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Hey y'all, looking for a critique here. Just a stab at the thunderdome prompts, it violates the thunderdome requirements of 1,000 words but meh. I call it: A bad cook. ---- I laughed. On my plate sat the one thing I had requested not to have. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like it, I did. It was just the irony of asking for something and not getting it. It was the pain that came with requesting not to have something happen and having it happen anyways. You know that feeling when you’re fifteen minutes away from your house and you suddenly realize you didn’t shut your door all the way before you left? It’s like grit between your toes in boots that take five minutes to lace… no, it’s worse than that. It’s like taking the boots off, finding the grit, removing it, putting them back on lacing them up only to feel more grit find its way between your toes. I sighed. My fork made small mountains in the food before me. I imagined tiny people running from an uncontrollable landslide. I had to wonder if she knew? I figured perhaps she just hadn’t heard me or maybe she had thought I was joking. The thought however didn’t seem to have any real basis. She had looked me in the eyes. I had said only one clear thing. She smiled and walked away. Now I had in front of me the one thing I told her not to get. It wasn’t that I had something I didn’t want. What made it worse was that I wasn’t brave enough to tell her. I remembered. The first few days had been great. There was nothing but endless fun and happiness. Understanding perhaps? I had felt it. Just biology I told myself. I felt like I had found my other half, someone who was different enough to draw me in, but someone who nonetheless found value in the same things I did. I had thought that was the case. Now I wasn’t so sure. I wondered. It still didn’t make sense to me. Maybe she had thought it was salt? Maybe she was really just secretly that dumb? Could it have been an honest mistake? It seemed a strange mistake to make but I’ve seen worse. Once in college my room-mate put a lava lamp on the stove because it was taking forever to heat up and he had wanted it ready for a date. I’m not sure why a lava lamp was important for a booty call but I suppose I wasn’t the one with a booty call either. The lamp had exploded destroying anything remotely more fragile than a rock within a twenty foot radius. Including our television, my computer, his computer, my guitar and a handful of other irreplaceable objects. We found glass in the carpet for weeks, and that was usually with our shoes off in the most painful way. I thought. People definitely were stupid. Perhaps I should have just returned it to her? Maybe I could just say I wasn’t hungry? Maybe I could drop it on the ground? It seemed like the last of it. If I happened to dump it I’m sure that she wouldn’t be too angry. I’d offer to clean it up and then that would be all. I wouldn’t have to try and stomach it. I wouldn’t have to explain what I had saw. I wouldn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable reality I found myself in. I slipped. Or at least that’s what I pretended to do. The white mush spread across the carpet. The plate made no sound, just a small resonance that I felt in the legs of my chair. She didn’t even look over. It wasn’t that bad, it would probably take me less than a minute to clean up. The paper towels could scoop most of it up with a single swipe. A quick spray of carpet cleaner and the mess would be gone. I stood up. I had to grab the tools to finish my deception. If she had really just made a mistake, if she had not intended her oversight I needn’t have worried. It wasn’t like we had been married long. Things happen. Stress happens. Right? I had to admit I didn’t really know. I’d never been married before. All I knew was that I loved her. My heart could not cope with the idea that she really didn’t. I wouldn’t risk a fight over a spill she hadn’t even noticed. “What are you doing?” She asked with an eyebrow raised. I was caught off guard. I stammered something unintelligible even to myself and pointed at the food on the floor. She sighed. “God drat it.” She seemed to pity me. After a moment to collect herself she jerked the paper-towels away. “I’ll clean it up.” I nodded. As she bent down I saw tears stream down her face. I hoped that she wasn’t regretting her actions. Not only would that mean that she was aware of them, but it would also mean that my existence was pointless. The thought wasn’t one that I wanted to deal with so I quashed it mentally. She was just dutiful I decided. Just a little bit stressed. I sat. My book that I had been reading earlier was still on the table. Some part of me felt guilty. I thought that was funny. Guilt over something I had done. She should feel guilty. That thought just made me feel guiltier. The world in the story book was easier. It was guilt free. It always had a happy ending. Not like reality. I wished. It was nice how the book skipped all of the boring bits. It was nice how everything in between was summed up with a simple full stop. Reality would be much better if it could be like a book. She returned and set another plate down. “Eat up. Try not to make a mess this time.” I stared. I couldn’t believe what had happened. She had walked with the meal in the paper towel to the kitchen and scraped it back onto a plate. There wasn’t any more for her to poison me with. Some love I thought ruefully. She really wanted me to eat this particular dish. I could call her out I thought. Tell her I saw her add the poison. Maybe I could just claim there was a hair in it? There did seem to be lint from the carpet visible on part of it. My heart shuddered to think of her attempting to serve it to me a third time. How stupid did she