Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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Parlett316: Dec 6, 2002; Jon Snow is viciously stabbed by his friends in the night's watch for wanting to rescue Mance Rayder from Ramsay Bolton

The local beat writers for the team said throughout the year that any anonymous source that leaks to either Schefter or Jenkins is Shanahan.

# ? Jan 7, 2014 16:32

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# ? May 10, 2024 02:50

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

Does Jenkins even spend any time at the team facility/in the locker room?

edit: Ahahahaha nope, she loving lives in New York!!!

# ? Jan 7, 2014 16:37

Parlett316: Dec 6, 2002; Jon Snow is viciously stabbed by his friends in the night's watch for wanting to rescue Mance Rayder from Ramsay Bolton

haljordan posted:

Does Jenkins even spend any time at the team facility/in the locker room?

edit: Ahahahaha nope, she loving lives in New York!!!

From her Ivory Tower she can defend some of the truest people in sports. Lance, JoePa, Shanny.

# ? Jan 7, 2014 16:40

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd are professional trolls and we don't ask who they hosed to get those jobs

# ? Jan 7, 2014 17:39

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

Rap posted:

Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd are professional trolls and we don't ask who they hosed to get those jobs

Yeah I'm pretty sure someone has at some point. Either that or we asked who they have blackmail photos of. Still a garbage article that the Washington Post should be embarrassed to run.

# ? Jan 7, 2014 17:40

nah: Mar 16, 2009

Rap posted:

Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd are professional trolls and we don't ask who they hosed to get those jobs

it was me, they hosed me

# ? Jan 7, 2014 17:58

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

I like to think Skip & Colin gently caress all of us, just a little bit, every day.

haljordan fucked around with this message at 18:02 on Jan 7, 2014

# ? Jan 7, 2014 17:59

Blotto Skorzany: Nov 7, 2008; He's a PSoC, loose and runnin'
came the whisper from each lip
And he's here to do some business with
the bad ADC on his chip
bad ADC on his chiiiiip

Rap posted:

Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd are professional trolls and we don't ask who they hosed to get those jobs

"Whose dick do you have to suck to get a job around here?" - Skip Bayless to Bill Rasmussen, 2007

# ? Jan 7, 2014 19:01

Dr_Strangelove: Dec 16, 2003; Mein Fuhrer! THEY WON!

Declan MacManus posted:

People would definitely say things like "oy" when he threw picks tho

Comments about picking up the blitz would have to be handled carefully, as would anything to do with his concentration

# ? Jan 8, 2014 18:32

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

I find Cowherd easy to ignore, some people seek him out and that's fine; I won't take that sick little pleasure away from them.

Bayless, however, is always popping up everywhere with his terrible gimmicky poo poo.

# ? Jan 11, 2014 18:22

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

The Detroit News has this columnist named Jerry Green who has covered every Super Bowl since the very beginning. Usually he posts harmless fluff pieces that are amusing if you're into football history, but after last night he churned out this hunk of poo poo:

quote:

Peyton Manning kept pitching � mostly itsy-bitsy passes � and what we saw in Super Bowl XLVIII was the unraveling of a legend.

Manning was the centerpiece of this Super Bowl. No mistake about that after a record passing season in 2013. The propaganda machine worked crazily all week.

The only debate in this New York/New Jersey Super Bowl was whether Manning was the greatest quarterback, the greatest passer in the history of professional football. A likeable guy who would stamp out his career legacy on Sunday with America and much of the rest of the world as witnesses.

It was a bunch of malarkey.

Seahawks 43, Broncos 8.

The magazines raved about his wing-flapping style, his kicking of his leg as the signal to snap the ball. TV described his dancing and his bellowing �Omaha� before the snap.

All this stuff is vintage Peyton Manning � showbiz.

Russell Wilson, a second-year pro quarterback, outshined Manning, a veteran of 16 NFL seasons. Manning completed a bunch of passes. But he tossed two interceptions. And both were worth touchdowns for the Seahawks in the second quarter. He later turned the ball over on a fumble.

�To finish this way is very disappointing,� Manning told the media in the aftermath.

Instead of the best quarterback in history, I would call Peyton Manning the most overrated athlete in the annals of American professional sports. There � stealing words from Vince Lombardi after the Packers� conquest of the Chiefs in Super Bowl I � I said it.

Manning now has been the losing quarterback in two of his three Super Bowls � he had a split with the Colts.

The remaining debate now is whether Manning will try to squeeze the last juice out of the lemon. He was noncommittal during the Super Bowl prelude about whether he�d play another season � win or lose � at age 38.

