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computer parts posted:Look on the bright side, it sounds like you won't have to (potentially) deal with Bride prices like I am! I married a Jewish dude and my Chinese parents muttered a lot about "where are our bride gifts; in China they don't even gently caress around anymore, straight up new cars as bride gifts."
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Jun 26, 2014 12:53
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So, I am considering doing my own food. Catering it SO expensive! I am thinking a pasta bar. Salad, 2 types of pasta with a white sauce an a red sauce bread and cake. tea and water/lemonade. Anyone have experience doing this? thoughts opinions
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Jun 28, 2014 06:13
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What's your budget, number of guests, and available facilities? Catering is expensive but doing it yourself can be daunting if you're cooking for 100+ people. Even if it's pasta. One way to save on prepared food would be to buy food from some place but have a family member pick it up and set it up at the wedding. A good chunk of catering costs are involved in delivery and staffing. Plus with this option you can legitimately neglect to tell the vendor it's for a wedding because they're just making food and putting it in containers.
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Jun 28, 2014 11:55
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We did pick up catering for our wedding, and it was really reasonable. Be super careful with a pasta bar. The problem is you're going to be way busier day of than you think, so you'll end up cooking the day before at very latest. Then you have crappy pasta that tastes like it's from a cafeteria.
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Jun 28, 2014 14:05
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If by "doing it yourself" you mean "delegating to a trusted family member/friend" sure. Actually doing it yourself the day of/day before will end in tears. The only thing I did myself the wedding weekend was assemble centerpieces, and even that was a pain in the rear end since all my family members were coming in from out of town and all of them wanted my undivided attention and getting them to gtfo while I finished my flowers was difficult. I'd imagine getting time alone to do something time sensitive like cooking would be even worse.
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Jun 28, 2014 16:37
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LogisticEarth posted:What's your budget, number of guests, and available facilities? Catering is expensive but doing it yourself can be daunting if you're cooking for 100+ people. Even if it's pasta. One way to save on prepared food would be to buy food from some place but have a family member pick it up and set it up at the wedding. A good chunk of catering costs are involved in delivery and staffing. Plus with this option you can legitimately neglect to tell the vendor it's for a wedding because they're just making food and putting it in containers. I would like to spend $500 or under. I think that you have a good idea with the having a restaurant prep and then just have family pick it up. We have an Italian place a block away from the reception site that is really rather good. I could just get it from them and rent the serving dishes. And yes by "do it myself" I mean delegate to family/friends. I will go talk to the restaurant owner next week!
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Jun 28, 2014 19:50
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I am Engaged! I took us up to California's Dairy Country (a little south of Wine Country) and we tried various cheeses, had a few good meals, saw some elephant seals and lots of beautiful landscape, and then went to Point Bolinas, which is just north of SF in the Marin Headlands. Here is a picture of the exact moment of engagement (apologies to the random person I asked to take our picture and wasn't able to warn):  I have it on good word she wasn't expecting it at all, since she thought if I was going to propose I would have done it earlier in the day. (It was near sunset on the summer solstice). Here are two ok pictures of the ring:   It's platinum with a .37kt sapphire. I had the band custom designed and selected the sapphire that looked the friendliest. So! Onto planning. Because we are nuts and also love her 93 year old grandmother very much, we are planning the wedding in Ohio from California. It is tentatively scheduled for 6/6/15 and we will be visiting once in August, but everything else will have to be done over the phone.  If that wasn't enough, we are also planning on self-catering with picnic style food. Sloppy Joes plus ample cold cuts, veggie, fruit, and cheese trays, and various breads. Probably also some mayonnaise-based "salads" even though neither of us eats them. The only food we're planning on having catered is the Cake. With any luck, it will justify it's capital letter.  We are also going to do our own alcohol using the 'big tub full of ice and bottles and cans' method, as well as a few bottles of wine. We're planning to ask about drink preferences in our invitation, so we know how much of each to procure.  Music, also, we will be doing.I'm planning to put together playlists for before the ceremony, during the ceremony, between the ceremony and first dance, and a dance playlist for after.  Criticism Welcomed. 
