity of a lifetime. The opportunity to be a public spokesman for Olympus Meads, more on his hearty appetite, massive size, and battle prowess than on any personal charisma or speech ability. He went through a few trials making certain that he could follow a script, and that he was capable enough in Dungeon Attack to be worth sponsoring, but after this trial period he was officially a spokesman and a sponsored Dungeon Attacker. With sponsorship he found that he made more progress and began to move up the ranks faster than before.

pre:
Name: Slaine
Look: Nightmarish Eyes, Blood-Curdling Laugh, Troll-Like Body, Wild Hair
Class: The Berserker

Lodge: Wolf
When an ally aids you on a hack and slash move, treat a 7-9 result
as though it were a 10+.

Alignment: Chaotic
Destroy an obstacle you could just as easily have avoided.

HP: 27
Armor: 0+1
Damage: d10

Stats
STR 16 (+2)
DEX 13 (+1)
CON 15 (+1)
INT 8 (-1)
WIS 12 (+0)
CHA 9 (+0)

Moves
Rage
Your fury on the battlefield is terrible to behold.  When you inflict damage,
mark off one of the following options (your choice) until you’ve marked them all:
* Increase your damage die to d12.
* Add +terrifying (monster tag)
* Gain CON armor
* gain +1 STR ongoing
* gain +1 CON ongoing
* gain STR-piercing

Frenzy
When all of your rage options are marked off, you are frenzied.  You are 
considered a Danger:
Frenzied Berserker (impulse: to fight until you drop)
GM Moves for Frenzied Berserkers:
* Burst out in uncoordinated, undirected violence
* Change direction suddenly
* Perform a show of dominance
* Rush headlong into danger
* Smash an obstacle to flinders
* Focus on one foe, to the exclusion of all others

What That It?
When all the enemy are slain or scattered, erase all the marks on your rage
options.

Forward Momentum
When you make a basic move and don’t inflict damage, erase the mark
on one rage option.

Gear
- Dungeon Rations (5 uses, 1 weight).
- A shield (+1 armor, 2 weight).
- A wolf tooth necklace (0 weight).
- A massive sword, capable of splitting a millstone (close, +1 damage, forceful, 3 weight)
- Sacred Mushrooms (mark off one use to immediately mark all your rage options,
  3 uses, 0 weight).
Load 6/11

Bonds
It would be good to die with _____________ at my side.
_____________ will never know Valhalla unless I help them.
_____________ hides a rage nearly as deep as my own.
My frenzy once caused _____________ unforgivable harm.

BrotherAdso
May 22, 2008

stat rosa pristina nomine
nomina nuda tenemus
Kallen Dari (Dungeon Attack Name: Riot)
Short Summary: Riot Grrl / Riot Mage, out to prove the mage world wrong, kick some rear end, and get rich enough to promote her ideas, sponsored by a coalition of zine publishers, punk bands and record labels, and alternative clothing manufacturers. Real world inspiration from Bikini Kill, Tank Girl.


The reporter staggered backwards, blood streaming out of his nose. All the others edged back about three feet, and Riot made a noise somewhere between a growl and a laugh at the looks on their faces.

“Well, that’s your answer, you fuckin’ grub. Yeah, I think a ‘little elf chick’ will do just fine in Adventure. And in the mage game, too.”

Another reporter, a human from Dungeon Updates Now (DUN), spoke up. “Your sponsors haven’t gone public yet, and there’s an exclusive that says you don’t have any, because…”

Kallen stepped right up under his chin, faster than the eye could follow, and black cords of energy whipped out, and began to tickle his throat from the gloves she wore. “Because mage-ocracy’s a men’s game? Because the big companies won’t sponsor a little girl?”

Another writer shouted out “Well then tell us who is sponsoring you!”

Stepping back and looking over the crowd, she looked up. “Fine. K-G Records and New Mage! Press, for spells. Protection Magics and MageU, for goods. They know I’ll be a great big middle finger in the face of the whole Dungeoning world, and they want to shake things up -- in the world of mage products and in the world of Dungeon Adventure -- with my help. We’re gonna bring a whole new kind of power to the arena, and gently caress you for thinking we can't.”

Looks: Bright dyed wild red-and-gold hair flies around her worn-looking, battered t-shirt and and trademark helmet. Short, wiry, and with striking green-and-gold eyes, her tattoos glow bright red when she's focusing on her magic.

HP: 17/17

STR: 12
DEX: 15
CON: 13
INT: 16
WIS: 9
CHA: 8

RACE: Elf (Sense nearby magical effects)
Alignment: Neutral / Face - Discover new things about magic to prove the naysayers wrong.

Moves:
Black Magic (Work magic to cause 1D8 damage)
Red Magic (Work magic to solve a problem)
Arcane Learning (Spout Lore + Discern Realities)
Arcane Focus: The Dragon
Alignment: Fire and Passion, Form of the Dragon, Reckless Destruction
Opposition: Using Subtlety, Healing

Equipment: Load 6/8

Arcane Focus - blood-Red studded leather gloves, handcrafted by me and wielded in the Riot of '89.
Trademark Metal Helmet
Bowie Knife - For Your Most Uncooperative Sacrifices, by Protection Magics, Inc™
Four "Life Ambrosias" (Healing Potions) by New Mage! Products™
Rucksack of books from Riot! The New Mage Press Inc (5 uses)
Dungeon Rations from MageU™ (5 uses)

Corporate Sponsor: New-Mage / MageU Consortium



Magic - magic education, magic publishing, magic as an industry -- needs a shakeup. The Old Magic consortiums are not adapting to new methods, new ideas, new kinds of casting, and are dominated by a bunch of old lich-lite men. New Mage leads the charge of young guns, radicals, young professors and more who want to prove the magic world wrong by undermining their outdated business models. MageU prints magical textbooks, and is trying to lock down the Magical Education departments of the new academies as they develop. However, its owners are still young radical types, so there are a lot of "side projects" and political tripe that gets printed -- which is OK with their cooperating partners at New Mage!.

Real World Model: The tech boom of the 1990s produced lots of self-assured people who were convinced their worldview would not only dominate, but make money. Think the Silicon Valley neoliberals who founded Yahoo, etc.

BrotherAdso fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Jan 4, 2014

Lurdiak
Feb 26, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.


Aw, son of a bitch. I really wanted to join this one too.

saberwulf
Mar 3, 2009

Pipe rifles and snack cakes.
Awesome apps so far! Can't wait to see more. Remember folks, the 90's didn't just happen in America! Shower me with your multicultural gaudiness!

Lurdiak posted:

Aw, son of a bitch. I really wanted to join this one too.

Recruitment is still open, actually! I prefer a large mix to choose from, so it's staying open until the end date in the OP.

saberwulf fucked around with this message at 18:37 on Dec 31, 2013

slydingdoor
Oct 26, 2010

Are you in or are you out?
I dunno if this fits exactly, but I'll post what I got.

Captain Planet, Motherfucker
Hometown Band's Intro Song


The megacorps that were worst for the environment never completely eluded legal suits, but they always managed to make the penalties they received as meaningless as possible. But they made one tiny mistake: funding the creation of the character Captain Planet, who would represent the environmental campaign they had to establish after the last court settlement. Any who were around the office then would have seen the suits shrugging and joking over how their new marketing division decided to spend the money.

"Eh, it's just a spot on Australasian Dungeon Attack, any publicity is good publicity, the sooner the kids heard the name Shell Oil the better. Worst case scenario, we just paid some Green Peace nuts to commit suicide on television. Hell, I'd have funded that without a court order!

During his first match the reaction was lamer than lame, as a face Captain Planet and the Planeteers would never go over. The only thing the crowd--and his sponsor--wanted out of them were entertainingly gruesome career-ending botches, and the sooner the better.

But halfway through the man started making some off-script adjustments. His mid match commercial break PSAs started turning sinister and threatening. Then profane. The match itself saw no more pony transformations or teamwork; instead it saw a blue-skinned green-haired beast goring and smashing everyone and everything between him and the Cup no one thought would be his that night. Only one of his mortal sidekicks survived the Crawl, but He took the boy's elemental ring as he had all the others, telling him "You can't send a boy to do a God's job."

Some say the makeup drove him insane, others thought the turn was part of his plan all along. All that's known for sure is that in an exclusive candid interview about that fateful night with the Barbarian Valters, the Captain said, "I had an epiphany right then and there: you gotta give the people what they want. Not a suit nagging them to help save the Earth and all its worthless endangered dirt shrews--they want the Earth to stop being an eternal victim and occasional terrorist, to get off its rear end and punish their bosses who tell them to gently caress ecosystems and get money. They want to see the Earth's most badass beasts kill and eat each other so they can settle their bar and playground bets. They want to see the survival of the fittest play out in real time before their very eyes, especially the parts where the unfit die for their amusement.

"So all those needledick paper pushers that polluted the Earth and got caught, but think that kissing some judge's rear end means they'll never get punished? When you end up turned into loving trees your insurance ain't gonna pay out, because it'll be an act of God.

"This message brought to you by the suckers at Royal Dutch Shell. Shout-out to my people in Z Energy where I got my start. The Power is Mine, bitches!"

quote:

Class
The Druid

Name
Captain Planet

Look
Wild Eyes, Green Mullet, Superhero Spandex

Stats
Your maximum HP is 21, 6+Constitution.
Your base damage is d6.
WIS 16 (+2)
CON 15 (+1)
CHA 13 (+1)
DEX 12 (+0)
STR 9 (+0)
INT 8 (-1)

Starting Moves

Man
As your people learned to bind animals to field and farm, so too are you bound to them. You may always take the shape of any domesticated animal, in addition to your normal options.

