Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

euroboy posted:

Luuk de Jong is another myth from the eresdivise?

He might get some goals if the whole team wasn't utter garbage at the minute but i doubt he'll ever have been worth the �15m borussia m�nchengladbach paid for him

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:16

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 14:21

Hoops: Aug 19, 2005; A Black Mark For Retarded Posting

Total Meatlove posted:

Has this been posted yet?

This is 100% fantastic, there is nothing to dislike about Southampton.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:36

Wazzerphuk: Feb 9, 2001; Hating Chelsea before it was cool
Winner of the PWM POTM for September
Winner of the PWM POTM for January
Co-Winner of the PWM POTM for March

In other football clubs being nice news, Fulham have softened the blow of our still-very-likely relegation by knocking �100 off season ticket prices, whatever happens. �299 tickets in all stands, which is spectacularly cheap for 2014.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:40

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

chuggo is BACK posted:

Wait a minute, big team that needs a left back are in for the best young left back and previously key player who is out of the team wants to leave? Wow your contacts must be impeccable Taff

Thanks I'm glad you are on board

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:56

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

Extract from Diego Torres' book 'The Special One: The Dark Side Of Jos� Mourinho'

quote:

The presence of a mole at Real Madrid worried Mourinho so much that between 2011 and 2012 he ordered two sweeps of the hotel where the team stayed to search for hidden microphones. The investigations were unsuccessful. The Sheraton Mirasierra was apparently clean.

The control of information was another thing that deeply exercised Mourinho; he assigned a group of people to carry out a daily analysis of everything that the media said about him. Every morning Mourinho received a package containing the summary. His day began at 8am in his office at Valdebebas, studying videos, articles and broadcasts. He realised that he and his colleagues were not the only sources of the content, and that certain things that were being published did not exactly project an image of infallibility.

He began to suspect that there were leaks in his organisation. The proximity of the Cl�sico ramped up his sense of suspicion. According to club sources, the growing fear of leaks made Mourinho ask the directors to set up a study of the phone records of players and club employees. Some players were warned about this informally, as it was in their interest to be careful about whom they spoke to on their mobiles. The secrecy, however, did not prevent the boss�s intentions becoming widely known. In fact they were obvious in every training session.

At 5pm on 16 April 2011, shortly before Madrid�s home league match against Barcelona, the newspaper Marca reported in its online edition that Madrid would play Pepe in midfield, along with Khedira and Alonso. The team selection was unprecedented: Casillas, Ramos, Albiol, Carvalho, Marcelo, Pepe, Khedira, Alonso, Di Mar�a, Ronaldo and Benzema.

The 1-1 draw did not help the home team�s title chances but the crowd applauded their team off with a certain relief, Bar�a�s last couple of visits having ended with scores of 0�2 and 2�6, and filed out of the stadium reasonably content. Not so Mourinho.

He waited for the team in the dressing room before issuing a torrent of accusations and insults that distorted his face until he began to sob loudly: �You�re traitors. I asked you not to speak with anyone about the team selection but you�ve betrayed me. It shows that you�re not on my side. You�re sons of bitches.

�The only friend I have in this dressing room is Granero . . . and I�m not even sure that I can trust him any more. You�ve left me all on my own. You�re the most treacherous squad I�ve had in my life. Nothing more than sons of bitches.�

Casillas did not wait for the outburst to finish. He pretended that nothing was happening, turned around and went to the shower; he was not the only one who ignored the commotion. But Mourinho was filled with such intense emotion that he grabbed a can of Red Bull and hurled it against the wall. It exploded and drops of the sugary energy drink ran down the faces of those nearest to him.

Squatting on the ground � some say he was kneeling � he rattled off a further series of insults, then, getting up, he wiped the tears from his face and announced that he was going to speak with P�rez [Real�s president] and S�nchez [a director] because they would be able to find the mole. He promised reprisals and also made an analogy between martial law and football: �If I�m in Vietnam and I see you laugh at a mate, I�d grab a gun with my own hands and kill you. Now it�s you yourselves who have to look for the one that leaked the line-up.�

For everyone present it was difficult to work out if what they had seen was a real loss of emotional control or a piece of spontaneous theatre. By improvisation or calculation, Mourinho had ensured that everyone had been on edge. The team had been emotionally stirred up and he had adjusted the final details of his grand tactical plan. All his work, all his energy, the planning of more than nine months, were now focused on one goal: to reach a state of ecstasy in the final of the Copa del Rey in Valencia on 20 April.

The days were filled with impassioned talk until finally 20 April arrived. He talked about politics, about nationalism, about the inexorable division between the Castilian and Catalan peoples. He told the players that they had nothing in common with Bar�a. He knew, he said, because he had lived in Barcelona for many years, and was well aware of the local culture and the education that Catalan children receive. He explained that people like Puyol, Busquets, Xavi and Piqu� had been taught from childhood to distance themselves from Spaniards such as Casillas, Ramos and Arbeloa.

