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Dias posted:I'm bored, gimme something to review too! I've sorta been doing that by myself watching random anime and Game of Thrones, but I wouldn't mind the extra incentive to write crap. The Animorphs TV series, season 1, episode 11 (picked at random because I watched this show as a kid but I absolutely do not remember it).
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May 14, 2014 20:54
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I'll bite, someone assign me a TV show. I have Netflix streaming, HBOGo, direcTV on demand? Shows I have Watched: Supernatural (about two seasons behind though) Game of Thrones Elementary The Mentalist Once upon a time Resurrection The Walking/Talking Dead Alphas Terriers All the Stargates Most of the Star Treks CSI/Criminal Minds (not currently watching) Warehouse 13 Eureka Survivor The Vampire Diaries The 100 Arrow Agents of SHIELD all children's television ever (feels like) ...blah blah, I've watched a lot of TV, but there are many I have not watched, notably True Detective, Rome, Breaking Bad, Justified, Twin Peaks, Friday Night Lights... Assign me something!
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May 14, 2014 21:11
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hollylolly posted:Assign me something! Parker Lewis Can't Lose: Season 1: Episode 24
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May 14, 2014 21:15
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precision posted:Parker Lewis Can't Lose: Season 1: Episode 24 Never heard of it! Sounds perfect.  Edit: not sure I'm going to be able to find this... hollylolly fucked around with this message at 21:43 on May 14, 2014 |
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May 14, 2014 21:16
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This sounds like fun: Things I watch: Most of the HBO Pantheon (The Wire, Sopranos, Carnivale, Deadwood, 6 Feet Under, Game of Thrones, etc.) and other "Premium" channels. AMC (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Walking Dead) Mostly Canceled NBC Comedies Fox Animated Shows Some old SciFi shows (Quantum Leap, Sliders, Farscape, Firefly, LEXX, The old version of The Tomorrow People, Alien Nation, Star Trek) Stuff I have access to: Netflix, Hulu Plus, HBO Go. Things I don't watch: Recent Network Dramas Cop Dramas Anything on CBS, TBS, or ABC. Etc. That's about it. I invite the pain I am bringing on myself.
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May 14, 2014 21:27
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MrAristocrates posted:Spaced Season 1 Episode 4 I've already seen Spaced, it is a good show 
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May 14, 2014 21:30
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Max posted:This sounds like fun: Law & Order: SVU: Season 9, Episode 17
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May 14, 2014 21:30
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precision posted:Law & Order: SVU: Season 9, Episode 17 OK, I know I said cop dramas, but this is weirdly the one show I'm aware of, mainly because an episode from season one was filmed in our kitchen. I don't watch the show at all and am aware that a few people from OZ are on it, so if that's fine I'll push ahead and watch it. I'll watch this one. Max fucked around with this message at 14:33 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 14, 2014 21:36
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Paper Lion posted:I've already seen Spaced, it is a good show Have you ever seen Criminal Minds? If not, go watch Season 4, Episode 9: 52 Pickup
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May 14, 2014 21:42
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I want to see someone review Hostages Season 1 Episode 11, the episode SO BAD it looped back from an F to an A on avclub. I'm so sorry.
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May 14, 2014 21:58
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As per a deal I made in the TVIV IRC, Zaggitz gets to select an episode of a TV Show for me to review. If I fail to complete it in the week from his post, I get banned, as if it was my first review.
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May 15, 2014 02:21
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Enjoy The Head, Season 1, episode 7!
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May 15, 2014 02:23
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So. Birds Of Prey. The fourth episode of the only thirteen that got made. I'm sure there was a reason for that. But hey, it's a DC universe thing! Some kind of Batman spinoff! Hey, I'm a casual fan of that sort of thing, this can't be all bad, right? R-right? At least this show helpfully starts with establishing the lore. Unhelpfully, the lore is kind of batshit and hurts my brain. So Batman and Catwoman had a daughter and she calls herself "Huntress". She's also a "meta-human" which I guess means she has crazy Matrix kung-fu superpowers and can fight dudes good. Now, as far as I could tell, Batman and Catwoman were just ordinary humans and didn't have superpowers. Unless we're going with that weird line of logic from the awful Halle Berry Catwoman movie where Selina Kyle is some sort of crazed avatar for a feline god... but 1) this show came before that and 2) that's loving stupid. Together with Barbara Gordon in a wheelchair (hey, The Killing Joke!) and another meta-human named Dinah who can see the future or something, kind of like Christopher Walken in The Dead Zone, they are THE BIRDS OF PREY HERE COMES OUR COOL EARLY 2000'S OPENING We begin with some thugs harassing a lady and her baby on a fire escape. The lady drops her baby but Huntress catches it and does SUPER MARTIAL ARTS on the thugs and kicks their asses. HEY LADY I SAVED YOUR BAB-- oh you've been stabbed in the heart. Oh. Ohhhhhh. Huntress brings the baby back to their super swanky secret base inside a clock tower and HA HA NONE OF THESE WOMEN KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A SMALL HUMAN. DAS DA JOKE. Meanwhile we cut to the office of DOCTOR HARLEEN QUINZEL HEY OH BOY I KNOW WHO THAT IS! Except she's just a lady in business attire instead of... you know... a clown. She's choking out some scientist for LOSING HER BABY. Oh, so... so this is our villain, huh? Well, that's okay, Harley Quinn and the Joker make a good pai-- Oh. Oh, we don't ever see the Joker aside from that Killing Joke glimpse in the intro? Oh, she just sends hired goons out to do her dirty work for the entire episode? Oh. Well won't this be peachy. Harley decides to hire some more goons to go track down the baby and bitches out this scientist some more. I guess this baby is special or something, some sort of experiment. So then Huntress goes to the morgue to investigate the body of the baby's mother to see who she is. Hey, what is it with me and reviewing episodes about babies? The Grimm episode had a baby in it too. Is this my penance for poo poo talking Metroid Other M? Whatever. Huntress finds a microchip from some lab in the dead lady's arm, and then some detective starts talking to her. I guess this is like that detective from... ugh... the Halle Berry Catwoman movie. That's immediately where my mind went. They talk about some bullshit for a bit and then she pulls that whole I CAN VANISH INSTANTLY IF YOU TURN YOUR BACK FOR A SECOND dramatic exit. Back at the secret base it's MORE FUN TRYING TO CARE FOR A SMALL HUMAN! And Alfred's here! Hey, if Alfred is HERE then where the hell is Bruce Wayne? Is he dead? Is he in Italy? Did Bane break his back again? Did he retire? What are we going with here? I mean he can't be that old. Dark Knight Returns age, MAYBE. Is Huntress going to have to stop martial law in Gotham after the Russians try and nuke us? I'm getting off topic here. Huntress puts the baby to bed and kinda likes the little guy. She and Barbara talk about stuff and when she goes back to check on the baby HE'S LIKE FIVE YEARS OLD NOW. WHAAAAAAA? So this kid hyper-ages or something. He's also got some sort of "neural net" or whatever that teaches him things like how to walk and talk. Which explains how the four year-old is walking and talking now. Hyper-aging is bad because he'll be dead in three days, and they can't cut out that neural net thing either. Oh no. Back to Harley, and all we've got here is an interview to make sure this new set of hired goons is capable and won't fail. The main goon throws a knife at one of his guys and the guy catches it. YOU'RE HIRED GO GET MY KID. Back at base, Dinah reads the kid a story and he asks why he don't have a birthday. 