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Ron Jeremy posted:
what the poo poo. Where was this? Did you take that photo? [edit] I see its some mall in Illinois that has an area set aside for breastfeeding.
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Apr 4, 2014 12:44
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My wife and I are 30 and have been together since we were 15 (yes, we met in highschool). We had an amazing daughter 5 years ago who, all bias aside, is an extremely bright, sweet-natured kid. She's always placed a huge emphasis on our family ("family hugs time!") and every time my wife and I fight (which has been happening more and more lately), she gets upset and starts yelling about how she doesn't want us to "fall out of love". To cut a long story short; my wife and I are separating now. It's quite a messy situation; I'll be moving into a new place which won't be able to accommodate my daughter on any sort of continual basis (as in, 50/50 custody so to speak). At this point, my wife doesn't have many people 'close' to her (the reasons for which are the reasons why this has come to a head - she has become irrational and quite hard to be around over the last year or so). She is still a fantastic mother however, and I have no doubt that focusing on being a great mother and maintaining the strong bond her and our daughter have will be the easiest way to get through this whole mess - after all, this is literally our first relationship. We've never been through a 'breakup' before, and she's become quite clingy and co-dependent over the years, so this is probably going to hurt her a lot more than it hurts me (even though it's very difficult for me too). Things are amicable enough at the moment - there's no talks of legal or custody battles, and definitely no desire to "turn" our daughter against one-another. We both know that we both love her very much, and we both have a great bond with her, but all living together under the one roof is just becoming hellish for all of us. As such, she will be having primary care of my daughter. The plan is that I will visit for dinner once per week, and have her for one weekend every fortnight at my new place once I get settled. I'm just wondering if this is the best approach? I've spoken to a therapist who I trust enough I suppose, who said that consistency is key - as long as there are firm plans in place and a maintenance of her routine, she will cope well with the change. I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how best to manage our daughter's stability and emotions through this? We've had discussions with her to let her know that we both still love her very much, and that nothing that has happened is because of her and she's a wonderful person, but I'm just wondering if there's anything else we should consciously try to achieve with her over this time? I don't even know if this makes sense. I'm in a pretty bad spot right now so sorry if this is a bit all over the place. I'm just concerned for my daughter's longterm wellbeing and I really don't know what I'm doing right now. Thanks for any help you can provide.
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Apr 7, 2014 00:30
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Is there a reason you can't see her more often than that? I know every other weekend is the stereotypical thing, but when my parents got divorced, I spent every weekend with my dad, he drove me to school many mornings, and I saw him for church activities Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, so I never felt like I was lacking. I think it really affected our relationship positively then and even now, to see how much he wanted to see me.
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Apr 7, 2014 01:18
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Consider getting her a child therapist or social worker that she can talk to on her own. My parents split when I was 7 and I know that it was important for me to have an outlet that was not my parents and get that outside affirmation that it's ok.
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Apr 7, 2014 01:19
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Cathab posted:my wife doesn't have many people 'close' to her (the reasons for which are the reasons why this has come to a head - she has become irrational and quite hard to be around over the last year or so). I would not let my 5 year old be raised 10 days out of every 12 by a person fitting this description. Find a way to do 50/50 custody.
