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Uncle Salty posted:I know this makes me the worst person but you write: You just reminded me of something I wanted to ask Benny. Benny, is English the language spoken most often in your home?
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Mar 18, 2014 04:29
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benny the snake in over one earth year's time you have managed to achieve the possibility of volunteering in a library, maybe. this is literally the sum of your efforts. this is cause for an existential meltdown wherein all thought is drowned out by the terrifying sound of your mindless reverberating screams but you are here seriously considering and responding to criticism about your internet stories for goons about a culture you're not a part of half spoken in a language you don't understand. you absolutely, completely own.
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Mar 18, 2014 04:44
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Croc Monster posted:
Actually, while he hosed up the main prompt (and hence got DQed), he got his punitive flash rules (espouse the virtues of honesty and following rules) right, and managed to tell a not-terrible story. It ain't Hemingway, but it's also far from the worst Thunderdome has seen. Benny's writing seems to be improving, slightly.
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Mar 18, 2014 05:10
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Yeah, I read it when he posted it. Worlds better than his previous entry.
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Mar 18, 2014 05:26
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Benny you realise your status as a registered sex offender is going to stop you being able to volunteer at the library right? Also seriously Obamacare already holy poo poo.
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Mar 18, 2014 05:35
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I had a couple of jobs/situations where I had to get fingerprints (public library, tutoring for a company, visa). If you're waiting for the library to call you to make an appointment for getting fingerprinted, you'll be waiting forever; in each of those jobs, it was my responsibility to book the appointments. You have to phone them up yourself and give them the name and address of your contact at the library, &c. The police forwarded the information on to them (although I also got a copy).
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Mar 18, 2014 06:14
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Ms Boods posted:I had a couple of jobs/situations where I had to get fingerprints (public library, tutoring for a company, visa). If he's actually telling the truth for once and wasn't misunderstanding, then he should just go through whatever their hiring process is exactly as they tell him. Benny really needs practice on following instructions. Do you really want Benny to show up at a police station by himself without a note attached to his chest in case he gets lost? In all seriousness, I had to wait to receive a card by mail from my employer in order to get fingerprinted. No appointment necessary though, just showed up at the police station.
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Mar 18, 2014 06:35
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Benny you have obtained a volunteer position that teenagers routinely get from a organization that requires the bare minimum of social skills and hygiene. This is not an achievement; it would be like somehow sneaking back into high school to redo grade 10 English and talking about how you got a B for your story before the guidance counselor asks to see you due your disturbing family killing writing themes. You have to stop congratulating yourself for doing things that the majority of adults take for grant and actually address the suggestions that matter like signing up for Obamacare.
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Mar 18, 2014 06:43
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superv0zz posted:Later that day, Shyamaladingdong killed Agatha Christies' entire family. Tenner says he asks his parents to call him 'homes' and or actually refers to himself as Benny the Snake edit: Also yeah I volunteered at a library for a while when I was trying to decide what to do with my life and the orientation was basically half an hour. We did, I believe, require a CRB check to be alone with the kids but that was it. It was, at least in my experience, not just stacking books. In fact it was hard work sometimes and inspired me to get a degree so I could be a real, paid, proper librarian. Although you already have one of those. Also please don't crash the returns trolley into the Librarian's legs and then deny it 
happyflurple fucked around with this message at 08:07 on Mar 18, 2014 |
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Mar 18, 2014 08:00
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argondamn posted:If he's actually telling the truth for once and wasn't misunderstanding, then he should just go through whatever their hiring process is exactly as they tell him. Benny really needs practice on following instructions. Do you really want Benny to show up at a police station by himself without a note attached to his chest in case he gets lost? Interesting -- perhaps it differs from state to state; I did have to bring contact details so plod knew to whom to send the details. I did have to phone up to make an appointment, though, with the local Staties. I just envisioned Benny waiting a few weeks for the library crimedog unit to ring him up to let him know they're ready for his close-up, then of course when nothing happened, he would assume that he didn't get that position either. If you do get stuck in as a volunteer there, Benny, you do need to be proactive about opportunities for advancement. They are there, but you'll need to be vigilant about looking out for them, networking, &c. I started as a shelver when I landed my gig and then kept an eye out for positions as they came open. Moving from shelving to actually working the public desks is far more interesting, and it give you a chance to work at the different areas in the library. You also want to schmooze, as many times the really good positions are found out by word of mouth, and, at least in my state, the openings/interviews were held at very specific, set times of the year. Depending on your qualificiations, you can land some interesting positions; I do'nt have an MLS, but I jumped at the chance for one of those open interview times, and landed a position as a reference librarian, alternating between two branches in my county. (I ended up not taking it, however, as by that time I'd also landed an adjunct position and was more interested in getting my foot back in the academic door rather than continuing along with library work). That said, I got my tutoring gig through the library: I noticed quite a number of people who did their tutoring in our study rooms, and finally one day asked one of the tutors whom he worked for and if there was a contact number, &c. So if you're really keen, there could be some good opportunities to be had.