'Cause you're a hyper-aging kid. Barbara calls up the lab and learns that the kid was some sort of experiment and he needs more testing at the lab to not age to death, so the three hesitantly decide to take him back to the lab. On the way there he hyper-ages again and we figure out that he only hyper-ages when he goes to sleep. Dinah and Barbara go into the lab but OH NO THEY'RE BAD GUYS IT'S A TRAP. They're held at gunpoint and ordered to give up the kid. God, they would have probably GIVEN HIM TO YOU if you asked nice and said that he needed the operations to NOT DIE. Instead you pull guns on people? Not cool. Huntress comes in and pulls some more meta-human superfighting BUT THEN THE KID COMES IN AND PUNCHES THE SCIENTIST INTO LIVE ELECTRICITY. ZZZZAP. After our commercial break, Harley and her goons come in to check the chaos at the lab. And now we learn Harley's plan. It's stupid, by the way. She had the hyper-aging kid made FOR her... and the reason he hyper-ages is because she's too goddamned busy to raise a kid for like 20 years. The kid is a prototype assassin. A blueprint for her family of baby assassins. I didn't make that last line up. She SAYS that. This is... stupid. This is so stupid. Disposable superpowered assassins. This CAN'T be cheaper than just hiring hired goons. Also, why do they have to hyper-age? Just make them hyper-age to like 25 and then... slow down the hyper-aging. Harley, how much god damned money are you WASTING on making superbabies? Anyway, Harley gets a remote control from the dead scientist. This thing turns on the kid's KILL MODE. I should also mention that the transition shots are like, twisty camera flights past skyscrapers. Makes me want to puke. We get some down time and sweet moments with the kid and Huntress about using your powers for good. Oh yeah, they named the kid Guy. How about I just call him that from now on? More talk talk talking with Huntress and Alfred, then Huntress and Barbara, and then the kid hyper-ages to a teenager and pulls the typical MOM I HATE YOU bullshit. He swans off to a club and Dinah tracks him down, but then some skeezy bastards start hitting on her and Guy gets all pissy about it. Huntress asks her detective friend for help just as they get a police report of BAD poo poo GOIN DOWN AT DA CLUB. So the club is in goddamn flames and we don't know where Guy is. Harley and her goons also arrive and Harley seems pleased at the destruction her lil tyke has wrought. She turns on KILL MODE and tells her goons to follow the chaos and mayhem in order to find Guy. Huntress finds Guy in a park somewheres and tries to talk to him but then KILL MODE IS ACTIVE and he starts punching her in the face. Huntress does her best to block as she tries to talk Guy down... and it works. She tells him not to hate but to love, and THE POWER OF LOVE disables his KILL programming. This. Is. Stupid. BUT OH NO THE GOONS HAVE FOUND THEM! And... Huntress and Guy work together to take out the goons. Harley you stupid fool. What did you THINK was going to happen when you turned on KILL MODE? If your multi-million dollar super-assassin could be stopped by nothing more than a bunch of hired goons THEN WHY EVEN BOTHER WITH THE SUPER ASSASSIN WHEN HIRED GOONS ARE CLEARLY MORE COMPETENT AAAAAAAAAAAAA Back at base, turns out that activating KILL MODE is causing Guy to SUPER HYPER AGE. He's dying, oh no... but before he goes, we bring out a cupcake with a candle. Guy can have his birthday now. Happy birthday, Guy-- oh you're an old man and you've died now. How sad. Harley bitches out her lead hired goon for failing to get Guy back... which, again, what did you EXPECT to happen, Harley? She snaps the goon's neck for failing her, yes, because it's HIS fault that your loving assassin DID HIS JOB WHEN YOU TURNED ON HIS PROGRAMMING. We get more talk with Huntress and her detective friend, and Barbara starts to get the feeling that someone's trying to organize crime in New Gotham. NOOOOO. So this was... well, it wasn't the worst piece of television I've ever watched. Kind of dumb and ludicrous in places and with some concepts, but not horrific or nothin'. You can do better, but you can do worse. I mean, it doesn't really FEEL like a Batman universe show. Aside from the half-second of the Joker in the intro, there's nothing really Batman-ish about this thing. Sure, Alfred is there, but... I don't know. Either way, that's Birds of Prey. I'd have been better off watching this instead. Hopefully the next thing I review for you guys doesn't have a baby in it.
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May 15, 2014 13:54
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I am down Current Shows 24 Agent of Shield Arrow Person of Interest Hannibal Archer Justified Game of Thrones Other Law and order (all) Buffy Angel Prisoner Twin Peaks Highlander homicide All star trek community Shield Smallville B5 Doctor Who Cheers Frasier Simpsons Park and Rec Office Deadwood Rome Carnivale Larry Sanders Oz Six Feet Under Fringe Spartacus Ashes to Ashes Misfits Being Human Life on Mars Just give me a show and I will let you know if I have seen it or not.
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May 15, 2014 18:02
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bobkatt013 posted:I am down Neat. Faking It, Season 1 Episode 4: Know thy selfie FreezingInferno posted:Hopefully the next thing I review for you guys doesn't have a baby in it. It won't. Power Rangers Wild Force episode 34: Forever Red
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May 15, 2014 18:05
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Everybody Loves Raymond 2x11 "The Letter" Here are some things I know about Ray Romano. I don't know if they're true but it's what I've gathered. - He's friends with and respected by a lot of other, funnier comedians, and he's supposed to be a nice guy - His show was ridiculously popular - I hate him Here we go!  The episode starts out with something that is actually funny! He comes home and some woman that isn't his wife is there and he's like  I have these dreams sometimes I'm Helen, from Tupperware Yep, that's one of themThe studio audience laughs way too much at every single line though and it ruins it a bit. OK so it's one of those sitcom episodes where the husband and wife are having "boy's night"/"girl party" AT THE SAME TIME! HIJINKS WILL NO DOUBT ENSUE, DEAR READER. JINKS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. Some old guy says "WHAT'S WITH THE BROADS?!" Because they're watching a fight, you see, which only manly men do. I guess. Ray's brother shows up. I hate Ray's brother more than Ray, and I have no idea how he got his own spinoff. He is aggressively unfunny. I think I've figured this show out. Every joke consists of Ray's wife saying something, Ray looking sheepish, and then saying something. There is a formula to my despair. Also, Ray sounds exactly like the Henchman from Venture Bros. that died. Now I am a sad. Why don't men ever wanna measure anything? Why do you think?*LAUGHTER* Because dicks, you see. At least I think that's the joke. I have never known a dude who has been insecure about his junk size and I find jokes about it baffling. The old guy makes a joke about gay people because haha gay people. Oh and he makes a "Take my wife, please" joke. Like, he literally makes that exact joke with a couple words in different places. "Take her, I'll throw in the dip!" he says. Whatta character! What is "The Letter"? Episode is halfway over and I see no letter. Oh, I guess the letter is Ray's wife writing a letter to his mother because apparently she is The Worst, even though she didn't do anything bad or wrong aside from "not getting" the dick joke? She seemed like a nice lady to me.  Then I just zone out because it's all just kind of noise to me. The letter gets to the mother and the father reads it, and finds it hilarious because GET IT HE DOESN'T LIKE HIS WIFE. Now the mother is writing a letter to the wife. Now the wife is here and so is the mother. They confront each other and it's pretty anticlimactic. They get all weepy and hug it out. Awww. In Summary C- I guess. A few terrible parts, but mostly just seemed really lazy and the audience laughter probably took up, no kidding, 5 full minutes of the show, which is why so little seemed to have happened. Like, they didn't even SHOW the "guy's party" which took about 5 real time minutes because I guess the boxing match was one of those that only lasts 5 minutes. OK, someone assign me something else, preferably something obscure and good because I just did NCIS and this show I have put in my due diligence here.
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May 15, 2014 20:55
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I'd like to see people to review: Power Rangers Turbo: Episode 22, "Trouble by the Slice" 24: Season 3, episode 18, "6:00 AM-7:00 AM"
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May 15, 2014 22:12
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I've got two hours free and Hulu+ if someone wants to request something. Bear in mind that if a show is good, I've probably seen it.
