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  • Locked thread
AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Derek Agony posted:

Who's the non-AU Man City manager? I don't remember him being mentioned before.

Mainly because he's window dressing. Man City tend to do well regardless, and have no qualms about firing whoever is in charge every couple of seasons regardless of if they've won anything.

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habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Man City's coach is Manuel Pelligrini, who is very good and achieved a lot with traditionally second rate clubs in La Liga before joining Man City this past year and winning the Premier League. But Sheikh Mansour won't hesitate to fire him if he doesn't bring home at least the Premier League title or Champion's League title. Their last manager, Roberto Mancini, was sacked a year after he won the team's first league title in 44 years and had made the FA Cup finals the year he was sacked.

Munin
Nov 14, 2004


AJ_Impy posted:

Mainly because he's window dressing. Man City tend to do well regardless, and have no qualms about firing whoever is in charge every couple of seasons regardless of if they've won anything.

That's a bit unfair. Mancini had been there since 2009 (just) until he very harshly got the boot for not retaining the title. It's not like Chelsea who via various temps and permanenet managers ended running through 8 between the departure and return of Mourinho.

The current manager is Manuel Pellegrini and he seems to be less prone to generating headlines and give juicy quotes than the other big managers in the league.


habeasdorkus posted:

It doesn't help that the top paid government employee in all but 11 states is a basketball or football coach:

This American Life (IIRC, might have been another podcast) had a nice episode about how the sports program at various schools is seen as mandatory and how in many cases academic programs are cut back harshly before anyone would even consider touching the holy grail of the Football team fund.

BurningStone
Jun 3, 2011
The Northwestern case is going to blow up the current system. It may take years, but the current system is unravelling.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

BurningStone posted:

The Northwestern case is going to blow up the current system. It may take years, but the current system is unravelling.

Not really, from all accounts the players didn't vote to unionize, in part because every voice around them told the players that it would be the end of the world if they did vote to unionize.

The Ed O'Bannon lawsuit, in which the players are due compensation for the use of their likeness, is more likely to shake up the system drastically. It's already caused EA to cash out and cancel the NCAA Football games, but the NCAA's fairly content to go down with the ship right now.

Julio Cruz
May 19, 2006
I meant the real-world equivalent to Patrick Pattison, I can't think of a British manager who'd go to City and do well, maybe it's Big Sam?

BurningStone
Jun 3, 2011
The votes aren't looked at until the NLRB hears the appeal, but they don't matter. If players are found to be able to unionize, they will, though it'll come in dribs and drabs.

I agree that the O'Bannon case is for bigger stakes, but I'm told the player's legal standing is weaker there.

Sneaky Fast
Apr 24, 2013

It really makes me laugh that every voice calling to protect the sanctity of college athletics and prevent unionization is making gobs of money on the racket of amateurism.

E: Brian Phillips wrote a great article on amateurism that I highly recommend.
http://grantland.com/features/northwestern-ncaa-college-athletics-union/

ForeverBWFC
Oct 19, 2011

Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

Derek Agony posted:

I meant the real-world equivalent to Patrick Pattison, I can't think of a British manager who'd go to City and do well, maybe it's Big Sam?

An FM-overrated Tim Sherwood maybe?

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Derek Agony posted:

I meant the real-world equivalent to Patrick Pattison, I can't think of a British manager who'd go to City and do well, maybe it's Big Sam?

I think he doesn't have a real life counterpart, actually. Pattison's listed as having been named Atalanta's head coach in November 2012, and had that job at the time the game began in the summer of 2013. Atalanta's real life head coach is Stefano Colantuono, an Italian, and started in 2010.

Pattison was born in the same year of Colantuono, so it could just be a mistake by SI and he's supposed to be an Italian who'd been at Atalanta since 2010 instead of 2012.

SnafuAl
Oct 20, 2010

VR! VR! VR!
BLOODY VR!