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Mar 18, 2014 08:36
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That drat Satyr posted:Benny, for your next TD entry I propose this as a flash rule: you must prove that you are racially diverse and are not allowed to write any more stories featuring Hispanic characters or set in Hispanic locations. To prove that you are capable of writing about more than Hispanic origins, your next story must be about one of the following: A single working mother that is a first generation immigrant from China, Three brothers living in sub-Saharan Africa, or a Russian 'mail order bride' getting ready to meet her first marriage prospect from the Internet. You get bonus credit if you somehow manage to include all three of these subjects in the same story with more than a paragraph about each. "What up holmeski", said Svetlana as she killed her new family.
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Mar 18, 2014 09:38
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Alkaiser posted:Benny you have obtained a volunteer position that teenagers routinely get from a organization that requires the bare minimum of social skills and hygiene. This is not an achievement; it would be like somehow sneaking back into high school to redo grade 10 English and talking about how you got a B for your story before the guidance counselor asks to see you due your disturbing family killing writing themes. He should definitely do Obamacare, but I'd say getting the library thing is probably more important on the road to getting an actual paying job, if only for the potential reference and random networking possibilities. Keep your ears perked, Benny, and if you hear anybody talking about how so-and-so needs someone to do X or how their company is having a hard time finding Y, jump on it. Even if it's awkward, you'd be surprised at how even the most casual of acquaintances can sometimes bypass a ton of job-hunting bullshit.
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Mar 18, 2014 10:08
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https://www.healthcare.gov/
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Mar 18, 2014 11:09
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This is going to turn into Benny's version of ~*~*~*~*GET HELP*~*~*~*~, isn't it.
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Mar 18, 2014 11:27
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~*~*~*~*GET HEALTH*~*~*~*~
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Mar 18, 2014 11:37
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Sign up for the drat Obama care
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Mar 18, 2014 11:47
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Its possible he (or his mother) is extremely conservative and thus doesn't believe in Obamacare.
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Mar 18, 2014 12:16
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ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A VOLUNTEER JOB? ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T JUST SIGN UP FOR A LIBRARY CARD?
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Mar 18, 2014 12:58
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3221 unread posts. Anything good?
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Mar 18, 2014 13:36
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Tyrannosaurus posted:Its possible he (or his mother) is extremely conservative and thus doesn't believe in Obamacare. There are a few religious groups that don't believe in insurance, though I'm pretty sure Benny's not Amish.
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Mar 18, 2014 13:51
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Fugue Stater posted:He should definitely do Obamacare, but I'd say getting the library thing is probably more important on the road to getting an actual paying job, if only for the potential reference and random networking possibilities. The problem is that he's had actual paying jobs which were lost through to incompetence; he can get jobs but he needs to work on not being incompetent. But Benny will just cherry pick whatever posts are easy to follow. If Benny were to post that he successfully wiped his butt I'm sure he'd latch on to the one post congratulating him even if the other 99 were about that children master potty training by grade school.
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Mar 18, 2014 13:52
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Benny, just admit that you're still covered under one of your parent's healthcare policies and the whole "Can't get therapy cuz I don't have healthcare." was a lie.
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Mar 18, 2014 14:05
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serious norman posted:3221 unread posts. Anything good? Benny started reading a new book. He likes it!