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Apr 7, 2014 06:30
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Ben Davis posted:Is there a reason you can't see her more often than that? I know every other weekend is the stereotypical thing, but when my parents got divorced, I spent every weekend with my dad, he drove me to school many mornings, and I saw him for church activities Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, so I never felt like I was lacking. I think it really affected our relationship positively then and even now, to see how much he wanted to see me. This, this, this. Even if she can't physically live with you 50 % of the time, I think it's extremely important that you make time for her and see her way more often than every other weekend, unless things like distance and work make it not feasable. Children are so good at internalising things, and if you suddenly just (as she sees it) drop of the face of the earth for two weeks at a time for no discernable reason (distance and work), I can't imagine her not having an incredibly hard time with that and seeing it as her fault somehow. But making a point of spending time with her in her daily life, will hopefully help with showing her that you still love her every bit as much as before, which is going to be so important to her throughout such a big upheaval. Good luck, it's a lovely situation to be in, but all will hopefully turn out well in the end. My parents divorced, and I'm no worse for wear 
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Apr 7, 2014 07:58
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quote:I'll be moving into a new place which won't be able to accommodate my daughter on any sort of continual basis (as in, 50/50 custody so to speak I don't know what this means but I strongly suggest you change that as soon as you can so that your daughter does not feel like an unwanted guest in her dad's apartment. She's a person and she deserves space in both your living spaces that is solely for her, not a night or two on the couch. I've seen "amicable" divorces go nasty so many times I am very cynical about it. If you don't actively work to make it completely neutral to your daughter in every way possible, it will get nasty. No one actually does a cartoon villian job trying to turn their kids against the other parent, it's a side effect. Keep your head and take the high road with your ex. Remind yourself over and over that she did not choose either of you and she is her mother's flesh and blood as well as yours, so that every jab at your ex feels like a jab at herself. If you don't end up sharing custody now, don't expect that to last. Papers will eventually need to be drawn and if you're wishy-washing it up with not being able to provide a place for your daughter, you will get reduced time and more child support that has to be paid.
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Apr 7, 2014 08:04
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hepscat posted:No one actually does a cartoon villian job trying to turn their kids against the other parent, it's a side effect. Sadly, this is not true. I hope that this isn't the result here, but people that get divorced often HATE each other afterwards. I had a university friend who didn't see his sister because she had been turned against his dad and he was unwilling to live with his mom because of it. I had a boss who had to get a restraining order filed against his ex for trying to make his kids hate him. He ended up winning custody from her because she was being so lovely about it. Re: separation, the above posters are correct in the facts, you should get legal counsel involved and make sure everything is recorded to protect yourself. Re: housing and custody situation, you know best what your living situation is like and hopefully take the musings of internet sages with a healthy grain of salt about whether it makes sense for you to seek 50/50 custody.
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Apr 7, 2014 09:58
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Cathab posted:My wife and I are 30 and have been together since we were 15 (yes, we met in highschool). We had an amazing daughter 5 years ago who, all bias aside, is an extremely bright, sweet-natured kid. She's always placed a huge emphasis on our family ("family hugs time!") and every time my wife and I fight (which has been happening more and more lately), she gets upset and starts yelling about how she doesn't want us to "fall out of love". After reading this, the only thing I could think was how horrible of a childhood it would be if your wife transferred her clingy-ness and codependency to you onto your daughter. Honestly, a child is not a crutch you should use to help an emotionally unstable person pull through a rough period in their life.
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Apr 7, 2014 14:04
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Cimber posted:what the poo poo. Where was this? Did you take that photo? I did take that photo. It's at the Oakridge Mall in San Jose, CA.
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Apr 8, 2014 07:24
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Urghrghrlgrgh, forgot to buy more dimethicone and David's screamed and cried like craaaazy before finally sleeping, then the same between 1:30-3:00am 
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Apr 8, 2014 08:21
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Rurutia posted:After reading this, the only thing I could think was how horrible of a childhood it would be if your wife transferred her clingy-ness and codependency to you onto your daughter. Honestly, a child is not a crutch you should use to help an emotionally unstable person pull through a rough period in their life. I have lived a situation where a not-very-emotionally-mature mother made her only daughter feel responsible for maintaining her mother's happiness. That's a horrible burden to lay on a kid. The mother didn't know she was doing it, didn't mean to do it, and loved her daughter very much, but she wasn't strong enough or stable enough to take charge of her own emotions, and she ended up making her daughter anxious and high-strung and miserable for many years. Cathab, obviously I know very little about your situation and this may not be relevant to you at all. But please try to protect your daughter from falling into this relationship with her mother. Make sure she knows that she's not responsible for keeping her mother happy, and that her mother's a grownup and her happiness is her own responsibility.
