More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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hihifellow: Jun 17, 2005; seriously where the fuck did this genre come from

Using an access DB as the backend DB for paid software should be banned as cruel and unusual torment. You should forfeit all rights to a fair trial if you package it in a single user install only msi.

# ? May 20, 2014 14:49

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# ? May 23, 2024 03:47

ming-the-mazdaless: Nov 30, 2005; Whore funded horsepower

Ynglaur posted:

Generally, if you don't get a sale, you don't get sales compensation. Outside of sales, people get paid, and then disciplined. Inside of sales, people just don't get paid. (I'm lying a little bit: many sales organizations routinely overpay using things like "adjustments" in order to keep "top talent" that really isn't.)

I agree, but lets be honest, most sales people in telco software vendors (my industry) are on adequate pay packets because the sales cycles are unbearably long... Losing sales compensation means jack poo poo to someone who cannot sell and is still getting paid.
We still get the "adjustment" type shenanigans though.

# ? May 20, 2014 14:55

porktree: Mar 23, 2002; You just fucked with the wrong Mexican.

Roargasm posted:

Read between the lines man. A beard is a stupid thing to lose a job over.

You obviously don't have my lush and awesome beard.

# ? May 20, 2014 14:55

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

Oh cool the office is closing early on Friday because it's Memorial Day weekend!

Oh hey look at that I have a job scheduled to run for at least an hour past when the office closes on a non-holiday Friday.

gently caress yes feelin' like a valued member of the team :tooticide:

# ? May 20, 2014 16:46

MC Fruit Stripe: Nov 26, 2002; around and around we go

Finance wants receipts for a trip I took and submitted 3 months ago. Of course I do not have receipts after three months. Of course we can argue about this for as long as it takes. Of course you will still pay me my loving money.

# ? May 20, 2014 17:12

CaptainJuan: Oct 15, 2008; Thick. Juicy. Tender.

Imagine cutting into a Barry White Song.

MC Fruit Stripe posted:

Finance wants receipts for a trip I took and submitted 3 months ago. Of course I do not have receipts after three months. Of course we can argue about this for as long as it takes. Of course you will still pay me my loving money.

I thought this said "fiancée" and I got really worried for you.

# ? May 20, 2014 17:22

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

Walking through the kitchen to scope out the line for the microwave, a voice behind me says "maybe Sirotan can fix it!" A new employee needed help getting the coffee machine working, and being in IT, clearly that is my domain. Luckily, someone else responded with "Sirotan can't help you, she doesn't drink coffee."

My reputation as a snobby tea drinker precedes me. :smug:

# ? May 20, 2014 17:41

Che Delilas: Nov 23, 2009; FREE TIBET WEED

hihifellow posted:

Using an access DB as the backend DB for paid software should be banned as cruel and unusual torment. You should forfeit all rights to a fair trial if you package it in a single user install only msi.

Don't start calling MS Access files "databases" around career DBAs unless you want to make enemies.

# ? May 20, 2014 17:44

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

MC Fruit Stripe posted:

Finance wants receipts for a trip I took and submitted 3 months ago. Of course I do not have receipts after three months. Of course we can argue about this for as long as it takes. Of course you will still pay me my loving money.

I don't gently caress around with this. The first time I had any friction with getting reimbursed at my old place I cut them off. I personally don't give a poo poo if it makes it inconvenient for them to pay all my expenses ahead of time. I am not a bank. I am not going to give my employer a loan. I am definitely not going then beg to get what I loaned back.

# ? May 20, 2014 18:00

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

The next person that asks me a question and when I answer responds with "correct" is getting punched in the throat. I'm hearing this more and more often now and I hate it with every fiber of my being. Are you testing me? Do you already know the answer? No? Then the proper response is "ok" or "thank you" or some other goddamn affirmation but not "correct."

In case this doesn't make any sense here's an example from this morning:

Security guard: I need you to connect my email to this Blackberry.
Dick: What's the email address?
Security guard: me@notmygoddamndomain.com
Dick: That account is from your company. You'll need your company's I.T. to handle this.
Security guard: Correct.