A familiar sight, the boss man at his desk,
The God-King of Wrexham now facing a test;
A knocking sounds out, another young protégé
No doubt here to complain of how little they play
Despite knowing full well they are not first-team-ready...
Brown's knuckles turn white, but he must remain steady.
After all, this nonsense has happened before
And, cursing his choice to keep an open door,
“Come in” he says, and looks up to see
Which ungrateful prick is the new complainee;
The door creaks slowly open, one young man enters in,
The boss relaxes, his grimace morphs to a good-natured grin,
He kicks back and rests his feet up on the table:
“What can I do for you
Rocky Bastable?”

“This doesn't have to go outside of this office”,
The lad starts his practiced speech, seeming uncertain of this,
“But I've done all I can in this corner of Wales,
So I want to be sold in the January Sales.”
His nerve seems to crack, the words come out in a tumble,
The boss's grin falters at this half-expected grumble.
Regaining composure, he sits up and reassures:
“Believe me, my boy, my ambitions match yours,
I want you to face the very best in the game
To bask in the glory, crowds chanting your name,
To collect all of the silverware, every last bit,
I just want to see you do it in that red Dragons kit.
To help you to achieve I'll do all that I'm able,
But you're staying at Wrexham,
Rocky Bastable.”

The young man is shocked at the total denial,
But he stops, breathes in deeply, and holds back the bile.
“I appreciate what you're saying, boss, don't get me wrong,
But to put it quite plainly, I can't wait that long.
And everyone knows that only this winter,
You've turned away Napoli, and twice denied Inter!
And as if this news wasn't already momentous,
There's talk that I've caught the eyes of Juventus.
I get that you want me here, but I want to go far,
And I'd be much better suited to playing in Serie A.
Why are you being such a damned oval office about this?”
The boss interrupted, slammed his desk with his fist,
Stood up from his seat, and with a voice calm and stable,
Said “Now sit the gently caress down.”
To Rocky Bastable.

“I've heard what you've said,” he began, voice laden with doom,
“Something's made you unhappy, or so I assume.
But I thought I made it clear that if that were the case,
You should have the loving balls to say as much to my face.
So what is it, boy, what has your head craning
To make eyes at those bastards in the Mediterranean?
Is the training too hard? Or is it my failure
To give you free reign to gently caress off to play for Australia?
Is that it, you bastard? Do you think I'm short-sighted
For keeping you here to play Man-loving-United
While your country fucks about in some no-name competition?
You dare come in here and lecture me about ambition?
I've seen future stars before, boy, and you deserve that label
But there's some poo poo that needs set straight here,
Rocky Bastable.”

“While it's true, you have the talents to one day be a star,
Need I remind you I signed you from a club in loving Qatar?
I plucked you from the desert, brought you here to grow and feed
In the fertile soccer soil of the drat Premier League
And while Wrexham might not be home to a megabastard yet,
Don't you loving dare tell me you have any regrets.
I kept playing you no matter what, through thick and through thin,
I cheered you from the sidelines when you were banging them in.
If I had had less faith in you, in the weeks you had not scored,
Do you think that on your own you'd have that Golden Boot award?
Or been named in the whole league's Team of the loving Year?
Because from what you've said today, I must make this perfectly clear:
While without me you may have been perfectly able,
I loving made you,
Rocky Bastable.”

The young Aussie sat stunned, unsure what he should do
He had never before known the coach to turn the air so blue.
He rose slowly to his feet, started to move towards the exit,
Mumbled somewhat sullenly about feeling disrespected.
And left the boss alone again, the silence laying thick,
Broken only softly by the wall-clock's gentle tick.
The boss man sighed, sat at his desk and poured
A glass of the fine scotch whisky he'd been gifted by the board
He tried so hard to bring these talents in and make them feel at home
It hurt to see them treat Wrexham as merely a stepping stone
Toward certain English clubs, or even those on foreign shores,
But his thoughts were soon cut short by another rapping at his door.
He forced himself to smile, and looking up asked gaily,
“So what can I do for you today,
Justin bloody Bailey?”