think I was? I cried. Pretty stupid probably. I couldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t tell her how I felt. To her the lights were on but no one was home. To me someone was home but they just couldn’t turn the lights on. The accident had taken that away from me. The mashed potatoes in front of me seemed to be merciful. Not to me. To her. Perhaps I should just end it I thought? I ate. The warfarin acted quickly. My mouth began to feel dry. I tasted blood. She had done the job effectively. I briefly thought about just dying there, letting her try to explain my body to cops. The poisoning would be obvious. Rat poison. Used to cause hemorrhaging in mice which would eventually lead them to leave the house and die outside while searching for water. A clever device for killing a rodent. A stupid plan to kill a human. Stupider still that I had saw her. I realized. While my mind contemplated its decisions my subconscious had taken control of my hand. I looked at the remaining potatoes and saw the word. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had written a pitiful attempt of I love you with a crappy little heart; even as my veins began to leak my vital life fluids into the surrounding tissues biology still enslaved me. Still, I did love her. I couldn’t blame her. I walked away. She called to me as I walked out the door. The biting snow numbed my toes and fingers. Still I continued to walk. I couldn’t let her life be ruined just because she had ruined mine. Pitiful I thought. Warfarin poisoning was obvious, but the frostbite would hide all traces of it. They wouldn’t test for it unless it was a mystery. Death to cold. I had wandered outside in my confused state of mind and died in the blizzard. That’s all she had to tell them. I shivered. The house felt like it was miles behind me. The warm glow was almost entirely buried behind a veil of snow. It was as though darkness sought to consume the last bit of light emanating from it. I smiled as my legs stopped moving. Too late to turn back. The cold felt nice. I was so thirsty. I just needed a drink. The snow tasted so good. I died.
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Jan 26, 2014 08:08
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It's good enough that I wish it were better. Your proposition, that someone welcomes being incompetently poisoned, is so strange that you need to put more effort into believably selling it to the reader if you want a decent emotional impact. And your 'I ...' gimmick at the start of each parais pointless, and should be cut; it distracts more than it accomplishes and as I said this is weird enough that you don't want to make your job any harder. But solid prose and lots of good observational detail. In future, fiction farm is the place to put this sort of thing, or tdome redemption if you failed to submit.
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Jan 26, 2014 08:54
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Thank you. I'm not familiar with thunderdome redemption yet or the fiction farm (total newbie) but I'll be sure to figure that out. This was never intended to be TD submission but rather was just a story written from the first prompt in the TD. I found that with my last submission that I enjoyed writing from prompts. There was certainly some difficulty in trying to keep it below 1,000 words which cut a lot of the explanation of why short, I've got mixed feelings about that, on one hand it prevented a lot of rambling on the other hand I don't believe I created a solid case for love besides implying it exists. I forget that my definition of what love is supposed to be isn't necessarily the same as others but I'm at a loss of how to accomplish indicating that. The only idea I can come up with is to explore a bit of why I believe in love the way I do and thus hope that the reader rationalizes it in a similar way which in turn builds the impact. I was also hoping to avoid long flashbacks as those have become a staple of my writing but perhaps that would be appropriate here for the story? Similarly I think it probably deserves a more thorough explanation of her actions, I'm torn between liking the mystery behind her motivation and wanting to prove that her actions aren't malevolent. At the same time I like the idea that I can choose to believe once I'm done reading that she was malevolent or that she was simply feeling trapped. Do you think it's necessary to deal with that any more? The words at the start were chosen to interrupt the flow of the story on purpose. I wasn't using them throughout the story at first and they become somewhat secondary to my writing so I wonder if when I noticed the effect that the few ones I had added naturally to the writing created if I thought too much of it or if in certain instances they really were good. With such a short story it's very easy for a reader to move through it very quickly and to increase the emotional impact I thought it was important to try and slow that down so that each sentence could have maximal impact. Do you think this is valid? Lastly in re-reading it I do have some confusion between the initial set up of the story and the final conclusions. The limitation in his communication at first doesn't seem apparent. I'm not sure if I like this or if I don't because at first it seems like he's entirely able to say what he wants or doesn't. Is it worth while to explore this dynamic further? If you can tell by the questions I have about it I feel it's very close to the point where it's quite good but alteration haphazardly is less likely to improve it and more likely to unbalance it. I do think at the very least the pacing elements (the repeated I ___) can be removed but beyond that I struggle to figure out exactly how to alter it to accomplish your remaining suggestions.