Born of the Soil
You learned your magic in a place (The Great Forests) whose spirits are strong and ancient and they’ve marked you as one of their own. No matter where you go, they live within you and allow you to take their shape. Choose one of the following. It is the land to which you are attuned—when shapeshifting you may take the shape of any animal who might live in your Land.

Choose a tell—a physical attribute that marks you as born of the soil—that reflects the spirit of your land (Blued Chrome Skin and Green Mullet). It may be an animal feature like antlers or leopard’s spots or something more general: hair like leaves or eyes of glittering crystal. Your tell remains no matter what shape you take.

By Nature Sustained
You don’t need to eat or drink. If a move tells you to mark off a ration just ignore it.

Spirit Tongue
The grunts, barks, chirps, and calls of the creatures of the wild are as language to you. You can understand any animal native to your land or akin to one whose essence you have studied.

Shapeshifter
When you call upon the spirits to change your shape, roll+Wis. *On a 10+ hold 3. *On a 7–9 hold 2. *On a miss hold 1 in addition to whatever the GM says.

You may take on the physical form of any species whose essence you have studied or who lives in your land: you and your possessions meld into a perfect copy of the species’ form. You have any innate abilities and weaknesses of the form: claws, wings, gills, breathing water instead of air. You still use your normal stats but some moves may be harder to trigger—a housecat will find it hard to do battle with an ogre. The GM will also tell you one or more moves associated with your new form. Spend 1 hold to make that move. Once you’re out of hold, you return to your natural form. At any time, you may spend all your hold and revert to your natural form.

Studied Essence
When you spend time in contemplation of an animal spirit, you may add its species to those you can assume using shapeshifting.

Alignment

Chaotic Heel
Destroy a symbol of civilization.

Gear
Your load is 6, 6+Str. You carry the Planeteers' 5 elemental rings, tokens of your land, describe it. Choose your defenses:
Hide armor Makeup and Costume (1 armor, 1 weight)
Choose your armament:
Spear Red Gloves that fire Naturalization Rays (close, thrown, near, 1 weight) turns things into trees, rabbits, broccoli, etc. on mercy kill.
Choose one:
3 antitoxin (0 weight) Being able to talk to and turn into venomous creatures means Captain Planet is always well-supplied with antidotes. He's been known to extort or just taunt his enemies with them.

Bonds
Fill in the name of one of your companions in at least one:

____________________ smells more like prey than a hunter.
The spirits spoke to me of a great danger that follows ______________.
I have showed ________________ a secret rite of the Land.
___________ has tasted my blood and I theirs. We are bound by it.

Electric Hobo
Oct 22, 2008


Grimey Drawer
I refuse to believe that something as strange as the 90's happened where I live, without me noticing it. We did have a few weird as hell bands, but that's all. (Please don't make me relive the memories of AQUA and all their copies.)

The Deleter
May 22, 2010
Stu-D, Up-and-coming Elvish Pop Star



Glorfindel Tur-anion is a terrible name to subject to somebody, even if you are an elf. So it was with no small amount of relish that the young boy quickly dropped it for "Stu-D" when he joined a band with a delinquent goblin, a troll and the fairy from the next dimension over in order to make money and get girls.

Several bad decisions followed. Most of the time and money that should have gone into producing a debut album went into booze, drugs and funding a series of short-term "girlfriends." The troll decided to join a cult. The goblin bought them a new home which happened to be built on the grave of the Mad King of Todenwald, resulting in a recording session being interrupted by a ten-foot skeleton in rotting armor smashing through the wall. In the ensuing chaos, instruments and equipment were lost and Stu was hit with a curse that enabled him to see the spirits of the dead.

Unfortunately, none of the other band members seemed to care much about their lead singer's pleas for the ghosts to leave him alone. They needed cash to fix things up and maybe make an album at some point. Stu quickly realised his status as a scapegoat when they shoved him into the little leagues of Dungeon Attack, but resentment turned into amazement as he realised that he was actually good at it. Affecting a "thick-headed but sweet" face persona raked in the big bucks and gave the young elf time to learn how to harness his new ghost-busting powers. Now riding on a wave of fame and a few singles, Stu-D is looking to grab the high life again, and nothing is going to stop him.

pre:
Class: The Spirit Catcher (with some modifications)

Look: Unkempt Hair, Unnatural Eyes, Thin Body, Casual Clothing

Str: 9
Dex: 13 (+1)
Con: 8 (-1)
Wis: 15 (+1)
Int: 12
Cha: 16 (+2)

HP: 14/14

Damage: 1d6

Drive - Shaddap, yew mis'rable sods! (Face)
Catch and manipulate notorious spirits.

How do you catch spirits? (Race)
Stu capture spirits in, er, bottles of spirits. He thinks it's funny. When you smash a bottle full of spirits open, you may
release every spirit bound to you (besides the Mad King) to create a large and loud distraction. You can hold up to three
bottled spirits at a time.

Moves:
Gotcha, ya mis'rable sod!
When you attempt to catch a wandering spirit, roll +WIS. On a 10+, you grab it and shove it in a bottle. On a 7-9, your grip is
not so tight and the spirit reacts poorly. Choose one:
- The spirit panics for a moment and drags you into danger.
- The spirit is stubborn and will only submit to you on one condition.

Shaddup!
You can hear the voices of wandering spirits and can speak with them, but they are miserable sods and don't like you a lot.

Oh shiiiiiiii-
The spirit of the Mad King of Todenwald piggybacks in Stu-D's head, resulting in the strange juxtaposition of a slim,
blue-haired elf vomiting up the ghostly skeleton of an inbred, paranoid tyrant to wreck poo poo.


Instinct: to smash!

When you call upon its great power, roll +WIS. On a 10+, it will temporarily unleash itself to carry out a short command you
give it. On a 7-9, it has qualms with your command and will carry it out in its own way. On a 6-, it slips from your grasp and
ignores your command, instead acting on its instinct until you can recapture it.

Pow!
When you weaponize a bottled spirit you hold, describe the form it takes. Choose one range and as many other tags as is
appropriate for the spirit, ranging from 1 for a generic spook and up to 4 for a kickass superghost. You cannot mark off
ammo for this weapon and it will break after one use, freeing the spirit to bugger off somewheres.

Range Tags: Hand, Close, Reach, Near
Tags: Vengeful (+1 damage), Forceful, Messy, Ghostly (Piercing 2), Distracting (-1 damage), Invisible, Haunting (-1 damage)
	
Gear
Load: 4/15
Yoghurts in tubes (5 uses, 1 weight)
Padded gloves (hand, 1 weight)
Bottles for putting ghosties in. (1 weight)
Those mysterious black voids for eyes (0 weight).
Ratty T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap. (0 weight)
A bottle of vodka (healing potion, 0 weight) and a box of painkillers (poultices and herbs, 2 uses, 1 weight)

Bonds
__________ did sumfink nasty to me once, they's a right twat an' I won' haff nuffink to do wiff 'em.
Wonder if __________ can see them ghosties too?
I 'ad a righ' laff with __________ an' a ghostie in a bottle uv Jack. Whoops!
Cor, __________ sez they likes me music!
Sponsor - Abbadon'd Records
Abbadon'd Records (we probably won't steal your soul!tm) are one of the biggest media companies worldwide, a home for both pop sensations and indie gems. Run by demons that specialise in petty contracts and only mild disaster, they currently hold a contract with Stu-D's band and negotiate terms with Dungeon Attack regarding advertising and Stu's working conditions. Initially frustrated with the band's inability to release an album, they have thrown their weight back behind Stu-D after his Dungeon Attack spiel became lucrative, hoping to use him as the launchpad for further dungeon-crawling musicians and groups.

Gorillaz is actually early 2000's, but those were basically the 90's in my head too so I did it anyway. I didn't want to do a Pokemon gag like I did last time, either. I made a few changes to the Spirit Catcher sheet because I didn't like the idea a guy could carry like a billion spirits on him and just unleash them at will, and also throwing in my own alignment and as much terribly transcribed cockney as possible.

The Deleter fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Jan 10, 2014

FewtureMD
Dec 19, 2010

I am very powerful, of course.

A character sheet with the Kool-Aid man as Golem is going here as soon as I get done battling the hordes of New Years Eve shoppers

MadRhetoric
Feb 18, 2011

I POSSESS QUESTIONABLE TASTE IN TOUHOU GAMES
Space reserved for some X-treme Zportz and/or wrasslin'

Auralsaurus Flex
Aug 3, 2012
LOOP SKAT3MAN, X-TREME SK8ER



XXXTREME SPORTZ BIQUARTERLY's Chet Broadspear managed to sit down with up-and-coming Dungeon Attack star and boarder extraordinaire LOOP SKAT3MAN for an exclusive interview after his recent breakout success on the Astrazalian Outback Circuit this summer. Below is a transcript of that conversation between Chet and LOOP.

Chet Broadspear: So, LOOP, I understand that you've recently gotten into the world of Dungeon Attack. Tell me, how did that come about?

LOOP SKAT3MAN: It's really a funny story, dude. I thought I was signing up for, like, this skateboard racing tournament called the Australian Outback Circuit. So when they were all like, "Hey, would you like to sign up for the Astrazalian Outback Circuit?" I was like, sure, Astrazalian's out there in the western country somewhere, so this most definitely must be the same thing, right? So I signed up for it and showed up where they told me to on the day they said to show up for the thing, and I was a little confused when they said I was going to be competing as part of, like, this team, but I was all "Oh, so this must be like one of those 'Tour de Fallcrest' type things," and didn't really think much of it. So I was really surprised when we all went through this door and it was a dungeon on the other side. You know, hejkin and baazrags and salt zombies. Those types of things and stuff. After I got over my initial shock, I helped my teammates take out some silt runners that were right there, and I was like, "Man, this is actually pretty gnarly!" and got all hype and stuff, shredding it up and clocking monsters. It all kind of went from there.