And this is why reading LPs whilst bored at work is a bad idea.

Cthulhu Dreams
Dec 11, 2010

If I pretend to be Cthulhu no one will know I'm a baseball robot.
Bravo I loving lost it at the Qatar line

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
:allears: That was lovely.

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)
I vote SnafuAl a boon for that, that was amazing.

the JJ
Mar 31, 2011

SnafuAl posted:

A familiar sight, the boss man at his desk,
The God-King of Wrexham now facing a test;
A knocking sounds out, another young protégé
No doubt here to complain of how little they play
Despite knowing full well they are not first-team-ready...
Brown's knuckles turn white, but he must remain steady.
After all, this nonsense has happened before
And, cursing his choice to keep an open door,
“Come in” he says, and looks up to see
Which ungrateful prick is the new complainee;
The door creaks slowly open, one young man enters in,
The boss relaxes, his grimace morphs to a good-natured grin,
He kicks back and rests his feet up on the table:
“What can I do for you
Rocky Bastable?”

“This doesn't have to go outside of this office”,
The lad starts his practiced speech, seeming uncertain of this,
“But I've done all I can in this corner of Wales,
So I want to be sold in the January Sales.”
His nerve seems to crack, the words come out in a tumble,
The boss's grin falters at this half-expected grumble.
Regaining composure, he sits up and reassures:
“Believe me, my boy, my ambitions match yours,
I want you to face the very best in the game
To bask in the glory, crowds chanting your name,
To collect all of the silverware, every last bit,
I just want to see you do it in that red Dragons kit.
To help you to achieve I'll do all that I'm able,
But you're staying at Wrexham,
Rocky Bastable.”

The young man is shocked at the total denial,
But he stops, breathes in deeply, and holds back the bile.
“I appreciate what you're saying, boss, don't get me wrong,
But to put it quite plainly, I can't wait that long.
And everyone knows that only this winter,
You've turned away Napoli, and twice denied Inter!
And as if this news wasn't already momentous,
There's talk that I've caught the eyes of Juventus.
I get that you want me here, but I want to go far,
And I'd be much better suited to playing in Serie A.
Why are you being such a damned oval office about this?”
The boss interrupted, slammed his desk with his fist,
Stood up from his seat, and with a voice calm and stable,
Said “Now sit the gently caress down.”
To Rocky Bastable.

“I've heard what you've said,” he began, voice laden with doom,
“Something's made you unhappy, or so I assume.
But I thought I made it clear that if that were the case,
You should have the loving balls to say as much to my face.
So what is it, boy, what has your head craning
To make eyes at those bastards in the Mediterranean?
Is the training too hard? Or is it my failure
To give you free reign to gently caress off to play for Australia?
Is that it, you bastard? Do you think I'm short-sighted
For keeping you here to play Man-loving-United
While your country fucks about in some no-name competition?
You dare come in here and lecture me about ambition?
I've seen future stars before, boy, and you deserve that label
But there's some poo poo that needs set straight here,
Rocky Bastable.”

“While it's true, you have the talents to one day be a star,
Need I remind you I signed you from a club in loving Qatar?
I plucked you from the desert, brought you here to grow and feed
In the fertile soccer soil of the drat Premier League
And while Wrexham might not be home to a megabastard yet,
Don't you loving dare tell me you have any regrets.
I kept playing you no matter what, through thick and through thin,
I cheered you from the sidelines when you were banging them in.
If I had had less faith in you, in the weeks you had not scored,
Do you think that on your own you'd have that Golden Boot award?
Or been named in the whole league's Team of the loving Year?
Because from what you've said today, I must make this perfectly clear:
While without me you may have been perfectly able,
I loving made you,
Rocky Bastable.”