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May 15, 2014 22:35
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Irish Joe posted:I've got two hours free and Hulu+ if someone wants to request something. Bear in mind that if a show is good, I've probably seen it. Power Rangers Super Megaforce episode 6: Spirit of the Tiger
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May 15, 2014 22:37
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I only know that this show should have been cancelled two seasons running and I think Kristin Kreuk is in it. Also the monster makeup from the last BatB adaptation was hilariously bad and I laughed at it as a child. So let's jump on in! Previously, on Beauty and the Beast... "I can't keep juggling this line between beast... and man, it's just-- it's too confusing. C'mon, I've gotta choose one or the other especially if I ever hope... to get Catherine back." Hoo boy. This is probably our Beast and he's talking to his odd balding friend. We've got a love triangle and I'm inferring that the titular Beast is named Vincent. Kristin Kreuk is the aformentioned Catherine, as a swarthy but handsome gentleman informs us. At least I think he's swarthy. The show is very dimly-lit so far, by which I mean 60-80% of the field of vision is total blackness. Now there's another guy who's talking on the phone with Catherine about his thirst for vengeance for his son. She says it won't bring him back and he counters that the people who did this to him will "finally pay". He has decent hair. Now Catherine's talking with a gruff but intelligent prison inmate who is talking about a genetic predisposition for becoming Beasts, which I'm guessing should be capitalized as it is clearly A Thing in this show's universe. She says there is an orphanage where all of the kids have that gene, and now Sam's "trying to create another one". Who is Sam and why does he want to create another orphanage? Are those even a thing anymore? We then meet Xavier Wright, who is from the orphanage. He is being confronted by Mr Decent Hair, but the recap (and probably the previous ep) ends there. The episode proper opens to a quick-cut montage of a city at sunrise while generic light electro-pop moans on about years and drowning. A man is eating gummy worms and watching surveillance cameras that are running face recognition on the passers-by. The cuts are so quick that I don't recognize that it's Vincent the Beast, and he's looking for Sam, who is clearly our Big Bad. Odd Balding Friend establishes that it's 5AM and he's borrowing OBF's equipment to access the 'police surveillance system' and OBF doesn't want to get in trouble. Sam turns people into Beasts. Vincent can Sense people but he doesn't want to because he's trying to be less Beastly and wants to prove to Catherine that he can keep it under control so he can be with her. Makes sense. His sense is smell is clearly heightened as he asks OBF to make stronger coffee than what he already put in the machine. He locates Sam. Sam looks a lot like Mr Decent Hair. Vincent says "Gotcha!" and we cut to another dizzying city montage.  Cut to Catherine ordering another shot of espresso, because parallels y'all. Swarthy Guy is Gabe, and last night she was in his bed but was kept awake by Vincent. Dreams of Vincent, that is. She has a judgmental best friend to sneer at her nightmare in which she confronted and witnessed the accidental death of Vincent. She's shaken but determined to defy her father's insistence that she's "some kind of Beast hunter" by finding Sam. Judgy Best Friend is perplexed, because she doesn't know anything about Sam either. She wants to take care of Sam so she can focus on Gabe. I'm super loving confused about how the two could possibly be connected, but "less beast... equals less Vincent!" as she tells us and JBF. Vincent and OBF are on the streets, asking strangers if they've seen Sam. He was on that block 20 minutes ago, they're sure of it. Uhhhh 20 minutes is an awfully long time to get somewhere else even on foot in a crowded city, I'm pretty sure no one walking around was there then either. They took 20 minutes to get there because they had to print a bunch of copies of Sam's face to show to people. OBF's name is JT, and he's goading Vincent to unleash that Beastly goodness to Sense Sam and "catch Cat's bad guy for her". This dialogue, woof. "One little sniff isn't going to knock you off the Beast wagon, is it?" Oh JT, this is the start of Things Ending Badly and you're gonna get killed probably. So Vincent Senses Sam, who is indeed Mr Decent Hair and he's on the move. Vincent sets out and JT doesn't react or follow him. The scene ends. I can't emphasize enough how poorly-lit the photography is on this show, as all of the light is indirect sun with zero overhead lighting, even during interiors. Exteriors are always in shadow. Here's a daytime interior:  Gabe is looking at Sam on his laptop and there's a knock on the door. It's Cat and JBF is named Tess. He offers her breakfast, but she wants only Sam. Sam makes Beasts out of orphans and even Gabe knows that orphans are more likely to be Beastable. It's worth noting that what these people do for a living is a complete mystery and they live in palatial NYC suites. We get a hint that Gabe is either police or a lawyer because he says he needs to build a case in order to arrest Sam. Sam is good at covering his tracks because even though Gabe was "tranq'd and kidnapped" (Cat's words) and Sam tried to inject Gabe with the Beast serum he "knows I'd never say that in court." (Gabe's words) Sam stole Tony Barnes's identity to purchase property. Gabe works for the DA. These two have absolutely zero chemistry even as Cat is wrapping her arms around his neck. He makes an nakedly passive-aggressive comment about how nice it would be to be done with Beast which Cat calls "subtle" in exactly as many words. But she concedes that he has a point about her involvement with Vincent (whatever it is), and that "getting Sam... getting past Beasts... it'll help... us." Either they can't afford second takes on BatB or that was the best they got after an exhausting half hour of filming. He gives her a key to his place and she doesn't react, so he reassures her: "Relax. It's just a key. It's not a ring." JT calls Cat to inform her that Vincent has Sam. Gabe rolls his eyes. The picture is so dark that I can't even tell what Sam is being held in. Maybe a train car?  And Vincent's no help. No really, he's in the shot! So whatever struggle happened between our protagonist and our big bad has simply happened and Sam chuckles that he got cocky and let his guard down. I'm guessing this is like Dexter's kill table in that Vincent has taken many a baddie down here to interrogate them disinterestedly. Sam accuses Vincent of kidnapping him because "I'm being held here against my will, and that's kidnapping in the eyes of the law. I could sue you." He admits that what he knows about the law is what he uses to avoid prosecution until he can get revenge on the people that killed his son. Other than everyone telling me how bad he is that sounds pretty righteous. When TJ asks upon whom he seeeks revenge, he actually says "That's for me to know, and for you to find out." This is the shot when he's delivering that line:  I'm not even kidding. They cut from TJ, to that, then back to TJ. Did I mention that TJ's totally a Goon?  They inform Sam that they're taking him to jail. Sam calls their bluff because he knows Vincent isn't willing to publicly admit that he is a Beast, which for some reason would come up at arraignment. Again, the human/Beast politics have likely been established on this show so I don't know how much of this is earned, but it's enough to give Vincent pause. TJ cautions Vincent that Sam is merely goading him, but Sam is raising his voice ever higher about how Sam's a Beast who let Sam create his own Beasts. Vincent doesn't know what he's takling about and Sam reveals that while TJ was making the Beast serum it distracted Vincent which allowed Sam to get Tori's blood and Sam says Vincent's the reason that Tori was killed. (I'm guessing Tori was the dialogue coach for this show.) This is helpful for me as a new viewer but very clunky as exposition goes. Vincent's getting heated up and Sam's baiting him when TJ, that goofball idiot, says "Think of Cat." This gives TJ the upper hand and he has the same conversation with Vincent that TJ had earlier today, but this time sarcastically and this makes Vincent go into BEAST MODE  ...just in time for Cat and Gabe to show up. RUT ROHHHHHHHH  The title card is fairly underdesigned and reads as "The Beauty and Beast" to my eyes. I just realized that Sam is played by one of those actors who is frequently in comedic roles but isn't at all funny. I want to say he was in Dead Man on Campus? I'm probably wrong. Vincent: "I wasn't trying to hurt the guy, okay I-- I was just trying to find him-- TJ: "Which, by the way, we did." Gabe: "Yeah, but how?" Cat: "I think we all know how, Gabe." Gabe: "Look, I'm not standing in judgement, okay? I appreciate your efforts Vincent, I do, and God knows we all wanna bust Sam, but we can't do it by using..." Vincent: "Whuh? Were you going to say 'Beast Justice'?" Gabe: "Yeah, frankly." Sure, when doesn't one want to avoid employing Beast Justice? The lines are delivered as though the term is Vincent's word and Gabe won't use it in front of him but you just know the DA's office has a whole book of Beast Justice jokes they tell each other when Vincent's not around. Anyway good ol' BJ doesn't have a place in the legal system, and Vincent's vigilante tactics have Gabe and Cat steamed. TJ appeals to their sense of justice but Vincent sends him home. Gabe's going to try and get Sam to give him information and is also Mojinder from Heroes. In doing so he leaves Cat alone with Vincent in a display of trust since they're roommates now. Back to the holding cell/darkroom, Sam cottons to Gabe's plan, which he calls "The Al Capone approach" since they couldn't get him for murder but instead got him for wire fraud. "Tax evasion," Gabe corrects him. Gabe then lays out all of his cards on the table and promises Sam that if he takes a deal, he'll help him avenge his son's death. Vincent and Cat decide not to have a scene together and enter the room. Sam says if they don't let him go then more people are going to die because Sam's beast is chained up and hungry. Tess works for the police! She says Sam might be right but she's busy tracking the Muirfield orphans and there are 9 out of 26 that remain unlocated. Gabe orders Vincent to release Sam. Next scene is when we see Vincent slowly, reluctantly, begrudgingly lets Sam go as Sam cackles with delight and Vincent smolders with fury, right? NOPE. Xavier Wright from the recap is Sam's Beast, who is indeed chained up. Enter a newly freed Sam who apologizes for getting sidetracked. The train car was too poorly lit for me to ascertain that Beast Mode means putting in black contacts, so thanks to Xavier for clarifying that. He's thirsty. Sam tells him he's "in transition... from ordinary to extraordinary" but he makes it clear that the black guy in chains is his total subordinate. Hoo boy. His task will be to help get revenge for his son's death, but first he has to take out the person who's coming to save him. He opens a knife and says they're going to help Xavier be found. I get it, Beasts smell blood. Cut to a marina and a bunch of boats. Turns out Vincent lives on a houseboat and Gabe's let himself in and poured a few drinks. How's the lighting? Glad you asked!  Cat's not there and he's here to talk about her relationship with Vincent. Not the imminent danger they've just allowed to take shape, but Cat. We get a third helping in 15 minutes of Vincent's plan to win her back by being less Beasty. Vince asks how he would know what she thinks, and he replies "Because she's staying at my place now. Not yours." Which is pretty gross! Turns out Gabe used to be half-Beast just like Vince is currently, so he knows that it's a struggle that he can't win. Cat's the reason why he's no longer a Beast and he can promise her a future without Beasts, something Vince cannot do because he's still prone to "Beasting out". Gabe tells him to stay away for her sake and to quit being so selfish. Vince opens his mouth to react but says nothing and Gabe exits as kick-rear end rock drums start in. Vince is at a bar playing pool by himself (which is basically the saddest thing in the world, right?) when TJ shows up asking him where he's been. Vince gives him a full recap of the last 10 minutes of the show except for the Xavier/Sam part. He says they're right but he's being distant. TJ grabs his pool cue and says, "Talk to me." Vince laments that his attempt to "go... Beast Straight I guess" didn't work and never will. TJ tells him he should embrace both sides of himself equally. I can't tell if TJ's a good friend or a moron. The bar is, of course, dark.  