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Jul 24, 2014 12:52
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| # ? May 29, 2024 03:20 |
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Dear Leo, As promised, I am writing to let you know that I have arrived in Stoke. Gerard Pique was right. It is a real place. But the tales of endless nights filled with sheets of rain and frigid wind like a witch's breath that instantly turns foreigners to stone is not true. I have seen the sun here and it is quite warm, but I realize the season has not yet begun. Perhaps that is when the horrific conditions described on the internet curse the land. I must admit that I am still quite scared. I have signed a contract and now I must stay for four years. They keep telling me that I am a Potter now. Does this mean that I must do drugs or learn to make decorative vases? I do not know. Again, I am scared. But I will do what I must to survive. Once I signed the papers, they put me on another plane to join the team in Germany. All of my new teammates seem very nice. Marc Muniesa is here and he seems to be doing well (if he was blinking secret messages to me, I could not decipher them). The manager, Mark Hughes, told me he is great friends with Pep Guardiola and asked me if Pep ever spoke of him. I told him no, but Mr. Hughes said that Pep was probably just embarrassed that he taught him everything he knows and wanted to keep it a secret. This made me very excited to play for such a great man! And disappointed that Pep would keep secrets like this. There is also an actual giant in the team. He is the size of at least 17 Xavis! The other players call him "The Crouchie." He appears to be made of enchanted broomsticks. He travels around town with a beautiful princess. I haven't spoken to her yet, but I will ask her if she is the one who brought him to life with a magic spell. He smiles a lot, so I don't think he will eat me — even though I am probably the same size as his food. I also met another teammate called Charlie Adam. He came up to me and looked at my ankles and said, "I bet these snap easy" and then walked away. I couldn't tell if he was joking on me or not. I remain hopeful that he was. That is all I can say right now, Leo. I am very tired and I must go to sleep before Mr. Hughes tells me again that he only played one season for Barca because Gary Lineker feared he would make him look bad. Yours in bravery, Bojan
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Jul 24, 2014 13:52
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wrong thread
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Jul 24, 2014 14:06
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Charlotte Hornets posted:Yours in bravery, That's lovely Suqit
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Jul 24, 2014 14:19
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King Pawn posted:Soccer (not really my sport, but could be if they implemented these fixes!)
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Jul 24, 2014 17:29
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I thought that was a comedy thread. Are people saying those things seriously? wtf
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Jul 24, 2014 17:30
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advanced statsman posted:I thought that was a comedy thread. Are people saying those things seriously? wtf I was 100% serious. If team A leaves a guy down at the net literally all game long then that means they only have 10 defenders which opens up space for the other team.
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Jul 24, 2014 17:33
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advanced statsman posted:I thought that was a comedy thread. Are people saying those things seriously? wtf I seriously think Spain should be banned from tennis.
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Jul 24, 2014 17:48
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advanced statsman posted:I thought that was a comedy thread. Are people saying those things seriously? wtf My post was entirely serious and definately not threadshitting
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Jul 25, 2014 00:18
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some girl got abducted here a few months ago and they released the sketch today he looks like Wayne Rooney
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Jul 25, 2014 00:59
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Bojan – a day in the life at Stoke training……. 9.35am: Light warm-up and into a quick knockabout. Bojan plays a quick ball into the feet of Palacios before moving into space for the return pass. Wilson notices the run but applies a bit of “outside the box thinking” and deploys a poo poo first touch instead, making his second an attempted tackle. Wilko wins the 50/50 with a chin high, studs up challenge and leaves Palacios in a crumpled heap; Wilko eagerly turns to Huth “I got him Dad, I really really got him!”….. Bojan shakes his head silently, a quick shrug of the shoulders and a pained looked of disappointment etches across his face… 10.15am: During a drinks break Bojan gets chatting to Shotton. “So, are you a ball playing midfielder, a goal-scoring match winner or a majestic defender that oozes class?” Shotton, looking completely bemused by the question, quietly turns, picks up a ball, and like an absolute loving boss, hurtles it 50 yards through the air. Bojan’s head drops silently with a look of devastation, like a man that’s just found out his daughter is dating an Arsenal fan… 10.40am – Hughes pulls Bojan to one side for a quick word, “Are you ok son?” You look a bit unsettled” …… “I’ve just seen Huth kill a goal post boss, Jon’s been doing a bleep test for 3 friggin’ hours and Brek’s just turned up late with a pair of loving rifles in his hand, I haven’t a clue what’s going on….” 11.30am – Bojan hits the changing room after a traumatic first day in camp. Seemingly down in the dumps, he finds solace in the fact it can’t get any worse and the only way is up…. 11.31am – Bojan finds a set of pigs bollocks in his locker….
