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crowfeathers posted:guy dressed like House beats up surgery patient These guys always act so smart and above-it-all but the writing in this story (and many others) is embarrassingly sub-literate. Did this come from TVTropes?
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Jan 3, 2014 09:19
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Tunicate posted:http://notalwayslearning.com/has-to-pull-up-her-sleeves-for-this-one/33336 Wait, I don't get it. She tried to cut her own head off and paralyzed herself? Thank god she had a Powerpoint ready to go in case she ever needed to scare the poo poo out of children.
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Jan 3, 2014 09:24
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bringmyfishback posted:Wait, I don't get it. She tried to cut her own head off and paralyzed herself? I think we're supposed to take away that she was trying to commit suicide by hanging herself. That's the reason for the ligature marks. That means the writer has no real idea what he or she is talking about, though, since the damage to the spine would only come from a drop hanging. If the teacher was slowly suffocating to death, that means a suspension hanging, i.e., she literally just hung herself without jumping or dropping from any distance. That'd leave ligature marks, decreased muscle capability in the neck, and maybe brain damage from lack of oxygen. But complete paralysis from the neck down doesn't seem likely. And gently caress NAL for that lovely, lovely attempt at anti-bullying glurge. Like any middle schooler talks the way the bully did and like basically telling the bully, "Hey, keep harassing that girl and, um, nothing will ever happen to you, and she either will kill herself or become a teacher who still gets bullied with impunity by middle schoolers!" Ugh. I hated bullshit explanations and advice on handling bullies enough when I younger and severely bullied, but I never came across anything as dumb as this NAL submission.
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Jan 3, 2014 09:41
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ibntumart posted:I think we're supposed to take away that she was trying to commit suicide by hanging herself. That's the reason for the ligature marks. She was bullied because she was in a chair. Read it again.
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Jan 3, 2014 15:07
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Haggis Heed posted:She was bullied because she was in a chair. Read it again. e: also seconding that bullying is about power, showing a slideshow of "Look how much power you have when you bully!" is not a good idea. Splicer has a new favorite as of 15:25 on Jan 3, 2014 |
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Jan 3, 2014 15:22
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Yeah I'm a sperg. I read the part about the princess picture of her on a chair as her being in a chair.
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Jan 3, 2014 15:38
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Question: What is the most stupid, egotistical,  way to re-open a thread on the recent school shooting in Colorado?Answer: quote:Ugh! Not again!
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Jan 3, 2014 20:15
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quote:College was a time of experimentation for me. Recently freed from the shackles of Christianity, I was finally able to try the things I'd wanted to during high school. Namely, sexual pastimes. I'm sorry but... "hammering" the G-spot?
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Jan 3, 2014 20:57
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Clochette posted:I'm sorry but... "hammering" the G-spot? And "reached back" just where the heck does he think that thing is? Hey dude, if she falls silent, you're totally doing it wrong. 
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Jan 3, 2014 21:22
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Obviously a fantasy written by someone who wouldn't know what to do with a naked woman in the unlikely event he had access to one.
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Jan 3, 2014 22:03
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Clochette posted:I'm sorry but... "hammering" the G-spot? Yeah, that's a load of poo poo. I'm also having a hard time visualizing how these people were supposedly positioned or where he thinks the G-spot is when he says "I reached back..."
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Jan 3, 2014 22:22
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Also, even in his fantasies his lovemaking is only just good enough to make his girlfriend briefly pause in the middle of casually chatting about her day.
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Jan 3, 2014 22:28
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Clochette posted:I'm sorry but... "hammering" the G-spot? What kind of cartoon character would put their clothes on start leaving because their girlfriend(?) play-punched them.
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Jan 3, 2014 22:36
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walrusman posted:These guys always act so smart and above-it-all but the writing in this story (and many others) is embarrassingly sub-literate. Did this come from TVTropes? It's actually from STORG. They have some great stories. quote:Hours of hunger and anticipation for pancakes at 2 a.m. was finally going to be satiated. We sat down, and instantly began small talk with our waitress, mainly because of the fact that Sean wanted to bang her. After several pancakes, sausages, and chicken fried steak, we were quite full, but not full enough to realize what was entering the door. A few kids about our age entered, one with dreads in his hair. We all assumed that naturally, they were high or tripping balls, which is still up for consideration. However it was not their lack of soberness that was surprising us. The kid with dreads continued around the corner, and still Brian thought that because of his rasta hair he was a huge badass. Despite Brians high expectations he then began to roar, like a pterodactyl would roar. It was actually very convincing, and he quite possibly could have been on acid and actually thinking he was a pterodactyl. Thinking that was the extent of this catastrophe, we continued to eat and converse and laugh on our 2am high. We then glanced back to the Jamaican Rasta boy who was now rounding our table and his lower torso and legs were now coming into sight. It was just at this moment I realized that this Jamaican pterodactyl was also very much a cross-dressing Goth, sporting the mini skirt and fishnets. It was quite a sight and our whole table burst into laughter as he continued by to his table.