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Apr 8, 2014 12:23
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My daughter is currently sitting in time out while I figure out what to do. She is four and while she has excellent language skills and good judgment, she lacks the ability to look ahead to see the consequences of her actions. (I know that's a tall order for a four-year-old, as some adults lack in that department.) So this afternoon I was looking after her and her friend as part of a regular childcare exchange. They are pretty independent, and I'm usually happy to let them run around and amuse themselves, with supervision. Today they were playing in the bedroom, while I cleaned in the kitchen. They were being slightly suspicious; they kept whispering and closing the door and running out to grab toys and running back again. I looked in on them, and they were fine, so I figured they were just playing that they had a big secret from the parents, like I used to play. Well... what they were actually doing was playing "hairdresser" with the dolls' hair, and eventually my daughter's hair. I can't even begin to describe the scene. Ten of her dolls/stuffies got "haircuts", and my daughter has no hair at all on the right side of the back of her. So, I booted them out of there and occupied them in the living room while I took care of the mess. I had to vacuum the bed and all the pillows, the floor and all of the clothes they had left out as well. Which clogged the vacuum beater bar. After I cleaned that out and tidied up, the friend got picked up (scheduled, not called) and I'm about to give her a haircut, but I'm wondering what to do in terms of consequences. It's clear that they knew they shouldn't have been cutting hair, based on their secrecy, and the fact that I talked to my daughter about it just this weekend when a friend had a similar incident. My daughter doesn't have a lot of toys, compared to her friends anyways, but I think she has too many. She doesn't keep them tidy unless I practically force her to, and she's recently and infuriatingly taken to hiding stuff instead of putting it away. I found two dirty and wet dish cloths stuffed into a load of clean laundry to be folded, for example. She also knows very well that doll hair does not grow back, because (I know this is odd) we frequently talk about "characteristics of life" and what counts as living and what doesn't, and attributes of living versus non-living things. I think the haircut will help to drive home what happened, because she's been growing it forever, and she'll see how much has to be cut off to fix it. But I don't know what to do to teach her to respect her stuff. Every thing I've done in that regard has failed. In a way, I think it's because she trusts me and her dad, and knows that we'll look after her and give her what she needs. Like I said, she doesn't have a lot, but drat if it wasn't all the nice ones she vandalized. So, to me, if you pretty much destroy ten dolls, that's ten dolls you didn't need to begin with. Also, it was my fault they had the haircutting scissors. I had them in the hair stuff basket because I just trimmed my bangs. It's time for the haircut, and then we'll see. Any thoughts or suggestions, guys?
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Apr 9, 2014 23:54
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Be happy nobody hot hurt with the scissors i guess? Kid is 4. You sound like you expect too much.
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Apr 10, 2014 00:06
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Yeah, it is an unusual 4 year old that hasn't decided to take a little off the sides at some point. Scissors are just plain interesting. I would endeavor to shrug it off, get it fixed best you can, and not make it the most interesting rebellion she's ever done. Just "Yeah, there are several reasons why we don't let children have scissors, and right here in front of us are 3 of them" then move on. Don't freak out, don't make it a big deal, because you'd much rather it be a one time thing, than a reliable way to gently caress with you. As far as the busted dollies go, I'd be tempted to just leave them in situ. If she doesn't like her uglied up toys, well, might could have seen that one coming. Things are not ruined or worthless just because they are nonstandard, or not shiny-new etc. etc. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Apr 10, 2014 |
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Apr 10, 2014 00:11
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Slo-Tek posted:Don't freak out, don't make it a big deal... Ok thanks guys. I was pretty upset (inside) because I had bought her four of them myself for her last birthday and Christmas. We don't really have a lot of money and we had to sort of save up our limited discretionary money for a while to get them for her. I didn't say anything like that, though, because I really, really don't want her to feel like we are "poor." We seriously do have a wonderful life, and amenities that most of the people in the world would envy. So I sent her to the bedroom so I wouldn't say anything I regret, and complained on the internet instead! We talked after I wrote, and she told me that she didn't really understand that the hair wouldn't grow back. Well, she said she "knew" it woudn't grow back, but she didn't really picture it before cutting. Then she asked me to replace the dolls and I told her no, I wouldn't replace deliberately damaged stuff, and that she could still play with them. I don't need things to stay shiny new, but because we are on a tight budget, I do prefer she try to keep her stuff well-maintained, because we simply can't go and replace it as necessary. It turns out that my daughter's friend actually cut my daughter's hair, but she didn't want to tattle in front of her friend and the mom. The friend had grabbed a chunk of her hair from behind and cut it without even asking. So now my daughter has a cute bob, and I'm thankful it wasn't more hair cut than that. So, since she had to have a haircut which she didn't want, and refrained from haircutting herself, I'm going to let it go. The dolls will be a reminder for her not to do that sort of thing, and the mess is long gone. I still want her to politely clean up regularly/when prompted without screaming, though, which I don't think is expecting too much at all! Edit: And the nice scissors are hidden away again. My bad.