Chet: Yeah, your group—or at least what was left of it—managed to actually go on and beat that dungeon, correct? How did that feel?

LOOP: Oh, it was radical, man! I mean, I had won skating trophies and stuff before, brah, but this was, like, something totally different. I was exhausted, totally drained, but I still felt all warm inside and stuff. It was totally sick.

Chet: Speaking of skateboarding, how did you get involved in that scene? Was it something you had always done, or did you picked up relatively recently?

LOOP: Totally, bro! Like, I come from a long line of SKAT3MANS. My father was a boarder and his father before him and I guess his father before him. It goes, like, all the way back, man... Woah! That's flippin' mindblowing when you think about it. Like, [laughter] I guess we were named SKAT3MAN for a reason.

Chet: Oh, yeah. I remember now... BRAD, BRAD SKAT3MAN, wasn't it? How was it growing up with one of the greatest skateboarders of all time as your father? Did you look up to him?

LOOP: Yeah, it was cool and all. But the one boarder I really looked up to growing up in the Down Under-dark of Szydney was Tre. He was like an older brother to me, looking out for me at all the skateparks and stuff. He was a totally rad dude...

Chet: Tre? Oh, Tre Slater! Yes, it was quite a shame what happened to him. But, uh... tell me about your major sponsor; you've been with them for a while now. It's Slug Skateboardz, right?

LOOP: Yeah, brah! Slug Skateboardz are off the hook, dude! They've been with me from the beginning, basically. Like, supporting me all the way and stuff. They're really excited about me branching out into Dungeon Attack. You know, providing them with an opportunity to "increase their market share" or whatever. The rad thing, though, is that they make the gnarliest products. All of their boards come with their special wheels and grip tape; best grip anything out there'll provide for you. That's part of the secret behind my signature wall rides. If you buy their stuff, "You'll be just like a slug, but fast: Slug Skateboardz!"

quote:

Class: The Walker Skater

Look
Radical Goggles, Wild Hair, Popped Collars, Purple Skin

Drive
Competitive Instincts (Face)
Defeat another in a contest of skill or strength

Training
The Shredmasters of Szydney
You use Wall Walking Riding by taking advantage of an advanced
climbing harness of your own design
a :krad: skateboard.
When you are on a wall or ceiling, you can still use both hands,
even if you have a passenger.


STR   16 (+2)
DEX  15 (+1)
CON 13 (+1)
WIS     9 (+0)
INT      8 ( −1)
CHA 12 (+0)

Damage: 1d8

Armor:   1
HP:   21 / 21


Moves

Wall Walking Riding
You can climb move along solid walls and ceilings as quickly as you can walk or run,
regardless of their texture or composition. When you are climbing, you only have one
hand free to take actions with.
You may carry one person with you while you are Wall
Walking Riding, but you can't use your hands at all while you have a passenger.

Death From Above (STR)
When you drop in on someone from above, roll +STR. On a 10+, choose two. On a 7-9,
choose one:
  • Deal your damage with a melee weapon
  • Kidnap them - you retreat to somewhere nearby, taking them with you
  • No one notices you dropping in, and your target doesn't make a sound
No One Looks Up
When you cling to a ceiling without talking, moving, or attacking, NPCs will never
notice you, if you haven't been spotted already. If the ceiling is high enough that you
are above their natural line of sight,
they won't notice you even if you move. You can
always ask the GM if you are above their line of sight before moving, and the GM will
answer truthfully.

On a Mirror's Edge (STR)
When you begin free running skating, start moving and roll +STR. On a 10+, hold 3. On
a 7-9,
hold 2. On a 6-, hold 1, but when you spend it, the GM will add a complication.
You lose all of this hold the moment you stop moving. Spend 1-hold to do one of the
following:
  • Avoid or knock aside an enemy attack and keep moving
  • Leap around, over, or through an obstacle or enemy in your path
  • Get up somewhere out of reach or out of sight

Gear

Load: 6/26

Bags of 3D Doritos (5 uses, 1 weight)
XTREME sports gear (5 uses, 1 weight)
Spray paint can (hand, 1 weight)
SlugTM skateboard (close, forceful, 1 weight).
Paint splattered shirt, cargo shorts, and a pair of Air MoradinsTM (1 armor, 1 weight)
More spray paint cans and bottles of pigment (near, 3 ammo, 1 weight)

Bonds
I have a running bet going with _____________ .
_____________ impressed me. I need to one-up them.
_____________ doesn't think highly of me. How foolish of them.
_____________ has my back, and I have theirs.

Sponsor - Slug Skateboardz
You'll be just like a slug, but fast!

Slug Skateboardz is a skateboard manufacturer world-renown for their proprietary grip tape and wheels, which provide superior grip strength to any surface on contact. Aside from these special components, their boards are rather mediocre and run of the mill. There are also rumors that the process involved in these special parts' manufacture is less-than-ethical, involving some form of monster cruelty. Slug has been looking to get into the Dungeon Attack arena for a while now, but put efforts on a hiatus after Tre Slater's unfortunate accident. But now LOOP's blunder and unexpected success have provided them with the perfect opportunity for greater exposure, and they're more than willing to exploit his pseudo-rebellious image.

Something Else
Dec 27, 2004

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022
Name: Dai Lup
Look: Dai is a stoic, bulky lizardman clad in blue armor, made primarily from interlocking discs that bear the yellow symbol of his corporate sponsor. His glowing eyes peer out from under a sturdy helmet, jagged with the edges of broken discs.
Class: The Samurai


Corporate Sponsor: Dungeon On-Line

Dungeon On-Line provides a magical network of information, at a modest monthly fee. In their over-zealous advertising efforts, they blanketed the land in compact discs, promising potential customers 1000 free hours of access to the network if they sign up for a new account. Unfortunately the people at large were inconvenienced by this campaign and denounced it, bringing great shame and dishonor upon the DOL name.

Reporters crowded around Dai Lup, flashbulbs glinting off his armor. "Mr. Lup, are you ready for the games? Is it true that pornographic images are available through DOL? How do you respond to accusations that the compact disc mailings are a nuisance, that nobody uses them, and if they do, they're only scamming themselves?" Dai held up a hand until the squawking journalists fell silent. "I do not care for these matters. DOL chose me as their champion because they believe in my ability to regain honor for their company name. I will fight to my last breath and give no quarter to my opponents. Thank you." The reporters pelted the back of Dai's helmet with more questions as he strode away, but only one caused him to turn back around: "Mr. Lup! How about a display of your skill!" The reporter was wearing one of those hats with the PRESS car sticking up out of the side. Dai bowed respectfully, and then, with lightning fast movements, tore a CD from his breast and flung it! The reporters were confused at first, even laughed as the disc sailed off to an irrelevant corner of the hall. But Dai's stance never wavered, for a few moments later, the disc ricocheted back into Dai's hand. He slotted it back into his armor, bowed again, and walked away as the reporters watched the shredded remains of a PRESS card flutter to the floor, delicate as a cherry blossom.

Drive: Brand Loyalty (Face)
Deny temptation to stay true to your master’s wishes.

Race: Lizardfolk
Your senses are heightened. You are adept at tracking enemies using their scent.

Stats
STR 16 (+2)
DEX 12 (+0)
CON 13 (+1)
INT 8 (-1)
WIS 9 (+0)
CHA 15 (+1)

HP: 23
Armor: 3
Damage: d10

Moves
Armored
You ignore the clumsy tag on armor you wear.

Ruling Caste Strong Connection
When you attempt to influence an NPC with the untold riches of the DOL network, roll+CHA. On a 7+, they choose one:
- Attack you
- Back away cautiously, then flee
- Do what you say
On a 10+, you also take +1 forward against them. On a miss, they do as they please and you take -1 forward against them.

Mission
When you dedicate yourself to a mission after accepting or interpreting your lord’s orders, state what you set out to do:
X Vanquish your competitors and bring great honor to the DOL brand.
Then choose up to two boons:
X A freedom from hunger, thirst, and sleep.
X Invulnerability to bludgeoning and blunt weapons
The GM will then tell you what vow or vows is required of you to maintain
your blessing:

o Honour (forbidden: cowardly tactics and tricks).
o Hospitality (required: comfort to those in need, no matter who they are).
o Piety (required: observance of daily holy services).
o Temperance (forbidden: gluttony in food, drink, and pleasure of the flesh).
o Truth (forbidden: lies).
o Valour (forbidden: suffering an evil creature to live).

Death By 1000 Free Hours
You wear scale armor comprised of an interlocking lattice of compact discs. You can throw a disc as a weapon with the tags thrown, near, precise. When you remove a compact disc to use it for some purpose, roll +DEX. On a 10+, choose 1. On a 7-9, choose 2.
- It takes longer than you intended,
- You attract unwanted attention.
- You expose a weak spot. Take -1 forward to armor.
- You damage the disc. Take -1 forward to Volley.
- You're unable to recover the disc. Lose 1-disc.
Start with 3-disc; if you use this move while you have 0-disc, take -1 ongoing to armor until you have time to repair it. When you take some time to signal your sponsor to deliver replacement discs, roll +CHA. On a 10+, hold 3-disc. On a 7+, hold 2-disc and the GM chooses one:
- You attract unwanted attention.
- The delivery's aim is off - you'll have to travel some distance to retrieve it.
- The delivery smacks into you - take d4 damage.