He insisted that his players were wrong if they thought they had made friendships with the Bar�a players over their years together in the Spanish national team. The Bar�a players were not their friends because they took advantage of this supposed friendship by betraying the Madrid players, trying to snatch their prestige from them through their manipulation of the press.

They, the Madrid players, were not to participate in this charade any more. They must accept their role as bad guys and should refuse to acknowledge their rivals. Mourinho warned his players that if he saw any of them shaking hands outside of the formalities of the game they would be turning their backs on him � and on their team-mates. Anyone making any such friendly gesture towards the opposition ran the risk of becoming something very much like a traitor.

The book's been out for awhile now but it's recently been translated into English.

lol

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:02

Charlotte Hornets: Dec 30, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

nice fantasy fiction

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:08

euroboy: Mar 24, 2004

@SkyFootball: Tim Sherwood to be replaced as @SpursOfficial boss at end of the season. Reaction in Sky Sports Today live blog http://t.co/ZgvJR5TfA1

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:09

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Not exactly shocking, really.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:12

kcer: May 28, 2004; Today is good weather
for an airstrike.

I dunno how we managed to get to 46 points or whatever we're on, I really don't

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:13

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

wow I can't believe it

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:14

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

kcer posted:

I dunno how we managed to get to 46 points or whatever we're on, I really don't

Yohan Cabaye

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:17

Modus Trollens: Sep 12, 2010

Impeccable timing as usual Levy loving lmao

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:51

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

Modus Trollens posted:

Impeccable timing as usual Levy loving lmao

It's all set up for a Jozy special.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:12

mila kunis: Jun 10, 2011

not not luvd posted:

Extract from Diego Torres' book 'The Special One: The Dark Side Of José Mourinho'

The book's been out for awhile now but it's recently been translated into English.

lol

Classic mindgames. He's a genius and not an insane manchild at all

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:12

Rycalawre: Nov 6, 2009

Modus Trollens posted:

Impeccable timing as usual Levy loving lmao

Stabbed in the back

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:16

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

Wonder which item of clothing Sherwood threw on the ground when he saw his Twitter feed.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:24

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Total Meatlove posted:

Has this been posted yet?

That's awesome. Southampton surely are everyone's 2nd club.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:37

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

The London Evening Standard are reporting that Courtois is going to sign a new 5 year contract

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:40

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Carragher's latest column for the Daily Mail had some details about working with Andy Carroll.

quote:

Unfortunately, though, Liverpool�s decision to pay �35million was a big mistake and it never did Andy any favours. He started well, with two goals against Manchester City on his first start, but it quickly became apparent he wasn�t the right fit for the club.

In training, he�d complain if the ball was not flung into the box � and I don�t mean from out wide. He wanted the ball to come in to him from close to the halfway line, but at Liverpool that was never going to happen.

There were other things. He found the intensity of playing three games every week difficult.

Before he might have been used to getting himself right for a match on a Saturday, then spending time socially with his mates � as we all did when we were young � but at Liverpool the training and professional demands are relentless.

He would very rarely complete a full week on the training field at Melwood and, eventually, that takes a toll. If you aren�t fully conditioned, you are susceptible to injuries and Andy suffered his fair share.Another major issue was the fact he lacked pace. He suits the way Sam Allardyce operates and is West Ham�s focal point but at Liverpool that would never have been the case. Andy may feel Brendan made the decision about him too quickly but it was the right call.

35,012,000 GBP.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 14:55

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Jose posted:

The London Evening Standard are reporting that Courtois is going to sign a new 5 year contract

With Chelsea, right? Not Atletico?

Nissin Cup Nudist fucked around with this message at 15:07 on Apr 7, 2014

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:03

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

DOOP posted:

With Chelsea, right? Not Atletico?

Chelsea presumably.

Off topic but they'll win the league comfortably next year IMO.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:10

Shoren: Apr 6, 2011; victoria concordia crescit

not not luvd posted:

Chelsea presumably.

Off topic but they'll win the league comfortably next year IMO.

Assuming Pellegrini doesn't keep relying on Demichelis and can keep City motivated against the relegation fodder.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:41

jesus WEP: Oct 17, 2004

not not luvd posted:

Off topic but they'll win the league comfortably next year IMO.

I think Liverpool will struggle to defend their title, but I wouldn't write them off

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:49

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Eric Cantonese posted:

That's awesome. Southampton surely are everyone's 2nd club.

It takes more than the promise of a free burger and a football match in Wales to become the subject of my affections.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:56

T Bowl: Feb 6, 2006; Shut up DUMMY

Next year is going to be even more of a poo poo show than this year, it's going to be great.

I will be a true plastic though and get all gloomy and sad all season next year if Arsenal blow Champions League qualifying.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:56

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

DOOP posted:

With Chelsea, right? Not Atletico?

Seeing as how its just a new contract I'd assume its with Chelsea.