:supaburn:

# ? May 20, 2014 18:24

MC Fruit Stripe: Nov 26, 2002; around and around we go

Sickening posted:

I don't gently caress around with this. The first time I had any friction with getting reimbursed at my old place I cut them off. I personally don't give a poo poo if it makes it inconvenient for them to pay all my expenses ahead of time. I am not a bank. I am not going to give my employer a loan. I am definitely not going then beg to get what I loaned back.

I recently got the high pressure sales pitch from the company about getting a company credit card. It turned out that this would be a credit card in my name, with bills sent directly to me, and I would submit receipts for company approval on expenses.

Yeah, I already have a few of those, they're called my credit cards. I'm not signing up for an additional bill to track, with the added benefit of an agreement signed stating I am subject to termination for any number of infractions.

# ? May 20, 2014 18:33

baquerd: Jul 2, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

MC Fruit Stripe posted:

I recently got the high pressure sales pitch from the company about getting a company credit card. It turned out that this would be a credit card in my name, with bills sent directly to me, and I would submit receipts for company approval on expenses.

Yeah, I already have a few of those, they're called my credit cards. I'm not signing up for an additional bill to track, with the added benefit of an agreement signed stating I am subject to termination for any number of infractions.

Sometimes you don't have a choice - use their credit card or don't get reimbursed for travel. Pick one or lose your job because you can't travel.

On the scale of things that suck, it's pretty low on the list though unless someone's terrible with credit cards.

# ? May 20, 2014 19:05

Alereon: Feb 6, 2004; Dehumanize yourself and face to Trumpshed; College Slice

Sickening posted:

I don't gently caress around with this. The first time I had any friction with getting reimbursed at my old place I cut them off. I personally don't give a poo poo if it makes it inconvenient for them to pay all my expenses ahead of time. I am not a bank. I am not going to give my employer a loan. I am definitely not going then beg to get what I loaned back.

A few years back I worked for a real company that wanted me to max out my personal credit card for plane tickets and a room in a fancy hotel (near our office) and submit an expense report, basically leaving me across the country for a week with no financial cushion. They said they couldn't issue me a company card or charge any of the stuff themselves because I was a contractor, as in exploited perma-temp, not a real contractor.

I ended up calling the VP of finance or whatever department it was and he was like "wow, that's not reasonable at all" and got it all taken care of. I still couldn't get a company card, but I only had to expense things like cab rides.

# ? May 20, 2014 19:10

Che Delilas: Nov 23, 2009; FREE TIBET WEED

baquerd posted:

Sometimes you don't have a choice - use their credit card or don't get reimbursed for travel. Pick one or lose your job because you can't travel.

On the scale of things that suck, it's pretty low on the list though unless someone's terrible with credit cards.

It's low on the suck list unless you've been burned one or more times by your company failing to reimburse you for something and taking months of you pulling teeth to get your goddamn money back. At that point, it jumps up to "gently caress you, do me a favor and fire me I'm not putting up with you loving thieves" territory.

# ? May 20, 2014 19:34

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

I worked at a call center where I was given the task of taking (film) photos of alot of the staff. I paid the $150 for film and processing and submitted it for reimbursement. My manager kept it on her desk for five months, and it got to the point where if I brought it up she'd yell "HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU I'M TAKING CARE OF IT?!?"

It became only one of many reasons I hated that place (and her) and in the end I had to go to the big wall of photos and take them all down before she was willing to hand the reimbursement request to the accounting manager. That's all she had to do, hand it over, and she refused until the site director saw me taking the pics down and went to her for an explanation.

It has been a hallmark of my working life that most people I work for only do the basics when compelled. Without compulsion they have no will of their own to be decent human beings. I never question why someone might want to give less than their best effort to their employer because goddamn have I been on the receiving end of literally decades of work bullshit.