Gear
- Compact disc scale armour (clumsy, 3 armor, 5 weight).
- DOL logos emblazoned on armour (0 weight).
- Katana (close, +1 damage, 1 weight) and wakizashi (hand, 1 weight).
- Adventuring gear (1 weight).
Load 8/14

Bonds
_______________ has stood by me in battle and can be trusted
completely.
_______________’s misguided behaviour endangers their very
soul!
_______________ is a brave soul, I have much to learn from them.
I respect the beliefs of _______________ but hope they will
someday see the true way.

Edit: Let me know if this is all chill, Death By 1000 Free Hours replaces a Samurai starting move that didn't fit the character. I tried to keep it balanced but I'm relatively new to this.

Something Else fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Jan 2, 2014

EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."
This looks like fun, I'll be using one of Gnome's playbooks from Inverse World, if that's okay.

"Coming soon from Slaymates Toys, the si-i-illiest toy on the Prime Material plane!"

"Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! That tickles almost as much as the graceful hand of Mystra across my-" "THAT'S RIGHT! It's Tickle-Me Elminster! Everyone's favorite archwizard, now as a soft and cuddly doll who laughs when you squeeze him!"

"Oo-hoo-hoo, that tickles! Ahoo-hoo-hoo, this sure beats Nergal taking a pitchfork and-" "HOURS OF FUN for the whole family, coming to stores this Winter Solstice! From Slaymates!"

"Warning:ThistoymaynotbesuitableforchildrencapableofunderstandingCommon."



Ty Poggins is the voice of Slaymates Toys, the manufacturers of every crappy gimmicky toy fad for the past ten eons. Aside from their latest, Tickle-Me Elminster, they're also responsible for such riot-induced crazes as the Ravage Patch Kids (the public's drive to acquire these was so intense it resulted in The Ravenloft Incident, which I'm certain nobody needs reminding of), Dire Furby, Pokemon (Pocket Demons, very popular in Kara-Tur), Vorpal Beyblades, and Magic Beanies Babies (discontinued due to reports of rampant beanstalks). Ty speaks over every commercial for the company, his harmless, affable demeanor belying his prominent spare tire, receding hairline, and ale-bottle spectacles. Truly a countenance perfectly suited to voice acting. In his first on-screen appearance, he'll be participating in DUNGEON ATTACK, a move that most call an obvious publicity stunt by Slaymates. Armed only with a pile of shoddy toys and his boundless enthusiasm for all things collectible, Ty Poggins is ready to inspire kids everywhere to "Collect all two-hundred thirty-seven!"


Name: Ty Poggins
Look: Balding, glasses, fresh change of clothes, and pudgy body.
Class: The Collector

Corporate Sponsor: Slaymates Toys

Drive: Show Off (Face): Get kids to buy the cheap fad crap he advertises. (Impress another using your wealth or gear)

Race and Prediliction: Human, Magic Collection (uses CHA for Lore, can detect magic effects nearby, along with their general direction, distance, and a vague impression of the effect)

Stats:
Str: 8 (-1)
Dex: 13 (+1)
Con: 9 (+0)
Int: 15 (+1)
Wis: 12 (+0)
Cha: 16 (+2)

HP: 15

Damage: d4

Starting Moves:

-Keeper of Curios: You keep a collection of strange and rare curiosities, which follow some sort of theme - masks, small dinosaurs, mechanical replicas of insects. Your collection is 5-weight, and contains a variety of useful things collected throughout your travels.

*Collection theme: lovely fad toys

*Collection look: Whimsical, Impractical

When you take a few moments to dig through your collection for something useful, describe what you're looking for and what you want it to do. You can potentially have anything on hand, but the GM will tell you one to four of the following:
• It is either consumable or faulty, and will only work once
• It was not intended to be used for this
• It will take a lot of time and effort to use properly
• It won't work unless you _____
• The curio's effects are incredibly specific
• You get something close to what you want, but not quite
• You'll need help from _____ to use it safely

-Curiosity: When you put yourself at risk to check something out, roll +Lore. On a 7+, ask the GM any one question related to the risks. On a 10+, the GM will answer it, as clearly as the circumstances allow. On a 7-9, the GM will tell you what more you need to do to find the answer yourself.

-Make it Count: When you use up the last use of a piece of gear, it has +1 to all numeric values attached to it and all rolls made to use it. When you use a piece of gear without limited uses, such as a weapon or a shield, you can destroy it during use to take +1 to all numeric values attached to it and all rolls made to use it.

-Wealth and Taste: When you make a show of flashing around a valuable possession, choose an NPC present. They will do anything they can to obtain your item or one like it.

Load: 23

Gear: Collection (5 weight), a catalogue of the strange and mysterious (5 uses, 1 weight), repair kit (6 uses, slow, 1 weight), appraisal kit (1 weight), antique bow from a vintage Mirthful Meal collection from McBlackstaff's (1 weight), 3 ammo for same (1 weight), 40 coin and membership card to Djinni Babies Official Club.

Manofmanusernames
Jul 27, 2012

Jackass.
You know it's funny, when I saw Xcrawl in F&F I thought it would be cool if somebody ran a game of it using dungeon world. I'll post a more detailed backstory in the morning.

Ajax Rudiger


Background:

TL:DR: Ajax is a former child star trying to make a despet comeback attempt.

LV: Back in the the 80's there was on sitcom everybody and they're mother watched. It was called 'Smithston Inn.' It was about the Smithston family and the wacky shenanigans they'd get them selves into. Ajax played the youngest Smithston Timmy. audiacnes fell in love with little timmy and his catch phrase 'oh shaggy darn.' After Smithston Inn ended Ajax went on to star in a couple of hit movies such as Kid Paladin and The Littlest Dragon-Slayer. But as with many child stars his fame soon faded and all the hard partying and substance abuse got to him. After he got out of jail and rehab he was just a washed up has been, barley making do with the checks he recieved from Smithston Innn. But then, just when things looked there darkest, he got a phone call from ScumLabs...
Corporate Sponsor:
"Gentlemen," said the man in front of the power point. "the simple fact is that public aproval ratings are so low that there burrowing into the ground and coming out below china. The public as found about the toxic waste dumping, the sweet shop's with the child labor, our electronics catching fire and giving people cancer, the whole thing about how our new line of tv dinner is made out of gnomes and perhapes worst of all, they know about the deal!!!" There was a gasp from every on in the room. One of the older board members spoke up. "But how is that possible? all of the major news paper editors are either dead or on our payroll!"
"That's just the problem," The younger man said. "we are witnesing the dawn of a new age, the information age. People don't get there info from news papers any more, they get it from computers and that new 'interweb' thing. Thats why I have a proposale for you all..."

Class: Fighter
Look: Dead Eyes, Wild Hair, Pale skin, Lithe Body,
Stats:
STR 16
CON 15
CHA 13
INT 12
DEX 9
WIS 8
HP 25
DAM D10

Moves:
Human
Once per battle you may reroll a single damage roll (yours
or someone else’s).
Bend Bars, Lift Gates
When you use pure strength to destroy an inanimate obstacle,
roll+Str. On a 10+, choose 3. On a 7-9 choose 2.
 It doesn’t take a very long time
 Nothing of value is damaged
 It doesn’t make an inordinate amount of noise
 You can fix the thing again without a lot of effort
Armored
You ignore the clumsy tag on armor you wear.
Signature Weapon: Axe ( 2wt, Close, Sharp. +2 piercing, Unblemished)
Alignment:
Face (Reformed Heel)
Defeat a worthy opponent in front of the cameras.
Gear:
Load 6/14
Signature Weapon:ScumLabs brand Battle Axe ( 2wt, Close, Sharp. +2 piercing)

dungeon rations (5 uses, 1 weight)
Chainmail (1 armor, 1 weight) and adventuring gear (1
weight)
2 Healing potions can of Thunder Muscle, the new ScumLabs brand energy drink(0 weight)

Bonds: TBD

Manofmanusernames fucked around with this message at 22:47 on Jan 2, 2014

Alumnus Post
Dec 29, 2009

They are weird and troubling. We owe it to our neighbors to kill them.
Pillbug
I cribbed from the Drider's "Spinnerets" bit for this guy's Special Systems slot. Let me know if that's not okay! I could easily just go with one of the regular options. More flavor and edits to come when time allows!

==============

Scene: An industrial meat freezer. A pudgy drow in frayed jorts wields an improbably-sized kitchen implement resembling a potato peeler. The corpse of a bugbear is hung up behind him.

“Now, for those of you who’ve just joined us, this is just one example of what the Ariadne-brand Potato Flenser can do for all your cooking needs. It can strip the skin off this full-grown bull bugbear in… (noise like a drunken ogre falling into a blender full of raw bacon) ...ten seconds flat. Imagine what it’ll do for your potatoes! Perfect for peeling, flensing, skinning, slicing, and carving anything and everything from carrots to cockatrices. And since it’s from Ariadne, it comes with our exclusive money-back guarantee. If you don’t like it, send it back! We will personally refund your money and send you your very own Consolation Cougar at no cost to you!”

“Order your very own Ariadne-brand Potato Flenser right now for only three easy payments of $29.95! Our accountancy spiders accept all major currencies, alchemical reagents, and human resources. And if you order within the next ten minutes, we’ll throw in a household-sized version of L’Meiril’s world-famous Kitchen Brutalizer, absolutely free*! Call 1-800-ARGIOPE.”
*(Kitchenbrutalizercomeswithanextrasurchargeof$2999.99oronechild. Call now!)

