|
This is an ancient example, but in case anyone hasn't read it, the Eddie Murphy "hit the floor" story:quote:Karen, a Midwestern housewife, took her first trip to Las Vegas last year. She had done very well playing the slot machines, winning a bucket full of quarters. Karen needed a break, and she left the casino heading toward the elevators, taking her bucket with her. I mention this story because my grandma's caregiver recently told us about how this happened to her in-laws back in the 80's. I didn't have the heart to tell her I knew she was bullshitting, because she's generally a pretty nice person. Anyone else have any STDH encounters in real life?
|
# ? May 8, 2014 23:30 |
|
|
# ? May 28, 2024 14:40 |
|
Nckdictator posted:I stopped taking showers every day. I have stopped the religious scrubbing of my masculine body scent with the artificial chemical you call soap. Since then, my success with women has increased 400%. My intoxicating pheremones now fill the air around me, attracting women who long for a rugged, natural man. 400% of zero is still zero
|
# ? May 9, 2014 00:45 |
|
Found on tumblr: 1. Outrageous rear end in a top hat 2. Set up for a punchline
|
# ? May 9, 2014 01:02 |
|
That's an old joke. Was he passing it off as his actual story?
|
# ? May 9, 2014 01:26 |
|
duralict posted:Thank goodness there was a man there to intervene. They left out the part where the hero tips his fedora, and escorts M'lady out of the store. And then they both married the lady who asked if she was a lesbian, and everyone clapped.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 01:30 |
|
WickedHate posted:Found on tumblr: FW:FW:FW:FW:TOO FUNNY THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE
|
# ? May 9, 2014 01:33 |
|
WickedHate posted:Found on tumblr: Ah the first "Learn the difference between a joke and a lie being passed off as real" of this thread.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 01:38 |
|
I have learned my lesson.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 02:16 |
|
WickedHate posted:I have learned my lesson. Sounds like you went a bit too fast with posting that
|
# ? May 9, 2014 02:21 |
|
I didn't notice that it was posted by someone to another's page, and I'd never heard the joke before. My apologies.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 02:26 |
|
quote:At a bar one night, there was a group of terribly drunk douchebags across from me, clearly talking poo poo about me. I’m a decently sized man, but ignored them and kept talking with my group. Apparently I made a notion in their direction or did something they didn’t like so one of them stood up, got in range of me, and threw an empty bottle of vodka in my direction. I didn’t even think, and caught the bottle by the neck, and dropped it. Then I walked up to him, punched him in the jaw, and went back to my group. It was all a split-decision reaction. I didn’t even realized what fully happened until my friend’s explained it. It was pretty surreal. quote:
quote:My girlfriend is a Christian and occasionally volunteers as a youth leader at the methodist church she grew up in. She knows that I am atheist and is somewhat okay with it. I usually go along with her to spend time with the kids and help clean up the place after open gyms and other events. The kids, who are all around 13, look up to me as another one of their youth leaders. quote:I have a few stories but I don’t feel like writing them all out in one big sextravaganza post so here’s a few bulletpoints quote:It gets weirder - June 6th, 2012 - the one night I drew the shortstraw and worked The Other nine-to-five. Midnight. We get a cult coming in. Not Scientology. Not Snuggie-Wearers-Club. A full blown satanic deathcult - blood-red hooded robes, non-visible faces, black candles, latin-sounding chanting, the works. In the middle of the group was a hobo, looking seriously out of it, and sticking out like a sore thumb. One person comes to the front of the group, takes out a notepad and golf pencil, flips it open, and starts asking everyone what they want. Big Mac meals, Quarter Cheeses, Nuggets, et cetera. The rest of them start chanting, draw a pentagram on the table in salt, place black candles at the points and corners, and move to light them. quote:I had a duplex a few years back, when I moved in all I thought was SCORE!! My neighbors where so fuckin hot, perfect large tits, nice rear end, they were just gorgeous (it was summer and they were going to the beach to layout, so they were in their bikinis). But then that night, well it was 4am, I woke up to the loudest hardest sex noises I have ever heard! Just screaming and moaning, and it went on for over an hour! I had no idea where it was coming from because I was hearing it from out my bedroom window, I thought it was coming from the large apartment right across from me, and there were too many windows to know which one, so I tried falling back asleep and finally I did. Anyways, the next day I was downstairs watching TV and it started again… except this time my kitchen cupboard doors were shaking and rattling! I was like holy poo poo… this time it only lasted a few minutes, all I could think of was I have fuckin super hot girls for neighbors and I will gently caress these woman one of these days. This went on for about a month, except it was never as loud or as rough as that first night time I heard the sex(I always felt really awkward bringing it up…). Over time I kept getting more and more suspicious, because there was never any noise from the guy(s)… I never heard guys over, nothing… until one day I put my ear up to wall(yes creepy as gently caress and I even felt weird doing it)… My two fuckin hot