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Jun 29, 2014 02:12
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Beachcomber posted:I am Engaged! Congrats! Not to be a downer, but is her grandmother in good health? My 91 year old grandfather wasn't able to attend even though the wedding was relatively local because he was on oxygen and too weak to do that level of festivities, and ours was indoors in a climate controlled setting. Yours sounds like it'll be an outdoor affair in June, which might be a little much for someone so elderly. You may want to have a Plan B in mind to include her in case she's not feeling up to doing a whole day of wedding festivities, or maybe make sure your venue has an air conditioned area that she can go sit down in or something. One of my aunts brought her iPad and we Skyped with my grandfather during the reception  For booze, most stores will let you return unopened cases so don't worry about getting too much booze and getting stuck with it. General rule of thumb is 1 drink per person per hour. And don't worry about planning long-distance, the internet makes it super easy. I did mine long distance and I only had to make two trips to the wedding location, one to go to a bridal expo and to do catering/cake tastings and one for our month-out meetings. The vast majority of vendors are more than willing to do meetings on the phone/via Skype/through email and let you mail them a check and signed contract or will even take credit card payments over the phone
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Jun 29, 2014 02:28
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Sup long distance planning buddy! I'm in Central QLD, Australia, and the wedding is near Hobart in Tasmania which is waaaaaay down the other end of the country to me. It's honestly fine. We went for a trip there mostly so I could show my fiance around the place and make sure he agreed that it was the perfect place, but really we needn't have. We're having our reception at a restaurant so we trialled that too. Easy stuff. Congratulations!
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Jun 29, 2014 02:43
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:
There was a brief issue where she fell down earlier this year and wasn't supposed to travel more than half an hour from home for a month or so, but that has since been rescinded. She still takes care of her horse and is otherwise very mentally sharp and physically active. We've got tablets and stuff though, so thank you for that idea if it should become necessary to do something like that!  We've got a venue booked, though we won't see it for 5 weeks. We only lose $75 if we decide we absolutely cannot live with it, but it's only a year old, mostly wood, and located in a county park. It's got air conditioning and heat and comes with tables, chairs, and a kitchen. We also think we've got our photographer nailed down, so we just have to arrange a deposit, and I've got a first and second choice for cake, which we'll be trying when we go. I thought it would be fun to use mismatched thrift-store china for plates, but after thinking about it, realized that since I wouldn't really be able to help with the washing that it wasn't fair to ask others to do it, so we'll probably used something like chinet. Thinking of looking for mis-matched thrift-store tablecloths though! We're really going for a laid-back family reunion style event, which I'm hoping people will dig.The photographer, who just got back to us between my first post and this one, says roughly 25% of the weddings she does are planned long distance, so it seems to be more common than it once was.
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Jun 29, 2014 04:38
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Beachcomber posted:I thought it would be fun to use mismatched thrift-store china for plates, but after thinking about it, realized that since I wouldn't really be able to help with the washing that it wasn't fair to ask others to do it, so we'll probably used something like chinet. You could get disposable plastic plates like these. Not 100% sure these are recyclable (you should get some that are).
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Jun 29, 2014 05:14
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I'm starting to do some research on purchasing an engagement ring for my girlfriend, and I'm pretty overwhelmed with all of my options. I do already have a 1 carat round-cut diamond from my mom's wedding ring (she upgraded a few years ago), that I intend to use as center diamond. Am I going to have issues with purchasing only a band from retailers, or is that common? Also, if a person sets aside $X for a ring, how much of that cost usually goes toward the stone itself? Given that I got the stone for free I'm hoping I can spend a little extra on a nicer band, but I don't want to go too nuts and make the stone look ridiculous by comparison. I'm trying to decide how expensive of a band would be appropriate to sort of "match" the stone I have.
Blakkout fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Jul 1, 2014 |
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Jul 1, 2014 23:41
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That really depends on what your potential fiance wants. There are a variety of settings, from really "blingy", to decoratively engraved, to simple bands. You should also consider the profile of the setting. A traditional Tiffany's 6-prong setting sticks out a lot, while other settings keep the stone at a lower profile. That said, the big chunk of the costs is usually the center diamond. Since you already have that, then contact a jeweler that you trust and go to town. Setting a pre-owned stone is common. Fancier bands often go in the $1000+ range, so it really depends on your budget and recipient's desires.