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Jan 3, 2014 22:46
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Morkyz posted:Also, even in his fantasies his lovemaking is only just good enough to make his girlfriend briefly pause in the middle of casually chatting about her day. Well that and it's kind of that typical weirdo fantasy that the G-spot is this magical sex button that no woman can resist. It feels good and can enhance sex, but it's not like it renders you mute and incapacitated from sheer sexual ecstasy.
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Jan 3, 2014 23:04
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Clochette posted:I'm sorry but... "hammering" the G-spot? Clearly it's just a console controller "back there". Right?
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Jan 3, 2014 23:42
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Kimmalah posted:Well that and it's kind of that typical weirdo fantasy that the G-spot is this magical sex button that no woman can resist. It feels good and can enhance sex, but it's not like it renders you mute and incapacitated from sheer sexual ecstasy. I like to imagine he was literally using a tiny hammer, and that her speechlessness was out of disturbed confusion than pleasure.
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Jan 3, 2014 23:45
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He probably thinks that the G-spot is the clitoris, and is just insufferably smug about having "found" it. 
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Jan 3, 2014 23:45
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sweeperbravo posted:I like to imagine he was literally using a tiny hammer, and that her speechlessness was out of disturbed confusion than pleasure. Or confusion because "What the hell why are you even reaching for?!"
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Jan 4, 2014 00:07
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Kimmalah posted:. It feels good and can enhance sex, but it's not like it renders you mute and incapacitated from sheer sexual ecstasy. It does if you know what you're doing. Or if you're an under sexed loser who bases his tepid fantasies on lovely porn, and honestly believes that all that poo poo works in real life.
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Jan 4, 2014 00:41
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In The Bushes posted:It does if you know what you're doing. Or if you're an under sexed loser who bases his tepid fantasies on lovely porn, and honestly believes that all that poo poo works in real life. Maybe it does for some people, but it doesn't for me and I'm sure plenty of other people. It's not a universal thing.
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Jan 4, 2014 00:58
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In The Bushes posted:It does if you know what you're doing. Or if you're an under sexed loser who bases his tepid fantasies on lovely porn, and honestly believes that all that poo poo works in real life. So the kind of person who takes the Sex Tips in Cosmo a little too seriously? There was a very shortly lived thread in PYF that was "Post your favorite horrible Cosmo sex tip" or something like that. When you're a dumb teenager and you read them, you don't really get caught up in and perturbed by the logistical issues, but looking back on them as an adult they're pretty hilarious. A lot of them read pretty distinctly as STDH. I have a Twist magazine from 2003 somewhere in my bedroom, I'll try to find it and mine a few gold bricks from it. That magazine, at least when I subscribed to it, was absolutely brimming with reader-submitted STDH. There were at least three separate "Embarassing Story" sections, and one that was like basically revenge or show-off-how-cool-you-were-one-time stories. One segment was dedicated to gross/weird/freaky stories, which sadly probably contained the most truthful accounts.
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Jan 4, 2014 01:38
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crowfeathers posted:It's actually from STORG. They have some great stories. Storg seems even more not happening than the Not Always circuit quote:It's a terrible thing, driving around the suburbs of my city; they're crowded with slack-jawed, hummer-driving jagoffs who would be better off staying in their caves rather than imposing their existence on the rest of society everytime they go out for Chik-fil-A and a rousing family trip to Hobby Lobby. Anyhow, I was driving around looking for a job, and, having gotten sick of the idea of becoming a productive member of society, opted for the better of two options: get stoned. I pull up to a busy stoplight and as soon as the car stops moving, I start packing a bowl (not the least inconspicuous piece, either) and as I raise it to my lips and light it, I glance over to my left, where traffic had suddenly cleared out and there stood a police officer, writing a ticket for some poor bastard. Before I can even stop myself from inhaling, he looks up directly at me and locks eyes with mine, which I'm sure widened significantly in that moment. But rather than stop what he's doing, walk over, and take care of my flagrant violation of the law, he was kind enough to remind me that even cops are human; he just bent over double, laughing his rear end off as the light turned green and I pulled away. Lotta pent up resentment there.