The young Aussie sat stunned, unsure what he should do
He had never before known the coach to turn the air so blue.
He rose slowly to his feet, started to move towards the exit,
Mumbled somewhat sullenly about feeling disrespected.
And left the boss alone again, the silence laying thick,
Broken only softly by the wall-clock's gentle tick.
The boss man sighed, sat at his desk and poured
A glass of the fine scotch whisky he'd been gifted by the board
He tried so hard to bring these talents in and make them feel at home
It hurt to see them treat Wrexham as merely a stepping stone
Toward certain English clubs, or even those on foreign shores,
But his thoughts were soon cut short by another rapping at his door.
He forced himself to smile, and looking up asked gaily,
“So what can I do for you today,
Justin bloody Bailey?”



And this is why reading LPs whilst bored at work is a bad idea.

I was not really expecting anyone to top that rap battle Pdox LP update.

e: I will buy him an avatar if he doesn't get a boon.

TorakFade
Oct 3, 2006

I strongly disapprove


^^ was that rap battle in the main CK2 LP thread?

Sky Shadowing posted:

I vote SnafuAl a boon for that, that was amazing.

Seconding this. :allears:

TorakFade fucked around with this message at 09:14 on May 17, 2014

Exercu
Dec 7, 2009

EAT WELL, SLEEP WELL, SHIT WELL! THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!!

TorakFade posted:

^^ was that rap battle in the main CK2 LP thread?


Seconding this. :allears:

It was in Thanqol's fantastic CK2 LP

http://lparchive.org/Crusader-Kings-2-(by-Thanqol)/Update%2013/

Munin
Nov 14, 2004


I was ready to post that we need to do what Hull did against us...

Dreamsicle
Oct 16, 2013

So in the future, what kind of special name will they give to Tackleford's firing of Scott Brown?

GenHavoc
Jul 19, 2006

Vive L'Empreur!
Vive La Surcouf!

Dreamsicle posted:

So in the future, what kind of special name will they give to Tackleford's firing of Scott Brown?

The Brown Note.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Chapter the Ninth: The edge of glory.
March 18, 2021-April 20, 2021

We have eight Premier League matches left, and the FA Cup semifinal against Liverpool. Our schedule is as soft as it gets these next few weeks, Liverpool are not having a good season and of our league opponents only Stoke are in the top half. Five wins will put us on the verge of the Champion's League and our first serious bit of hardware.




I would have preferred if Aarts had been the one to have a great experience getting mentored, but Novotny is back to being “optimistic about his future with the club” so at least he's no longer a disharmonious presence at the club.



Mair got called up, maybe he'll get his first cap! Everyone go out and buy his Scotland kit!



Not much we can do about this and Aarts wasn't getting on the pitch anyways until we've clinched a top four position.




Oh come on. Mair was hurt in training, meaning he won't even get his first cap. Patrice Morvan better be ready for his first multi-game run in the starting eleven, Mair will be out for at least four games.



What more has to happen before USA Soccer fires AU-Klinsmann and realizes I'm the man to win the United States a World Cup?



Todd doesn't miss a single game thanks to the Reading game being pushed back ten days.



There goes any pity I had for Reading in the upcoming match.

vs. Reading, March 30, 2021
Premier League


Reading are safe from the drop, probably, but their fans have to be disappointed as this will be their worst finish in seven seasons since they rejoined the Premier League in 2013/14. Given that their manager has been talking poo poo about us, I want to knock them around something fierce.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Todd, Mejasic, Morvan, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Dos Santos, Feruga, Djurovic, Bailey, Matko, Di Martino.

Chris Todd returns from the trainers room with some fire in his belly. He scores twice with headers from corner kicks, and we're on our way to the solid victory I demanded from the players When Reading suffers an own goal in the 57th minute, the game is sealed, and despite some success getting off shots in the second half Reading is unable to pick up a goal of their own. Just shy of stoppage time substitute Josue Di Martino picks the pocket of an incautious Reading centerback and delivers a clinical finish to polish off an emphatic victory.