TJ tells him to stop worrying about what Cat wants and to start doing what Vincent wants. So he tells him to be selfish because he wants to watch them gently caress or something. Seriously he's so goony. What Vince wants is to save Sam's next victim and TJ tells him to loving DO IT! Is TJ secretly aligned with Sam or something? Another jumpy city montage lands on a police precinct. Cat's walking through here with some agency so I'm inferring that she is police. Tess found Xavier because of course she did, and he's one of the orphans and they need to use "The Mastertracker" who of course is Vincent. Cat wants to do things by the book and without Vince, which Tess doesn't think is possible. Cat says Gabe says no. Street justice isn't justice, says Cat. Tess tries to make a joke about what separates man from beast that Cat doesn't react to. Cat goes off to find Xavier. Tess calls her a coward as she walks away. Tess is a bit of a shithead. We land on Sam's place, where Vincent has visions of what happened before. I guess the modern Beast gets to trade physical deformity for superpowers. Win-win, modern Beast. His superpower also magically makes the lighting briefly acceptable.  Vincent uses Beast Vision to follow Xavier through town. He almost gets hit by a car, and wouldn't you know it, Cat's driving. She says it would have been okay if she ran him over because he's interfering with official police business. I buy her as a cop even less than I do Sophia Bush on Chicago PD. They suspect Sam is watching so Cat insists that Vince gets in the car to continue interfering.  Dizzying bridge montage with reality show tension music. Cat and Vince are fleshing out everything the audience has already figured out for some reason. The cruiser is not equipped with any computer equipment or pesky dashboard lights to cast any glow on our charmless duo. Cat quickly deduces that this is all a trap while Vince sticks to his guns about saving Xavier. Vince: "Oh come on, why would Sam--"   SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER! The cruiser is t-boned by a semi, rolls and lands upside down. And wouldn't you know it, Xavier's driving the truck. His Beast Mode status is unclear until he checks in on Cat and Vince to bare his teeth and give a zombie-eyed growl. So he's supposed to kill them, knows they're alive and vulnerable, and he cheeses off to who-knows-where without slashing any throats because potential witnesses are approaching. Our heroes are uninjured and unshaken. It's physical comedy time as Cat and Vince seek to free themselves from their seatbelts. It's too dark to tell if anyone's bleeding. Cat puts a button on the segment by saying "Well that was fun." Then Cat's door won't open so they announce that they're trapped. Vince teases Beasting them the gently caress out of the car just in time for a pedestrian to inform them that the fire department is on the way. Instantly a fire truck appears because emergency response times in NYC are amazing. As the FD cuts them out of the car we're treated to even more slapstick as Cat can't reach her ringing phone so she begs Vincent to get it out of her pocket... her BACK pocket. Much groping and bickering occurs for the next 45 seconds, and Gabe's calling. He knows where Sam is, and that goober Vincent pipes up to ask for details. Gabe demands to know what's going on but Cat is distracted by Vince texting JT for more info. Gabe: "How close are you?" Cat: "Too close." Vince: "He means 'to Sam'." Cat: "Oh.  "Cat announces that they "require a Beast" so Vince hangs up on Gabe. After all of that waiting to avoid Beasting out, Vince decides to go Beast but trick a fireman into thinking he's the hero for busting the door open. The fireman is knocked back 30 feet and gets a round of applause from the gathered crowd. City montage lands on a business building. Xavier is getting instructions on how to proceed from Sam. Xavier heeds the warning about the room he's going to having no oxygen. Sam tells him to use his new skills and he'll be fine. So he bristles and a foley lion grunts, and he's good to walk through an open door to this airless environment. So it isn't sealed in any meaningful way. Also it's dark. He has to "start the upload as soon as you reach the server" so I guess we're back to Hackers-era tech. Sam finds a laptop someone left on a desk years ago, inserts a thumbdrive and the upload (download?) starts. It's all very confusing. Vincent and Cat arrive, and Vince knows he's gotta Beast up to get to Xavier. He's still thinking he needs to save Xavier, and despite her feeble protestations he sends her off to deal with Sam as he boards the elevator.In parallel sequences, Vincent uses his sleeve as a breathing apparatus after seeing that one is required for the sublevel he's on while Cat draws her gun on Sam and the old laptop whose progress bar has stalled on the download because the wifi took a poo poo. What is he downloading? Who knows. Vince approaches a terminal and spots the world's brightest flashing red LED. Cat tries to arrest Sam who reveals that, in the sublevels of the very building they are in, Xavier is wearing enough C4 to level the block. We watch Vincent remove the explosive vest with zero effort from the passed-out Xavier, and he carries him out of the sub-basement while Foley Lion burps. Cat won't lower her weapon and Sam doesn't care how many innocent people die for his revenge of his dead son so he sets off the worst fake explosion in television history.  Cat attacks him as the explosion courses up the elevator shaft. Cut to him cuffed to a pipe, and Cat tells him "Vincent's dead? You're dead." Sam is literally twice her size so I guess she's a good cop and also a cyborg. She runs off and it turns out she's a dumb as hell cop becaue she left Sam's briefcase within kicking distance. He opens it and produces a vial with... I want to say a microchip in it? I can't tell because it's so dark. He smugly grimaces, which is pretty good acting all things considered. Cat finds Vincent performing CPR on Xavier among the flaming wreckage. She smiles warmly because Kristin Kreuk doesn't have a whole lot of range and forgets that a person is literally dying in front of her and that she left Sam alone in a room, which on a better show would be treated as a ticking clock. Xavier springs to life and as he's catching his breath Cat embraces Vince, whining "You could've died!" into his shoulder. Gabe and Tess have arrived and are watching them from afar and judging the gently caress out of them while sharing a knowing glance. We enter the final act as Gabe and Cat are questioning Sam. So I guess the explosion didn't hurt anyone or cause any damage and everything's fine so let's move on. Sam is now facing federal charges of "domestic terrorism" (can't they just say "terrorism"?) per Gabe. He smugly reminds them that he has Vincent's Beastness as leverage. Gabe says that he has proof and Sam doesn't. He reminds Sam that he wanted to work with him and help find the people that "allegedly killed" his son. Sam can't stop grinning as they explain that he can't get access to "classified names" because they're "encrytped, NSA Level" and they have the thumb drive besides. Cat: "Does this amuse you?" Sam: "Yes, actually." He asks if Cat (who we just now established is A Detective) and Gabe believe in God, because he used to. He used to believe in a day of reckoning and justice, but now there is only revenge. They're trying to get out of him who killed his son, because he clearly knows. He tells them they can't understand his motivations because they don't have children. All Gabe knows is that Sam's going to jail, and tells someone off-screen (or on, it's too dark to tell) to book him. Gabe's giving Cat the silent treatment, as all mature adults do when they're upset. She apologizes. Gabe, a grown-rear end man, is mad because she hugged Vincent. With her arms, you guys. She's talking like she lapsed judgment and hosed him, which leads me to believe that hugs are very different for Beasts. Cat: "It's not like we secretly planned it, if that's what you're thinking." You are making yourself sound so suspicious and the truth is on your side, idiot! Gabe: "I guess I'm just tired of being the nice guy all the time." You've been a total shithead to everyone and are clearly deeply insecure about this relationship. The right move here is to sever, and Gabe proves it by giving her an ultimatum. Is she with him, or is she with Vincent. The words "right now" are deployed. Cat: "I'm with you." Gabe: "Then you need to tell Vincent that." Dear god please let this end soon. These adults are talking like grade schoolers. JT can do DNA analysis on the fly and determines that Xavier is 100% human, but they're not sure how. We learn that Gabe, too, "died as Beast and woke up a human". Vincent isn't buying it. JT: "Hey, don't look at me, I'm just making this crap up!" Fire their script supervisor/lead chimp immediately. JT tells Vincent that Xavier is alive because of both of his sides, both human and Beast, and not because he wanted to impress Cat. Uhhh didn't he tell Vincent to use his Beast Justice to catch Sam specifically for her? I'm getting a sense that JT is super jealous of the attention Vince gives Cat because dude is even more insecure than Gabe. Vince takes a few gummy worms for the road and leaves so JT can jerk off. It's a profoundly awkward scene. Cut to Sam heaving into a prison toilet. Guard: "Are ya sick or somethin'?" Sam: "No... *hurrrgh* I'm fine." The guard leaves because it's his first night and he's not sure how to approach this. I can't see anything because the grates on the cell door are impenetrable and, of course, it's dark as gently caress. Finally in the money shot we see that Sam has successfully regurgitated...  ...whatever the gently caress that is. I poo poo you not that is the actual reveal. Is it a pill? A lockpick? An explosive? I haven't a clue so of course we cut to Vincent on the houseboat microwaving a TV dinner (is this symbolism?) and Cat's dropped by unannounced because They Have To Talk. Cat: "This is really hard for me, but now that Sam's in jail, things have to change between us. I'm with Gabe now." Vince knows. She goes on. He understands. She doesn't think Vince can't make her happy, but Vince says they've both made mistakes but Gabe is a good guy. She agrees. He approaches her personal space and wishes her good luck. Then they make out like teenagers and he carries her off for a Beastly loving. Roll credits. I expected nothing and received nothing in return. This was as schlocky as a Lifetime movie with no discernable narrative structure. I watched it once to pick apart and then a second time to see how cohesive it was while I edited my notes down. It doesn't resolve anything beyond saving Xavier. There are no fight sequences and all of the action happens off-camera. The only visually interesting things are all represented here in .gif form. There isn't any beefcake on display, though I guess Sendhil Ramamurthy is a handsome dude. I expected more shirtless buff dudes from The CW so points to them for disappointing me. A quick trip to Wikipedia tells me everything the show didn't and I won't run it down here but it is so much more ridiculous than I thought. I also learned that this just aired a few months ago and only one ep has aired since, and the storylines have yet to be resolved. Also, Wikipedia posted:Meanwhile, Cat is telling Tess that although the sex was very great, it was a break up sex. Will I be watching the rest of the series? Oh no. God no. Is it the worst thing I've ever seen? Nah but it was top-to-bottom terrible. This is television for confused teenagers, and the line readings are truly awful. Ramamurthy is the best part of the show but his character is a turkey. Tom Everett Scott (who indeed was in Dead Man on Campus!) makes a real meal out of his role but it's not very compelling. Everything is very shallow and vague and nobody has any chemistry with one another. And I have never strained my eyes as hard as this show made me. Final Grade: D I'm ready for more. I hope the next review won't be as long because good lord. SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 08:44 on May 16, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 22:41
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:
Neat. I'll recommend a half hour show, so it should be half this long: Power Rangers Turbo episode 22: Trouble by the Slice.