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Jul 2, 2014 00:20
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Blaaarrrgghhh. Recovering from a minor heart attack here. Received a tearful call from my bride-to-be. She called her grandmother to talk about our upcoming trip to the area to try cake, meet our photographer, and actually see our venue in person. She also asked if it was ok for us to use her kitchen to make 1-2 pots of sloppy joes the day before...and was told no. Grandma went on to suggest that we hold the wedding in Rochester, NY and not Ohio (where she lives) because "there are good restaurants there" and that we should definitely get our wedding catered because "they provide plates and napkins and tablecloths and everything" and also that we should get married where my GFs parents got married because "Their wedding was so lovely." Their wedding may have been lovely, but except for my GF and her sisters, their marriage was an unmitigated disaster, so that was a terrible idea (to us). Her other suggestions basically attacked the entire philosophical underpinnings of our wedding. We wanted a location close to both of our families, and we wanted a relaxed back-yard feeling to it. As I mentioned previously, we're planning to do the food ourselves (but we'll be doing it in my future Aunt-in-law's house). This will save us a ton of money, but that's only part of the reason we're doing it. The thing is, if we wanted we could throw a traditional $30,000 wedding without going into any kind of debt... but that's not what we want. We could also have a destination wedding in Hawaii...but we don't want that either. Needless to say, my GF was very much upset because this is not usual behavior for her grandma. I swear, from my interactions with her in the past I would have thought she'd have been fully supportive if we wanted to get married in a ditch filled with cow pats. Equally thrown, I told her to call her mom and that she'd know what was up and what to do. Half an hour later...it turns out that Grandma has always been kind of a bitch, but it was hidden from the grandchildren. From our conversations with her last visit, I can kind of see it. For instance, her family 'never really felt the great depression.' She went from that, to marrying a surgeon, and from there to running a horse farm which also became a summer camp. As soon as they were old enough to hold a broom, her daughters were doing the housework and were responsible for cooking the meals for the summer camp...at 16 and 17 years old. The whole situation feels like that duck/rabbit illusion. Anyway, mom straightens it all out, soothes tears, cheers up, problems solved. Yay. The moral: Be prepared for wedding issues to come from places you would never have suspected.
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Jul 2, 2014 01:27
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Woooo, just put deposit down on a 1.3 ct E SI1 excellent cut solitaire, a couple inclusions but nothing too bad...They jeweler had a 1.0ct D SI1 True Hearts solitaire that had a long inclusion in the middle, but at to the naked eye it was an amazing diamond. I still go back and forth but think I made the right choice...right? Hahahah, either way, now it's time to plan how to pop the Q. I'll have to start reading this thread in earnest but just had to get it out that I'm excited! Also to what little I can contribute, I will say I was scared shitless to actually look at diamonds(Will I sound like an idiot? is everything a lot more expensive than I think? Will I get screwed?), but the first shop I went to really took their time to talk me through everything and I looked at 4 diamonds. Got handshake promises one 2 for about a week and the guy wrote them down on a card. I went to a 2nd shop and they ordered some in (or whatever they do) to come back and look at. Took a look at 4 today and got a great price (better than James Allen) for the one I wanted. So, I encourage getting out there.
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Jul 2, 2014 01:52
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We've seen 2 photographers so far. One gives us the copyright, one keeps it. To me, it sounds insane that we don't get to keep the copyright to our photo's. Is this normal? Do most wedding photographers get the copyright?
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Jul 2, 2014 02:08
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Comstar posted:We've seen 2 photographers so far. One gives us the copyright, one keeps it. To me, it sounds insane that we don't get to keep the copyright to our photo's. Is this normal? Do most wedding photographers get the copyright? It's still pretty normal for photographers to keep the copyright. What the copyright means is that they own the photographs they take as their work/art and have the rights to use them in portfolios, promotional materials, etc. What is getting more common these days is for the photographer to give a print release. This means that you have permission to make prints and otherwise reproduce the pictures for personal use. Unless it is important to you to use your wedding photos commercially or that a photographer NOT use them without your express permission, you don't really need a copyright release. Photographers do benefit greatly from keeping the copyright, as their business is selling their art and they need to be able to market their work. A print release, on the other hand, is pretty necessary if you don't plan on buying all your prints through the photographer.