# ? May 20, 2014 19:49

Roargasm: Oct 21, 2010; Hate to sound sleazy
But tease me
I don't want it if it's that easy

this rant was never meant to be

Roargasm fucked around with this message at 20:55 on May 20, 2014

# ? May 20, 2014 19:59

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

I just watched a webinar that took place last week for KACE's big upgrade to 6.0. Some highlights:

-"We have adopted some standards."
-A new feature allows you to block certain programs from launching on a computer that has the KACE agent installed, "programs such as eDonkey and Kazaa"
-They have new training sessions called eKcellence Packs and their user forums are located at https://www.itninja.com
-On the annual Dell conference: "every customer who has ever been here has said their head has hurt from all the learning they've had" and "they sometimes describe it as a mullet, business in the front a and party in the back" (yes, they really said that)
-The KACE mobile app is available for Android and iOS, but if you want it for your Windows phone, you have to go on their website and "vote for it"

The UI got updated a ton and actually looks pretty good. Overall I'm optimistic that when I install this update it won't break everything. :unsmith:

# ? May 20, 2014 20:08

bobmarleysghost: Mar 7, 2006

ratbert90 posted:

Interview today was loving awful.

I choked on writing a god drat bash script. It didn't help that it was on a tiny laptop keyboard, but holy poo poo that did not go well.

I came back to the office and wrote the same script in less than a minute without any errors the first god drat time.

I'm kind of curious what they asked you to write

# ? May 20, 2014 20:14

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

Sirotan posted:

I just watched a webinar that took place last week for KACE's big upgrade to 6.0. Some highlights:

-"We have adopted some standards."
-A new feature allows you to block certain programs from launching on a computer that has the KACE agent installed, "programs such as eDonkey and Kazaa"
-They have new training sessions called eKcellence Packs and their user forums are located at https://www.itninja.com
-On the annual Dell conference: "every customer who has ever been here has said their head has hurt from all the learning they've had" and "they sometimes describe it as a mullet, business in the front a and party in the back" (yes, they really said that)
-The KACE mobile app is available for Android and iOS, but if you want it for your Windows phone, you have to go on their website and "vote for it"

The UI got updated a ton and actually looks pretty good. Overall I'm optimistic that when I install this update it won't break everything.

Thats amazing. You could make a drinking game out of everything wrong with all that. You would end up plastered.

SO my new COO has been an employee for an entire month. He however has only been in the office for 4 whole days. Those 4 days were during his first week. Nobody in our leadership seems to know where he is or when he is coming back. The ceo also doesn't seem to know and doesn't appear to have put in any effort to find him.

Seems like he probably got cold feet and moved on and decided to not tell anybody.

# ? May 20, 2014 20:18

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Sickening posted:

SO my new COO has been an employee for an entire month. He however has only been in the office for 4 whole days.

The perfect boss. :allears:

# ? May 20, 2014 20:33

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

One more week until my job ends, and my boss is looking more and more stressed out with every day that goes by.

# ? May 20, 2014 20:34

Che Delilas: Nov 23, 2009; FREE TIBET WEED

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

One more week until my job ends, and my boss is looking more and more stressed out with every day that goes by.

You have to know that they will be more or less fine without you. But while this kind of thing is happening, it can be so, so beautiful.

# ? May 20, 2014 21:04

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

Che Delilas posted:

You have to know that they will be more or less fine without you. But while this kind of thing is happening, it can be so, so beautiful.

They will be totally fine without me, this is just going to severely delay a bunch of things and I feel a bit bad because my boss is a really good guy (but not even close to bad enough to stay here since my new job is going to be awesome).

# ? May 20, 2014 21:06

angry armadillo: Jul 26, 2010

I got pulled into a 2 day meeting to watch my peers decide how we want to lock down our w7 gpo as we are starting to migrate from XP

It was basically 2 days of them being unsure what to do in the majority of instances so just turning stuff off with no thought to the end user, or to testing or change control(!)

I'm glad I have my own domain for now, I said I will just import their policy but actually I will create my own and try and argue the benefits of being nice whilst still being security conscious.

# ? May 20, 2014 21:31

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

Santa is strapped posted:

I'm kind of curious what they asked you to write

Write a script that outputs 1 to 100.
Every number divisible by 3 outputs "hello"
Every number divisible by 5 outputs "world"
Every number divisible by both 3 and 5 outputs "HelloWorld"

It's literately a for loop and a if elif else statement. :negative:

I choked so hard and I don't know why.