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May 15, 2014 22:44
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Senerio posted:Neat. I'll recommend a half hour show, so it should be half this long: Power Rangers Turbo episode 22: Trouble by the Slice. I watched a lot of Power Rangers as a kid so I have to pass on that one. VVV Huh? VVV SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 23:06 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 22:54
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:I watched a lot of Power Rangers as a kid so I have to pass on that one. Baseball Episode 2
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May 15, 2014 23:03
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You know what, this sounds like something approximating fun. I'm in. Stuff I've Watched: HIMYM, Scrubs, Arrow, Warehouse 13, some other genre shows. I want something weird.
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May 15, 2014 23:18
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Tsilkani posted:I want something weird. Sonic Underground Episode 8.
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May 15, 2014 23:23
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:
episode 2
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May 15, 2014 23:25
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Senerio posted:Sonic Underground Episode 8. Well, that certainly is weird.  Challenge accepted!
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May 15, 2014 23:28
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This thread is great, bring it. I'm familiar with the usual goon stuff and British comedy: Hannibal, Game of Thrones, Community, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Father Ted, Orphan Black, House, Misfits, Parks and Rec, Seinfeld, Breaking Bad. Much obliged for whatever the weird poo poo fairy brings. 
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May 16, 2014 00:32
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So, even though I said I have access to just Netflix and HBOGo and whatever DirecTV has on demand, I was assigned Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Season 1, Episode 24. Thanks a lot. I was barely able to find it, but I did find it, eventually. I did a sort of running commentary while I was watching the episode, so, enjoy: hollylolly, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, 1.24: Teens From a Mall  Teens From a Mall The beginning sequence introduces us to what I imagine are our main four characters and their individual quirks. This is episode 24, so it's probably old hat to anyone watching through the whole season, but I don't know anything about this very, VERY '90s tv show. One guy is a slacker who wants to own a business maybe, one is an overachiever who loves colorblock sweaters, another is a nerd, and the last is the meathead who secretly loves dance. I have no idea who Parker Lewis is yet. Our characters decide the best place to pursue their dreams is at the mall, like many of their peers in the Nineties. This includes a visit to Dog on a Stick. A blond guy, I assume he may be Parker as he is doing the voice over proclaims that he'd feel like he was just a kid if he didn't have a job at the video store. Nerd guy looks dejected - apparently he doesn't have a job. What a little kid! Also, every girl wants to look like Madonna! Except for the original girls who are awesome, and come with their own special soundtracks. Parker is smitten - but she walks right past. Nerd guy is confused by Parker's human emotion and wanders off while Parker stalks, I mean, follows the girl. "You go to the mall in search of something you aren't sure of. In fact, you may not even know you were looking for it. Like yesterday - I found the girl of my dreams." Parker is wandering the halls of school the next day, monologuing about the wonders of the mall, while a younger girl with long dark hair is reading a book about ...vampires... and getting suspicious that someone at the school IS A VAMPIRE because he is avoiding sunlight and wears all black. I have no idea what this is about. Some bossy teacher is being apprehended by a cross-eyed guy from the credit bureau, is caught with a million pairs of shoes, and segues immediately into a therapy session. What?? He wants her to go to the mall once a week and buy only one item, to learn control. She hits on him, creepily. In the 90s the mall is the answer to everything, apparently. Now we're in a mall security office, where an APB on a shoplifter is going out. OH NO the sketch looks just like PARKER LEWIS DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Back at the mall the next day the guy who works at Dog on the Stick takes off his hat and I finally recognize him as the slacker in leather from the intro. He's about to quit his job because he isn't getting ahead in the company, but Parker gives him a rousing pep talk, complete with transparent overlays of intensely patriotic imagery. The pep talk is working - but Parker catches sight of his dream girl and runs off. A security guard sees him! Oh no! Meathead grabs Parker by the neck, then Nerd is working at the toy store but makes a bunch of kids' ears smoke while trying to explain how an etch a sketch works. He gets fired! Hilarious! Meathead is telling Parker all his problems, but Dream Girl appears and Parker squirms out of Meathead's grasp in a desperate bid for freedom and the liberty to stalk whomever he wants. He's almost within reach of her, but he get's nabbed by the security guard, and then inexplicably released. Little girl is being terrorized by her vampire imaginings while the "vampire" is at the mall with the shopaholic teacher. I really don't care about this storyline at all. Actually I dont care about any of it except the poor nerd, Jerry, is imagining he got a job at the video store. Since he didn't, he's sitting on a bench all dejected. Slacker get's fired? Maybe? He joins Jerry on the bench. Parker runs into Dream Girl by accident, and she gives him a speech about destiny......and it's just a dream as well. Wha!? Everyone is upset. The mall has not fixed ANYTHING. Even dumb Meathead is sad and I have no idea why, but he breaks the bench when he sits on it with everyone else. The Next Day at the Mall they are again sure they will find their dreams! But who cares about that! Overspending Teacher is inappropriately hitting on her therapist again. Slacker is still working at Dog on the Stick and has an idea to revitalize his business and keep his job, but his food inventions are all disgusting. Parker is being surveilled by the security officers from all directions, while trying to find the girl. He decides to get out of there, and runs into Dream Girl in the elevator! Is it just a fantasy again? He proclaims she isn't real, then she kisses him? Is this how life really was in the '90s? She knows his name, too! But Parker is attacked by this creepy, over zealous security guard again. It seems his destiny is to be thwarted at every turn. Teacher is shopping with Vampire and Therapist....and in her bid to buy ONE THING she wins a ten thousand dollar shopping spree and faints. So, dreams really do come true, I guess. Meathead is explaining oven tempered steel, gets a kiss, then jumps for joy, breaking things, because he's big, you see. Jerry gets a job at the information desk because he knows everything at the mall. Parker decides to stay at the mall, risking Darth Security Guard, and the Security Guard and Sarah the Dream Girl walk past him to apprehend the real shoplifter who looks like Parker. Dream Girl is an undercover security agent! She was only running into Parker to keep an eye on him! GASP! But she really meant the kiss...but he can't see her again... but he should live for the moment and spend the day with her. The whole episode is about dreams, and Parker realizes his true dreams are all about girls. Moral of the Story: The Mall Will Help You Find Your Dream Job/Girl/Corn Dog Combination. Was this the worst thing I've ever watched? No. It is, however, the most 90s thing I've ever watched. The wardrobe of our characters enthralled and appalled me at the same time. I would have cut the teacher out of it completely, she had no relation to the rest of the (very thin) plot. Maybe she wasn't even a teacher! She was hanging out with the goth kid a lot, so maybe she was just that kid's mom and that's why she was at the school. Or, maybe both. I cannot in good conscience recommend this show to anyone at all. I give it 2 Dogs on a Stick out of 5. p.s. The actor who plays Parker is Corin Nemec who played Jonas Quinn on Stargate SG1, a much better show, and the reason why he looked familiar the whole time I was watching this hollylolly fucked around with this message at 03:41 on May 16, 2014 |
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May 16, 2014 00:38
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Saint Drogo posted:This thread is great, bring it. Let's try this again: Power Rangers Turbo episode 22: Trouble by the Slice.
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May 16, 2014 00:50
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I'm going to be hitting Vikings in just a few minutes, HOPEFULLY "The Constant" after that.
