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Volmarias posted:Sex and drunken Youre actually correct. The only sober person recounted this to me from last session. NWS probably If you only like serious games dont read this as it will make you furious. Party is Violet, a dwarf cleric, Mouzers, a human wizard, Fade, a human ranger, Raamiyah, a tiefling warlock, and a dragonborn paladin who has yet to be named at level 5. Everyone is extremely hungover and exhausted from gathering intel/ fighting at a tavern all night. An ugly street thug glared at the wizard all night finally he did something about it, shooting him in the foot with a magic missile. He singed the guys pants off and made him defecate all over the place. Mouzers and Violet then decided to wipe the excrement all over their faces as warpaint. The tavern cleared. They trek 4 hours to get to a gathering of giants to.call on their aid in an upcoming battle. Theyve all been poisoned by their rivals, the lizardfolk, who ground up a poisonous plant and put it in their watersupply and food stores. (No one knows why they hate eachother anymore) The giants want the lizards gone (and a cure bc apparently its basically AIDS), so they give the heroes a cart to help them travel faster. They have no horse. The paladin is the only one that is coherent and not stumbling, so he valiantly accepts bearing the burden of the oxen. The wizard, vain, horny, and overall kind of a dick who burns everything, calls the paladin a pussy. The paladin pushes the cart down a 200ft hill. While being jostled down at incredible speeds, the wizard falls on a bolt, going directly up his rear end, hitting his prostate making him ejaculate so hard that it burst threw his robe and in to the air at the same speed of the cart and amzingly arcing back down into... his own mouth. A little sidestory on Mouzers from the beginning of the campaign: An orc was cooking humans and feeding them to his masters zombie pets. The heroes were searching for a missing boy. They heard cries from the kitchen. Before even surveying, he lights up the room with, not a sunrod, but a huge burst of flames that engulfed the room. All enemies were hit, but it also traveled part way up the chimney burning the legs off the boy. He later tried to mercy kill the boy but ended up blowing his arm off. After that he hosed the boys mom. If they survive long enough, that little boy will be last fight they have. I dont know how, but he will kill all of them. ButtWolf fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Mar 30, 2014 |
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Mar 30, 2014 20:00
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magic missiles 
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That is the most  story I have ever heard.
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Mar 30, 2014 21:10
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Yawgmoth posted:That is the most Reminds me of one of the first PBP games held here, before Trad Games was its own subforum, involving penis-shaped magic missiles and an orc chieftain named Come-Sail-Away. No, I wasn't involved. But you don't forget stuff like that, as much as you might try.
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Mar 30, 2014 21:38
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Bieeardo posted:Reminds me of one of the first PBP games held here, before Trad Games was its own subforum, involving penis-shaped magic missiles and an orc chieftain named Come-Sail-Away. I realize it was probably horrible, but all that synopsis does is give me an idea for an entire tribe/clan/clique with names based on pop songs. "This is our scout, Ran-So-Far-Away. There's one of our younglings, In-The-Street. Gonna be a big man someday. And, of course, our witch doctor, Oo-Ee-Oo-Ah-Ah."
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Mar 30, 2014 23:12
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So tonight, our group ran the second episode of our Double Cross campaign. Its a bit complicated but it ended in an interesting way. Hopefully I explain this well enough. So in Double Cross you play people infected with the Renegade Virus, a virus that gives people superpowers. Think Prototype or to a lesser extent Infamous. We have 4 characters in our party. Tomiko: ( Played by sa poster MadScientistWorking ) A former Yakuza haunted by a past filled with strife, who has manifested the power to manipulate her blood as weapons. Catherine Riche II ( Played by sa poster TheDemon ) CIA Agent, posing as a CIA consultant, who is also a cyborg. El Torero ( Played by our friend Zolinn ) A Luchidore. No joke. He participates in the Japanese wrestling shows. Oh also he turns into a Minotaur. Susumu Watanabe ( My character ) A rich kid with a psychotropic flower in place of his right eye. Machiavellian in nature. Oh, and its DM'ed by Sa poster Killerqueen The jist of the campaign is, Neo-Tokyo is under attack every week by "Youma". Giant and otherwise monsters that terrorize the city. In the midst of this there are also actual god drat Power Rangers fighting off the various monsters every week. We arent them. We are a civilian taskforce hired by the NT=SDF ( Neo-Tokyo Self Defense Force ). We were hired to solve a murder. A murder possibly committed by the BLUE RANGER. Over the course of the campaign, we have investigated a crime scene, broken into a convenience store and mind controlled its clerk to swim to australia ( presuming hes dead ), fought slime monsters that posess machines, and in general run amok in Tokyo during a monster disaster. In this episode we ended up going to a Hydro Electric Plant ( not a dam ) to find and meet with the Red Ranger to ask him questions. We get there and the entire place is riddled with traps. So Tomiko ( played by MSW ) volunteers to go first. Which according to our DM, put the BIGGEST Smile on his face. We wonder through bear traps, C4 tripwires, a Monofilament trap meant to sever people in half, and two automated turrets, and end up having a casual conversation with the Red Ranger. Also known as Red State. He is an american apparently from the southern states. We basically get good info from him, help him out a bit, and he ends up leaving in what is essentially the General Lee. So we wait out the rest of the attack and the next day continue our investigation. Now in Double Cross there is this VERY ANIME power called Warding. What it does is basically put all NPC's out of the scene except for other people with powers. Its flavored differently based on your character. In my characters case.... it puts people to sleep. This comes into play. So when we interviewed the Red Ranger he pointed to some information that led us to a charity driven former baseball team owner. My character and El Torero ( the minotaur ) end up meeting him at a soup drive for the victims of the previous days attack. We talk to the guy and it seems that he might be another super powered person but i wasnt sure. So i use that Warding power, convincing El Torero and myself to pretend to faint when it happens. So i use the power, We pretend to faint, and everyone falls to the ground immediately. Except the baseball guy. And another guy dressed in a Red Suit and Red Tie. Then El Torero stars whispering on the ground where my character cant hear him, so i go "what?". Then he yells, WHO ARE THOSE TWO?. Hilarity ensues as he gives us away, and the two powered people, the one in the red suit we presume to be the red ranger off duty, and the baseball guy both stand up. So my character and El Torero do too. And thats where we ended. Other highlights include, in the first session we are attacked by our own vehicles as they get possessed by Slime Monsters. We end up blowing up our motorcycles, and the engine to our police van ends up forming into a metallic dinosaur like creature with fanblades for teeth, and proceeds to tear the everloving poo poo out of El Torero with one of the highest exploded dice rolls ive ever seen ( something like 63 on an exploding d10 ). Also Madscientistworking's obsession with throwing rocks during RPG night payed off finally, as he threw a rock at a automated turret and disabled it. He has thrown rocks, guns, and more rocks at us in previous campaigns, as a dm, and occasionally as a player. Its become a theme. In the end, we have about 30 clues, and have just about confirmed that the "Blue Ranger" in the campaign, killed a dude. But we still dont know why, dont know who the rangers are, and dont even know who the victim is yet. But its been awesome for two sessions. Also Double Cross is an awesome system.
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Mar 31, 2014 08:30
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Talkc posted:broken into a convenience store and mind controlled its clerk to swim to australia ( presuming hes dead ), fought slime monsters that posess machines, and in general run amok in Tokyo during a monster disaster. So, please tell me somebody pointed out the fact that you almost certainly murdered a man, while during the course of a murder investigation. (At the very least, I hope your GM took notes and had an evil glim in his eye during this part.  )
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Mar 31, 2014 09:10
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Captain Bravo posted:So, please tell me somebody pointed out the fact that you almost certainly murdered a man, while during the course of a murder investigation. Believe me the point was made almost instantly and made again every time the character in question or the session itself is brought up. At this point I'm half expecting the man to show up in Darwin Harbor two months later, with the headline "Japanese Man Sets Long-Distance Swim Record".
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Mar 31, 2014 09:28
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Dareon posted:I realize it was probably horrible, but all that synopsis does is give me an idea for an entire tribe/clan/clique with names based on pop songs. Have you ever read JoJo's Bizarre Adventure?
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Mar 31, 2014 12:07
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Talkc posted:Also Double Cross is an awesome system. In the Double Cross game I was playing in, I was able to use my powers to turn a forklift's blades into massive swords and set the entire thing on plasma fire, then ram two abominations into a building and dive to safety as it (and them) exploded, in this system. This person is speaking the truth.
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Mar 31, 2014 16:50
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Captain Bravo posted:So, please tell me somebody pointed out the fact that you almost certainly murdered a man, while during the course of a murder investigation. EDIT: Did I forget to add that she is a police officer? 
MadScientistWorking fucked around with this message at 19:31 on Mar 31, 2014 |
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Mar 31, 2014 17:10
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Volmarias posted:Sex and drunken I had a friend relate to me a house rule from his old group caused by their drinking. "Nothing past 10 PM actually happened going into next week."