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Jan 4, 2014 01:53
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Jan 4, 2014 03:16
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That's obviously a joke, dude.
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Jan 4, 2014 03:19
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From a Fark thread about car rentalsquote:A friend of mine rented a car in Germany, once. Got all the possible insurance coverage on it. When he went to return it, the woman at the counter was going to lunch and said, "Just bring it back afterwards." Because that's really how insurance works 
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Jan 4, 2014 03:27
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quote:My favorite gym schadenfreude happened with some regularity in my old gym. My wife is a stagehand, 6', and a lot stronger than you'd expect in a girl. Dudes would catch her eye and saunter over to the dumbbell rack to grab a 40# to do some bro lifts with. She'd hold their eye and grab a 45# for rows. Haaaaaaa.
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Jan 4, 2014 03:36
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People under 50 use # for pounds?
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Jan 4, 2014 03:37
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Waffleman_ posted:That's obviously a joke, dude. Joke or not, "the teacher promised me an A-" made me laugh.
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Jan 4, 2014 03:37
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Waffleman_ posted:That's obviously a joke, dude. Its a possibility, but Tumblr SJWs are bad enough to post it unironicaly. Poe's law and all that, we may never know.
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Jan 4, 2014 03:38
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Khazar-khum posted:
People ask you to get up out of your wheelchair for "just a minute?" WTF
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Jan 4, 2014 03:45
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This is my favorite STDH ever. Except that it happened - and didn't. It's sort of Schroedinger's STDH. Wil Wheaton posted:When I'm waking up every morning, while my brain is booting up and running its various utilities, strange and random thoughts bounce into my consciousness.
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Jan 4, 2014 04:03
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Sierra Nevadan posted:People ask you to get up out of your wheelchair for "just a minute?" WTF I'm not in a chair, but my Mom was. People assumed she could still 'walk a little ways' because she wasn't paralyzed. Or that she could climb stairs, because this guy on TV was in a chair and they showed him doing all sorts of things. Well, genius, why do you think he was on TV in the first place? Because he was average? I will say that people have become far more sensitive to the needs of wheelchair patients. When I've been stuck in one for a short time, people have gone out of their way to help me. Maybe Mia uses her mind control on them.
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Jan 4, 2014 04:13
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I am not attracted to dark skinned women either. So I can relate to made up fedora guy. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jan 4, 2014 04:15
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Kenny Rogers posted:This is my favorite STDH ever. I don't get how this is stdh. Edit: I don't think he is saying he really read that, I think he is just saying that he when he was half awake, he thought that it would be funny if it did exist. Then later he realized it wasn't as funny as he thought it was. jodai has a new favorite as of 05:31 on Jan 4, 2014 |
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Jan 4, 2014 05:27
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Sierra Nevadan posted:People ask you to get up out of your wheelchair for "just a minute?" WTF People are dickholes. A lot of them assume that if you're not paralysed, you're faking. The looks I've received when I've moved my legs whilst in a wheelchair...
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Jan 4, 2014 13:30
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jodai posted:I don't get how this is stdh. It's stdh because: quote:I never thought it would happen to me, and it didn't. quote:I never thought [poo poo] would happen to me, and [poo poo] didn't [happen].
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Jan 4, 2014 16:51
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Not Always Learning posted:(I’m a brony (male fan of My Little Pony). I’m also interested in Japanese names and cultures. During Japanese class, our class was told to use some form of Japanese name for the rest of the year. I’m dressed in a white shirt.) The story is titled "To Samurais: Bronies Rule".
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Jan 5, 2014 14:37
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Serperoth posted:The story is titled "To Samurais: Bronies Rule". I have a degree in Japanese linguistics. This story makes me so angry I have found myself unable to express it in words or smilies. I'm gonna go lie down and try to forget the entire internet.
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Jan 5, 2014 14:57
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Serperoth posted:The story is titled "To Samurais: Bronies Rule". This might be a defence mechanism my brain has thrown up to protect my faith in humanity, but I refuse to believe this story wasn't written ironically.
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Jan 5, 2014 15:02
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