rear end neighbors were lesbians and loving their brains out just constantly! I thought it was kinda cool, but I thought about it and got annoyed about the whole situation… why in the world are there two sexy woman loving each other? They should be loving men(well, me), so I got a plan(to at least quiet them)… Being from Minnesota, we are all passive aggressive as gently caress, so I waited until they started having loud rough sex again… and I cranked my nice surround system up to near max… I was not playing music though, I was playing a recording of monkeys or gorillas( i don’t know what kind of fuckin primates they were), it was one of those recording of a monkey turf war, so it was just loud monkey noises… I did this until they stopped… then when they started again I played it again… this happened 2-3 times… never again did I hear them have sex. quote:Another time, I was serving a psychotic feminazi. I’m talking about the bra-less, arm-full-of-hair, moustache- toting superiority complexing nitwit who makes everybody wish for her swift and painful death. Anyways as soon as I started serving her she gave me crap because I’m a bloke. I just ignored her and zoned out a bit while she proceeded to remind me that a woman would do a better job than me. AGAIN! You FOOL. Cant men do ANYTHING right? Nckdictator has a new favorite as of 02:33 on May 9, 2014 |
# ? May 9, 2014 02:30 |
|
WickedHate posted:I didn't notice that it was posted by someone to another's page, and I'd never heard the joke before. My apologies. As long as you promise to never go that fast again, it's all cool. ()
|
# ? May 9, 2014 03:58 |
|
STDH crosses generational lines. I went to a family reunion and some old guy told us about the time a cashier checked his $100 and he told her "don't worry, I just printed it this morning." He said the cashier laughed so hard she gave him a stack of coupons. I worked retail for 4 years so I cringed pretty hard listening to his story. PUGGERNAUT has a new favorite as of 11:51 on Aug 12, 2015 |
# ? May 9, 2014 04:12 |
|
What freaking fast food places do these stories take place in that have dedicated security? Unless there happens to be a cop there getting something to eat (on or off duty, either way the story could be exactly the freaking same) i'm not sure your local McDonalds will hire sombody to sit around and make sure MEN don't gently caress up people's orders.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 04:18 |
|
The McD here have a security guard on premises at night, like 23:00 to 06:00 or whatever. It's a pretty safe suburb too so
|
# ? May 9, 2014 04:23 |
|
FrozenVent posted:The McD here have a security guard on premises at night, like 23:00 to 06:00 or whatever. It's a pretty safe suburb too so Depends on the franchisee. Rich neighborhoods like things quiet so the owners might pay for security to play angry birds and keep it the poors.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 04:27 |
|
Captain Bravo posted:As long as you promise to never go that fast again, it's all cool. Don't listen to them, go slow and you'll end up like me!
|
# ? May 9, 2014 05:34 |
|
Truly, a fate worse than death.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 05:37 |
|
I'd like to believe the cultists going to McDonald's is true, as it's just, just uneventful enough to be true. As last Halloween a bunch of dudes were dressed up as 16th century monks, who at 3am went to McDonald's across the street so that did look pretty surreal.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 06:11 |
|
My grandma who just started using facebook a month ago just shared this from some other random page. It's one I've read before several places including a "Forward this email to 20 friends" quote:A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 15:40 |
|
Somehow I forgot this onequote:Stupid loving broads. All of this time I’ve been looking for a job and guess what—it’s because I’m not attractive enough for these vapid cunts. Also, female dominated HR departments? Are there any other kind? In my old job the skirts in HR were on coffee break AT LEAST 3 times a day meanwhile I was working my rear end off. I guess I have to tolerate them since I can’t imagine any broad working in finance with scary fractions and graphs! Fake but made me chuckle quote:There I was at the park, playing Magic with some friends, when suddenly a wild gaggle of sporting jocks stumbled out of the local sports bar with their sorority skanks and started walking over. They said we were a bunch of silly nerds, and started to try and beat us up. Camly, I stood up and informed them I was a 9th level black belt, and whilst they wasted their high school years throwing a ball around and chasing skanks, I had hone my mind and body into a weapon capable of great destruction. I then challenged them to a battle of wits, a debate over Newtonian physics and relativity. Theory. Needless to say, their brows furrowed in anger, but they walked away. Everyone started clapping, and their women left them to tell me how brave I was. All my headmates cheered. quote:(There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.) quote:Walking up to the polling location, I passed several people who were passing out literature just outside of the 100 foot restricted area. Most of them were republican supporters. I kindly denied the lit. saying I already knew who I was voting for. One older guy in his mid 40’s was holding a handful of pamphlets for McCain/Palin and started to offer one to me. He must have noticed the shirt I was wearing because he quickly withdrew his offer and gave me a rude look. Still a classic quote:I saw Ghostrider with a bunch of my friends on