Sponsor: Ariadne Kitchen Technologies
In the lightless kitchens of the Underdark, the drow labor to construct ever-greater dishes to please their deathless Chef-King, L’Meiril Magazze the Scrumptious and Terrible. Ariadne Technologies is an up-and-coming subsidiary of that vast culinary empire, chartered with an explicit mission to dominate the kitchens of the surface world by any means necessary.

quote:

Grizztle McThornbody
Race: Drow
Class: Mechanic
Look: Mad eyes; Armored apron; Pimply skin; Pudgy body

-----------------

STR 8 (-1)
DEX 12 (+0)
CON 15 (+1)
INT 16 (+2)
WIS 9 (+0)
CHA 13 (+0)

HP: 21
Armor: 1
Damage: d8

----------------

Drive: Unfettered Mayhem - Cause great collateral damage and don't even care.
Heel: Grizztle is driven by a near-religious fervor to prove not only his own worth as a chef and combatant, but to demonstrate the uncontested superiority of the drow race at cooking. He is having a tremendous amount of fun all the time, but you probably wouldn't want to be next to him in a fight. Gratuitous amounts of crowd-pleasing brutality and collateral damage are the norm.

Specialization: Research and Development - Your suit is loaded with everything Ariadne could cram into it. In addition to the Atrax Amarus' arachnoid body-plan, it's also outfitted with high-powered hydraulics in the legs, allowing for jumps of up to twenty vertical feet, terrifyingly sudden pounces, and enough shock absorption to land from nearly any height without danger.

-----------------

Starting moves:

Mechanical Suit (Int)
You have a mechanical suit, unique to you, which only you can operate - describe it. Other suits exist, but none of them quite like yours. When you wear your Mecha Suit, you have 1 armor, and can use the suit as a weapon with a range of Close. When you Hack & Slash in your suit, roll +INT instead of +STR.
Primary Weapon: Full Arsenal. Close. When you attack with this weapon, choose a tag to add to it: hand, reach, +1 damage, forceful, messy, stun.
A nightmarish mix of kitchen gadgets and spider bits. Corkscrews, chelicerae, pizza cutters, pedipalps, potato peelers, meat tenderizers, and much, much more!
Movement Method: Arachnoid. Jumper. Move on walls and ceilings just as well as you would the floor. Jump incredible heights, and take no damage from controlled falls.
Advanced Systems: Spinnerets. You can create an infinite amount of webbing, which can be used to build bridges, bind helpless creatures, or any other use you can think of for flexible, sticky, incredibly durable rope.

Hold Together
When you would take damage while you are in your suit, you may negate that damage by marking Stress on your suit. When your suit takes Stress, mark one of the following:
Damaged: Your Movement Methods are disabled. The suit can still walk normally.
Disabled: Your Advanced Systems are disabled. Their bonuses do not apply.
Disarmed: Your Primary Weapons are disabled. The suit itself can still be used as a Close weapon.
When you Make Camp, you may unmark one Stress to your suit. When every box is marked, your suit is completely destroyed, and it will take a week to rebuild.

Let Me See That
When you take a few moments to handle or examine something interesting, ask the
GM two of the following questions. The GM must answer truthfully.
• What does this do?
• Who made this?
• What’s wrong with this, and how might I fix it?
• What has been done most recently with this, or to this?

--------------------------------

Inventory: (Load: 6/9)
Atrax Amarus (8 weight, 0 weight while worn)
This custom-built mechanical horror is stuffed to the gills with every kitchen gadget and stabby bit Ariadne Technologies could cram into it. It slices, it dices, it juliennes, it climbs up walls, and you do not want to be close to it when those chelicerae start going. Don’t ask where the webs come from.
• Ariadne-brand freeze-dried Adventurer’s Delights: tomato bugbear, jugged roper, sahuagin Thermidor, blackened cockatrice with Cajun sauce, and gorgon gorgonzola. (5 uses, 1 weight)
• Repair kit (6 uses, slow, 1 weight) Cringing goblin busboys in a big sack, armed with cans of WD-40 and big wrenches.
• Chef’s knife (hand, 1 weight)
• Genuine dragonhide apron and gloves (1 armor, 1 weight)
• A fancy chef’s hat bolted on top of the suit. (0 weight)
• Five volumes of L’Meiril Magazze’s Now You’re Cooking With Creatures! (5 uses, 2 weight)

The youngest of eight children in a poor drow family, Grizztle had an undistinguished childhood serving as a busboy and bouncer at Barbark’s Carrion Hut, a kill-your-own bar and grill favored by gnolls and ogres. His father was once one of the great Bas-Chefs serving the Chef-King himself, until the drows’ disastrous defeat at the Third War of the Stoves, and told his sons tales of fallen glory constantly.

After his family fell on hard times, he was forced to take a second job in a goblin auto shop. Despite mistreatment and abuse, he found a certain satisfaction in wrenches and machine oil. He was fired in disgrace after replacing the exhaust pipes on a prominent client’s car with creme brulee torches, and was forced to take on an even more demeaning job as a “chef” at Wiggleworm’s: the goblin fast-food chain where “mash it all together in a big bucket” is considered haute cuisine.

When the Chef-King proclaimed a new era of culinary revolution, Grizztle was one of the first to sign up. He served Ariadne Technologies faithfully for several years as a skilled mechanic and chef. The day that Ariadne’s Bas-Chef chose him personally to serve as their missionary-contestant in Dungeon Attack was the proudest day of his life.

Alumnus Post fucked around with this message at 14:51 on Jan 7, 2014

Bucnasti
Aug 14, 2012

I'll Fetch My Sarcasm Robes
Is there a Vampire playbook for DW? Because somebody should really play a 90s style vampire.

Manofmanusernames
Jul 27, 2012

Jackass.
Right so i addded a backstory to my charsheet. I made my sponsor as evil as possible because 90's. Are we going to do questions soon? Also can our team name be Dungeon Gangstaas?

MadRhetoric
Feb 18, 2011

I POSSESS QUESTIONABLE TASTE IN TOUHOU GAMES

Manofmanusernames posted:

Right so i addded a backstory to my charsheet. I made my sponsor as evil as possible because 90's. Are we going to do questions soon? Also can our team name be Dungeon Gangstaas?

Dunjun Gang Starz. Or the White Wolves.

Making a (vampire?) Cactus Jack, since we have an Xtreeeem Pro Sk8r now.

BrotherAdso
May 22, 2008

stat rosa pristina nomine
nomina nuda tenemus

Manofmanusernames posted:

Right so i addded a backstory to my charsheet. I made my sponsor as evil as possible because 90's. Are we going to do questions soon? Also can our team name be Dungeon Gangstaas?

In honor of the 20th anniversary of Enter The Wu Tang, we need to name our dungeon team The Ruckus.

BrotherAdso fucked around with this message at 02:18 on Jan 3, 2014

MadRhetoric
Feb 18, 2011

I POSSESS QUESTIONABLE TASTE IN TOUHOU GAMES

BrotherAdso posted:

In honor of the 20th anniversary of Enter The Wu Tang, we need to name our dungeon team The Ruckus.

Or the Killer Bees.

saberwulf
Mar 3, 2009

Pipe rifles and snack cakes.
Well, that looks like a pretty awesome spread to chose from! :siren:I'll be closing recruitment now. Anyone who has posted an interest check but has not submitted a character/any unfinished characters, please complete your applications before Monday the 6th or you will be automatically disqualified.:siren:

I'll have questions up this afternoon for everyone. As we approach the decision date, don't forget to keep coming up with team names! I'll choose whatever most popular, or just decide by what I like best if there's no group consensus.

Something Else
Dec 27, 2004

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022
I was a child during the 90's so my team name suggestions are based on the cartoons I watched:
Street Bulettes
SWAT Katoblepas
Teenage Mutant Ninja Tarrasques
2 Foo Dogs
Flumph Troop
Rugrocs
Hey Ankheg!
The Ambiguously Fae Duo
The Angry Bugbears
Extreme Spiritcatchers
The Wild Xornberrys

Lurdiak
Feb 26, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.


Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea!



"Spaceketeers, blaze on!"

Real Name: Keldrin Sorbo

[ELX] - 10:00 SAT - TV-PG
Thrills! Danger! Astral Ogres! Adventure! Romance! It's Captain Stardasher and the Spaceketeers! Don't miss the daring adventures of Captain Flash Stardasher, the greatest hero of the Astral Sea, as he commands his crew of faithful Spaceketeers aboard the Spelljammer Bold Falcon. With his trusty companions: Thrannok the Dwarf Cyborg, his second-in-command Julion Hopenova, and the lovely and mysterious Deva, Jael Nisunt, he leads the Bold Falcon in the war against the evil General Blackwing, Draconian leader of the evil Iron Star imperial army!

Thrill as he contends with the luscious but deadly Scorpiana, leader of the Blue Scorpion Githyanki pirates! Chill as he discovers strange new life forms and alien threats! Cheer as he uses his wits, daring, and laser swordsmanship to stay one step ahead of his rival, Count Redblade, as they fight for the heart of Princess Honeysong, rightful heir to the galactic throne! Whether they face Astral Dragons or primitive alien orcs, the Bold Falcon and its crew will never give up the fight for freedom!

Spaceketeers, blaze on! And don't forget to stay tuned afterwards for Bardarricia, Stellar Amazon!



Keldrin's once-popular campy, low-budget saturday morning sci-fi show has been losing viewers pretty badly ever since a game show featuring Goblin contestants and vats of acid has started airing opposite. The network has decided to have him enter Dungeon Attack as a way to revive flagging interest in the series, because they figured it was cheaper than hiring better writers(and if Keldrin happens to die, they don't have to pay him for the 8 remaining seasons his contract guarantees him). Keldrin was a nobody before landing the gig and has absolutely no backup plan if the show goes off the air, so he readily agreed.