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Mar 18, 2014 14:28
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Click! Benny's finger thumps decisively down on the mouse button, saving his work. "Man that's the best episode of 'Holmes: Mexican Man with a White Trash Plan' yet" he thinks. "Guess I better go look at a few jobs" clicking his internet icon he types in the web address. He scans the front page for a minute then navigates to the forum he's popular on and browses for a while. Feeling a twinge in his gut he looks at the clock. "I need to eat" he mutters to himself on the way up the basement stairs as he shambles to the bathroom. The twinge intensifies. "Yeah, definitely time to eat". The habit of turning on the faucet to make people think he washed his hands is so ingrained in him by now he does it without thinking. Walking down the hall, shaking his hands as if to dry them, the front door opens. His mother staggers in. Shadows under her eyes, she stares dully at her son. "Is there anything to eat" Benny asks. Her voice is a faint whisper "Let me take care of your abuelo then I'll see if there's anything in the kitchen" Benny sighs. He walks past his father who is ensconced in his favorite recliner watching Duck Dynasty and into the kitchen. A Mountain Dew Float sprinkled with cheetos would hit the spot right about now. He sets about mixing his treat when his brother Danny walks in. "Gimme that ice cream, fart huffer" he says. "No, get your own." Benny tersely replies. A slap fight ensues, broken up when their mother rushes in. Grabbing their hands she shrieks "YOU ARE NOT BEING GODLY!" as she shakes their arms emphatically. Benny rips free "IM CALLING THE COPS! I SPENT ALL DAY APPLYING FOR JOBS I DONT NEED THIS CRAP" He trips over his own feet and falls on his face in the hall trying to run out in a huff. A minute later he returns for his float and stalks back out. His Mother glowers after him a moment but then dozes off where she's standing. She's just come off of a 28 hour shift and she's tired. Danny shrugs and grabs the bag of cheetos. He's got some Victoria's Secret Catalogs to look at so he heads back to his room. He farts down the basement steps on the way. "TAKE THAT DONG CRINKLE!" He shouts down the steps. Benny doesn't bother to respond, just extends his middle finger in the direction of the door. He settles himself in his desk chair happily slurping on his drink, pausing to blow cheeto chunks out of the straw. Lets see what's new on the forums. "Oh a link to https://www.healthcare.gov/ Oh what the hell I'll sign up. Only if it's one page though. He flexes his fingers and types in https://www.healthcare.gov/ fills out a few boxes and promptly forgets about it. A month or so later, Benny is out in the yard in his super hero outfit pretending to be a mighty crimefighter. The mailman strolls up the walk. "Hello there Benny, I have something for you" Curious, Benny thanks him and opens the envelope. Inside are two insurance cards. "Huh, I forgot all about that" he thinks "I HAVE been having this weird stomachache I might as well call and make an appointment" A few days later, he's sitting on the exam table waiting for his results. A somber doctor walks in. "Benny, you were about to die, we found a large tumor" he looks at his patient and smiles. "Had you not signed up on https://www.healthcare.gov/ you would have died you know" "Really?" Benny looks at him in wonder. "it's a good thing I took the time to sign up on https://www.healthcare.gov/ I really should turn my life around. He surreptitiously scribbles out a thank you card and hands it to the doctor. "You've turned my life around today" he says. "I'm going to go out and succeed from now on" and does just that. TL;DR https://www.healthcare.gov/
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Mar 18, 2014 14:29
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serious norman posted:3221 unread posts. Anything good? OP is an adult baby fetish weirdo, and still on track to become a bestselling author any day now.
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Mar 18, 2014 14:31
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Dex posted:OP is an adult baby fetish weirdo, and still on track to become a bestselling author any day now. He's been fired more times than he's written fiction in the last year, I'm pretty sure. That is, assuming you don't count his posting. Wangsbig posted:benny the snake in over one earth year's time you have managed to achieve the possibility of volunteering in a library, maybe. this is literally the sum of your efforts. this is cause for an existential meltdown wherein all thought is drowned out by the terrifying sound of your mindless reverberating screams but you are here seriously considering and responding to criticism about your internet stories for goons about a culture you're not a part of half spoken in a language you don't understand. It's astounding, most people I know that have this much free time have accidentally become good at something. One friend has a part time job with a cleaning service and worked at a clothing resale store for a short bit. Just by virtue of being a decently nice person she ended up talking to someone who resells clothes on eBay and working for her, and now makes a decent amount of money. This is someone who dropped out of a joke college with a joke degree and smokes more weed than anyone I know, she just found something not awful to do and basically gets to work when she wants to  I know people who resell magic cards for a large part of their income, I know a couple who both have part time jobs and the girl sews and sells hats in her spare time while she watches anime... gently caress, most professional gamers started with a job or a full time college schedule.