Interview today though went really well and I am hopeful I can get hired there. :unsmith:

# ? May 20, 2014 21:49

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

ouch, you got fizzbuzz'd

# ? May 20, 2014 21:52

hihifellow: Jun 17, 2005; seriously where the fuck did this genre come from

That's fizzbuzz, and it's become popular in interviews for programmers to weed out the ones who struggle to come up with solutions to problems that require some thought. I'm not surprised to see it come up in a scripting environment.

edit: dangit

# ? May 20, 2014 21:56

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

ouch, you got fizzbuzz'd

I didn't know that was a thing. :negative:

I now feel even worse because when I sat at my desk I wrote the entire thing out in less than a minute.

# ? May 20, 2014 21:57

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

MC Fruit Stripe posted:

I recently got the high pressure sales pitch from the company about getting a company credit card. It turned out that this would be a credit card in my name, with bills sent directly to me, and I would submit receipts for company approval on expenses.

Yeah, I already have a few of those, they're called my credit cards. I'm not signing up for an additional bill to track, with the added benefit of an agreement signed stating I am subject to termination for any number of infractions.

I got the company credit card. All of the purchases automatically appear in our expense reporting system to be used in a report, and I don't get the bill. The only downside is that apparently paying the company if you inadvertantly make a personal purchase is a pain.

hihifellow posted:

That's fizzbuzz, and it's become popular in interviews for programmers to weed out the ones who struggle to come up with solutions to problems that require some thought. I'm not surprised to see it come up in a scripting environment.

edit: dangit

It's actually supposed to weed out developers that don't even know how to write a for loop, yet will bullshit their way through higher level questions with charm and side tracking.

What's sad is that I look at Fizz Buzz Enterprise Edition now and all I see is good ideas when management won't stop changing their minds. :cripes:

Anyway, take heart, you just need some interviewing experience and you'll be fine next time.

# ? May 20, 2014 22:18

evol262: Nov 30, 2010; #!/usr/bin/perl

Volmarias posted:

What's sad is that I look at Fizz Buzz Enterprise Edition now and all I see is good ideas when management won't stop changing their minds.

This is amazing. Way more enterprise than the last overuse of design patterns I saw.

# ? May 20, 2014 23:58

baquerd: Jul 2, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Che Delilas posted:

It's low on the suck list unless you've been burned one or more times by your company failing to reimburse you for something and taking months of you pulling teeth to get your goddamn money back. At that point, it jumps up to "gently caress you, do me a favor and fire me I'm not putting up with you loving thieves" territory.

Submit a ticket/email to the people who reimburse you: "This is affecting production support, please do the needful. Unable to perform job duties until reimbursed."

# ? May 21, 2014 01:23

Che Delilas: Nov 23, 2009; FREE TIBET WEED

Volmarias posted:

What's sad is that I look at Fizz Buzz Enterprise Edition now and all I see is good ideas when management won't stop changing their minds.

This has come a long way since I first saw it a couple years ago. 18 contributors...

# ? May 21, 2014 01:55

HFX: Nov 29, 2004

ratbert90 posted:

Write a script that outputs 1 to 100.
Every number divisible by 3 outputs "hello"
Every number divisible by 5 outputs "world"
Every number divisible by both 3 and 5 outputs "HelloWorld"

It's literately a for loop and a if elif else statement.

I choked so hard and I don't know why.

Interview today though went really well and I am hopeful I can get hired there.

Don't feel too bad about this. I recommend getting a good programming interview book and practice the questions. They will get you used to responding. If you are like me, you probably have test anxiety thrown in with a trouble translating key strokes to written paper because you never do it anymore.

Che Delilas posted:

This has come a long way since I first saw it a couple years ago. 18 contributors...

I clearly think it also needs a backing data store to store fizz and buzz. Let's not forget localization. Could probably use a resource directory too for any special configuration.

On the other hand, this has given me a reason to try learning groovy.

HFX fucked around with this message at 03:04 on May 21, 2014

# ? May 21, 2014 03:00

God of Mischief: Oct 22, 2010

HFX posted:

On the other hand, this has given me a reason to try learning groovy.