Face
Keldrin has let his role go to his head, meaning he truly lives the part of a dashing adventurer who stands for good and justice. A consummate showman and used to being treated as a star, he's insufferably cocky and his clean-cut goody-two-shoes act clashes horridly with the edgy anti-heroes that populate Dungeon Attack.

Sponsor


ELX Entertainment Network, bringing you the finest shows for over half a decade! Home of 'You drat Kid!', 'Grace under Coldfire', 'Warforged Gladiators', 'The Knife Room' and 'Dragon's Den (with actual dragons)'.

quote:

Flash Stardasher
Race:
Elf
Class: Dashing (Space!) Hero
Look: Bright Eyes, Fashionable Hat, Flowing Clothes, Toned Body

STR: 13 (+1)
DEX: 16 (+2)
CON: 12 (+0)
INT: 9 (+0)
WIS: 8 (-1)
CHA: 15 (+1)

HP: 20
Damage: 1d8

Drive: Ham it up! (Face)- Show off, spout one-liners, give corny speeches, smile for the cameras. You're here to sell a product, and the product is you.

STARTING MOVES

A Lover In Every Port (CHA)
When you enter a town that you’ve been to before (your call), roll +CHA. On a 10+
there’s an old flame of yours who is willing to assist you somehow. On a 7-9, they’re
willing to help you, for a price. On a miss, your romantic misadventures make life
more complicated for the party.

Daring Devil (DEX)
When you laugh confidently before performing a crazy acrobatic feat, describe it
and roll +DEX. On a 10+, choose three. On a 7-9, choose two:
• You end up exactly where you want to be
• You don't attract unwanted attention
• You grab someone nearby and bring them along with you
• You show off and feel fantastic about it - take +1 forward

Parry (DEX)
When you parry an enemy's attack with your blade, roll+DEX. On a 10+, choose 2.
On a 7-9, choose 1:
•You take no damage.
•You deal damage equal to your level to your opponent.
•You lock blades with them, keeping their full attention.
(As an elf, Flash ignores armor when dealing damage with Parry)

Plan of Action
There is always a chandelier, rope, window, cart, easily-spooked herd of livestock, or
similar unusual environmental hazard handy in any situation in which it would be
convenient for you and remotely plausible.

True Love and High Adventure
When you attempt to enact a daring plan OR defend the honor of a friend or lover,
gain 3 hold. You can spend 1-hold to take +1 to any Parry, Defy Danger, or Daring
Devil roll made to advance your daring plan or defend their honor. You lose all of this
hold after successfully defending their honor or finishing your plan.

Gear (Load - 5/20)
-Shining Spaceketeer Armor (1 armor, 1 weight), an armor emblazoned with the Spaceketeer logo
-Dueling Laser Rapier (close, precise, 1 weight), emits a soft blue light, the signature Spaceketeer weapon
-Throwing Beamstars (hand, near, 1 weight), tiny metal disks that sprout 5 golden laser edges when thrown (ammo 3)
-Laser Pistol (1 weight), the pistol used by Spacekeeters on the show. Completely non-functional, emits tiny sparks and makes a "pew pew" sound when the trigger is pressed. The network forces Flash to carry it for brand synergy.
-Spacekeeter Rations, from Tastyco! (5 uses, 1 weight)
-Comet, the Captain's personal Hoverbike. Extremely minimalistic and sleek, this silver hoverbike has the Spaceketeer logo emblazoned on the shield and a holographic comet decal on the sides. Has been used in many exciting chase scenes. Seats two.

Bonds
Kag needs to work on his appearance. Like, seriously. Gross.
Stu-D is someone I can rely on to make me look good.
Riot needs education on this heroing business, and I will provide it whether she wants it or not.
____ realizes just how great I am.

Lurdiak fucked around with this message at 10:00 on Jan 11, 2014

saberwulf
Mar 3, 2009

Pipe rifles and snack cakes.


Welcome back to DSPN! Now I know everyone loves to see me, the ever-handsome Nikolai, on the screen. But folks, I think you're gonna love this next face. Interviewing our contestants tonight is the only crawler to ever survive the Death Heart Delve, the gorgeous Aljanis Doth'khuul!"



"You're suck a charmer, Nik! Now, let's meet those crawlers!"

Vanilloideae Icer

Icer, I know some orphaned youths who've really connected with the surprisingly violent message about 'getting to the top' in your beats. In fact, your story of success has made you a role model for impoverished half-breed teens all over the Aurican Nation. Tell me about the struggles you faced as a rising half-troll musician.

Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms

I have family in Torrek, so I know just how hard it must've been to get that SaA patch. Tell me about the infamous night when rival gang Vecna's Hand attacked, and Devil Comets almost lost it all.

Aristotle Atom

Now that's a confident looking crawler! Craftsmage are a company devoted to always providing the perfect solution to any job. Tell me Aristotle, what made Craftsmage mark you as sharpest tool in the shed?

Slaine

Slaine, your hunky, manly strength has carried you this far, but these games are a frying pan. What's driving you to beat the heat?

Kallen "Riot" Dari

Rock on, grrl! Riot, the press are critical of your approach to education and televised bloodsport. What's inspired you to take this route, and what do you have to say to the old-school haters?

Captain Planet

Captain, your ruthless nature in the dungeon is drawing a lot of controversy from eco-organizations. PETMA has openly denounced your actions, saying you're as bad as the megacorps. Any comment?

Stu-D

Good to see you back on the circuit, Stu-D! You previously left on a high note that helped boost your band's sales to the top of the charts. Tell us again about that action-packed crawl.

LOOP SKAT3MAN

It's been a while, LOOP. I haven't seen you since that fantastic first place at the Sharn Downhill! Now LOOP, you're still quite new to DA. What's the main factor in your confidence to clear some dungeons tonight?

Dai Lup

Konbanwa, Dai Lup! Now Dai, your history and training have been kept pretty secret since you hit the circuit. Mind leaking some exclusive details to DSPN on the man behind the discs?

Ty Poggins

Ty, there's been reports that Slaymates' newest toy 'My Pal Abby' are actual just magically shrunken aboleths, and are currently mind-controlling hundreds of kids all across the Aurican nation. Any comment?

Ajax Rudiger

Ajax, I know addiction and rehab were hard for you. Now that you're clean, what's your goal in joining the circuit?

Grizztle McThornbody

Spinnerets are totally cool with me. Then again, I'm the guy who homebrews Drow as being spiderelf monsters with eight eyes and chitin in my games.

The public are skeptical on allowing Drow into the games lately, due to the fact that the Underdark tried to consume every tournament they lost. Any words to change their minds?

Flash Stardasher

Flash, I've heard rumors Count Redblade might be a contestant at tonight's games. Will the dashing captain be able to thwart his rival if blades are crossed? Also, would you mind an autograph? I'm a massive fan!

Lurdiak
Feb 26, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.


saberwulf posted:



Flash Stardasher

Flash, I've heard rumors Count Redblade might be a contestant at tonight's games. Will the dashing captain be able to thwart his rival if blades are crossed? Also, would you mind an autograph? I'm a massive fan!

*Flash looks momentarily at a loss*

"Hank never said anything about..." he mumbles, before catching himself. "Er-hem!" he continues, his voice suddenly confident and full of pep. "I've heard those selfsame rumors myself, Aljanis, and I'm not worried. Nothing's going to stop me from leading my team to victory tonight. While it's true that the Count is the only man in the galaxy who's blade can match mine, I've always managed to come out ahead of our little scuffles. He'll need more than his red laser rapier if he hopes to even slow me down!

I'm sure he's still stinging from that scar I gave him during that incident on Perseion-5. A shame our duel was interrupted by the 11-headed Crystal Hydra, forcing us to form a grudging alliance until Princess Honeysong could reach the escape pods. Perhaps today is the day we see who the most gallant swordsman in the quadrant truly is!"

He holds his sword aloft, holding the pose for an exact 5 seconds, smiling broadly.

"Oh, but how rude of me!" he continues, pulling out a glossy 8x12 photo and a felt marker. "It's always great to meet a fan."



"I trust you'll be cheering me on from the gallery, my dear?" Flash says as he hands the autograph over with an exaggerated bow and wink.

Lurdiak fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Jan 4, 2014

The Deleter
May 22, 2010

saberwulf posted:



Stu-D

Good to see you back on the circuit, Stu-D! You previously left on a high note that helped boost your band's sales to the top of the charts. Tell us again about that action-packed crawl.

Stu-D stubs out his cigarette and affects a ten-carat dopey grin.

"Aw, i' was ace, missus! Last one, dat were da jungle run, dat was. Spike pits, vines, buncha mankey monkeys throwin' barrels - fuckin' mint. Was up 'gainst free uvvers in a big ol' maze. Sad ter hear 'bout da dryad. She should 'ave remembered 'bout da wobbly bridge. First I 'eard of i' was when da kill coun'er flashed up, I must 'ave been miles away from 'er. Anyway, if yew 'as a butchers at da last run, wiv just me an' da orc lady crawlin' up da temple t' get da Silver Monkey, yew got some proper classic Dungeon Crawl action there. 'specially when I got her in th' face wiv a ghostie. Cor."

One hand scratches the mop of untidy blue hair.

"Seemed easy peasy at da time, tho'." His brow furrows. "Yew see all dem kids on da early shows, righ', they keep goin' in da wrong soddin' rooms an' le'in' the monkeys take their loot. Dilly buggers. 'Course, you don' ge' them jaffas on the pro circuit, yeah? They know what they's doin'. More excitin' like dat."

The frown vanishes like it was never there. "Talkin' 'bout excitin', we got sum fellas doin' remixes of our stuff. How cool is tha'? Gordon Bennet! Got a whole LP comin' up fulla da things, comin' out this April. Maybe you'll hear sum tracks in me next run, yeah? Keep yer eyes open, fellas!"