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Mar 31, 2014 18:02
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OneThousandMonkeys posted:I had a friend relate to me a house rule from his old group caused by their drinking. "Nothing past 10 PM actually happened going into next week." My group's general rule is usually that the last thirty minutes or so of any session are open to editing/rewinding/etc just in case people find themselves less than pleased by decisions made in an altered state.
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Mar 31, 2014 18:51
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Captain Bravo posted:So, please tell me somebody pointed out the fact that you almost certainly murdered a man, while during the course of a murder investigation. I'm in-between him returning to the city to drown Tokyo with his newfound oceanic powers, or just winding up in Australia and going "that loving kid!".
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Apr 1, 2014 01:44
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have him come back leading a swarm of creatures from the lands and seas of Australia. Imagine what would happen if some of the things from there got out to the rest of the world. Like the platypus with it's excruciatingly painful toxin...gently caress it, just make him platypus man.
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Apr 1, 2014 15:27
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jimcunningham posted:Terrible things The Aristocrats?
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Apr 1, 2014 15:37
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masam posted:have him come back leading a swarm of creatures from the lands and seas of Australia. Imagine what would happen if some of the things from there got out to the rest of the world. Like the platypus with it's excruciatingly painful toxin...gently caress it, just make him platypus man. you're thinking small. Blue-ring octopi and Conch snails.
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Apr 1, 2014 18:18
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Glagha posted:The Aristocrats? I'm glad I'm not the only one who read that and thought "that sounds incredibly awful."
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Apr 1, 2014 18:29
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I'm told this story goes here: In my hometown area (pop: 250,000) there's only one gaming store. It's in the ghetto and has bars on the windows. It's part gaming store, part gym, and part liquor store. That might sound cool, but it's the worst aspects of all three. The owner has his weight bench in the center of the store and other machines set up behind the register. I don't know if customers can use it because I've never seen anyone ask. He works out all day when he's not refereeing 40k games. So the whole places stinks of his sweat. As I mentioned it's in the ghetto, and he also sells liquor and condoms and cigarettes, so you get homeless people and crackheads coming in all the time. Also he's a huge grognard. My friend was trying to introduce me to 40k and we were playing a very casual game just so he could show me the ropes. I made a move, and afterwards I realized I'd misunderstood how the phases go, so my friend let me take back the move. The owner sees us not doing things totally by regulation and came over and basically told us we had to follow the official rules to use his tables, and stood there watching us the rest of the time to make sure my friend didn't cut me any slack and that there were no takebacksies.
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Apr 1, 2014 20:14
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XyloJW posted:I'm told this story goes here: So this reminds me of a story of my own. Basically the favorite game store among my friends in town was closing down, but another one was being opened up by one of the frequent customers there in a nearby location that seemed to be intended as a "successor" to that game store. The owner ended up being a giant tool. Also it was in a lovely neighborhood and I decided to never go there again after finding out that someone got shot in the face in a restaurant directly across the street over some gang poo poo.
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Apr 1, 2014 20:31
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The gaming store I go to is very clean and nice, and while the nerds are nerdy and frequently overweight they bathe and act like decent people overall. The only part I don't like about it is that for some reason while despite being extremely clean the front area of the store you go into to get into the store proper has an extremely strong odor. Not like it hasn't been cleaned or anything, but the exact opposite. It smells like the wood has been bathed permanently in bleach and that the scent will hover there over and underneath everything.
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Apr 1, 2014 21:44
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jimcunningham posted:If they survive long enough, that little boy will be last fight they have. I dont know how, but he will kill all of them. Obviously the only proper way is for the little kid to weld himself into a hulking
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Apr 1, 2014 22:45
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jimcunningham posted:If they survive long enough, that little boy will be last fight they have. I dont know how, but he will kill all of them. This is basically the plot of 8-Bit Theater.
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Apr 1, 2014 23:07
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 : This was once a proud and regal guardian of an ancient magical artifact, and here I am going “HERE COMES THE YUM-YUM TRAIN!”(Our alchemist took a bunch of enlarge person potions and picked up a guardian construct of a temple and successfully force fed it another magical artifact we found that we thought we could use to destroy it. It did not.)
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Apr 3, 2014 04:04
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XyloJW posted:I'm told this story goes here: Grats on living in a shithole.
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Apr 3, 2014 07:33
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I just unsuppressed an old memory. Some (then) friends of mine used to tease their somewhat uptight GM by deep-throating their D20s before rolling them.