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Jan 26, 2014 22:26
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I'm having some huge problems with pacing.. I had someone read the first chapter / first draft of a sci-fi novel I want to write, and they pointed out that I had a loving flashback in a flashback. How do you guys pare the information down so that things don't grind to a halt every other paragraph. I feel like I have to go in depth to explain where my main character is coming from, and why he does every single thing he does, and I end up with a 3000 word chapter that spans one... ONE conversation. I've been reading articles on pacing, but wanted to hit up you guys to see if I can try to figure this out. This idea has been rolling around for so long in my head, and it's fun to finally get it out. I've wanted to write something for so long- it's just frustrating to write something so bad.
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Jan 27, 2014 02:24
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Bruiser posted:I'm having some huge problems with pacing.. I had someone read the first chapter / first draft of a sci-fi novel I want to write, and they pointed out that I had a loving flashback in a flashback. How do you guys pare the information down so that things don't grind to a halt every other paragraph. I feel like I have to go in depth to explain where my main character is coming from, and why he does every single thing he does, and I end up with a 3000 word chapter that spans one... ONE conversation. I've been reading articles on pacing, but wanted to hit up you guys to see if I can try to figure this out. Post the chapter in its own thread, we can't help much with abstracts.
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Jan 27, 2014 02:47
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sebmojo posted:Post the chapter in its own thread, we can't help much with abstracts. Ah poo poo, I deleted the work. Besides, I thought you couldn't request a critique in CC without first giving at least two.
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Jan 27, 2014 02:50
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Bruiser posted:I'm having some huge problems with pacing.. I had someone read the first chapter / first draft of a sci-fi novel I want to write, and they pointed out that I had a loving flashback in a flashback. How do you guys pare the information down so that things don't grind to a halt every other paragraph. I feel like I have to go in depth to explain where my main character is coming from, and why he does every single thing he does, and I end up with a 3000 word chapter that spans one... ONE conversation. I've been reading articles on pacing, but wanted to hit up you guys to see if I can try to figure this out. Try this, don't use flashbacks at all. They easily become a crutch to cover up bad exposition. Instead sprinkle details, as if it was seasoning on a meal your preparing, about the story. People do not need to know every little detail of an event that happened in the past but have a basic grasp of what happened. Instead of going into something akin to JD staring off into space like in Scrubs, just have a little throw off thought or dialoug that references an event. For example instead of using a flashback of the main character pulling off a heist because some one is calling him in for a job, have the character think that it will be nothing like the Henderson job he pulled last month. I still can't stop panicking when I hear a dog bark. This is quick way to give background that is important and let's the reader fill in the blanks that are largely unimportant to the story at hand.
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Jan 27, 2014 04:03
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Bruiser posted:Ah poo poo, I deleted the work. You deleted a 3000 word chapter?
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Jan 27, 2014 04:21
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Bruiser posted:I feel like I have to go in depth to explain where my main character is coming from, and why he does every single thing he does 90% of the time, you absolutely do not. Most necessary exposition can be achieved just by contextualizing your description to match your viewpoint character's perspective (so the mind hoovers up information without realizing it's picking up information), and if you do the work that way the leftovers won't be hugely intrusive. If the interesting parts of your main character are where they're coming from and why they do what they do, tell that story. If not, breadcrumb it as necessary.
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Jan 27, 2014 04:39
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Crisco Kid posted:How do you mean writing styles? Like in wording and structure, or theme? It will be a lot easier to find common themes and occasionally structures in regional folklore as opposed to prose style, unless you stick to really distinct formats like the sagas. Anything less obvious than saga formats or West African word repetition, etc. won't be recognizable enough to register as different to most readers. Hey, thanks very much for this and sorry for not responding earlier. I wasn't aware of the Aarne-Thompson classification and that looks really fascinating. I'll have a read! What I was looking out mostly for is prose style - I'm not aware of the repetition structure of West African writing so I'll keep an eye on that. I'm just mostly noticing that the Arabian Nights have a very distinctive way of prose style (or it could be Richard Taylor's translation), with references to Allah being scattered liberally among others. Then there's also Kipling's Just So Stories, to take a more contemporary example.