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Jul 2, 2014 03:10
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I never even thought about photographer copyright until this moment and gave permission for a hotel (our venue) to use our photo when they asked. Oops.
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Jul 2, 2014 03:16
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Comstar posted:We've seen 2 photographers so far. One gives us the copyright, one keeps it. To me, it sounds insane that we don't get to keep the copyright to our photo's. Is this normal? Do most wedding photographers get the copyright? Why does that sound insane? Why do you want the copyright? It is completely standard for the photographer to keep the copyright. Most photographers will, because good business sense demands it. The primary purpose of that is so that they can freely share the photos they take with other clients, say, by putting them on an online portfolio or other promotional material. It allows them to pursue legal action if someone finds and uses the photos. They want to make sure you don't profit off their photos by selling them or other commercial purposes. They also really don't want clients destroying their photos in Photoshop and reposting them with "THANKS ANNIE FOR YOUR AMAZING PHOTOS". Copyright isn't that big of a deal for you; the most reasonable concern I can come up with is your privacy. You can definitely demand digital copies with full personal printing rights and reproduction with attribution, while the photographer keeps the copyright.
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Jul 2, 2014 03:22
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Agree, them withholding copyright is the norm and also legit. The girl who is doing my photos is also a friend of mine (photographer first, friend second, no cutting corners here) and she is retaining copyright. No skin off my nose!
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Jul 2, 2014 03:26
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Most photographers are more than happy to let other vendors use their photos for promotions IF you/they ask first and credit is given since it gives them more exposure without any additional time or effort on their part. I gave the Etsy shops that I bought stuff from professional pictures of their wares afterwards (with photo credits) and they were all thrilled to death. It's a win-win since the shops get nice pictures and the photographer gets more views for her pictures and more potential clients.
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Jul 2, 2014 04:58
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Comstar posted:We've seen 2 photographers so far. One gives us the copyright, one keeps it. To me, it sounds insane that we don't get to keep the copyright to our photo's. Is this normal? Do most wedding photographers get the copyright? Speaking as a photographer, our policy is to do the print release, so you get all the photos (minus the ones with eyes closed, off expressions) and we keep the large files. If someone asks me not to do a sample image, then that's absolutely no problem.
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Jul 2, 2014 05:02
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Hello goons. Newly-engaged guy here that is starting to think about wedding-related stuff, albeit the date will likely be ~1yr away. Just for fun, my lady and I were looking at wedding invitations and were surprised how much it costs! Even the electronic (evite, paperless post, etc) were a little pricey, which got me thinking--has anyone here attempted to hire a graphic designer to create a mimic of one of the major wedding invites? That way we could pay one time for that freelance work, then send it out without getting nickel and dimed for each email.
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Jul 2, 2014 14:00
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Mr. Bubbles posted:Hello goons. Newly-engaged guy here that is starting to think about wedding-related stuff, albeit the date will likely be ~1yr away. Just for fun, my lady and I were looking at wedding invitations and were surprised how much it costs! Even the electronic (evite, paperless post, etc) were a little pricey, which got me thinking--has anyone here attempted to hire a graphic designer to create a mimic of one of the major wedding invites? That way we could pay one time for that freelance work, then send it out without getting nickel and dimed for each email. Kind of; in that I am a graphic designer so I designed all our paper-goods and got them printed on VistaPrint for something like $40 (including Save the Date magnets, nice linen invitations, came with envelopes, etc.). I highly recommend going that route because the cost of paper invitations from a "wedding vendor" is insane and I love the unique-ness of our (coordinated!) paper goods. EDIT: Oh, caveat, hiring a designer might not be cheap though so definitely factor that in for your price comparison. I'm just lucky I can do it myself so it just cost me a lot of my own time. 2nd edit: Oh though I also just thought about how, if you don't care about having ~*special snowflake*~ invitations, VistaPrint has lots of their own designs to choose from and I found them by far cheaper than other options. ExtrudeAlongCurve fucked around with this message at 14:15 on Jul 2, 2014 |
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Jul 2, 2014 14:11
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You can do a lot with paper stores, stamps, and a printer. My wife got into it and made hand-stamped invitations, with special lined envelopes and whatnot. We saved money by doing the RSVP by phone and internet. Total cost came out to about $100-1.50 per invitation (plus postage) I think. Stores like Paper Source have a huge variety of choices. You can probably go cheaper at a regular craft store while sacrificing some of the variety. Invitations are one of those wedding trappings that you can sink a stupid amount of money into if your'e not careful. I don't want to take work away from struggling graphic designers but building them yourself isn't terribly hard.