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Mar 18, 2014 15:03
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almightyerin posted:Click! Benny's finger thumps decisively down on the mouse button, saving his work. "Man that's the best episode of 'Holmes: Mexican Man with a White Trash Plan' yet" he thinks. "Guess I better go look at a few jobs" clicking his internet icon he types in the web address. He scans the front page for a minute then navigates to the forum he's popular on and browses for a while. Feeling a twinge in his gut he looks at the clock. "I need to eat" he mutters to himself on the way up the basement stairs as he shambles to the bathroom. The twinge intensifies. "Yeah, definitely time to eat". The habit of turning on the faucet to make people think he washed his hands is so ingrained in him by now he does it without thinking. Walking down the hall, shaking his hands as if to dry them, the front door opens. His mother staggers in. Shadows under her eyes, she stares dully at her son. This is beautiful.
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Mar 18, 2014 15:23
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http://abcnews.go.com/Health/things-obamacare-deadline/story?id=22945074#5 "Once the deadline has passed can I still buy insurance? Unless you have what’s known as a “qualifying event” you’ll have to do without insurance until the next sign up period which begins on November 15, 2014. A qualifying event, like switching jobs, having a baby or moving out of state, allows you to buy a plan during a 60-day “special enrollment” period." Come on Benny, can you please acknowledge all the healthcare posts.
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Mar 18, 2014 16:36
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And all the E/Ners and Thunderdomers looked up and shouted "Get some drat healthcare!" ... and Benny looked down and whispered "No."
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Mar 18, 2014 16:43
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Tyrannosaurus posted:And all the E/Ners and Thunderdomers looked up and shouted "Get some drat healthcare!"
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Mar 18, 2014 16:53
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Scapegoat posted:Unless you have what’s known as a “qualifying event” you’ll have to do without insurance until the next sign up period which begins on November 15, 2014. A qualifying event, like switching jobs, having a baby or moving out of state, allows you to buy a plan during a 60-day “special enrollment” period." For the record, switching from "no job" to "also no job but I get to hang out at the library sometimes" probably does not count as switching jobs.
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Mar 18, 2014 16:54
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Tyrannosaurus posted:And all the E/Ners and Thunderdomers looked up and shouted "Get some drat healthcare!" That would require him acknowledging something he's trying to ignore, so not gonna happen.
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Mar 18, 2014 17:02
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Can we seriously just post DID YOU SIGN UP FOR HEALTH CARE YET? Until Benny answers?
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Mar 18, 2014 17:29
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Scapegoat posted:http://abcnews.go.com/Health/things-obamacare-deadline/story?id=22945074#5 The most likely of those events is Benny having a baby. By which I mean "personally gestating and giving birth to a baby."
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Mar 18, 2014 17:37
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Benny, did you sign up for healthcare?
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Mar 18, 2014 17:39
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You guys are going at this all wrong. Benny, DON'T sign up for healthcare. Signing up is beneficial to you. DON'T do it.
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Mar 18, 2014 17:41
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Come on guys. What's the worst that could happen if he doesn't sign up? He gets ill. Either he goes medically bankrupt (but has no assets and no chance of ever having any anyway) or his parents take on a huge medical debt to get him healthy, in which case awesome. He gets his revenge. And debts can't be inherited so once he kills them it is gone anyway.
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Mar 18, 2014 17:44
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Hi Benny, Have you applied for any jobs today?
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Mar 18, 2014 17:58
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He may actually be a sex offender. It's so stupidly simple to just say 'nope, I'm not', but he can't seem to do that.
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Mar 18, 2014 18:07
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 11:22 |
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Robot_Rumpus posted:He may actually be a sex offender. It's so stupidly simple to just say 'nope, I'm not', but he can't seem to do that. If he is a sex offender he won't be getting the volunteering gig at the library. If it's true it'll be interesting how Benny plays it.
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Mar 18, 2014 18:27
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