I heartily endorse this choice. It tends to be my scripting language of choice lately, especially if I require any Java libraries. It is just sooooo eassssyyyyy to do most things. Being able to drag in dependencies on the script level instead of making a project/jar/virtualenv/binary/whatever also really helps.

Actual content: I ~~despise~~ really enjoy when the boss says one thing to a sales person that is technically true but the sales person takes it to mean that we have everything in a nice, orderly data feed with information spanning years. In this case, "technically true" is the worst kind of true.

Something not pissing me off: 40% raise took effect. I finally get paid fair wages!

# ? May 21, 2014 03:13

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

HFX posted:

Don't feel too bad about this. I recommend getting a good programming interview book and practice the questions. They will get you used to responding. If you are like me, you probably have test anxiety thrown in with a trouble translating key strokes to written paper because you never do it anymore.

It didn't help that I use a ergonomic keyboard at work and it was on a cramped 13inch notebook during the test. The typos were numerous and bad. Also it had to be done in VIM.

Yeah, on second thought it probably wasn't going to work out there.

# ? May 21, 2014 06:08

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

Today I'm going to update my KACE box. Pray for me.

Somehow the ducks knew, because they were at the office door when I walked in this morning:

Then scampered off as soon as I got close to take a photo. :3:

# ? May 21, 2014 14:14

dogstile: May 1, 2012; fucking clocks
how do they work?

Wow, my boss told a co-worker they couldn't claim 20 minutes overtime if she came in early or use that to make up for times where she's late (where we live there's a main road that has crashes about once a week, a fairly major one about once a month, so its not always avoidable). This is the same boss who will try to take 4 minutes exactly off your annual leave if you're 4 minutes late.

Just, wow.

dogstile fucked around with this message at 14:25 on May 21, 2014

# ? May 21, 2014 14:16

President Ark: May 16, 2010

ratbert90 posted:

Write a script that outputs 1 to 100.
Every number divisible by 3 outputs "hello"
Every number divisible by 5 outputs "world"
Every number divisible by both 3 and 5 outputs "HelloWorld"

It's literately a for loop and a if elif else statement.

Not even - unless I'm mistaken, you can just have it print the number, then check if %3 == 0 and if it is print "Hello", then check if %5 == 0 and if it is print "World", then print a line break and increment the loop.

# ? May 21, 2014 14:31

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

President Ark posted:

Not even - unless I'm mistaken, you can just have it print the number, then check if %3 == 0 and if it is print "Hello", then check if %5 == 0 and if it is print "World", then print a line break and increment the loop.

code:

for x in range(1,101):
    print(x, end='')
    print("Hello", end='') if x%3==0
    print("World", end='') if x%5==0
    print()

The point is not that it's difficult; the point is that it shows a basic understanding of flow control and poo poo.

# ? May 21, 2014 15:58

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# ? May 23, 2024 03:47

FlapYoJacks: Feb 12, 2009

President Ark posted:

Not even - unless I'm mistaken, you can just have it print the number, then check if %3 == 0 and if it is print "Hello", then check if %5 == 0 and if it is print "World", then print a line break and increment the loop.

That's how I wrote it at work.

Python code:

for i in range (1, 101):
    if (i % 3 == 0 and i % 5 == 0 ):
        print("HelloWorld")
    elif (i % 3 == 0):
        print("Hello")
    elif (i % 5 == 0):
        print("World")
    else:
        print(i)

Bash code:

for i in {1..100}; do
	
	THREE=$((${i} % 3))
	FIVE=$((${i} % 5))

	if [[ "${THREE}" == "0" && "${FIVE}" == "0" ]]; then
			echo "HelloWorld"
	elif [[ "${THREE}" == "0" ]]; then
		echo "Hello"
	elif [[ "${FIVE}" == "0" ]]; then
		echo "World"
	else
		echo "${i}"
	fi
done

I was making lovely mistakes like not putting double parentheses around the cast to THREE or FIVE. :negative:

FlapYoJacks fucked around with this message at 17:19 on May 21, 2014

# ? May 21, 2014 17:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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