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Apr 10, 2014 02:51
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I distinctly remember how excited I was to tell my mom that I had cut my sister's hair when I was 4 (sister was 2.5). I honestly thought she would be really happy with the job I'd done.
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Apr 10, 2014 02:58
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Chandrika posted:Snip Well, I suppose it's too late now, but I was going to suggest telling her that people only get so much hair, and when you run out you look like Sinead O'Conner. You know. If you want her to get a complex.
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Apr 10, 2014 04:10
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Chandrika posted:Ok thanks guys. I was pretty upset (inside) because I had bought her four of them myself for her last birthday and Christmas. We don't really have a lot of money and we had to sort of save up our limited discretionary money for a while to get them for her. I didn't say anything like that, though, because I really, really don't want her to feel like we are "poor." We seriously do have a wonderful life, and amenities that most of the people in the world would envy. So I sent her to the bedroom so I wouldn't say anything I regret, and complained on the internet instead! Glad it seems to have worked out. We get frustrated by this with our 4-year-old quite often as well as he seems to wreck stuff all the time, and won't clean up etc. Guess it's just a phase he's going through but I feel your pain.
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Apr 10, 2014 07:40
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Papercut posted:I distinctly remember how excited I was to tell my mom that I had cut my sister's hair when I was 4 (sister was 2.5). I honestly thought she would be really happy with the job I'd done. This also happened to me at the same ages. But I also cut off my own hair too. My mom has told the story to everyone ever. My sister's hair wasn't as bad as mine. The pictures are hilarious now. But she has left me with the scissors so she never really blamed me.
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Apr 10, 2014 14:00
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Cathab posted:My wife and I are 30 my husband and I were divorced when my son was young. We never fought in front of our son, and most importantly we never said anything negative about each other in front of him. We made sure we came up with all rules punishments together and presented them together so no one was ever "the bad guy" We have alternated holidays at each others houses and spend them together as a family. I know that totally won't work for a lot of people, but it was really important for us. We also split all his gifts evenly and they come from both of us. he's off to college in a few months and I really feel like it was worth it.It's super hard I know. There was times I had to travel and Times the x wasn't around as much as he wanted but if you can be around more it will make a huge difference in your daughters life. I don't think I could have made it through on my own.
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Apr 12, 2014 07:31
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Hi moms and dads. Any recommendations for toddler safe finger paint? She is still in the "let me taste this" phase but I thought it would be fun to let her play around and get messy for some sensory exploration. I'm open to making my own but I don't want to use traditional food dye bc it's gross and chemically. Thanks.
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Apr 12, 2014 16:57
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I can ask what kind they use at the daycare we go to. Our son is always coming home with paint based artwork.
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Apr 12, 2014 17:26
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frenchnewwave posted:Hi moms and dads. Any recommendations for toddler safe finger paint? She is still in the "let me taste this" phase but I thought it would be fun to let her play around and get messy for some sensory exploration. I'm open to making my own but I don't want to use traditional food dye bc it's gross and chemically. Thanks. The standard around these parts is just cheap non-toxic tempera paint. For making your own without food coloring, that's pretty much a matter of making a cornstarch and water base, then blending in steamed fruits or veggies to get the desired color (broccoli, peas, blueberries, strawberries, corn, carrots, etc). I did a lot of just letting my kid paint with yoghurt, pudding and whipped cream and not really caring about having a wide variety of colors. When my son was in the infant program for kids with special needs, they mostly used whipped cream with food coloring in, and pudding with sprinkles rather than glue with glitter.