opening night just to heckle it. We even held a contest to see who could throw out the best heckle. quote:My school had its annual blood drive, So I donated blood today and I got a free t-shirt. My school is always so fricken cold do I put my new t shirt over my shirt I was wearing at the time. Most of the people that know me don’t know I’m an atheist, because they don’t go around telling me they’re Christians or whatever so I don’t piss them off unnecessarily. So anyway I went back to class and I sit next to the biggest fundie I know, her name is lady ( not really but you know she probably didn’t want me to put this on the internet. ) however she is one of the rare people that I’ve told I’m an atheist, so when she saw me wearing my “I donated blood” shirt this conversation happened. Lady: I thought you were an atheists. Me: I am, what of it? Lady: you donated blood. Me: and? Lady: my parents said that atheists are evil and give nothing and don’t donate blood or money to charity. Me: that’s untrue. I give money all the time even to religious charities. ( I do rarely though mostly non religious ones) Lady: but… Me: but what. Lady: but… ( at this point she turns away from me kinda teary eyed, then five minuets later she turns back and says) Lady: I hope they lose your blood. I didn’t know what to say, I thought Christians were supposed to be friendly and all to people who donate. quote:Where i work we’re right on the shore of the bay, and theres a pile of rocks outside of a fence to where our cooling water pumps take suction. A woman from a cost-cutting consultant firm wanted to climb down the rocks to get a better view of the pump suction (how this would cut costs is beyond me, so i can only assume for curiosity). My father (who also works where i do) was touring her around the plant. On one hand rape happens, on the other hand.. I can't imagine anyone talking like this. quote:This is my first post, and it will be difficult to write.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 18:34 |
|
Nckdictator posted:On one hand rape happens, on the other hand.. I can't imagine anyone talking like this. The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Post Your Favorite (or Request) > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: “Am I crushing your wings right now, you fairy whore?”
|
# ? May 9, 2014 18:39 |
|
Nckdictator posted:
Why do I get a feeling that it was probably her headmates that 'raped' her?
|
# ? May 9, 2014 21:57 |
|
RagnarokAngel posted:Ah the first "Learn the difference between a joke and a lie being passed off as real" of this thread. Can we add something about this to the OP? Something like "Was the person who wrote this trying to convince people that this is a thing that really, actually happened for real, or is it just a lovely joke? If it's obviously a joke, don't post it here." That along with greentext stories being fake seemed to pop up every other page on the old thread.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 22:05 |
|
Ratspeaker posted:Can we add something about this to the OP? Something like "Was the person who wrote this trying to convince people that this is a thing that really, actually happened for real, or is it just a lovely joke? If it's obviously a joke, don't post it here." That along with greentext stories being fake seemed to pop up every other page on the old thread. Better a few greentext stories than nonstop NAR/NAW/NAAnything.
|
# ? May 9, 2014 23:23 |
|
Nckdictator posted:Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!” Sounds like this lady knew what was up. Nckdictator posted:“Am I crushing your wings right now, you fairy whore?” This chick is the Mary Lou Retton of the Oppression Olympics.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 01:42 |
|
Nckdictator posted:She came back over, head down, and went back into her office. Other consultants replaced her the next shift His dad sure did put that whore in her place.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 02:14 |
|
Buggiezor posted:My grandma who just started using facebook a month ago just shared this from some other random page. It's one I've read before several places including a "Forward this email to 20 friends" A teacher I had once gave this same basic lecture, only it was about handling work duties so there wasn't any beer involved. She also used large rocks instead of golf balls.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 03:05 |
|
Here's a repost of a classic from the last thread:quote:I'm about 6'7'' so even when I'm just trying to be friendly (i.e. not farting on a stanger kid's head) and meeting a family member's or friend's kid for the first time, I've noticed they get very 'hide between their mother's legs' intimidated on sight if I'm not sitting down. So it's not hard for me to silence/intimidate a child, especially when I'm trying to.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 07:36 |
|
I work at a public library and have had interactions with patrons that go deep into STDH territory. Most of the bizarre conversations happen because among our regulars are elderly folk slipping into dementia and homeless/halfway house types with legitimate mental illness. They really do lash out and yell with no provocation, but instead of everyone clapping and getting married there is just awkward silence as security reads them the code of conduct and walks them to the door. Then an incident report is filed and if they were violent or threatening then the problem patron gets banned. The NAR stuff bums me out, but I love the MRA and tumblr SJW stories. That archives post about Muslim Pussy Smells had me cracking up. Anyone got more STDH in that vein?