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May 16, 2014 01:27
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Saint Drogo, Power Rangers Turbo episode 22: Trouble by the Slice Should help pass a sleepless night. e: what? Saint Drogo fucked around with this message at 02:46 on May 16, 2014 |
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May 16, 2014 02:16
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VIKINGS #1.5, "Raid" You know, with all the good, detailed, funny reviews I'm seeing here I feel ashamed, because I have so little to say about this. It's GOOD, to be sure. Certainly worth watching, gives me a good sense of what people are talking about when they say it's a surprisingly cool show. Our hero is Ragnar, who I called "Mullet" in my notes, and who I thought was actually the villain for about three minutes based off the Previouslies and the general look of the character. (Typing that out made me wonder if I was actually 62 years old.) But no. He's our hero, but apparently he did something to piss off the king (?) of the Vikings, Haraldson (Gabriel Byrne). In this episode, Haraldson pays Ragnar back by visiting his village and burning it to the ground. His wife, children, and slave escape without a scratch thanks to his quick thinking, but he's gravely wounded and only gets out thanks to some sick reflexes and sheer luck. The rest of the episode concerns Ragnar and his family going into hiding while he licks his wounds, while Haraldson marries off his daughter. It culminates with a still recovering Ragnar asking his friend to challenge Haraldson to a one on one fight on his behalf. And again, it's really good. The actual raid was nasty, brutal, well-done. Haraldson isn't some one-note villain; I liked how he expressed an interesting, somewhat sympathetic defense of his daughter's arranged marriage. The acting is fantastic, and there are some surprising notes of humor to be found. This doesn't feel at all like the cheesy show I assumed it would be, given its place on The History Channel. But man alive, without the context of the previous episodes this was a chore to try and piece together, and...that's all I can say. Plot details, the finer points of each character? In one ear, out the other. This show will not suffer anyone who jumps into it midway. Then again, bear in mind that I have very little interest in the setting, and it was probably going to have to work twice as hard to be half as effective for me. Still, now I'm REALLY worried on how I'm going to react to The Constant.
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May 16, 2014 02:50
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Someone still needs to assign me something. Something really weird. It can even be an anime! I have no fear!
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May 16, 2014 03:16
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precision posted:Someone still needs to assign me something. Something really weird. It can even be an anime! I have no fear! Stealing one from DivisionPost, you're free to reject it: Black Lagoon Episode 1 & 2
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May 16, 2014 03:18
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So! Animorphs S01E11, The Reaction! First of all, next time I'm gonna add the "this show must be accessible thru Netflix" rule, because gently caress. Anyway, I know poo poo-all about it, so let's just have a quick glance at its Wikipedia page: Wikipedia posted:Animorphs (also known under the promotional title AniTV and the working title The Changelings) is a 26-episode television adaptation made by Nickelodeon of the Scholastic book series of the same name Well, that was not helpful at all (although The Changeling is a cool 80's horror movie and a cool name). But it's based on a book series, you say? Let's try this Wikipedia fellow again: Wikipedia AGAIN posted:Animorphs is an English language science fiction series of young adult books written by K. A. Applegate and published by Scholastic.[2] It is told in first person, with all 6 main characters taking turns narrating the books through their own perspectives. Horror, war, dehumanization, sanity, morality, innocence, leadership, freedom, and growing up are the core motifs of the series. Oh. drat. 90s children shows were pretty deep and dark, huh? Actually, there might be a chance I've watched this series previously if it was a Nickelodeon series from that era, but I can't recall it at all. It probably didn't air in Brazil, or I just barely missed it - I'm more of an early 00's kid. Anyway, let's watch this poo poo, shall we? Don't expect fancy screenshots for this because I'm lazy. It's also live-ish commentary, so don't expect too much of a critique until I'm done with it. --- The episode starts with a quick monologue about morphing rules. You can't stay in a morph for more than two hours, and you can't morph from one animal to another. A dude called Tobias tried it and got hosed. I'm sure those won't come into play in the next 23min. Regardless, apparently three kids are checking out a zoo and complaining that the crocodiles are too lazy to entertain them. Well, gently caress you three, they're enslaved animals, you spoiled little assholes. I already hate you. They go check the tigers but the black girl (I'm sorry, I don't know their names, it's not racist if I don't know their names) sees this little kid walking into the crocodile pond and thinks "the hell I better save him". Blonde girl follows shortly thereafter, but the kid is mesmerized and they get surrounded. YOU'RE FUCKIN' BRILLIANT, WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN. Cut to intro. NO TURNING BACK NO BACKING DOWN. Holy poo poo, what. Giant ear, aliens, magical square. This makes perfect sense, really. And I get to see the five main characters (I assume) for the first time. Punchable blonde kid, requisite token Latino, the black girl from the intro (who's also Latina at least in real life), blonde girl and another punchable black-haired prick. Amazing ensemble. The song is the cheesiest thing ever and the intro is SO BAD. God. Cut back to the episode. Black girl has the amazing plan to GRAB A CROCODILE BY THE TAIL TO BUY HER FRIENDS TIME TO ESCAPE okay nevermind she's awesome now. What a fantastic strategy, and it actually works and the three of them get out unscathed. She must be related to Steve Irwin. Then we get a bald dude watching TV wondering what humans find so fascinating about television. Don't worry, I don't get it either. I'll assume he - and his pal - are aliens from the same place as that giant ear and the Animorphs. They're obssessing over this blonde jock guy on TV. Meanwhile, awesome black girl has an unspecified allergy which will not show up as part of the episode's plot again nope no and they get a phone call in a barn (yeah) inviting them to a talk show because they saved that kid. That's...pretty quick journalism for the pre-Internet era. Blonde girl has an weird accent that I'll blame on her Canadian-ness, black girl is all scaly but pretends everything is fine. Right after that, they meet the punchable blond guy and the token Latino (called Marco, thanks for the namedrop black girl I still don't know the name of). The blonde dude is a real prick as I assumed, calling out Cassie (yeah, now I don't need to call her black girl anymore!) for helping out the kid without thinking about the consequences. And Marco offers him nachos. Awesome. The girls figure out the jock that bald dude was obssessing over will be on the talk-show and they freak out because they're teenagers. After a terrible pick-up line, the punchable blond dude calls out to attention that Jason McCole, the famous hot jock movie star, is talking about the benefits of an organization called The Sharing - probably related to the bald guy. They infect you with a slimy gross slug. Definitely aliens. So now they need to stop the famous dude from promoting ingesting parasites, while Cassie freaks out about her scaly-arm popping out at terrible moments. So she leaves the group to read about crocodiles and gets stuck in a conversation with someone's older brother while she uncontrollably transforms and tries to hide her new appendages. It's probably a metaphor for having a boner when you're in high school! Also, I learned the blonde girl is called Rachel, which will come in handy. Quick interlude: this show definitely follows the "high-schoolers that are 25+" rule that so many TV shows from the 90s have. No way Marco is younger than 20. No way. They go back to the barn to strategize and Cassie starts to freak out again. Girl's not a fantastic actress, I have to say. The nerdy black-haired dude explains the situation: she's allergic to a morph. Also, you acquire morphs from touching an animal. But she's gonna be fine. She's gonna burp out a crocodile and get rid of it - in either two hours or two weeks, no one can tell. And since she has to do the TV show now...it's a plot hook! Cassie lies about having burped a crocodile, which is not something I'd lie about, and heads to the talk-show. Unsurprisingly, the jock actor is a massive dick. Plus, Marco and one of the other dudes are cockroaches now. Nice disguise for spying and the only time they used the Animorph powers for something so far. Predictably, Cassie starts feeling like poo poo and has to go burp a crocodile. A metaphor for teenage drinking. This show is full of metaphors. The burped crocodile runs rampant and terrorizes the set, and Jason does the WORST fainting ever. No, seriously. It's awful. But it makes him throw up the controller slime, which is eaten by the croc. All ALL IS FINE. For the epilogue, Cassie apologizes for hiding the fact she didn't burp a crocodile, blond dude is a condescending prick ("everyone makes mistakes ehhhh), leading Marco to say he's never wrong and having to flee from flying cafeteria food afterwards while Cassie has a Grey's Anatomy monologue about how lying is bad. The end. ---- So, an actual (albeit quick) analysis of this episode of Animorphs. I grew up watching Goosebumps and Ghostwriter and Black Hole High, so weird live-action shows from the 90s are something I have some nostalgia for. I can't say it has good production values - it's cheaply-shot, the transforming effect is super-dated and the sets are pretty bad - the high school in special. The acting isn't stellar either, which won't come as a surprise to anyone. The brunt of the plot fell on Cassie's shoulders, and while I called out the actress for being bad while I was watching it, I might've been a bit harsh on her - except for the transformation scene, she did a decent job. Blond dude (Jake?) was a lot worse, that's for sure. The pacing was bizarre too. The big plotline - Cassie burping out a crocodile and facing off against the mind-controlled jock - was relegated to the last five minutes. I looked at the time and couldn't believe they'd wrap it up that quick. And still, I can't tell how they filled those other 18min, since nothing of note really happened. Even as someone that didn't know the mythos of Animorphs, it felt like a filler episode. A couple of things went unexplained, like the little kid that jumped into the crocodile pond. Why did he do it? Was he being mind-controlled? Does he show up again? I have no idea, and I'll never know. I also expected more animal powers than I got - Cassie becoming a crocodile and cockroaches were all I got, and it feels a bit disappointing, to be fair. But it wasn't an unbearable watching experience for me, really, even if I'd never watched it before. I went in expecting a dumb late 90s young-teen show and I got it - it's cheap, the plot is simplistic, the writing is basic, the acting is bad and the effects are poo poo, but I can't hate it. It reminded me of the massive crush I had on the Vietnamese girl on Ghostwriter when I was 9, for one, or being quite scared of Goosebumps' monsters as a wee babby. It doesn't hold up, for sure, but it brought up some nice memories from a time where I was an awkward nerdy kid that spent way too much time watching TV instead of an awkward nerdy twenty-something that spends way too much time watching TV. And I'm fine with that. (I'm sorry for the poo poo writing, I'm typing on someone else's PC after a 12-hour shift. Gimme something from Netflix and I might try my hand at an actual review. Some extra info: last things I watched that weren't series were The Genius and Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Do what you'll please with that.)
