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CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
1. Nahh. Ball-to-hand.
2. Sure. Play is stopped anyway.
3. Tell the keeper to spit on the penalty-taker's balls and say, "Now you're even."

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Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

1) Ball to hand / arm in natural position. No peno.
2) I think you have to. If the manager nominates him as 'keeper, he's allowed on before the play resumes.
3) New ball, tell the striker to stop being such a gross oval office. Tell the keeper to stop being such a babby.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

1. Nope. Ball to hand and such.
2. I don't see any reason why not.
3. Get a new ball, spit on the striker and ask him how it feels.

Lamont Cranston
Sep 1, 2006

how do i shot foam

1) No
2) No, he must leave the field to receive treatment and cannot re-enter until beckoned on, which can only happen after play has restarted.
3) Get a new ball, caution for unsporting behavior.

Bio-Hazard
Mar 8, 2004
I HATE POLITICS IN SOCCER AS MUCH AS I LOVE RACISM IN SOCCER
1.) Play on. You are now the most unpopular man on the field.
2.) No. The player who came off cannot be beckoned back on until play is resumed, after the penalty.
3.) Tell him to wipe it off. If the player refuses or talks back, yellow for Unsporting Behavior.

hyper from Pixie Sticks
Sep 28, 2004

1) Not intentional, play on.
2) Let him in. The 'play must have restarted' rule doesn't apply if a keeper's involved, and the manager gets to choose who he nominates as keeper.
3) Yellow for unsporting behaviour for the spitter, wipe ball clean, tell keeper to zip it.

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

1. Not intentional so play on. If refing the la liga show a red card and award a penalty.
2. Let him on
3. Yellow to the PK taker for bein a disgusting twat. Tell the keeper to shut up. Get a new ball.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about
I have a question in the vein of the shoulder-to-arm one.

A defender in the penalty area is facing away from the ball, marking his man. A pass comes through, and the defender raises his arm to appeal for offside. He doesn't see the ball until it hits him in the hand. What's the call?

He didn't raise his arm with the intent of handling the ball, so I feel like it should be a no-call, but the ref in our league match yesterday called it a penalty and a red.

Mickolution
Oct 1, 2005

Ballers...I put numbers on the boards
Unnatural position for his arm. I'd say it would be given 99% of the time.

Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire

Mickolution posted:

Unnatural position for his arm. I'd say it would be given 99% of the time.

I agree, it's also not his job to call offside, play to the goddamn whistle.

R. Mute
Jul 27, 2011

I'm pretty sure Hackett's already answered that one, actually. You could look it up.

chaoslord
Jan 28, 2009

Nature Abhors A Vacuum


Captain Trips posted:

I have a question in the vein of the shoulder-to-arm one.

A defender in the penalty area is facing away from the ball, marking his man. A pass comes through, and the defender raises his arm to appeal for offside. He doesn't see the ball until it hits him in the hand. What's the call?

He didn't raise his arm with the intent of handling the ball, so I feel like it should be a no-call, but the ref in our league match yesterday called it a penalty and a red.

If, in the opinion of the referee, the player deliberately handled it or put his arm in a position to take up space, then it's handling. As described, i would be blowing for a PK and my bar for handling is pretty high (as in it takes a lot for me to call it). If he was, say, yelling at the AR with his back to play five yards away from the ball and his arms out and the ball got cleared off his arm, that probably shouldn't be called. But if you are running with your arm in the air with the player who is going to receive the ball, it's going to be a hard sell to convince the referee your arm wasn't there to take up space. Remember, it's not really if you did it deliberately, it's if the referee thinks you did it deliberately.

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.

K to the H posted:

1) This is a close call. For the purposes of judging handballs, the "hand" effectively extends up the arm to the point at the shoulder where the shirt sleeve is stitched on. So in this case, I would rule that the player has not deliberately used his arm to stop the shot – and the fact that the ball then ricocheted down on to the lower arm is irrelevant. When the ball hits the body, then the hand, it is not a deliberate handball. So no penalty – play on. Graham Laurie wins the shirt.
2) No. You have to stick to the laws: the defender, having received treatment, must leave the field before play is restarted, and play cannot restart without a goalkeeper. So his side have to nominate a different player to be the keeper for the penalty. This is one of those situations where I would like to see the law changed: it makes little sense as it stands. Thanks to Tony La Fave.
3) The keeper is right. Spitting is frankly unacceptable – it's a red card if aimed at an opponent or official. In this case, caution the spitter for unsporting behaviour, have the ball cleaned or replaced, then proceed with the penalty. Thanks to Laszlo Sandler.