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Jul 25, 2014 14:52
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Charlotte Hornets posted:Bojan – a day in the life at Stoke training……. wrong thread
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Jul 25, 2014 14:55
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what is the source on those
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Jul 25, 2014 15:15
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The only problem here is that it implies Bojan is some kind of fancy footballer, instead of the perennial disappointment that he is.
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Jul 25, 2014 15:15
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Still, wrong thread.
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Jul 25, 2014 15:31
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Jul 27, 2014 17:16
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https://twitter.com/SteMc74/status/493765107336613888
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Jul 29, 2014 01:29
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These DZKP/90... they're off the charts! Oh god the first reply quote:I've Reus with about 1.03 xG + xA per 90, even slightly better than his actual NPG + A. Great, great season.
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Jul 29, 2014 01:34
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franks posted:These DZKP/90... they're off the charts! what the gently caress is he saying e: His twitter is the motherlode... https://twitter.com/MC_of_A/with_replies @mixedknuts La Liga has more super-poachers than EPL, looks like. Griezmann at 3.7 xG:xA is high but not Youssef el-Arabi or Javy Guerra. omg... http://cartilagefreecaptain.sbnation.com/2014/4/25/5652640/player-finishing-skill-is-real
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Jul 29, 2014 01:45
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When will these people understand that football and baseball are not the same aka football is actually a teamgame to such a degree that a large amount of induvidual stats are almost completely meaningless because they are all affected by a million different factors out of the players control.
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Jul 29, 2014 03:06
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http://thestatattackblog.wordpress.com/
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Jul 29, 2014 03:07
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but seriously why do they need to use stats to figure out that "The most important shot location on the pitch is prime central in the box."
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Jul 29, 2014 03:20
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ok i take it all back this is actually very facinating and interesting to me http://www.statsbomb.com/2014/06/gifolution-five-years-of-steven-gerrard/
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Jul 29, 2014 03:29
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Slaapaav posted:but seriously why do they need to use stats to figure out that "The most important shot location on the pitch is prime central in the box." They have GRIDS
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Jul 29, 2014 03:55
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Turns out there is a 'selection effect' in football whereby managers will play players who are better than other players at scoring goals as strikers?! Holy moly let me check and make sure I've got my numbers right on this one! Edit: the guy's actual job is a religious studies teacher... Lenin Riefenstahl fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Jul 29, 2014 |
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Jul 29, 2014 10:30
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African AIDS cum posted:They have GRIDS Gay retard idiot down syndrome
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Jul 29, 2014 10:44
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Lenin Riefenstahl posted:Turns out there is a 'selection effect' in football whereby managers will play players who are better than other players at scoring goals as strikers?! Holy moly let me check and make sure I've got my numbers right on this one! the first time Low played Gotze as a striker it crashed my excel ugh
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Jul 29, 2014 11:32
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Goetze's good but he's no Youssef el-Arabi or Javy Guerra.
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Jul 29, 2014 11:58
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#stats
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Jul 29, 2014 17:18
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quote:I'm a bit boreedand it's a bit early for a proper prediction thread maybe so here's a really long post on how I think things will turn out for the top clubs based on what's happened so far this summer. Just skip to the bottom if you don't want to read my spergy post. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jul 29, 2014 18:32
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I hope you drown.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:34
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Stfu pituae that was a good and well thought out post.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:35
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From our very own TRP no less
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Jul 29, 2014 18:35
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I didn't realize this was the Bojan fan fiction page I'm a bit upset nobody told me.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:42
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shut the gently caress up pituae.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:45
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it wasn't a completely bad post but the bold parts certainly were
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Jul 29, 2014 18:46
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straight up brolic posted:shut the gently caress up pituae.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:48
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corn in the fridge is the black cop who applies brutal choke-holds on black people grilling on their steps or selling cigarettes to show off for his white cop "buddies" Ice Cube warned us about posters like you
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Jul 29, 2014 18:50
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Earthy Ape Unit posted:it wasn't a completely bad post but the bold parts certainly were quote:I just ask that this thread remain for bad posts we can all laugh at. IT IS NOT FOR ARGUING ABOUT THE CONTENT. If the content doesn't seem insane enough to be funny to everyone in here, it's not funny enough to post. If it's sort of borderline it's just going to cause annoying slapfights when someone starts the "Well this post isn't that insane if you look at it in the context ofaaaaaaaaaaaa" who cares gently caress you.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:55
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| # ? May 29, 2024 03:20 |
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Nobody reply to or discuss our dear Hereford FIFA Fan Zone devotee, thanks.
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Jul 29, 2014 18:56
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