Man of the Match: Chris Todd




Wrexham 4-0 Reading



Ah, I didn't realize you were suffering from delusions. You should be lauded for leading your club to 16th place despite your obvious late stage dementia.




It's a legitimate complaint, Dos Santos has been a sparingly used backup all season thanks to the health of Cirjak and Mejasic. He's not good enough to deserve much playing time, though, and Collignon accepts that without qualm.



Newman wins another Young Player of the month award. I should re-sign him rather than let him go on a free transfer this summer.




Shirra is third in the Premier League Player of the Month award and earns his sixth Young Player of the Month award. We actually sweep the podium in the latter award, with Todd and Boumsong finishing behind the young Scotsman.



It's about damned time. Turns out all it takes to win the Manager of the Month is to play only two league games in that month.



Two league games and an FA Cup match doesn't bring in much money, though, and we're back to running a deficit.



Now that's how you talk about an opponent with class. I'm still going to try to crush you, Morgan, but I'll be happy to shake your hand afterwards.

vs. Stoke City, April 3, 2021
Premier League


Stoke are having another good season, with a real chance to play in the Europa League next fall. We're going to have to play well to ensure that we don't drop points and allow Chelsea back into the top four scrum.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Todd, Mejasic, Morvan, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Dos Santos, Feruga, Djurovic, Bailey, Matko, Di Martino.

Stoke stun us at the start, scoring less than a minute into the game. It's all uphill from there. We dominate the game statistically, pulling even before a half hour had finished with a Scott Shirra equalizer. Even so we're knotted at one a piece, with a Meteor goal having been called back, and time is running down. Our persistence finally pays off when Patrice Morvan scalds a ball from outside of the area into the back of the net with fifteen minutes left to play. Stoke never looked a threat after that first minute goal, and we take our deserved three points.

Man of the Match: Patrice Morvan




Wrexham 2-1 Stoke



Of all the games to televise, why this one? So that no one watches us? Stop jerking my chain, SkyTV. I know Rupert was upset that Wendi went all cougar on me after they divorced, but why are you carrying out the dying retribution of an Australian media billionaire?



Our defense has markedly improved as the year has gone on, and three-fourths of our back line makes an appearance in the team of the week.

At Watford, April 6, 2021
Premier League


This may be an away game, but it's one we should be winning. Watford are not a very good team this year, and we're on a hot streak. I'm resting Dinko Mejasic, I don't want him picking up a yellow card today and being suspended for our upcoming FA Cup semifinal. Shirra is also getting a rest so that he'll be fresh for the semifinal as well.



By the way, I insist that Tom's name is pronounced in the most humorous fashion possible.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Todd, Feruga, Morvan, Djurovic, Matko, Nieddu, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Dos Santos, Lewis, Petts, Bailey, Shirra, Di Martino.

We play very well through the first thirty minutes, taking a lead on a Meteor strike. Things look like they're going to go easily from then on, but Chris Todd has decided that winning easily is boring. He picks up a yellow card at 34 minutes, and then immediately picks up another less than two minutes later. We're forced to play an hour of football with just ten men because of his impetuousness, and it brings Watford right back into the match. We're lucky that Nieddu adds a goal just after Todd takes an early bath, because the second half is all Watford. They score a goal two minutes after the break, and then have forty minutes to pummel our out-manned defense. We hold onto the lead thanks to the heroic efforts of Cyril Boumsong, and escape with another short handed victory. Chris Todd gets to sit front and center after the match as I give him a tongue-lashing for putting the result in doubt with his hot-headed play. Getting sent off also means that he's going to miss the FA Cup semi-final with a suspension, weakening us before our most important match of the season.

Man of the Match: Dimitri Nieddu




Watford 1-2 Wrexham



Since this is his second sending off this year for two yellows, Todd will miss two games.