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Jan 27, 2014 14:03
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Bruiser posted:I feel like I have to go in depth to explain where my main character is coming from Don't do it. Your character's background and motivation come through in his actions, in his word choices, in his attitudes and beliefs. First, exposition is ammunition. The only time a character should throw a well-known fact at another is as part of an attack -- "What do you care, you dumb redneck?" vs "As you know, we both grew up in the Appalachians." Second, things the character knows well should not ever crop up. "She was speaking English, the dominant language in America." We just don't do this. If we know it, the knowledge stays implicit, and we don't think about it. Same goes for looking in a mirror, by the way. Sane people do not look at their reflection and immediately narrate their appearance, age and personal history to themselves. Sane characters should not do it either. Every word on the page has to come from your main viewpoint's mind. That's just as true in third person. First person, it's the character's conscious mind on the page. Third person, it's the character's unconscious. But it's still all filtered through the character. Have faith in readers not to be stupid, and in your writing to not be totally tangled. Without that faith, your work will always suck.
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Jan 27, 2014 14:49
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There is third-person omniscient narrator, but that's a whole other thing. It's not popular these days and it's not easy to do it well.
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Jan 27, 2014 16:56
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Martello posted:There is third-person omniscient narrator, but that's a whole other thing. It's not popular these days and it's not easy to do it well. Very true; in that instance, the omniscient narrator becomes your disembodied viewpoint character, and his/her/its personality will give the writing its tone. Trying to shift writing tone to each viewpoint in omniscient very quickly becomes an unreadable mess. Confessional narratives, where one narrator is 'telling' the story onto paper, work much the same way.
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Jan 27, 2014 17:39
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Thanks for all of the tips, guys. I'm going to go back and start over. I guess I was feeling like I had to explain what the main characters were doing, and why- rather than letting their actions speak for them. I took so long getting to any real action that, by the time the reader got there, it was a confusing mess of flashbacks, back stories, and needless descriptions. It feels good to have some real direction here. I wasn't getting any good tips on the writing subreddits.
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Jan 27, 2014 19:12
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Bruiser posted:Thanks for all of the tips, guys. I'm going to go back and start over. I guess I was feeling like I had to explain what the main characters were doing, and why- rather than letting their actions speak for them. Incidentally, while a reader will have to know this stuff eventually, they don't need to know it all from the go. Not to say that you should deliberately obscure motivations from the reader - that often feels quite dickish and manipulative - but if your writing and the unfolding of plot are engaging above all, then you buy yourself some time for things to become clear.
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Jan 27, 2014 19:25
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The Saddest Rhino posted:Hey, thanks very much for this and sorry for not responding earlier. I wasn't aware of the Aarne-Thompson classification and that looks really fascinating. I'll have a read! When it comes to prose style, I think you're probably seeing distinction as a result of a single, recognizable version of the story or the work of the translation/writer. Especially so with Kipling. The Sagas and Arabian Nights are unusual in that they have a long written history, but most folk tale traditions I'm aware of are passed down orally, so you don't have an associated prose style as much as recurring themes or language quirks, like the West African repetition. Still, if you bring in a combination of regional naming styles, specific vocabulary, and themes, I bet you can approximate a decent fake that sounds believable. Like the Just So Stories have a really recognizable prose style that Kipling invented; you can tell they're meant to be read aloud just by looking at them, which I think is what makes them feel very much like traditional folk tales.
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Jan 28, 2014 01:54
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So I'm 70,000 words into the second draft of the novel I've been loving around with since forever. I posted the first couple of chapters from the first draft a year or two ago to pretty much universal consternation. It really was fantastic, and totally made me rip it up and start over, down to switching from first person to third (thank you Sophia, it was awesome advice) and stop concentrating on artsy-fartsing around and just tell something somewhat readable. I'm feeling pretty good about my writing, so I'm thinking its time to get other people on the internet to change that. What's the best way to do that? Another thread?
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Jan 28, 2014 12:41
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Yes.