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Apr 12, 2014 21:27
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My 17 year old was worried about a sexual issue last night and he came and spoke to me and his step father, and we had an unembarassing adult conversation about it and gave him advice. Probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it was one of the things I'd always worried about dealing with as a parent as my mum wouldn't even talk to me about periods, never mind sex in all its glory. I am so glad that not only does he feel comfortable enough to talk about stuff like that but I could speak about it and help him without feeling embarassed and wanting to run away.
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Apr 14, 2014 09:14
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hookerbot 5000 posted:My 17 year old was worried about a sexual issue last night and he came and spoke to me and his step father, and we had an unembarassing adult conversation about it and gave him advice. Probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it was one of the things I'd always worried about dealing with as a parent as my mum wouldn't even talk to me about periods, never mind sex in all its glory. I am so glad that not only does he feel comfortable enough to talk about stuff like that but I could speak about it and help him without feeling embarassed and wanting to run away. My mom didn't have the conversation with me until I was 22 and already out of college. I plan on being as honest and open as I hope is reasonable, starting with when my kids start going to preschool and having the "inappropriate touching" conversation. I already try to be honest with them about their genitals (one is a boy, one is a girl) which paid off when my son was able to tell me his penis was itchy. I've never understood the need to have body shame or not discuss things like masturbation and periods to pre-teens. Hormones are a reality nearly everyone has to deal with.
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Apr 14, 2014 18:54
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By the way, if you have teens, be aware the morning after pill is available OTC now and you can even order it on Amazon. It has a shelf life of about four years. You absolutely should own a dose and let your kids know it is available in case of emergency, no judgment.
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Apr 14, 2014 19:13
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jassi007 posted:I'm sure this has been discussed to death, but our picky eater makes me bonkers sometimes. He's 2.5 and doesn't eat a lot as is. he's healthy and all that, his pediatrician has no concerns about his weight, but getting him to eat a vegetable or most meat is a nightmare. We try to offer rewards, and often times that is not enough. He'll often opt to go without dinner or not get to watch a cartoon over one piece of carrot the size of a dime. Even things like putting chese on cauliflower doesn't help. We're going to try some recipes that use something like cauliflower to make a crust and give him "pizza" but even assuming this works it is so frustrating. It can't be reasonable for him to eat pbj, fruit, pizza, and chicken nuggets his entire life (this is his diet of choice) I understand his tastes will change, but that is some far distant future I can not imagine. Have you had him evaluated for possible sensory issues? This may just be normal and he will grow out of it, but I was a picky eater because of the textures and tastes of foods. Some textures and tastes are overwhelming. I also didn't eat much either. It didn't help to be punished, though, or offered rewards. I was scared of the food. I was often made to eat baby food veggies before I could be done with dinner. My diet also changed further after my mother passed away unexpectedly when I was 8. There are some things I remember eating before she died that I wouldn't eat now. Thankfully, at some point my parents realized that since I was perfectly healthy according to doctors and lab work, that it made sense to pick their battles instead of using food as a way to assert control or make me prove my obedience. It's embarrassing as an adult to be a picky eater. Most people don't understand it as being a sensory/anxiety issue and think of it as being prissy or difficult or immature, and I'm too old to get help for it now. It may be nothing but if this is a sensory issue, then he's at the right age to get help. Rurutia posted:After reading this, the only thing I could think was how horrible of a childhood it would be if your wife transferred her clingy-ness and codependency to you onto your daughter. Honestly, a child is not a crutch you should use to help an emotionally unstable person pull through a rough period in their life. This. This often happens a lot in divorces when the mother has full custody—making the child into an emotional "partner" when the child just needs to be a child and to have friends she sees who are also children. The child will also mimic the mother because she's her role model, and this will include her clingy-ness and anxieties. If your wife doesn't have many people close to her and not much of a support network, this unhealthy dynamic is probably going to happen. Just make sure everyone involved has therapists that they actually go to. greatn posted:By the way, if you have teens, be aware the morning after pill is available OTC now and you can even order it on Amazon. It has a shelf life of about four years. Wait, it's on Amazon? Awesome. For some reason I never thought of that when it became OTC. (Edited to add more responses.) samizdat fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Apr 15, 2014 |
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Apr 15, 2014 20:42
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Never thought I'd be the parent that digs childrens programming more than my kid, but here I am watching Peg + Cat and my daughter does not give a gently caress.