He hinted afterward that he hoped to play again by alluding to how a playoff loss a year ago to Baltimore motivated the Broncos to win the AFC championship in the 2013 season.

�How we used the loss in the playoffs last year to win this year, maybe we could use this game in this offseason,� Manning said. �And then next season as well.�

Many years ago, Bud Grant, the iceman coach of the Vikings, said �quarterbacks can�t be God almighty.� And Bud should know. He lost four Super Bowls, three with Francis Tarkenton.

And it was proved again in a Super Bowl that defense wins.
'Great' only on paper

Pete Carroll�s Seahawks entered this Super Bowl with the No. 1 defense in the NFL. The Broncos came in with the best offense in pro football � most of it attributed to Peyton Manning.

The Seahawks for sure rattled Manning � and when he plays rattled, his teammates play that way, too.

John Fox, the doughty Denver coach who came back to win a conference championship after a heart attack, might fight me on that comment. He defended Manning, denied that his veteran quarterback lost his composure.

�No,� Fox said to the media praising the Seattle defense. �I thought Peyton did a good job.

�The pressure did have something to do with it. Their pass defense is outstanding.�

Manning�s stats might look great. On paper. He set a record for the most passes thrown by any quarterback in any of the previous 47 Super Bowls � 49. And another record for the most passes caught � 34.

But he didn�t throw one of his famed touchdown passes until the final play of the third quarter. By then the Seahawks were kicking the stuffing out of the Broncos, 36-0. And it was the only time the Broncos came close to scoring.
Horrible victims again

Manning completed nearly 70 percent of his passes. But most of them were for 4, 6, 8 yards. The longest was for only 23 yards.

And it�s impossible for an offense to purr into the end zone with those tiny shots.

The Broncos self-destruction started on the very first play. Manning might be 6 foot, 5 inches tall, but the center snap went at least two feet over his head and bounced and rolled into the end zone. The Broncos were fortunate the Seahawks got only a safety.

But the rout had begun.

And it was pretty merciless.

Peyton�s body language told a vivid story on his second interception. It was a duck, after he was hit by Cliff Avril � remember that guy, Detroit? Malcolm Smith grabbed the fluttering ball and ran it 69 yards to a touchdown.

Manning stood watching, his hands on his hips. And the rest of the Broncos seemed to give up the chase.

As a football game, there was nothing to it. Lackluster.

I would rate it was some place around 45 or 46 in my collection of 48 Super Bowls. Sadly, the Broncos were the victims in most of the worst.

There�s an old clich� � �stats are for losers.�

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140202/SPORTS0101/302020060#ixzz2sGbqLxt3

# ? Feb 3, 2014 14:51

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Hahaha who calls him Francis Tarkenton?

# ? Feb 3, 2014 14:59

Anals of History: Jul 29, 2003

I'm so loving sick of this trend.

Spacing out every magnificent sentence, every point you dare not miss.

Pay attention to me, drat you.

# ? Feb 3, 2014 19:14

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

I like it slightly better than the Mitch Albom style reoccurring one-line paragraph.

# ? Feb 3, 2014 19:50

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Anals of History posted:

I'm so loving sick of this trend.

Spacing out every magnificent sentence, every point you dare not miss.

Pay attention to me, drat you.

I think its more the fact that the average reader of local sports columns cannot be trusted to parse more than three consecutive sentences.

# ? Feb 3, 2014 20:41

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Henchman of Santa posted:

The Detroit News has this columnist named Jerry Green who has covered every Super Bowl since the very beginning. Usually he posts harmless fluff pieces that are amusing if you're into football history, but after last night he churned out this hunk of poo poo:

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140202/SPORTS0101/302020060#ixzz2sGbqLxt3

Saw the word "malarkey", eyes glazed over, stopped reading.

# ? Feb 3, 2014 20:43

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

It's a trick of writers when they are unable to logically form connections among their ideas

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:32

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

Woody Paige almost does it all the time. He'll just have a handful of paragraphs that are multiple sentences.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:34

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

I think it's a holdover from newspaper column writing where they weree so thin that stylistically they ended up writing in these short bullet point sentences.

Chris Gaines posted:

Woody Paige almost does it all the time. He'll just have a handful of paragraphs that are multiple sentences.

Man, you aren't kidding: http://www.nhregister.com/sports/20140203/woody-paige-a-debacle-that-will-sting-for-a-long-time

quote:

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. � This one�s for the john.

The Denver Broncos� 43-8 debacle belongs in the bowl with those 27-10, 39-20, 42-10 and 55-10 fiascoes.