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Jan 28, 2014 12:48
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Erogenous Beef, in posting his crits over in the dome, laid out the greatest summary in the world. I took the time to copy and paste it into a note that I hope to commit to memory - not that I'm not pretty familiar with every point made, but it does not hurt to see them again, and again, and again. I kind of pared it down so I could look at these rules in a glance. Erogenous Beef posted:Writing Simplified. Now, I have a question for published authors - the ones who've had to make revisions for an editor or a publisher: Are you asked to make changes that go against these simple - Cut all this down into a paragraph of description about the room. (Tell me, don't show me). - Give me more adverbs and adjectives (I can't imagine a request like this but, maybe?) - All of this first part of your story could be done as a flashback. (info dump) Have you been asked to add/remove something to your manuscript that goes against some of these concepts? magnificent7 fucked around with this message at 21:36 on Jan 28, 2014 |
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Jan 28, 2014 21:31
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I would say the vast majority of editorial advice I get is in line with those suggestions. I think they're a good starting point, not the whole of writing, but they're a very strong (if unsubtle) place to begin. When I'm asked to make cuts it's usually along the lines of 'I think you could imply this information elsewhere in the story' rather than 'write a big ol' flashback'.
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Jan 28, 2014 21:45
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magnificent7 posted:Now, I have a question for published authors - the ones who've had to make revisions for an editor or a publisher: Never, no. Editors normally want to dick around with word choices or with plot issues. I've had "this chapter doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the story, cut it." I've had "I want to move this scene from Pennsylvania to Prague, because weird things happen in Prague." (:headdesk:) I've had "I don't get this, make it clearer." But I've never had "Give me more summary / exposition / adjectives / flashbacks / lovely writing."
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Jan 28, 2014 23:47
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Ghostwoods posted:Never, no. Editors normally want to dick around with word choices or with plot issues. I've had "this chapter doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the story, cut it." I've had "I want to move this scene from Pennsylvania to Prague, because weird things happen in Prague." (:headdesk:) I've had "I don't get this, make it clearer." But I've never had "Give me more summary / exposition / adjectives / flashbacks / lovely writing." NOW. Back to my joy of joys: Show, Don't Tell. info dumping article posted:Here's an example of how not to do it: Is it just my A.D.D.? I WANT that first example. Get on with the drat story, get on with the thing that's about to happen. The fashion journal entry tells me, "this story is going to be long, and it's going to be really heavy on the details." It's a preference thing, right? I honestly do not see how the first example is "show don't tell", and the second example is NOT. Lord God, the second example tells me more than I ever wanted to know. This is what stops me in my tracks in front of my own writing now. Trying to understand what the hell this SDT really means. magnificent7 fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jan 29, 2014 |
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Jan 29, 2014 00:14
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magnificent7 posted:
I'm pretty sure the describe yourself in a mirror thing is hated by a lot of people so it's not just you. Take everything with a grain of salt but ultimately my rule for show vs tell for what its worth is: If its vital to characterization/plot etc, show it and use at least some description as appropriate. If its just a detail that needs to be known for the story to flow smoothly and you can't cut it for whatever reason then yeah, go bare bones. Functional plain language is A-Ok and you should never show everything, just the important cool bits. You'll notice a lot of well known authors who write drat good books don't even describe their main character's appearance except the most cursory of stuff and sometimes not even that. If it doesn't affect the plot/characterization/whatever it's just not important. People will fill in the blanks on their own and sometimes that is for the best. As far as best sellers go that is the beauty with novels in general. You don't have to get everything right, if you manage to do just enough right to snag your reader then they'll forgive "almost" anything. Even awkward adverb-laden said bookisms.
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Jan 29, 2014 00:22
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That article has a particularly lovely examples. That was just the first article I had on hand; the illustration for dialogue is better. Anyway, from what you quoted, both the "tell" example and the "show" example are bad, for different reasons. The "tell" example is bad because it reads like a plot summary and doesn't give us any of the pertinent details. If any of the points it mentions were relevant, we should be shown their relationship deteriorating. If they're not relevant, cut them. The "show" example is bad, too. You sensed the reason - it's too heavy on irrelevant details. Televisionitis is what I call it; it's like the writer's trying to transcribe a picture instead of highlighting what matters. Unless the story's centered on fashion design, most of that can be cut. "He asked curiously" is considered bad, because the act of asking usually implies curiosity. The exception to the "no adverbs" rule is when you cannot find a good, clear verb that presents the concept AND the meaning of the sentence would be seriously altered without the adverb. Speaking to you directly, you'd do well to stop searching for someone to tell you the "big rules" are bad and that you should ignore them. Work inside the basic rules as hard as you can. After some time, you'll learn why they're there, and start building an understanding of when to break them. Otherwise, you're trying to pilot a plane before you've learned to walk.