|
# ? May 10, 2014 08:00 |
|
The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Post Your Favorite (or Request) >shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: All my headmates cheered. I always enjoy the stilted tone from some of the NAR ones where, even as they've made up this little power fantasy about verbally smacking down an irritating customer, they've had to self edit for tumblr or imgur sensibilities. Where 'and I said 'gently caress off, you fat bastard, or I'll kick your rear end!' gets changed to 'Could you please leave the store sir, you are impeding other customers, or I will be forced to use my 14 years of [obscure martial arts] training to escort you from the premises' which seems halfway between quoting the letter of the training manual (so no one can accuse you of being unprofessional) and nipping in the bud any accusations of being fat-phobic, or aggressive or anything that might make them look like the bad guy - also why their enemies tend to hit every moustache twirling evil tick box.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 11:45 |
|
kitchenette posted:
|
# ? May 10, 2014 16:06 |
|
Even if that otherkin thing happened in any way, it's more likely they were taking advantage of her apparent mental illness, and hoping no one would believe her because she makes poo poo up, than because they like, hate otherkin and wanted to gently caress her normal.
|
# ? May 10, 2014 20:28 |
|
Post/username combo. Also that doesn't sound so far fetched. He saw an abusive rear end in a top hat; it's not like she got up and left the pub with the waiter after beating him up.
|
# ? May 11, 2014 01:04 |
|
quote:(There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.) This loving guy! Is this from that guy that used to post all those bullshit stories about working at the hotel? I think maybe it was in an Ask/Tell thread four or five years ago. Every single loving mundane detail of working in his hotel, he spun it like he was Bruce Willis. I don't remember what happened to him. If this is the same guy, you got any other of his stories that clearly didn't happen?
|
# ? May 11, 2014 01:30 |
|
silencekit posted:This loving guy! Is this from that guy that used to post all those bullshit stories about working at the hotel? I think maybe it was in an Ask/Tell thread four or five years ago. Every single loving mundane detail of working in his hotel, he spun it like he was Bruce Willis. I don't remember what happened to him. If this is the same guy, you got any other of his stories that clearly didn't happen? Nah, that was JoeyVapes I think http://www.scribd.com/doc/81358781/JoeyVapes-Stories
|
# ? May 11, 2014 01:52 |
|
Just one more favorite from the old thread.How do I build an underwater city like in Bioshock? posted:I’ve had a very interesting turn of events happen in my life recently, and I'm still in a state of shock (sort of). I just recently quit my job because I got into a spat with a co-worker and I decided that I wasn't going to be able to work at the company anymore as long as he was there. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, so I gave the ol’ 2-second notice, grabbed my poo poo, and walked out. Irrational? Oh yeah. So where does Bioshock, and a chance to plan an underwater city come into picture? Well, here is how it happened:
|
# ? May 11, 2014 05:58 |
|
Bloopsy posted:I'm confused, and not because I leered at the dude in the story. Was he wearing women's clothing? Is he trans? Was he wearing men's clothing in a provocative fashion (whatever that is)? Also According to their sidebar they run a "gender variant fashion blog" and it looks like they're wearing a drapey hipster dress in the post they made which I assume is what they were supposed to be wearing when the story happened. So genderbending/genderqueer. Chococat has a new favorite as of 11:23 on May 11, 2014 |
# ? May 11, 2014 11:21 |
|
Psycho Mantits posted:This is an ancient example, but in case anyone hasn't read it, the Eddie Murphy "hit the floor" story: I don't get why people do this. I can understand being gullible and blindly passing on a made-up story, but assuming they believe the story to be true and want others to think it's true (which I guess isn't always the case) why would you consciously make up parts of it?
|
# ? May 11, 2014 13:39 |
|
|
# ? May 28, 2024 14:40 |
|
made of bees posted:I don't get why people do this. I can understand being gullible and blindly passing on a made-up story, but assuming they believe the story to be true and want others to think it's true (which I guess isn't always the case) why would you consciously make up parts of it? It's a fuckin' joke, it works better if I tell it in the first person. There's a similar version that got told when I grew up but the black guys was one guy and 2 scary dogs. Guy sees the lady is intimidated by the dogs, orders them to sit and she does.
|
# ? May 11, 2014 13:45 |