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Apr 3, 2014 22:01
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Seems like a great way to accidentally choke to death, or lodge a die in your lung.
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Apr 3, 2014 22:39
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How do you deepthroat a small round object? Do they have those oblong dice in oversized form?
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Apr 3, 2014 22:41
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In my group we've just completed our sixth Savage Worlds session that pretty much ended the first story arc in an unexpected way. The gang leader we were working under and plotting to overthrow from the beginning got killed in a raid by an enemy we thought dead. It was during a party held in celebration in conquering the rival's territory, and the first mobsters charged through the kitchens. We held them off but then a massive explosion in the main hall gave way to the gang leader and several mages armed with shotguns charging in and all shooting at our leader. He got wounded extremely badly and taken out of combat, and his likeable second in command had his eye shot out. Our GM had made the encounter pretty difficult, but he forgot that I procured a grenade and in one move took out nearly the whole attacking squad. The attack was foiled but the rival was still fighting so one of the players, who is the big tough guy, goes over to our leader: He picks him up and THROWS HIM AT THE RIVAL, killing them both We are now having to figure out the burdens of commanding the remains of the gang and occupying the territory. This is certainly a twist in the books!
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Apr 3, 2014 22:41
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XyloJW posted:How do you deepthroat a small round object? Do they have those oblong dice in oversized form?
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Apr 3, 2014 22:44
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Gaming tables are gross enough without covering your dice in various bodily fluids. 
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Apr 3, 2014 22:47
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And with bodily fluids I segue smoothly into my only ever game experience with Star Wars. d6 version, no less. I got into gaming via Vampire instead of this whole D&D thing. For a while, though, I got tired of Vampire and Werewolf and Mage and all the stupid dumb crap heaped on it all and tried all kinds of wacky crap out, from Amber Diceless (which I could do a full report of and still no one would believe it) to AD&D and a bit of LARP. And then, one day, I got invited to play Star Wars. Uniquely of all of the above things I tried out, I have only played Star Wars once. There is a reason. I showed up, and I pretty much instantly knew that this was as close to the actual nerd-basement I would ever get. The DM had every single pick-on-me sympton that exists: he was short, rotund, had freckles, red hair, wore thick glasses, had a shirt on with a pocket protector that didn't work, sweaty pits and awful shorts. There were two other players there, which for the time and for what I was used to was a very small group. The warning signs didn't really hit me until I realized that for three players, the GM had made four characters. They are: -Chewbacca. -Luke Skywalker. -Han Solo. -Darth Vader. One of these things does not belong. The GM immediately declared he was playing Han Solo and then said I would get last pick because I'm new (haha, nerds think they can haze people). Imagine my surprise when the other two players snickered knowingly and... handed me Darth Vader. Well, fine! I asked about other characters. Where were Leia, C-3PO and R2-D2? Well, apparently the WEG d6 Star Wars game has a storied history involving players wanting to play robots so that was out, and Leia wasn't allowed because "she's just Han's girlfriend". Sure, mister GM-who-is-playing-Han-Solo. I'm walked through the system, and as it turns out, the WEG d6 Star Wars a) has a rule that you have to roll to turn on your lightsaber and b) this version of Darth Vader couldn't do it reliably. Or much of anything else. So they'd handed me Wimpy Darth Vader for no reason I could determine. So then I'm told I'm supposed to wait until I'm introduced. What follows is a long game of "Han Solo rules the Galaxy", complete with creepy sexual references, while Chewie and Luke do nothing in the wings. Highlights include;
At some point through the session, Han coerced Leia into a threesome with a Twi'lek slave and the GM got so hot and bothered about describing lesbian foreplay he "had to go to the bathroom" for twenty minutes. The other two dudes high-fived each other. My brain screamed at my eyeballs. So finally the most intensely awkward game session I have ever been in (including one where a player's boyfriend showed up to play the guitar and give his love roses, in front of everyone) got to the point where I got introduced. I was the final encounter. Sure, whatever. I hammed it up a bit, failed to ignite my lightsaber, and then died in the first round as Solo blasted me away with Leia in one hand and a drink in the other. You see, he was shooting from the hip. When English is your second language, sometimes you fire laser guns by thrusting your hip at people. The GM even demonstrated this with a mop standing in for Leia. I never answered their invites to come back for a second game.
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Apr 3, 2014 23:13
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XyloJW posted:How do you deepthroat a small round object? Do they have those oblong dice in oversized form? You gargle it like mouthwash. Please don't gargle it like mouthwash.