Thanks for nothing, Tony La Fave.

hyper from Pixie Sticks
Sep 28, 2004



1) Red. Retaliation is never justified.
2) Not approved equipment, tell the keeper to gently caress off.
3) Book the player for questioning the integrity of a match official, tell your assistant to flag him so you can send him off at the first opportunity, and deny everything in the press afterwards.

Modus Trollens
Sep 12, 2010


1) 2nd Yellow and a red, if they're spanish just kill them
2) tell him to go put on some god drat boots I mean what the gently caress is this a sunday league
3) Wait for Panel 1 to happen

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
1. Card the assistant and award a penalty to yourself. Or replace the assistant with the fourth official or something.
2. Make the keeper do the crossword from the newspaper in his shoe. If he can't do it, show a yellow.
3. Tell him you're not the goddamn Thought Police and if he wants to get the assistant replaced, he'd better goad him into taking a swing. Mention the incident in your report, but use code names.

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

1. Second yellow and a red. Make a note in the official match report. Also punch the dude for messing with your homie.
2. Yellow for unsportsmanlike conduct. Tell him to put the clown shoes away. Coax the striker to safety.
3. Tell him to quit being a bitch. Note in the match report. Tell your official to give him a swirly after the game for old times sake.

jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
1. Second yellow and red, punch player and lino in the face for disrespecting your authority. Caution nearby opponents for dissent and punch each one in the face, we will be the one to decide who started it. Replace linesman with fourth official, punch lightly in the face as a warning so he knows we aren't loving around.

2. Book for unsporting conduct, order to replace boots with the correct attire, punch goalkeeper in the face, and his kit man on the off chance that he was complicit in this outrage.

3. Tell player that you didn't go to school at all and it never did you any harm. Punch college boy here in the face, does he think he's better than you or something? Drop ball from the nearest point of relief, 2 stroke penalty. Note the incident in your match report.

hyper from Pixie Sticks
Sep 28, 2004

What Hackett said:

quote:

1) Your response must be guided by what your assistant tells you, not what the players say – but use some common sense here to calm the situation. Advise the player to keep his distance for the rest of the game, and tell your assistant that you will be reporting what has happened. Tell both that any further incidents could lead to their removal.

2) Yes – any new equipment has to be approved by you, so go and check them. There is nothing in the Laws, though, about using artificially long boots in this way: all you are checking for is that the boots do not represent a danger. If they do, ask him to replace them. If not, he can carry on wearing them, but make sure he understands that, while these bizarre clown shoes may have bought him an inch or two, he must not move forward before the kick is taken.

3) A tough week for assistants … Advise the player that your colleague has your full support. Discreetly, though, you can make sure the official is patrolling the player's opposition attack, to minimise potential flashpoints. During the game monitor the situation – and report it all afterwards

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/jan/30/you-are-the-ref-paul-trevillion

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CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
1. Fine. It's not in play until it leaves the area. Good heads-up play.
2. Red to the defender. Pat the striker on the back.
3. Goal. Ref is part of the field. Wink at striker's girlfriend.

Lamont Cranston
Sep 1, 2006

how do i shot foam

1) Retake
2) At least one, honestly depends on how must of a twist we're talking here -- is it defense or is he now attempting to hurt the striker?
3) Give the goal, prepare to get an earful from your assessor for poor positioning

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about
1. I really don't see the issue here, unless the picture is accurate and the keeper picks up the backpass. The paragraph doesn't say that though, so I assume the keeper plays it with his feet. No problem, keep playing.

2. Send them both off, but make sure to get the striker's business card and sign up for classes later.

3. Take your shirt off, swing it around your head and run to the supporters. Give yourself a yellow card.

stickyfngrdboy
Oct 21, 2010
Doesn't matter if he picks it up the ball isn't in play.

2) send the defender off, then hide behind the lino and send the attacker off as well, fuckin ninjas have no place in football, recommend lifetime ban in report, move house

3) wtf is this poo poo that's like the best goal that's ever been scored you better fuckin allow it

Redundant
Sep 24, 2011

Even robots have feelings!
1) Retake
2) 2 reds
3) Golazo

I'm expecting some nonsense about "goal scoring opportunities" to be mentioned in regards to the first because Hackett.

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

1. Retake Goal kick, didn't leave the box so no problem.
2. Red to the dude who started it. Start making Martial Art noises to the Striker every time he gets near you
3. Goal, celebrate with the team.

