Morkyz posted:

Alright. It all started about 2 years ago at a lake. My best friend and her brothers were swimming to the middle of the lake because there was a pier they could sit on. So one brother already made it there. And my best friend was almost there, but her OTHER brother suddenly gave out and had trouble swimming. So she swam back to him and tried to pull him with her, but he kept struggling and accidentally kept pulling her underwater with him. So he said, "Lexie, LET GO OF MY HAND! You can't go with me!" And she kept refusing to go and said, "No, Nathan! You're my older brother, and I can't leave you to die alone! Please let me die instead!" and Nathan kept telling Lexie to let go of his hand. She kept refusing to let go, so he said, "Goodbye, Lexie! Swim to the pier where Levi is!" and he let go of her. He drowned within seconds. Lexie STILL beats HERSELF UP over this. She always writes "N.P.H. Love Like Crazy" on her wrist. That's his initials and a song that describes him well. I keep telling her that it was nobody's fault and maybe it was just his time to go. And it just still makes me upset because this guy was like a brother to me, and I still can't believe he's gone from our lives...

reddit posted:

When I was in the 3rd grade, there were a bunch of notorious bullies. A bunch of 6th grade girls who thought they were hot poo poo. They were always pushing the little kids in elementary around, shoving them out of their way and generally making their lives miserable.
Remember that girls tend to be quite a bit bigger than boys at that age, so when you're a shrimpy 8 yr old boy who's about 4 ft 2' tall, a 5 ft 2" girl's one handed shove might as well been a mountain giant swatting a flea.
One day after being unceremoniously shoved sprawling out of the way in the halls of the school, I had enough. I stood up and told the girls that we were all sick of them and if they wanted to fight they would get one. This resulted in spontaneous fits of laughter.
I told them we'd meet at the end of lunch behind the hill by the playground where the teachers couldn't see and we'd fight. But not just me and the shover. I told her to bring all her bully friends because they were all going to get it! Me and my friends versus her and her friends. They scoffed, said I was a dead man and walked away talking about the ridiculous beating they were going to dish out on us "wimps".
First recess, I talk to my male classmate friends. They agreed they were sick of being bullied and would all fight. But we knew we didn't stand a chance unless we got more help. So we hatched a plan. Not just my friends, not just all the boys in my class, or even in my grade. Every boy in the school in grade 3 or lower. We split into 2 groups and started recruiting. Word started getting around there was going to be a big fight.
Lunch rolls around and we are scouring the playground. Japanese kid practicing high kicks? Come practice on the grade 6 girls! Bunch of kids playing Red Rover? More fun if you throw yourselves into a bunch of bullies! These girls had earned a lot of animosity throughout the year and we had no problem getting everyone into our cloud of kids. By the time all my friends had met up, it felt like we had a monstrous unstoppable army. In reality it was prolly close to 60-70 kids. Some, who didn't even want to fight but was just coming to see what the fuss was all about.
When I got to the top of that hill, It was like Aegon the Conqueror, blazing his standard. Our swarm crested that hill causing those 8 girls to just blanch. turn white, and freeze in place. We didn't even give them a chance to surrender and just charged down that hill at full speed. Some of them screamed as they were being bounced around like ping pong balls by the stream of little bodies throwing themselves at them. All of them were knocked down. Standing over a screeching girl who I had just bowled over. hearing her screech while she was getting pummelled by tiny fists and feet, I felt a great glory wash over me. I surveyed the chaos with pride as the girls started getting up and fleeing in tears.
AFTERMATH All the boys in our class were called into the principal's office. Afterwards 8 of us were given weeklong after school detentions and our parent's were called. Teacher was sympathetic, as she knew of the bullying and the detention was just free play with my close pals who pulled this off.
TL:DR Bunch of grade 6 girl bullies expect to beat up a few little kids and swept away by a sea of em instead.
edit for clarity and grammar.

Morkyz posted:

silencekit posted:

edit: found something juicy, with bonus casual racism.

reddit posted:

TL:DR Bunch of grade 6 girl bullies expect to beat up a few little kids and swept away by a sea of em instead.
edit for clarity and grammar.

silencekit posted:

Ugh how do you make a tragic drowning seem so mundane and stupid?

edit: found something juicy, with bonus casual racism.

Non Serviam posted:

Wait, so in your eyes suggesting that a Japanese kid was doing martial arts is racist?
He's not saying he's building a loving railroad.

kinmik posted:

kinmik posted:

Yes, kill them, because that's what your heroes and the paragons of moral justice, Rorschach and V would do.

Cerony posted:

My friend just sent me this on Facebook: http://www.dorkly.com/post/64220/teachers-be-careful-with-adding-pokemon-references-to-tests

kinmik posted:

Morkyz posted:

drowning story

Non Serviam posted:

Wait, so in your eyes suggesting that a Japanese kid was doing martial arts is racist?
He's not saying he's building a loving railroad.

bringmyfishback posted:

Maybe he wouldn't have drowned if he and his sister hadn't had a long-rear end conversation about drowning while they were in the middle of the loving lake drowning.

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

If only he hadn't drowned in seconds because that's totally how drowning works.