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Jul 2, 2014 14:39
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LogisticEarth posted:That really depends on what your potential fiance wants. There are a variety of settings, from really "blingy", to decoratively engraved, to simple bands. You should also consider the profile of the setting. A traditional Tiffany's 6-prong setting sticks out a lot, while other settings keep the stone at a lower profile. I had originally budgeted about $10,000 for the whole engagement ring. So I guess what I'm really asking is how ridiculous it would be to go out an buy a $10,000 band for a 1 carat diamond? Thanks for pointing out the profile of the setting issues. I think I have some decisions to make.
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Jul 2, 2014 17:23
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So I would go to jamesallen.com and look at settings to get and idea of price. I don't see how you could spend more than 1000 on a setting for a solitaire. I got a Tiffany 14k white gold 6 prong for $300 with the purchase of a diamond. A platinum band would be several hundred more. Again, I don't know how you hit $10k unless you pit diamonds on it. As for what should you do....spend as much as you feel comfortable with. If you got a free diamond that's great, maybe you can spend the extra dough on some earrings or a necklace or, as said above, put some nice diamonds on either side of it. I get what you mean, when I was checking out diamonds they guy said to me "or you can get this and save a few hundred bucks" and I'm thinking I feel dirty for trying to save money when I have a budget in mind, but in reality you need to spend money sometimes, and it could be more or less than your budget.
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Jul 2, 2014 18:33
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Blakkout posted:I had originally budgeted about $10,000 for the whole engagement ring. So I guess what I'm really asking is how ridiculous it would be to go out an buy a $10,000 band for a 1 carat diamond? It would probably be really, truly absurd to spend that much on the setting. Really wasteful unless you're just stupid loaded and can blow that money anyway. $2500 can buy you a great platinum setting with matched wedding band. Personally, if I had that much money to spend, I would have found a skilled jeweler and get a custom made ring, and matched band if she's into that. Save the rest for either the honeymoon, wedding, or savings. And this is of course assuming you're not taking any debt to buy the ring.
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Jul 2, 2014 19:04
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I figure I'll share some honeymoon booking info I just discovered: I just did some honeymoon hotel shopping and despite claims by hotel.com/travelocity/similar sites, it was cheaper to book the hotel and flight separate instead of buying a flight-hotel package. Not only that, it seems to be cheaper to book the hotels direct through their websites. I used tripadvisor and in big bold print a hotel.com listing was 95$s a night!!! and underneath it the hotel was offering the same room for 75$s. The sites said booking vacation package would save me 45% and it seems to be costing me 25% more if I don't book everything separate and direct. I don't know if thats because I'm going to ireland and trying to do so on the cheap, but more likely convenience fees are worked into the cost. The even BIGGER upside for us, is that it gives us more flexible cancellation policies if we book the hotel separately. We're waiting for a possible time share to come through so if it comes in a month before hand, we can cancel with no fuss/frills. YMMV but thats at least whats happening with me!
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Jul 3, 2014 16:03
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LogisticEarth posted:Save the rest for either the honeymoon, wedding, or savings.
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Jul 3, 2014 21:11
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Just for another perspective... We're spending somewhere around $8000 for our setting, getting it custom made with personalized engraving by an award winning jeweler. Our center stone is going to be some sort of moissanite/amora gem thing, whatever happens when the patents expire in 2015. We're doing this, not in lieu of a honeymoon, but of savings. We save sufficiently, and neither of our families really have any hierlooms and it is important to both of us to get something both meaningful to us, unique, and durable to pass down. I personally think it makes far more sense to spend the money on the setting as that is what has true value to me - the creation of something unique. We're going for moissanite/amora gem because it makes no sense to pay for a diamond when we're not looking for resale value. Just durability and beauty.