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Apr 17, 2014 17:04
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flashy_mcflash posted:Never thought I'd be the parent that digs childrens programming more than my kid, but here I am watching Peg + Cat and my daughter does not give a gently caress. I think Peg + Cat is adorable. Viv is still a little too young for it but I have a few episodes on my iPad for when she's ready. Also, I think Wallykazam is cute and I don't mind watching that. Her fav show however is Red Dwarf, so I'm a proud mamma.
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Apr 17, 2014 17:29
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flashy_mcflash posted:Never thought I'd be the parent that digs childrens programming more than my kid, but here I am watching Peg + Cat and my daughter does not give a gently caress. I'm TOTALLY FREEAAAKINNNGGG OUUTTT!!!
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Apr 17, 2014 18:01
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My wife and I regularly show each other funny sesame street shorts. Sesame Street is like heroin for Alex. If we need her to calm down for some reason, it never fails.
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Apr 17, 2014 18:59
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flowinprose posted:I'm TOTALLY FREEAAAKINNNGGG OUUTTT!!! Sydney jumps up and does this little dance when she says that which just kills me. It's really masterful how they weave these pretty high-level math concepts into such a catchy little show. I had no idea that the co-creator is the guy who created Rent (the musical).
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Apr 17, 2014 20:30
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I have no idea why, but I loving love the Chicka Show on Sprout. My son is only 10 months so any TV is "mom needs 5 minutes to eat/poop/whatever" and he isn't really too into it except and unless he hears Chicka, then it's glued to the TV time.
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Apr 17, 2014 20:50
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sudont posted:I have no idea why, but I loving love the Chicka Show on Sprout. My son is only 10 months so any TV is "mom needs 5 minutes to eat/poop/whatever" and he isn't really too into it except and unless he hears Chicka, then it's glued to the TV time. Kelly is pretty easy on the eyes, but she's no nina
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Apr 17, 2014 20:53
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flashy_mcflash posted:Never thought I'd be the parent that digs childrens programming more than my kid, but here I am watching Peg + Cat and my daughter does not give a gently caress. My son is just about sick of Peppa Pig but welp
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Apr 17, 2014 22:11
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My response to Ron Swanson talking about Doc McStuffins was extremely disproportional to how I should have reacted. I find myself watching that show when my daughter isn't even in the room.
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Apr 18, 2014 02:37
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My 13 mo old still aint talking, anything I can do to help him along? I feel my 3yo had a few words under his belt by now. Also I recently discovered my wife absolutely hates Sesame Street for some unknown reason and my son has still never watched it. What's the best way to get her committed?
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Apr 18, 2014 05:59
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FCKGW posted:My 13 mo old still aint talking, anything I can do to help him along? I feel my 3yo had a few words under his belt by now. I wouldn't stress it too much, just keep repeating easy-to-make sounds to him (dadada is an easy one) and engaging him visually and he'll get to it eventually. For our kids I also named everything that I showed to them and was always making sounds. Re: sesame street, I'd recommend a divorce.
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Apr 18, 2014 08:34
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FCKGW posted:My 13 mo old still aint talking, anything I can do to help him along? I feel my 3yo had a few words under his belt by now. My 3-year old is very chatty and enunciates his words very well and he didn't really get talking until after 2. My 15-month old appears to be following the same path and I am totally fine with it. She gets a little frustrated by her inability to communicate, but she'll get there. If you really want to encourage it, ask a lot of questions, repeat the words you want to hear, and praise when communication is established.
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Apr 18, 2014 08:46
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