Sunday night shall live in ignominy, too.

We�ve seen this four times before. Orange crushed, again � this time by Seattle.

This one�s the most excruciating, though. The difference between the others and Super Bowl No. 48 was the �most prolific offense� in NFL history played like the �most offensive team� in Super Bowl history in a game regarded as a tossup.

Until the final play of the third quarter, the Broncos had not scored, but had given up a safety, two field goals, a running touchdown, a passing touchdown, an interception touchdown and a kickoff return touchdown.

Finally, the Seahawks gave up a meaningless touchdown at quarter�s end.

Too bad the Super Bowl wasn�t a snowout.

Too bad it was a blowout.

The fight should have been called off, mercifully, 12 seconds into the third quarter with the Broncos down, and out, at 29-0.

So, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen and executive vice president John Elway did not secure their third Super Bowl victory. John Fox did not collect his $1 million victory bonus. Peyton Manning did not earn his legacy second victory. Champ Bailey did not get his first Super Bowl victory.

�At the end of the day, no excuses,� Fox said.

At the beginning of the night, the Broncos were brutal.

On the Broncos� opening offensive play, Manning was doing his usual histrionics when center Manny Ramirez snapped the ball into the end zone. Uh-oh.

Demaryius Thomas said the Broncos �came out ready to play.� The Broncos acted like they had never played, or even practiced. They fumbled, bumbled and crumbled.

Fox said there were a �a couple of plays we didn�t execute as well as they did.�

How about 125 plays?

The offense�s, defense�s and special teams� game plans must have been written in crayon. Fox and his staff obviously were outcoached, and the Broncos were outplayed.

Manning broke the Super Bowl record for pass completions (34). A hollow record. Peyton this season won everything but the one thing he wanted. He played terrible.

What about the running game? What running game? Twenty-seven yards on 14 carries? Receivers dropped balls and pulled up on routes or couldn�t escape. A total team mess.

The special teams were horrid � Seattle�s Percy Harvin returned the second-half kickoff for a touchdown, and Denver�s first punt went 29 yards and Trindon Holliday looked like a deer in the headlights.

�We just didn�t play like we�re capable of,� Elway said. He�s been there.

Seahawks linebacker Bobby Wagner wasn�t shocked. �They haven�t played a defense that flies around like we do, that hits like we do.�

The Broncos were discombobulated early on, and on and on.

The farce was reminiscent of the Broncos� Super Bowls in the 1980s.

�They were separate,� Elway said.

But very alike.

The Broncos waited 15 years for this?

It was not possible for the Broncos to play any worse.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:38

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

I guess since nobody prints anymore it's easier to get away with.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:41

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

It's hilarious how many Colorado papers used the exact same "Orange Crushed" headline http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/default.asp?page=2

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:42

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Kalli posted:

I think it's a holdover from newspaper column writing where they weree so thin that stylistically they ended up writing in these short bullet point sentences.

Man, you aren't kidding: http://www.nhregister.com/sports/20140203/woody-paige-a-debacle-that-will-sting-for-a-long-time

Oh my god I read that entire article in the voice and style of William Shatner. My brain hurts now.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:45

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

This is the best front page yet

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:46

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

What an unfortunate picture.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 00:49

The Puppy Bowl: Jan 31, 2013; A dog, in the house.

*woof*

Mike Preston, the Baltimore Sun's own Skip Bayless, wrote an article on how Peyton Manning should retire. He's wrong and stupid but that isn't why I'm here.

Mike Preston posted:

There are few players I'd ever pay to watch play. Jim Brown, Gale Sayers, Dick Butkus, Ray Lewis and Dan Marino quickly come to mind. Manning is on that list, too.

When you're poor excuse for sports writing grants you a paycheck and free tickets I think its in poor taste to condescend to anyone that would pay money to see your average Football game. If the game doesn't have a guaranteed first round HoFer Mike Preston isn't interested.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 05:20

Crescent Wrench: Sep 30, 2005; The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.; Grimey Drawer

Chris Gaines posted:

What an unfortunate picture.

Yeah, death has only made John Peel smugger and gingerer.

# ? Feb 4, 2014 06:58

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

The Puppy Bowl posted:

Mike Preston, the Baltimore Sun's own Skip Bayless, wrote an article on how Peyton Manning should retire. He's wrong and stupid but that isn't why I'm here.

When you're poor excuse for sports writing grants you a paycheck and free tickets I think its in poor taste to condescend to anyone that would pay money to see your average Football game. If the game doesn't have a guaranteed first round HoFer Mike Preston isn't interested.