Unfair? You got two red cards inside five minutes. And it's not the first time you've done this.




You better see my side of things if you want a new contract this summer.



I realize our fans probably don't travel well at this point, but Liverpool can't fill up Wembley for a FA Cup semifinal? Shame on you, Kopites.

vs. Liverpool, April 11, 2021
FA Cup, Semifinal Round


The day prior saw Manchester United beat Arsenal. They await the winner of this match. I'm feeling good about our chances, Liverpool have underperformed all season long and were lucky to make it this far in the FA Cup, while we're playing as well as we have all year and are on a six match winning streak. It's neutral ground, and with Wembley at less than 2/3rds capacity our fans won't be outnumbered by the Anfield faithful.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Feruga, Mejasic, Morvan, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Dos Santos, Lewis, Djurovic, Bailey, Matko, Martino.

Liverpool don't let us control play quite as much as other teams have recently. Despite having 59% possession we only take six shots all game. One of those finds home in the 13th minute when Liverpool's captain makes a horrible mistake and flat whiffs on a clearance, and then allows Shirra to streak by him for an easy chance that beats the keeper and puts us up 1-0. Another comes in the 34th minute when Shirra shows excellent vision to redirect a cross from Petts to Nieddu, and Nieddu finishes incisively to give us the 2-0 lead. Liverpool never have a chance when it comes to attacking, and we strangle the life out of their Cup Run over the remaining hour of play. The only cloud on the day appears when Mejasic picks up his fifteenth yellow card of the season in the second half, which earns him a three game suspension. We're going to the FA Cup final, and we're going to be playing Manchester United for all the marbles.

Man of the Match: Scott Shirra




Wrexham 2-0 Liverpool



I knew holding Mejasic out was the right thing to do, he'll be back before the final.



I merely said that he was a good coach. If that's enough to make him crack he needs to look for a new line of work.



Better than a stick in the eye. But more importantly, we're going to the finals. United beat us in Manchester and we beat them in Wrexham, it's time to see who can win in London.



This is surprising, and distressing. I expected the FA Cup final to come a week after the end of the season. Instead it's going to come in the middle of our last four league matches. We need to sew up our Champion's League qualification ASAP so I can rest players before the big match.




It's your lucky month, rook. You get the next three starts at left back.



Ok, bastard. I'll transfer list you. But don't expect me to drop the £60m pound asking price. I will not sell you for anything less than the GDP of Nauru.



He's attracting even more interest now, the question is whether anyone is willing to drop so much coin on him that I'll consider their offer.



Neither Mujkic nor Nieddu are being mooted as Player of the Year candidates, but hopefully one of them can take the young player award home.



Nieddu is in contention for the writers award as well. He deserves it. He has the fourth highest average rating in the entire league, is 10th in assists, and 13th in goals.

At Bristol City, April 18, 2021
Premier League


Bristol City have fought valiantly all season to keep their heads above water, and with five games remaining they can still see safety. We're going to try to push their heads under water, not only for our own sake but for that of Sky Shadowing in Southampton.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control.
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Dos Santos, Morvan, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Feruga, O'Hanlon, Djurovic, Matko, Di Martino, Aarts.

Bristol City hit us on the counter five minutes into the match, and remain a threat throughout the game. They're actually keeping more possession than we are through the first half, forcing me to switch us to the 4-4-2 Diamond in an effort to chase an equalizer. A big part of the problem was a nagging injury to Shirra, who does not play well before being subbed off. Before an hour has passed. We get the equalizer in the 50th minute when a poor backpass is left sitting in space for a hard working Rocky Bastable, who slips it by the oncoming keeper and into the back of the net. We get the winner ten minutes later when Bristol's entire defense collapses towards Bastable, and is caught flat footed when he side-heels a pass to the trailing, completely unmarked Di Martino. Bristol City threaten again in the final third of the match, but we hang on for the three points despite not playing up to our full potential.