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May 16, 2014 04:05
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Senerio posted:Power Rangers Super Megaforce episode 6: Spirit of the Tiger What is it with you and the Power Rangers? Power Rangers Super Megaforce episode 6: Spirit of the Tiger The episode opens with a brief introduction: "An alien armada has arrived and invaded our planet. Wave after wave have attacked us with a ferocity never seen before."   Its been 20 years since I've seen an episode of Power Rangers and all I remember about the show was how cheesy it was. Sassy robots, rubber monsters, California teens wearing fluorescent colors and so on. But this.. this is something different. Just look at those pictures! This isn't some cheesy show about teenagers with attitudes, this is a deathly serious Ranger show with real stakes and  Our heroes. Pictured from left to right: Off-white white ranger, non-threatening black ranger, Asian girl ranger, pure white white ranger and pretty girl ranger. Nevermind. After the introduction, we cut to the Power Rangers enjoying a nice day at the zoo. Despite being in the midst of an alien invasion of unprecedented ferocity, nothing seems to be amiss. Its just a normal sunny day in SoCal, with everybody going about their business as if alien invaders aren't setting fire to major metropolitan areas on a daily basis. Anyway, the rangers spend a few minutes gushing over a giraffe before hearing a commotion a few yards away and rushing over to see what's going on. It turns out there's some dude raking leaves in the tiger cage with a tiger standing like five feet away. Nobody really gives a poo poo, though, and the Rangers run off to get way too excited about Zebras for people in their mid-20s. The non-threatening black ranger and the pretty girl ranger swap some animal facts they read in Zoobooks which the Asian girl ranger doesn't hear because she's too busy using the telephoto lens on her camera to stalk the dude from the tiger cage. The pretty girl ranger grabs the camera from the Asian girl ranger, looks at the photos and casually tells the home viewer to pay the gently caress attention to the logo on tiger dude's jacket. We cut to the alien armada in orbit around earth. There are four bad guys in this scene, each one of them a rubber monster. You can tell this segment was filmed in Japan because their hand gestures are loving ridiculous. Anyway, one rubber monster introduces another rubber monster to a third rubber monster. The lady monster gushes about the new monster, who is apparently this week's villain. We return to earth where the off-white white ranger and the Asian girl ranger spot tiger dude teaching kung-fu in the park. Asian girl ranger runs up and starts creeping all over tiger dude and for good reason--tiger dude is sexy as hell. Tiger dude explains that he doesn't just teach kung-fu, but teaches people to fight like animals, using their "claws, speed and explosive moves to defend themselves."  Before Asian girl ranger can get tiger dude's number, her ranger beeper goes off and she and off-white white ranger run off. The rubber monster from earlier finally landed and is attacking downtown. He destroys a 30 story office building with one blow, killing thousands and leaving hundreds more buried alive. The rangers arrive soon after, already in costume. Apparently, though, its the wrong costume (why??), so they transform into their Pirate-themed costumes. Why they didn't just start out in their pirate outfits is anybody's guess. Its also worth mentioning right now that the different transformations are not colored coordinated. Going from normal to pirate, for example, the black ranger becomes the green ranger. This only gets more confusing when they do their third and fourth transformations. You will seriously need a loving excel spreadsheet to figure out which ranger is which by the end of the episode. That said, their pirate costumes are, without a doubt, the snazziest of the bunch. I daresay they're almost cool. Anyway, despite the awesomeness of their pirate costumes, the bad guy outsmarts the rangers and steals their weapons with magnets. He then proceeds to kick their asses until the red ranger tells the rangers to transform into their legendary costumes (again, why not start out with the legendary costumes??). This apparently does the trick because after getting hit a few times, the bad guy turns tail and runs.  With the fight over, the rangers ignore the moans of those unfortunate souls trapped under the rubble of the downed office building and head to the park for a quick performance review. The pure white ranger starts spewing some samurai poo poo about a ranger never letting go of his weapons. Off-white white ranger takes this to heart and decides he needs to fight without weapons. So he and Asian girl ranger decide to hunt down tiger dude to learn how to explode like an animal. Tiger dude is, of course, in the tiger cage raking. Raking leaves. In the tiger cage. Leaves. LEAVES. He is raking leaves in the TIGER CAGE. With a tiger. Just think about that for a moment. Off-white white ranger and Asian girl ranger ask him if he can train them to explode like animals and he tells them to grab a nearby bucket and join him in the tiger cage. Fortunately the tiger cage isn't locked, so they just waltz right in and hand the dude his bucket. He tells them the tiger knows they're in the cage but that its okay because it already ate. He then tells them he'll train them tomorrow because apparently there's no immediately need to stop a monster that's destroying high-rises downtown. The next morning, sexy, sexy tiger dude teaches off-white white ranger snake stance and Asian girl ranger phoenix stance. Asian girl ranger thanks the tiger dude with the single stupidest line of dialogue ever written:  "You've taught us that, like tigers, bare hands can be as mighty as any weapon out there." Off-white white ranger does his best not to laugh in her face. So what have the other rangers been doing while off-white white ranger and Asian girl ranger have been getting this critical training? Not a whole lot apparently. Non-threatening black ranger spent all night looking up weapons they could use against the rubber monster and the pure white ranger is like "I told you a ranger doesn't let go of his weapon. Next time we just won't let go. That's all there is to it." Well, poo poo, no wonder he's not tiger training. Beating the monster is a simple as holding on tighter next time.* Pure white ranger leaves and pretty girl ranger notices something on non-threatening black ranger's computer--tiger dude's jacket logo! It turns out tiger dude is actually a former ranger from some kind of animal themed ranger group. *spoilers: it actually is These revelations are cut short when the rubber monster returns and kills several thousand more people by destroying yet another high rise with a single punch. This is the first and only time we get to see the good guys' base this episode. The only thing worth noting is how this season's gay robot sidekick bears a striking resemblance to Wall-E.  Anyway, the rangers catch up to the rubber monster and of course they're in the wrong costumes. So after a quick change (which is triggered by shoving action figures of themselves into giant plastic cell phones), the fighting begins. The rubber monster almost immediately uses his magnet trick again and the rangers respond by holding on tight. Their strategy works flawlessly.  Of course, this being a power rangers show and all, the characters can't do the smart thing because then fights would only last like 30 seconds. So the rangers immediately discard their weapons for no loving reason and start fighting the rubber monster hand-to-hand. It proceeds to kick their asses. Something something jungle fury and the rangers transform into their new animal costumes that look suspiciously like hockey uniforms. Asian girl ranger and off-white white ranger flashback to their tiger dude training and use the powers of snake and phoenix to punch the rubber monster really hard in the chest. They then turn back into pirates and shoot him with guns. The rubber monster dies, but not really because the episode isn't over until the big robot fight. The head bad guy makes the rubber monster big, the power rangers hop into their pirate themed megazord and they duke it out over the city.  The rangers defeat the rubber monster, causing it to loving explode and take out a city block, killing tens of thousands of people.  But who cares about mass casualties? When next we see them, the rangers are back at the zoo looking for tiger dude, but he's nowhere to be found. It turns out he was never there in the first place or something. The pure white ranger gives a speech about believing in yourself and they're all proud of themselves for a job well done. Letter Grade: C Well, that was certainly an episode of Power Rangers. The show hasn't changed at all in the last 20 years. Its not bad, per se, but I can't imagine anyone over the age of 12 enjoying it. Its literally a dumb action show for kids, and not a particularly good one at that. In short, gently caress you for requesting it. Irish Joe fucked around with this message at 04:58 on May 16, 2014 |
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May 16, 2014 04:46