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Jan 29, 2014 00:30
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Definitely. If it makes sense and is clear, you're sitting prettier than a majority of writers who hem and haw over every detail. The highlight thing is good. Letting go of the instinct to transplant an exact image into the readers head and instead transplant an idea is a good start to avoiding ALL the little bits and pieces of trash that make up a room. The most telling thing could be your character just noticing that the shower curtain is moldy but the rest of the bathroom is clean. I think. ziasquinn fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Jan 29, 2014 |
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Jan 29, 2014 00:38
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magnificent7 posted:Now, I have a question for published authors - the ones who've had to make revisions for an editor or a publisher:
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Jan 29, 2014 03:00
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I can't find it right now, but there's a Brandon Sanderson lecture of how to give crit, where his answer to the above is a resounding no. Tell the author what works and what doesn't, but don't suggest specific changes. Well, to be fair, critique and editing are very different things. Generally, publishers' editors will make specific changes themselves, then pass them back for discussion. There will be non-specific requests as well if stuff is too big for editing -- like "rewrite this chapter entirely because X" -- but even then, sometimes editors will make massive changes (it's bad practice, though). Anyhow, authors who can't handle editing tend not to get a second deal (unless their sales are spectacular). Ghostwoods fucked around with this message at 15:35 on Jan 29, 2014 |
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Jan 29, 2014 15:33
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I can't find it right now, but there's a Brandon Sanderson lecture of how to give crit, where his answer to the above is a resounding no. Tell the author what works and what doesn't, but don't suggest specific changes. I've never liked that crit "rule." It suggests that writing shouldn't ever be a collaborative effort, and that the writer doesn't know when to say "gently caress off, this is my story." For a new writer's group, it might be a good idea to keep that stuff on the back burner until everyone gets to know each other. But once you're all familiar with the other group members' tastes and quirks, I see nothing wrong with "well, it might be cool if..." suggestions. I have a biweekly group with twinkle cave and Erik Shawn-Bohner and we frequently tell each other poo poo like "maybe have him get into a barfight here," or "she's too weak in this conversation, make her argument stronger. Have her call him out for his drug habit specifically instead of beating around the bush." Sometimes you get your best work out of running with someone else's suggestion. There's a danger of getting so wrapped up with your own characters that you fail to see patterns and motifs you might be subconciously creating. A reader can point those out, and tell you things about your characters you didn't know yourself. But ultimately, it's YOUR loving story. And like I said, it's always okay to say "gently caress you, I'm writing this. Write fanfic if you like it so much."
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Jan 29, 2014 15:50
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Martello posted:Yes. Alrighty, while I get the nerve to post it, I have a couple of questions. Posting it do I have to worry about things like tags or writing the title thread other than mentioning word count (I'm thinking 5,000, the first two chapters or so). More importantly, do other people post chapters from their manuscripts? I'm worried about people not being interested by a snippet of something that is meant to be longform. I suppose the most I can hope for is to gauge whether its something people would want to read more of.
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Jan 29, 2014 16:25
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Martello posted:I have a biweekly group with twinkle cave and Erik Shawn-Bohner and we frequently tell each other poo poo like "maybe have him get into a barfight here," or "she's too weak in this conversation, make her argument stronger. Have her call him out for his drug habit specifically instead of beating around the bush." Sometimes you get your best work out of running with someone else's suggestion. There's a danger of getting so wrapped up with your own characters that you fail to see patterns and motifs you might be subconciously creating. A reader can point those out, and tell you things about your characters you didn't know yourself.
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Jan 29, 2014 16:56
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Mag7, maybe you should give yourself a rule that you have to write 10,000 words (or read 50,000) before you can ask a question in Fiction advice. I'm not saying this to be a dick, but I've seen super poo poo writing out of you, and I've seen good writing out of you. I think you are thinking too hard about what you "should do." Write and try as hard as you can to train your internal editor, and every so often when you really need help, ask people.
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Jan 29, 2014 18:07
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I've dropped out of the Dome so I can actually work on my book, so there (hopefully) won't be so many questions or examples of my writing for awhile. But yes - I've definitely been asking a lot more questions and submitting a lot less writing.