Bio-Hazard
Mar 8, 2004
I HATE POLITICS IN SOCCER AS MUCH AS I LOVE RACISM IN SOCCER
1.) Retake, didn't leave the penalty area.
2.) Both red. Ninjas aren't allowed in soccer.
3.) Goal, and lots of explaining why you stood in such a position.

Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

Keith Hackett posted:

1) I'm sure the attacking side will protest about this, but you should not take any action against the defender: it does not count as unsporting behaviour because, quite simply, the ball is not live until it leaves the area. So while the defender may have used that law to avoid being in a difficult situation, he has not committed an offence. Award a retaken goal-kick. Thanks to Brian White.
2) Two. Clearly the striker is going to feel hard done by here, but his attempt to defend himself involved aggression and excessive force. Both players have committed red card offences, because attempting to strike an opponent is a dismissal whether or not contact is made. Brian Quinn wins the shirt.
3) Goal. I would never want to encourage this sort of play, but you, the referee, are considered part of the field of play, so the game continues as normal. I remember many years ago refereeing a Yorkshire league game between Frecheville and Stocksbridge where the ball struck me like this and bounced very nicely for the Stocksbridge centre-forward Gordon Walker, who unleashed a fierce shot into the back of the net. Guess who was a little red-faced? Thanks to Robert Smalling.

oliwan
Jul 20, 2005

by Nyc_Tattoo
I guess your mam.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about
I'm still wondering what the debate is about the first one. Okay, the ball never left the area, so it's not live. But if it had, so what? You're allowed to pass back to your keeper anywhere on the pitch. It's not unsporting behavior.

ayb
Sep 12, 2003
Kills Drifters for erections

Captain Trips posted:

I'm still wondering what the debate is about the first one. Okay, the ball never left the area, so it's not live. But if it had, so what? You're allowed to pass back to your keeper anywhere on the pitch. It's not unsporting behavior.

Based on the picture and not the text, I'd assume the issue was the keeper picking it up. But you're right, it never left the area so retake

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/feb/06/you-are-the-ref-paul-trevillion

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CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
1. Tell him to take it off and get back to the game. Give him a yellow for removing his extra shirt when he does, ha.
2. Unapproved equipment. Also, being a jerk. Yellow. Search phone for pics of player's girlfriend.
3. No Hawk-Eye and you're not sure, so no goal. But the ball did strike an outside agent, so drop it on the six-yard line and run like hell.

Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire
Kaka just did the first one a few weeks ago, though I don't think he put it on, he might have just held it up. Inzaghi did the same thing with his 300 shirt. I don't see how that can be punished.

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
A better question for #3 would be "A striker chips the goalkeeper and the ball is slowly rolling into the net when it hits the goalkeeper's water bottle and stops on the line. The opposition are furious and insist that without the water bottle it would have rolled all the way into the net. What do you do?"

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

1. Im sure this will get ruled for inticing the crowd, but I'd let him slide.

2. Send the player off. Also, what team has loving pockets on their kit?

3. Call it like you see it. Tell the keeper to move his water bottle further back or outside of the net regardless.

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

These You Are The Ref just keeps getting worse.

ayb
Sep 12, 2003
Kills Drifters for erections

Hegav posted:

These You Are The Ref just keeps getting worse.

they're just running out of different ideas.

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.

Quiche Hackett posted:

1) A tough call. Instead of removing his shirt – an automatic yellow card offence – he's put another one on. But if he has unnecessarily delayed the restart he should still be shown a second yellow. I would try to avoid that, but if he really does cause a hold-up, you have little option. If you do give him the benefit of the doubt, make sure he removes the new shirt before play resumes. Thanks to Phillip Mercer.
2) Yes. Unless you are playing an advantage, stop play and caution him for unsporting behaviour. Taking a phone on to the field of play could present a danger. Once you've shown him the yellow, order him from the field, restart with an indirect free-kick, and allow the player to return, minus the phone, when the ball is next out of play.
Tom Clayson, aged 7, wins the shirt.
3) If Hawk-Eye has not registered a goal and you and your assistant are not sure that the whole of the ball has crossed the line then you cannot award a goal. Stop play and treat the bottle as an outside agent by awarding a dropped ball on the goal area line parallel to the goalline. Make sure the keeper has the bottle in the back of the net before resuming play. Thanks to Gareth Pritchard.

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CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.
Oops:

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/feb/13/you-are-the-ref-paul-trevillion

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