If air flow to the lungs is cut off you die immediately, no amount of CPR will help. True fact.

ibntumart posted:

Content:

canyoneer posted:

Heard one on the radio this morning. Callers called in sharing Dad stories for Father's Day.

There's a street in Phoenix called Grand that used to be the old highway, and has a gazillion railroad crossings. It used to be famous for having long 5+ minute waits at railroad crossings, pushing 10 minutes if you got multiple trains going back and forth. They've since addressed the traffic with bridges and alternate freeways.
This guy called in a story from when he was a kid, after sitting at a rail crossing for 10 minutes, his dad puts the car in park, scoops up a handful of rocks, and starts hucking rocks in frustration at the sides of the passing trains. Maybe that happened.

Then everyone leaned out of their cars, clapping and cheering. That may not have happened.

p-hop posted:

... and then one of the rocks ricocheted from the moving train and struck my dad in the skull. After several weeks the hospital concluded that he would never recover from his vegetative coma state. We have been married for 3 years!

phosdex posted:

I always find it humorous the way young redditors perceive "older" people. If you're older than 30, then you basically grew up in like the 1600's, can't figure out technology and treat women like poo poo. If that guy were 60, he would have grown up right in the '60s during the counter-culture revolution.

who else but Reddit posted:

Here's a tale from the customer side. I worked retail for many years and know the "big box" system pretty well. I always have a receipt for my returns, exercise patience with new people, and say thank you to those that help me. I never thought I would have to resort to violence. Yesterday was I was wrong.

I am at a very busy home improvment store that has two returns lines. It is Father's Day and the store is packed. My return is a snap ring plier set that broke on first use. I was just going to exchange it for the same product. I had my receipt and had waited about 10 minutes in line for my turn. Three people in front of me was a beligerent gentleman of color. He was returning a sump pump that was not working. It was also covered in what looked to be dried sewage and smelled horrible. The guy did not have a receipt and they called up the plumbing manager for assistance.

This took a good five minutes and the guy was starting to get more and more agitated. The manager arrived and got his story. His sewer line broke and backed up into his basement. He was using a standard sump pump used for keeping ground water pumped out to pump out raw sewage. This won't work as it is not designed for that. The manager explained this and looked at the pump. It was not even one they sold. He didn't buy it there. The manager said there was nothing they could do for him except sell him a sewage pump. The guy didn't take this well and started screaming profanities and questioning the plumbing manager's mother's heritage. The manager walked away and left the guy there with his horrible smelling pump.

The next two people get thier returns done and the guy is still there getting madder and muttering something under his breath. It's my turn for returns and the cashier is visibly upset and shaking. The other return person called for a store manager. As I'm starting my return the guy interrupts and yells, "Bitch, get the loving manager up here before I start killing mutha fucka's up in here." He is litterally less than two feet from me. I turned and said hey there is no need for that. He then said, "Ima startin' with you" and reached under his shirt. I snapped and hit him square in the face. He dropped everything and was on the floor. I got on top of him and pinned his arms down. Another customer ran over and from behind me sees a gun in his wasteband and grabs it to keep it away from the guy.

The manager arrived and some others had already called 911. I stayed on top the guy for a good 20 minutes until the police arrived. In that time the guy tried everything to get away. He struggled, threatened me, my family, tried kicking out, anything but I kept him pinned. The police got there and cuffed him and me. Once witnesses got the police informed of the real story I was let go. Come to find out this guy was a gang member, with two warrants for two separate murders. He likely would have killed me and a few others with me. They said he likely wouldn't be prosecuted for this incident since he has two murder charges already. Happy Father's Day!

TL;DR: Stopped a shooting at the hardware store.

into the void posted:

A woman I know at school was telling me this hilarious story of what she did in grade school. They were having their first sex ed class and the teacher tells them how much glucose is in sperm. And my friend totally, absolutely raised her hand and asked "Then why does it taste so salty?" It took every once of my being not to interrupt her and say the punch line myself. But everyone around me thought it was pretty hilarious and totally something that happened.

nerdz posted:

Pththya-lyi posted:

By that logic, shouldn't the thug's mom kill the OP for hurting her baby?

PUGGERNAUT posted:

reddit story

Knormal posted:

In high school that's an amusing urban legend, in grade school if a kid said that I'd hope the police would get involved.

Assuming you're from the US and your definition of grade school is the same as mine that is.

nerdz posted:

Gaunab posted:

Wow, barely hiding the racism with that one.

nerdz posted:

nerdz posted:

quote:

A guy driving a lifted dodge did that to me on my bike when I stopped at a red light the other day, and I think it was only because he saw I had my GoPro on. Literally 4 feet from his exhaust pipe and he just loving rolled coal on me for like 5 seconds. He was such a loving oval office.
Next light I rolled up on him, opened his gas door, screwed off the gas cap part to his tank, pulled it off and threw it down a storm drain and drove off middle finger high in the sky. Oooo boy that redneck wasn't happy.
If you drive a diesel don't loving do this. Such a cunty thing to do. I was so tempted to hit his loving side mirror and break that too. It's not funny, just a pure rear end in a top hat move.
Edits for grammar.