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Jan 29, 2014 21:01
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I kinda feel like you're taking the approach of a high schooler saying "Well, I can earn more money NOW if I skip college and just start my own business" rather than going to business school. You're working on your book, but asking questions about how to use its and it's, and myriad other basic writing things. I feel like if you put the book on hiatus for a bit and work on shoring up your writing abilities, when you go back to the book you can worry about plot and characters and not be worried about all the minutia of writing. But also I'm in like my 9th year of college with no end in sight so maybe I should shut up. I'll earn money one of these days 
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Jan 29, 2014 21:50
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crabrock posted:I kinda feel like you're taking the approach of a high schooler saying "Well, I can earn more money NOW if I skip college and just start my own business" rather than going to business school. That business school analogy is horrible. No one needs to go to business school. Everything else is sound advice. My New Years resolution was to work on my book, and instead I've been "procrastinating" by participating in the TD. However, I'm also on the third revision of my first four chapters, shocked each time at how bad the last version was. A lot of people say "just write," but you should have a basic skill level before you embark on a big project like a novel. "Just writing" can apply equally to short stories/flash fiction and they'll only help you in the end.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:28
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Some people are very susceptible to "lifehacker" syndrome, where they end up spending more time optimizing how they do stuff or reading about how to do stuff than actually doing it. It can happen to everyone to some extent: something as simple as the satisfied feeling you get when you buy a book about writing (but when you still haven't read the book or taken any of its advice) or bookmarking some good writing advice (and then never looking at it again). It helps to remember that what you really want out of writing is very hard to achieve, and you can only achieve it by actually writing.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:38
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I got too many distractions (reasons to procrastinate). The TD, the time i spend working on it, I'm always thinking, "I could be sucking this bad on a story I've already written. I could be making revisions, improving characters, tightening plots, and fixing it's its show don't tell mistakes in something that I'm already at least motivated to work on." Not to downplay the value of the TD in any way. I could continue working in there for another five years and improving what I'm doing. I could also push my novel further down the road a little at a time until I've done it. So, yes, all of the above.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:40
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I've been doing some editing of stories online and I'm noticing a trend of authors mixing in character action with their dialogue. Almost like reading a movie script in paragraph form. Here are some bad examples, lifted straight from actual stories: quote:“It wasn’t your fault,” she gasped. “The car didn’t crash because you were fighting with your mom. There was a drunk driver. He…” She paused, gulping for air, like fish trying to breathe on land. “He swerved into the oncoming traffic. Slammed into the car. You and your mom died,” she whispered. “The baby was alright, though…” quote:Jessica moved the sweat-plastered hair out of her face and gulped. “Your mom… She says…” She screwed up her face like she was trying to remember the solution to a math problem. “She says to come home.” A tear trailed down her cheek. My instinct is has been to bring the action together and separate it from the dialogue, but I'm seeing it a lot - enough to make me wonder if I'm out of the loop. Anyone got any insight? Is this a thing now? Or am I just encountering a lot of terrible writers?
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Jan 29, 2014 22:49
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I'm glad i set myself a challenge of attempting every TD. Work is crazy but 1 or 2 spare hours can be easily found. Most of the critiques of my entries have nearly all been "You have one nice idea/sentence/thought covered in a truck load of poo poo and blood." Someone asking if English is my first language was the harshest - and best, in a way - criticism of one of my stories. Can i ask for some recommendations of short stories people like on here? I really need to start reading a lot more than i currently am and would appreciate some new material.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:49
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FouRPlaY posted:Anyone got any insight? Is this a thing now? Or am I just encountering a lot of terrible writers? It doesn't seem too unusual to me, but those excerpts are horrible for completely different reasons.
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Jan 29, 2014 22:52
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Mr_Wolf posted:I'm glad i set myself a challenge of attempting every TD. Work is crazy but 1 or 2 spare hours can be easily found. Try your public library, there are quite a few collections that do something like famous short story - brief explanation/analysis by another writer - short story - etc. It's important to read thoughtfully as well as prolifically. The story of yours I judged for the Dome didn't read like any published short story I've ever seen, which suggests that if you're reading, you're not internalizing the kinds of structures and language that good fiction uses. You had this kind of cargo-cult 'literary' style going on, i.e. using pretty words but not using them for comprehensible reasons.
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Jan 29, 2014 23:03
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