BrotherAdso
May 22, 2008

stat rosa pristina nomine
nomina nuda tenemus

Aljanis Doth'khuul posted:



"Rock on, grrl! Riot, the press are critical of your approach to education and televised bloodsport. What's inspired you to take this route, and what do you have to say to the old-school haters?"



Riot takes off her helmet and hangs it from her belt

"First -- Aljanis, you are one rear end kicking grrl yourself. Your time in the dungeons was the thing that made me see this could be a place to fight the power from."

Riot takes out her "wand" - a modified club crackling with dangerous energy, and casually begins twirling it, her eye glinting just a little

"And the press - gently caress 'em. And, you know I love you, but gently caress you, too, Aljanis, for being so desperate for dollars you'd sit here giving them some credibility by framing their questions for them. If they want to -- mind if I take this mic? --

she grabs the mic out of Aljanis' hands rather than leaning into it to speak in the accepted manner of dungeon-side interviews

-- If they want to tell me kicking rear end isn't a way to be a role model, call it "bloodsport," those little pencil pushing misogynist dickless wonders, then they best get up here so I can educate them a little about bloodsport."

"I came up this way because it's the only way to make change for all my friends and comrades in the struggle. In a classroom, you change thirty or forty minds at once, and here I'm gonna bring the riot to millions. Normal protests get their teeth kicked in by the approved ogre shock squads sent in by the Power. Here on Dungeon Adventure I can show off our power in full view of everyone and no mayor or police gonna stop me. NuMage and MageU and me are gonna show people magic is for the people, and ---

she tosses the mic in the air and shouts the last lines as she cracks it across the arena with her 'wand'

-- they're gonna take their power back."

OOC

Alignment Good: Use magic to help people - become free of the system's bullshit. Each challenge in the dungeon is a chance to show people that a new wave is taking charge -- and they can be part of it, and get my help, or be part of the Power and get screwed. This could involve showing up or even harming people like my ex-boyfriend or elitist professors. It could involve showing up old-fashioned dashing heroics types and corporate mouthpieces. It could involve talking trash to the press corps, or generally acting riotous. It might even sometimes involve saving people from danger, just so they owe me and not the Power. However, Riot doesn't basically like or want to cause harm (not evil) nor does she have academic interest in magical mysteries except as means to an end (not neutral). Possible aventure hook experiences: participation in campus riots, her very normal past, her ego-riven relationships with other activists, etc.

BrotherAdso fucked around with this message at 01:29 on Jan 5, 2014

EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

saberwulf posted:





Ty Poggins

Ty, there's been reports that Slaymates' newest toy 'My Pal Abby' are actual just magically shrunken aboleths, and are currently mind-controlling hundreds of kids all across the Aurican nation. Any comment?


Taking a moment to comport himself, unused to being in front of the camera, Ty wipes his brow, though it does little to affect the seemingly endless battle between his dignity and flop sweat. "Uh, d-don't be, uh, *ahem* don't be ridiculous! My Pal Abby is simply a quality simulacrum designed by our crack team of Ad Wizards, made to look and sound like an adorable, lovable aboleth, but it's not at all real. But it's alright, these sorts of rumors happen all the time, ever since Bhaatel's My Little Flayer line turned out to be actual Illithid looking to snack on innocent children. We don't support that kind of conspicuous consumption at Slaymates Toys. That's why Slaymates has a committment to quality and safety in all of our funderful toys and children's products!"

Seeming to notice once more than he's not in a recording booth, he tenses up again and clears his throat nervously. "Well, anyway, that's the, uh, way it is. No real aboleths, no siree." He luckily avoids admitting that, despite that, the toys are still subjecting children to mind control, just on behalf of Slaymates, rather than the dark will of the Aboleth.

FewtureMD
Dec 19, 2010

I am very powerful, of course.

Hey K.A., the Living Mascot.

Due to the recent popularity surge of caffienated energy drinks, sales of Kold-Aid have plummeted. The executives at the Krafter Corporation have extensively focus-grouped a solution to this problem. After interviewing several "teens with attitude", Dungeon Attack was determined to be the most often talked about thing. All the brand sponsors were seen as "radical" and "keen", so the Corp decided to take things one step further. After all, hiring some schmuck of a fighter to plaster a logo on their shield was so passe. Why not make a living representation of the refreshing power of Kold-Aid? The company warlocks set to work. They mixed together several hundred gallons of water, a heroic amount of Kold-Aid powder, several potent mystical herbs, and a soulstone of a recently deceased factory worker.

Hey K.A.'s first words upon his "birth" were : "I'm delicious!", and the experiment was deemed a success. Now on the eve of his first DA match, HKA is ready to go and prove his worth, as well as improve the market share of the very substance he was created from. GOOOOO KOLD-AID!

pre:
Name: Hey K.A.
Look: Painted-on Face, Bulky Body, Brand New
Class: Golem

Composition: Liquid
You are made of something delicious and liquid, namely a large amount of enchanted cherry Kold-Aid. Your body is incredibly flexible, and you can squeeze
through gaps of any size.

Drive: Fufill the Directive
Successfully advance the agenda of the Krafter Corporation, and the cooling delight that is Kold-Aid.

HP: 23
Armor: 1
Damage: d8

Stats
STR 15
DEX 16
CON 13
INT 12
WIS 8
CHA 9

Moves
Eternal Sentinel
You do not need to eat, drink, or sleep, as you are entirely devoted to spreading the cherry taste that Kold-Aid delivers. When a move tells you to mark rations, ignore it. 
You cannot be healed by healing potions, bandages, or poultices and herbs.
You are healed normally by other methods. 
1 use of a repair kit can be used to heal you by 4 HP.

Built for Battle
You were built to fight, and promote the refreshing and energy-giving cherry taste of Kold-Aid. Your body is a weapon with the Hand and Close tags.
Choose two of the following:
 *Armored - your body has +1 Armor
 Burning - your body leaves lasting, burning wounds on those you damage
 Caustic - your body has the Piercing 2 tag
 Detachable - your body has the Near tag, and does not need ammo. When a move
  tells you to mark ammo, take 1d4 damage that ignores armor instead.
 *Flexible - your body has the Precise tag
 Violent - your body has the Messy and Forceful tags

Prime Directive
When someone you have a bond with gives you an order, you take +1 forward to fulfill
that order. When you take an action that ignores, resists, or directly contradicts an order
given to you by someone you have a bond with, take -1 to that action. When someone you
have a bond with gives you an order you absolutely refuse to follow, at any time before
the order has been fulfilled, you may erase one of your bonds with that player to ignore that
order completely.

Oh Yeah!(Unstoppable Force) (DEX)
When you try to remove or plow through all obstacles in your way, roll +Force. On a
10+, hold three. 
On a 7-9, hold two. On a 6-, hold 1, but when you spend it, the GM will add a complication. 
Spend 1-hold at any time to do one of the following:
• Force your way past an obstacle in your path
• Distract, lift, or force aside an obstacle long enough for an ally or two to get past it
• Cause great damage to an inanimate object or obstacle that is in your way


Gear
- A personal keepsake you hold dear (0 weight)A boombox used to play the Kold-Aid theme whenever Hey K.A enters a room.
Load 0/9

Bonds
_____________ helped make me who I am today.
I care deeply about _____________ .
My creator says I must aid _____________ .
More to come in a bit!

FewtureMD fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Jan 8, 2014

Auralsaurus Flex
Aug 3, 2012

Aljanis Doth'khuul posted:



LOOP SKAT3MAN

It's been a while, LOOP. I haven't seen you since that fantastic first place at the Sharn Downhill! Now LOOP, you're still quite new to DA. What's the main factor in your confidence to clear some dungeons tonight?


LOOP leans in and speaks into the mic rather exuberantly in a voice that is likely too loud for a pre-crawl dungeonside interview, instead being accustomed to talking over the roaring crowd during a post-competition chat, "Yeah, dude! That downhill was so sick! Bombing off the Skyway and rippin' it all the way down to the Cogs was totally rad! But yeah man, like, for the delve, I think attacking the dungeon like it's just another half-pipe or piece of park terrain will be, like, completely crucial in maintaining my confidence going forward in tonight's crawl. I'm just gonna be all like SWOOSH!" The drow makes an exaggerated gesture with his hand as if someone was slaloming down an inclined half-pipe, "and give it 110% all the way, brah."

"That's what I'm gonna do, Miss Aljanis; the dungeon's just like any other piece of terrain, just, like, underground or whatever."

Auralsaurus Flex fucked around with this message at 06:40 on Jan 6, 2014

Electric Hobo
Oct 22, 2008


Grimey Drawer

saberwulf posted:



Vanilloideae Icer

Icer, I know some orphaned youths who've really connected with the surprisingly violent message about 'getting to the top' in your beats. In fact, your story of success has made you a role model for impoverished half-breed teens all over the Aurican Nation. Tell me about the struggles you faced as a rising half-troll musician.

"I think you're misunderstanding something! I never struggled! I fought and I bled, but you just have to want it bad enough!" Icer drops his BattleBoxTM on the ground and pulls a quick pose in case any fans are nearby. "I started dropping the beat back when I got my first tape-recorder, living in the ghetto. I worked hard, but it's no struggle when you have the raw talent and will to succeed that I do." he continues while pointing at himself with both thumbs. Then he almost looks thoughtful for a second before he continues his speech.
"There were people in the way though. The Pure Boys gang were always hassling us, busting our gear and breaking our teeth in the early year, then stabbing at us later. It stopped when I took over the Halfie gang and declared war on those bastards. I stomped them into the ground. I only won and moved on because I wanted it bad enough." Icer smiles at the memories. "The Pure Boys leaders got away though. Those cowards bailed the second the war turned bad for them. I was right on the heels of their boss, Radical Spike, when they took off so I don't really blame him for making GBS threads his pants."
He smiles broadly at the end of the speech, then looks around at the small group of fans that's gathered around him. Then he winks at Aljanis and stick out his tongue. "I'll show you my scars sometime."