Jeeesus that's a smug thing to say. Especially since there's no particular thrill to watching a running back put up even a 6.0 YPC compared to a one-off punt return for TD, interception return, fake punt or any number of unpredictable plays that aren't made just by "the greats."

# ? Feb 6, 2014 02:55

Brannock: Feb 9, 2006; by exmarx; Fallen Rib

Not quite a journalism fuckup, but I was reading ESPN's NFC North blog and going "Wow, Schwartz's mug is taking a while to load..."

http://espn.go.com/blog/nfcnorth/post/_/id/64930/some-more-nuggets-from-jim-schwartz

Turns out they didn't actually create a smaller image for the photo blurb, they took a huge image and just simply shrunk it down to fit:

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/1118/nfl_a_jimschwartz_cmg_65.jpg

Isn't this like web design 101 to not do that?

# ? Feb 12, 2014 03:18

WHOOPS: Nov 6, 2009

Or maybe ESPN wants to make sure we know that Schwartz is really benefiting from the use of that new exfoliator.

# ? Feb 12, 2014 03:58

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Not technically a football article, but I'm sure you will all enjoy this crap.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stuart-muszynski/the-12th-man-can-transfor_b_4761246.html

quote:

Forgive me, but I don't believe that the Seattle Seahawks really won the Superbowl. It was the "12th man" that won it. How else can we explain how an underdog team that was "too young," with a quarterback who was "too short" decimated the Denver Broncos?

I've been inspired this football season by the "12th man" and how this concept has contributed to the unstoppable momentum of the Seattle Seahawks. Simply put, the "12th man" is the torturous noise the fans make at Seattle's games -- creating a daunting and oppressive atmosphere for the Seahawks' adversaries.

...

It gets worse from there.

# ? Feb 13, 2014 19:02

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

What else do you expect from a HuffPo article? Also it annoys me to no end when "Superbowl" is spelt as one word.

# ? Feb 13, 2014 23:06

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Wait the first phrase of the article is "Forgive me, but"??? I'm reminded of Dwight Shrute's reason he doesn't smile at people

Chris Gaines posted:

Also it annoys me to no end when "Superbowl" is spelt as one word.

same

# ? Feb 14, 2014 04:41

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Chris Gaines posted:

What else do you expect from a HuffPo article? Also it annoys me to no end when "Superbowl" is spelt as one word.

I sure didn't expect them to somehow felate the entire 12th man.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 09:57

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Chris Gaines posted:

What else do you expect from a HuffPo article? Also it annoys me to no end when "Superbowl" is spelt as one word.

It reminds me of this genuinely amazing book "And the Band Played On" about the AIDS epidemic. In one passage he describes a certain type of white blood cell as "The Quarterback of the body's defensive line" and to this day I wonder how nobody pointed out that makes no sense in editing.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 16:22

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Mel Mudkiper posted:

It reminds me of this genuinely amazing book "And the Band Played On" about the AIDS epidemic. In one passage he describes a certain type of white blood cell as "The Quarterback of the body's defensive line" and to this day I wonder how nobody pointed out that makes no sense in editing.

I think they're using two separate metaphors without realizing it rather than one big metaphor that they've mixed and that only football autists would really be bothered by it.

# ? Feb 14, 2014 16:41

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

Chichevache posted:

Not technically a football article, but I'm sure you will all enjoy this crap.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stuart-muszynski/the-12th-man-can-transfor_b_4761246.html

It gets worse from there.

If you can't see how the noise of Seattle's 12th man affected the Super Bowl in New Jersey, I don't know if it's even worth arguing

# ? Feb 15, 2014 01:41

Hunt11: Jul 24, 2013; Grimey Drawer

sweet thursday posted:

If you can't see how the noise of Seattle's 12th man affected the Super Bowl in New Jersey, I don't know if it's even worth arguing

Maybe the Seattle fans were so loud that they could be heard on the other side of the country.

# ? Feb 15, 2014 02:06

Shangri-Law School: Feb 19, 2013

Football is actually a decent metaphor to explain the immune system. But it's the HELPER T-cells that are the quarterbacks.

# ? Feb 15, 2014 02:18

midwat: May 6, 2007

As someone who hates Florio, I find this delicious.

# ? Feb 22, 2014 02:59

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# ? May 10, 2024 02:50

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Ah good, Mike Florio doesn't know what "on the record" means and also his report was all anonymous sources too. cool. cool

# ? Feb 22, 2014 05:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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