Lee Charnley has been made managing director of Newcastle. Glad thats sorted before summer and he's been at the club a long time now so transfers might not take forever if we're lucky

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:25

Hashtag Banterzone: Dec 8, 2005; Lifetime Winner of the willkill4food Honorary Bad Posting Award in PWM

St Evan Echoes posted:

I think Liverpool will struggle to defend their title, but I wouldn't write them off

Yeah but who is going to take the title of most racist from them?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:50

sassassin: Apr 3, 2010; by Azathoth

Jose posted:

Seeing as how its just a new contract I'd assume its with Chelsea.

Lee Charnley has been made managing director of Newcastle. Glad thats sorted before summer and he's been at the club a long time now so transfers might not take forever if we're lucky

This new guy who worked with all the old guys surely won't be like the old guys.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:54

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

Shoren posted:

Assuming Pellegrini doesn't keep relying on Demichelis and can keep City motivated against the relegation fodder.

There's not really another option: Nastasic isn't going to play again this season and Lescott's even more of a liability than Demichelis.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:10

Koesj: Aug 3, 2003

I'm salivating at the prospect of 'big' Louis van Gaal managing in the BEPL folks!!!

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:19

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Koesj posted:

I'm salivating at the prospect of 'big' Louis van Gaal managing in the BEPL folks!!!

I suspect he'll be exposed as yet another foreign myth, unlike successful British managers such as David Moyes and Tim Sherwood.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:24

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Tsaedje posted:

There's not really another option: Nastasic isn't going to play again this season and Lescott's even more of a liability than Demichelis.

I don't believe Lescott is more of a liability than Demichelis

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:28

Grimble: Jul 7, 2002; He will build a castle with garden on an island called Cheshire, and he is permitted to breed.

Moyes and Sherwood are doing great.

Sherwood is only 1 point behind the mighty Manchester United with a game in hand, and Moyes is on the verge of having a Munich Sandwich.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:29

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

I don't want van Gaal to go to Spurs

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:33

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

not not luvd posted:

I don't want van Gaal to go to Spurs

It's okay, he won't last the year.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:36

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

Tsaedje posted:

There's not really another option: Nastasic isn't going to play again this season and Lescott's even more of a liability than Demichelis.

What even happened to Nastasic? I mean I see "knee injury" but I can't find any real details.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:38

EvilHawk: Sep 15, 2009; LIVARPOOL!

Klopp's 13pts clear thanks to video ref

I'm not entirely sure what the gently caress has happened here

quote:

Hull City: Fans narrowly back Tigers name change in ballot

Hull City season card holders have narrowly voted in favour of owner Assem Allam's plan to change the Premier League club's name to Hull Tigers.
The Football Association will decide on the proposals when its council meets on Wednesday, though its membership committee has already made a
A total of 2,565 of those eligible voted for the change, to 2,517 against.

Those in favour voted "Yes to Hull Tigers with the Allam family continuing to lead the club".
Of the club's 15,033 season card holders, 5,874 responded, with 792 voting they were "not too concerned and will continue to support the club either way".

In December, the club formally applied to the FA to change its name to Hull Tigers from next season.
Hull fans' group City Till We Die has opposed the changes, with support from the Football Supporters' Federation.
The team's "Tigers" nickname is thought to have been coined by a Hull Daily Mail reporter in 1905, in reference to the club's black and amber kit.

Though I think the bit in bold is the key part. How would Hull fare without Allam?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:56

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

Hull fan's just voted in favor of changing the club's name :stare:

http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26921004 posted:

Hull City: Fans narrowly back Tigers name change in ballot

Hull City season card holders have narrowly voted in favour of owner Assem Allam's plan to change the Premier League club's name to Hull Tigers.

The Football Association will decide on the proposals when its council meets on Wednesday, though its membership committee has already made a recommendation to reject the plans.

Allam, 74, said he will walk away from the club if the name change is blocked.

A total of 2,565 of those eligible voted for the change, to 2,517 against.

Those in favour voted "Yes to Hull Tigers with the Allam family continuing to lead the club".

Of the club's 15,033 season card holders, 5,874 responded, with 792 voting they were "not too concerned and will continue to support the club either way".

In December, the club formally applied to the FA to change its name to Hull Tigers from next season.

Hull fans' group City Till We Die has opposed the changes, with support from the Football Supporters' Federation.

The team's "Tigers" nickname is thought to have been coined by a Hull Daily Mail reporter in 1905, in reference to the club's black and amber kit.

Edit:

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:57

Chris de Sperg: Aug 14, 2009

EvilHawk posted:

I'm not entirely sure what the gently caress has happened here

Though I think the bit in bold is the key part. How would Hull fare without Allam?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:00

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 14:21

Shoren: Apr 6, 2011; victoria concordia crescit

Tsaedje posted:

There's not really another option: Nastasic isn't going to play again this season and Lescott's even more of a liability than Demichelis.

We were talking next season wherein Nastasic is healthy and they sign another CB as cover, essentially making Demichelis 4th choice (and Garcia 5th).

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:08

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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