QuantumNinja
Mar 8, 2013

Trust me.
I pretend to be a ninja.

saberwulf posted:



Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms

I have family in Torrek, so I know just how hard it must've been to get that SaA patch. Tell me about the infamous night when rival gang Vecna's Hand attacked, and Devil Comets almost lost it all.

"Aljanis, are you seriously askin' me about club secrets? That's grounds for a lashing! No, but in all seriousness, there we were, right? In downtown Torrek, at the corner of Luchasa and Brill, and we were each haulin' a kilo of rage powder on our bikes. Most of us had been on Acrobat's Patch for hours, for the whole run back from Dolf, and we were ridin' high when a bunch a fuckin' skeletons show up in the intersection."

Kag laughed, and pulled his leather jacket on tighter. "So what do I do? I pull out Tanya---that's my spear---and barrel into 'em. We break out into a melee, and Jacko is throwin' fireballs---that's the night the Britcher building got destroyed. And then the Hands ride up on us, on those weird-rear end glowy horses of theirs, and I figure, gently caress it, how bad can they actually be?"

The goblin have himself a pleased nod. It was hard to tell if he was having more fun telling the story or acting jeering on television. "What we didn't know was they has made a deal with a gods-damned Soul Reaper. This loving thing appears, twelve feet tall, in its back robe, holding this shiny scythe in its claws. Before I knew what happened, Tacker's guts were all over my wolf and Jacko's in the streets pissing himself."

The goblin let out a laugh, and it seemed halfway to a shriek. "So I grab the kilo of rage powder out of my bag and I just throw it at the fuckin' Handers. It fell all over them, and all their focus---all their control---fell away. I managed to get enough order together in the Comets to bail as the skeletons started a free-for-all. Last I saw the Soul Reaper was running down the street after Tannert, the Vecna Hand president."

By this point, Kag was splitting his sides with laughter, and pounding the table with his fist. "Anyway, as you can imagine, we made it through the scrape, sold the rage powder, and Vecna's Hands didn't mess with us again. Hahahahahaha."

QuantumNinja fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Jan 6, 2014

Bucnasti
Aug 14, 2012

I'll Fetch My Sarcasm Robes

saberwulf posted:


Aristotle Atom

Now that's a confident looking crawler! Craftsmage are a company devoted to always providing the perfect solution to any job. Tell me Aristotle, what made Craftsmage mark you as sharpest tool in the shed?


Thank you for your time Miss Doth'khuul. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. As to your question, although I would like to say that our partnership can be attributed to my astounding intelligence and sparkling conversation ability alone, the truth is Craftsmage and I have had a long relationship going back to before my days as a Dungeon Crawler. As you may know I hold over 200 patents in the areas of Alchemy and Artifacting, many of which I licensed to Craftsmage years ago, as a matter of fact take this Craftsmage Telescoping Field Rod, this is based on my original design from seven years ago, now it's considered the industry standard for arcanolectrik field manipulation. Two years ago Craftsmage brought me on to oversee their field testing efforts where I've contributed design improvements to nearly seven thousand individual tools and apparatus, it was only natural that when I decided to make the move to Dungeon Attack that Craftsmage would be there with me.

Manofmanusernames
Jul 27, 2012

Jackass.

saberwulf posted:



Ajax Rudiger

Ajax, I know addiction and rehab were hard for you. Now that you're clean, what's your goal in joining the circuit?

Well ever since I was little my home has always been in the spot light. On a stage is the only place where I feel truly and completely comfortable. People think the drugs ended my career. It was really the other way around. I started to take the drugs because I knew my career was ending. But nothing I could stick into my arm with a needle could replace the high I got in front of a camera. That's why I'm here you see. To be in front of the camera, in front of people. Also to be perfectly honest I was hoping this stint in the DA circuit would help jump start my acting career. SlumLabs already has me doing commercials for a lot of they're products so hopefully a studio will notice me soon.

Alumnus Post
Dec 29, 2009

They are weird and troubling. We owe it to our neighbors to kill them.
Pillbug

Aljanis Doth'Khuul posted:



Grizztle McThornbody

Spinnerets are totally cool with me. Then again, I'm the guy who homebrews Drow as being spiderelf monsters with eight eyes and chitin in my games.

The public are skeptical on allowing Drow into the games lately, due to the fact that the Underdark tried to consume every tournament they lost. Any words to change their minds?

If you want a spiderelf monster with eight eyes and chitin in here, that's just fiiiine by me. My original concept for this guy looked like a cross between a younger Henry J. Waternoose, Guy Fieri, and the cool old dad from the Cold Steel videos. I'd draw the SOB, but I'm no artist. For the suit, more of an Iron Man-esque partial body covering, rather than a bigger-than-you-are mecha. Does all this gel with you?

“Thank you for asking, Aljanis. I’d hoped you would. I want to say, right now, that everything has changed since those black days. No more are we the shameful race that fell on its knives after our disastrous defeat to the Sous-Terre goblin tribe at the World Cooking Wars. No more are we the arrogant bastards that went to war against the kuo-toa for the high crime of using bats as meat, instead of poultry.”

Grizztle grabs the mic out of Aljanis’ hand, eyes blazing. “The Chef-King, in his infinite wisdom, has received a new culinary vision to stir the hearts of every drow. The revered Three Mothers of spider eggs, deathcap mushrooms, and jellied blood must no longer serve as the sole roots of every dish we cook. If the drow race wishes to retake its rightful place as the leaders of culinary society, we must tailor our dishes not only for the refined palates of the drow, but also for the tastes and preferences of every thinking race under the sun!”

“Ariadne Technologies is merely the herald of a great change to come. No more will my kind languish in the dank kitchens of Wiggleworm’s or (grimace) Barbark’s Carrion Hut, toiling endlessly on inferior, mass-produced dishes, while the culinary world looks upon our fallen dreams and laughs.” He looks directly into the camera. “All of you out there, just wait and see. You’ll learn what art the race of drow can create--and here on Dungeon Attack, it’s going to be yours truly showing you the truth to my words tonight.”

He hands the mic back. “Thank you for your time tonight, Aljanis. It’s been a pleasure. Stop by Menzobaconzan’s sometime, and I’ll personally treat you to the best bulettini alfredo this side of the Kuen-Xhi Mountains. It’s really something - they sautee it over a carpet of live fire beetles.”

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Something Else
Dec 27, 2004

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

saberwulf posted:


Dai Lup

Konbanwa, Dai Lup! Now Dai, your history and training have been kept pretty secret since you hit the circuit. Mind leaking some exclusive details to DSPN on the man behind the discs?


Dai Lup flexes the olfactory ducts at the corners of his eyes, taking in the chaos of the media holding area. "Hm. Our ways must seem quite strange to one as beautiful as you, Aljanis-san. Why do we continue to uphold our traditions of honor, even as the once-great empire of Ka'Nishvili falls into decline? Why indeed do our great corporations produce such magicnological wonders for the world to enjoy, even as our people cannot afford fungus for their mounts? For me, there is no answer to these questions. My loyalty to the venerable Dungeon On-Line corporation obliterates the need for questions. They pay my salary, without which I could not feed my larva."

Dai unlatches a disc from his armor and grips it around the curved edge. With his other index claw, he etches a complex rune into its underside, then drags his claw around the disc until it meets the rune from the other side, a ruddy orange magical aura coalescing above the disc as he does! When his claw meets the rune, an image comes into focus - a yard outside a traditional Nishvi house, lined with tall, thin fungal stalks, caps shifting slightly with the wind. From the side, two scaly shapes come tumbling in, constantly repositioning and striking at each other with practice swords! "Good. They are training. The larger one is Dai Ling, and his brother is Dai Lout."

The young geckos seem to notice whatever arcane device is scrying them, and gather 'round - but the encouragement they're sending to their father is silent, limited by the enchantment on the disc. Just as a slender salamander slides open the door, the aura begins to dissipate, and it's gone before she even gets close. Dai Lup's long, thin tongue flickers ever so slightly. "Of course, there are always more magicnological advances to be made. Good that our benevolent corporations are striving ahead for the well-being of their customers." Dai snaps the disc in half and drops the pieces in the dirt.

Dai looks around at the heat, shimmering in the air above the arena. "This is not my first time in your City of Brass. Before today I worked a corporate accounts manager for DOL. I was sent as far as Koboldonia to, ah - personally, see to it that all debts owed are paid. Hm, you see - Nishvi corporations have honor. A deal is a deal. The contract is sacred. Outsiders, not so much - fortunately, blood is legal tender everywhere, is it not? DOL chose me as their champion because I, among all in their employ, emerged victorious from a grueling tournament of single combat. Many died, though I never killed anyone who did not request it of me. You seem shocked. They would beg after I had bested them, such was their shame. Though they need not. I was happy to oblige, because it meant sending them to their grave with honor to their name. There is no more honorable act." He takes a deep breath. "I like it here. It makes my blood boil with a thirst for battle, and glory! Sayonara, Aljanis-san, and remember - Dungeon On-Line starts at just twenty gold pieces per month."

Dai Lup bows deeply and departs to mend his armor in preparation for the frenzy ahead...

Something Else fucked around with this message at 10:29 on Jan 6, 2014

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