Man of the Match: Meteor Mujkic




Bristol City 1-2 Wrexham




Well that's a lovely butchers bill to end on. At least they'll both be back in time for the FA Cup final.



Stats Key
Apps: Appearances in both League and Cup games (parentheses are substitution appearances)
Gls: Goals
Ast: Assists
PoM: Player of the Match awards
Pas R: Pass completion percentage
Tck: Tackles per game
DrbPG: Dribbles per game
Sh T: Percentage of shots that are on target
Av Rat: Average Rating
Yel: Yellow Cards

I posted player stats between updates, and wanted everyone to get a gander at our squad. Bastable and Shirra are as good as they were last year, while Mujkic and Nieddu have stepped up to give us four dangerous players on the attack. Only Aarts has had a below average season, and he's been in just four games. Our performance this season is no fluke, we're exactly as good as our league standing. There's a new monster club on the block, and you can hear it roar from across the English border.



We're going to play in Europe next year, but we have five games remaining for glory. If we earn a single point over our next four Premier League games, or if Chelsea doesn't win all four of their remaining games, we'll clinch Champion's League qualification. In the middle of that we'll face Manchester United in front of the largest crowd we'll have ever played before, both on television and in person, for the FA Cup and the second most prestigious prize in England. There's no backing down now. Let's get stuck in and come away with Wrexham and Wales on the lips of every dismissive Englishman.

Dreamsicle
Oct 16, 2013

Are you going to do a minute-by-minute of the FA Cup final?

Brony Hunter
Dec 27, 2012

Motherfucking Mannis

They'll bend the knee or I'll destroy them
Liverpool are 14th? What happened to them?

Amhazair
Feb 13, 2012
They got themselves a manager who cracks under the immense pressure of actually being called a good coach, apparently. That really can't be a good sign.

It's massively unlikely to actually come to anything due to ManU's two games in hand, but: 2 points from the top with 4 games to go! I'd put that down as the definition of "Challenging for the title." Excellent work coach. (Now don't go and crack under the pressure of my extravagant praise, please?)

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)
*skips to bottom of update to see the most important thing first*

Whew, Southampton is clear of the relegation zone, AND with a game in hand! Now I can read the rest of the update!

No, I didn't actually do this.

tarbrush
Feb 7, 2011

ALL ABOARD THE SCOTLAND HYPE TRAIN!

CHOO CHOO

Sky Shadowing posted:

*skips to bottom of update to see the most important thing first*

Whew, Southampton is clear of the relegation zone, AND with a game in hand! Now I can read the rest of the update!

No, I didn't actually do this.

Presumably you had Cielo Shadowing do that for you?

Sicke
Jul 12, 2013

Honestly I just wanted a seal picture
I'm not the only one who sees us 2 points back from Man City with the last game of the season having them coming to our house? Am I smelling two trophies this year?

Reveilled
Apr 19, 2007

Take up your rifles

Sicke posted:

I'm not the only one who sees us 2 points back from Man City with the last game of the season having them coming to our house? Am I smelling two trophies this year?

You're smelling whatever you're smoking, Man U are two points behind City with two games in hand, unless both Man City and Man U gently caress up superfuckingbigtime in their remaining games, there's no way we're winning.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Manchester United would have to implode for us to win the title. They're tied with us on points and have two games in hand. But if that happens, yeah, we've got a shot.

As for Liverpool, they canned their coach midseason, at one point they were 17th in the league. They're completely dysfunctional, as bad as I've ever seen a megabastard get. They can still attract some talent, but inevitably the good players they find end up pissed off and demanding a transfer at midseason after they fail to live up to expectations.

I'll probably do a MBM of the FA Cup final, but unless we've moved into contention for the title it won't be live.

Dreamsicle
Oct 16, 2013

Out of curiosity, how do you get out of the Champions League once you're in it for EPL teams? I'm hoping there's more to it than just finishing below 4th in the EPL.