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Apr 3, 2014 23:14
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Rulebook Heavily posted:(including one where a player's boyfriend showed up to play the guitar and give his love roses, in front of everyone) Absurd Alhazred posted:You gargle it like mouthwash. Please don't gargle it like mouthwash. Not gonna lie, I was tempted. I've got this bag of assorted polyhedrals on my desk and I was looking at it appraisingly, when I realized A) I'd bought it from a thrift shop and thus literally don't know where they've been, and B) I'm alone in the house and can't reliably Heimlich myself based on the previous times I've tried. e: Yes, I've had to try and perform the Heimlich maneuver on myself multiple times. Not just "Oh, I think I'll practice the Heimlich maneuver!"
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Apr 3, 2014 23:43
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That's insane. How old was everybody? And please tell us the Amber story. I have played Amber and quickly realised that it's a particularly bad idea to play Amber with shitlords and the shitlords attracted to Amber are very special breed, so I'm ready to believe anything about diceless madness.
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Apr 4, 2014 00:29
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XyloJW posted:I'm told this story goes here: I would watch an HBO Series about this man. E: "He works out all day when he's not refereeing 40k games."
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Apr 4, 2014 00:38
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quote:The Millenium Falcon takes on a star destroyer and wins. This was all great but then the rest of the session happened. Also if I'm ever at a table when the GM announces he has to take a wank break, resulting in a high-five, everyone in the room is getting the Roy Batty treatment.
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Apr 4, 2014 00:40
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Coward posted:That's insane. How old was everybody? I think I was... eighteen? I'm gonna say eighteen. Pretty sure that made me the oldest person in the room, though not by much. The Amber story needs more revving up, and has to go session by session. And it involves the game spilling over into real life, in a "GM comes to the cash register at my summer job and expects me to be in character" way. I still need to come to terms with half of it myself.
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Apr 4, 2014 00:57
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Rulebook Heavily posted:I think I was... eighteen? I'm gonna say eighteen. Pretty sure that made me the oldest person in the room, though not by much. When you're roleplaying without dice, the roleplaying never ends. That would actually be kind of a decent tagline for something.
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Apr 4, 2014 01:04
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I used to play with a guy, Tom, who always made "interesting" characters. In some game systems this can be fun because he's really creative and it can be entertaining, but it invariably screwed us whenever we played D&D. We were running our first game of 4th Edition and we all wanted to try out the classes and the new system. I think there were 4 players, so we had one leader, one defender, one controller, and one striker. Tom chose the striker and rolled up a human rogue. We were all talking through our characters, working out backstories, discussing potential strategies with the new system and our powers, and Tom is suspiciously quiet. We all decide that all our characters have known each other for years and have done a lot of adventuring with each other in the past, just so we can hurry up and try the new system. Tom agrees that his character has been with us for years and gone on many adventures. We go into this sewer following someone who had stolen a purse or something, and we get our first battle with some kobolds. Tom announces that his character falls back and goes full defensive. He spends the entire fight avoiding the enemy and just parrying attacks. "Tom, why didn't you help during that fight?" "My character is a pacifist and always has been. He abhors violence." "Then why the gently caress has he been in our ultraviolent group? What has he contributed?" "He can pick locks and detect traps and steal things." "Tom, the game is tooled so that the rogue is the highest damage dealing class now. We are relying on you to deal damage. The DM also expected 4 combatants when he set up the whole thing." "My character refuses to fight." Our whole party dies two encounters later. We all reroll, and we insist he not be a fuckup this time. His new character is a gnome wizard. He doesn't speak Common. He only speaks Gnomish and Elven and communicates to the rest of us through the one player who chose to play an elf. He also carries around a crossbow, cross-classed into Rogue, and spent all his attribute points on Dexterity, and insists that he's a rogue, and not a wizard and only uses spells when no one is looking. So we have a controller who doesn't have any powers that affect groups and is trying to be a striker and who cannot even understand what we're saying without it being specifically addressed to him by one specific player. Eventually the DM let us find a magic wooden mask that let whoever was wearing it speak and understand any language. Tom, in the only spell he cast the entire game identified it, and then said "My guy tells Golgoloth to tell the rest of you it's a mask of Gnomish Charisma" and then wore it for the rest of the game. And still insisted he couldn't understand us. E: misremembered details.
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Apr 4, 2014 01:33
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The one 'good' thing about putting your dice in your mouth, is nobody ever wanders off with them later on. And Jesus Christ, Tom is an archetypal special snowflake. What a douchebag.
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Apr 4, 2014 02:40
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