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Jul 3, 2014 21:23
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Update- I told her dad that I am going to propose to her later this year, and that I love her more than anything, and he said "OK no problem!" and gave me a hug. Not sure if he 100% understood everything I said but one hurdle down!  Time to get serious about ring-shopping...
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Jul 4, 2014 16:24
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So I took the advice given here and spoke with a local Italian place and they will be able to do pans of pasta (6 pans of pasta and 6 pans of sauce with meat) for $300. We will then buy bagged salad mix, all the goodies to go on said salad and some sort of bread. I guess that will be around $100 from Sam's Club. We will do 2 or 3 different sauces and 2 different types of pasta. So we are looking at $400-450 for all of the food except the cake.
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Jul 9, 2014 18:58
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How angry do parents get if you just secretly get married in the night? I am really not in the mood for a big wedding and we can't really afford it. We could always do it for real later!
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Jul 9, 2014 20:10
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Sgt. Anime Pederast posted:How angry do parents get if you just secretly get married in the night? I am really not in the mood for a big wedding and we can't really afford it. We could always do it for real later! Really depends on the parents. We probably could've gotten away with it. My wife's friends would've been angrier.
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Jul 9, 2014 21:00
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Sgt. Anime Pederast posted:How angry do parents get if you just secretly get married in the night? I am really not in the mood for a big wedding and we can't really afford it. We could always do it for real later! My parents were thrilled! They emailed me a video of them 'celebrating' with a glass of wine each. However, my husband and I were also a couple for 18+ years before we got hitched... When we eloped at the county courthouse there was another couple there in a similar situation. They were mature adults with a child together, let it slip they were planning to elope in Lake Tahoe and all of a sudden, EVERYONE was going to Tahoe with them for support. Overwhelmed, they did it a month earlier on a whim at the courthouse not telling a soul, and seemed very happy about it.
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Jul 9, 2014 21:00
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Sgt. Anime Pederast posted:How angry do parents get if you just secretly get married in the night? I am really not in the mood for a big wedding and we can't really afford it. We could always do it for real later! It's your marriage and your life, you do what you want. That being said, mine would've been upset but would've eventually gotten over it. They really wanted me to have a church wedding and that's the part they would've been the most upset about, mostly because my grandma would be beyond upset and make my dad's life a living hell for god knows how long.
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Jul 9, 2014 22:54
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Sgt. Anime Pederast posted:How angry do parents get if you just secretly get married in the night? I am really not in the mood for a big wedding and we can't really afford it. We could always do it for real later! My MIL is going to be LIVID. She lives for her son and seeing him do things. But, it's not her decision and she isn't helping with anything. We haven't told her yet, but we are not eloping until next year(probably). We were going to get a Cute B&B up in CO and do it there and have a nice time together. We are not big on being the center of attention and we just don't have the money. We are private people and would rather spend the money on a house or something else. I don't care as much about what people think, they will get over not seeing the exact moment we say I do. If people really want to celebrate, we may have a small get together at someone's house later.
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Jul 9, 2014 23:45
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Any ideas for Groomsmen's gifts? I'm thinking a custom growler for each but half my folks aren't all that into beer, so that, uhhh, complicates it. Not really sure what they'd want. I've got a solid mix of Williamsburg-academics, Sunset Park socialists, businessmen and farmers. So . . . a broad range. I'm kinda stuck.
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Jul 10, 2014 16:28
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Shbobdb posted:Any ideas for Groomsmen's gifts? I'm thinking a custom growler for each but half my folks aren't all that into beer, so that, uhhh, complicates it. Not really sure what they'd want. I've got a solid mix of Williamsburg-academics, Sunset Park socialists, businessmen and farmers. So . . . a broad range. I'm kinda stuck. All guys shave and wet shaving is kind of trendy. I got my groomsmen a starter kit I put together and a nice leather dopp kit. I figured it was better than a flask or something common that would end up collecting dust on a shelf. If that's a bit much, just a decent lathering brush and quality shave cream (Taylors of Old Bond Street is a good start) is good and less intimidating than switching whole hog over to using a safety razor. Comedy Option: Customized harmonicas.
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Jul 10, 2014 16:43
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