For example, Man City goes to the knockout round of the CL but finish 5th in the EPL. Are they still in?

Dreamsicle fucked around with this message at 00:23 on May 20, 2014

Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.
I might be misunderstanding the question but teams qualify on an annual basis for all European tournaments: you're only in it if you finished 1st-4th the previous season (or won it the season before and didn't place in the league). 'League' is really a terrible thing to call the European tournaments, which have a short group stage halfway through but otherwise are a series of two-leg knockout fixtures.

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)

Dreamsicle posted:

Out of curiosity, how do you get out of the Champions League once you're in it for EPL teams? I'm hoping there's more to it than just finishing below 4th in the EPL.

For example, Man City goes to the knockout round of the CL but finish 5th in the EPL. Are they still in?

They run concurrently. You get into the Champions League for next season only by finishing 4+. If you finish below that season, unless you win the Champions League (also called 'Chelsea loving Tottenham'), you do not get back in the next year.

You get knocked out of the Group Stages by finishing either 3 or 4. If you finished 3 you go to the knockout stages of the Europa League. If you finish 4 your European tour is over.

Dreamsicle
Oct 16, 2013

Sky Shadowing posted:

They run concurrently. You get into the Champions League for next season only by finishing 4+. If you finish below that season, unless you win the Champions League (also called 'Chelsea loving Tottenham'), you do not get back in the next year.

You get knocked out of the Group Stages by finishing either 3 or 4. If you finished 3 you go to the knockout stages of the Europa League. If you finish 4 your European tour is over.

Ah, I just wanted to make sure about where you needed to finish in the CL before you get to stay in spite of finishing below 4th.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
It's actually possible, though pretty much only theoretical, that a team could win the Champion's League (and thus secure a Champion's League spot for the next season) while getting relegated. The fixture congestion that would cause makes my eyes bleed just thinking about it.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
To the dude who just rated this a 1 out of 5, could I get some criticism? Cause I'm not sure what I did wrong. I noticed that this thread has received a bunch of 1 votes, they knocked the rating down a whole lot after someone mentioned it on the recommendation thread.

I realize it's a dumb thing to worry about, but if I'm actually screwing something up I'd like to know about it so I can do a better job.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 03:53 on May 20, 2014

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost
^^I wouldn't worry about it, probably just someone being edgy.

habeasdorkus posted:

Of all the games to televise, why this one? So that no one watches us? Stop jerking my chain, SkyTV. I know Rupert was upset that Wendi went all cougar on me after they divorced, but why are you carrying out the dying retribution of an Australian media billionaire?

:barf: Just don't tell her that you have a heart of gold, she'll try and dig it out of your chest while you sleep.

Zeroisanumber fucked around with this message at 04:22 on May 20, 2014

berryjon
May 30, 2011

I have an invasion to go to.

habeasdorkus posted:

I realize it's a dumb thing to worry about, but if I'm actually screwing something up I'd like to know about it so I can do a better job.

Some people just do it out of spite. They see a popular thread, and have to do the opposite to feel 'special' or 'powerful'.

They're asses. One and all.

makes sure he's voted this thread a high number

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
That reminded me that I forgot to rate the thread five, thanks

Julio Cruz
May 19, 2006

habeasdorkus posted:

It's actually possible, though pretty much only theoretical, that a team could win the Champion's League (and thus secure a Champion's League spot for the next season) while getting relegated. The fixture congestion that would cause makes my eyes bleed just thinking about it.

Do that twice in a row and you've got the Johnstone's Paint Trophy to worry about, too.

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steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat

habeasdorkus posted:

To the dude who just rated this a 1 out of 5, could I get some criticism? Cause I'm not sure what I did wrong. I noticed that this thread has received a bunch of 1 votes, they knocked the rating down a whole lot after someone mentioned it on the recommendation thread.

I bet it's outrage that there's a jock thread in a safe-zone subforum.

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