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Power Rangers Turbo episode 22: Trouble by the Slice We start out in Breaking Bad country with our villains, who are three dudes in awful fat costumes and what looks like your standard dominatrixy villainess type, who is apparently DIVATOX and acts a bit drag queen-y. I had her pegged as evil lieutenant material at best but nope, credits say she's the main antagonist. They're testing out a teleporting ray gun thing on their minions, who are sort of steampunk gargoyles who I love.  Seriously, the pound shop disposable henchmen look much cooler than the real villains. There's some unfunny clowning, Divatox zaps one of the gargoyles with eye beams and turns it into a pony and everyone acts like that's just a thing that happens. A minute and a half in and I'm totally lost but I already respect the show's commitment to absurdity. Divatox manages to shoot herself with the teleporter gun and lands in a town somewhere, lost and amnesiac. Good villaining. Credits roll and I pity the parents who had to calm their kids down after watching this intro, because even as an ostensibly grown man I felt like jumping up and doing pretend karate. It's thirty seconds of having your brain whipped with Astro Belts. Now we're with a couple of 90s kids with girly hair so distracting it took me a minute to realise one is also a clear foot and a half taller than the other. What's up with that? They talk kid bullshit and run into some other kids the little guy's age, who invite them to play football. The little guy is reluctant and it's a decent bit of characterization, he's obviously more used to hanging out with 22 year old models than his peers. Tall ranger drags him in. Cut to a pizza parlour, where there's some more painful comedy with the fat guy from the opening credits and a dude with a fake moustache. Divatox walks in, stuffs her face with pizza and when she can't pay, moustache man throws her an apron and tells her to work the debt off, which seems legit. Cut to...a loving submarine? What? Where our villains are wondering where their dark mistress has gone for all of thirty seconds before saying gently caress it, let's order pizza. I like their style. There's a brief scene of the two rangers playing football and the big guy owning the poo poo out of all the kids half his age. What a git. And that quickly we're back with the fat and skinny pizza delivery duo providing the least necessary goofy comic relief in TV history given that the show is pure farce already. The credits told me they're called Bulk and Skull (?) but I don't get why they're even in the credits. Nothing they do intersects with the main story and they don't seem to know our heroes, so who are these melonfuckers? They even get their own leitmotif! The next few minutes are pure faffing. The villains discover Divatox and decide to make a monster to distract the two rangers while they rescue her. Handily, the pizza place's mascot is already a horrifying commedia dell'arte serial rapist named Mad Mike, so fishbowl man just zaps him to life.  Mad Mike teleports down and starts terrorizing civillians with exploding pizzas, which is fantastic, and...we're in a loving spaceship now? There's a robot butler and a giant woman who lives in a tube but I'm not going to dwell on that because the show doesn't. Instead there's all of 30 seconds of the actors who play the rangers before they  SHIFT INTO TURBO and little guy gets an extra two feet of height from wherever Pink and Yellow's tits went. The Power Rangers and Mad Mike exchange puns, some of which, I must concede, make sense, and a really long fight scene starts, the highlight of which is the Rangers calling in their space cars just for Mike to take control of them by throwing pizzas on the wheels. Learn to fight fair, assholes. Divatox traps the rangers in A COLOSSAL COOKER which she can do now, and Mad Mike starts to bake them into a giant pizza. It's balls out ridiculous and actually a bit scary in a surreal way, I loving love it. Then a goddamned robot walks in. Like, from his dialogue and double-take, it honestly seems like he's wandering in by accident. Fair play to him, instead of hightailing it right back out Abe Simpson style he says, I poo poo you not: "Smells like trouble. The source seems to be this very large oven. I shall investigate."I have a new favourite character. The oven door opens and oh my life.  There's more fighting. I gloss over these because they're boring to recap but I want to do them justice and the fight scenes in this episode are genuinely entertaining, with random explosions and undisguised Japanese stock footage galore. It's pure loving silliness at its best and never goes on long enough to outstay its welcome without some new piece of weirdness. In this case, the weirdness is Divatox launching torpedos from her submarine to make Mad Mike grow to Godzilla size. Robot guy fights back with MORE STOCK FOOTAGE  calling his robot cop car, which then turns into a bigger robot guy and they punch each other a bit. Robot guy is getting the worst of it until the Rangers join in in their giant robot. I like that robot guy's giant robot gets the full stock footage transformation sequence but the rangers just come out of nowhere in one. Like, of course they have a giant robot, that's a given, apparently. Mike gets blown up and dies. Goodnight sweet prince. The robots bro-fist, which is awesome. Final scene is not of our heroes, who have barely been in the bloody thing at all if you don't count Japanese stuntmen, but the villains again, goofing off in their lovely submarine. There's one decent joke at last and just like that, it's over. One thing I kept noticing about Power Rangers Turbo is that the villains are the underdogs to a ridiculous degree. It's probably a side effect of all the toys this series was trying to sell, but seriously, the heroes have numbers, strength and resources over them and live on a badass space station while the villains can barely walk straight in their awful costumes and live in a poxy little submarine in a lake. I don't know if it's a criticism or what, it just seems like a weird way to tell a story, even one for kids. It's pretty funny in places - the jokey dialogue is fuckawful with the exception of robot guy's deadpan reactions, but the comedy inherent in the campy action sequences works pretty well. I don't have an overall rating for Power Rangers Turbo: Trouble by the Slice because what am I even comparing it to? I'm not sorry I watched it.
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May 16, 2014 14:13
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Oh right, Irish Joe and Saint Drogo's posts reminded me. I have an episode of Power Rangers to watch as well! An episode called Forever Red, from Power Rangers Wild Force. I'm old enough to remember the heady days of the mid-90's when Power Rangers was an honest to god phenomenon. I loved the hell out of it, but I've not seen anything related in over 15 years. Let's dive in, shall we? We begin on the moon with some guys digging at... something. The people in charge also look remarkably like the Big Bad Beetleborgs. That was another sentai show Americanized back in the day so maybe they just swiped one of the costumes. Anyway, the Beetleborgs are digging up something that belonged to Lord Zedd. Hey, I remember that guy! What a villain that guy was! Some dude in a Jedi robe is spying on them... and he can breathe on the moon. I won't yell too much about that because this is a show for kids but it's a little silly. The Beetleborgs spot him and chase after him on HORSEBACK but he morphs and flies away on some rocket jets. Then we see BULK AND SKULL? These guys are STILL AROUND? They get a phone call for some guy and seem nervous about telling him about it. Gosh, I know this man is on vacation, but it's a very important phone call! Meanwhile, the current Power Rangers are approached by some dude named Carter Grayson. Lightspeed... Rescue? Another Red Power Ranger? Well, he takes the current Red Ranger named Cole to some spaceport to meet some more Red Rangers. And then a Turbo Red Ranger. And then that space Jedi from before, a guy named Andros. And then TOMMY OLIVER SHOWS UP. AND THEN GODDAMN JASON, THE O.G. RED RANGER, SHOWS UP. I THINK I KNOW WHY THIS poo poo IS CALLED FOREVER RED NOW. There are so many Red Rangers you guys, my nostalgia's being tickled so hard. Andros has a sweet-rear end spaceship and all the Red Rangers get on it and fly to space. So the Beetleborgs turn out to be generals of some "Machine Empire" that tried to invade Earth in an older Power Rangers show I guess. The Machine Empire got beaten by the Power Rangers but now the generals are on the moon, digging up Lord Zedd's super-Zord, Serpentera. I remember that thing too! It was bad news! Our Red Ranger squad storms into the bad guy's base and we get ourselves a classic Power Ranger unmorphed fight scene. There's punching and kicking and even laser guns, for god's sakes! While they're all busy fighting generic mooks or neo-putties or whatever the hell, the Beetleborgs decide to shag this and go ride around in their newly-excavated Serpentera to go blow up Earth for fun and profit... but the Rangers ain't havin' that poo poo! They ALL MORPH. All the morphing time. Every morphing sequence these guys have plays out, and hell! Even some new Red Rangers show up! That's ten! Ten goddamned Red Rangers ready to mess up the Beetleborgs... and my god, do they mess them up. Every kick and slash sends sparks flying, the Beetleborgs go soaring through the air, the Rangers have crazy hover kicks... man oh man, if I were 20 years younger this would blow my drat mind. It's kind of blowing my drat mind as a grown man. The last Beetleborg standing manages to dart himself into Serpentera, and fly off to go destroy everything ever. Red Wild Force Ranger won't let him, so he calls his flying motorcycle and zips off after him into space. Now we get a bunch of CG, and I frown just a little because I loved the janky-rear end sentai footage as opposed to this bad CG business. Oh well, the payoff is cool. Red Wild Force Ranger flies into Serpentera's goddamn mouth and blows it up from the inside. God drat. The day is saved, and everyone parts ways and laughs about the good old days of saving the world from space aliens by fighting good and using giant zords. One guy also says he was baked into a giant pizza. Horseshit. That could not have happened. Despite all that, this was good. A servicable 20 minutes of show, and if I still part of the target audience for this program I'd be on cloud nine.
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May 16, 2014 14:49
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FreezingInferno posted:One guy also says he was baked into a giant pizza. Horseshit. That could not have happened. You should look at the post right above you
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May 16, 2014 14:52
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